Muse

by crushed2

Brittany Pierce left everything behind in Ohio in hopes of finding a new beginning in New York City, and by everything she meant her trust in people and her passion for performing. A chance encounter with a beautiful model may just change all of that.

23. Chapter 23

Life was about to get crazy. "Girl" was doing well, and because of that the label insisted that Santana not only attend Camille's party, but shake the right hands and mingle. In other words, not just an appearance, but the appearance that she and Camille were friends. They really wanted to set the frenemies stage for awards season it seems.

Santana showed up, Brittany on her arm, but once again Brittany chose to stand to the side as the cameras flashed. The timing was bad. All of this exposure before they've had the chance to make their announcement wasn't ideal.

Santana worked the room, looking hot in tight jeans and a sleeveless printed motorcycle shirt covered by a tight leather jacket, her hair curled to perfection and slightly messy, by design, as if she just finished doing something very naughty. Her makeup, dark eyes and nude lips, plump and totally kissable.

The girls were starting to go crazy for her.

Not only the girls but the guys too. Santana did her first solo photo shoot, photos for her website for when 'Girl' dropped. The photos were hot, edgy, but Santana didn't want the stereotypical biker chick photos. It felt so cliche, even if she were actually a biker chick. She often fought with her stylist, which she still insists that she doesn't need for every darn occasion because she loves the clothes in her own closet, but she's keeping her edge without becoming a stereotype, which is what she's afraid the stylist is trying to make her. "All chicks who ride bikes don't dress a certain way," Santana told her. Santana liked being versatile, and so she didn't want them to box her into a corner.

Still, she partially followed Sue's suggestion that she wear Road Rulers apparel to the party, hence the jacket. She wanted to show the company how good she looked in their clothes, and how the ladies, and the men with high hopes, liked to see her in them. It made Santana wonder again about the clothes, though. They'd have to offer her money...a whole lot of money...to take an apparel deal. She would be locked into wearing one brand of motorcycle clothing, and so she told Sue if she signed the number would have to be high enough to give her a migraine, and that the deal could only last for a short time...two years max. Also, that it would relate only to certain clothing items. She would not allow them to choose everything she puts on. She's seen their website. She can wear their stuff for two years, and then she would feel boxed in. Therefore if they want exclusivity they will have to pay, or create what Santana only said to Sue as a potential idea for way in the future, a Santana Lopez line, a line she would endorse and have some creative input in. That was way down the line, years away, but it's why Sue loved her. Santana wanted to build a brand. For now she may do a campaign, promise to wear their clothing for a short period of time, and then be done with them if she doesn't see them going to the next phase together. Either way, this endorsement will be happening soon. Another company has approached her since "Girl", but she doesn't want to start out in this business on lies and she asked them to wait for her. She would give Road Rulers the first shot, but she will not do it if the numbers aren't right.

Sue was in her "strike while the iron is hot" phase. Bike companies have also approached Santana. Santana is only into it if she can still ride her Harley. She told Sue to wait for a company that sells good crotch rockets and add a clause that doesn't prevent her from being seen on her Harley. Also, if they throw in a bike of her choice they have a better chance of seeing her ride it...she's just saying.

And so now that Brittany has finished taking the courses needed to be certified as Santana's forensic accountant Santana is ready to make money...lots and lots of money.

Camille's party was just days before her tour would launch. Santana went and schmoozed. She was overwhelmed with the reaction when she walked into the room. Sue made it her business to be there, because people would be trying to talk business with Santana, and business is her business. When things looked too intense she made her way into the conversation. Santana doesn't like to be babysat but she needs it. This is Sue's world, and as well as Santana is doing it's not her world yet. Sue's job is to see things before they're coming...and Sue sees things.

Santana mingled and even danced at the party, but she didn't stay more than 2 hours. Camille's manager is a douchebag and Santana doesn't like sharing space with him. Also, Santana thinks that Camille thinks that she's hot, which she is, but she doesn't need that from Camille. When Camille came over to dance with her Santana made sure that not only Brittany but Sue danced right in there with them. It was a group thing. Santana had a feeling her manager put her up to that, but she can't be sure. Camille seemed a lot happier than normal and more social, yet also a little off. Santana had too much going on in her own life to ask her about it. That may sound cold, but Santana is already worn thin, and Camille was just someone she worked with at this point. The party was over. She was ready to go soon after that. She was sure not to drink anything alcoholic and neither did Brittany. Both women were hit on more than once that night. Santana was over it. She was ready to go.

Sue stayed behind because there were opportunities there for Santana. Santana had done her job, and she was ready to take her lady home. Sue made sure that Santana's bike was brought out front so that she could be seen jumping on, Brittany looking hot and holding her tight, as she rode off. It was all part of Sue's plan. She didn't want them to see her arrive, her helmet would mess up her hair. Leaving though...a hot blonde, their hair blowing back in the wind...yeah, Sue could live with that image.

"Deeper" was stalled at number two on the charts. It hasn't dropped, but that number one spot, well Beyonce has it right now and she doesn't give those up easily. Santana can live with that, but Camille is having a harder time with it. Her single is slowing its rise up the charts as well...it's a respectable number 7, but 'Girl' is blazing up the charts, and Camille's manager is not a happy boy. 'Girl' has already cracked the top 10 after only a week. It's at number nine on the pop charts, number 4 on the dance club charts, and showing no signs of slowing down. As a matter of fact Santana and Brittany are meeting Nani and Lexi at the club the next night just to dance to it, to celebrate its success, but more importantly to relax and catch up, because Sue says she's going to have to get out and promote 'Girl' soon since it's doing better than expected.

Relaxation was much needed. After Brittany's family left the ladies had a deep conversation. Santana still felt a way about them all cramping up in Brittany's place when Santana had the means to make that situation so much easier for Brittany. With the rollaway beds it turned out rather nice, and Brittany has decided she is going to keep them rather than store them in Santana's basement because they may just come in handy again. Brittany just wanted to see what her aunt was about before she invited her into Santana's sacred space. She didn't trust her, not because of anything she's ever done, but because her and her mother share the same blood, grew up in the same house with the same parents, and she doesn't know that woman. For all she knows she could have been there to cause her pain, even though not only Stan but her gut told her that wasn't the case. Still, baby steps, because Gail had wounded her deeply. She had taken away her trust in people. She's gaining it again, slowly, but the world would simply have to put up with her paranoia until she found it. Santana understood paranoia, and so she did what she always tried to do...support Brittany's decisions.

Still, Brittany had managed to begin to form a relationship with the woman. She even spoke to her grandparents and cousins on the phone, which she hadn't done in years. Maybe she would gain an entire family. Maybe she wouldn't want to be involved with all of them. It's hard, jumping into a family in the middle of things, not knowing the personalities or the dynamics, still worrying that anyone who dares to love you may inherit the wrath of an unstable mother. She's not sure she wants more than an opening. She just wants to know them, know that they're open to her. There's something about being able to say you have a family. She's not asking for anything but to belong to someone, someone who doesn't want to see her get hurt. she wants her own people to share, like Santana has. Santana has shared her family and friends. She wants to feel like she brings special people into her significant other's life as well. Not just an awesome fur baby, but actual human beings. so far all she's offered Santana is a man who may be dying and a step sister she barely knows. Still, she knows in her heart it's enough, because all Santana wants is her.

With the party over, "Girl" released, initial contact made with Brittany's family, and "Stronger than Shame" taking shape Santana knew that this weekend would be all she had for a while, and so she took the moment to call Nani to hang out...but also told her that they needed to talk. She was happy with how things were going with them, but she also knows that there's still a tension between them, which was to be expected. It would take time, and Nani getting used to things, but if Lexi is giving her what she needs in and out of the bedroom Santana knows that what they had will soon become a memory of the distant past. Brittany no longer worries about what Santana and Lexi had but it's very different. Brittany also never really saw what they had, heard what they had, talked to them as they described their relationship while it was ongoing. Brittany wasn't subjected to the full Santana and Lexi show.

Nani now accepts that she was never the second choice, she was someone that Lexi never knew was an option. She herself never knew that she was an option. She always wondered what a night with Sexy Lexi would be like, but she never wondered what a life with her would be like. She did, however, wonder what a life for Santana and Lexi would be like if they tried for something more, and all she could imagine was mind blowing sex between the two and a nice friendship. It's the energy they carried. Now she wonders if that's because they're both just good at it and together they're like a super team. She knows that Lexi is good at it, fucking amazing at it. She's heard plenty of stories about Santana. Lately, she doesn't think about the two of them together so much anymore. It could be because they haven't all been in a room together much, or it could be because she's coming to terms with it all.

Or it could be the sex. Nani has never been this sexually satisfied. Sexy Lexi...she has this air about her. Pure, unadulterated pleasure. It's like an unspoken promise she makes when she has her sights on you. She moves like sex. She sounds like sex. She looks at you like she's fucking you down when she talks to you. Sometimes Nani wishes she could turn it down. Women are drawn to Lexi, and Nani can't blame them.

Still, she wants to beat their asses when they pursue it.

But Lexi tells her not to worry about it. Lexi says she has to trust her, not those women, and Lexi says she's had more than enough meaningless sex with amazingly beautiful women not to be tempted by a pretty face or a sexy body. Nani believes her. She believes her because she has known her for years.

She also believes Santana and Lexi more than ever, now that her head has cleared. Santana and Lexi never came off as romantic. Sexual...yes. Great friends...yes. But romantic...no. She has seen Santana in love...seen Santana with Dani, and a more mature Santana with Brittany. Santana was never like that with Lexi. She had never seen Lexi in love, but she thinks that she's seeing it for the first time now, and it doesn't look like what she and Santana had. Nani is getting past it all, but there are things that are taking Nani longer to get past.

Lexi loves Nani's loyalty, but it's a blessing and a curse. Nani is protective of those she loves, those she feels responsible for, and she felt responsible for Kevin's pain. It's only been a couple of months and he's taking it hard, but Lexi is and has always been straight forward to a fault...and Lexi said she's sick of Kevin and his bullshit.

Nani knows that she's right, but she's torn. She doesn't think he's manipulating her, she knows him, she spent years with him, and she broke him. He's in a dark place, and she sent him there. She once loved him madly, and hurting him has hurt her deep inside. She really does believe he loved her and would have tried to change, but she was just over it. Still, she gets calls from him, calls from his family and friends, and she doesn't like what she's hearing. She's scared for the big guy, and she's starting to wonder about his mental health. She's run into him and he doesn't look like himself. She doesn't know what to do, and she feels angry when Lexi tells her to do nothing, because this is not her problem.

Lexi doesn't give ultimatums, not yet at least, but she has made it known that he's causing a strain and Nani got defensive. Nani says she puts up with running into the plethora of women that Lexi has fucked in ways that Nani can now imagine and Lexi countered with the truth...she had never proposed to any of those women. Lexi says that he's emotionally manipulating her even if he isn't doing it on purpose and that he has enough people around him that should be supporting him in moving on. Nani knows she's right, but the guilt is killing her. Lexi is sympathetic, but she wants Kevin gone, and she wants Nani to be the one to do it. Nani has to be the one to do it.

And so the very thing that Lexi found sexy about Nani is the very thing that threatens their relationship. The irony of it all. Nani is not used to being challenged in this way. Kevin and Nani had this ease, which Lexi says is because they had no spark. Lexi is a passionate woman in every way, and it's the thing that Nani finds so sexy. Now it's the thing that's challenging them.

The irony of it all.

Still, Nani loves Lexi, and she knows that Lexi loves her. She tells her. She shows her, in the dark and in the light. Nani feels it, when Lexi looks at her as she makes love to her like her whole entire world exists in making Nani feel good, feel loved, feel appreciated. It's worth it. Everything is worth it. Lexi makes her feel like all of the stars in the sky. She knows what she wants, who she wants, and she makes it clear to Lexi, when she whispers "I love yous" in her ear as Lexi rises and falls and calls her star, her star, her whole entire galaxy.

But Kevin says he doesn't feel like living sometimes, and Nani believes him. Something in her gut tells her to be afraid for him. Kevin has had breakups in his life before but his family, his friends, people who have known him far longer than Nani has...they say they've never seen him like this and they're worried. Nani is worried too, and it's why it's so hard to finally break the tie. If something happens to him, that stain is on her soul, and she knows that she'll never be able to wash it clean. This is not the Kevin she knows. This is not a Kevin that anyone knows. She's afraid, and she's afraid to let anyone know how truly troubled this all makes her feel. She's starting to wonder if something had been going on with him for a while and she just failed to see it because she was so unhappy in their relationship, so focused on her own feelings and emotions. He had changed, had checked out, and she thought it had something to do with her, with his lack of love for her, or with complacency. What if it was much more? What if she missed something huge right in front of her eyes? She's having a hard time, and she's glad she has Santana back, because she needs to talk to her now more than maybe ever before.

