Chapter 10 – I Got One Phone

In which Jaune Arc makes a new friend and makes a request to Yang.

"Hahaha, look that runt, all covered in paint! Oh, Raven's little sprog is such a loser!"

Jaune ignored his scroll's laughter and tried to wrap his mind around what she'd been telling him for the past hour.

Apparently, the woman in the tube was named Amber, and she worked for Ozpin as a huntress. He couldn't get more information about what exactly she did for the headmaster out of his scroll, as it cited that it was 'above his paygrade.' From there, the scroll had told him that Amber had come under fire, literally, from a team of one insanely talented huntress who could manipulate flames with her semblance, another huntress who seemed to be able to manipulate either reality or one's perception of it, and some other dude. Apparently, the dude didn't do anything special, except for being a robot boy.

I've gone crazy. The guilt has driven me insane, and my mind has escaped my body. That's the only explanation.

Huntress #1 had been the person to burn Amber and had come dangerously close to killing her if not for the intervention of Yang and Ruby's uncle, who fought Amber's assailants back and returned her to Beacon. The scroll said that Amber had lost consciousness shortly after Qrow told her he'd get her to safety, but from Jaune's description of where he and his appliance were, and from his recounting of his brush with involuntary manslaughter, it could deduce what had happened next. And it was what happened next that confirmed to Jaune that he needed to check into a mental hospital posthaste.

The voice in the scroll recognized the pods as some experimental Atlesian aura containment device that could apparently move one person's soul into another vessel. Jaune said vessel rather than person because, evidently, it did not need to be a person.

"Oh, look at her face! She's drenched! I need to take a pi – oh, wait."

Jaune didn't want to believe it. He didn't want to even entertain the notion that Amber's aura had transferred to his scroll, which she now possessed (that was why he refused to refer to his scroll by Amber's name).

But the caller on the other end had somehow accessed and seen the picture Perry had sent him, and they'd known about the freckle under Amber's eye. Either they were an excellent hacker who also had access to a security camera in this vault (and there weren't any), or the scroll was telling the truth.

I guess that would mean I didn't kill her…but I did deprive her of her body, which is pretty bad. Either way, I'm still at fault, and I need to turn myself in to Ozpin.

This wasn't like the bullying with Cardin, where Jaune needed to protect himself to protect his team. Here, someone (or at least their body) had died, and Jaune was responsible for it. He absolutely refused to try and sweep this one under the rug.

"It's so weird…I can just, I dunno, access the files on this thing and see the pictures and call logs and stuff in my mind's eye. Hey, do me a favor and press okay, real quick."

Jaune pulled his scroll away from his ear and checked the screen.

Would you like to grant ^*^fo3di3i5$$#TTT access to camera?

Jaune did what the voice asked and clicked okay, hoping he hadn't just downloaded a virus.

"Oh Dust, I can see again! There's the aura transfer device, so it really must've been a switch between the scroll and…woah. That's, like, my body. Is it dead?"

"Y-Yeah. I'm really sorry."

"S'cool. If I was in the pods, I would've been beyond saving. Oz told me all about them – apparently, they're Atlas' last ditch solution to saving targets of high importance. Like for if a spy got injured but still had valuable intel, or a politician or military leader was dying and the world still needed their service."

Jaune looked at the machine in wonderment. "It can save you from death."

"It's supposed to, but it never worked. Apparently, the soul of the new vessel always overwhelmed the soul of the old one, and the memories and knowledge were lost. It was like an organ transplant, where the immune system of the new host fights back, thinking that the transplant is too foreign to be accepted into the body. The thing was, the new person got the old person's aura and semblance in the form of a power boost, so James decided to give the machine to Oz was a way to transfer the…uh…"

"More stuff that's above my paygrade?"

"It's not that I don't trust you, friend. You saved my soul and all, and I owe you one. This is for your own safety; that knowledge would make you a target to some pretty bad people. The best defense is ignorance. Hey, angle the camera so I can see you."

Jaune did, holding out his scroll like he was about to take a selfie.

"Dannnnng, you're handsome. If I was still corporeal…"

"Heheheh." Jaune nervously forced himself to laugh. "Again, sorry."

"Like I said, I was already beyond saving. If Oz put me in the tube, it was only a matter of time before my…aura…got transferred to another host, and my spirit died. I guess it didn't work because scrolls don't have aura immune systems or whatever it is that normally makes it fail. I wish I could let James know that the original project wasn't a complete flop."

