Apologies for the lateness of this chapter, but I'm struggling a little with writer's block at the minute (though I actually got some writing done over the last few days which is good). I have a few chapters written ahead of what I have posted but I am catching up with myself and the pressure of that doesn't help with the writers block. This being said I may leave it a little longer between updates so that I can keep enough ahead so as not to put too much pressure on myself. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I promise to finish the story. I won't leave you guys hanging!

I have also just realised that it is exactly one year today since I posted my first ever one shot fan fiction that ended up being my first ever story, Finding Her. So happy 1st Fan Fiction Anniversary to me lol I was so nervous posting that first chapter and I truly thought no-one would ever actually read it. I would never have thought that a year on I'd have written three (two and a half at the minute, I suppose) stories and two one shots, but here we are! I wouldn't have done most of that if it wasn't for all of your lovely, kind and encouraging reviews, so thank you all.

As always, thanks to my beta, CoppertopJ, who is currently working her way though all the chapters I've written, along with a long rambling email of my crazy thoughts, in order to help me with my writers block and where exactly I am going with this story.

Now, back to Bella and Edward.

We sat all night, Edward talking and me listening, though one part of my mind was always on the fact that I had hurt him. I smiled, laughed at his stories, and asked the appropriate questions, but deep down I was always thinking about those cracks on his chest. That image just wouldn't leave my head and I knew that as a vampire with an impeccable memory, it never truly would. If Edward realised I was preoccupied, he didn't mention it.

Another small part of me surveyed the damage I had done when I jumped across the room. It wasn't much, thankfully. A broken lamp, a cracked side table, and some of the plaster had crumbled where I'd hit the wall. All easily fixed or replaced, especially with a family as wealthy as the Cullens, but it bothered me a lot that I had ruined our beautiful cottage, our first home together.

When dawn broke, we stood and Edward led us into the small bedroom, gathering clothes for the both of us from the closet. I let him help me dress again, as he had done the previous day, knowing that I would only destroy the clothes, just as I had destroyed everything else. I couldn't understand how he could bear to touch me, to be so close to me after what I had done.

After Edward had dressed me, like the newborn I was, he pulled on his own clothes and turned to me, "Ready for your lessons today?" he teased. I simply nodded, unable to return his light mood. He frowned slightly but said nothing as we headed out the door and through the forest towards the main house.

The sight that greeted us in the garden of the main house, however, couldn't help but make me smile. Emmett stood just outside the back door. He wore pale beige chinos, a white button-down shirt, and a navy patterned tie. His dark, usually curly hair had been slicked back with an absurd amount of hair gel making it look wet. He was wearing a pair of black, thick-rimmed glasses, despite his perfect vampire eyesight, and he held a tan satchel fastened with buckles in his hand. He looked like a stock photo of a substitute teacher.

"Good morning, class," Emmett said, as we crossed the garden at a human pace, "My name is Mr. Cullen-McCarty and I will be your teacher for this morning."

Edward rolled his eyes, though I saw a smile cross his face as he looked towards me spying my own smile at Emmett's silliness.

"You," Emmett said to Edward, "are staying here. We are heading into the forest. Baby sis needs to concentrate!" With that, he grabbed my arm and led me back into the forest. We ran for a while, not talking, and I enjoyed the rush of the speed and tried to let the wind blow away any thoughts of last night.

After a few minutes, Emmett began to slow before stopping in a small clearing. I estimated that we were a good few miles away from the main house. Far enough that Edward wouldn't be able to spy on us through Emmett's thoughts.

"Ready?" Emmett asked, whirling around to look at me. He looked odd dressed as he was in the middle of the forest. He even still had his satchel with him, though I was pretty sure it was empty, just a part of his 'costume'.

I nodded, taking a deep breath. Unfortunately, the run hadn't really helped as I had hoped, and my mind was still on the events of the previous night.

"Okay, we're going to start by seeing what you can actually do," Emmett explained, "Then we will work on how you can hold back some of your strength so you don't break things. Go all out on those trees. Rip them out of the ground, break them in half, crush them in your hands, whatever. Just see what you can do with your strength."

I looked at Emmett, then at the trees he had gestured towards. I understood what he was trying to do. It would be hard for me to temper my strength if I didn't truly understand what my strength was actually capable of, but I couldn't bring myself to move. All I could see in front of my eyes was Edward's chest cracked as I sat above him; my hands gripping him too hard; his face contorted in pain. Pain that I caused. It was all too much. I fell to the ground, a strangled noise escaping my lips as sobs shuttered through my whole body.

