Heavy Lies The Crown

by delirious-girl

In a Moroi world where women never mattered much, Rose is forced to marry Ivan and take her place as his obeying wife. Stubborn as always, she won't give up without a fight and when she becomes too difficult to handle, a stoic but boring Russian gets assigned to keep an eye on her. What can Rose do when feelings start to arise for her protector but never for her soon-to-be husband?

30. So we like older women, huh?

CHAPTER 27 - So we like older women, huh?

Rose's POV

Ivan made it happen. My first appearance in an art gallery. A real one. A place where people actually come. And it's happening today. Tonight.

I found a big bouquet of roses at my door, and I was ready to let it pass if it was Ivan who brought it. But it's not from him.

Congratulations on your exhibition. Stands written on the note in between the petals, along with his name.

I walk to the end of the hallway and let the bouquet fall into the bin there, hoping he will pass by this place and see it. This fucking bastard!

"One of your fans?" Lissa passes next to me and smiles, trying to imply something I can't even start to think about.

"I'd rather not have this fan, to be honest." I'd give anything for Aaron to leave me alone.

"But can I be one?"

"Sure."

She comes and puts her arms around me, squeezing me tight.

"Congrats, Rose. You've made it far and this is only the beginning! I am stoked for you!"

---

Ivan is the one to come pick me up, but he wasn't expecting to see me like this. He got easily over the fact that my hair looks way different than it looked the last time he saw me, but he cannot give me a pass for everything else.

"Do you want to tell me why you're still dressed in that or should I guess?" And by that, he means my pajamas.

"I'm not going."

"The fuck you're not going. Do you have any idea what this means to you? There will be so many people there!"

"That's the point. I can't do that. I'm not… attention material."

"Oh, don't you tell me you're scared of a couple of people with money."

There will be so many more people than at the last exhibition, and not only Moroi. I heard that art critiques frequent this place and that scares me to death. Plus, there will be more of my works on the walls, and I could have lived with the fact that people didn't like May, but to see they don't like more of my paintings? That would hurt a lot.

"I am not. I just-" well, I am terrified, but I'm a little too proud to say it out loud.

"Great. You're not afraid of them. Then it means there is no reason for you not to go. Now go get dressed, we're late. You'll have your makeup done in the car."

"Ivan-"

"I am not arguing with you about this. You're going. You'll be a star and there is a limit of time someone can be late without it seeming cocky and I don't plan us to exceed that. Come on, don't make me get you dressed myself."

At last, I need to give in and do what I've been told. He's right. I've been dreaming of a day like this, so I could at least give it a try.

Adrian, once again, made sure to dress me appropriately for the occasion. Fancy, yet classy. I'm wearing a black suit, and under that, there's only a lacy corset that keeps me covered and I must say I love it. I look and feel pretty damned powerful.

I classify my earlier refusal to come as momentarily insanity because as I see my paintings on the walls, I cannot stop smiling. I've actually made it out there. With a lot of help, but I still did it. And besides that, Ivan is pretty sure we'll manage to sell them all in no time. Not that money would be our main goal here, but to see someone want my painting so much they would be willing to pay for it, would be an accomplishment I wouldn't stop talking about for a few days. Okay, months.

As we advance further into the gallery, not that I was looking for him, but it is impossible not to spot Dimitri in the room. I guess this is why he asked for a day off, huh? To be here, as a friend. It's really nice of him. Even though I'm quite sure he won't be losing his guardian attitude anytime soon.

But maybe I am hurrying to assess the situation. Because she enters the equation.

His companion cannot be ignored either. She's gorgeous. Drop dead gorgeous, let me be specific. Tall, with short, raven-black hair, a heart-shaped face with large eyes that I am not close enough to figure out the color of, and there's this Valentino golden dress that she's wearing, which I've dreamed of owning since forever. To be more exact, it's a sequin-embellished pleated silk crepe de chine mini dress. Yes, I know the name in perfect order, that's how badly I want that dress. But I must say, she looks gorgeous in it and I'm considering that I don't want it anymore. I thought anyone would look good in a Valentino, but I would never look as good as she does. I'd just pale in comparison.

