Chapter description:

Despite many attempts, even with help from others, I am still chronically bad at Splatoon... yet still I try to do something about that from time to time.

This time however, no thanks to magic, I've managed to upset my own Inkling enough that he's not only stolen my life, but trapped me as an Octoling and is putting me through Splatoon 2's Octo Expansion. Why 2 and not 3? Because I own 2, and I'd hoped to get good at it before getting 3. Yeah, that... hasn't gone to plan.

So now I have to wait for him to come back to Octo Expansion and play it using me... and hope he doesn't get me splatted much.

Disclaimers:
Splatoon is owned by Nintendo
My (as yet unnamed) Inkling is, of course, my own OC.

I've always been bad at the Splatoon games. Like, don't get me wrong, I love the series, I've watched others play them, I even have at least some idea of what I think I'd do well playing. But despite repeated attempts… I'm just plain bad at them.

The controls are something I always struggle with, and when it's not that, I have such poor awareness - both of the wider map and the immediate area - that I'm an easy target while struggling to fight off even something as simple as a Shielded Octotrooper.

Despite this however, every now and then I pick up Splatoon 2 and try yet again, starting fresh in the hopes that by running through the tutorial all over again, I might finally be at least competent enough to play the single player mode, which in turn might give me the confidence to go into turf wars - or even pick up Splatoon 3, for that matter.

Of course, you should always be careful about such things when in a magic-rich environment. Magic has a tendency to affect things in unpredictable ways, giving personality to things that don't normally, and life where there isn't normally life. I'm no better at magic than I am at the games, so I tend to forget this.

And that's why this time, my attempt to learn to play again… did not go to plan. On the other hand though - or possibly tentacle - I now have an entirely new perspective on the world of Splatoon. And technically I'm actually good at the game now. I say technically because while I have gone into turf wars… it's not the way I imagined it.

As I said, whenever I try again I prefer to start over to help get myself into things. As badly as I handled the tutorial, I did well enough to think I could move on to the main game, sending my extremely fresh around the gills Inkling straight into Octo Canyon, exchanging the basic starter outfit for the Hero Suit and tackling the first mission.

It's meant to be easy, I know this. And yet, I managed to die. Not just once or twice, but three times, before I finally managed to clear it. Yeah, if that doesn't show up how bad I am at this, I don't know what does. After that abysmal performance, apparently I somehow upset my Inkling.

I put down the inability to control my Inkling avatar to my Joycons being disconnected, something that happens annoyingly often (especially during Mario Kart…), but a green light on each showed that this wasn't the case. Up on the screen, my Inkling turned to face the screen, the camera panning in close to see the irritated scowl on his face.

I'm still not entirely sure what happened next. I can only guess based on what's happened to me since, and, well, the presence of magic. My Inkling sprayed a pattern in the inkable surface of Tentakeel Outpost, with two circles in the middle, stepped into one and did… something with his free hand that I couldn't see. Some kind of magic, I think now, but I don't even know how he knew what to do.

My vision went blank, but not black. Instead it went the same yellow as your ink colour in Octo Canyon. I felt weird, a sensation that I can only describe as 'gooey'. The next thing I knew, I was standing in a circle, in a pattern of ink, with an irritated-looking Inkling in the Hero Suit standing in front of me, one hand on his hip and the Hero Shot in the other, resting against his shoulder.

"You really are a pain, you know," he told me. "Of all the people I coulda had control me, it had to be you."

"I didn't-" I started, but stopped as I heard my voice. My altered voice. I sounded like an Inkling! I gave myself a look over and found that I was now wearing the normal Inkling starter gear - the yellow basic tee, cream canvas shoes, and feeling around my head I felt the white headband. And my 'hair'. Which was no longer hair, but rubbery-feeling tentacles.

"L-look, no one is good at this right at the outset!" I tried to protest, but my Inkling shook his head.

"I'm the same Inkling you've made every single time you've tried this. I can remember it all, every single time you've got me splatted, every time you made me jump off the edge of a platform… everything. This isn't your first time, and you're still bad at this."

"I'm trying to do something about that!"

"Yeah, well, you clearly aren't trying hard enough, so I'm taking matters into my own hands. So you'd better come with me," he told me, walking toward the grating that acts as the passage to Inkopolis Square.

I didn't move. I was still trying to take in what had happened. Somehow, my own Inkling had escaped control of my Switch, magically dragged me into the game world, and turned me into an Inkling.

"You can stay there if you like," he called back to me, waiting a short distance away. "But you'll get hungry soon, and you'll have to head back to town for that. Not that it will help you, since you don't have any money. I'm not sending you back, either."

I grudgingly went with him. "Not as if you're giving me much of a choice here," I said resentfully. "Why are you doing this to me, anyway? I mean, I know I'm bad-"

"Bad?!" he exclaimed, interrupting me. "Do you know just how few Inklings there are who've had bad players at the start and still have bad players? You know how embarrassing it is to have you as my player?" he demanded scornfully.

"Uh, but… how-"

Again he interrupted me with an exasperated sigh. "When you're not playing us, we still hang out and chat, you know. We do have a life outside of what you do with us, you just don't get to see it."