Instantly, Emmett was kneeling in front of me, not touching me but close enough that I could sense him.

"Shit, Bella. I'm sorry," he said, his voice full of worry, "What did I say? What did I do? I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's not you," I managed to say between sobs, but that was as much as I could say. Emmett engulfed me in one of his patented bear hugs, his brotherly love for me evident in the way he held me. He didn't say anything else, didn't ask any questions. He just held me as I sobbed, waiting for me to be ready to talk.

"I'm sorry," I whispered when the sobs had finally quietened down.

"You don't need to apologise," he said, his arms still wrapped around me, "As a newborn, your emotions are always just under the surface. It takes hardly anything to set you off. It was the worst part of being a newborn for me. I was never an emotional person. Always easy-going, like I am now, but as a newborn, my temper would get the best of me every time. Also, and I'm not proud of this, my jealousy when Rose would even look at Edward. Logically, I knew there was nothing between them. But my newborn instincts would see another unattached male with my mate and I would just lose it."

Relief flooded me that it wasn't just me. That it really was just part of being a newborn vampire. Emmett wasn't like that now. He was so easy-going, so laid back he was almost horizontal, meaning that it really wouldn't last forever. I knew that Edward had told me this, that they had all struggled as newborns, but he would do and say anything to make me feel better. Hearing it from someone else helped a lot, but it still didn't take away the fact that I had hurt my mate, and I didn't know how to stop it from happening again.

"Wanna tell me what's wrong?" Emmett asked, pulling back to look at me before sitting cross-legged in front of me, "I know I don't seem like it all the time, but I can be a good listener, if I try really hard."

I smiled at his silly grin and took a deep breath, "Last night, when we were...em...," I stuttered. Emmett smirked at me but said nothing, which was quite a feat for him. He nodded at me to show he knew what I meant and to continue.

"Well, I kinda got lost in the feeling. I didn't know what I was doing, wasn't able to control myself, and I hurt him," my voice trailed away.

"Hurt him how?" Emmett asked, nothing but concern and brotherly love in his eyes. There was no judgement. Just worry for me.

"I cracked his chest," I whispered, "I gripped him too tightly and I didn't even realise until I saw the pain on his face. I could have ripped him apart and I wouldn't even have noticed." The sobbing started again, and I was unable to hold back. The venom burned behind my eyes and I ached for the semblance of relief that shedding tears would have brought me. Emmett just sat patiently, holding my hand, but never once telling me to calm down or that everything would be okay. He just let me get it all out.

A few moments later, when my sobs had quietened once again, he spoke, "I'm sure Edward has told you about all the times I have hurt him and how I almost tore Jasper's arm off?" I nodded. It hadn't made me feel that much better, it was different. Brothers play fighting and rough-housing - there was always a chance that someone might get hurt. What Edward and I had been doing was supposed to be about love and affection.

"Well, let me tell you something even Edward doesn't know," Emmett continued. I looked up at him curiously. There wasn't much the family could keep from Edward with his mind-reading. "I made sure never to think about it in his presence. I was too ashamed. When I was a newborn, I was even stronger than I am now, even stronger than you are as a newborn. Something similar happened the first time Rose and I...you know..." I gasped as I stared at him in shock. Not in judgement, but just shocked that I wasn't alone in this.

"She wasn't hurt much," he went on, "I grabbed her leg a little too hard, cracked her skin a little, but Rose being Rose didn't endure it quietly, so I knew instantly what happened. I felt awful. I know it's antiquated now, but I was brought up to believe that a man was to be his woman's protector, to keep her safe at all costs. It killed me that I had hurt her in any way. Especially with Rose's history. It took a while before she trusted me enough to take that step and I had let her down. It took me a long time to get over that, but Rose never once held it against me. And you know Eddie won't either, right?"

"I know," I mumbled, "But, I can't just let it go like him."

"I understand and I'm not going to tell you that you'll get over it or you'll forget about it, because you won't. Not fully. But you can't change what happened. No amount of crying or fretting will change it." He tilted my chin up so I was looking him in the eye, "But you can learn how to control your strength so it doesn't happen again. That's why we're here."

I flung my arms around him, hugging him gently to make sure I didn't hurt him. I'd never really missed having siblings. Being an only child had never bothered me, but now that I could see how amazing having a big brother actually was, I felt like I had missed out on something growing up.