Santana was excited. She couldn't wait to just party the night away. She also knew that eyes would be on her. Cameras would be on her. This was her new reality. Even when it's a space where so many people know her, where she has danced so many nights away, there would be people there that don't know her, and even some who do, who will treat her differently now that she's on the radio. It's ridiculous really, but it's celebrity culture, and Santana is becoming a celebrity. So no drinking tonight. No angry Snixx tonight, no handsy ex hookups tonight saying extra friendly hellos tonight. No scandals before the scandal.

Nani called Santana to let her know that they were on the way to the club. Santana informed Brittany, who put the finishing touches on her hair as Santana applied her lip gloss... They both felt great, having a night out. Brittany hoped that this would help Santana settle down, that she would relax, enjoy life, and maybe even enjoy that late night snack with Nani. She didn't know if she should say anything or if she should just keep a watch on her, but Santana was steadily dropping weight, and there wasn't much that Brittany could do because she spent so much time away from home.

She wondered if it was in her mind. She was just so worried about her, and life wasn't about to get easier. Just the opposite.

This was the calm before the storm.

"You look amazing, doll," Santana said as they made their way to her bike.

"So do you, honey," Brittany smiled.

The pair hopped on Santana's bike and made their way through the chilly New York streets. When the pair arrived at the club Santana stood in line and was almost instantly pulled from the line by the bouncer and escorted inside. Initially she had declined the special treatment. It never took her long to get inside but the bouncer insisted. He didn't want any chaos on his lines, even if Santana didn't think she was capable of causing chaos. Still, people were beginning to know who she was, and people on the line would either start moving and leaving their spots or someone walking on the street would see her and then they would have people that normally wouldn't be there trying to get in. The bouncer was used to dealing with all sorts of situations, and from past knowledge he knew how people could get when something exciting would happen on a mundane Saturday night. It was hard for Santana to accept that she was becoming something exciting.

Sue, however, would have killed her for not accepting the offer. Sue is trying to get her to embrace the fact that she is rising up the celebrity food chain. She can be down to Earth all she wants, but some things she will have to embrace. This type of thing may be one of them and it should be. Sue wants her to be too big to stand on a line, especially outside of a gay space.

Santana took Brittany's hand and went inside.

Once inside Santana was greeted by the assistant manager, who offered her a space in the VIP section. Santana declined, and she wasn't giving in on this one. She did not come there to spend a ton of money, although her bank account was looking healthier by the week. She came there to dance, to laugh with some of her favorite people, and to let them get as drunk as they wanted and treat them, but not to VIP expectations. She wanted a normal night, and skipping the line was as out of the box as she was willing to go.

She did pick one of the more private tables though, which the club would make it their business to prevent anyone else from sitting there. They simply sat a "reserved" sign on the table and they would shoo away anyone who dared to sit there that wasn't a part of Santana's small party. Santana assured them that she wouldn't likely be inviting anyone to join them, that it was a party of four. Many in the club already were familiar with Santana and Lexi. They came through often the past few years. Regulars were familiar with them. This was their space, and Santana was counting on that for a relaxing night.

Santana settled in with Brittany as they waited for Lexi and Nani to arrive. Santana ordered an Arnold Palmer because of her love for lemonade and iced tea mixed, even though technically she likes to mix it herself because so many people get such a simple thing wrong, she says. Brittany opted for a virgin mojito. They sat and chatted, and Santana loved the way that Brittany's eyes kept roaming to the dance floor.

"Wanna dance, doll?" Santana smiled.

"No, I'll wait for the others," Brittany said.

"You don't have to. They'll find us there."

"No, it's okay. Just enjoying being out with you. It's starting to finally feel like winter. Not too much snow so far but getting cold."

"We could have taken a cab, doll." Santana said sadly.

"No, I like to see you ride, and it's such a short ride. You don't get to do that anymore, it's been weeks..."

"Months," Santana interjected sadly.

"You need the road, Santana."

"Daughter of a Wolf and a warrioress" Santana smiled, reciting a line from "Stronger than Shame."

"Yes you are," Brittany smiled.

"But I'm alright, Britt. This night..getting to see Nani face to face, getting to see Lexi, getting to see you dance, it's just what I need."

"Understandable"

"So next time I'll call a cab..."

"Nope, because I love climbing behind you and snuggling close on the bike you ride just because you wanted me behind you."

"It's kind of a flex to get a rider to give up their bike. You're something special, Ohio."

"Thanks New York," Brittany smiled.

Soon after Nani and Lexi arrived. Nani called Santana who told her where she could find them. Soon after Santana spotted them and waved them over with a big smile. She loved to see the way Lexi held Nani's hand firmly, announcing to the world that they were together. If Nani ever doubted who she was to Lexi that was a sure sign. Lexi might take a woman's hand for a moment to guide her somewhere, but Lexi did not walk and hold hands, did not claim women. Did not allow them to claim her in any way. Anyone in that club who was familiar with Lexi knew what that meant.

This was her woman, and boundaries were expected. She was letting everyone know that both of them were off limits. It made Santana happy inside.

After greetings and hugs were exchanged by all, it only took Santana a few minutes to feel the tension. Something was going on with Nani and Lexi, and by the end of the night Santana would figure it all out.

Nani looked tired and Lexi looked frustrated. They were both trying to hide it but Santana knew them both too well.

"So how have you two been?" Santana smiled.

"Good," Nani answered. "But you're the one with a million things going on. Can't wait to hear it."

"Well you're gonna wait, because I'm tired of my shit overshadowing everyone else."

"Wish the world felt like that," Lexi snarked.

"What's going on Lex?"

"Nothing. We'll talk soon ladies. Catch up with Nani. I really need to dance."

Lexi stood and kissed Nani on the cheek before making her way to the dance floor. Brittany wanted to excuse herself, but she also knew from what Santana had told her that sometimes Lexi needed to dance. She needed to dance alone, to sweat off a stressful week or an unpleasant situation. When she's ready for company she'll ask for it, welcome it, like she did the first time she slid up behind Santana on a dance floor. Other than that she'll politely let people know that she just wants to dance alone and she'll move, she'll sweat, let the sweat fall down her body, her face, and she'll let it conceal her pain. Santana knows that because this is her best friend and she acts tough, she's had to be tough, to hide the fact that people have hurt her all her life.

She's hurting, and Santana wants to know why.

"Honey, I need to use the restroom. Can I bring back any drinks for you all?" Brittany asked.

"You don't have to leave Brittany," Nani said.

"You and Santana should talk."

"No, you're family now. We're friends now. You should stay. You should stay because somebody has to stop Santana and I when we start threatening to beat the shit out of one another, and apparently my girlfriend is not up for the job tonight."

"Do you need a drink Nani?" Brittany asked.

"No."

"Just because we're not drinking doesn't mean that you can't," Santana said.

"I'm not being the sloppy cousin on TMZ. Yeah, we all need to be on high alert around you these days, Simon."

"Maybe, and don't call me Simon on TMZ."

"Depends on how tonight goes," Nani sighed.

"What's happening, Pu?"

"We're having a difference of opinions regarding loyalty."

"What the fuck does that mean? I know neither one of you are cheating so what else could it be?" Santana asked.

"Kevin"

"Kevin what?"

"He's having a real hard time, Simon. He's not handling the breakup well, but that's an understatement. Something is really wrong, Santana. Like, I'm scared for him."

"What do you mean?"

"He's depressed, the kind of depressed where you worry. He's not sleeping well. His appearance..."

"You're still seeing him?" Santana asked.

"No, we both work in education. We run into one another occasionally."

"Okay"

"We talk, more than Lexi would like."

"Understandable"

"Lexi feels like Kevin and the people around him are pressuring me to be responsible for him."

"Well I haven't heard the whole story but it seems like it may be heading in that direction." Santana said. "So he's depressed, I've been there. I would never downplay it. Lexi has been there too. How low, I don't know, but what she's been through with her family I know it was low. I remember when her father died and she didn't know what to feel or how to feel it. Lexi has one of the best game faces out there but she feels, Pu. She feels so deeply. I know you know that."

"I do" Nani said.

"Her out there dancing, I told you a long time ago what that means. It's like she moves so the demons can't catch up to her, but they will Pu. She loves you, more than I have ever seen her love, and that's got to be scary for someone like her. She took a chance by doing that. She took a chance on you, Pu."

"I know Simon."

"Look at her, Pu." Nani looked on the dance floor where Lexi was swaying sensually to "Last Last" by Burna Boy. Nani had already been watching her. Her eyes always found her. For years her eyes always found her. She is the most magical thing Nani has ever seen.

"I see her Simon. I always see her."

"I know you do, Pu. You see her beauty, but do you see her pain?"

"I do."

"No, you don't. Remember what you told me? If you allow people to always think you're tough they'll never know when you're really beginning to feel the pain."

"She's just frustrated, maybe even angry."

"She's in pain, Pu. I know her. Known her longer than you have and yeah I'm bringing that up because it needs to be brought up. Learn her on your own, because I'll never know her like you will, but trust me when I tell you this. Think about it. Look at her, Pu."

Lexi swayed alone to the music, eyes closed, blocking out everyone around her. Those who were familiar with her at the club knew what that meant...she wasn't in the mood to socialize, wasn't in the mood to be interrupted. She just wanted it to be her and the only thing she felt understood her and soothed her in moments like this...music.

As Nani watched Lexi dance the music picked up. The DJ spun into a more up tempo dancehall beat before the song eventually transitioned to the "We a run e grung" remix by Nadg. It was what Lexi needed. She needed to move in order to exorcise her demons. Nani watched her in appreciation. She was beautiful when she moved that way.

"So you're just going to leave her on that dance floor looking and moving like that?"

"I'm letting her find her peace"

"Leaving that woman out there moving like that with this pack of wolves? How very Kevin of you."

"Thought you said Lexi wasn't a cheater, so why would I need to worry about those women?" Nani answered angrily and Santana knew she was getting under her skin.

Good!

"That's not some fucking tik tok challenge, you have you a genuine rude gyal right there and what are you doing? Nothing!" Santana said.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Go down there you buffoon!"

Brittany could see that temperatures were rising and she wasn't sure that she could handle these two alone yet. Santana was picking at a clearly jealous Nani and it wasn't helping that Lexi did look good on that dance floor. She always did, but something about her moving like this, primal, sensual, angry, scared, sweet, solitary...Brittany saw what women saw in her.

"Nani, I understand," Brittany started. "It took me a really long time to realize that I didn't owe my mother anything and that I wasn't responsible for monitoring her feelings. It doesn't make you a bad person to nurture the life you have now...the love you've found now."

"Thanks Brittany," Nani said. "I don't want Kevin back, I just don't want to leave him in pain."

"Forget it Britt," Santana said frustrated. "If one Wright cousin is going to annoy you let it be the one who is providing you with stellar sex. You're not going to change her. You have no idea who you're talking to. That's Nani Dupre, patron saint of closet cases and bitches who refuse to just be happy. You can't deal with that kind of blind loyalty."

"Fuck you, Simon."

"Fuck somebody, Pu. You need it."

"I'm getting plenty."

"You should be down there trying to get some more. You're up here with me instead of getting ready to take Lexi home and let her grind her strap down to a nub on you."

"You're a pig."

"Oink oink, baby."

"Can you two stop for a minute," Brittany sighed as both women quieted down. "Nani, I feel really bad for Kevin, and he's a really nice guy, but you don't have to put your life on hold to try and fix him, and you don't really get to ignore Lexi's feelings just because you think that he needs you. She's your girlfriend now, and if I were ignoring Santana's feelings to take care of how Jake feels you wouldn't like it. Jake is going to feel something when our story comes out, so is Dani, and Santana and I decided that we don't owe them anything even if we may feel like we do during certain moments. I know it's two different situations, but in some weird way it's the same. All of them made their own decisions for whatever reasons and it cost them their relationships with us, and just because we felt guilty or held on too long doesn't mean we don't eventually get to move on." Brittany said.

"Pu, is Lexi making you happy? Do you think you're ready to be with her?" Santana asked.