And… they seem more than friendly. I would bet my money that they're flirting right now. Her hand on his forearm doesn't give me friendly vibes.

You know what? Good for him. Great! I am more than happy for him. He shouldn't be so focused on his work. After all, he needs to live his life and a woman like her is a catch, I'm sure of it.

Ivan leaves me alone for some minutes, having something urgent to take care of, and I try to focus on anyone else here but them, but my eyes keep on drifting that way and oh, he must be a funny motherfucker because each time I look that way, she's smiling or laughing and one time, she even puts her hand on his shoulder and leans in closer. Very close, to be exact. And it's only been five minutes since I arrived, so god knows what else I've missed before this. God knows what I'm going to witness for the rest of the night too.

I soon find a way to forget about all that as Ivan walks me around the room, introducing me to the other artists and I'm preoccupied with remembering their names. And well, there's something more I'm worried about. No one seems interested in me or what I have to say about my paintings. They're all politely making conversation with me, but nothing more. Even the artists whose art I adore and I made it clear enough to them that I feel that way, didn't bother to give me a second look. I'm bummed, I can't lie.

Ivan takes me to one of the tall tables around and hands me a glass of champagne, which I welcome gratefully.

"That's the only one you get tonight."

"I can live with that." I think. "How long do we have to be here?"

"Hey. Listen to me. Those bastards are acting like that just because they're crazy jealous. They can only dream to have your talent. Just wait until the guests arrive. They'll adore you and prove the other bastards wrong."

"I know you're trying to hype me up, but straight-up lying to my face won't do the trick, Ivan. They're well-established artists, how can I compare to them?"

"You're going to be the main attention of this room in less than 30 minutes, listen to me, Rose."

"Not if he has something to say about it." I point toward the one man who seems to have the attention of the whole room. All the people I've talked to in the past half an hour are there, hovering around him.

"I will take him out if I have to."

"What kind of taking out are we talking about?"

"Oh, you know."

"Hell no. I can deal with competition."

"I can too. Forever."

"Ivan, behave."

"Truth is, I never liked him. He's a shitty guy anyway. I'd do it for you, Rose. You just say the word."

"My word is no. You won't do anything to that man."

"You're no fun, you know?"

"You said you have faith in me, so why would it be necessary for you to take him out?"

"I didn't say it would be necessary. I said it would be fun."

"You and I have different definitions for that, I see."

"I might have another definition for that," he says, wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

"Was that a fucking sexual joke?"

A stupid smile spreads on his lips. "Do you want it to be?"

I punch him in the next second. "Hey! Stop! it. Even your brilliant smile can't blind me enough to overlook what you've said."

"You think I have a brilliant smile?"

"Not my point!" But I still cannot hide my smile.

Dimitri comes around after being god knows where for the past half an hour, and my good mood is thrown off the window when I'm reminded of his existence. And hers, latched to his arm.

"Here it is, the grumpy face we all love," Ivan greets Dimitri with a hug. "And his beautiful companion," his attention turns to her and I'd be a hypocrite to roll my eyes at his comment. He's right. From up close, she is even more beautiful. Those blue eyes, those rosy lips, they make her even more perfect than I could imagine.

"This is Rose," Ivan introduces me to her and she nods my way with a smile.

"I heard a lot about you." I cannot say the same. And I doubt that Dimitri told her only the good parts. "You're the one who is on everyone's lips at the Court, and I'm impressed." she extends her hand to me. "I'm Tasha. Tasha Ozera."

"Ozera, like in… Christian Ozera?"

"Yes. He's my nephew."

So, we like older women, huh? She doesn't look that old, but considering she said she is who she is…

I reciprocate her smile. "It's a pleasure to meet you." I guess.

They start talking about something, but god knows about what because I cannot focus on it. All I can think of is how his hand is around her waist and how close she is to him and-

Fuck! They're all looking at me now, like expecting an answer. But I didn't even hear the question!

"I um… yeah."

"Great. Then it's all set," Ivan decides, and fuck me, I have no idea what I agreed to.

