Fairy 6.8: Wavering Faith
Genesis
June 26, 2020
A house looms large on the horizon. You assume it's a house, anyway. Could just as easily be a very strange castle. From a distance it looks like it's made of baked mud like something from an ancient desert kingdom. Brown walls rise up around it. The effect is undercut by the mudsdale walking around that are clearly taller than the wall is. What's the point of a short wall? Maybe it was to keep the mudsdale in or out? They can't really jump. Or it's for something else that's small and can't climb. Maybe they just liked the look. Oh! Or maybe the walls used to be high but have crumbled down over time. The building could be centuries old or built yesterday by a weird architect. Hard to tell from this far away.
{Almost there,} you think towards Cuicatl. Since she can't see the building.
{Good.}
It worked! Still not entirely sure how to send or not send messages to her but you think you're getting better.
She's walking ahead of you but behind Lyra. Coco is doing a good job of staying by her side, growling or squeaking or hissing to her trainer when she needs to stop or move.
Your girlfriend probably has the only guide tyrunt in the world. She's also probably the only person who could make it work. You've looked up a little bit about the species since they're important to Cuicatl. What you found didn't seem to match reality. Lots of videos of tyrunt tearing apart rooms or attacking the cameraman. Your girlfriend told you that the dinos were just upset and confused by everything feeling wrong and no one explaining things to them. Or maybe their mother grew up like that and passed on her own frustrations.
Coco didn't meet her birth mother until recently, but Cuicatl could talk to her and knew enough about dragons to fill the role. She says it casually, like anyone could've done it, like it's the bare minimum that should've been done for the other tyrunt. Sometimes she even suggests that it wasn't good enough.
You think that she went way farther than the average human, even one with her gifts, would go for a baby pokémon. Farther than some humans go for their own children. She really would be a great mother someday.
Shame that won't happen since she's gay.
The front door is welcoming. Dark brown wood and a soft doormat. The doorbell sounds like wind chimes. Lyra steps back after ringing it. And waits. And waits. You glance towards her and she answers your silent question with a shrug. The stop supervisor should be expecting you today. You're a little earlier than expected since the wild pokémon weren't too bad, just a pinsir, and the weather was nice. Behind you her mudsdale paws (hooves?) the ground nervously. Probably picking up on your confusion. Lyra turns around to calm her down.
When the door opens it's not a human on the other side. It's humanlike - bipedal, a face with two eyes, a nose, and a mouth - but the details are all wrong. The skin is grey. The muscles bulge too much. The eyes are slitted like a lizard's and the nose is short. On top of the head are three bony crests instead of hair. And it's only wearing a belt. Your father kept machoke around as security for a few months before mother objected. You always found them unsettling.
The machoke beckons you. Then it holds its arms out wide to block you the moment you're inside. Cuicatl walks right into them and Coco growls. The machoke ignores the dinosaur and points downward towards some shoes lined against the wall. Right. Wouldn't want to track dirt in. You help Cuicatl get back to her feet and put her shoes in the right place once they're off.
It's pretty homey. Lots of earth tones, soft furniture, candles that smell like pine trees and incense. And at the end of the hall is an old woman sitting on a sofa with a rockruff curled up beside her. A sudowoodo sits in a pot behind her, doing its best to pretend to be a normal tree. You help it by immediately looking away. Nothing to see there. Just a perfectly ordinary tree.
"Hello and welcome," the old woman says. She has greying hair and tanned skin with lots of laugh lines. You like her almost instantly. "You're the three I'm expecting?"
"Yes." Lyra extends her hand. "Lyra Miura. Pleased to meet you."
"Pleasure's all mine. You can call me Ms. Lepo if you'd like." She slowly, slowly gets to her feet. The rockruff yawns and stretches into the warm seat she left behind. "And you must be Miss Ichtaca and Miss Gage, yes?" You freeze up a little bit (a lot bit) at your last name. Ms. Lepo must notice. "Or is there something else you would like me to call you?"
"Just Genesis."
She talks more to Cuicatl and Lyra for a bit. Something about her granddaughter being out and the division of chores. You aren't paying the most attention. Of course your name will keep coming up. It's your name. But there isn't really anything to change it to. And you like your brother. He has that name. It's not… it's not all bad. You shouldn't be thrown off by something so small.
As she shows you to your rooms you see an ornate quartz antler in a window. It's purple and sparkles wonderfully in the sun. Excellent craftsmanship. Millions of perfectly safe people have one. It's normal. Fits the aesthetic.
