Percy rolls over, blinking open a bleary eye as the feeling of cold sweat sticks to his skin. The windows of the Poseidon cabin were dark, the inky depths taunting his exhausted mind. He doesn't have a clock in his cabin (why doesn't he, actually?), but assumes it's some ungodly hour. It always is. His body seems very partial to three am– he has no clue as to why.
The glowing bioluminescent plants set on the windowsill of the window that faced the sea pulse gently, calming Percy's nerves slightly. The blue, green, and pink hues mixed together on the ceiling, blending into something indescribable. Percy lets his gaze linger there, absorbing the colours that were not red or black or—
He mentally clamps down on his train of thought. He doesn't want to think about it (even if Tartarus is the reason he hardly sleeps). Percy curls his hands into fists, clenching at his blanket. He can feel the unforgiving black glass sand biting into his hands and feet, the never ending blood-red sky above him. Annabeth's cries as the curses set in.
Percy squeezes his eyes shut. He can still see the forks of black lightning splitting the sky in the backs of his eyelids. He opens them again, a familiar chill settling into his bones. No. No.
He forces his body to move, setting his feet on the ground (there is no glass here, the floor is secure and it won't hurt you-). Percy presses his palms into his forehead, fingers clenching in his hair. He tries to take deep breaths (the air is not acidic, it won't kill you slowly), tries to focus on the plants from his father's domain– anything. Anything to get away from the memories.
It's so hard now.
There's always something, something that reminds him of that place. Something that makes his mind freeze and his body stiffen, that drags him down into the inescapable depths of hell. Flashbacks– they were all too common. Percy thinks of the campers, of the new ones that give him a wide berth, who stare and whisper when they think he can't hear them. He thinks of the older ones, the ones that knew him before, and they aren't much better and even worse at hiding it. He wishes they would all just leave him alone.
And the nightmares. Di immortales, the nightmares. They replayed his worst memories over and over, showing him things that hadn't even happened, but things he feared could've happened. His mind bundles up his most terrifying experiences, weaves in some horrifying circumstances that Percy fears like nothing else, and ties them with a bow.
His brain is a sick thing.
He tries to act like he's fine- like nothing has happened. But he knows that the others know, because he's different. He can feel the change weighing down his very bones. And every time one of the senior campers throws him a pitying glance, he feels like flipping over a table. Nico, however, sometimes sends looks his way. Looks that said, I understand. I'm sorry.
It almost makes Percy break down. Every damn time.
He feels selfish, honestly. Annabeth was down there, too. He knows she's struggling just as much as he is. And Nico. Gods, Nico. He had been in the place all by himself. He had voluntarily gone down to the Pit to find the doors. Percy doesn't know what happened to him down there. Nico never says anything about it, and the gods know that Percy will never bring it up. But Percy can tell- it had been horrible for him. Even more so than Percy's experience. He and Annabeth had each other. Nico had no one.
Percy can't imagine being down there by himself.
He probably would've gone insane.
He rubs at his forehead, wiping at the crusted sweat at his brow. Glancing at the ocean-facing window, he decides that maybe the sea will clear his head. It always does, in a way. He pads softly outside, the cold grass meeting his bare feet before giving way to sand. Percy slows his pace, letting his lungs fill with the cool night air once, twice. He takes in the glory of the midnight waves, of the glitter of moon-reflecting salt across the surface. He lets the tides lap at his feet as he walks, wet sand giving way beneath his steps.
The rhythmic beating of the waves slowly relaxes his muscles as he heads for his favourite spot on the beach. He pauses briefly, however, as the light of the full moon outlines a small figure already sitting on the sand. Percy feels his lips tug down. Who else was out here this late?
As he draws closer, he places the frame of his shoulders, the tilt of his head contoured by curly hair and feels surprise bubble up. It's Leo, of all people. Percy would've expected Nico, maybe Jason, or maybe even Annabeth. But not Leo.
He walks closer, soft sand dulling the sound of his footsteps. However, Leo is clearly lost somewhere far from this beach. Percy clears his throat softly, before saying, "Fancy meeting you here."
Leo jumps, muscles tensing as he swivels towards Percy, but he quickly relaxes when he recognises the fellow demigod. He presses a hand dramatically to his heart. "Dios mio, don't scare me like that!"