"I'm going to get a drink," I announce. To my luck, no one pays much attention to me, as they're too delved into their conversation.

And as no one keeps a strict eye on me, I manage to get another dose of booze.

The visitors started coming for a couple of minutes now, and I must say I'm curious. They are passing by in front of my paintings too, and some of them stop to take a better look. But that's not enough for me, I want to hear what they have to say, so I pretend I'm looking at my painting too, but truth is, I am eavesdropping on a conversation.

"I think I'll have to ask for a prescription from my therapist after looking at these paintings." one woman says, and the one next to her pitches in.

"I know, they're so depressive."

Great. I suck. Just as I feared.

"I mean, compared to Antoine's paintings…" And with that, they move on.

Nice. That French guy again. There's no wonder everyone is taking photos of his paintings right now and no one is around to look at mine.

I know Ivan told me that the start is hard for every artist, but I cannot stop feeling bummed. I wanted to feel like I'm doing something right, just for once. But I obviously can't do that.

I pull away from the crowd, as the sight of the little people stopping in front of my paintings is making me sick to my stomach. I wonder what they're saying about that, but I don't have the courage to get closer again. What if their words match what the other women were saying? Of course they do.

Knowing I won't be great company until I manage to get my thoughts in check, I take the chance to go out in the little garden and sip on my wine, as I earlier decided champagne is not the drink for me tonight.

Five minutes into simmering into my self-pity, Dimitri comes and sits on the bench, next to me. He is eyeing my drink and I know he knows it's alcohol.

"I'm not in the mood for a scolding. Nor for your presence."

He doesn't seem to care, just starts talking.

"Shouldn't you be in there, entertaining people? Shouldn't you be happier about this?"

"Why? Am I ruining your mood? Maybe try getting out of my head, that could help." seeing he doesn't reply to my snarly comment, disarms me. "I know I should, but what? Do I go back there and kill them with boredom? Why should I be happy? Because I found out I suck? I'm not even half like the artist that are displayed here tonight."

"You're doing that thing again," he warns me.

"I'm not wrong. People hate my stuff. And they have a good reason to. It's shit."

"It isn't. It's… special."

"I'm not special. I'm just basic at most. A wannabe artist. My art is shit and-"

"Why are you putting yourself down like that?"

"Because that's true. My paintings suck. They're so depressive!"

He smiles. "You heard those two women talk."

"You did too?"

"I was around." I didn't see him. I thought he was too preoccupied to entertain her. After all, he is here for her tonight, not for me. I wonder where he would have taken her out if my exhibition wasn't taking place tonight. A fancy restaurant? A hotel suite? But who knows, maybe that is still in the cards. The night is still young.

When I see he's staring at me, I realize I was spiraling and that he's waiting for me to say something. I can only thank god he cannot read my thoughts.

"They're right."

"No. They're not. They just don't get it."

"What do you mean?"

"They didn't see the specks of white."

"The specks of white, huh?"

"Yes. In all that depression they're talking about, that's hope, right?"

"You and Ivan came up with that? He told me about you two examining my stuff."

"I came up with the idea. It was intriguing for me why all the other paintings have that, but not May. And I tried to give it meaning. Hope was the best answer I could come up with." He leans in closer and touches my cheek, wiping the tear that threatened to fall. "You don't see how special you are, don't you?"

"I don't-"

"You think you don't deserve this? All this?"

"Dimitri, I…"

He places his hand over mine. "Don't. Don't say it. You're not that. How many artists can say that they have their paintings in this exhibition?"

"Well, not many, but I do thanks to Ivan."

"No. No matter how well they get along, the owner of this gallery doesn't care about friendship and favors when it comes to his exhibitions. He did everything to put you on these walls because he saw something in you. Ivan did nothing but show your work to him. The rest, that's all you. You're a wonderful artist."

"You think that?"

"I know it."

"I don't fit, Dimitri."

"You keep on saying that, but do you really want to fit? Someone once told me that if we'd all be the same, the world would be a very boring place, so why would you want to be like everybody?"