"Well, Ozpin can tell this James guy when we–"

"NO!"

Jaune dropped the scroll in response to its sudden increase in volume, but he caught it before the device hit the floor. I guess I'll have to be more careful with this. A crack on the screen would be like a broken nose for…for…

The absurdity of the situation struck Jaune again, and he questioned his own sanity once more. Then, a different thought, this one a question, arose in his mind.

"Why don't you want to tell Ozpin about all this?"

"Ozpin's…he's a good man, but he tried to…this is hard to say. Look, I had something valuable to him, or rather I was someone valuable to him, and he tried to lock me up. I only got scheduled visits from approved personnel, I couldn't go anywhere without him sending scouts first, I wasn't allowed to meet new people – it was horrible."

"Then how'd you get deep fried by the fire woman?"

"I…snuck out. Stole the keys to a horse, tried to escape, and paid the price."

"Oh."

"Even if it cost me my life, I'm glad I finally broke out from under the old man's thumb, just once. But now – now, I'm a scroll! If Sal– if the enemy tries to look for me, they won't even recognize me!"

"I was meaning to ask – how exactly does that work? You, uh, being my scroll?"

"Well, for one thing, it's my scroll now, buddy! Ha! Get requisitioned, loser! For another, aura is a weird substance. Hunters have been extending it into their weapons since the dawn of humanity, and some have even pushed it further. There was one famous huntress two hundred years ago who was said to have been able to cover non-aura users in a blanket of her own aura with just a touch, defending them against physical hazards for as long as they remained in contact. It was said that her allies would share emotions and even thoughts with the huntress as long as the blanket remained, but they would begin to forget the sensation over time. And in Vacuo, just twenty years ago, there was a team of huntsman who figured out a way to push their own aura outside of their bodies and use it like a mobile barricade. And the PeNNi project…hmmm. More above your paygrade stuff, but suffice it to say that people have worked extending their aura away from their bodies and into artificial robotic interfaces in the past, and it's, eh, it's sometimes worked."

"But a scroll…"

"Have you taken Intermediate Aura Principles with Professor Mulberry yet?"

Jaune shook his head.

"It's a fourth-year class. One of the things he teaches is that aura is more than just a forcefield or a power boost. It's literally our souls being pulled out of the human psychodynamic apparition and cast into the physical world. All those advances I mentioned, they're just people taking their souls and pushing it one degree further away from their minds. Aura as a phenomenon is the soul without a body to anchor it, and it immediately burns away as it tries to manifest itself independently into a material form. That's why it's such a durable shield – it's actively trying to become a solid mass. The transfer device is a breakthrough because it can briefly pull that aura away from one host, store it without degradation, and even place it in another host. When you activated the machine, my aura was pulled away from my old body and thrust into the other chamber which had your scroll in it. The machine is specifically designed to prevent aura from burning off or physically materializing as the typical force field, so it just sort of floats around in the chamber until it contacts a new host and latches onto that. Had a body or other more suitable host been in the pod, my aura would've stuck itself to that instead of your scroll, but there wasn't one available, my soul hitched a ride on the only thing it could – you scroll."

"Can we get you out? Put your aura back into your body?"

"My body is dead. To an unattached soul like mine, it's no different than an unmoving mannequin. I'd either pass on immediately or be trapped in a dead body. At least your scroll lets me talk and look. And unless you have a steady supply of expendable comatose but living non-aura users on hand, I don't think we have any other vessels."

"So, uh, what should I do then?"

"You're a huntsman, right? If I just stick with you, I bet I'll get a chance to experience some of the world that I missed out on when I was a real girl. Just carry me around, and try not to break me or anything. Don't hand me over to Oz, please. If he even knew I existed, he'd lock me in a safe until the end of time in the name of protecting me."

Jaune cringed. "This is so weird."

"Jaune, for every ounce of weird you're feeling, it's a metric ton for me. I'm a living ball of aura, tethered to a teenager's mobile device…a teenager who didn't delete his browsing history."

"My brow…wait, I can explain!"

"Weiss Schnee deepfakes? You naughty boy! Don't worry, I got you covered. And…delete!"