"I love her, and I'm already hers" Nani said, looking down at Lexi dance. Nani just wanted the girl to take her home and make her forget everything again just like their first time together. "I just don't know if I can live with myself if something happens to someone because I chose to ignore what they were going through."

"But what about Lexi? You're ignoring what she's going through," Santana said.

"What would you do, Santana, if things fell apart between you and Brittany and you weren't quite sure why it did? It wouldn't matter if it was what I thought, that we just grew apart, but what if mentally something was going on? If it were Brittany, even Dani I think, you would want to know for sure and help. You both literally just debated about how your decisions will affect your exes, and even if you decided not to act, you still showed concern and you both broke up with them years ago after they did something that put you both through hell. Kevin and I broke up weeks ago, and he may have been blind to my needs but he didn't cause the type of damage that put me through hell. So tell me what you would do, because I'm not the type to turn my back on people."

"You consult her, you respect her opinions, you bring her into the decisions," Brittany said quietly. "You say you love her, but she won't really, truly know it until you do that...until you show her that she's first, and that nothing, not even the mental health of your ex, means more than what you feel for her right now." Brittany said softly.

"Does your love for her mean more than anything, more than even protecting Kevin?" Santana asked.

"I don't know how to answer that without feeling like a cold hearted bitch."

"It's us, Pu," Santana said.

"I want her. I want her more than anything. I love her more than anything," Nani admitted.

"You're allowed to have selfish feelings. That doesn't make you a selfish person." Brittany said.

"Pu, if you don't go home and let that woman fuck some sense into you" Santana said seriously. "You and I, we went through a weird time and we're learning how to be us again, all so that you could have your dreams with Lexi, and I know you love me more than you love Kevin," Santana said confidently and Nani laughed.

"Yeah Simon, you're still in my top 3 favorite people."

"Top person Pu, but it's okay if you can't say it. I understand why," Santana rolled her eyes and Nani smiled, smiled because this was her Simon, and tonight felt like she was gaining more of her back, even though she felt like she had lost a bit of Lexi. They're right though, and Nani was going to go down there and let Lexi know it.

"Thank you," Nani said.

"You've got it, Pu."

Nani stood up.

"What are you going to do?"

"About Kevin, who knows? I'll be supportive in any way that makes Lexi comfortable. About Lexi? I'm going to let my girl know I love her and that I choose her...that I always chose her."

Nani made her way down to the dance floor, where Lexi was still holding court dancing to dancehall tunes. She would politely shake her head or her finger when a girl made her way into her space as she danced, and waited, for a different Wright cousin this time to hopefully make her way to the dance floor, to hopefully choose her once and for all, and to understand truly what that means for her.

Nani slid behind Lexi, her hands familiar, pulling her in and moving with her, moving with her how they move together now, with a purpose. The music was pounding and Nani could feel Lexi tense and then loosen at her touch, because she couldn't help herself, because somehow Nani always made it all better.

Nani ran her hand up Lexi's neck, causing it to fall back. She spoke possessively into her ear.

"You're mine, and I'm never letting you go," she purred into Lexi's ear. Lexi hated that she felt such a sense of relief. It's hard, hard falling in love for her. It's hard, being angry at the very thing she loves most about Nani. It's confusing, and scary, and so much easier to just fuck someone. Still, when Nani holds her close, the only thing she wants in the world is love.

"Tell me what you need Lexi," Nani continued, close to her ear. "You come first, always. I told you that, but tell me how I can prove it to you." Nani's lips found Lexi's neck and Lexi loved it, loved it in a way she never thought she could love it. "Let me take you home and prove it to you, baby."

Lexi spun around in Nani's arms and quickly brought their lips together. Santana and Brittany smiled at the scene.

"We better get out there and dance, I don't think those two will be here much longer," Brittany smiled.

"It's okay Britt," Santana smiled. "All I need is you. We'll have a night of our own. I know you look forward to dancing."

"I'd rather have the kind of night those two are going to have," Brittany smiled.

"Say less," Santana replied. "Let's get out there then. Watching you move is the best kind of foreplay for me."

Santana stood and took Brittany's hand as she led her to the dance floor. As soon as they hit the dance floor they heard the intro to "Girl" and the DJ began to speak.

"Ladies, hold your girls close. Santana Lopez is in the building."

"Well she's been waiting all night to say that," Santana rolled her eyes and Brittany laughed.

"Get used to it," Brittany said. "And start moving your ass, the girls are watching."

"I'm not working right now," Santana snarked.

"You're always working when you're in public, isn't that what Sue says?"

"Fuck Sue"

"You better not," Brittany said and Santana pulled a face. Brittany laughed.

"Come on doll, dance for mami," Santana said and Brittany laughed.

Santana and Brittany began dancing, and Lexi and Nani soon joined them. The four of them had the best time dancing to Santana's song. It was like a dream come true. Secretly, Santana didn't care for the song at first, not as something she would share with the world. The beat was fire, but the lyrics were pedestrian. She's an artist, and lyrically it's not exactly poetry. Still, she loves a good club banger, and "Girl" was a banger, and let's face it, people just want to have fun sometimes and sing a silly song. As she heard it for the first time in a club, watched the reactions of the people on the dance floor, she knew this was the right call, and she knows that following with "Stronger" will show them that she's an artist in the truest sense of the word. "Stronger" will be her redemption in many, many ways.

For now, though, Santana had to admit that this was exciting. This was her song, just hers, making noise on the charts. Something she wrote and performed. This isn't like "Deeper", her singing someone else's words on someone else's song. This was all Santana Lopez, even if it was initially meant to be tongue in cheek.

The four danced together, and it was the best time that they all had in a long time. They were young again, worry free, and this was the best times in their lives, if just for a moment.

After the song ended the ladies danced a little while longer. A few people came up and congratulated Santana, people she has known from around the club scene, people she has even been intimate with. People who just wanted to wish one of their own success. When a couple of girls became too interested in being near her the foursome called it a night, retiring to the semi privacy of the table they had been seated at.

"Simon! That was amazing!" Nani shouted over the loud music.

"You did good, mamacita," Lexi chimed in.

"Thank you," Santana smiled.

"I'm so proud of you, honey," Brittany said.

"Thanks doll. Listen, thank you all for coming out tonight, I really needed this."

"So did we."

"I promise I won't keep you out too late, but I miss this. I miss you both," Santana said in a moment of vulnerability.

"We really miss you too, Simon." Nani said.

"I'm glad that you took a little time for yourself, mamacita. I know that this is hard for you." Lexi said.

"It's what I've been working for."

"Doesn't mean that it can't be overwhelming," Nani said. "Simon, let's talk before you leave, make plans to spend some time together."

"I would really love that." Santana said, and it made both Lexi and Brittany smile.

"And it's been a long time since you and Lexi really spoke. It would make me very happy if you two got back on track as well."

"If that's okay with you, Brittany?" Lexi asked.

"Of course it is, Lexi. Santana needs as many people around her that she can trust right now, and I trust you two together. It's not a problem."

Santana smiled as Brittany looked into her eyes. Damn did she love this woman.

"Well if that's the case, you feel like coming with me to grab some drinks San?"

"I can do that, Lexi."

"Excellent," Lexi said as she and Santana both stood, going to grab another round even though they hadn't even finished what was on the table.

"What's going on Lex?" Santana asked once they reached the bar.

"I know Nani told you. You two aren't that estranged."

Santana laughed. "We're not estranged at all."

"Well it kind of felt like it, especially when Nani started calling you two coochie cousins..."

"She did what?" Santana asked frowning.

"Oh yeah, she went through a coochie cousin phase. No need to worry, I have ways of making her forget our past..."

"Gross..."

Lexi laughed, "Anyway, just wanted to know if I was being unreasonable about this Kevin thing."

"How bad is it?"

"It was one thing when Kevin was calling and crying on her shoulder, which I did not like, but it's ten times worse when family and friends start calling her telling her that he's falling apart every five minutes, which I fucking hate. I'm not a cold hearted bitch, well at least not all of the time," Lexi said and Santana laughed. "I just think it's unfair. She's not a psychologist. If the man needs help he's not her responsibility. Still, it's kind of hypocritical that what I loved the most about Nani is her unwavering loyalty and yet here I am telling her it's time to let that shit waver."

"You're human Lex, and that shit would annoy me too. I don't like it either. She gave him a chance to fight for her and her didn't. It's not her problem to worry about why he didn't She left him and she's stressed and she's rebuilding her life. She's in an apartment she hates in a town she no longer wants to be in. She's struggling giving up her job because she loves those kids. But she's found someone she loves, someone she's maybe loved for a really long time without even realizing it, and she deserves that happiness. She deserves to embrace a part of herself that she's always confined, that part that wants a woman, and you're a hell of a woman Lex. You deserve each other."

"Your cousin makes me so happy, Santana. Maybe that's why I'm so angry. Maybe I can admit it was even a bit of fear. Maybe fear even kept me from speaking to you more often...from picking up the phone and calling you just to say hi, because I didn't want Brittany to think that every time we talk we go on some weird trip down memory lane about fucking each other. More importantly, to me at least, I didn't want Nani to think that, and for a while I think that she probably did."

"She's irrational and possessive, she certainly did," Santana rolled her eyes.

"Yup, you two are so much alike," Lexi retorted.

"Damn, while the thought repulses me the vagina must be amazing with the way you're defending her. The Wright genes are downright powerful."

"You're an asshole, but you also may be on to something," Lexi shook her head and Santana laughed.

"Neither of you are wrong, but Pu may have been going about it wrong because she's between a rock and a hard place. You're right, the most beautiful thing about Pu is how much people matter to her, and you have to know in your heart that she's over Kevin and she views him as someone she will always have love for but never be in love with again. She doesn't want him in her life forever, she just doesn't want to leave him in a bad place. She's going to fix it, because she told me you're everything to her, and so she's going to fix it Lex. She's learning how to balance, just like all of us had to learn. Like all of us are still learning."

"Santana, I've always been patient with your cousin. It wasn't easy for her to allow herself to fall for me, and I'm always so moved by the fact that she took that leap for me because she cared about me so much. It was never just sex with her. If she wanted to just try sex with a woman again we had done that, and that same night she made it known to me that I wasn't a one night stand. You know how much I love a good go with a woman but I never just wanted us to be that. I've had that. I've had more than my share of that, and I was about to get your share too," Lexi smiled and Santana laughed. "Tiffany had one 'ting save ha, just one ting, mon," Lexi said, slipping into her patois accent and shaking her head. "Your cousin needs to know that if I didn't fuck Tiffany before settling down then it must be love. Some things you don't leave on the dinner plate," Lexi said and Santana laughed.

"I missed you Lex," Santana shook her head, "and I know how serious you are about Pu. I knew it when you didn't fall into old habits. By now you would have broken it off if it wasn't working..."

"I could never imagine a world where I didn't want to be with Nani."

Santana smiled. "It's so early for you two, it's all just growing pains."

"It hasn't been easy for her either..."

"What do you mean? Santana asked.

"I've had a lot of women, Santana..."

"That's a fucking understatement..."

"Shut up. Anyway, you were a huge distraction, but once she began to get past you, she had to get past the number of other women who hadn't yet gotten the memo that I was off the market or who had to hear it from the source that it was true. Both Santana and Lexi off the market at once, and not with each other? People weren't ready to believe that. Then for the word to get out that it was your cousin, man the curious really came forward."

"Nobody can put a person in their place better than both you and Pu."

"Yeah, but she always seemed a little withdrawn after I've had to confront a woman. She tries not to, but I think it bothers her."

"Maybe it does and maybe it doesn't, but she still wants to be with you, and so she will handle it. I know you think she's some fragile princess you need to protect, but Pu is full of fire and you've seen it. Believe in it."

"I believe in us," Lexi replied.

"So that's all you need," Santana said.

Santana noticed a group of girls hanging around eyeing her and Lexi. It didn't happen often, but was happening more and more. She knew that it was time to grab their drinks and get back to their table.

The bartender congratulated Santana and handed them the drinks...which Santana insisted on paying for even though they were offered to her for free. Still, she tipped generously and made her way back to the table, just before she was intercepted by the group of young women. It seems as if security came out of nowhere, but Santana was aware that she was just getting started and image was everything, and so once she sat her drinks down she made her way over and said hello. She wasn't truly comfortable with signing autographs yet, she just didn't get it, but she agreed to two quick group selfies and wished them a good night. Then she made her way back to her table with a quick thank you to security for being on the lookout that she and her party be left unbothered. She'd leave him a tip at the end of the night as well, though she doesn't really know if it's proper procedure. She doesn't want to start throwing money around, money she's just beginning to make, like an obnoxious asshole but she also doesn't want to stiff anyone out of a tip. She'll have to ask her publicist, who she has pushed against using too much. Soon, she would need them though, once her tea is finally spilled to the world.