"I don't know. It's tiring to always be the odd one. I wish that only once I would… be enough, I guess."

"You are enough, Rose. More than enough."

"You think that?"

"Does it really matter what I think?"

"In this very moment? Yeah. Kind of a lot."

He smiles. "I think you-"

It starts raining, heavily and unexpectedly, and it ruins our moment. If there was even one to begin with or I was just imagining it, as always.

We both hurriedly get up to our feet.

"We'd better go back inside," Dimitri declares as he gets his jacket off and holds it over my head as we start making our way back.

"You don't have to get wet for me."

"Your outfit is more important. We don't want you to meet your fans all wet, don't we?"

"I appreciate it, comrade."

On our way toward the entrance, I spot Tasha, and she's taking cover from the rain too, under a gazebo. If she wants to get back inside, she will get wet to the bone.

She sees us, and she gets excited at the prospect of getting spared a cold shower, but Dimitri makes no attempt to go toward her. He doesn't even seem to acknowledge her presence there, and let's be honest, this man doesn't miss a thing. It's his job to be aware of his surroundings. And after all, he came here with her, didn't he? He made a choice, so it's unfair that I'm the one he gets wet for.

"You should go help her instead."

He looks her way, but doesn't seem too eager to go and help her, not even now that I pointed it out.

"I'll take you inside first and go for her after that."

I have the feeling that if he'd do this, she'll hate me. And I kind of want her to hate me because I don't have any warm feelings toward her, but I know I'm wrong to think this way. After all, she didn't wrong me in any way, and at the end of the day, Dimitri doesn't owe me anything.

"It's fine, I have my coat. You go take care of your companion."

And with that, I take my coat off and leave him behind, obliging him to go to her. It's the way things should be anyway.

When I get back to Ivan, I join him in a group conversation.

I take the first chance when someone else is talking, to tell him I want to go back to the Court. I never thought I'd want so badly to go back to that place, but here I am.

"Why is that?"

"I guess I'm not the person to do all this," I tell him half the truth. "I shouldn't have come."

"Then how could you have thanked the one who bought one of your paintings, if you didn't come?"

I blink a couple of times as I process his words.

"Wait a second. Someone bought my painting?"

"Didn't I say that already?"

"You did, but-"

"But nothing. Come. I told you you'll kick ass."

He gets a hold of my hand and starts dragging me away from the group.

After I talk with the buyer, one guy from the Tarus family, I do as Ivan instructed and I try to mingle with the other people around, and I must say - after putting aside my first impression of them - that the guests are more pleasant to hang around that the artists featured here were earlier.

Of course, I try to keep my eyes away from the happy couple, and do my best not to go there and stop them as I see them in front of one of my paintings. Dimitri is talking to her about it, pointing his finger from one edge to another, and I hate that there's the possibility he's telling her about the specks of white. For some reason, I liked that he was the only one to get it. But now that she knows about it too, I kind of want to go and rip my painting off the wall.

I do my best not to. And I achieve that by diverting my eyes from that area, over and over again, looking for a new focal point.

And I find it soon enough. A more unexpected one, just to make tonight unforgettable.

As I walk around the room wondering if I should refill my glass a second time, I find myself face-to-face with Natalie.

Natalie, the one my father paid for an entire year in order to keep an eye on me while he exiled me in that ghost town in California. You know, if she was already there, he saw her as the perfect snitch.

Natalie, who shared the same secret as me, in a town full of humans. But that secret never brought us together. Neither did our passion for art, nor the classes we ended up together in.

Natalie, who, for no apparent reason, hated me and loved to make my life hard. Maybe it stemmed out of the different social statuses we had in the high school we attended. I was merely a nobody newcomer, and I wanted so much to be a nobody, to not attract anyone's attention and be left alone to grieve. On the opposite side, she was one of those senior popular girls who loved to pick on the nobodys. And I was her perfect target.

I don't think her feelings changed very much with time. The way she looks at me from across the room, her face getting that expression it always took before she said something mean…

She starts walking straight toward me.

Fuck me.

"Hey, Rose."