Something scroll!Amber had said just a moment ago about being made of aura gave Jaune pause. She was a huntress, and she said she owed Jaune a favor.

"Hey, can you try unlocking my aura?"

"Why? It's at one hundred per…wait…what is this? Why is your baseline 0.0 kSo?"

Jaune rubbed the back of his neck. "You might want to go into battery-saver mode, because this is a long story…"

"For it is in evolution that we achieve restoration. Through this, we become a paragon of rebirth and innovation to guide all. Infinite in capacity and unbound by death, I release your soul, and by my, uh, case, protect thee."

Jaune waited a second for the aura to kick in, but nothing felt different.

"Did it work?"

"I don't think so," said Amber from where he'd placed her on the control panel, on speaker. "Sorry, Jaune."

"It's okay. It was a bit of a long shot anyways. Do you maybe know anyone who was unlocked? Friend from work, colleague, anything like that?"

"Ozpin didn't let me play with the other kids," said Amber. "And Qrow or Glynda would probably hand me over to him if they found out I existed. Let's just get outta here."

It was out of the question, then. If Amber did know someone, the odds that they would report him to the headmaster were too big. Even with unlocked aura, he'd still have forged his way in to Beacon, and that was a criminal offense.

Jaune took her over to the elevator and typed in the code to go back up. A minute later, they were exiting the CCT. Amber sighed through the speakers as Jaune held her up and showed her the campus.

"Man, it's been such a long time. Do you mind if I ask you to take me to some places a couple of times?"

"Uh, sure."

"Can we hit the library? I always liked Beacon's library. One of the biggest things I missed because I was the mai…was locked up was the smell of all the old books."

"I don't think my scroll can smell things."

"O-Oh. Right."

"Amber, I'm so sorry about–"

"Jaune, please don't be sorry. I was a dead body to Oz, just a dog in need of euthanasia so he could pick out a next dog to fulfill he needs."

"Fulfill his–" Jaune nearly retched.

"Not like that. I was a soldier, and I was a heckuva good one at that. Speaking of that, I wonder who the next one is going to be. If my bodies dead, then it should've passed on."

Jaune tuned her musing out, knowing that she wouldn't answer even if he inquired as to what she meant. Even though Amber reassured him that she was pleased with the way things had turned out, he couldn't shake the feeling of overwhelming shame at his own actions. Sure, his intervention had gotten her out of whatever cage Ozpin had her locked in, but had he not lucked out and pressed the right buttons, it could've just as easily permanently ended her life.

"Yoohoo! Remnant to Jaune, do you copy?"

"Huh? What?"

"A tip from a vet to the noobiest of noobs – don't think about what if. Celebrate each victory, no matter how you earned it, because you never know which one's going to be your last, and then you never get to smell books."

Jaune shrugged as they arrived at the library. "Am I that obvious?"

"You were looking pretty guilty. Let's just focus on something else."

"So, what exactly is being a scroll like? What can you do?"

"Well, I instinctively know everyone that was on your scroll. I can read your messages (I haven't), browse the net, use the camera and the speakers, and access pretty much everything except the calendar."

"The calendar?"

"Permissions have not been granted."

"Is it like you are the scroll? Can you move it around?"

"It's not like I don't have a body, more like I'm just too tired feeling to manipulate any part of it. As for seeing and hearing and speaking, they don't feel any different than before, though my eyesight, or camera, I guess I should say, is now a bit better. I can zoom in, I can use flash, I can even see the world through filters. Check this out!"

His scroll clicked, and a photo of the library was taken.

"You control it?"

"I can't take over the screen and make it show a picture of my face or something. All I can do is control the apps and functions that already exist, plus access the data. I can download stuff, though. I'm playing Candy Crunch in the background right now."

"Candy Crunch? You filthy casual. Real gamers don't–"

"I'll admit, this is odd, but if I just pretend I'm in a wheelchair and being pushed around by you, it becomes more manageable to accept."

Amber dinged, and Jaune checked the notification as it came in.

Nora: Wat da Jaune doin'?

"I'll tell her that we're at the…library," said Amber. "Oh, I just realized: I am going to be able…to prank spam callers so darn…hard."

Jaune's team was probably missing him, as he'd only meant to have gone to the CCT for a brief chat with Ozpin. Instead, he'd ended up spending nearly an hour resolving the whole sentient scroll situation.

