Location: Naberrie Lake house on the planet Naboo, 6 month ago, right after the Battle of Kesh.
The most egregious crime a young man Ben's age could commit was...
Smelling Bad!
Ben, indeed, smelled bad!
He had been packed inside a battle ship, then stuffed inside an Jedi StealthX, then trapped inside a one person cockpit with another person for hours.
Any other time, he would've been horrified, especially with a female no less then 5 feet away. But this wasn't any other time and she wasn't just any other person. So he just sat there next to Vestara's Medbed in his rank robes and with his head held in his hands. He felt like the last 3 days were a dream. Was he still dreaming?
He couldn't help but to look at his recent actions with a certain degree of detachment. It was like someone else was controlling him.
He had spared the life of the most vile person in the universe (from his perspective), and he couldn't for the life of him figure out why. Why? "WHY?" He nearly yelled in frustration.
"You know why Ben." A warm voice said. Ben was paralyzed with shock, joy, sadness, and a thousand other emotions at hearing that voice. He lifted his head up from his hands and there... There she was: Master Mara Jade Skywalker. Mom. She stood before him a translucent glowing vision of Love and calm.
"Mom!" He said in the cracking voice of a boy several years younger than himself. She kneeled down in front of him, and wore an expression on her face she had always reserved for her Son. The rest of the Galaxy had known Mara as a cruise missile; completely focused, unstoppable, showing no regret or hesitation. But to Ben she was the epitome of warmth, tenderness, and patience. She was always there when he needed her. And though he had not known it, he needed her now.
A tear rolled down his cheek as he just soaked in the moment, tucking it in behind his heart where it would reside for eternity.
"No Mom. I really DONT know." He replied to her previous statement while wiping his cheeks dry.
"Even she knows that she's not redeemable! That's why she begged me to kill her...I... I think I made a big mistake Mom... UGH!" He let out a sigh of frustration.
"I can't ever see her coming to the light." He said with a voice that was one part shattered hope and one part begrudging self awareness.
Mara closed here eyes, as if trying to identify a song being played at nearly inaudible level. She then open her eyes and shook her head slowly.
"No... No, I think you're right. Her future does not lay in the light."
In response to Mara's words Ben's entire body seemingly deflated by about an inch. Ben already new it to be true, but that didn't make it any less jarring to hear.
"...And Ben..." she said, recapturing his attention. "That is absolutely fine!"
"What?" Ben was blindsided.
Smiling at his confusion Mara continued on in an ever patient tone: "Look where you are Ben! Look at the people here! Do you think Tahiri, Raynar, and Dena were just random people that followed your father? Think about it! They have experienced the Dark as well as the light.
Search your feelings Ben!"
He narrowed his eyes almost to the point of closing them and then after a few seconds opened them up fully and said: "Her future is here, with the order of balance... but... I can't tell if it's the force telling me that or my own heart trying to trick me again.
"Ben! I am the Force! remember? And I'm telling you: Your right! But I warn you: Her Journey to balance will not be a smooth one, so don't give up on her."
"I won't Mom" Ben said, not really comprehending her warning. He hesitated briefly and then, awkwardly, he continued:
"Ah... Mom? I ... I don't think I can ever join Dad's new order."
She reached out to touch him. The sensation had a curious warm buzzing quality to it. "Ben! The Jedi need you! You will lead them one day. Your father has foreseen it. You are not betraying him! His order does not compete with the Jedi. It's the force reasserting the boundaries of the battle between light and dark. The eternal conflict will no longer be allowed to consume the galaxy.
Do not be afraid of him; his new role. Being in the middle doesn't make him uncaring or apathetic. He is still, and will always be a farm boy at heart." Throughout the conversation she had still retained the mannerisms and tone of Mara Skywalker, but, at the same time, she had also seemed more patient, more eternally wise then ever. When referring to Luke that eternally calm tone broke ever so slightly. Ben knew what that meant: She was worried about Luke.
"Mom? Is... Is Dad in some kinda... Danger?"
By this time she had reclaimed her former countenance.
"There is a great and ancient dark cloud approaching Ben... and... and he will not survive unless..." she stopped herself, seemingly realizing who she was talking to. "That Message is for your father's ears alone. But, don't worry Ben, he is surrounded by everything and EVERYONE he needs to make it..." She then drew her attention away from Ben and Looked toward the broken girl laying in the Medbed. "I must go now Ben. But always believe that I will love you until the last stars burn out. I will be with you Ben Skywalker my child... Always." Her glowing translucent form seemed to dissolve into nothingness, revealing the stirring form of... VESTARA! She was coming to!
