A/N very long chapter, goes into depth about Calli's emotions and thoughts.

It wasn't simple; I was taken to the hospital shortly after my appearance in the modern world. The Good Samaritan thought I was a homeless or runaway slave. The hospital staff was kind healing my physical ailments; I received many banana bags and transfusions. I was so disoriented and exhausted half the time they would ask me questions I would reply in Elvish.

A doctor stood before me, clipboard in hand, his expression a mix of concern and professionalism. "Hello, I am Dr. Shekkli. What is your name? Can you tell me your medical history?" he asked, his voice breaking the stillness of the room.

"Baw, Latex, Feuime- culuma timeáve- Eless-" [No, latex. Hate orange taste medicine]

I saw Legolas everywhere, the soap operas, the nurses, the housekeeping. Everyone reminded me of him, the sweet nurses who would comfort me before I needed it, the evil villain in the show who had no redeemable qualities, all were him.

"Let's start with the basics. Any known medical conditions or allergies?" The doctor tried again several days later.

"Latex gives me a rash, Orange flavored medicine makes me nauseous. I have vitiligo and anemia; I haven't been to a rheumatologist since I was a child…"

The doctor nodded, "And you know what the vitiligo means?"

"Increased risk of autoimmune thyroid disease, type 1 diabetes, pernicious anemia, rheumatoid arthritis, systemic lupus erythematosus, and Addison's disease," I spoke as if I were quoting a textbook.

"Yes, I'd like your consent to run an RPG that is a-"

I cut him off, "Random Plasma Glucose. You think I have type-1?"

He nodded again, "Have you had this test done before?"

I shook my head, "No."

The room was sterile, with a soft hum of machinery and cold fluorescent lights. But it was my room, and I was healing. I was going to put Legolas behind me, Middle-Earth behind me. I would stay here where I belong and never get hurt again.

A nurse floated into the room, lifting the blanket off of me, and kneaded my stomach while humming to herself, "Healing nicely, does that hurt? Any discomfort?"

I grimaced but shook my head. "I think we'll give you a bolus of Phytonadione to be safe," she muttered.

Phytonadione, aka Vitamin K. It's used to treat internal bleeding and promote clotting. When I arrived the staff was surprised I was able to even speak with how much blood was in my abdomen. It was another reminder of who hurt me. Legolas did this, Legolas brought me to death's door and if I ever see him again I will bring him to the same door.

A new figure entered the room – a psychologist, adorned with a calm demeanor that hinted at a practiced ability to navigate the complexities of the human mind. A cold metallic taste filled the back of my throat as the nurse flushed my line and stepped out of the way.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Reynolds," the psychologist greeted me, pulling a chair closer. "I'm here to help you make sense of what you've been through. What is your name?"

I tried to sit up, "I'm not crazy." The nurse busied herself with charts.

He gave me a pitying look, "I'm here to understand not label, you know my name, what shall I call you?"

"Piss off, I don't need Psych."

The nurse and him exchanged looks. "Dr. Shekkli spoke to me of your problems sleeping," he continued. "Would you like to talk about that? I also have problems sleeping sometimes."

"Stop trying to relate to me, you're off my service." I shooed him waving my arms and the IV along with it.

He gave an apologetic look to the nurse, "I'll try again after rounds,"

oOo

"You sorry sack of crap!" I yell throwing crack wrappers at the tv across the room, they merely floated through the air. I watched the characters dance through contrived love triangles, my mind momentarily escaped the complexities that haunted me. However, the illusion of comfort shattered when the love interest on the screen betrayed his partner.

"You don't deserve her!" I threw anything within arm's reach. Pillows and even a stray medical chart became makeshift projectiles, hurled at the screen as if to vent the pent-up emotions that had been building within me.

A nurse rushed into the room, alarmed by the commotion. "Are you okay? What's happening? Wake up, wake up."

"I'm not asleep!" I shrieked ignoring her and trying to hit the TV. The nurse, though bewildered, offered a sympathetic smile. "Television can be intense sometimes. Do you want to change the channel?"

As the nurse fiddled with the remote, I sank back into the hospital bed, the remnants of my outburst lingering in the air.

"If you tell Dr. Reynolds I'll gut you like a fish." I spit at her.

Hindsight, not the best way to go about not seeing Psych. Perhaps threatening violence should not have been my first thought.

The door to the hospital room creaked open, and Dr. Reynolds, the psychologist, stepped inside. His calm demeanor seemed undisturbed by the waves of hate I was sending him telepathically.

"Rough day?" he inquired, his voice a blend of concern and curiosity, he sat down in a chair shooting it close to the bed.

I nodded.

"Sometimes, a good scream is a release we all need," Dr. Reynolds remarked, pulling up a chair. "Mind sharing what triggered your reaction?"

I turned away from him facing the window, "Are you still having trouble sleeping? Would you like to talk about that?"

"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it right now. We can explore it when you feel ready." He made to stand, "We can explore these emotions at your own pace."

I whipped around in the bed and faced him, "What? What did you just say?"

"We can explore these emotions at your own pace. Whenever you're ready, I'm here."

"The hell we will." I waved him off.

Emotions were something I didn't want to explore. I cleared my throat hesitantly as he made for the door; "Actually," he paused but didn't turn around fully. "Can you write me a script for Sertraline?"

Now he did turn fully, "Why would I do that? Have you taken that medication before?"

I shook my head, refusing to speak further. He gave me a gentle smile, "I'll talk to the pharmacist and see what I can do,"

oOo

The day arrived when the clinical confines of the hospital could no longer hold me. In a wheelchair, guided by a nurse, I navigated the sterile hallways toward the exit. The scent of antiseptic gradually gave way to the fresher air of the outdoors.

As we rolled past the reception area, the automatic doors swung open, and a rush of sunlight greeted me. It was a stark transition from the controlled environment of the hospital to the untamed unpredictability of the world beyond.

The nurse, guiding the wheelchair, offered a friendly smile. "It's a beautiful day. How are you feeling?"

"Better, I guess," I replied, my gaze shifting from the hospital façade to the expanse of the outside world.

I had spent weeks in the hospital, the last of which wasn't needed, I think it was just Dr. Reynolds buying time trying to pry about my situation. He was convinced I was a runaway slave. Diagnosed me with Complex PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, depression, and stated I showed signs of Depersonalization/ Derealization Disorder.