Your hand still clamps down on Cuicatl's when you see it.
You draw dishwashing duty. It's fine. Okay, no, it's super gross. You only eat tamato sauce because your parents wouldn't budge at all on that and made all your meals pasta for a month until you relented. But spaghetti is slimy and you don't like tamatos for reasons you can't put into words and you hate Italian food. And, naturally, you have to clean that sauce off of everything. Lyra already had to change the water and it's starting to look bloodstained again.
Cuicatl's taking her off time upstairs after taking point with Ms. Lepo. Lyra got you settled in, made sure that Oliver and Cloudy were out, and helped you out of your panic attack. You wanted it to be Cuicatl helping you. You know why it wasn't. She can cook and clean and sew and likes talking about those things. She's catnip for old ladies. You giggled hysterically and Lyra looked at you like you had finally gone and completely broken. Truth is, you'd just realized that Cuicatl is everything Ms. Rivers wanted you to be and she's still gay. None of that was ever going to work.
You shake your head and focus back on the present. Dishwashing is still new to you. So are pretty much all chores. You find your eyes constantly darting over to Lyra to watch how she does it. Little things she probably finds too obvious to explain – the pressure on the cloth, the number of times she passes over each spot – are completely foreign to you.
"You can go if you want," Lyra says. "I don't mind this. And if you need to eat more, we could probably dig into our supplies. Just make sure to tell me so I can order a resupply while we're here."
"What?"
"Spaghetti night. I saw you just moving it around with your fork all night. Took, what, three bites?" Yes. You read once that you should always take at least three bites of everything. Then making a mess of it with your fork can give the illusion you ate more. Does that not work in general? Or just not with her.
It's still really weird to think about, but this girl you've known for a month might know you better than anyone but Levi. Maybe even better than him.
"I will. Thank you."
She picks up a fork and absently washes it. "No problem."
"How are there this many dishes, anyway?" you ask.
"Cuicatl problem. Girl gets a real kitchen and someone to work with and goes overboard. Besides, still not that many. Some stops have a lot more."
That fits. You're glad she was happy about it. She's at her best when she's excited about something most people avoid.
"What?" Lyra asks.
"Hmm?"
She grabs a bowl and rolls her eyes. "You were smiling."
"Oh. Just. Cuicatl."
You look at her. Expect her to glare or frown or get mad that you're thinking about your actual girlfriend instead of her. Maybe she presses into the bowl harder than she has to. Or maybe you're imagining it. Nothing reaches her face.
"Yeah. She's weird. In a good way. Similar to you, actually."
You reach for a knife. Doesn't seem to have any sauce on it. You're not actually sure what she used a knife for in the first place. Hopefully she didn't use it. Her hands are covered in tiny little nicks and burns from kitchen mishaps. She doesn't need more.
"Come around on her?" you ask.
She shakes her head. A strand of hair comes loose from her ear and she reaches up, only to stop at the last second and lower her dirty hand back into the sink. "I don't think I ever really hated her. I was just upset and needed someone to blame."
Really? Because it looked like she hated Cuicatl. You aren't going to push it, though, when she's finally come (back?) around.
"Why did you even travel together? If you hate psychics so much."
(You hate that you understand why she hates them. If the only thing you knew about Cuicatl was her powers you're not sure you would want to be friends.)
"Didn't know at first. When I found out, I panicked. Then checked my notes and saw that she hadn't changed anything. And even if I was scared, she was useful."
"Useful?" For cooking? Something else?
Lyra slowly lowers the pan she's working on into the sink before turning to you.
"I wasn't just sitting around while you were locked up, you know? I was trying to find a way to help you out. The media wouldn't work. I don't have nearly enough clout to fight your dad's PR machine. Even Interpol is bowing out rather than getting into a war in the court of public opinion with him." You heard something about that. It came on the radio while you were in the Pokémon Center lobby back in Hau'oli. You left the room as soon as you realized what they were talking about. "Turning to Skull was likely to backfire. Even if they got you out, you'd just be their hostage. The government wasn't about to do anything. And that left Cuicatl."
She sounds… tired. No, resigned. Like she's not proud of relying on a friend. Even if you're not sure how Cuicatl would do anything about your situation. She could only step in at the end, and even then she might have failed without Officer Takeda.
"What would she have done?"
"Now? Nothing. It was a long game. I thought we had time. That you were just being locked in your mansion again. Eventually Cuicatl would have a tyrantrum. I could push her to evolve Noci again and try her luck with getting you out."