They would be calling it a night soon. They all had just wanted to meet up, catch up, and go to the club to dance to "Girl" together for the first time. With that done they decided to go to have a quick dinner and then go their separate ways. It was a late night stop at the IHOP that made Santana truly feel like things were right with her and Nani again. It seems as if Lexi had gotten the message, from the way Nani danced with her and showered her with her full love and attention, that she would make things right regarding Kevin. Santana knew that look in Lexi's eyes, and knew that as much as she loved spending time with Santana and Brittany Lexi couldn't wait to get Nani home. Santana also knew that Nani enjoyed making her wait, wanted to build her up. Santana liked them together. It always warmed her heart in a special way when she would see them simply click.

This was one of those moments.

"Simon, bathroom run?"

"Forgot how to go by yourself, Pu?"

"Clearly I'm trying to get you alone to say something to you in private," Nani rolled her eyes, "but you already knew that you nuisance."

"I did," Santana smiled. "Please excuse us ladies. We won't be long." Lexi stood and pulled out Nani's chair.

"Awwwwwwwwwwww," Santana said and Nani blushed which always made Lexi want to pounce on her.

"Oh shut up," Nani rolled her eyes as Brittany and Santana laughed. Santana leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Brittany's lips.

"Be right back, doll. Love you."

"Love you too honey."

"You're leaving for 5 minutes and have to say 'I love yous' and you're awwwwing me?" Nani laughed.

"Just come on," Santana said, heading for the restrooms.

"Mind if we step outside instead?" Nani asked after they'd left the table.

"Sure," Santana said. Is everything okay?"

"It is. I just wanted to talk a minute."

"Okay, but it's cold outside. It's empty in here. Let me ask the waitress can we sit at an empty table for a minute in the back."

"Okay," Nani replied.

Santana made the request and the waitress pointed out an area where they could chat for a moment.

"Talk to me Pu."

Nani took a deep breath, "Ummm, so, damn, this is so weird talking about this with you..."

"Just say it Pu. Do you remember the shit we used to talk about to each other? Nothing was ever weird between us."

"Yeah," Nani sighed. "Yeah"

"You already said that."

"Yeah okay so it's about sex."

"So? What do you need to know, how babies are made? You and Lexi should be good no matter how much sex you're having. I know Lexi probably already had that answer," Santana snarked.

"You're not making this any easier."

"Okay, sorry. Go ahead Pu."

"Lexi and I, our sex life is really good. I mean, I thought that guys were sexual but I always knew that Lexi was pretty sexual too, I mean..."

"Yeah, don't finish that sentence," Santana started, knowing that she was the reason that Nani knew just how sexual Lexi was.

"Right," Nani agreed. "So anyway we have a really good sex life and I know that I please her as much as she pleases me..."

"Really now," Santana raised an eyebrow and Pu blushed.

"You're enjoying this aren't you?"

"Oddly, yes I am, even though it involves my cousin's vagina. I'll have to ask my therapist what that says about me."

"You're a pervert, we already knew that," Nani said and Santana smiled. "Anyway, ummm, there are some things that she does that I really enjoy with her but I haven't tried doing those things to her just yet. I just don't know if I'll be good at them."

"It's sex and it's you, two things Lexi is crazy about. Whatever you try will get her off just fine."

"Yeah, but I'll feel like a fool..."

Santana smiled a knowing smile. "Pu! You want to top Lexi with a strap! This is spectacular!"

"Wait, what? Shut up! Why are you so fucking loud?" Nani said, looking around the restaurant. "How did you come to that conclusion from that conversation?" Nani blushed.

"I've heard it all before, grasshopper. Just tell Lex, she'll make sure you do her right."

Nani squeezed her eyes shut. "I can't believe I'm talking to you about this."

"You're right, just talk to Lexi she'll walk you through it, or let you ride her through it," Santana laughed.

"Shut up Santana."

"Seriously Pu, I mean we all started out somewhere with someone. She didn't become so skilled at it by being too shy to experiment with it. It's okay, because when you love someone exploring new things with them is wonderful. I'm sure she's already taught you quite a few things and she's insane about you, Pu. It'll be okay."

"Have you and Brittany..."

"Woah," Santana said, holding her hand up. "Don't go there, Pu."

"Oh I'm going, either with you or Brittany, and I know you don't want me to ask Brittany. Or maybe I should. I mean, she's been at it a little longer than me. I'm sure she's laid that silicone wood on you by now..."

"Don't get ahead of yourself there rookie, you're no Brittany. Nothing about you suggests that your back is strong enough to work that thang right."

"You'd be surprised at the work I can do," Nani scoffed and Santana cringed.

"You're a Wright woman. I have no doubt you have potential but let's face it, Lexi is Lexi and you are a total bottom," Santana laughed.

"I am a bonafide switch babygirl," Nani scoffed.

Santana continued to laugh. "You're literally the bottomiest person I've ever met. There's literally no one bottomier. Maybe Rachel Berry, because when she and Quinn have a go I know Quinn is topping her. She's been waiting her entire life to top a woman. So yeah, but maybe you're less bottamy than Quinn too, despite her lofty ambitions. I mean those sun dresses and sweaters are not giving top energy. Sugar seems a little intrigued with girl on girl action as well, but I get whimsical top energies from her. Hmmmm, maybe Sophia too, that girl is a bottom for sure. She just wanted me to get her off again and again..." Santana said as she weighed the possibilities.

"Santana! Why do you always go off on these tangents when we talk about sex with people you know?"

"I don't know. Would you rather I go back to laughing?"

"Seriously Santana, I'm gonna kick your ass."

"Your bottoming ass is not gonna do shit." Santana laughed " Lexi has you feeling a special kind of feisty, though. Yeah baby!" Santana said in her Austin Powers voice. "You two have been living that happy strappy life!"

"Santana!"

"Oh this is outstanding Pu. Did you tell her about your thing for Shuri in Black Panther 2? Did you tell her you want that vibranium strap? Did she give it to you? Did she yell out Wakanda Forever while she did it?" Santana doubled over laughing.

"You're disgusting."

"I know, and this is splendid material."

"I'm never talking to you about gay things again in my life."

"Liar." Santana said before getting serious. "Okay, I just needed to get under your skin and take a mental break from the thought of you and Lexi fucking. You've always given switch energy. I'm glad you're reaching for your gayest potential."

Nani shook her head and chuckled. "I missed how annoying you could be."

"I'm your little cousin, I will annoy you for the rest of my life, even if it's because I intend to age so much better than you will and I'll constantly remind you of the fact that you were once almost as cute as I am. Anyway, you know Lex, you never need to be shy with her. Tell her what you want. Ask her to teach you. She'll have a blast. Drink some protein shakes. Get your energy up. I don't know."

"My energy is just fine."

"I don't know, you look a little tired to me Pu. Lexi making up for lost time? Yeah baby!" Santana said in her Austin Powers voice again, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Ugh, you're useless to me."

"What the hell do you want me to say here? Having this conversation with you is gross. You're my cousin."

"So?"

"I'm used to creating visuals in my head, I can't do that with you. I've been trying to find a suitable stunt double in my brain for you but it just hasn't worked yet. What do you want from me Pu? I mean, I do have an instructional video available on the deep web. I'm told I wield the strap like a mighty sword. You could learn a lot, I'm just saying..."

"Way to dry up a vagina. No way I want to see you fuck anyone, let alone Dani's deranged ass."

"So then figure it out, or watch some porn, or learn from a pro like Lexi. Seriously, and I mean this sincerely Pu. I know you don't want specifics, but I know why you asked about Brittany. Considering my history, a history that's a lot like Lexi's, you were wondering if that was something that worked for us. Let me just tell you that it does. She's not the most comfortable with it yet either but she's enjoying the learning process and so am I. When you're with a woman you love, especially for people like Lexi and I who are not easy to fall in love, when that woman gives her heart to you, her all to you, and she makes love to you... nothing anybody else in the world could do to you would ever feel better than that. Give her your heart Pu. Make love to her. You're already the best she's ever had. Take her home and blow her mind. Do what feels natural. She'll never get enough of you, Pu."

Nani sighed, "It feels good to have you to talk to again, Simon."

"You always had me, Pu. You just had to remember that."

"Thank you for your patience with me. It's been a really confusing time in my life. I've never had a time like this in my life before, and I just feel like I went from having it all together to everything in my life being so uncertain."

"You're not required to always have it together, Pu. You're human. You just broke up with a man you thought you were going to marry, you fell in love with a woman that you've been falling in love with for years now. She fucked you kind of silly and you got even more confused and I get it, Pu. Congratulations, you're human. I've been there, welcome to the club. You still haven't told me everything that went down with Marcel and I get that too, one thing at a time. Kevin may have me pissed off but I don't want anything to happen to the guy, but he has a family and siblings and parents to look after him. I don't mean to sound cold but you quit that job, now walk away. He's fucking with your mental health. If he needs help tell his family to give me a call. I'll ask my therapist to find someone to help him out and I'll foot the bill if his insurance doesn't until he can appeal for them to pay for it. I got you, Pu, and I've got Kevin."

"Simon, you can't go around using your money to pay for other people's problems."

"Pu, right now that's all I want to do with this money. We are already homeowners. I have a great bike. My bills get paid and my lady and I are cared for. I save what I can and my family has everything they need. Brittany keeps an eye on my money and even though I'm nowhere close to being a millionaire I've already got more money in my bank account than I've ever seen and don't you worry, I'm going to be smart with it, but this thing with Kevin's mental health, it may be life or death, and so I'm paying if I need to. I'm there for him however I can be, because I'm there for you, Pu. I'm always there for you."

"I know Simon."

"Wanna talk about Marcel?"

"Not tonight, but soon, okay?"

"Very soon, Pu. Want to at least tell me what it is?"

"I told him I'm sick and tired of pretending that I'll ever be able to see him as anything other than the man who broke me and my mother's hearts by getting another woman pregnant. His son is a constant reminder of that. He thinks that at my age I should be over it. I told him he was the first man who ever loved me, and the first man who ever broke my heart. He doesn't get to tell me when I should get over it. I don't want to get over it, even though I tell myself everyday that I should."

"It hurts, Pu. That little girl in you still hurts."

"The grown woman hurts too. I can be honest about that. I was also honest about Lexi. I love her, I'm over Kevin. I'm a bisexual woman and right now I really hope that I've found a person I could love for a long time. I understand why it took me so long to recognize my feelings for Lexi. In my mind she belonged to you no matter what you two said. What I don't understand is why it took me so long to accept that I always had an interest in woman. I guess it's not really important, or maybe I was trying to recreate the family I lost and two women couldn't do that."

"Two women can do that Pu. Our love can produce a loving family. Maybe not by traditional means of conception, but we can raise happy healthy children and show them what loving and respectful partnerships look like."

"I've always known that Simon. I think I just see it clearer now."

"And Pu, even through this craziness, you've been a great cousin. In your mind I had something you wanted and you were never jealous, would never have gone behind my back and done anything. You asked me how I felt first. I love you for that, and I love that I know the same will happen as this career of mine gets started. You are an amazing human being, and you always love me perfectly. I missed you, but I always knew that it wouldn't be long before I had all of you back."

"You never lost any of me, I just needed to figure it all out. You can't lose me, you're my little Simon."

Santana chuckled. "How did Marcel react to the news that you're seeing a woman?"

"Oh, I'm curious he says. All these years of seeing you with a string of beautiful women peaked my interest when things didn't work out with Kevin. At least that's what he says."

Santana rolled her eyes.

"Yeah I told him Lexi wasn't the first, and the only reason she'll be the last is because I expect us to go the distance."

Santana smiled brightly. "You and Lexi talked about going the distance?"

"She told me if I want kids, she would love to have them with me. She thinks I'd look beautiful pregnant."

"You would," Santana smiled softly.

"So would Brittany."

"Oh yes she would," Santana smiled, looking over at the table where Lexi and Brittany were both laughing at something.

"They're beautiful," Nani sighed.

"They are, Pu."

"So let's take them home Simon. We'll talk in the morning."

Santana looked at Brittany lustfully.

"Make it the afternoon, Pu."