That one was perhaps the most laughable diagnosis.

Depersonalization occurs when you feel disconnected from your own thoughts, self, body, or both. These episodes often involve feeling as though you're outside your body witnessing the events taking place around you, as opposed to participating in those events yourself.

Derealization is more about feeling disconnected from your surroundings. According to the American Psychiatric Association, this often involves a person feeling as though the world around them isn't real.

Logically, who wouldn't have DPDR after jumping through time?

The wheels of the wheelchair rumbled over the pavement, each rotation marking a step away from the regimented routine of hospital life. The sun, warm on my face, felt like a gentle caress—an affirmation that life extended beyond the sterile confines I had grown accustomed to.

As we approached the curb, the nurse brought the wheelchair to a stop. "Here you go. Take it easy, and if you have any concerns, don't hesitate to reach out."

I nodded as I shakily stood to my feet. I would have to rebuild my life now. Did I even want to still be a nurse? I could be anything I wanted. I don't need to get a CDL so I can make sure Dargan gets to work, I can be anything I want.

The feeling was freeing, and terrifying all at once. The city unfolded around me—a mosaic of colors, sounds, and faces. My surroundings became a tapestry of urban life—people bustling about their day, the distant hum of traffic, and the scent of street food wafting through the air. A subtle smile played on my lips as I embraced the anonymity of the crowd. I finally had control; I finally had a choice in my destiny.

oOo

The rhythmic buzz of tattoo machines and the rich scent of ink permeated the air as I stepped inside.

"Sorry I'm late, I brought coffee!" I call out holding my peace offerings of liquid gold to my boss. Walls adorned with intricate designs, the constant hum of creativity, and the eclectic mix of people defined the new world I had stepped into.

"Thanks, Calli," my boss said gesturing for me to leave them on the counter. I remember my first time in this place.

Approaching the counter, I inquired about job opportunities, my eyes scanning the kaleidoscope of artwork that adorned the walls. It terrified me; it was not at all who I was.

"We're looking for someone to handle reception and assist around here," Katelyn my now boss had said, her eyes assessing more than just my resume. "Think you can handle the vibrant chaos of a tattoo shop?"

I had been working here for three weeks, and have loved every minute of it.

"Thanks for the coffee, Mouse," Jeff one of the tattoo artists ruffled my hair as he grabbed his cup.

This was the life. I sighed blissfully before the phone rang and I had to start actually working and making appointments.

oOo

"Hey, new blood, have you ever thought about getting inked yourself?" Gage, asked as Jeff shoved him. It was after hours, only the three of us remained in the shop, I was cleaning up; they were simply talking and standing in the way.

I chuckled, glancing at the vivid designs that adorned his arms. "I appreciate the art, but I'm not sure if I'm ready for a permanent commitment."

Gage grinned, "Give it time; you might change your mind. We're a persuasive bunch." Laughter echoed through the shop, and the atmosphere became more familial with each passing day.

"Want to get a drink with us at Boondocks?" Gage asked.

I flushed and shook my head, "I should be getting home…"

One Friday evening, the tattoo shop buzzed with activity. The artists prepped their stations for a late-night session, and the air was charged with the anticipation of ink meeting skin. I, too, was caught up in the energy, answering calls and organizing appointments.

Amidst the flurry, Gage called me over. "Hey, come check this out." He gestured toward the design he was working on—a magnificent phoenix unfurling its wings across a client's back.

"That's incredible," I marveled, watching as the vibrant colors took shape under his skilled hands.

Jeff scoffed, "Look at this, that's nothing!" I turned to see what it was and felt the blood drain from my face.

It was tengwar, Elvish script I had yet to learn how to read yet could recognize anywhere. "What does it say?"

Jeff smiled, "It's for a client of mine, 'one ring to rule them all.' He's getting it in place of a wedding band. Will be a pain in the ass."

The Elvish script, with its graceful arcs and mystical resonance, seemed to echo a deeper longing. It wasn't just a design; it was a silent cry for connection, an emotion I had barred myself from feeling.

"Calli? Are you alright?"

I took a deep gulp of air, "I'll be right back, I'm going on break."

The heavy door of the tattoo shop swung shut behind me, and as I stepped into the cool air, the contrast with the warmth and vibrancy of the shop struck me. The alley, usually a passage between worlds, now felt like a corridor of solitude.

Tears welled up, and without warning, I found myself running through the dimly lit alley. Each step echoed the silent ache that had been building within—the loneliness that lingered despite the vibrant camaraderie of the tattoo shop. The walls seemed to close in, casting elongated shadows that mirrored the complexities of my emotions.

No Calli, get ahold of yourself! Neon signs flickered, casting fleeting shadows that mirrored the transient nature of connection.

The echoes of laughter from the tattoo shop faded, replaced by the distant sounds of the city—the hum of traffic, the occasional sirens, and the muffled music from nearby establishments. I was different now, I colored my hair, I wore foundation, I covered myself, I wasn't Calico anymore. Why will I always be haunted by her? Will I always have this reaction to anything of my past?

When I finally slumped onto my knees from exertion I was no longer in New Jersey.

"Piss!"

I didn't even try to hide, or quiet my steps. I hoped I was in a timeline full of orcs; let them kill me so I can be done with this.

The scent of distant rain lingered in the air, a promise of cleansing that seemed to mirror the internal turmoil.

I was in a forest, but it was significantly less gloomy than the one before. Was I still in Mirkwood?

The sweet strains of a voice, soft and melancholic, wove a tale that seemed to echo through the trees. I recognized the voice, and instantly wanted to travel back on command. The song carried the weight of ages, each note a brushstroke painting a vivid picture of the enchanted forest, the starlit romance, and the sacrifices made in the name of love. It was the same song he had sung to me so long ago. Why was he here?

I found myself drawn to the sound and without thinking; I made my way toward him. His back was to me, he was busy making a camp of sorts.

"Well, well, what have we here?" Gimli boomed in a hearty voice, the deep resonance echoing between the trees. "An Elf serenading the moon?" His presence caused me to jump; he carried an armful of firewood.

The Elf, surprised but not easily rattled, turned toward the dwarf with an arched eyebrow. "And what's wrong with a little singing in the moonlight, my stout friend?"

Gimli shook his head, "You're thinking of her again aren't you?"

