Juliet, Nick, and The Eds busted into a classroom, Juliet looking around and checking for zombies while Eddy and Nick were in the middle of a topical conversation.
"What do you mean Lili Rochefort's a lesbian?!" Nick demanded.
"Have you ever met the chick? You don't get more anti-sperm than THAT." Eddy argued. "Let's look at the facts here: She's obsessed with and constantly chases Asuka, she has shown slim to no interest in any guy in the series as long as she's been in it and if you get the game Queen's Gate: Spiral Chaos, albeit it's Japanese only, almost every movie clip she's in, she's staring and fawning at other girls."
"Eddy, don't you have a body pillow of her in your room?" Double-D asked.
"Screw off, Sockhead! A guy can still dream, can't he?!"
Suddenly, more zombies busted into the classroom, forcing the five to spring into action. There were five zombies in total, so each of the group picked one to take out.
Juliet pounded her zombie with a barrage of kicks and pom-pom strikes before swinging her chainsaw to decapitate it. Nick football tackled his zombie and slammed it into a wall before kicking it in the groin, making its head pop off. Eddy unloaded a few rounds from his revolvers into his zombie and then finished with a sword slice down the middle. Double-D sliced off his zombie's arms and then decapitated it swiftly while Ed took out the Heavy Assault Rifle and fired the Micro Missile attachment, the miniature missiles sticking to his zombie before exploding, gibbing it.
"It's lunchtime!" Another zombie shouted as it barged into the room, only for Nick to take care of it.
"Another stupid zombie!" He said, punching it in the face, shattering its skull. ONE PAWNCH!
"Whoo, nice shot!" Eddy whistled as the group exited the classroom and walked through the hall, only for the roof to explode for no good reason other than to hammer in the whole zombie disaster schtick.
"How terribly inconvenient!" Double-D noted.
"We can still get through in here," Juliet said, walking through a door. It looked like an average class that hadn't been infected when suddenly, Juliet recognized the teacher. "Hey, it's Mr. Fitzgibbon!"
"I'm Fitzgibbon, bitch!" He roared, revealing himself to be a zombie as he ordered his zombie students to attack. "We've got a Math test today."
"Sweet! I always wanted an excuse to kill him!" Eddy cackled.
Double-D sighed, upset he had to kill one of his teachers as he readied his lightsaber and sliced the zombie closest to him in half. Ed rushed in and clapped his hands over the next zombie's head, turning it into chunky red paste. Juliet did a fancy combo to kill two more and Nick kicked the last one in the face.
"This kind of Math sucks!" Nick said. Preach it, brother!
"Test time!" Mr. Fitzgibbon said, at which point eight more zombies burst into the room.
"Oh, you got some more little friends? Well so do I!" Eddy grinned ferally as he readied Fat Daddy and Big Mama, crossing them together before squeezing on the triggers, charging up a shot that built up into a ball of energy before firing it, scattering all the zombies in pieces.
"Hey, you should've left some for us!" Juliet said teasingly.
"No talking!" Mr. Fitzgibbon shouted before jumping out of a window. "Alright, study time!"
"Weak!" Eddy groaned.
"Honestly, it's dishonorable to run from a fight you instigated." Double-D huffed.
"Yeah, total bitch-ass move." Nick voiced in agreement.
The five friends continued into the hall and noticed a bunch of students getting massacred by the zombies. One student burst out of a classroom, holding a zombie back, threw him to the ground, kicked another one in the chest, and punched another one in the face. Truly an admirable display of strength but eventually, he was overpowered and tackled to the ground.
"Okay, that guy definitely showed some badass moves. Let's save him before he becomes a powerful zombie." Eddy said, firing some shots from his guns.
Juliet and Nick took the zombies up close while The Eds went to deal with the ones attacking the boy.
"SLAPPY!" Ed said, slapping the zombie twice across the face before grabbing its head and twisting its neck 180 degrees backward with a satisfying SNAP!
"That was awesome, dude!" The now-rescued boy said, tossing some coins before inexplicably teleporting away to safety.
If that wasn't weird and defying logic already, two arrows appeared in front of two doors.
"I call the one where the boss is!" Eddy said, going into the first room where two zombies had a guy cornered.