"Hey!" I temper my nervous smile so that she doesn't think I'm glad to see her. Because I'm not.

I cannot pull away when she hugs me, so I need to do this too, which only adds to my rising anxiety, as all the memories kick in.

"What are you doing here?"

"You know… I'm… around."

"Looming around the real artists?" She mocks me and I find myself dragged back to those high school days. "Hoping you can get your minutes of glory somehow?"

On a normal day, if it were anyone before me talking like that, I would have already punched them. But now, I cannot even talk back. Why? Because she is reminding me of a time in my life when I couldn't stand up for myself. She reminds me of one of the worst years in my life, when I had lost everything, myself included. She was one of the few Moroi I ever interacted with and she was always so much more than I was. Richer, while I had to live off my own money because I always returned my father's checks. More talented, as the teachers in art classes never praised me like they praised her. More popular as she wasn't afraid of people, especially the guys around her. Like that, her constant bullying from years ago, prevents me from fighting back now.

"I cut short my trip to Italy with my husband, just to attend this exhibition, and it's so crazy to meet you here. How is it going? Still playing with crayons?"

I want to punch her in that perfect face, with her perfect smile and that perfect hair and oh, the way she touches her pearls, just to drag my attention toward them! But I can't move. I'm only digging my nails into my palm, praying that she gets done with it faster and leaves.

"You know, I gave up on this life of an artist when I got married, but it could be easier for you to get into the industry if… you know…" she smiles as she wiggles her eyebrows up and down. "I mean, I bet you're still single, aren't you?"

She takes a look at my left hand and then at hers, just so that I could see that diamond resting on her finger. If she didn't tell me two times already that she was married, I would have been surprised someone can stand her for more than an hour.

"That could ease things up for you. It's not unheard of anyway."

"I just…" she is implying that the only way I can make it out is to fuck my way up, and that fucking hurts. Because… is it true? Did Ivan do this for me just because he wants to get laid?

God, what am I doing? Why am I doubting his intentions? Weren't we on good terms?

"Or if you need some help, I still have some connections."

Out of nowhere, I feel a hand around my middle and someone pulling me closer to them.

When I turn my head around, I see it's Ivan who did that, and with a smile, he hands me a glass of champagne. I am so confused right now. I can only stare blankly at him as I hold onto the glass.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to come back with your drink, darling." Darling?! "But Dimitri just told me that another painting of yours got sold and we got carried away in conversation."

"Ivan? Is that you?"

He ignores Natalie and oh, the way he continues to look at me… that smile on his lips and that warmness in his eyes, it's like he's smitten with me. Eventually, he takes his eyes off me and looks at the woman in front of us. Does he know her? Because she seems to know him.

"And you are?" he asks, with a hint of boredom in his voice.

Oh, the look in her eyes. How disappointed she is, I fucking love it. I fucking love him at this moment for doing this to her.

"It's Natalie. You don't remember me?"

"I should?" he sounds so unimpressed and I have to restrain a smile. "Honey, who is she?" Honey too? He's going to use all pet names existent? Honestly, I don't mind right now.

Her ego is hurt and I guess she hates me more now. But should I care? She was mocking me just a minute ago and now she's getting what she deserves.

"Natalie."

"Natalie who?"

"Natalie Dashkov. Well, now it's Tarus, but-"

"Oh. That Natalie," he says with a tone that's not so excited. "The one who spread those rumors about something we didn't do at summer camp when you were fifteen and I was the senior in charge, right?" What rumors?

"You two are a thing?" she asks, obviously pissed off. It must be true she did that, if she dodged the subject so fast, right?

His grip around my middle gets tighter.

"I don't know. Are we?" He asks looking at me with those sappy eyes again. "I guess we are." He now holds her gaze, like daring her to ask some more obvious questions. He is so sarcastic, I fucking love it!

"And did he just say your painting got sold?" Oh, how I wish I could make a pirouette! The tone of her voice, damn!

"Yes, I did. That guy over there just bought it." He points to a man in the crowd, whose manners scream from a mile that he's an aristocrat.

"But… but that's my husband."