Oh. Now you know why Lyra was ashamed. Because she should be.
"Let me make sure I understand." Because you really hope you don't. "You wanted Cuicatl to intentionally get close to a metagross and, if she survived that, use her pokémon to commit a very public crime to help me. If she lived her future would have been ruined."
Lyra turns back to the increasingly small pile of dishes needing to be washed. "It wasn't ideal. But it was a choice between you or her and I cared more about you."
"I don't think I would have made that choice. There had to have been another way."
There wasn't. You know this. In the end Lyra couldn't make your choice because you made yours and almost lost everything. The best she could do for you still wasn't enough. And you wouldn't hold that against her if her plan didn't involve ruining someone else's life.
"I know you can't make that choice," Lyra says. "That's what I've always liked about you."
You have a feeling that you've fought about this before.
June 27, 2020
Cuicatl and Lyra are fishing at the beach. You wanted to go. Just. It's nice to have some time to yourself every once in a while. You haven't had much of that at all since… well, since the months where you had far too much. And you're dead tired. You glance at the copy of The Cawdet's Eye on your nightstand and scowl. It was good. Really good. You didn't realize how much you missed the characters until you were reading about them having all new adventures. When you finished the final page and set the book down you realized that your back and neck hurt and you really had to pee. Turns out you'd stayed up until 3:40 in the morning.
Cuicatl would have stopped you at some point. Or Coco. Or even Noci or Pixie. But they weren't with you. There were enough guest rooms for you to each have one and after seeing the antler you didn't want to ask to share. It was your first night in a long time having the bed to yourself. If you weren't bone tired it would've been hard to fall asleep.
You aren't sure if you want another nap or not. It might throw off your sleep schedule even more. You could always go downstairs. And. Talk to Ms. Lepo? Are you sure you want to do that? She seems nice. Safe. And you can't keep running from Xerneas forever.
Cloudy follows behind as you walk out of the room. Oliver, Bubbles, and Ferny are out by a pool downstairs. The castform tends to stay by your side. You genuinely have no idea why he thinks you're so interesting, but you aren't complaining.
You find Ms. Lepo downstairs in the living room. She sets down her newspaper when she hears you approach. "Ah, Genesis. Not with your friends?"
"I wanted some alone time." You glance towards the antler before making yourself take a deep breath and sit down in a worn leather seat across from her.
"Yet you're here on your alone time."
"Got bored."
"I see." She smiles and gestures at the coffee table in the center of the room. "I have puzzles. Or there are other games in the next room if you would like to play something."
It's tempting. A good way out. No. If you stall you might keep stalling forever.
"I." Deep breath. You can do it. "You're in the Church of Life, right?"
"Yes." Her smile fades into a look of concern. "I assure you, though, that I mean you no harm."
"What?" Why would she want to harm you? It's not like you've told her you're gay or anything.
She just lifts up her paper in reply. "I read the news."
Right. Anyone who reads or listens to anything probably knows who you are.
"Those who harm others in Xerneas's name, I don't think He will recognize them in the end."
You look down. Forget eye contact, just looking at someone else is hard right now. "They thought they were helping me. Saving me. That otherwise…"
"A lot of terrible things have been done in the name of salvation. Even on this very island."
Her voice is gentle. You chance a look back at her.
"People are judgmental. Insecure. They need to look down on others to make themselves feel taller. And they don't like to imagine that they're wrong. Sometimes they put it all together and decide that The Divine One supports hates the people they hate, too. I'm sorry you had to deal with them."
"Then… then why worship Him if His followers are terrible? If He won't stop them. Was… was what happened to me part of some plan? Because I don't like that plan."
Ms. Lepo takes a deep breath. You look back down, ashamed of what you said. Of course He's good. Just. Where was He when you needed him? Why did a pagan who believes in human sacrifice have to save you from His own followers?
"Imagine your children start killing each other." You look back up in confusion. Now she looks solemn, you think, or maybe sad. That's not where you were expecting her to go. "You stop them, at first, but they keep doing it. Over and over. The moment they have free will. Do you lock them up forever? Try to adjudicate every dispute in real time? How long do you fight before you grow bitter. How long before you throw up your hands and accept that the people who are most precious to you are going to do terrible things to each other and there's nothing you can do to stop it. Nothing that would still leave them free."
That's bleak. Like. Is she saying that she thinks Xerneas just left us all to rot? That the creator of all life deemed us failures. What's even the point, then? What's the point of anything?