"I fucked up my Math test! I need help!"
"Hey, lay off that guy!"
The zombies turned just in time to have caps put in their foreheads by Eddy's guns, which he twirled before blowing the smoke off. However, he couldn't celebrate just yet as Mr. Fitzgibbon crashed through the window.
"Do your homework!"
"You gave me a 'D' last week, so this is personal!" Eddy sneered as Mr. Fitzgibbon picked up a desk and swung it at him, only for it to be sliced in half by Rich Bich's revved-up blade, followed by him decapitating the zombified teacher with a single swing.
"You're getting a 'C-', asshole!"
"Better than last week's grade!" Eddy spat as he kicked the head out the window spitefully.
After making sure the guy he rescued was okay, Eddy went back out into the halls to see Juliet, Nick, Ed, and Double-D having finished the other classroom.
"You look like you had some fun," Juliet noted.
"Yeah, we're gonna need a new Math teacher after this is over."
Before more could be said, the five noticed a zombie walking nearby...only it had fucking dynamite wrapped around its waist that was rapidly ticking down, and then...BOOM!
When the dust cleared...there wasn't much damage except a hole in one of the windows. Wow, what kind of weak-ass explosions are those?!
"Fuck! I think that zombie seriously had dynamite strapped to it!" Nick cursed.
"Why would somebody do that?" Juliet asked.
"Whoever caused this outbreak clearly has lots of supplies on hand..." Double-D noted.
The five friends jumped out of the destroyed wall to the lower floor to find some police officers shooting the zombies, only for a bus to crash through the wall from outside, blocking the group's was blocking down one end of the hall.
"That'll make the 5:00 News." Nick sarcastically commented.
The group turned around to see the other path led to a dead end.
"We need to break through that wall. Any ideas?" Juliet asked.
Eddy patted Ed's shoulder. "Ed, battering ram time!"
"LET'S RUMBLE!" Ed shouted as he bulldozed through the wall with his sheer inertia, leaving a giant hole for the others to follow through.
"I will never fucking get used to how Ed just defies the laws of physics like that," Nick said.
Double-D sighed as he patted him on the back. "Trust me, Nick. It's best not to question these things sometimes."
"Hey look, there's a store!" Juliet pointed out as the group saw a Chop-2-Shop store waiting right in front of them past the hole Ed made.
"Well Nick, it's time for us to give you some major firepower!" Eddy smirked as he approached the store and threw down some coins.
What followed was reality being fucked over as three weapons suddenly formed out of thin air. The first was a modified Blunderbuss with an aerosol can and a wire providing the flaming tip, and a signature pair of "brass balls" at the base containing modified, highly flammable ammunition.
The second was what looked like a motorized crossbow with vinyl records as ammo instead of the traditional bolts. The front launching mechanism and the record holder "magazine" also appeared to be made of two flexible parts.
The third and final weapon was a straightforward hand cannon magnum revolver. Eddy then handed the three weapons to Nick, who looked at them in confusion.
"Uh...what the hell am I supposed to do with these?"
Allow me to handle this, people. Alright, jackass, the first weapon is the Flaming Compensator; Compensate for your lack of accuracy with this shotgun-style weapon that sets enemies on FIRE!
"Uh, the narrator is talking to me..." Nick awkwardly pointed out the obvious.
Next is the High Fidelity; as you can see, physical media is still good for something in this day and age. These vinyl records bounce off objects and can hit multiple enemies with the same shot!
"Just let them finish." Double-D casually said.
And lastly, the Dirty Harry! No relation to the movie, by the way! You'll feel lucky using this hand cannon to send bitch-ass enemies to the grave!
"Okay, I think I get it..." Nick said as he stored away the High Fidelity and Flaming Compensator, settling with using the Dirty Harry for now.
"Don't worry, we'll give you a crash course," Eddy said before handing Nick a pair of sais with Deadpool's logo on the handles. "And here, a little gift from a certain Merc with a Mouth, free of charge."
Yeah, don't worry, Deadpool had a copy of those from the other Lollipop Chainsaw crossover fanfic. Anyway, Juliet also got something from the Chop-2-Shop store; a cosplay of Shiro from Deadman Wonderland.