Ben wasn't sure he was ready to deal with the conscious wreck of a woman that would be Vestara.
That was the understatement of the millennium!
Her eyes fluttered open, almost to the same rhythm of his heartbeat. Vestara just blinked at him. The beginnings of a smile began to form on her lips
"Ben?" She asked, or attempted to ask; it came out more like a whisper/rattle.
Her eyes began to wonder around the room, slowly at first. The slow wondering, quickly morphed into darting, as the telltale signs of panic set it. Undoubtably, latent memories of her last few conscious moments came flooding back in. She began to breath heavily as her facial features tensed up into a portrait of emotional pain. Tears started to flow heavily as she croaked softly: "No! No! No!
He leaned forward seeking to calm her which only served to intensify her distress. She began to howl: " NO! NO!..."
"It's gonna be ok Ves! We're going to take..." he said while grabbing hold of her.
He never got a chance to finish his thought. She began to thrash about. Even Ben had to admit this was starting to get over his head. He figured someone had already heard the commotion, but for good measure, he called out: Help! We need Help in here!" He was now standing behind her and holding her (trying to hold her), as tight as he could, with his arms over her shoulders and upper chest. All the while screaming "No", she was attempting to kick herself off the bed, but Ben's restraining grip kept her down. That is, until she bit his arm as hard as she could. To Ben's credit, he didn't scream; it was more of a grunting roar. At any rate, the pain was enough to cause him to let go of her for half a sec. It was more than enough...
She launched herself out of the bed onto the bedside table that was on wheels. Predictably, the table shot out from beside the bed into the glazed glass partition that separated the compact med room from a small study nook. What a glass wall was doing in a medbay, Ben hadn't a clue. However, this was Naboo, where form was of slightly more importance than function.
When the table made impact, Vestara was thrown to the floor as the glass partition shattered, sending dangerous shards raining down... AROUND her. Ben was still several paces away, hand outstretched, and face strained in concentration, as he used the force to put up a protective bubble around her for just a second. It was enough.
There she lay surrounded by jagged shards.
Ben's relief turned to abject horror, as he helplessly watched the still screaming Vestara grab for a medium size glass shard. She grabbed it with such a strong grip that the edges sliced into her palm. She then proceed to stab the shard, over and over agin, into her left wrist, while breaking out into relieved sobs.
Once his initial shock wore off Ben reached her, himself crying now, and tried to wrestle the impromptu blade away.
All the while blood was spurting out of her wrist, and pouring out of her hand, making the floor slick with the physical manifestation of her crimson rage and despair. Though he kept slipping in the blood, Ben was able to stabilize himself enough to grab her shard wielding forearm. He knew better than to try and wrest the weapon from her hand. That would only result in injuries to himself. So, he put a second hand on her arm and proceeded to smash her fist against the floor. Her hand, now torn to ribbons, released it's grip on the deadly shard.
"Hel..." He was in the middle of yelling when help finally came. Tahiri and Dena came through the door and headed right for the bloody couple on the floor. Both women, were shocked by the sight, but they didn't hesitate. Dena grabbed some towels that had landed on the floor when the bedside table was disturbed, and quickly pressed them to the girl's wrists. Meanwhile, Tahiri held out her hand over Vestara, and the writhing wreak of a woman lost consciousness.
Hours later Vestara was laying strapped down to a Medbed aboard the Jade Shadow. Luke had suggested the change in location for two reasons:
1 The Shadow's Med Bay was better equipped to handle an uncooperative patient.
2 Vestara had lived aboard the Ship, alongside the Skywalkers, for some time. Even a small sense of familiarity would go a long.
That night, Ben stopped by to see Vestara before he had to return to the Jedi Council for debriefing. She was unconscious and truly at peace. He dared not wake her, but at the same time he was impelled to express his confidence in her... No, not just her. He had confidence in his mother's assurance: "Don't give up on her." With Mara's word still in his ear's he bent over her, and moved his face intimately close to the sleeping patient. His mouth in line with hers, he was tempted once again to feel the gentle caress of her soft lips. Instead, he shifted his mouth to line up to her forehead, and there he left her with a kiss, a promise:
"I won't give up on you."
Then, he was gone.