"So… why bother worshipping Him, then, if He won't help?"
"He'll help," she says. "Just not directly. He's like a grandparent you can go to for a while. He'll give you comfort and advice. Heal mental and spiritual wounds. But He won't leave to fight your battles for you."
That. Makes some sense. He was never going to save you. But maybe He can help now? Or you could just go to therapy. Cuicatl's offered to pay. You just don't want to talk about what happned. Ever. There's a story somewhere in the book you're named after about a destroyed city. The survivors were told not to look back at their old home or they'd turn into salt. One did. She knew it would happen and did it anyway. You're not making that mistake. You're not looking back.
Joining a congregation, though… no. You don't think you can do it. Even for one service.
"Genesis." You startle and whip your head back up. Ms. Lepo somehow crossed the room without you noticing. "You don't have to work through everything right now. If you would like to play a game or solve a puzzle we can do that."
"What kind of puzzle?" you ask. It's a coward's way out but you never claimed to be the bravest.
"Oh, I have all kinds. Come. I'll show you."
June 28, 2020
It took a while to wash the saltwater off of your everything. The dragalge really did a number on you. Really, you're just glad it stopped at a big wave. You could only follow half of Cuicatl's conversation but it sounded like things got tense. And then Cuicatl just let it go without claiming any skrelp. You're proud of her. Even if she plans on working with VStar again in the canyon. You get why she wants to make more money. Her sister is missing and. You understand. If you thought any amount of money could free Levi you would do anything to get it. At least your parents probably aren't treating him too badly. He's still their heir. And you're pretty sure he's either straight or too young to think about such things.
You wrap your hair up in a towel and walk over to the balcony. Cuicatl glances back at you when you open the door.
"Shower's ready."
"Thank you."
She holds our her hand and Coco moves into position. You let her walk past on her way to the shower. She hasn't changed out of her swimsuit yet and, well, you have to thank Lyra for picking that one. It covers pretty much everything. Just a bit tight in some very nice parts. Lovely seeing her walk away. And her legs are pretty toned from all the walking she does. Great lower half. And her hair's darker and maybe better when it's wet.
You don't know how it took so long to figure out you were gay. Just. Girls. Shame you lost your memories of most of them. Can't know if you secretly knew or struggled with it or what.
No. You didn't know. You remember that you didn't even know why you were being called a lesbian until you were home again. Unless that memory was fake? Maybe you did know. Maybe you even reciprocated Lyra's crush and that's why all of your memories of her had to go.
Officer Takeda told you that you're probably not getting any memories back. Maybe a fundamental memory or two will survive in fragments under the surface. Maybe you can even experience it in dreams. But you won't be able to remember it well when you wake. Something about corrupted files. Or. Something? You're not very good with tech and weren't in a great place when they tried explaining it. Cuicatl doesn't really know much about any of it. And, well, you remember her mind. Beautiful, horrifying chaos tearing into anything that opposed it. There wasn't really an art to it or a form or any kind of training. Just raw force of will. You aren't sure if she knew what she was doing or just trying something that seemed like it might work.
You don't know if she broke anything with her whirling chainsaw of a mind. Wouldn't matter if she did. She was trying to help. She did help. Without her the process would have finished and then. You don't know. You don't want to know. Maybe you would be straight and happy and not remember any of this. Maybe you would've been brain damaged your entire life rather than for a month.
Either way, you wouldn't have been you.
Although if you aren't you if you just because you don't have your memories, well, what does that say about who you are now?
Over the balcony one of the machoke is walking a bag of something from one end of the building to the other. Corners are clearly visible inside the bag. Bricks, maybe? The size and angles looks right. But there don't seem to be many brick structures around. Oh! What if the machoke just like carrying weights like that. There can't be that much work for them to do every day. Surely they have to find some way to work out. They probably spar with each other. Might be fun to go see later. If they let humans watch. It's fine if not. You've never been too interested in fighting-types. Cuicatl wouldn't want to watch something so visual. Maybe Lyra? Would it be weird to ask to watch it alone?
Something raps against the door behind you. Coco has her snout pressed against it, pointing up towards the door handle. Cuicatl brushes her hand along the tyrunt's head until she finds it and pulls the door open.
"Thank you, Coco."
The dinosaur grunts in satisfaction.
She's wearing basketball shorts and the orange hydreigon shirt you apparently bought. It's very casual for her. Makes her feel accessible. Understandable. Usually she's proudly different from the people around her with her height or blindness or colorful clothing or weird interests. Now she's just a girl wearing a shirt you got her. It's… you love how she usually is, obviously. It's very her and you adore it. This is nice in a different way.