Legolas sighed looking up at the sky, "I never told her, I feared she would reject me."

Gimli began lighting the firewood, "Anyone with eyes can see the lass is enamored by you."

Legolas shook his head still looking skyward, "I'm afraid my past sins will forever haunt me."

Gimli stood and walked over to him placing an awkward hand against his back, "You said she doesn't remember."

Legolas looked down, his face heavily shadowed and glowing in the firelight. "I don't know anymore, in Edoras I thought we were making progress… Every step we made she seemed to step back, afraid."

He marched to his bag, pulling out a two bowls, "She thinks me a harlot."

Gimli burst into laughter, "You just need to tell her, next time you see her."

Legolas scowled into his bag pulling out an assortment of food, "What if it is not for years? She just disappears and I'm left empty. What if she never comes back?"

Gimli added more wood to the fire, "She's tethered to you, with them Elven-bonds. She'll come back, I suggest when she does you stop putting your foot in your mouth."

Legolas laughed bitterly, "When I'm with her I feel like an Elfling, I've never said so many foolish things in my life."

Gimli laughed with him, "Doubt that."

A twig snapped under my foot, causing them both to jump for weapons. Legolas had an arrow nocked, "Who goes there? Step out and you will not be harmed."

I stepped out before him, Legolas instantly lowered his bow his expression was haunted.

He swallowed.

Gimli clapped his hands, "Lass! The Elf has not stopped speaking of your visit in Edoras; it's so good to see you again."

I stood stiffly Legolas nor I spoke as Gimli continued his chatter, "Are you camped far off? Or is this one of them appearances? Why don't you join us lass? We're visiting Eryn Lasgalen."

Gimli appraised me, "Huh, did you do something different? You look…" he paused scratching his beard.

Gimli paced toward me placing my hand in his, "Just about to have supper, why don't you have a seat?" He turned to Legolas as he dragged me, "Come on Elf, get the lass a fine log!"

Legolas remained frozen and I found my voice, "Why didn't you tell me we had met before?"

He stuttered and stumbled forward the bow in his hand falling to the ground, "I was ashamed, when we met I-"

He ran a hand through his hair, "You look different."

I narrowed my eyes at him.

Gimli marched passed him waving his hand, "Guess I'll find a log myself."

Legolas stepped forward, I took a step back. "Is there more? Have we met more times?"

Why am I asking him? Why do I care? I hate him.

He frowned deeply reaching a hand out, "After your stay in Mirkwood-"

"My imprisonment and torture." I cut him off.

"I had not seen you again until we met in Lothlórien,"

Gimli found a log and rolled it over to the fire he was starting, "There ya go lass,"

I made no move, "You…You asked me if I was afraid of you that day. That day we played Hide and Seek."

He opened his mouth to reply but I took a step forward silencing him, "Did you know I didn't know? Did you know it hadn't happened for me yet?"

He raised his palms out, "I wasn't for certain. You- appeared younger,"

"When were you?"

He sighed, "In the garden, we had gone there to speak. You asked me what my home was like."

I shook my head, "So you just… What was your plan? Befriend me, bed me, then take me back to your castle and torture me in your dungeon? What is wrong with you? Why didn't you tell me?"

Gimli stood and mumbled something about needing more firewood.

"Calli please I'm not the Elf I once was, I regret what happened with Tauriel-"

I gaped at him, "I almost died Legolas! I don't care about your relations! You-" I pointed a shaky finger at him, "You're a monster. Your eyes lit up with glee at every blow I received."

"I'm not the Elf I used to be Calli," He dropped to his knees, his arms circled my thighs and he buried his face into them, "Please Calli, I would never wish to harm you."

I remained rigid, "Is this some exotic ailment from the depths of your mysterious homeland, Dol Guldur? Or perhaps it's a reflection of your tainted soul?"

His shoulders shook with silent sobs, "I was naïve and foolish to have fallen in love with you Prince."

I tried to pull him off but he wouldn't budge seeming to hold onto me with all his strength, "I am no longer naïve, I know who you are and what you are. I was never beautiful to you was I?"

My voice cracked, he immediately stood and cupped my cheek before I could deflect him, "You have always been beautiful in my eyes."

I shook my head against his palm, "I don't know which one of you is the real one. I don't know who you are."

"Please let me show you. I'll spend the rest of my life if needed, please."

"Why? Why do you even care what I think of you? You feel that guilty for who you were?" Nothing made sense, the way I instantly melted under his gaze and felt peace at his touch. Or the way he seemed physically pained at the pain he caused me. He didn't seem the same Elf, nothing made sense.

"Will you stay? Will you come with us? Please, let me show you the Elf I am? Let me show you how I care?"

"Why?" I challenged.

He brushed the hair behind my ear then grabbed my chin with both of his hands, "Because I love you."

I yanked my head back, "You think that will work on me? You expect me to roll over and show you my belly like a submissive dog? Piss off,"

I turned on my heel, Gimli was still gone 'collecting more firewood,' Legolas grabbed my arm. "Calliope please, where will you go? It is night you can't possibly think it wise to-"

I refused to turn around yanking my arm against his grasp, "I don't care what's wise leave me alone."

He scoffed, "Well I cannot allow you to wander alone!" He chased after me.

"No, I forgot you have to control everything!"

"This isn't about control!" He cried out as I began running. Twigs and branches scratched at my cheeks as I tried to further distance myself from him.

"Calli! Get behind me now." Legolas's voice was suddenly frantic.

I ignored him, "Just leave me alone, I don't want to be arou-" I was cut off by the sound of growling in front of me.

A pack of wargs, sleek and sinewy, jumped through the moonlit air, jaws agape. Instinctively, I screamed—a visceral sound that echoed through the glade, a plea for survival that seemed to pierce the night. Legolas was suddenly in front of me, his two long knives drawn and ready.

"Climb up that tree, and don't come down until I get you." He commanded without looking back.

"Piss off; maybe I was trying to die." I bit back though my knees were shaking and I in fact was not trying to die.

With each strike, the long knives became a blur, deflecting the snapping jaws of the wargs and countering with swift, lethal slashes.

The moonlight glinted off the elven blades as they wove a protective barrier around me. I frowned and shook my head. No, I couldn't simply forgive him, people don't change. He is the same Elf he was he's just better at hiding it.