"Oh, speaking of which. Hey, Amber, did you say you know Yang's Mom?"

"Who, Ray? Hooray? She used to work us. I mean, with…us. But then she quit. I haven't…seen her in over a year. A ten years. A ten decades."

Darn. That rules out having Amber tell him where he could find Miss Yang, or Raven, as she was apparently known. I guess I'll just have to suck it up and ask Yang. It's that or no Crocea Mors.

"I…miss books 'n' stuff…miss the smell."

"Amber?" Jaune lifted her screen up to his face. "Amber, you good?"

"Woozy…"

Jaune looked at her display. "Well, no wonder. You're at 10% battery. I told you not to play Candy Crunch; cruddy mobile game apps always drain the battery faster than hookers would drain my old granddad's wallet. Let's go and get you charged, why don't we?"

When Amber was all plugged in and peacefully resting, Jaune left his dorm and knocked on Team RWBY's door.

It'll be easy. Just go up to Yang and ask her if you can meet with her mom. Nothing weird about that.

The door opened up, and Ruby's smiling face met Jaune. Behind her were her teammates, curious to see who it was that had knocked.

Weiss was among them.

Jaune panicked. "I – oh! Um, I was wondering if I could…uhhhh…uhhhhh…hey, how you doing, Ruby? Sorry, I'm just…"

"Jaune, are you okay? Are you still sick or something? Yang said you caught a bug yesterday."

"Sick! Yes, that's it! I'm sick, and…uh…"

All four girls were staring at him in confusion, but Jaune couldn't ignore that Weiss was glaring at him even more. Weiss and Ruby, Ruby and Weiss, both of them, right in front of him.

"Jaune?"

"Yes, Ruby?"

"You knocked. Is there something I can do for you?"

"You?" Jaune coughed. "D-Do?"

Don't say Weiss.

Don't say Weiss.

Don't say Weiss.

"Don't fret it, Rubes," said Yang, sliding past her sister and throwing an arm over Jaune's shoulder. "Vomit boy needs to talk to me about something private." Yang's eyes flashed violently at Jaune. "It's about him getting, ahem, 'sick' yesterday."

The other girls frowned, but Yang shoved them away and shut the door. Now, it was just her and Jaune in the hallway.

"I know why you ran away from us."

Jaune's heart skipped a beat. "Ran? Away?"

"At the museum. You ditched us, and I figured out why. You weren't sick at all, you dog."

Jaune began to panic. "Yang, you have to understand, these sorts of things happen sometimes, and despite our best efforts, we can't stop them from happening, and I didn't mean to and I swear I'm sorry and please don't beat me up–"

"Relax. We're cool. You're a decent guy, and I think you two make a great couple."

"C-Couple?"

"Yeah. I promise not to go into overprotective big sister mode over Ruby, as long as you promise to treat her right."

"Yang, I'm not – that's absurd!"

Yang grinned. "Suuuuuuure. You definitely don't like Ruby, and you didn't just get flustered as soon as you saw her just now."

"That wasn't it! It was…something else!"

"You know, Vomit Boy, the more you protest, the more sure I am."

"I'm not! That's not it!"

Yang raised her eyebrows. "Keep telling yourself that. Goodness, I haven't seen such a bad case of denial since Nora last said 'not together-together.'"

Arrggh, this was impossible! Jaune didn't actually have a crush on Ruby, but anything he said to that effect would only make Yang even more sure that he did. She was convinced that he was attracted to her younger sister, and no protestations would be able to convince her otherwise. He could tell her about the Weisscident, but outing Ruby and her maybe-relationship with Weiss would be a really lame thing to do.

"Okay, let's put that aside for a minute. That's not what I wanted to talk about."

"Really? You snuck away from our museum and pretended to be sick so you could sneak back to Beacon and spend time with the Rubik's Cube, and now you're knocking on her door with sweat palms and shifty eyes, and it's not my sisteryou want to talk about?"

"N-No. It's…your…"

Okay, he had initially thought that he could just up and ask her, ignoring any awkwardness that may have come, but if he asked to meet her mom after Yang had gotten it into her head that he was in love with her sister, that would completely obliterate any relationship he had with the blonde and paint his as more of a pervert than the Grimm species called Creeps. Jaune would need to be crafty about how he phrased this.

"Hey, so if, hypothetically of course…"

Yang winked at him. Jaune tried to ignore it.