No fucking way!

"Well, I guess that from now on you'll have one of Rose's paintings on your wall. Enjoy it. My future wife is an amazing artist."

He is slaying her in ways I never thought could be possible!

"Yeah, whatever." She rolls her eyes and leaves.

But as we're left alone, I realize the position we're in.

"You can let go of me now."

"Some more seconds, she's still watching." He smiles at me. "Should I kiss you too?" That cockiness of his is back. What else should've I expected?

"Why are you doing this?" I want to get away, but he turns me in such a way that I face him now, and I am still in his arms.

"Teasing you, or the other thing?"

"The other thing, obviously."

"I heard some of the things she said to you and you just listened to her,' he sounds rather surprised by that. "Why didn't you do anything?"

"I just… I don't know… I guess I just… lost my words."

"You lost your words? It doesn't sound like a problem you'd ever encounter."

"Why do you care?"

He smiles. "Maybe I don't." Oh, he sounds just like his best friend and that annoys the shit out of me.

"Let go of me right now."

But as he does, I find Natalie coming back our way, which means I cannot punch him, nor run away.

"Hey, I was wondering… in fact, my husband was…" she makes a pause, and she looks like she's fighting with herself to get these words out. "Would you two be up for a party at our place this upcoming week? You know, you could tell people about your painting that they'd be seeing there. My husband would really like that." Which means she wouldn't. Which means it would be great if we'd go, just in spite of her.

Ivan turns and looks at me. "What do you say, darling? Do you think we can make it?"

No. I should tell her no. But I can't. It felt good to show her that I'm doing well, even if it was just pretending. I liked being that Rose in front of her, to see her face filled with jealousy.

"Of course we can. I mean, we haven't seen each other in years, don't we? We need to catch up, Natalie."

"Great!" she sounds more excited than she should. She's a really bad actor. "I'll reach out to you, I have your business card." Yeah, Ivan has been handing those left and right tonight on my account.

But after she leaves, I start regretting it. I acted hastily and only thought of myself. I never considered what he'd like to do.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that. You don't have to... I'll go tell her we can't go. I'll tell her we don't-"

"We don't what?"

"We're not… this perfect couple and-"

"You're going to go and tell her we've lied to her?"

"What else can I do? How far can we take this?"

"It will only be one evening. A couple of hours. We can pretend."

"You're telling me we should do this?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Why give her the satisfaction of knowing the truth? Well, it's not like we're lying, we're going to be married soon and all that. We will only be pretending that we're madly in love. We won't even be lying about your success because you rock, Rose. She's been talking that way to you for how long?" I think he understands enough when I don't come up with an answer. "She did it all this time, except now, when you're having something she wanted."

"I don't have-"

"You do. She's a failed artist and she wanted to be with me once. And you have them both now. You want her to have more reasons to treat you badly? Because this is what will happen if you go tell her the truth."

"I don't know..."

"If you don't trust me with it, then I promise you, I'll be a good boyfriend. Well, pretend-boyfriend."

"What are you getting out of it?"

He shrugs. "Spending time with you." He lifts an eyebrow, playful. "Maybe a pretend kiss to piss her off some more?"

I punch his chest. "You're awful. But thank you."

"Mr. Zeklos!" Someone wants to take him away, and I am more than glad to let him go, for the look in his eyes earlier meant that he had a line prepared to deliver and I am sure I didn't want to hear it.

Later on, I'm talking to Lissa, but I find my eyes drifting up, looking for Ivan the whole time I'm having this conversation, not being able to understand why he would do such a nice thing for me when all I've been toward him has been a major bitch. When my eyes finally meet his, he smiles at me and just like a stupid teenager, I feel my cheeks burning and I look down, thing that makes Lissa chuckle.

"I don't want to hear it."

"You two should rent a room with all that sexual tension between you two."

"Shut up, or I'll seriously reconsider how I feel about hitting pregnant women."

"I mean it. After all, it's late and as you're madly in love…"

"Did the word go around about that?"

She nods. "Your best friend Natalie made sure of it. Plus, we all saw it when he held you and the way you two were looking at each other..."