His chest heaved as the last warg was taken down; he turned to me with eyes that glowed with anger. "You are the most irritating-"

I cut him off marching toward him, "I didn't ask you to save me, go away! If you're doing it for forgiveness then fine I forgive you just go away."

He scoffed, sheathing both knives. "And where will you go, into the mouth of a warg?"

I shrugged turning around and began walking away from him, "You would like that wouldn't you?"

He scoffed; his hand came down on my shoulder whipping me around to face him. His eyes were menacing and I cowered when they met mine. "Please don't," I begged and he immediately released me taking several steps back as if touching me had burned his hand. Was I still afraid of him? Or was I afraid of how I felt about him?

He dropped his hands to his side, flexing and clenching them, his brow scrunched, "Please come back to our camp I will not touch you again if you do not wish, I only wish for your safety." His voice was a whispered plea.

I felt like a deer in the headlights, he was an incoming car and instead of fleeing the road and danger I nod my head and succumb to the glare.

I found myself nervously babbling the entire walk back to camp. I felt guilty and angry with myself for feeling guilty. "I thought after the war all the orcs and evil went away?"

He made me walk in front of him, perhaps it's so he wouldn't have to look at me when I talked, "I wish that were so. The lands are at peace, yes, but it is not all gone away, just at bay."

"What's Eryn Lasgalen?"

He hesitated, "Many of the Galadhrim have started a colony there, Celeborn's doings."

I raised a brow, "You disagree with Lord Celeborn?"

He frowned, "It isn't my place."

I turned around wide-eyed. "Is Barasil there?"

He frowned deeper, "Aye, would you like to accompany us to their colony? I don't believe they've even named it yet."

I nodded shyly biting my lip. Barasil was always my friend, even in the beginning.

"Why are you going there?" I asked intrusively.

He glanced to his left looking like he ate something disgusting, "My father wished to speak to me urgently."

I frowned as well, "So you're going there and just passing through?"

He nodded.

When we got back to camp Gimli was fast asleep, his snores caused the canopy to rattle.

oOo

The morning was awkward. I fell asleep the night before staring into the coals of the fire, Legolas had offered me his cloak and his bedroll and I had snapped at him. So we both sat across from each other staring into the remnants of a fire, then this morning I woke up still in my sitting position covered in his cloak and I was reasonably upset.

"If you come near me again without my permission I will kill you, Prince!" I threw the cloak at him he caught it deftly, annoyingly.

"You were shivering," he replied with furrowed brows.

"Leave me alone! I'll go with you to the colony in Eryn Lasgalen but that's it then I never want to see you ever again!" I lied.

His eyes seemed to shatter with melancholy momentarily before the blank mask he wore returned. "As you wish my lady,"

I sighed; this wasn't me, why am I being so bitter? Why am I taking out all of my anger on him?

"I'm sorry Legolas; I don't know what's wrong with me," I whispered not holding enough gall to tell him upfront. If I did how would I react when he accepted my apology? Is this the PTSD or Depression? Or perhaps a different diagnosis making me rude and vindictive. Doesn't he deserve it though?

Gimli, bless his heart, tried to ease the awkwardness by forcing us to engage in conversations together much how Aragorn did in Lothlórien.

"Lass have you heard that song the Elf likes to sing?" Legolas tensed in front of me.

"Aye," I answered curtly. The air was thick with the musky scent of moss and the earthy perfume of decaying leaves, carrying with it the essence of centuries.

"Go on then lad, it's too quiet."

Legolas froze, and for a moment I thought he wouldn't sing but then his voice filled the silence. Gimli not knowing the words hummed along with him, it seemed Legolas sang this song often. Why is he so attached to the song of Beren and Lúthien?

When he had finished singing Gimli didn't miss a beat filling the silence with his banter.

Eventually, though, Legolas seemed to be getting as annoyed with him as I was.

"I'll go up ahead," he voiced not waiting for a reply. His shoulders visibly relaxed the farther he got from us.

It was much more enjoyable without him, I even found myself laughing in Gimli's company reminiscing on old times. That was until the Dwarf began to mine and dig up things I wished to keep buried.

"Why do you punish yourself and him by denying him?" He asked giving me a sideways glance.

I flushed scarlet, "Elves aren't like us, Gimli."

Gimli barked out a laugh, "Well are you a dwarf then now?"

I shook my head, "No, I mean, Elves have Fëamates." I shook my head again picking up my pace. "Legolas does- I know he is your friend Gimli so I will not say what I ought to, but Legolas and I would not work."

"Lad cares for ya, I don't understand all this bonded business," he waved a hand in the air. "I don't know why that would deter you either. Seems to me it would make you more inclined."

Why on earth would that make me more inclined? Do I look like a cheater? Yes, I do. Because not only did I kiss him but I relished in the kiss.

Before I could think up a reply Legolas rejoined us, "Just up ahead."

It wasn't long until we entered the colony; talans were assembled within the canopy but also small cabins and cottages rested on the ground. It was so much like Lothlórien yet strangely homier. Several Elves came up and spoke with Legolas, a few I recognized from my time in the Golden Wood.

Gimli was quiet and guarded, I can't blame him. Legolas was far too close to me, I couldn't seem to get more than a step away from him and he'd appear.

I wanted to part ways, but I didn't want to interrupt or make another scene, so I remained silent and watched as he laughed and smiled with the other Elves.

"You are going to the caves then?" One Elf asked clasping his arm with Legolas.

He nodded, "Aye, I haven't been since shortly after the war."

The Elf glanced down at me. Oddly I wasn't frightened being this close to Legolas, it was comfortable and I chastised myself for it. "Is this her?" The Elf asked.

Legolas stiffened, "Yes." He whispered.

"Hello," the Elf smiled a dazzling smile toward me speaking in a very thick accent. "I'm Neniel," the Elf bowed slightly.

"Calli," I answered in reply. I was afraid to speak, I was afraid to do anything around Legolas. Every interaction we had I would get angry and upset and hurt him. I couldn't control it, and it was draining. He's apologized and he's different now, why can't I just move on?

"She's very pretty," Neniel said slyly looking to Legolas who narrowed his eyes at him. "I heard her skin is like starlight but it does not appear that way."

Legolas tensed.

Should I reveal I can understand him? Or will that make it more awkward? Can he see the texture of my skin? The copious amounts of foundation? My confidence has skyrocketed, since giving in and changing myself. Uniform hair and uniform skin, normal, just like everyone else.