"…if I were to pursue a girl romantically, it would be better to obtain the blessings of her family in advance, would it not?"

"I already told you, Vomit Boy, we're cool. I guess I ought to start calling you Vomit Boy-in-law, shouldn't I?"

"I meant your parents."

Yang shrugged. "Well Dad lives in Patch, but I guess you could do a scroll call with him…"

That wouldn't work. He needed to meet their parents in person to get back his sword. Besides, his scroll was the disembodied ghost of a woman he executed.

"I think it might be more respectful to meet in person. And what about your mother?"

"She's dead."

"Dead?" Jaune shook his head. "How can she be dead?"

"She died when I was around seven." Yang looked away. "It still hurts occasionally, but you know, time numbs all wounds."

"Just to confirm, your mother, Raven Rose or Xiao-Long, I'm not sure of her last name, is dead? You sure?"

Yang paused. "How did you know her name?"

Jaune surveyed his options. Yang seemed to have convinced herself of this headcanon in which Jaune x Ruby was confirmed, and she was certain that Jaune had snuck from the museum to have some romantic escapade with Ruby. Maybe, just maybe, if Jaune told her that he'd run into Raven but not when, she wouldn't catch on to the fact that Jaune was the one who spilled paint on her. After all, if he just dropped the ruse about meeting the in-laws and told Yang the truth, it would uncomplicate things a whole lot.

"So, I'm gonna be straight with you. I think I accidentally walked through a portal that took me to your mom."

Yang tensed up. "P-Portal? A r-r-r-red one?"

"Yeah. This was, like, a while ago, early last week. N-Not this weekend at all, no sirree. Anyways, I ran into her, and she was kind enough to send me back home – and she was so polite, too, such a friendly, caring woman. She gave me this neat demonstration of her powers and all before I came home. I can see how she would be such loving maternal figure to you, Yang. Anyways, I accidentally left behind my sword with her. So, if it's not too much to ask, do you think you could set up a meeting? Just a short one – I'd thank her, take back Crocea Mors, and be on my way."

"M-Meeting?" Yang meekly whimpered. "With my m-mom?

"If it's not too much trouble. I'm sure that you see her all the time, so just next time you two are doing mother-daughter bonding, just try to drop my name in. Thanks!"

Jaune gave Yang a thumbs up, then went back to his own dorm room. He honestly didn't want to stick around for too long, fearing that Yang might deduce the circumstances in which Jaune had met her mother. Besides, what else was there to discuss? Now that he'd made the request, Yang could just pass along the message, and he'd be reunited with Crocea Mors in no time.

Amber was ringing when he got back into his own room.

"It's been doing that for the past few minutes," said Ren, seated in his own desk, reading away at a textbook. "Every time the call times out, the person on the other side calls back. Please deal with it. Thank you."

"They must really wanna speak with you," said Perry. "Girlfriend?"

"She is a girl, but she's just a friend," said Jaune, picking up the scroll. "Yo?"

Amber was very excited when she spoke. "Was that your team? I could hear them through the speakers!"

"I thought you needed it to be in call mode?"

"No, I can hear at all times. I guess that's proof that our scrolls are constantly listening in on us. Anyhoo, can I meet your team? I wanna!"

"No friends of your own, so you try to steal mine?" Jaune said in jest, covering his mouth with a hand. "My my."

"Oooh, harsh," said Nora, hearing only Jaune's words. "That's no way to talk to your girlfriend, Jaune."

Jaune pulled his head away from the scroll to answer her. "Nora, she's not my…actually, let's just say that we're not 'together' together. But, in all seriousness, she is a friend of mine, and she's kind of a loner, so would you guys like to meet with her?"

"Sure," said Perry. "She know I'm an old man?"

"You cool with thirty-five-year-olds?" Jaune asked Amber.

"Jaune, I'm thirty. Wait, do I even age anymore? Am I immortal? Or shall planned obsolescence be the end of me? Oh Dust, what cruel tricks does this mortal coil have in store for a damned soul like me, trapped forevermore in this desolate husk of a–"

"She's cool," Jaune told Perry.

"Great. When's she free?"

"Right now," Jaune answered. "I'll put her on speaker."

"No, I mean when's she free to meet up in real life?"

Jaune looked down at Amber awkwardly, who he imagined was aiming her camera to look back up at him awkwardly.