He holstered the Hero Shot and took hold of my arm with one hand, making another gesture with his free hand. Somehow, this made me change into squid form with him - probably just as well, since I wasn't sure how to do that myself at the time. Eventually we emerged from the manhole in Inkopolis Square, and when he changed back, so did I. Somehow along the way, his Hero Suit had been replaced with the same outfit I now wore - likely because that was what I'd left him wearing, having not unlocked any other outfit items yet.

It was… strange walking through the Square. It's one thing to see these places on the screen of your Switch, or on a YouTube video as was more common for me. It's very different when you see them for yourself first-hand. There are a lot more Inklings and Octolings around than you see on the screen, for example, and it's a lot more noisy with constant chattering.

My Inkling kept a hand on me to ensure we didn't get separated, taking me away from the main area. We got a lot of odd looks, and I wondered why until I saw our reflection in a glass window. I hadn't just been turned into an Inkling, I'd been turned into my Inkling!

Finally we got to a quieter spot. One I recognised, though not from my own limited time playing. The gated off stairs that were the entrance to Deepsea Metro. At least, that's what it is for us when we're playing the game. I couldn't tell for certain if it led down to the Metro, but I guessed that it likely didn't, or would be blocked off somehow - otherwise it would have made for an easy escape for Agent 8.

"Ok, so, explanation time," my Inkling told me. "There can't be two of me, and I'm sure as hell not turning into an Octoling. So in a moment I'm going to throw you down there, then I'm going to leave by the same means I pulled you in. Since there's only one human who's been dragged in by me, when I leave, I'll replace you - and control you."

"Wait, hold on a second! You don't know anything about living my life!" I tried to protest. "And if I'm down there, I won't be able to come back up here until you-"

"-complete Octo Expansion, I know," he cut me off. A habit of his that always irritates me. "And since you can't have an Octoling up here until you've unlocked playable Octolings, and that can't happen until it's completed… well, you're going to be stuck down there. Fortunately for you, other Octolings have told me that there's vending machines down in the metro that take CQ Points, and I'll see to it you have a good supply of those."

"But you're still going to show up that you're not me outside!"

He sighed. "Do you really think I didn't think of that? Just leaving for the first time will take care of that. Now, one last warning - don't try telling anyone in the Metro what's happened to you. They'll just think you've gone insane - after all, everyone knows humans are extinct. Up here, well, that's a different story."

"And I suppose you won't tell me how you learned how to do this?"

"Don't be silly. All I'll tell you is that if you look hard enough, you can find someone offering anything. I didn't exactly have anything to lose, so I took a risk, and it's about to pay off. Now get down there," he told me, shoving me roughly. "If you don't go down there yourself, I'll just make you."

I refused, standing my ground. "Then you're going to have to make me, aren't you?"

He rolled his eyes, made another gesture with his hands - and vanished, leaving me alone. I presumed that he did as he said and had left, and got confirmation a few moments later when suddenly I was moving against my will!

The Square seemed to have changed too - fewer people around, looking more like it did to us outside the game. I was made to walk around the entire area, likely so he could prove that he had control, then I was taken back to the Deepsea Metro entrance.

Again, everything went dark, and this time it did go black. I actually experienced the Octoling creation process as he made me, eventually putting me in the same position as every other Agent 8, black outfit and all.

While he controlled me, putting me through the start of it, I wondered what would happen if he took me to the sign on the Metro for 'Imagine Inkopolis'. Would I return and be him again? For that matter, what could I do while under his control?

The answer turned out to be 'nothing at all', except for thinking. It meant that Captain Cuttlefish met an Octoling, and while I wasn't effectively mute, all I was able to say were things that Agent 8 would have been able to say, so he thought I was just an amnesiac Octoling who had been fighting Agent 3.

Unsurprisingly, my Inkling controlled me with far better skill than I ever had. Since I was effectively along for the ride whether I liked it or not, I tried to enjoy the unique perspective I was given as I was taken through the abandoned tutorial station that eventually led to the introduction of the Telephone, C. Q. Cumber, and the Metro itself.

Once on board, to my surprise, I suddenly had control of myself again. I wandered up and down the train, seeing the other passengers… and coming across the poster that, outside the game, gives the 'Imagine Inkopolis' prompt.

"Oh no, no getting out that way for you," I suddenly heard my human voice echo in my head. "The magic I used prevents that until you've escaped - that way, there aren't two of me again."

Under my breath so as not to draw attention to myself, I spoke out loud. "And what about when you want to play turf wars or anything like that?"

"I am right now - that's why you have control of yourself again. I know what you're up to, but on my Switch screen I'm in a match right now. Gotta do some of this so I can get out of this basic starter gear and start looking fresh."

"So what, I just ride this metro until you decide to play more Octo Expansion?"

"I was told that the train will make stops at various stations periodically so the passengers can get on and off. You'll be allowed on to the platforms, but you won't be able to leave the stations except on the train. That's how you use the vending machines. I'll play a bit more soon, to make sure you have the money for them."

"I thought you'd do that before you went to play turf wars."

"Oh quit your whining, I just needed to play a bit more. It's different on the other side of the controls. I don't think you want me to suck that much, even if I'm already better than you. Or did you want to share my frustration at some of the harder tests down there?"

"You know you don't have to do all of them," I commented. "I've seen it played enough to know there's a lot of optional-"

"You're doing them all," he interrupted in a stern tone. "Not that you have a choice. Now quit it so I can focus on this match."