"I have heard much about you," He spoke to me still wearing the same smile, "I've wondered when Legolas would find his… The word is lost to me." He furrowed his brows tapping his finger on his chin, as if I would be able to read his mind and know the word he wished to speak.

"Gwedh" [Bonded] He stated with a flourish of his wrist.

I blinked flushing scarlet, "You must have me mistaken," I said quickly in Sindarin.

His eyes widened and he looked quickly at Legolas, "You said this was her."

Legolas looked as if he were about to have a panic attack at any given moment. Neniel dismissed himself awkwardly leaving just the two of us there in contemplative silence. I was the first to break it, "Thanks for saving my life with the wargs," I mumbled looking at my shoes.

"Why did he think I was her?" I said in an even smaller voice. "Why did he think I was your bonded Legolas?"

I had forgotten I was refusing to call him by his name and only his title.

"Would you like to walk with me?" He asked, his voice was shy and hesitant. I nodded taking his extended hand in mine.

"When an Elf bonds with another they need to only touch their beloved to know," he started to say quietly his hand tensing in mine and for a brief moment I allowed myself to hope.

"Legolas!" Someone yelled breaking both of our focus; I turned to the sound and felt the blood drain from my face.

Doogeas. He was one of the Elves from the dungeon. I pulled my hand out of Legolas's taking a step back in panic, my eyes wide and my breath quick.

"I didn't know you'd be visiting," Doogeas stated reaching Legolas, though Legolas wasn't looking at him but me.

I glanced at the Elf's hands, he was moving them as he spoke, my stomach lurched watching them. I know what those hands feel like.

Doogeas seemed to notice me then and paled as our eyes met, "Polod," he whispered almost as an apology. How did he recognize me? I look normal now.

What did he have to apologize for? He was only doing as his lord commanded. I didn't reply, I didn't trust myself. I focused on breathing, and when Doogeas left and Legolas tried to pull me out of my thoughts I snapped at him.

He placed a gentle hand on my back, "Would you like to sit down?"

"Don't touch me! Don't you dare touch me!" I screamed.

Why? Why am I like this? I let out a shaky breath, "I'm sorry. I just-" Just what Calli? Remember how he hurt you? How you almost died? "It will take some time for me."

His jaw was clenched, "Perhaps we should have our walk another time?" He offered.

Another Elf came up to Legolas interrupting us again. This one was an Elleth who also asked Legolas the same question, "Is this her?"

I waited for her to walk away before I attacked him with questions. "Are you telling people I'm your bonded? I don't understand."

"Calli?" I heard my name and looked to my right to see the breathtaking blonde barreling toward me.

"Oh Calli, you've come back to me!" Barasil scooped me into his arms and spun me around. The rest of the world faded and it became just him and I, two best friends.

"You look different," he assessed.

"Barasil put me down!" I giggled, his grip was tight and possessive I didn't think he had missed me that much but it warmed my heart to know he did. Barasil never wronged me, even in the dungeon.

He held me tightly against his chest carrying me bridal style, "Never!" He answered playfully.

The soft hiss of the blades sliding against well-worn leather echoed with the precision of a practiced hand. "Lady Calliope asked you to put her down." Legolas hissed holding his knife to Barasil's throat. What is wrong with him?

Barasil smirked holding me tighter; his eyes met Legolas in challenge. They seemed to have a pissing contest. "Legolas what the hell is wrong with you?" I shrieked as Barasil finally put me down.

His face fell as he sheathed his knife. "You-" He started to say and stopped.

I shook my head trying not to cause a scene. "Thank you for delivering me here," I said in a dismissive tone standing protectively in front of Barasil. It was laughable really, I wouldn't be able to stop Legolas if he tried to hurt him, and even with my fear of him and what he had done going through my mind, I wouldn't let it stop me from protecting my friend.

I glared up at him jutting my chin out; Legolas had the audacity to match my glare with one of his own, though I refused to cower. Barasil broke the tension, "I must thank you," Barasil stuck his hand out, "For delivering my Calli safely."

Legolas stared at his extended hand impassively. Gimli peeked his head around Legolas, "Are we staying the night?" He asked holding a tankard. How did he find alcohol already? I suppressed a giggle. How am I happy? Why are my moods so… Off? Is this the PTSD?

Can I forgive him? He's obviously not the same Elf he was before; if he were he would have let the wargs kill me. How was I so calm during the attack? Because I knew he would keep me safe.

I shook my head quickly and turned to Barasil, "Could you give me a tour?" He beamed down at me linking our arms.

"Welcome to Aldamir, Little Seer," He gestured with his other arm toward the colony. High above the forest floor, wooden walkways interconnected a myriad of treehouses, creating a treetop tapestry that seemed to defy gravity. It was just like Lothlórien, minus all of the buildings that were safely on the ground as well.

Barasil pointed out every building or would-be building and explained what it was or who lived there. Smoke spiraled lazily from chimneys, carrying with it the comforting scent of wood-burning fires. Being with Barasil felt natural, relaxing even. He spoke of what had happened since we last saw each other and in turn, asked me about my life.

"People pay money for that?" He shrieked in horror after I had explained in detail what a tattoo shop was.

I nodded giggling, "You don't have any do you?" He asked.

We were approaching his home, the last stop on the tour; he lived in a cottage with a thatched roof and a floor that was safely on the ground.

I turned and faced him, "Maybe…" I lied.

"Why did you change your hair and skin?" He asked.

I fiddled with my sleeves, "I was tired of being odd."

He scoffed, "Calli, you are odd in everything but appearances."

I laughed at his teasing, "What's that supposed to mean?"

His eyes dilate as they assess me; I try and fail to hide my grin as we reach the threshold. "Would you like to come in?" He asks, his voice suddenly deeper.

I nod feeling myself flush under his attention, he caresses my cheek, "I miss the stars." He murmurs. "Is it permanent?" He asked hope in his voice.

I shook my head, "No, the hair dye is, it'll grow out though, the foundation on my skin will come off if I wash it."

I look over my shoulder once before stepping inside and freeze. Legolas is glaring at us, he's holding polite conversation with some Elf but his eyes are honed on mine. How dare he be angry with me! He's angry because why? I roll my eyes and turn swiftly walking into Barasil's home.

"It's not much," he says.

