A second later we are in front of our cottage, in the countryside. The air is so still, everything is so quiet that dazzle me after the charge of emotions accumulated.
Ron moves swiftly beside me toward the door, leaving it open for me. But the momentary dizziness is gone as soon as I see him.
'How did you dare?' I bark slamming the door behind me 'How could you be so utterly heartless?! The man lost his wife!'
He turns toward me aggressively 'I know! It was my sister, for god's sake! Fuck him!' he shouts furiously and then in a more subdued tone he adds minacious 'I don't want you to see him again'
'Who the hell do you think you are to give me orders? I'll see him whenever I want to! He is a friend of mine' I bellow letting drop my bag and my wand on the floor 'You cannot prevent me'
'Did you sleep with him?' he asks under his voice getting closer.
'You are a lunatic!' I spat walking past him.
He doesn't allow me to do so.
'Did you?' he shouts taking hold of my arm and pulling me toward him.
'No, Ron, I didn't! Stop it!' I warn him shrugging his hand.
'I won't be made a fool in front of everybody, not by you and overall, not by him' he barks 'I want to know what's happened there!'
'Nothing happened there' I answer impatiently 'He is grieving, and I tried to be of some help. I kept him company so he wouldn't fall into despondency, we had walks, we chatted, and he was getting better before you'd butt in accusing him of dreadful things and making a scene over nothing'
'She was my sister! Did it ever occur to you that I may be grieving too?' he barks bitterly.
'This is not an excuse for your behaviour. You cannot accuse him of it.'
'I can and I will. She is dead only because somebody wanted to kill him. Like Fred. Am I the only one who can see a pattern here? I don't want you to be next, or my kids, or his kids for that matter.'
'I'll stay by his side. As I have always done'
He stares at me darkly 'Exactly. Like you have always done. It was already clear enough; you didn't need to make it so plain.'
'Making what so plain?' I spat enraged.
He turns from me without answering and walk steadily toward the bedroom. 'We are going to bed now, tomorrow we'll go back home. I left Hugo to Charlie.'
I follow, anger scorching me like fire. If he thinks I'm going to follow him meekly tomorrow, he is much mistaken, but I know how useless is to talk about it right now. We are getting too warm and only unpleasantness can come out of our mouths. Tomorrow with fresh mind I'll affront him again, I won't go back with him without saying goodbye to Harry and everybody else. Because I know I must return, I know it well enough. But it will be on my terms. I want to make sure Harry is not going to be left by himself. A solution must be found before I can leave.
Therefore, I don't retort, I wear my nightshirt and I prepare for the night.
I rub my face quite roughly with the cleansing milk to vent out my anger.
It's massaged steadily with the cotton pad dipped with tonic, the anger sliding at the bottom of me starting to sink under the thinking.
The moisturizer make it disappear leaving only loathe for Ron and his behaviour.
Tapping lightly the soft skin under my eyes I regain control of my emotions. I'll deal the situation calmly and rationally not swallowed by impulses dictated by feelings.
While I brush my teeth, I am again myself and some scraps of idea to adopt are already taking form.
Ron is already in bed, sitting up his back against the wall staring at me darkly while I lay in it. There is a full moon tonight that brighten the space almost as if daylight.
I rest on my side of the bed giving him my back, feeling sedate and in control, irked by his presence surely, but it's nothing I never experienced before and I know how to deal with it.
The irritation of spirit though, doesn't allow me to doze despite the incredible tiredness; adrenaline is still ringing in my veins. I know it's the same for him; I can feel his stare on my back.
And then he is behind me. Pushing his body against mine, kissing my neck. I thrust him away enraged, but he spins me toward him and began roughly to undress me. How he can possibly think I'm in the mood for this it's beyond me. I could easily kneel him in the groin and be over with it in two seconds. The temptation is almost overwhelming actually. But then I decide it's better not. If I refuse him, kneel in the groin or not, a serious confrontation will follow, with shouts and unpleasantness. Do I really want it? No. Honestly, right now, I just want to try to sleep, I'm weary, angry and I don't feel like shouting anymore. This is the easiest way to have it over quickly. So, he can show me that he is the man, that he can claim possession over my body anytime, that he is the strong one. Let's him believe it.
Therefore, I lay under him passive, I allow him to take his pleasure. It's going to last only a few minutes, and nothing is really required from me in these kinds of intercourse, nay, more submissive I am, the better.
I wait him to be finished, sending loathe vibes with all my body throughout the whole, and I hope he feels them, aware that, anyway, even if he does, it may only arouse him more.
And when he is done, I slip from under him without a word to get a shower, I wash his sweat from me disgusted by the whole affair. I don't know how long I'll be able to stand this relationship any longer. I swear to god if the children weren't there, I would have ended it already long time ago.
When I return to bed, he is still awake, he looks at me without speaking. I slip under the duvet, trying to calm myself.
The silence of the room helps me in my purpose, my mind grows calmer and clearer but just because of it sleeping becomes impossible. As soon as my mind relax, I start to think about Harry. And I picture him vividly, alone, and miserable in his bed. I can almost see him turning in it sleepless, I can almost feel his anguish, I can almost sense all the torments spinning in his head.
I cannot bear it. I cannot bear to leave him alone in his agony. It's unsupportable.
Why should I stay here close to a heartless man who I despise when I could help the loved one?
I'm going. It has been a mistake to follow Ron.
I stand up suddenly under this resolution and I start to dress.
'Where are you going?' Ron asks me, rising from the bed.
I don't dignify him with an answer. I take my jacket, I wear my shoes and I'm out of the room.
He darts behind me repeating the same question aggressively.
'You know where I am going' I say dryly taking some floopowder from the jar and throwing it into the fireplace. As soon as the flames turn in a greenish shade, I step into it.
Ron glowers at me, the fire project on him a bleak light making him look almost evil.
'If you go, it's over between us' He mutters darkly 'and I'll make sure it will be neither pleasant nor easy. I'll make everything hard for you, I'll fight you for the kids, I'll fight you for everything'
I stare in my husband's eyes and suddenly I cannot recollect not even one of the reasons that in all these years kept us together, I feel a strength brought up by loathe and I know the decision I'm about to take is the right one, I'm taking it for me but for my children as well. They suffered enough seeing their parents arguing over everything, hating each other. They deserve better. I deserve better.
'I'm ready for the fight'
And with that sentence uttered with conviction I look in his eyes for the last time, tonight he had me for the last time.
A moment later I'm shouting Harry's address and he is left there in the kitchen, as if only a shadow behind me.