"Touch?" you ask.
She takes a step closer and you put a hand on her shoulder. At first you were confused why she shied away when you reached out for her. If she didn't like you. She opened up when you asked. She can't see people approaching so sudden touch is weird. And she didn't get a lot growing up. Isn't used to it.
Well, no. She said that she didn't get a lot of "loving touch" from humans. You've seen the little scars scattered across her skin. Seen the cracked teeth. Even felt some with your tongue. Not all of that can be from cooking accidents. You don't think her home was safe. Probably not even in the way yours wasn't safe, where it felt fine until everything suddenly escalated. She misses her hydreigon. She misses her brother (when he talks about him at all). She doesn't seem to love America.
But she doesn't seem to miss her father. Or her home.
Can they deport her if she just never gets a passport? You don't want her to leave you at all, don't even like thinking about it, but you really don't like the idea of her going back there.
She steps in closer until her shoulder is pressed firmly against your ribcage and her head is tucked against your neck. Setting all that aside, it makes you so happy that she's gone from flinching away from your touch to leaning in and asking for more. you wrap one arm around her and hold the other out towards her hand. She takes it and laces her fingers with yours. Her okémon are stronger than yours. She has the elemental powers and the tenacity to fight for the people she loves, no matter the cost. And she's the one taking care of you in more mundane ways like cooking and cleaning and distracting old ladies. You know that she'll never feel the same sense of protection from you that you feel from her, even if you could rest your head on top of hers. Even if you could physically lift her up. Which you probably couldn't. You're not very strong. But the idea does things to you and now you suddenly maybe want to try doing some pushups every day. Point is, you hope that she can at least feel enveloped in your warmth, that she can know that she finally has someone looking out for her. Someone safe.
The sun peaks out from behind the "loud' and you suddenly wonder if you're enveloping her in a little too much warmth.
She waits a moment before taking a half step away. Alolan summers maybe aren't the best for PDA come to think of it.
"Thank you for coming to the beach with me."
She looks away. "Sorry I ruined it?"
"What?"
"The dragalge."
"Oh." Is she really blaming herself for that? You squeeze her shoulder in reassurance. "Wasn't your fault. And if you want to make it up, we can just go to the beach next time we get the chance."
She shivers despite the heat. "If it's not crowded. I can wear… that in front of you." She spits out the word like she was covered in rotting garbage rather than wearing a very cute swimsuit. "Not strangers. Sorry."
"Then I'll find some place secluded."
You'll let it go. For now. She'll probably come around. And if she doesn't, you'll just need to get creative with the time and place you pick.
"Wanna go downstairs? I'm sure we can find some place in the shade for this."
"Okay." She moves a hand to your elbow. "Lead the way."
It's still unreasonably hot in the shade. Really should've done this first thing in the morning and then gone to the beach. You know you were seeing Lyra off but she could have left on her own without causing problems. At least there's something you can do about it.
"Cloudy, can you create some mist?"
The castform's form ripples like pavement in the sun. Sparks fly inside of his cloud. Pretty close to just becoming a ball of hot air and flame like he does when amplifying sunlight. He nods and suddenly the sparks die down. The air grows more humid before cool droplets form in the air and on your skin. Bubbles and Oliver relax while Ferny flicks his leaf in annoyance. He's sitting just outside the shade to soak up more sun.
Coco shakes some of the droplets off before settling back down. Pixie and Leo are nowhere to be seen. Kind of odd to see Cuicatl with just one of her pokémon around. Especially when all of yours are out.
"Alright. Um. I wanted to talk to all of you about the future. We haven't had a full meeting in… a while. Sorry." And you are sorry. You haven't been giving them your best. Everything was just. Too much. Still is, but you can't put this off forever. "I just wanted to hear how you're holding up, if you need anything, uh, even if you want to go. That's fine."
You're not sure how you'd feel about it but you can't exactly hate being locked in your room for months and then do that to someone else.
"Anyone want to go first?"
Ferny yawns and mewls something out once Cuicatl's done with her translation.
"I see. And would you want to leave if so?" Cuicatl asks. That's not a good sign.
They go back and forth for a little while longer before your girlfriend turns back to you. "He's not thrilled about having to fight again."
"I'm not either," you tell him. "I just kind of have to in order to stay in Pokémon Centers. Big buildings, places like where we are now. Otherwise we'd probably just be camping every day."