Santana felt much better after they called it a night. So did Nani, as she took Lexi home and took the time to make her feel special, feel loved, feel needed. Nani took complete control for the first time. For the first time she truly felt sure enough because Brittany and Santana were both right. She didn't need to feel unsure, because she was sure of one thing...she and Lexi loved one another. So it's okay if she still feels like Lexi should lead and she should follow because Lexi is so experienced and she's just some girl who didn't even realize how much she really liked girls until the girl she always wanted was within her reach. She's been unsure in every step, letting Lexi guide her, instruct her. She knows Santana says that Lexi will teach her, but Lexi has taught her, taught her so much, including what Santana confirmed for her...she can do no wrong. She can do no wrong when her goal is to love Lexi, to make her feel amazing. She's always in her own head, except when Lexi loves her and makes everything in the world disappear except the two of them. Nobody has ever been able to make everything disappear for her. Is that what love is? Nani isn't sure of many things these days, except that she's never felt this way before and it scares her...because she thought she knew herself. Right now she doesn't know much for sure, except that she wants to love her. She wants to make love to her like she's never made love to her before. Not just physically. She wants to surrender to everything she feels. She wants to apologize for being so difficult sometimes. She wants to set things right. She and Santana...they're okay. Pride was really the only obstacle that potentially ever stood between them. Now, it's all been her accepting her own flaws. There are growing pains, and fear, and that loyalty that everyone speaks of. But tonight, tonight is magic again. She and Santana are the infamous Wright cousins again, unbreakable, and tonight she lets Kevin go, again. She speaks to his family, maybe with Santana at her side, and she offers help...the type of help that doesn't bind her to a love that needs to stay in her past. She doesn't love Kevin anymore, in reality she hasn't loved him in that way for a very long time. Somehow it faded away and it was nobody's fault. Kevin has to accept that just as she has. She loves Lexi, and this night she'll lay her down, she'll love her the way that Lexi usually loves her, and no matter if she's not great at it she will still feel like a star, Lexi's star, because even in her insecurities she has never failed to make Lexi cry out, to wrap her legs tightly around her and to inspire her to admit what she's never admitted to anyone else...to say what she's never said to another woman...'I love you, Nani'.

When Santana and Brittany reached home Brittany could feel the joy in Santana. She had even eaten better while with Nani and Lexi. Santana was happy to have the light hearted banter back between her and Nani. She was happy to have her best friend back as someone she could talk to without suspicions being cast upon them. She was happy to see the ladies grind in the club to 'Girl'. She was happy to see Nani and Lexi and especially Brittany dance to a song that she wrote. She was happy to see Lexi and Brittany sitting at a table alone and having an easy conversation...laughing and being beautiful and happy... just happy.

And that happiness inspired Santana to unwrap Brittany and crawl between her legs and bury her face inside of the blonde, to take her time because what she was giving her was only for her. It may be her favorite thing to give to Brittany because Brittany knows how special it is, what it means, and she always loves reminding Brittany that she is her one, her only one.

And then it was all over far too quickly, and everything was moving at warp speed again. Promotion for 'Girl'. Appearances. Finishing touches on her album, and most importantly...time to launch 'Stronger than Shame'.

'Girl' was doing amazingly well, and Santana's star was rising. So was Camille's, and her manager was still a piece of work. Santana knew that there was always politics involved with these labels, but she hadn't run into the dirty side of it. Not yet. She had been having a fairy tale rise in the business...charming people, impressing people, delivering the goods and making good connections. And she was starting to make money. Appearances mean money, and she had been making quite a few promoting 'Girl'.

Then it happened, she finally hit the dirty side of the business.

Cal called. 'Stronger than Shame' was to launch that Friday. She had written and rewritten her statement. She was ready, as ready as she was going to get. Nervous...sure, but it's what she needed to happen to be free...to do this on her own terms, and so the phone call happened and it made Santana's blood run cold.

Camille's manager knew about the tape, and even though Cal and some of the other executives had warned him Cal doesn't trust the man not to scoop Santana's big announcement. Cal believes that one of the execs that had advocated for Camille told her manager. Perhaps he wanted to prove he was right in betting on Camille, perhaps he just had a big mouth. Doesn't really matter, the cat was out of the bag.

It was only Tuesday.

Santana hung up the phone and all she wanted to do was cry but she didn't.

She got mad. She got mad as hell, and only one person should have to deal with her when she was this damn angry over business.

"Hello?"

"Sue?" Santana said. "We have a problem."

"No we don't."

"You don't even know what's going on!" Santana said angrily.

"It's my job to know what's going on. Cal called me. Cal called me last night even before he called you. He thought maybe I would want to let you know in person. I told him to call you himself in the morning. I had calls to make of my own...meetings to set up."

"What are we going to do?"

"Those meetings...they were the kind that take place covertly in the middle of the night. Something had to be done and it's already done. Don't worry Santana, you're making your announcement on Friday and nobody is going to do it before then."

"How can you be so sure?" Santana panicked.

"Take a deep breath Santana. I'm sure because Camille has her demons too, and I know what at least one of them is, maybe two. Oh who am I kidding? I know at least three."

"What is it? How do you know?"

"It's my job to know. When you left that birthday party do you think I stayed because I like hanging around barely legal girls who are addicted to taking pictures of themselves and posting them online every five minutes?"

"Thought you were networking."

"Sure, that's a good cover, and I managed to make a few connections, but intel is the name of the game. Some great things go down at these parties, at least for people who are smart enough to know where to be and what to look for, and of course know how to use what they find."

"Enough of this cryptic shit Sue, what's going on? How come you're not worried about this?"

"Look at your phone, I'm sending you something."

Santana waited a moment until a text message came into her phone. She gasped when she saw what was sent to her.

"Sue, how did you get this?"

"I know how to blend in with the background."

"Who did you show this to?"

"Just our dear friend Greg, and maybe Cal. And maybe an exec or two who may prefer that Camille's star surpasses yours. I know which ones not to trust."

"Sue why did you do that?" Santana asked sadly.

"What? Half of the entertainment business does coke. You should see the other pics I got that night. That back room, that private little party, Camille came into her own that night."

"Sue, what you do reflects on me, and I don't want to be the person who blackmails people. I'm starting a foundation for people who have been hurt by the way their images were shared and you're out here spreading pics of Camille spiraling? She's just a kid in a lot of ways, and nobody is really looking out for her."

"Be for real Santana. First of all, I could have never gotten in a position to get some of the shots that I have on my phone. Just a warning, always be careful who you let in your circle and how hungry they are for money. I didn't pay nearly what these photos are worth to us."

"I don't want to hurt her Sue. She's being hurt enough."

"I'm doing my job here."

"It's your job to out some young girl's cocaine problem?"

"If it protects you it is."

"No"

"Santana, you think you're going to do this business differently and you may. You think you're going to change this business and you might, but at the end of the day it's been shady from day one and it will be shady until its last day. I play it so you don't have to. Let me do my job."

"But your job isn't to hurt some girl who probably doesn't have a fucking clue about what's going on in her own camp, and even though she needs to learn it shouldn't be us teaching her."

"Then her people need to play the game. Those other photos...let's just say that when the princess gets a few drinks in her she likes to make out with everybody. Women, record execs, managers..."

"Fuck Sue what are you saying? The label respects me. They've been good to me..."

"They're only good when it's good for them. Don't be naive Santana. You are having a fairy tale rise to the top right now, and you're earning it every bit of the way, but don't you ever start really believing in fairy tales. Fairy tales don't just happen, people make them happen. You've been working your ass off for your fairy tale, but so have I. So has Cal. So has that brillo haired agent of yours Will. This doesn't reflect on you. This is the world knowing that you're not a pushover, because you have people in your corner who are cold and calculating enough to do what you won't do, and as you should see by what would have happened to you if you didn't have those people, you need us or you don't last in this business. I won't hurt her Santana. Neither will you. But the decisions of others that come after you may hurt her. That's on them, not on us. This is the game Santana, play it or it will play you."

"Sue, the pictures, especially of her with a girl, please don't out this kid. She's probably just curious. She's just young and needs to experiment. Please don't out her, Sue."

"Santana, it would be foolish for the manager of the lesbian to out someone. I'm not stupid. If anything that was the tamest of the pictures I procured that night. Her with her tongue down some executive's mouth and then her suddenly having very confidential intel on you is far more damning. Her getting groped by her manager is far more damning. Her snorting the booger sugar, riding the white pony, partaking in the yayo, playing in the snow...well after all of that who gives a damn if she kissed a girl and she liked it? I won't hurt her. She can rise all she wants to, but not on your back. Not at the cost of you falling. I'm doing my job and you'll appreciate it one day. You will appreciate it when someone wants to fuck you in their office to progress your career no matter how good you are. You will appreciate it because they will remember that I am your manager, and if I don't already have something on them I will find something, or manufacture something that resembles the truth just enough to make the actual truth come out. I play dirty only when I have to and you will appreciate it one day. I won't hold it against you if you're too naive to appreciate it yet but you're a smart girl. You probably already appreciate it, even if you can't admit it without some guilt. So don't admit it. You pay me enough so that I take care of your guilt for you."

"What did you say to Brittany's mother?" Santana asked, now knowing just how cutthroat Sue could truly get.

"You really never need to know. You pay me enough so that I take care of your guilt for you, Santana. But just a heads up, if who Brittany thinks is her father really isn't I have some other candidates for her to check into. Her mother may not have the edge she thinks she has over her. I pretty much know at least 70% of the people she's fucked the past 25 years, including who she's fucking now and it's not Stan. Give me enough time and I'll find another 20%. Enjoy your day. Friday is still the big day. I'll handle the rest of this. Actually, it's already handled."

The line went dead and Santana thought for a moment before curling up on the couch with a blanket and staring at a tv that wasn't even turned on. She knew that Sue was right. She had to let it go so that she could do what she needed to do on her own terms... for herself and for Brittany as well.

What was this business turning her into?

Santana had a headache. She didn't want to burden anyone else with this. She just wanted Friday to get there and get there fast before anything else could go wrong and then she would share what's happened with the people who support her. Then she kept thinking about Camille. She knew that she was lost but she never imagined how lost. She wondered if the young girl was just being passed around as a means to advance her career and keep everyone around her happy. It made her extremely sad. Santana knows that Camille is a grown woman, but there was something so childlike about her, like she was stuck and nobody cared. Nobody cared as long as she made them money and now Santana had to find a way not to care, too. Sue's right. It's a dangerous business and cocaine is but one of the traps. Sex, money, friends who betray you, it can happen to anyone. It all just makes Santana want to get out before she's too deep in. Making music shouldn't involve all of this darkness.

The rest of the week Santana spent simply stressing, and working, making appearances, putting the finishing touches on the last few songs, and meeting virtually with Lance and other members of her team. Speaking to Cal, speaking to other reps from the label...

...and forgetting to eat.

She couldn't eat. She was a bundle of nerves. She was trying. Whenever she had a moment to spend with Brittany it was as if the woman would produce a plate from nowhere and sit her down to try and eat. Santana would try, she would really try. Not only for herself, but for Brittany, for Pu, for her mom and everyone else who loves her. It just didn't seem to want to go down.

"Santana, I don't want to become that person who is constantly telling you to care for yourself. I don't want to become that person who won't let you overcome your past but with your history especially you have to find a way to eat when times get stressful. You will have a lot of stressful times in the music business, but you have to eat my love." Brittany worried.

"I'm trying honey, I promise. It's just so much going on, and I can't really talk about it all right now but after Friday I promise it will get better..."

"You can't promise me that, Santana, since the stress will be there, will be even higher at least for a while. It may not get better it may actually get worse. I see you drinking those nutritional meal replacement drinks. That's not enough. Those won't do for you what a well balanced meal will do. I know that's you trying to stay healthy, but I think it's an unhealthy way of fooling yourself into thinking you're getting enough nutrition. Let me help you honey. Just like I prepare Stan's meals let me make you small snacks for you to eat throughout the day. I'll make sure that they're packed with all of the nutrients your beautiful body needs, and that they're small enough for you to tolerate. The alternative is me worrying your family, because I won't watch you fade away without letting them know. I promised them I'd care for you, and keeping these kinds of secrets would not equal caring for you. You have to eat Santana, and if you truly can't we need to take you to a doctor to find out why. At least let's bring it up in therapy before we go worrying anyone else, and let me make you those little meals."

"Okay Britt."

"I love you, you know that don't you?"

"I do," Santana smiled, "and that makes me the luckiest woman in the world."