The walls, constructed from sturdy timber, retained the character of the forest from which they were hewn. A series of handwoven tapestries adorned the walls, many were erotic in nature and I had to look away quickly.

Is this any different than the sculptures in Rome? They have naked everything on display and it's art! You don't blush at that, do you? Yes, you do.

"You don't mind my being here?" I asked trying to look everywhere in the room that wasn't covered with a naked something which was difficult.

He pulled me into an embrace inhaling deeply, "I want you here."

I felt flustered, maybe it was the fact I hadn't seen him in so long, or maybe it was how I had forgotten how handsome he was, or perhaps I didn't realize his taste in decorations.

"I'll still need to talk to Lord Celeborn to see if it's ok for me to live here, maybe I could be a healer again…"

"Don't worry about that." He released me and I tugged at my sleeves.

"I can get you a cloth to wash your skin." He stated. I didn't argue I slept in this foundation my skin desperately wanted to breathe, and it was nice being around someone who knew the real me.

Washing my face was cathartic, and surprisingly wasn't awkward even though Barasil was staring at me the entire time.

The furniture spoke of both functionality and a rustic aesthetic. A robust wooden dining table occupied one corner, its surface adorned with a scattering of dried flowers and pinecones. A modest hearth dominated the far end of the cottage. Blankets and pillows were scattered on a rug in front of the hearth, if it weren't for all the tapestries it might feel cozy.

"Are you alright? You appear more flushed than… normal." He was teasing me I knew he was, but still, I couldn't find the gall to tease back.

"I wasn't expecting… your way of decorating is interesting." I cleared my throat. Was I flushed from the decorations or simply from rubbing my skin raw?

He threw his head back and laughed, "Please sit," he gestured toward the rug with all the pillows, "I'll get you a drink."

I sat down in the pile and took my boots off, making myself at home; I looked back at the tapestries while I heard him at the other end of the house making drinks. Many were Elves; beautiful Elleth with long flowing hair, and a few had Ellon. One had a human, a woman who looked slightly like me, with brown hair and white streaks, but she stood completely nude, her back arched and her hands fondling herself. Her green eyes squinting in delight.

"Admiring the decor?" Barasil startled me plopping down next to me and placing a wineglass in my hand.

I flushed, "She kind of looks like me." I felt stupid the minute it came out of my mouth.

I downed my wineglass, "She is my favorite to look at," he gave me a wolfish grin waiting until I met his eyes to continue. "Those," He said pointing at the other naked people, "Don't have the same innocence,"

He refilled my wineglass; I tried for a subject change. "Why didn't you tell me we knew each other before? I was just there in the dungeon and…" I trailed off not knowing what to say.

He gave my hand a gentle squeeze. "It's a dark time I wish not to remember." He rose deftly and began adding wood to the fire, though the room was plenty warm.

I waited for him to sit down next to me again before I started speaking, "You were my only friend then, I know it was a dark time. I just… Thank you." I slammed my body into his feeling the alcohol beginning to take effect. He hugged me back his hands caressing my back gently.

"If you remember now. Why were you with him?" His voice was soft but the tick in his jaw gave away his anger as he pulled away and poured me another glass. Why isn't he drinking?

I shrugged, "I don't know. I don't know how to feel about him honestly, I was in love with him before." I scratched the back of my neck suddenly feeling very hot. "He's bonded though. So I kept it to myself and had hoped it would pass then in Edoras he kissed me and," I shook my head quickly to try to rid myself of the memory.

Barasil pulled me to him and began stroking my back, "Oh I am sorry Calli, I had no idea your feelings were that deep. I wish you would have told me, Legolas is a known womanizer."

I nodded against his chest, "Then I didn't see him again until I was there in the dungeon and he was so cruel and I don't know who he is, I don't know how to feel. I can't love him that's wrong, isn't it? Since he's bonded that makes it wrong, like he's cheating."

Barasil stiffened at that but said nothing. "He told me loves me. Do you think that's possible? Do you think he's just trying to have relations?"

"Did he tell you he was bonded or who he was bonded to?" He asked.

I shook my head pulling away from him feeling utterly hot, "Do you mind if I take off my hoodie?" I asked. I didn't want to bring up how many of the Elves here clearly thought I was his bonded; I didn't want to give myself false hope.

Legolas clearly wanted to take me on a walk to let me down gently, to explain he wanted a casual relationship before and his bonded was somewhere else and maybe I looked vaguely like her. Or maybe I was related distantly.

He shrugged nonchalantly, as I clumsily took my hoodie off; I wore only a white tank top underneath with no bra. Working at a tattoo parlor had its perks in way of uniform, I could wear anything.

"Relationships are built on trust Calli," he stated handing me my refilled glass, his eyes dark and hooded. "Two consenting Elves can form a relationship together regardless of a bond, but it will only end in pain if there is no trust."

I nodded slowly tipping my glass back again, "You don't think I can trust him?"

He furrowed his brows, "Can you?"

"He saved me from wargs." I looked into my glass visualizing the attack and how I stupidly disobeyed him.

Barasil snorted, "That makes him no knight."

"He's different now," I said, though I don't know why I defended him when a part of me felt the same sentiment Barasil felt.

Barasil sighed deeply, "You've always seen the best in others."

Have I?

"I wish I did still," I mumbled.

"Man, it's really hot in here are you hot?" I stood and stripped out of my jeans leaving me in just my tanktop and underwear. If I had not drank so much wine I would be mortified.

Wine! I shouldn't be drinking so much, elvenwine is strong.

I looked him in the eye, "Do you think I'll always be like this?"

He frowned, "What do you mean?"

"Do you think I'll always be angry and bitter?" I shook my head and then regretted it as the world began to spin.

"Are you still pure?" Barasil asked sitting cross-legged across from me as I swayed.

"What?" I asked throwing my arms in the air, "This isn't fair! How is everyone else so unchanged from war? You're an Elf you've lived forever how come you've always been kind and thoughtful even when there's so much hurt?"

"Oh Calli," he whispered, his eyes were conflicted and pained.

"I'm not even angry at the right things either. I'm not mad at Dargan, he's the reason I'm here, I'm not mad at the Valar, or even Sauron or orcs or anything! I'm mad at Legolas! Why? Why am I mad at him?" I babbled. "I don't know why he makes me so emotional. I can forgive others so easily. You must think me foolish."