A month passed and Vestara had made little progress in accepting her new reality. She had made 2 additional attempts on ending her life, but none were as thorough as her initial one. She boiled with anger at being used by everyone. Now she had no one. Just a lifetime lived in vain. Over time the intensity of those feelings went from the sensation of burning alive to a dull omnipresent ache. THE FORCE! The force amplified her guilt, her loniless, and anger. At that moment she knew: If she was going to keep on living, she needed to block herself off from the force, and she did.
Once she had reconciled herself to living, she did just that.
Her heart was beating, hear lungs were taking in air. Nothing more, Nothing less. She would spend her days and nights, just lying in her bed in her old quarters aboard the Jade Shadow, facing the wall with an episode of some old holdrama playing in the background behind her. 3 times a day Dena would check on her needs and bring her a meal.
Then, one day, R2D brought her the evening meal. She found his chirps, beeps and whistles comforting. He just rolled into the corner while she ate. Every once and while he would whistle and inquiry. His persistence paid. "Yes! Im ok!" Were the first words that she had spoken in a month. When he had collected her tray and headed for the exit, she called out "Uh... Droid!... Could YOU come back to check on me tomorrow?" R2 responded with a host of affirmative little noises, and finally... Vestara had something to look forward to in the morning.
The next morning, R2D2 rolled into her quarters. After an exchange of greetings, the droid seemed to be making an inquiry of her. "Ok. Go ahead!" She didnt know exactly what he was saying but she took a stab at it. R2D2 responded by activating his holoprojector. A half sized hologram of Luke Skywalker appeared before her. "Vestara, I'm glad you have found someone around here that you feel comfortable with. A lot of changes have occurred since the events of Kesh. It's important that you understand what has happened." The Droid then began to project the highlights from the Battle of Kesh: The Uvak attack, the incoming missile, Luke's intervention, and the battle's end.
She began to cry. All this time she thought Luke and Jedi had destroyed the Sith, when he alone saved them. "Sith'ari!" The words effortlessly escaped her mouth. Before she could begin to sort out her feelings toward what she had just witnessed, the holographic image of Luke reappeared:
"Your Past, Vestara Khai, is just that. Your goals, your aspirations, and hopes, died on that purple moon. But... we can give you new goals, and new aspirations. Don't serve the Dark! Don't serve the Light! Serve the Balance! Join this family of wounded!
The holographic recording ended. And Vestara just sat there in the scilence. Until, that is, R2 rolled up beside her. He then swivelled his dome shaped head to the side, in order to look at her, all the while letting out a serious of quiet and comforting whistles. She reached over and hugged him. It was more like she was grabbing onto him for dear life. The droid just stood in place, all the while sending her assuring little messages in his own language.
After a minute, she let go of the droid, and said: " You won't let me give up, will you? You must be a Skywalker too." She said with first hint of grin.
Smiling had always made her self conscious because of the little scar at the corner of her lips. But that little scar was nothing now. Although the scaring and damage caused by the crash was kept to a minimum, thanks to excellent treatment, her face was not the same face she remembered. There were small scars across her forehead and cheeks. Her hair hadn't really grown back on the side of scalp that recieved the most burns, giving her hair style an asymmetrical look that some would desire, but she found repulsive.
The fake skin that covered her artificial feet had burned away. She didnt want eyes to see her, and pity her. She didnt deserve anything as charitable as pity. She had cut a path of destruction in her lifetime, hoping it would be worth it in the end. It had been worth ashes. The faces of Tendra and Lando jr would forever be burned into her eyelids, haunting her in the night. Not just them. Her father, who died at her hands, the Falleen Jedi Natua Wan, and many others.
Any pity thrown in her direction would resurrect the wronged ghosts of her past and send her spiraling back down the hole she had just crawled out of. She needed a new skin. Armour. Not to protect her from the world but to protect the world from her.
Looking at the droid (her only friend in the universe) she asked: "Can you help me with somthing?"
She made her request and R2D2 led her to Mara's work closet. Inside was every sort of mission gear. She found what she was looking for.
In the lake house, Luke was seated at the dining table, chopping some kind of purple vegetable for dinner. Everyoneelse was lounging around or had found something to fiddle with. In strode a figure, wearing a burgundy combat/utility suit with a matching helmet. R2D2 rolled proudly beside her. Everyone turned to look at her as she spoke:
" Vestara is dead! From now on my name is...Shadree! (Which means the "Lone One" in Keshiri). How May I serve?"
Luke got up from his seat, and handed her his knife. "You can finish cutting up these Pahka Roots, I'll go put the Nerf Steaks on the grill."
And that was it, their family was now complete.