"And you love me too, right?"

"You never have to ask, Britt."

"So don't make me watch you fade away. You know what it did to those around you. Even Quinn never really got over it and I could see that clearly when I met her. They've just calmed down on worrying about you, and if they see you losing weight again it's all going to come flooding back in, and Nani and your parents and abuela and your Aunt Gladys, everybody goes back into panic mode. Let's do this honey. Let's get your appetite back."

"There's something I could eat when you talk like that," Santana said, pulling Brittany in close.

"Well that's not going to put any weight on you," Brittany smiled. "But I mean if you just want a snack..."

"I do, and I'll take you out to dinner afterwards."

"No need, there's a ton of leftovers in there since you've barely eaten this week. Now let me make you hungry enough to eat them."

"You've got yourself a deal, doll."

And Santana tried, she did, and with Brittany's help she managed to make it through the week eating small meals, except for the night before the website launched, when the nerves were so bad neither of them could eat well. They managed to eat a small bowl of soup and wait for the unknown to happen.

There was no huge gathering at Holly's this time, at least not one that Santana and Brittany attended. It was just Santana and Brittany at home. Santana didn't feel up to a crowd. They would meet together later that evening, should Santana feel that she needs it, at Holly's.

On Friday morning Brittany didn't even bother to attempt to make a real breakfast. She made Santana's tea and made herself some as well, which made Santana smile. Brittany still teases Santana about her various teas, but this morning they shared a simple lemon tea and Brittany made some toast and topped it with a little avocado. It's all either of them could tolerate as the time ticked slowly by until the website launched at noon.

After breakfast and dressing for the day the ladies tried to busy themselves. Brittany had taken the day off but she couldn't even busy herself with work at home. Her mind wasn't in it. Santana had already warned everyone not to call her until after the site launched. She and Brittany showered and dressed for the day and by 10:00 in the morning all Santana could do was turn her smart tv on to her official site and watch the announcement she had recorded over and over again after deciding to drop the script and speak from the heart. It had been up there all week and Santana had clicked it a hundred timed and each time found something new that she hated about it. It doesn't matter anymore anyway, Santana thought, because in a few hours there would be a new video that people will be far more interested in.

"Hi everybody. I wanted to thank you for all of the support that you've been showing me and to let you know that I have a new single dropping right here this Friday at noon. I'll also be speaking to you about a very important project I'll be launching here that same day. I want to just talk to you about myself a bit, the things you haven't heard in the interviews, the inspiration behind the single. I hope you all join me here and to all of those who continue to support me I thank you from the bottom of my heart. See you on Friday!"

"I should have listened to Sue and written a statement. Sounds like I'm announcing a fucking meet and greet." Santana groaned.

"Stop being so hard on yourself. It was fine. You wanted to speak from the heart and also not make it sound like some big scandalous thing dropping. It was perfect."

"But it is some big scandalous thing dropping," Santana sighed.

"Don't do this. Don't second guess yourself. This is the right thing. You're doing the right thing," Brittany said, rubbing the woman's back.

"Yeah, I know," Santana sighed. "It's been a crazy week Britt. Not only have I been getting ready for this but Camille's team almost scooped my announcement.

"What? Why am I just now hearing about this Santana?"

"Because Sue handled it. I may not like how she handled it and it stressed me out a bit but I have to say the woman protects me at all costs."

"How did she handle it?"

"She got the goods on Camille and promised those involved that if my tea was spilled Camille's would spill as well. Difference is that I'm going to be spilling my own tea anyway and the things that Sue has on Camille her team will want hidden for a very long time."

"Like?"

"Like she's been doing coke, like she's maybe been experimenting with her sexuality with all of the wrong people."

"Oh no," Brittany said sadly.

"Yeah, and I have the feeling that this is all pretty new. She wasn't coping with her newfound celebrity very well. I have the feeling that maybe she's using the coke to help her cope, which we all know how that story ends."

"Yeah," Brittany said sadly.

"Anyway, I don't like Sue's tactics but I honestly didn't see a way around using them either, which made me feel like complete shit. Not that she gave me a say, she had already let it be known that she had photographic evidence long before I even knew there was an issue."

"And how did she get photographic evidence?"

"Not totally sure. She was pretty cryptic. I'll find out more later after I deal with my own shit. I think maybe a friend or someone in Camille's camp sold the photos to Sue. You know what they say, the only thing more dangerous than a strong enemy is a weak friend. I have a feeling that Sue knows all about uncovering weaknesses."

"That's horrible."

"Yeah, and I really just didn't want to saddle anyone with all of that this week. Everyone had to deal with this their own way leading up to today. I needed to worry about my family, my friends, my girl, my team, myself. Camille's feelings and problems will have to wait."

"I feel sorry for her, really I do Santana, but her team was threatening you."

"Well as you can see she probably has as much control over her team as I have over mine."

"You have an amazing team, Santana. You may not always agree with their methods, but you know they have your back."

"I know it for now. I also feel insanely vulnerable."

"I know it's all so scary, this business, but you'll be okay. You're surrounded by good people, and your entire team is comprised of people that Holly knew and trusted. Holly knows this business. If she says they're okay then they're okay. That's what you told me."

"Sue has demon DNA."

Brittany laughed, "Maybe, but that doesn't mean she isn't loyal, and the devil you know is better than the angel you don't know. And we all know what an angel the world thinks that Camille is."

"My gut tells me she's good people Britt."

"Your gut also tells you that she's lost, and that's a dangerous combination in the wrong hands."

"And she's certainly in the wrong hands."

"So enough about Camille. I can tell that you've worried about that all week but it's really messed up what her team tried to do to you so I personally wouldn't have lost a wink of sleep upon hearing that Sue did what she had to do. I empathize with Camille, but I love you and anybody that protects you is a friend of mine. We have no idea what Camille did or did not know about this, and so we don't need to think about her. Now you just focus on you, because in a half an hour things will get chaotic for a while, but just remember it's only for a short while."

Santana sighed deeply. She curled up in Brittany's arms as she watched the moments tick down on the screen. It was when the one minute mark hit that Santana had an internal panic attack. She wasn't going to let Brittany see it. She wanted to give Brittany strength for her own moment when it came. She had to appear stoic, but inside she wishes she didn't ask for this. She knows she needed it but that was no consolation in the moment. A storm was coming, and all of a sudden she felt cracks in her shelter.

Brittany pulled her in tight as the final seconds counted down. Lance was monitoring the traffic on the site and had given Santana a way to see how many were there for the announcement but she didn't want to know. As if Brittany sensed it she kissed Santana on the ear before forcing her to look into her eyes.

"It's just you and me, honey."

"Just you and me, doll" Santana replied shakily.

The video went live and it instantly began to play. In the future people would have to click to see her pain but for the first time Santana wanted everyone to hear the news at the same time. It wasn't the prepared statement she had worked on over and over again. She had ultimately chosen to speak from the heart once again. She didn't want to look rehearsed, to look polished, for it not to feel authentic. She wanted to just talk to people on a human level, and hopefully she would reach those she hoped to reach.

"Hello everybody. I appreciate you taking the time to watch this video. I wanted to talk to you a little about an experience that changed my life. When I was 19 I fell in love for the first time. It was new and exciting and we thought that we would be together forever. We are both singers and we thought that we would grow old together, become famous artists together, we had all of the dreams that any two young people in love for the first time may have. Full of hope and wonder and love for each other, and in our minds what else did we need to make it in this world? All we had was love and dreams and each other. What could go wrong?

I was barely a woman, in love for the first time, and just starting to embrace myself as a lesbian woman. I was in my first truly intimate relationship, and we wanted to make one another happy. Nothing feels better than seeing the person you love smile, but their smile should never cost you more than you're willing to lose, and wanting to keep her happy cost me dearly.

After our first year together she began asking me to make a sex tape with her. I was totally opposed to the idea, and was adamant in my refusal to do so. Initially it only came up occasionally, but the request soon came up at least twice a month. Finally, on her birthday she invited me over to her place, and after dinner we retired to her room. When we reached the room the camera was already set up, and she told me how much it would mean to her, and I looked at this woman with all of the love I had in me and I trusted her, and I wanted to make her happy. I wanted to see her smile, and so I finally gave in to her request. I gave her a birthday gift that was intended for her eyes only.

I didn't worry about it, because what could go wrong? We were going to be in love forever and we would never hurt one another. Those are the same thoughts that everyone has when they're in love, until something changes the way that you think. For us, it wasn't a falling out. It was simply a misguided attempt to do what she thought was the right thing for us. It took me many years to realize that she didn't truly have my best interests at heart, not when someone makes a decision for their partner that they know they would be against. Not when they make a decision that was never theirs to make alone. I learned that lesson young, and I learned it the hard way.

My ex played in a band, and her band was doing pretty well on the local scene. I also was booking gigs at a steady pace. She felt like we needed something to give us a little more exposure, another push, to get those more lucrative bookings. I had forgotten all about the sex tape. She didn't. She released it online, without my knowledge or consent, and my life instantly went to hell.

While she was thrilled with the response, the exposure, it had the opposite effect on me. I stopped singing. I felt exposed in a way I could never imagine. I began working odd jobs, and spent the rest of my time trying to avoid reading the negative comments people made online about my sexuality, my morality, my body...about anything and everything they perceived me and my life to be. I felt shame wherever I went, not knowing who knew, who saw, who judged me doing the most natural thing in the world to me...expressing my love to the woman I gave my entire heart to. I felt betrayed by her, by my first love, for not recognizing the position that she had put me in, no matter if her intentions weren't malicious. She meant me no harm, she simply didn't think about the long term ramifications for each of us. It was a youthful mistake and she has always regretted the pain that it caused me. She had hurt me in ways she couldn't see, and soon I turned that hurt inward on myself.

I developed an eating disorder, a disorder that had gotten so bad it threatened my life. It was then that family and friends truly stepped in for me... longtime friends who convinced me to perform again, my cousin who fought the world with me, my mother, my aunt, my grandmothers, my motorcycle club and countless others formed a barrier around me. They stood by me as I found a way to get past the betrayal, stood by me as I found a path to my self esteem. Music became therapeutic for me, and I began immersing myself in my craft, learning to play the guitar and piano and learning to accept myself and the fact that people had seen me in a way they never had the right to see me. I accepted losing my first love and losing my trust in love. I accepted it all.

Eventually, through their tireless efforts and my own I took back my power. I embraced my body again. I was offered the opportunity to model at an art institute. I decided to take the opportunity, and modeled as a nude model a few times a month...not for the money or because I loved showing off my body, but because I wouldn't feel shame for the way people saw me any longer. If I was too skinny, too fat, not voluptuous enough, however they saw me was not how I saw myself, and it made me stronger to be able to stand in my own vision of myself rather than live in the way others viewed me. Some will judge that decision as well, but I no longer live my life under the weight of their judgements. For a while it felt like I lost everything, but in the rubble of my self esteem I truly found myself. I discovered many things in that rubble, but most of all I discovered that I was stronger than shame.

Being stronger than shame doesn't mean that the emotions disappear. It means they no longer control your ability to heal, to grow, to persevere. It means that we don't succumb to the shame, but that we find what we need to grow from the experience, to adapt, to move forward. Our pasts are behind us, and only the future can be changed. Live in the past and the future is bleak. Overcome, and the future is limitless.

That's why I invited you here today to hear my truth in my own words, and I'll never hide any of the truth regarding that moment in my life, because I have nothing to hide, nothing to feel ashamed of. You don't need to buy magazines to hear my sordid truth because I'm telling it to you for free, right here on my site. Don't give those places your money that will sell you lies or stories from people who want to try and make up things that will get them a paycheck. Ask me. I have absolutely nothing to hide. I am happy to tell it all for free and I do that for many reasons, and the most important reason of all is the reason I'm releasing this song today.

I am pleased to announce my new foundation...our new foundation...called Stronger than Shame. The reason I say ours is that it belongs to all of us, anybody who has ever had their image shared publicly without their consent. There are so many of us out there who have been traumatized because of sex tape leaks, stolen nude photographs, revenge porn, deep fakes and various other unimaginable ways in which we had our peace and privacy stolen from us. I want anyone who is out there feeling alone and broken to know that you are neither alone nor broken. I want our foundation to be the community that I had, my support system, that stood by me until I could stand on my own again. It's not the end of the world what's happened to us, at least it doesn't have to be, and we want Stronger than Shame to be a place where we can stand together, heal together, and grow together until each of us knows what I now know...that I still am worthy and deserve to be loved and respected.