"Your fury is righteous." He replied.

I shook my head, "Sometimes I wish I had never come here. I wish I could go back and never walk in those woods. I have no home now. If I go back things will be changed again, nothing is familiar."

He gave me a sad smile, "Your home is here with me. Always."

I returned it, "Thank you Barasil. You are my best friend."

His eyes darkened roving my body and I felt my breath hitch, "Have you had relations?"

I looked everywhere but him biting my lip, "No! And stop teasing me for it! I'm not like you."

"I'm not teasing."

I rolled my eyes, "How come you didn't sail West?"

He squirmed, "What do you mean?"

I shrugged, "A lot of elves did after the war. How come you stayed?"

He matched my nonchalance, "I have something I must do before leaving Middle-Earth."

I laughed, "Well I'm glad you're here, I would have missed you."

He rose to his knees his arms extending out and pulling me toward him, his nose was level with my stomach. "I can help you," I swayed slightly and was glad for his arms that wrapped around my thighs to hold me steady. "Do you wish it Calliope? Do you wish for my help?"

He looked up at me through his lashes I felt his breath against my belly button through my tank top, "What would I need help with?" I asked confused.

He began kissing feather-light kisses against the fabric of my tanktop, "I can help you forget about him. Do you trust me?"

"Forget about Dargan? What? Who are you talking about?" I asked.

He sighed against my skin, "Who do you want to forget Little Seer?"

I didn't reply right away hyperfocused on the way my stomach expanded with my breathing. He descended again kissing me through the fabric, "Hmm?"

"I don't want to forget anyone that's rude." I answered blankly trying to scoot away.

"Calli stop it." He shouted, his voice was hard. "Remember your pain? Remember what he did to you. I can help you forget him. Do you trust me?"

I nodded fervently the alcohol causing me to instantly feel nauseous with the movement, "Of course I trust you."

He flexed his hands gripping my thighs tighter as he buried his face into my stomach inhaling deeply. "Lay down, I'll be right back."

Confused and dazed I did what he asked only slightly aware he walked out of the front door. The floor pillows were beyond comfortable and all the wine was making me sleepy. I closed my eyes briefly and opened them again when I felt his hands trailing up my arm, his tunic was removed, when did he take it off?

"Say my name Calli," he whispered against my skin as he began kissing the same path his fingers trailed up my arm. "I want him to hear you say my name."

"No, thank you, I'm sleeping." I slurred trying to swat him away.

He chuckled against my shoulder, "Wake up, Little Seer." He bit down gently causing me to gasp and writhe. He grinned wickedly before nipping me again, his hands resting on my stomach gripping to hold me still.

"Say my name." He growled. I tried to sit up but he pushed down on my stomach. "I can give you so much pleasure."

"Stop being weird," I sputtered out, my heart racing and my mind foggy.

A knock sounded at the door, "Come in," Barasil drawled against my skin this time nipping closer to my neck. I threw my head back writhing underneath him. "Stop, I don't want this." I slurred in between moans. What was I saying? This felt great. I closed my eyes tangling my hands into his hair.

"Say my name." He murmured, it suddenly felt cold as if a window had opened and a draft swept in.

His hands began to roam, inching up and cupping my breasts as he began to suck on my neck.

"Legolas," I breathed.

He froze and suddenly the weight of him was gone. I hummed in satisfaction adjusting myself against the pillows.

"How dare you."

I squinted my eyes open annoyed by all the noise. Legolas stood there holding a knife to Barasil's throat. Barasil was pressed against the wall holding his palms out.

"Just returning the favor." Barasil answered his eyes hard and unwavering.

"I never raped her!" Legolas was trembling his muscles tense.

Barasil moved so quickly it made me dizzy, "Believe me, when I do have her, it will not be rape. She tastes sweet did you know that?"

I tried to sit up but my limbs felt heavy, "She trusts you, how can you call yourself one of the Eldar?" Legolas was red-faced and screaming.

"Yes, she does." Barasil's eyes flicked to me and softened before returning back to Legolas. "I think our friendship will withstand this. She's very fond of me." He took a step toward me and Legolas blocked his path.

"You've lost your mind. She'll never forgive you, you- you won't be allowed to sail West." Legolas said quickly as if he himself didn't believe what he was saying.

"She won't remember, when she wakes in the morning cradled in my arms," Barasil's voice deepened. "I'll wait until she's rested and sober for the real fun."

Legolas took a step toward him, "I won't let you."

Barasil raised a hand in the air, "Why didn't you tell her? That's what I find so curious, why haven't you told her of the bond?"

Legolas squirmed, "I want her to choose me out of desire, not force."

Barasil laughed, "You think she won't. You think she'll run off with another?" He paused and I couldn't see what he did through Legolas's frame. "You are right to think that. She's mine."

I finally drew the strength to sit up, the noise caused them both to turn and stare. "Legolas." I stated plainly giving him my curtest of nods. It is good he is here perhaps now I can apologize for constantly taking my anger out on him.

I tried to stand to my feet but wobbled like a newborn deer. "I'm sorry for falling asleep did I fall asleep? I think I fell asleep. I didn't know you were having guests well I am a guest too I suppose.." I began babbling as both remained frozen staring each other down.

"Would you like to go to bed?" Barasil asked innocently. Legolas growled at him.

I blinked and shook my head. "No, that would be a bit rude. Can I have a glass of water? Thanks," I said walking toward the hearth and bending to add another log to the fire.

Barasil returned handing me a glass of water which I clumsily spilt all over myself trying to drink. The white tank top became translucent and clung to my breasts outlining the peaks of my nipples.

"Calliope put your hoodie on now." Legolas's voice was strained and angry. Why was he angry?

"You look cold Calli, would you like to take that off and I'll get you something dry to wear?" Barasil asked from my other side distracting me.

I nodded at his logic reaching for the hem of my tanktop and began lifting the fabric when Legolas shouted, "No!"

I froze, my arms at an awkward angle and my bare stomach exposed. Legolas marched toward me scooping me into his arms and carried me out of the door.

"She won't forgive you for this Legolas. She'll wake and find you controlling her again…" Barasil called out from the threshold causing Legolas to freeze midstep, his grip on me tightening.

"And I won't forgive myself if I allow her to stay with you. Goodbye Barasil."