"How does it look, boys?" She asked, striking a sexy pose.
"I, uh... holy shit," Nick said, baffled.
"Juliet, please..." Double-D coughed into his fist, blushing slightly.
"Shake that thing!" Eddy grinned pervertedly.
"Onward, noble comrades!" Ed said, not distracted by the sexiness in the slightest as he pointed toward where the group needed to go next.
After saving another student from a small horde ganging up on him, the gate in front of them was lifted up by a teacher zombie, allowing more zombies to come through.
"Where's my apple?!"
"Here you go, sir!" Ed said happily as he aimed the Super Shotgun and fired a powerful devastating buckshot that reduced the teacher's head to bloody diarrhea. Nick used his new Dirty Harry and fired a shot at an approaching zombie, the kickback knocking him on his ass but blasting a giant hole in the bastard's torso.
"Geez! These things should come with a training guide!"
"Come on, Nick. Now isn't the time to be sitting on your ass!" Juliet scolded her boyfriend, who nodded as he got back up and began firing more shots, this time managing to stay on his feet.
Ed then lifted the gate up so everyone could get through, only for a bullet to bounce off the chestplate of his Praetor Suit. The group noticed it was a zombified cop holding a smoking revolver.
"To the chair with you!"
"Zombie Cop. Fucking lame." Nick said bitterly.
"A zombie with a gun? No fair!" Juliet snapped.
"So what? We have guns!" Eddy said.
"So do I." Double-D said as he spun his lightsaber, which turned into a high-tech laser pistol and fired a searing bolt of plasma that cleaved the zombie policeman's head in two.
"Okay, you've got a lightsaber that's also a fucking ray gun," Nick noted exasperatedly. "Is there any other crazy Doctor Who/Rick & Morty shit you have on you, Double-D?"
"You'd be surprised." Double-D playfully smiled.
The group headed toward the door they thought was the way to go, Juliet cutting through it with her chainsaw before kicking open an opening, only to see it was a dead end. Oh well, at least they saved a survivor and-Oh come the fuck on, that bomb zombie just came out of nowhere and blew up on him!
"Oh, man! Their bodies are wrapped with bombs!" Nick said.
"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock!" Eddy sarcastically snapped.
"We need to hit 'em and run away before they explode! FUN!" Juliet giggled.
"How is that FUN?!" Nick demanded.
Ed stood in front of the others and a small little launcher emerged from his shoulder plate, which fired a grenade that rolled up to some other bomb zombies and then exploded, causing a chain reaction that made an opening for the gang to get through.
Unfortunately, a bus being driven by a zombie came crashing through, only for Ed to run in front of it and deliver a powerful punch that caused the entire bus to fall apart on impact, the zombie driver flying out of it before being decapitated by Eddy.
"Man, you are so strong, it's not even funny!" Juliet said.
The five moved forward, immediately seeing a girl hanging onto the windowsill of a classroom with one hand for dear life.
"I'm impressed the average person can do that," Double-D said. "I can barely hold on for more than a few seconds at a time."
"Yeah, we all know about your weak nerd arms, Double-D." Eddy snarkily commented.
The five killed them quickly just before a zombie pulled the poor girl up.
"This is ass!" He shouted, blowing up the entire upper level.
"Whoa!" Juliet cried.
"Ah! Watch out!" Nick yelled.
"EVIL TIM HAS BECKONED US!" Ed screamed.
"Oh, my lord!" Double-D panicked, clutching his ears.
"JESUS!" Eddy yelped, ducking down while covering his head.
With no other option, the group backtracked and with help from Ed, boosted up to the upper levels.
"Look what those jerks did to our school!" Juliet said angrily.
"Yeah, but it DOES get me out of my Calculus homework on Friday," Nick said.
"Amen to that, brother!" Eddy said, sharing a fistbump with Nick.
I never did Calculus in school but I've heard from a lot of people that it's Hell on Earth. Man, I am so glad I've already graduated...
The five saw two students trying to open up the green gate, they managed to get it up, but one of them screamed as the hall behind them blew up, closing the door as he and his friend fled.
"Ah! I'll be back for you!" The other guy called out.
"Uncool, asshole!" Nick angrily said.