I wrote this new single, Stronger than Shame, to tell my story, and in turn it tells the story that countless others share with me. When we close the computer screen our pain doesn't cease to exist. It looms and becomes larger than life, larger than us, if we allow it to. But if you visit our website we want to give you a safe space to speak with others who have survived our unique sort of pain. We want to give you resources to find professional help. We want you to learn your rights and what may help you legally get your image removed. We want to empower you to fight back, to power through, to become stronger than your shame. Then you can stand as an example to someone just experiencing what we have experienced and help them to understand that they will make it. We can give our pain a purpose. We can let them know that they can make it, because they are not alone.

So please listen to my new single, "Stronger than Shame", and afterwards please check out the website for our foundation. A link to the site will appear here after the video. Feel free to share your experiences there and support one another. We vow to make it a safe space for you. It will be heavily moderated and I want you all to report anything that's not supportive or healing in nature. At least once a week we hope to feature the story of someone who has fought back against the shame, the fear, the hopelessness that many of us feel when we're first exposed to the world in a way we never wanted to be and have reclaimed their lives. We want you to reach out with your own fears and hopes and dreams. We want you to overcome and thrive, and we want you to know that we're there with you, and that you are not alone. What we lost on the internet maybe some of you can find on the internet as well, on a site and with a foundation that respects and honors you for being a survivor...for learning to be stronger than the shame that some may place upon us. May hope uplift you and healing find you and may you realize that you are not as alone as you may feel. This foundation, it belongs to all who need it, so that you never have to feel alone again.

Thank you for listening, and I hope the single, Stronger than shame, can provide you with even a small bit of the peace and healing that it's provided me with. Because of that healing I'm able to hold my head high and say to the world, my name is Santana Lopez, and I am stronger than shame."

As soon as Santana finished speaking the video began. It wasn't the video that Brittany was expecting. It was Santana singing at the piano, leaving her soul bare in a cold dark room, tears threatening her eyes. However in the background during certain points there were scenes from Santana's life. Santana was sure not to include pictures of anyone else in her life, but the pictures chosen for the first part of the song showed a sadness in her. Pictures of a time when she had lost a part of herself, even a picture of her when she was struggling with her eating disorder. Not one as explicit as the one Quinn had shown Brittany, but one where you could clearly see that she was thinner, much thinner, just by looking at her face. Santana had decided that she wanted to truly expose herself, to leave nothing to the imagination, to show what was taken, and by the end of the song, what was reclaimed.

As Santana's song transitioned from despair to hope she looked radiant sitting at the piano, her eyes beginning to shine as pictures of her riding, singing, playing the piano and the guitar and even a picture of the painting Brittany did of her, from the shoulders up only, flashed on the screen. This was her joy, her new peace, the woman the world saw before them now. Those few photos, no more than eight in total showed faintly on the black background as Santana sang at the piano, and told a powerful story. It reinforced the story that Santana had spoken from the heart just moments before. Santana didn't want the focus to be on the pictures, just glimpses into the past that faded away as she sang, occupying the space for no more than 5 seconds each before fading away into a painful past before giving glimpses into a promising future.

When the video ended Santana finally dared to breathe and Brittany cried and simply held her...held her and told her how proud she was of her and how brave she thought that she was, until the phone rang and kept ringing, one after the other, of people who loved her and were so proud of her. None of them held her on the phone long, most even opted to text her, but Santana was overwhelmed by the love and support, and more aware every moment of just how lucky she truly was.

And then she did what she knew she had to do, she readied herself for the day. Her PR team had been readying her for the influx of attention and questions and Santana had wanted Brittany to stay away. Brittany, however, insisted on being with her when the video dropped, and she insisted on spending the weekend with her, and so Sue came up with the idea that her first public appearance will include her, and so they would meet for dinner later that evening. Brittany compromised and said she would stay at Santana's as long as Sue arrived in a car to pick up Santana and dropped her off at the end of the night. Sue agreed. She knew that Brittany wanted someone at Santana's side at all times.

Sue secretly wanted the same thing.

And so Brittany stayed at Santana's as Sue picked up Santana for a very public dinner in an exclusive restaurant in Manhattan. The media interest started instantly. TMZ was at the restaurant when they arrived.

Of course they were. Sue had called them and tipped them off, anonymously of course.

Sue knew that Santana would hate the paps outside of her home disturbing her neighbors, and Sue wanted to make sure that Santana had her first media encounter after the announcement while she was with her, and so she guided them to the restaurant. Still, there were a few paps outside of her building and something that never happened before...a few fans as well. It was just the show of support that Santana needed, even if she did wonder if her manager paid those people to stand outside her building and yell that they loved her. She's not quite sure what Sue is capable of, but in her heart of hearts she believes it was a genuine show of support.

Deep down she needed to believe it. She needed it to be real.

Dinner was tense, although Sue tried to lighten things up for her. She understood. It wasn't just the announcement, it was the realization of what it really took to play this game called the music business. Santana had heard the tales, but things had been going so well for her, and Cal had been going so well for her, that maybe she thought she could escape it all. Now Sue knows that she understands that she can't. Nobody can. Somehow the foulness of this business will touch them if somebody is not there to make sure nothing gets close enough. Holly sent Sue to Santana to make sure nothing got close enough.

Santana would have to thank the woman one day.

Sue and Santana chatted, and Santana tried to settle herself. She had to seem calm, for Brittany, who was only a week away from making her own confession to the world. Santana shared her hopes with Sue...that the foundation site will get lots of clicks, lots of people reaching out for a community, so that when Brittany tells her truth she's not just one of two people who admitted that they've had their ass plastered all over the internet. She also thanked Sue for always having her back, even if she doesn't agree with every method. Sue understood her hesitation, but appreciated that Santana was smart enough to respect what Sue does for her. Sue likes the girl, she's smarter than she is emotional, which is not always the case with some artists. Sue can work with that.

As dinner neared it's end the restaurant manager made his way over to speak with Sue.

"The paparazzi are here, likely for Ms. Lopez. If you'd like we can clear a path and let you out through the back door."

"Absolutely not. She's walking right out the front. I have security. They will make sure our car is out front when we're ready to leave and escort us out if necessary."

"You do?" Santana asked.

"I do," Sue responded as the man shook his head in acknowledgement. "Thank you for asking, though."

"My pleasure, Ms. Sylvester. Please let us know if you need anything."

"We will," Sue said as the man dismissed himself from the conversation.

"When did security get here, Sue?" Santana asked.

"They've been with us all along. Followed us from your house. They're sitting right there having dinner. If things get dicey, they'll make their presence known but I don't want to make it look like all of a sudden you're all Hollywood and need a security detail. We'll keep it all lowkey for as long as we can."

"I didn't expect that many people. I've only got one and a half hits under my belt. There's far bigger scandals than mine to uncover."

"Safe to say you have two hits, and you're kind of becoming the new 'it' girl, so this was to be expected. If they didn't show up I'm doing something wrong with your career. So are you ready to go, or do you want dessert?"

"I'm ready to go."

"Great, and maybe next time you'll eat more than half a salad."

"Nerves"

"Understandable, but never let them see you sweat, Santana."

"You've got it"

"Great, let's go."

Sue paid the bill and then Santana took a deep breath as they made their way towards the door.

"Don't worry, if you get flustered I'll jump right in."

"Not gonna happen," Santana said, putting her game face on. Sue smiled. She liked this girl.

When Santana stepped out of the restaurant she was blinded by the flashing lights. She tried to remain aloof. She was dressed casually...tight black jeans, long sleeved motorcycle tee...basically her riding uniform. She had on leather gloves to keep her hands warm and an aviator jacket. As soon as she hit the sidewalk her car was right out front waiting. As Sue had instructed they walked quickly but casually to the car...not in a rush...not like they were avoiding anything.

"Santana...Santana!" Santana heard from all angles, but only acknowledged TMZ as Sue had instructed her to.

"Yes?" Santana answered with her brightest smile.

"Santana, what made you come forward with your story?"

"I had no reason to try and hide it. It's my story, my life, and the inspiration for the new foundation I'm starting 'Stronger than Shame'," Santana answered calmly.

"We love the song, Santana, it's very moving, and the website already has a lot of response after just a few hours."

"Well I'm very happy to hear that," Santana answered truthfully. "It means it provided a necessary space for some people to find understanding and healing and more importantly, maybe it will prevent someone from sharing someone else's image without their consent."

"What does your partner in the video have to say about you going public?"

Sue didn't look too happy about that question. She had instructed them to stay within the lines but it was TMZ after all. Still, if they wanted her to give them the scoop they need to be on the same page. They may be the most popular game in town, but they're not the only game. She would have a conversation with them about that.

"I didn't find it necessary to consult her," Santana answered honestly. "We parted ways long ago and I continue to wish her well. I harbor no ill will against her."

Sue was happy with the answer and the ease with which Santana gave it.

"And how will you feel should the video resurface. It's currently the most sought after video on the internet."

Sue watched closely to see if Santana gave away the panic she was likely feeling internally.

"I have lawyers to deal with that now. There are a lot of legalities involved with sharing someone's image that way, which is in part what my foundation hopes to empower victims of this type of exposure with...the knowledge that they are not totally helpless should something like this happen to them. There are ways to fight back. I'm prepared to lead by example if necessary. There will be no fight too big or too small for me to take on and when I win I will vigorously seek compensation and legal fees, no matter how much or how little the person has."

Sue loved that answer, and Santana was as cool as a cucumber when she gave it. She was warning the world...uploading that video comes at at steep price.

"That's enough for now," Sue said, placing her hand on Santana's back and moving her towards the car.

"What's next, Santana?"

"I just finished dinner, so a good night's sleep I guess," Santana smiled and the reporter laughed as she ducked her head in the car.

As soon as she was inside she sighed deeply and let her head fall back on the headrest.

"You did good, Santana."

"Thanks"

"You're really quick on your feet. That will help. You didn't seem rattled. The questions will get harder over time. You'll promote 'Girl' and 'Stronger' for a while and Will has already gotten quite a few interview requests. We'll look them over and see who you decide to speak to first."

"Don't want to do a sit down interview."

"Eventually it will be expected. You have a little time, don't worry."

"Just want to get home to Brittany."

"You've earned it. Sleep well, Santana. It will get crazy before things finally settle down."

"Well buckle up, Sue."

"I'll make sure that the ride is no bumpier than it needs to be, Santana."

"I'm sure of that, Sue," Santana smiled at her, before letting her head fall back once again and closing her eyes.

After a few minutes Santana called Brittany from the car, asking her if she wanted her to bring her in something for dinner. Brittany declined, saying that she had already eaten and that she just wanted Santana home. Brittany had been on the phone for most of the time that Santana was gone, first with Nani asking if Santana was really okay, followed by Olivia. Then Stan had called to find out how they were doing. Brittany couldn't help but ask what her mother had to say about it all. Stan told her not much, but Brittany knew that he was withholding the truth. In the end she decided it didn't matter, she wouldn't worry about what the woman could be plotting, she would just focus on what she could do to make this time easier for Santana. She would focus on preparing herself for her own announcement.

When Santana walked through the door Brittany felt a sense of relief. She was worried about the coming days for Santana, and she planned on busying herself keeping her fed and sexed and smiling as often as she could before she had to leave for a surprise stop on tour with Camille, a stop that now would gauge how the public reacts to Santana after the news has broken. Until then Brittany would care for her. Anything she needed would be hers. She doesn't know if she's told Santana how hard she's truly fallen for her, she's not good with words like Santana, but maybe she can show her this week.

"Hey baby," an exhausted Santana said as she walked through the door.

"Hey honey," Brittany replied, standing to greet Santana with a kiss at the door.

"It's getting cold out there."

"Come on in. There's some of that leftover soup, would you like a bowl?"

"Love your soup but I just came from dinner."

"Which I hope you actually ate."

"Ate some, not much, can't lie to you."

"Then let's share a bowl, just a small one, to warm you up."

"Thought you would warm me up, doll."

"I will, if you eat your soup."

"Did Sue teach you these tactics?"

Brittany laughed, "No, you can't blame this one on Sue."

"Good, because I like you as you are. I may have to play this twisted game but I'm glad that you don't."

"Everybody plays the game sometimes, Santana. Come on. Take off your boots and get comfortable while I put that soup on."

"Okay doll."

Brittany readied the soup while Santana got comfortable. Once it was ready she sat two bowls at the table and half a sandwich.