Percy shrugs apologetically, plopping down in the sand next to him. He lets his gaze wander back to the sea. He can taste the salt spray on his lips, and smiles slightly as the coastal breeze lifts his hair from his forehead. Sensing movement from Leo, he watches out of the corner of his eye as the son of Hephaestus sifts sand through his long fingers. "Why are you out here this late?" he asks, his voice seeming awkwardly loud in the silence. "You should be asleep."
Leo cocks an unimpressed eyebrow at Percy, but there's a look in his eyes that contradicts the teasing expression. Percy's eyebrows pull together slightly at the sight of it. "Look who's talking. Out of all of us, I'm pretty sure you're the one who needs sleep the most."
Percy sighs, studying the fine grains of white sand stuck to his feet. A couple heartbeats pass as he contemplates throwing out a blasè answer, something stupid and nonsensical to derail the direction of this conversation. But no reply of such comes to his tongue. So he lets the words come, this time lowering his voice to match the sombreness of the night. "It's harder to sleep now, I guess."
Leo doesn't answer right away, his body stilling in a way that Percy knows is rare when it comes to the Latino. When he does reply, his voice carries a type of seriousness that Percy's never heard from him before. "I get it."
Percy closes his eyes, tilting his face up towards the moon. "I don't know, " he says softly, fingers clenching into the sand beneath him. This late, mentally drained, and so very tired, he doesn't care anymore. Leo's presence beside him is a warm thing, and Percy just wants to let it all go, for once. "I just...I don't really know what to do. Everyone is so different now. People look at me like I have terminal cancer or something, and they're just so- so careful around me, like I'm going to break if they say the wrong thing. I don't know how to deal with that."
Percy feels Leo's contemplating gaze on him, but refuses to look away from the crashing waves. That wasn't fair, he realises with a tiny wince. He shouldn't go around dumping his complaints on people and expect them to be sympathetic. He should be able to deal with his problems on his own, right?
"Well, I mean," Leo starts. Percy frowns to himself as again, that strange serious note haunts his words. "I've never been stuck in Tartarus, but…laughs are easier to fake than you'd think."
Something in Percy's chest tightens as he takes in Leo's words.
That…
That doesn't— fit, really. It doesn't fit with his image of Leo.
The boy is a mechanical genius, with some serious ADHD and really bad puns. He could always offer a helping hand or an insane, outlandish plan for their problems. He knew how to make people laugh, to lift their spirits even when they faced impossible odds. Percy had always respected him for that.
He'a never seen this Leo that was sitting on the beach next to him. He's quiet, serious, with slumped shoulders that spoke of a heaviness he couldn't shake. Percy notices the dark skin under Leo's eyes, shadows that aren't just caused by the moon, and wonders with a sudden clarity if he had ever seen Leo sleep. He'd always been up late working in whatever suited his fancy in the Argo II, and up before everyone else.
Percy recalls a time when he had the night shift. At two in the morning he had poked his head into Leo's cabin because Festeus was creaking about something. The cabin had been scattered, random bits of machinery here and there, and drawings and blueprints tacked haphazardly onto a cork board. The sheets had been hanging half off of Leo's cot, with the small boy nowhere in sight. A bit of searching revealed the Latino in the engine room, completely awake and messing around with the control panel.
Maybe this side of Leo is something Percy has seen, after all. But somehow, he's never really thought about it. All he could muster in response is a soft, "Oh."
Leo hums a bit as he plucks a smooth stone from the sand and turns it over in a calloused palm. "Yeah, I know," A sardonic smirk twists his lips, and with an expert flick of the wrist, he sends the pebble skipping across the waves. "Not what you expected."
"Not entirely," Percy murmurs honestly, but at the same time, he feels like he did expect it. His memory skips around, collecting bits and pieces of this new Leo that he'd never taken the time to notice before. Him leaning against the railing of the Argo II as twilight smothers the world, his usual grin falling from his face as the attention fades from him. The days he spent alone in the engine room, only emerging for a quickly nabbed meal now and then, and the quiet anger in his posture after his days with Calypso. His reserved manner in the days before his death, his quick grins more teeth than anything.