Juliet and Double-D quickly went into the side room and rescued some students who had dynamite strapped to them.
"Oh dear, we'll save you!" Double-D said, only for a zombie with dynamite strapped to him and a female flaming zombie to run up to embrace each other...and they both exploded.
"Well, they say love is blind sometimes." Juliet shrugged.
"Love can also be dumb," Eddy noted.
A pipe was knocked down in the ensuing explosion now propped up like a stripper pole.
"Ooh, this will be fun!" Juliet said, jumping onto it and spinning with her chainsaw outstretched.
"Oh crap, that is so fucking hot!" Nick exclaimed.
"Whoooo!" Eddy cheered.
"MAMBO!" Ed said, dancing with glow sticks in his hands that he pulled out of...somewhere.
After Juliet took out all the zombies, Double-D got to work disarming the explosives strapped to the rescued students, who gave the mandatory coins and teleported away to safety.
The five friends went back to the gate and Juliet cut through it with her chainsaw before kicking an opening for them to go through. It was then the kid that closed the gate on them earlier suddenly came out of a classroom, with dynamite strapped to him as a flaming zombie grabbed him from behind.
"Let's study together!" She said before they both blew up.
"That dude got what he deserved," Nick said.
"Nick, show some compassion. They are terrified for their lives. You think they've been in a zombie apocalypse before?" Double-D scolded.
"Double-D's right. We can't just let them all die." Juliet voiced in agreement.
"Bad Nick!" Ed scolded.
"Or we COULD." Eddy pointed out.
Regardless, the five saved the other guy from the zombies and continued on their way, cutting through another green gate before the floor in front of them suddenly blew up and revealed many zombies on the floor below.
"So what are we gonna do now?" Nick asked.
"Watch me, boys!" Juliet beamed, jumping on the zombie's head and hopping from one to another, cheering. "Ready? Okay! Undead, we slay! Go! San! Ro! Mer! Ro!"
With one last bounce, Juliet landed and struck a pose as all the zombies she jumped off of had their heads suddenly explode in an epic sparkly explosion of AWESOMENESS!
"If it bleeds, I can kill it!"
"Predator!" Ed cheered, getting the reference.
"Of course, you get it, Lumpy." Eddy said playfully, rolling his eyes as the boys jumped down after Juliet.
"So, where are we going?" Nick asked as he ran up beside Juliet.
"I need to find Morikawa-sensei! He'll know what to do."
"Who?"
"Morikawa-sensei! He's my sensei!"
"Mine too!" Ed smiled.
"A sensei? You mean like a teacher?" Nick asked.
"I DIDN'T KNOW YOU SPOKE JAPANESE, NICK!" Juliet gushed excitedly.
"Well, I-." Nick started, before Juliet interrupted... In Japanese.
Wā sugoi watashi mo nihongo wa hanashi masu!"
"I can't speak Japanese, Juliet, I just know that one word."
"Aww! Your simple innocence is one of the most attractive things about you!" Juliet cooed. "You're like a kitten! A kitten that doesn't speak Japanese!"
"You really reeled her in, Nicky-Boy." Eddy smirked. "She's a keeper, and I should know."
The group proceeded to the trophy room and found a door leading to the gym.
"There's something written, guys!" Ed said, pointing at the words on the door.
"It says Zombie Basketball. Time Limit: 3 minutes. You lose and...blam!" Nick read.
"Sounds like fun! Let's play!" Eddy grinned as he kicked the doors down, the five running into the gym to find the game had already started.
"No time to prepare! I don't do well under pressure!" Double-D cried.
"Zombie Basketball! Time your killing of zombies! How many points can you rack up?" Some tool over the loudspeaker said. Hey! I'm the one doing the announcing and narrating here, fucker!
"Basketball? Why Basketball?" Nick asked.
"Time to get to work, boys!" Juliet said as the five sprung into action.
Nick used his sais to punch the heads into the hoops, Juliet, Double-D, and Eddy sliced off their heads into the hoops, and Ed just ripped off several heads and carried them around before slam dunking them all through the hoop.
"Wow! What a turnaround! The zombies are getting slaughtered! Incredible game, everyone! Can't wait to see you in action again!" The loudspeaker said, and then it started raining coins.