Ferny flicks his leaf and purrs.
"He would be happy with that."
Right. Grass-type. Loves the outdoors.
"You don't have to do the island challenge if you don't want to," Cuicatl says. "I thought you were doing it because you missed it."
"Then I can't stay in Pokémon Centers with you."
She shrugs. "Almost done with mine. Won't be in the Centers much longer."
One problem solved. You'll still need to figure out how to get money. She's prickly about that and you don't want your relationship to fall apart over it. "Okay. Guess we don't need to fight then."
Ferny hisses and mewls something out as he curls back up into a sitting position.
"Give him soil and sunlight and he'll be fine."
Bubbles (loudly) bellows what sounds like a complaint.
"He wants a bigger pool."
"I'm sorry. We're in a dry area. I'll take you back to a pond to swim when we get a chance."
Cuicatl translate and then adds, "There will be a river at the bottom of the canyon."
He croaks again.
"Just get him a big pond soon. Uh. I think he might want to be released or rehomed if you aren't going to have frequent pond access. I don't know the rules on releasing politoed."
"I'll look into it."
He's been very good for the last few months. Almost a year now. You hope you can find a great pond for him, even if you can't be there.
Oliver is silent and looking down at the ground. Cloudy continues to bob in place.
"You have anything Cloudy?"
The wind whistles. The closest he comes to speech.
"No. He's fine."
"Anything you want at all?"
Another whistle.
"No." Cuicatl pauses and then continues telepathically. {I don't think there's a lot going on in his head.}
That's rather blunt. What is in his head, anyway? His whole body is water vapor. Does he even have a brain? He's clearly smart enough to think and battle and even pick up on some basic human behaviors like hand shaking.
{He's smart enough,} Cuicatl responds to your thoughts(?). {Just has no ambition. Happily goes along with whatever's happening.}
Strange. You'll have to look into it more later.
You look back at Oliver. He's still brooding.
"What's the matter, Ollie."
He hisses. Cuicatl sucks in air past her teeth. It sounds gross.
"Did Lyra ever tell you about the imorin?"
It takes Lyra a surprisingly long time to appear on the horizon. You've calmed down a little. Not much. Anger simmers in your stomach again when you see her. When she gets close enough to see you she gives a friendly wave. When she gets close enough to see your face she realizes that she's in deep trouble.
"What's wrong?" she asks. As if she doesn't know.
"Were you ever going to tell me about your salandit? Salazzle? Whichever it is."
"Salazzle, I think."
You shrug. Your arms stay folded and your glare stays trained on her forehead. That wasn't the main question. Lyra casts a look towards Noci. The metang doesn't react at all.
"Cuicatl tell you?"
"Oliver did."
"Okay. I was going to tell you in an hour or two. Promise."
You don't have any reason to believe her. Well. One. Cuicatl was adamant that she would have forced her hand after dinner. But left to her own devices you probably never would have found out.
"Was that your plan with Cuicatl?" you ask. "Brainwash her with that stuff, make her break the law."
She shakes her head. "I didn't even know she was gay."
"You had me pegged but not her?"
For a moment it looks like she's barely suppressing a laugh. Then she rolls her shoulders, straightens her back, and returns to looking as serious as the situation requires. "Can't track her wandering eye. I don't think she knew she was gay until you launched her out of the closet."
That gives you pause. "She's not just pretending to be gay for me, right?" You were pushing her pretty hard. Too hard. You regret it. Will probably apologize eventually.
"No. Imorin works on her, too. She's just good at figuring it out and ignoring it."
Left unspoken: and you're not.
"You made me cheat on her, you know?"
She blinks. Twice. Three times. "Come again?"
"I had impure thoughts about you."
"And has Cuicatl told you that's not allowed? Because I don't think that's cheating. Not an expert, but it's not like people can control who they're attracted to."
"She hasn't said anything."
And you aren't entirely sure if she would care, but it's the principle of the thing!
"Would you freak out if she thought someone else was hot and then never acted on it?"
It wouldn't feel great. But you suppose it's kind of sweet, being tempted and still choosing you.
"That's not the point. I want to know why you thought this was okay in the first place."
"I was going to tell you and Cuicatl after dinner. I guess I can move that up?"
She says it like she has an explanation. One good enough to somehow justify all of this. Manipulating your sexuality just like your parents. Without telling you. While acting like she could be trusted. Like you should love her. Was she planning to just steal you away like an object?
If she wants to explain, you'll let her. But it had better be a damn good explanation.