Leo Valdez is, Percy concludes, one of the most selfless people he's ever met. He's chosen not to wallow in himself, instead making others smile with awful jokes and general goofiness, even in life-or-death situations. Looking back on their months together on the ship he had built (alone), the curly-haired boy had probably kept this side of him under wraps because he didn't want them to have to bother with it as they all struggled through their quest. And, Percy muses, it's kind of incredible that he utterly and completely did, to the point where no one thought anything of it.
Including him, Percy realises with a surge of guilt.
("The kindest people," Chiron had told him once, "act that way because the world has never been kind to them.")
Percy exhales, eyes on the waves before them. "But," he says softly, "I'm glad you told me."
"Eh," Leo shrugs it off, in a way that strikes Percy as almost a fallback answer. "Annnd this was originally about you and your experiences, and now I made it about me. Sorry."
"What?" The word escapes Percy's lips before he can stop it. He frowns towards his friend. Did he really think that he wouldn't care? "Don't apologise. I'm serious."
"Yeah, well." A faint breeze rustles Leo's curls, and he pats them down again (it doesn't really do much). "Just wanted to let you know it's not the end of the world or anything, dealing with this kind of shit." He smirks a bit to himself. "We've been there, done that, right?"
Percy stares at his feet, at the white sand peeking through his toes as amicable silence fills the space between them. He hates the way his voice catches when he finally asks, "Does it ever get better?"
Leo's silent for a few heartbeats. "A little," he answers quietly. "Some days are better than others. Some days you can't even comprehend the thought that you weren't always this way. You learn to live with it."
His words were raw with the resignation of it- the fact that he'd deal with whatever he went through for the rest of his life. For a second, when the smaller boy turns his brown eyes on Percy, they're impossibly sad. Their lack of the usual fire makes something ache in Percy's chest. "I'm sorry."
A small smile quirks up one side of Leo's mouth, though it's not a gesture of happiness. "Don't apologise," he teases, before turning his gaze to the star-freckled sky above them. "There's nothing for you to be sorry for, anyway."
"I could've noticed," Percy says immediately. "I should have noticed, since we spent so long together on the Argo."
Leo snorts a bit. "Hero to the end, huh? Seriously, though, don't worry about it. I've had years to figure out how to get by without people giving me their pity. I don't want it."
Percy didn't think he was imagining that what Leo really meant was, "I don't deserve it".
"But I—" he starts.
"Perce, my man," Leo cuts him off, shifting a bit in the sand. "Don't take this the wrong way or anything, but…we aren't exactly friends. I mean, we're friends, but we're not friends, y'know? You don't owe me anything."
Percy opens his mouth to rebuke him, but stops.
He's…not wrong. Even if they'd been on a quest together for months, Percy can count on one hand the amount of times that they'd talked. With a wince, he recalls that he'd yelled at Leo the first time they'd met, which is not the ideal footing to start a friendship on. Besides, he'd always seemed close enough with Jason and Piper– even Hazel at times– and it wasn't as if the son of Hephaestus had culminated their relationship, either.
It's both of their faults, Percy concludes, and also neither of them.
But it's not something unfixable.
So, with salt spray in the air and the night sky as a witness, Percy extends a hand to Leo. "Then let's try again," he says, a tiny smile dancing on his lips. "Hi, I'm Percy."
Leo actually laughs. It's not the loud and confident sound Percy's heard before, but a small, genuine and happy thing. Percy's smile grows into a grin, and something warm lights in his chest as Leo accepts his hand. He gives it a sarcastic shake and says, "Valdez. Leo Valdez." he raises an eyebrow. "Fancy meeting you here."
It's Percy who laughs this time, and he flops backwards into the cool sand, arms stretched above his head. He tucks them under his head a second later. Turning his face back towards Leo, he's just in time to catch the wistful look crossing his features. A heartbeat later, however, the son of Hephaestus' shoulders relax, and his face smooths over to something that could be described as content.
Percy traces the constellations above with his mind, connecting the glowing dots with invisible lines to form a picture not so easily seen. He lets his eyes slip closed, aware of the warmth of an old and new friend sitting next to him, and thinks, we'll be okay.
A/N: the way rick cheated us out of found family smh. all of the seven's friendships deserved more development honestly. leo and percy are just so Similar that it hurts my soul to see their minimal interactions
thank you for reading! let me know if you enjoyed 3