"Thank you," I whispered, standing up and taking a deep breath, "And you're right. Let's get started!"

"Hell yeah!" Emmett boomed, "Now, before you can truly know how to temper your strength, you need to know what you can do. Tear down some trees, baby! Let's see what you can do!"

I took another deep breath and stalked towards the nearest tree. I looked up at it. It was so tall I couldn't see where it ended. The trunk was so thick that there was no way I'd even be able to get my arms wrapped around it, but I knew that I had already pulled trees out of the ground in my hunt-induced rage.

I put my hands on either side of the trunk, attempting to grip it gently between my hands, but I still felt my fingers dig into the wood. I pulled hard on the trunk, intent on ripping it out of the ground, but I had clearly underestimated my strength. The tree easily came away from the ground, roots and all, and I fell backwards landing on my butt in the dirt.

I looked up at Emmett, expecting him to laugh and trying to keep my anger under control, but I could see the red haze starting to edge in. To my surprise, there wasn't a hint of humour on his face. He actually looked proud.

"Well done, Bella," he exclaimed, the red haze fading from my vision, "See how easy it was for you to pull that tree out of the ground. Imagine doing that as a human. And that's only part of what you're capable of. Destroy it. Feel the strength in your arms, your legs, even your fingers. Let it flow and try to gauge how much you can do."

So, I did. I crushed the trunk of that tree between my hands, punched it, and kicked it until it was nothing but sawdust scattered over the forest floor.

Then, Emmett found a large boulder that came up past my waist. He carried it into the small clearing as though it was as light as a marble, set it down in front of me, and gestured towards it with his hand. I lifted my hand high in the air and brought it down swiftly in a karate-chop motion. The second my hand hit the boulder, it split cleanly in two. I stared down at the two halves of the boulder in front of me, still shocked at exactly how strong I was. Once again, I kicked and punched at the boulder, even gripping it in my hands, my fingers sinking into it like it was made of putty.

"Now that you have some idea of your strength," Emmett said when the boulder was nothing but dust, "We can begin to think about how to rein it in when you don't want to break things. Though that said, there's nothing like a little forest destruction to let out some rage every now and then." I giggled as he winked at me, before stalking out of the clearing and returning with another boulder, this one a bit smaller, maybe twice the size of a basketball.

"Now, the goal is to not destroy this one," he smirked, "We'll start with just picking it up and moving it between your hands, trying not to dig your fingers into it. Then, we'll throw it to one another, learning how to adjust your grip and position to catch it without damaging it."

We spent about an hour doing that. Throwing and catching boulders (plural because I was certainly not a natural at this and I destroyed many of them) before moving on to tree trunks. By the end of the hour, we managed a relay of almost 30 throws before I lost concentration and dug my fingers too far into the section of the tree trunk and it split in two in my hands.

We were just finishing up when I sensed a presence in the forest. Leaves rustled and I heard footsteps quickly coming closer. My body reacted instantly, a growl escaping my lips as I lowered into a crouch, facing the direction of the sounds.

"Woah, it's okay, Bella," Emmett said, "Use all of your senses."

I stayed in my crouched position, but I sniffed the air, searching through the scents of the forest and finding hints of leather and sandalwood that I knew belonged to Jasper. I eased out of the crouch just as he appeared through the trees.

"That was really good, Bella," Jasper said as he walked through the clearing, "You thought through the self-protection instinct to listen to Em and follow his instructions. That's really good for a newborn."

"Edward's pacing the floors back at the house," Jasper continued, "I knew if you headed back there, he probably wouldn't let you go again, so I thought it best to meet you guys here."

"Well, that sounds like my cue to leave then," Emmett said, "Good work today, Bella."

"Thanks, Emmett," I said, peering past Jasper to see him grabbing his satchel off the ground.

"Anything for my baby sis," he answered with a wink before disappearing through the trees.

"Ready?" Jasper asked.

"Um, I suppose," I answered, "I know this part is going to be much harder to control. When I get angry, I seem to lose all sense of what's going on around me. It's like a switch goes off in my head. I don't know how to control that."

"I know it seems daunting right now," Jasper said, "And you're right, this part will be harder to get control of than the strength, but it is doable. Look at the rest of us. We can all control our anger pretty well, unless someone or something is threatening our mate."

"But you guys are all at least a hundred years old," I countered, "Is it going to take that long?"