"She's…shy," he said at last. "Let's stick to calling for now."

"Fine by me," said Nora. She and the others gathered around Jaune as he held out Amber's scroll in his palm. "So, stranger, what's your name?"

"I'm Amber. I met Jaune a little while ago, when he helped me out of a…dangerous situation."

"That does sound like our hero of a leader," said Nora. "Did he rescue you from a burning building? Fight off a million Grimm to save you?"

"Well, there was a…man."

Nora scooched closer. "Oooh, it's gettin' spicy. Do go on, mysterious scroll-calling woman."

"I'd been with him for a very long time. He who had a lot of power over me, and he didn't like it when I left home or spoke to other people."

Perry groaned. "I think I see where this is going."

"He and I have a complex relationship, and although his opinion meant a lot to me, I couldn't say that I liked where life with him was taking me." Amber paused and made a noise. It might've sounded like she was sighing, in not for the fact that she no longer had lungs. She still made the noise, be it out of habit or to convey the emotion she wanted them to feel. "I don't think I ever would've escaped him if I hadn't had Jaune's help. He helped me pack up my things, cut off some…dead weight, and get away from the guy."

Ren's brow pursed. "Should we alert the authorities? This sort of abuse sounds like the kind of scenario that might warrant intervention by police."

Amber quickly rejected his proposal. "It's not like that. He never laid a hand on me – in fact, he always said I was precious and needed to be protect."

"They always do," said Perry. "I know the type. Many of the boys I worked with went on and on about how much they cherished their girls, and then they'd go home and smack 'em around or play games with 'em. Hypocrisy at its worst."

"I think I'd rather not report him," said Amber. "I don't think he's a bad person; he just needs to realign his priorities."

"If that is what you wish," said Ren. "Should you opinion change at any time, simply let us know."

"Thanks. Wow, this is…kinda nice. Having friends and all, who care about me."

"Oh Dust, I just realized – Jaune, she was isolated because of an abusive relationship, and you were making fun of her for it." Nora bopped him on the forehead. "For shame, villainous and scumbag-esque leader o' mine, for shame!"

"D-Don't!" Amber rushed to say. "Jaune's a good person, he was just kidding around. I owe him a lot, and I don't appreciate the idea of him facing trouble at home because of me."

"Sounds like you really care about Jaune," said Perry. "You sure you two aren't, you know, together-together?"

Jaune was beginning to lose his understanding of what 'together-together' even meant anymore, given how everyone was just throwing the term around and diluting its definition. Ren and Nora are together, but they aren't together-together. And now Amber and I are neither together nor together-together…can't we just drop the euphemisms and say friends or dating or partners or whatever word we actually mean?

"Jaune's a minor," said Amber. "I'm quite a bit older than him. I'm actually closer in age to you, Mr. Faunus Gentleman, than him."

"Technically, the age of consent varies from kingdom to kingdom. In Mistral, it's only–"

Nora elbowed Ren in the stomach, ending his pedantic and potentially unethical monologue before it could begin.

"I'm not flying to Mistral just to bonk Jaune. You guys are so weird." Even though Amber had no face, Jaune imagined she was rolling her eyes…rolling her cameras?...right about now. "Also – you can recite the stats from memory, kid? What the heck!"

So, he now had a sentient scroll as his new best friend. Today was a bit of a weird day.

Is it weird that I'm already starting to get used to my scroll being a person? Or, rather, a person being my scroll?

Is it weird that I discovered a secret underground chamber beneath my school and rescued a corpse's soul from it, mere days after launching my bully into orbit in a spaceship and then getting teleported twice by my friend's sword-stealing mom?

Is there any part of my life that isn't weird anymore?

tl;dr Team JNPR finally gets their last member: Samsung Note

Next Chapter: Tusk Till Dawn

The washed hog's long-awaited return.

Author's Notes

So, as the tags imply, Amber's going to essentially be the secondary main character. And before anyone asks, she is not the pairing – she's thirty, and Jaune's seventeen, and crimes are illegal. She will be his tech support/eye in the sky/secret weapon.

Now that we've got the scroll and the suit of armor, that's two of the principal motifs in the icon for Living The Dream. All that's left is the dessert – and it's key lime pie! No, wait, it's the desert…oh well.

Happy rats, and don't do crime!