Fuck. Why didn't I think about it when it happened?

I know! Because I was too happy gloating about pissing Natalie off.

"There's a nice hotel across the street," Lissa teases. "I recommend a room with a single bed, so people don't start getting suspicious."

"Liss…"

"Fine, fine, I'll shut up."

"Tell me one thing though."

"What?"

"Do we seem believable?"

"Why are you asking me that?"

I tell her about what's going to happen later this week because I'm still stressing about it.

"You know how these things always end up, right? You two pretending to be a couple…"

"We're not in the movies."

"Right. You're two mature people who pretend to do what they're denying they're already doing."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Come on, Rose. It's alright if you admit it."

"I am not into Ivan. I am just starting to find him… agreeable at times."

"But you know, you'll marry him soon."

That's a thing I don't want to think about. Because that scares the shit out of me.

"Not that soon."

"Whatever. What is really, time? I'm talking about facts here. Deny it all that you want."

I soon get distracted from my future marital issues. Because I find what I agreed to earlier, at the table.

Ice cream. With Ivan, Dimitri, and her. To celebrate tonight. She knows a great place. Of course she does.

I don't know if I should be glad they're not going all by themselves to get something to eat and continue their date tonight, or I should pity myself because I am going to subject myself to more of her keeping her hands on him, and him not pulling away like burned, the way he does whenever we touch for a little too long.

But it is too late for me to opt out of it. The only reason I can give is that I'm afraid I might strangle her, and if they'll ask why I have such thoughts…

Damn me, I now wish I didn't sell a single painting. The ice cream is indeed great, but nothing can soothe away the pain I feel when I hear all the history that Dimitri shares with that woman. Because she just cannot keep her mouth shut about it. Dimitri this, Dimitri that, and oh, Dimitri something else!

I know I should be glad that I find out he can be so much different than the façade of "I am an emotionless guardian", but I hate that he is so easily like that with her, and I have to put in three day's work and plan my jokes so carefully to get a reaction from him. There's always a half-smile for me, but for her? Seeing him laugh right now, remembering the good times he spent with her, it kind of breaks my heart.

But I understand that unlike with me, he could have a life with her. Because he likes her, truly. He could leave Ivan and go be her guardian for a while. He then could have a family with her, some way or another. Being with her, it would be a good life for both of them. They get along well and it is obvious enough that she wants more. And why wouldn't he want that too?

It is only my selfishness and delusions that make it so hard to accept that someone else could have him. But at the end of the day, this is what he wants, right? Or rather, I know what he doesn't want. And that is me. I'm in no way close to anything that he likes and I'm just a stupid little girl, and he told me himself he sees what happened between us as a mistake. And it was so, so wrong. With her, things would be right and no one would suffer. Ivan wouldn't suffer. As insufferable he is, I promise myself right here and right now that I won't make him suffer like that, ever.

This is why, when Tasha proposes we all go have a walk along the lake, I lean into Ivan and tell him I'm tired. He's kind enough to offer himself to accompany me back to the Court, leaving the other two to go and have that walk.

From the car, I watch them walk away, and my heart breaks a little more.

Ivan's hand over mine brings me back.

"Hey, are you alright?"

I blink a couple of times, trying to get rid of the tears in my eyes before I look at him.

"Yeah, just a bit tired, that's all."

He smiles at me. "That's expected, seeing what a full night you had."

I smile too. "All thanks to you. Thank you, Ivan."

"Oh, don't mention it, kiddo."

The driver revs the engine and I take one more look out the window, but they're long gone.

"Can we take the long route back?"

"Why? You don't know how to find any other way to be in my presence for longer?" he jokes, but I'm about to be very serious.

"Yeah, I don't." He is too surprised to manage to hide it. "Don't get your hopes up though. I declare you on probation."

He laughs. "Fair enough."

Dimitri's POV

A few hours after we parted ways with Rose and Ivan, we get back to the Court too, and I take Tasha to her room.

"Do you want to come inside?" she voices the question I dreaded and avoided the entire night. If we could have walked along the lake until the sun rose, I would have done it.