Barasil laughed, "I'll be seeing you, Legolas."

oOo

"When I arrived she was in this state!" I opened my eyes snuggling closer to Legolas who held me.

"I cannot convict him solely on your account alone," I turned to the owner of the voice seeing Lord Celeborn standing there. I tried to squirm out of Legolas's arms but he only tightened his grip as I flailed. "Calliope can you tell me what happened with Barasil?" Celeborn asked.

I looked at his face for a long time; I had thought my reply and waited patiently for his response. He only stared at me in return, it was then I realized I never spoke. "We were hanging out." I hiccupped.

"Did he ever coerce you or try to get you to do something you did not want to do with him?"

"Who?" I asked.

"Barasil."

I smiled, "Oh. Barasil and I were hanging out."

This conversation repeated.

"-Legolas my hands are tied in this matter."

"He was clearly taking advantage of her! You can see that! She had enough wine to get an Elf drunk; you see her state of undress! He undressed her and-"

"We don't know what happened, and from her testimony, he hasn't done anything she didn't wish."

Legolas scoffed.

"Legolas I know you have a personal feud with Barasil. He has done very well here, he became a warde-"

Legolas cut him off, "You think I'm making it up."

Celeborn sighed, "Barasil and Calliope have been close since her arrival in Lothlórien. It's natural to become jealous." He shook his head, "Galadriel had her share of affairs…"

Legolas tightened his grip painfully causing me to cry out. "If he goes near her I will kill him."

I buried my face into his chest.

oOo

I woke with a start, sitting up in bed panting. Where am I? The bed, positioned against one wall, was a rustic masterpiece crafted from intertwining branches and adorned with soft linens in muted earth tones. Across from me were many shelves. Shelves displayed small trinkets—wooden carvings, polished stones, and delicate flowers preserved in glass vials. I rubbed my forehead groaning. I must be at Barasil's. I must have been exhausted. I stretched shoving the blankets aside. A knock sounded at the door, "Milady are you awake?" I furrowed my brows.

"Yes." I hesitated. The door opened and an Elleth walked in carrying a tray full of breakfast and under her arm what appeared to be clothing.

Did Barasil get a maid? Is this one of his conquests? "My name is Ellior; You'll be under my care for your stay here."

I blinked at her, "Where's Barasil?"

She paled, "My lord has instructed me you are not allowed around him…" she trailed off her voice growing faint and weak.

So she isn't Barasil's? Where am I?

"Is this a prank?" I asked cracking a smile.

She shook her head. "When you have finished breakfast and are dressed we can discuss the rules you will live by in my care."

She set the tray on the bed and the clothing next to it bowed and exited the room.

I ate the breakfast with a smile on my face despite the annoyance at the prank. Barasil always was a jokester. I dressed in the clothing she had set out and only then realized I was in only my tank top and underwear. Did I strip before bed? I shrugged putting on the tunic and pants.

I met the Elleth in the main room, she gestured to a chair and I sat while she stood in front of me. "Thank you for breakfast Ellior, I would like to see your lord now."

She fiddled with her fingers clearly nervous, "Lord Celeborn?"

I matched her confusion, "What? Does he want to see me?"

Her brows furrowed. "You want to see him?"

"Barasil… I'm going to see him, is he here or is he out?"

She frowned, "You are not allowed to see him."

I stood and made for the door, "See you later Ellior,"

She blocked my path placing a gentle hand against my chest, "Sit. I will go over the rules."

I tried to hide my amused grin as I entertained her and went back to my seat and sat down clasping my hands in my lap.

"You are not allowed around Barasil. You will not be allowed anywhere unsupervised or alone."

I rolled my eyes, "Celeborn said this?"

She nodded.

"Take me to him." I was annoyed and calling her bluff.

"Right, this way Milady,"

oOo

The journey to Celeborn was quick he stood on a balcony overlooking the colony almost as if he was expecting me. Ellior bowed deeply and dismissed herself after we arrived. I felt my gall evaporating as he turned and smiled at me.

"Lady Calliope, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Have I upset you?" I asked blankly.

He stared at me impassively. "Have you done something upsetting?"

Why does this feel like an interrogation? "In the Golden Wood, I could come and go as I pleased, I just don't understand…"

He nodded slowly as if I were a dumb child, "Yes, I apologize for the rules." He did not elaborate further.

I nodded back, "Yes, well… Thank you for your hospitality I do not expect to stay here long."

He sighed deeply as if expecting this reply. "Evil still roams these lands; you would leave the safety of Aldamir for what?"

I held his gaze in defiance, "What do I have any control in? I can't even live my life without fear I'll jump through time. Now I find out I cannot even see my best friend the one I came here to see," I lowered my voice, "No offense." I added.

"Why can't I see him? And where is he? He was giving me a tour yesterday, and then I'm in an elleth's house and there's all these rules."

He nodded sympathetically, "You have no memory of it."

I blankly stared at him, "Of what?"

"It is not my place, I was not a witness. Barasil was sent to Imladris for trading."

I balked at him, "Since when? I saw him just yesterday."

He nodded, "He left before the dawn."

As soon as I began walking down the stairs Ellior joined me.

She was annoyingly close. I tried to ignore her taking to wandering the colony. My memory flashed to the moment Barasil tried to stop me from going with Gandalf and what was it he said? Do not ruin what you have within the Golden Wood as you did in Mirkwood. What did he do?

I shuddered at the thought. "Why can't I see Barasil?" I turned to Ellior speaking plainly.

She tilted her head to the side, "You did not ask Lord Celeborn?"

"I'm asking you." I replied.

Her eyes narrowed, "Barasil is- He is restricted."

I stared up at the canopy, "Is Legolas still here?" I asked.

She shook her head, "He left this morning."

I felt numb. How could he leave without saying goodbye? Why would he say goodbye when every time he speaks I bite his head off? Of course, he didn't say goodbye. They both left. Why?

"Wait, Celeborn said he didn't witness something with Barasil. Were you there?"

She stiffened, "No. You were brought to me late in the night."

"Which way did Legolas go?" I asked knowing full well I had no ability to rough it on my own but the need to see him outweighed any common sense.

"North." She worried her bottom lip.

"Can you point? I have no idea where that is."

She pointed over her shoulder, her mouth opened and shut several times as if she wanted to say something further and stopped herself.

"Thanks, and thanks for breakfast and the clothes." I waved at her marching in the direction she pointed.