"OH YEAH BABY! BURY ME IN THAT SHIT!" Eddy cried in ecstasy as he fell back and began making money angels.
After collecting all the coins, the team went into the next room that had been opened to them, only to find a zombie pushed in on a wheelbarrow, wrapped from head to toe in dynamite.
"Mommy!"
"RUN AWAY!" Ed screamed as he picked up his friends and ran out of the room as fast as he could, jumping to clear the explosion behind them.
"Put us down, Lumpy!" Eddy grumbled as Ed let everyone go after making sure they were safe.
The group continued on their way, entering another classroom and killing more zombies. Nick tried out the Flaming Compensator and watched as the zombies he hit were lit on fire, flailing around on the ground before expiring.
"Damn, at least it's better than the still-living burning zombies!"
Suddenly, zombie cops burst in and began shooting up the place. Ed took cover behind an upturned table and returned fire with his Heavy Assault Rifle.
"Hey, it's dead Starsky and Hutch!" Nick commented as he joined Ed behind cover, firing with the Dirty Harry.
"You have no respect for the badge! I'm gonna eff you up!" Juliet said as she decapitated the zombies with a swing of her chainsaw.
"Now I hate you more than Carrot Top!" The girl cop said as she died.
"Who the hell is Carrot Top?" Eddy asked.
The gang got through the next door and had to kill even more zombies. This time, Nick tried out the High Fidelity and watched as the vinyl discs ricocheted off the walls, decapitating the zombies in its path.
"Okay, I'll admit, these things are fucking awesome!" Nick admitted.
The group soon made their way to the cafeteria, finding an old man perched on the rail of a balcony.
"Sensei!" Juliet and Ed said.
"Ah, Juliet! Ed! One moment, please!" He said, then jumped into the air, zombies spiraling all around him, then he started slicing his knives and cutting them into pieces when he was done.
Sushi Master, Junji Morikawa
Age: 77
Hometown: Tokyo, Japan
Favorite Food: Sea Urchin
Hobbies: Karate, The Kama Sutra, Collecting Women's underwear
"He's a good man, but..." Double-D sighed.
"Our teacher, Morikawa-Sensei is the most amazing veteran zombie hunter ever!" Juliet explained to Nick.
"It's true. I've studied the Zomboid Sciences for 40 years." He said, then laughed maniacally. "Listen! All of you! The school is in dire trouble! My research tells me something has gone wrong on a cosmic scale!"
"That's a massive bummer," Juliet said sadly.
"That completely sucks," Nick said flatly.
"Trouble! Bad! Big!" Ed panicked.
"Oh, my lord!" Double-D gasped.
"That's not good!" Eddy frowned.
"Let me show you!" Morikawa-Sensei said, pulling out a map. "Our universe is composed of 3 dimensions: The Land Beyond Words, The Rotten World, and our Dimension, Earth. There are dimensional walls between each. Using black magic and explosives, someone cracked the gate between here and Rotten World and the gases of Rotten World seeped into our world."
"That explains the abundance of zombies..." Double-D noted.
"Your friends and fellow students inhaled these gasses, which transformed them into the undead." Morikawa-Sensei continued. "Well, whoever whoever is behind this may be trying to open a permanent gate between here and Rotten World! Which would be catastrophic."
"Yeah, a world full of zombies from Hell, that's definitely not good." Eddy said.
"Unfortunately, once they become zombies, there is no return." Morikawa-Sensei said. "All we can do is clean up the school, kill the undead, and stop the bomber. That is our mission!"
"Sounds like fun to me." Eddy grinned.
"The bomber is either in the cafeteria downstairs or the courtyard. You destroy the zombies in the cafeteria, I shall look in the courtyard!"
"Hai, Sensei!" Ed and Juliet said, bowing their heads.
"I'm counting on you five! KILL THE MOTHERFUCKAS!" Morikawa-Sensei shouted, jumping into the air and teleporting.
"Mission Start!" Ed said, cocking his Combat Shotgun.
We'll stop here so that next chapter, we are properly introduced to the Big Bad of this story and the first boss of the game at the same time!
Also, yes, I gave Nick the weapons from Sunset Overdrive, sue me.