"Of course not," Jasper assured me, "After your newborn year is over, the anger and emotional aspect of being a vampire has usually faded naturally. Not completely, as we are still instinctual creatures and you will always have that self and mate protection instinct, but it will be more controllable. I am going to try to help you work on that so you can control it sooner than that. As you know, I worked with newborns, and we had to do something to stop them from killing each other all the time. Besides, you are actually doing really well anyway."

I opened my mouth to protest, knowing full well that I was doing anything but well, but Jasper interrupted me before I could speak, "I know you don't think you are, but I know newborns. None of the newborns I worked with could have pulled themselves out of that self-preservation like you did earlier only one day after being changed. Hell, they could barely have done it months after being changed. You heard Emmett through that haze and were able to think logically enough to know that I wasn't a threat. I think you'll be able to control your temper fairly quickly."

I nodded, not sure how much I believed him or whether he was just trying to pacify me, but I didn't say anything.

"So, I'm going to alter your emotions," he began, "Send you some anger to see how long you can control it. I want you to focus on pushing that red haze back. Focus on it, not me, not the actual anger itself. Focus on the red haze and work on pushing it back, away from you."

"But, what if I hurt you?" I asked in a small voice, that crack in Edward's chest flooding my brain once again.

"I can calm you down again, don't worry," Jasper assured, "Because it's anger that I created, I can get rid of it easily. You won't get the chance to reach me, I promise. I like my limbs attached to my body. It's a bit harder if it's real anger, but I can still do it, just takes a little longer."

"Okay, let's try it," I said, taking a deep breath.

Jasper nodded at me to indicate that he was going to start, and I felt the red haze filtering in from the sides of my vision. It was gentle at first, seeping in slowly and I tried to focus on it and push it back with my mind. Nothing seemed to happen. The red haze continued to seep in slowly and my breathing quickened, despite my body's lack of need for oxygen. I screwed up my face in concentration and I tried with all my might to push the red haze away, but still, nothing happened.

Then, without warning, the switch in me flipped and I was no longer in control. My body acted of its own accord, lurching towards Jasper. Just as instantly, the anger was gone, as though a bucket of cold water had been thrown over my head, and I flopped to the ground, groaning at my failure.

"It's not failure," Jasper said, "It's the first try. Come on, let's try again."

So we did. We tried again and again and again, yet I could never get past that same point. Each time I would reach that same level of red haze and I would flip, and lunge towards Jasper ready to rip his head off. Thankfully, Jasper was right and I never reached him, but I was getting more and more frustrated that I couldn't get it.

"Nothing's working!" I yelled in frustration, "That damn red haze is impossible to shift!"

"It's not impossible, trust me. This time, try focusing on your breathing too," Jasper suggested, "Your breathing quickens as the anger increases. Try to slow your breathing as you push on the red haze. In and out slowly."

So, I breathed in and out slowly as Jasper sent the anger toward me. That actually seemed to slow the speed of the red haze naturally anyway. As one part of my brain focused on breathing slowly and calmly, another part focused on pushing the red haze back. At first, I didn't think anything was happening, just like every other time, but then I noticed that the red haze had stopped seeping in. I wasn't pushing it back, but I had stopped it. As I realised that, I stopped focusing on my breathing and instantly the red haze won and I flipped once again.

I looked up at Jasper from my position on the ground, where I'd landed when his figurative bucket of water had hit me, to see him beaming down at me.

"You had it for a second there!" he exclaimed, reaching his hand down to help me up and pulling me into a hug, "It might not have been for long, but you held off the anger for a second. That's the start. We'll pick up from there tomorrow. Right now, I think you should hunt. It's been a mentally draining day."

I'd been fighting the burn in my throat for a good part of the day, but I hadn't admitted it to anyone. I knew Edward and the rest of them only hunted once every couple of weeks, so I couldn't understand why my thirst was back so fiercely after barely twenty-four hours.

"I'm fine," I said, forcing myself not to lift my hand to my throat to try to rub away the burn.

"Remember who you're talking to," Jasper said, raising his eyebrows at me, "I know what you're feeling. Besides, you're a newborn. You're gonna need to feed every day for at least the first couple of weeks."

"But the rest of you only hunt every couple of weeks," I complained, giving in and lifting my hand to my throat. Now that we were talking about it, it was much harder to ignore the burn.

"I know," Jasper said softly, "And you'll get to that point too, but right now you need to feed more often. Every day for the first few weeks, then gradually you'll be able to go two days, then three. In a few months, you'll be able to go a week or so between hunts."

"Fine," I grumbled, and we took off into the forest.