"I shouldn't."

Her eyebrows lift and she looks rather amused by my answer. "You shouldn't. Since when?" The best thing I can do is to shrug. "I thought we established we're long over you trying to do the chivalrous thing, Dimka."

"I…" I can only shrug once more. I cannot voice the truth in front of her.

She smiles. "What changed since last time?"

Everything. It changed for a long time before that, but that night I was looking for a way to prove myself it didn't.

"It's not fair toward you."

"Let me decide what is fair toward me," she says taking my hand in hers and pulling me closer.

She waits for my response to her offer. And she is offering me so much. Especially oblivion. The chance to make those images of Rose from keeping on popping into my head, even if for a short while.

I take one step closer and she smiles. She knew I'd do this, didn't she? But she doesn't know my reasons. She doesn't know I'm making my way into one woman's bed, trying to forget another.

Rose's POV

"Rose, you're supposed to train, not play with Millie," Dimitri scolds me first thing in the morning.

"She wouldn't stop meowing when I wanted to leave, and I didn't know what else to do but take her along," I explain to him, but truth is, I got her with me as a reason to avoid today's training session. How can I spare with him when I can only think of him doing to her what he was about to do to me a couple of days ago?

He doesn't seem too eager for us to get fighting either, for he soon lets himself sucked in by Millie's cuteness.

But my training session shortening is not the only thing out of the ordinary today. And not even Evette's praise at my etiquette lesson is what surprises me the most. It's the call I get, around 5 o'clock.

I never thought it would happen, Natalie inviting us to that party she mentioned, and I never imagined it would happen this fast either. She expects us at her place at seven. It's quite a short notice and I have the feeling she did it with the purpose of me telling her I could not attend it just because of that short notice. But I call Ivan too and he agrees right away. If I can get ready in an hour, so can he.

So in the span of an hour, I manage to look semi-gorgeous and he comes to pick me up. He made sure to get out a Rolls Royce, and I made sure to wear my fanciest dress and jewelry. When it came to being good guests, Ivan insisted on paying for the gift we'd bring, and after a lot of back and forth on the matter, I kind of let him win that argument because in no way did I have 600 dollars to spend on a set of candles with a name I could never pronounce right.

When we pull up in front of her house, I am starting to get cold feet.

"Oh, why are we doing this? It's crazy. I can't do it."

"Why not?"

"Because she will figure it out that we're faking it."

"She will not."

"I don't know…"

"Why are you so afraid of her?"

"Because she always made me feel like shit," I confess to him. "And there was a time in my life when I let her do it."

"Then don't give her this power anymore."

"I don't know how."

"I can help you figure it out. But you need to do it in there. I don't think you'll be getting another chance at it soon enough."

I take a deep breath and internalize his encouragement. "Fine. Let's do this." at least I won't be all alone in there, as I used to be all the times she put me down.

I take my seatbelt off and want to get out, but he stops me by putting his hand over mine.

"What?"

"Do you think we should kiss after we get out? She's at the window, watching us," he explains right away.

His strategizing, makes me smile.

"Is this you wanting to make her angry or you're looking for a way to kiss me?"

He smiles too. "Both?"

"Just to make things clear, we're going to pretend, aren't we?"

"Of course. I'm on probation. I wouldn't even dare to deceive you."

Chuckling at how seriously he takes this matter, I agree.

We exit and I'm the one to put my hands through his hair and drag him toward me, before I lose my courage to do it.

After our fake kiss, we're laughing at the craziness of what we're about to do as we get walking toward the house. Of course, I am trying not to pay too much attention to the guardians who saw this happening, especially Dimitri, who was on our tracks from the second we left the Court. Pretending to kiss Ivan doesn't even come close to the way I was kissing him, but I shouldn't even be thinking about this. Not tonight. Not ever again.

As we get closer to the house, I see that Natalie has gotten some more money in her name. I mean, this is not a simple house, it's a mansion. Smaller than Ivan's, but still, it looks hella expensive. And all that money added to her bitchiness. So god help us tonight.