"Sandwich too huh? If Sue didn't get to you one of the Wright women did, or maybe abuela."

"Or maybe Wolf."

"Doubt it."

"Don't be so sure. He checked in on me. Asked me how you were. Said he didn't dare call you today because he knows how you are and he didn't want to hear your shit about him being the only one you could count on to leave you alone."

Santana laughed, but the admission made her feel warm inside.

"He's not wrong. Damn, life must be hard if Wolf checks in on you."

"He's trying to be a dad. Let him."

"I'll be 27 in a few weeks. Took him long enough."

"Better late than never."

"Maybe"

"You still don't trust him?"

"It hasn't been that long. Let's see if he can stay consistent. Anyway, thanks for the meal honey."

"Soup and sandwich seemed right. It reminded me of that night Nani came home drunk."

Santana laughed. "Good times," she smiled.

"And many more to come honey. Anyway, less talking and more eating."

"Say that to me in the bedroom." Santana smiled.

"Later," Brittany smiled in return. "Eat your food."

Santana smiled and took a spoonful of the hot soup. She hummed in appreciation.

"Love your cooking, Ohio. Food always tastes better when you make it."

"Glad you enjoy it honey. Anything you want me to make just let me know, even when you're on the road. I've gotten pretty good at sending care packages."

"Only want a care package if you deliver it personally. I miss you out there."

"Wherever you go, you'll find me there, remember?" Brittany referenced the lyrics to the song she's never heard.

"I'll never forget," Santana smiled.

"Good, and Santana, I'm ready."

Santana puts her spoon down and stand up smiling.

"What are you doing?" Brittany asked.

"You said you were ready," Santana beamed.

"Not for bed," Brittany laughed and Santana pouted.

"Ready for what then?"

"Ready to tell my story."

"Good," Santana smiled. "but you have the right to change your mind at any time until it's done."

"I know, but I won't. I just need a little help."

"With what honey?"

"I know you filmed yours at the studio and that you only trusted Lance to film for you. Do you think Lance could film mine as well?"

"It's not his specialty but he does a decent job. I'm sure he'd be happy to. He's on my payroll now so it's not exactly a favor."

"Yeah, and I don't want to do it at either of our places. I don't want to invite the world into our homes. I also don't want to do it in the studio like you did, that doesn't make sense."

"You could do it at the club. Holly wouldn't mind."

"That sounds great. Do you think I could speak to Holly myself, work out the logistics?"

"I'm sure she wouldn't mind. Let me give her a call in the morning and we'll work everything out."

"Thank you honey."

"Anything for you doll," Santana smiled. "Well, will you look at that."

"What?" Brittany asked quizzically.

"I finished all of my food," Santana beamed, her hands folded in front of her like a perfect student.

"Very good," Brittany smiled.

"And what do I get when I've been a good girl?" Santana asked smiling.

Brittany looked darkly into Santana's eyes.

"Anything you want, baby," Brittany said in a sultry voice, and Santana was certain that by the end of the night she would know that Brittany meant every word she said.

The following days turned into chaos. Her team and the label had planned for this, but not on this level. They couldn't have anticipated that a relatively unknown artist would garner this much response over a sex tape, but it wasn't the sex tape that was making all of the noise. It was the foundation, and it was that amazing song.

And it became this frenzy of Will fielding requests for interviews and performances. Invitations for all sorts of appearances were coming in for Pride events, trying to get to her first before she was booked up. Best of all, people were flooding the foundation site with stories, some more horrifying than others. Some people needed help, others just needed an outlet. Some wanted to know how to help people they loved get through times like she had. It all made Santana realize that there was nothing else on the internet like her foundation. It was truly needed.

And Santana felt like she was in over her head. She felt like she didn't have the time to grow it slowly. She never imagined it taking off like this in just days. She was overwhelmed, but she was learning quickly that her team and Cal had it under control. There was only one thing that Santana didn't like.

She had to leave home for a few days. The paparazzi wouldn't seem to leave the front of her building.

So what better thing to do than to work? To finish up her project, to stay away from home as much as possible and to check into a hotel close to the studio. She didn't want to piss off her neighbors. Everybody didn't deserve to lose their privacy because she was the hot topic of the month. During this time she kept her distance from her family...and from Brittany. It would only be for a week...less than a week at this point. She didn't want the spotlight on Brittany until she made her own announcement. It would only be five days, but it would be five lonely days without her working instead, and so she took joy in putting the finishing touches on the final tracks and in deciding which were her favorites in hopes that they would make the final cut on her first project.

It was her goal to try and at least have the tracks that her friends sung background vocals on make the cut. Her superstitions were at play and she felt that if they were on the project it would be a success. They had been there for her through the good and the bad, and she knows that their heart was in their vocals just as hers was on this project. She needed them there. Their voices give her words more soul.

She wishes she could have asked Nani to play the drums, or even her mother and aunt to sing, but that would be for a later project. She was too new of an artist to ask for such things. But one day, maybe, if she sticks around. All of a sudden she has her doubts about this artist thing. She loves singing, and she's heard the stories but nothing prepares you for when you see it first hand. This Camille thing...the betrayal of her secret getting out, the counter betrayal of Sue then threatening Camille with a secret. It's a lot, even for Wolf's kid.

The album was done. These days as people clamored for interviews and performances Santana tried to delay doing any interviews. Her thinking was the performances were fine, but if she could wait just one week before she gave her first interview it would take some of the heat off of Brittany. If she could schedule her first interview for the day that Brittany's video drops she can address it all for both of them, and maybe be a human shield for her girlfriend. It sounded perfect.

And so Will met with her to go over a list of the people who had offered her an interview. They joined Sue for lunch because Santana wanted to make daily appearances even before she accepted any performances. She didn't want to look like she was hiding after the announcement. The offers had been pouring in. People were loving "Stronger". The song resonated with so many who have overcome an obstacle, and people wanted to hear her perform it live. And so her little team had lunch and then retreated to Santana's suite so that they could discuss options.

"So Santana, it's been a pretty busy week," Will smiled.

"That's the understatement of the year."

"Congratulations on finishing your project."

"Thanks. Now the hard part, choosing which tracks make this project."

"Just remember what doesn't make this project is just available for the next one."

"Yeah," Santana said solemnly.

"What's the matter, Santana?" Will asked.

Santana sighed. "I don't know. A part of me thinks I'd like the behind the scenes better..."

"This business is a lot. It's shocking and exciting in the beginning, and you're rising faster than you could have ever hoped for. Stick with it, Santana. You'll find a fit that works for you." Will said.

"Are you still going on about the snow princess?" Sue asked frustrated.

"Cut it out Sue."

"Get over it!" Sue yelled. "There are girls who would kill for this opportunity. You're doing something special that the music business hasn't seen in a while. That's what you said you wanted to do..."

"I also said I didn't want to do it forever."

"You've been doing it for five minutes! Shake it off Santana. You know and I know and Noodle head over there knows that you're just having growing pains. We heard all of your dreams, and you've just begun. You're going to meet a million Camilles along the way, but Santana, this business won't meet a million yous. Take advantage of that." Sue said.

"Let's just go over these interviews," Santana started.

"You have a lot of great choices," Will smiled, opening a large envelope. "Who would be your dream interview?"

"I don't know," Santana sighed. "You've made it when Oprah calls," she threw out there sarcastically.

"Not yet , but will her bestie Gayle King do?"

Santana stared at him in shock. "Get out of here."

"The morning shows, the late night shows, they all want you Santana."

"Oh my Lord," Santana said.

"And they all want you to sing "Stronger."

"Too bad Ellen doesn't have a show anymore. Is it wrong for me to wish I could speak to a lesbian?"

"Why does it have to be a lesbian?" Sue asked.

"It doesn't have to be, but at the very least a strong ally of the LGBTQ community. Some of my backlash will come... probably has already come because I'm not checking online for any updates... about me being one of those immoral lesbians that doesn't politely eat her pussy with a knife and fork and a napkin tucked under her chin...sorry Will," Santana said as Will stared at her for using such a graphic description. "Still, it's true. A lesbian that looks like me gets a little more acceptance than a stud, even a soft stud, when we're all equally amazing. It's not fair really, that a lot of lesbians have had better success when they come out after they are already successful rather than entering the business as an out and proud lesbian. I get more acceptance because men either see me as part of their threesome fantasy or simply choose to ignore the whole lesbian thing and just see me as they would see a straight woman in their fantasies. But this video, this video is Santana Lopez being a fucking top and some people in this world are just not ready for that. Sure, the world is more open than it used to be, and the business is more open because there's a lot of gay behind the scenes in this business, but the world is not as accepting as it claims to be. You look at someone like Tyra B. who had some success and you wonder if she would have had more had she remained more femme. Who knows? I don't know her entire musical journey and people come and go in this industry at the drop of a hat, but when I go out it'll be the same way I came in...being true to myself."

"Well you know what people say about Oprah and Gayle..." Sue started.

"Don't start with me Sue. No stupid tabloid rumors from 1998. I want a strong ally or a lesbian to do the most lesbian interview I'll probably ever do. This is as much as the public will ever hear about my sex life."

"Will Robin Roberts do? Jenna Wolfe?"

"Shut the front door. 'Good Morning America' wants to interview me?"

"And a lot more. Should we go down the list?"

"No. Say no more. Robin Roberts would be perfect. I don't want to do a late night show. Not for the first interview. Those shows are fun, light hearted, lot's of banter and joking around. I want this to have a serious tone. The first one is the most important one."

"So it's decided," Will smiled.

"I still want to keep a copy of that list. My family would love to see that."

"Sure," Will smiled, handing Santana the envelope.

"So do you think you're ready for this. We can schedule you with your publicist again..." Sue started.

"No. I can handle myself. I don't want any canned answers. I've got it, that is if you can make it happen where it will air on Friday. If Robin can't do that then we go with Jenna Wolfe and we work our way down the list. I want it to air on Friday."

"That's cutting it close." Will said.

"I'm kind of a hot ticket right now. Somebody will bite. Make it happen, Will."

"Oh now that's the spirit. That may have been the most diva thing you've done in your first 5 minutes of fame. I'm a proud mentor right now."

"Quit it Sue," Santana snapped.

"Now you're pushing it," Sue said with a scowl and Will smiled. He wasn't worried about Santana leaving the business. Seems as if she was getting more comfortable with her place in it than she even realized.

While Santana was busy fielding interview and performance requests, Brittany was busy working on her video. Santana had inspired her with 'Stronger" and she knew exactly how she wanted to make her video, even if she didn't know exactly how to tell her story. Santana told her to make it quick and simple, and so she will. She'll tell her story, her whole story, and she will take her power back.

On the day that she was to film she left work early and met with Lance. her hair looked beautiful as she carried the small old duffle bag she had taken back from Ohio. Once she reached the building she changed while Lance set up his camera. She was nervous, but at peace at the same time. Santana wanted to be there for her when she did this, but she wanted to do this alone. She told Santana it will be like one of her songs...she wants to see Santana react when the rest of the world sees it. So she and Lance sat together for an hour, just to get a five minute and forty second video perfect.

That same day Santana sat down with Robin Roberts and told her story in her own words...told how a young lesbian found her first love, how that love and it's pitfalls eventually taught her what real love was, and what self love is. She thought about Brittany as she told her tale. How Brittany always marvels at how Santana never pressures her, always says 'whatever you want' to her, didn't even mention using a strap or anything else until Brittany brought it up. Brittany hasn't made the connection yet but Santana knows that eventually she will as Santana tells her story as many times as she needs to tell it until it fades into the background. Santana takes it slow, never pushes, because she has felt the pressure to please someone you love. Brittany has felt it as well, and Santana has learned that love doesn't work that way. Brittany is still healing, and maybe one day she will gently ask for the things she would like to try, but for now she wants her love to be a healing love to Brittany, and she wants her to first know that she never has to try and please her. She thinks that one day Brittany will know that as well. She thinks that maybe Brittany already knows that.

That Friday morning Brittany took the first day off of her one week vacation that she had requested. Her job didn't find it strange that she would be staring her vacation on a Friday instead of a Monday, after all she was dating a singer and they all quietly wondered why she didn't travel with Santana more. Santana took the day off as well. As sought after as she was she let Will know that she meant it, that Friday belonged to Brittany. That morning the two of them sat together and waited for her segment to show on Good Morning America. Sugar had offered up the club for everyone to watch it together just as they had done so many of the things that Santana has done these days. The New Years eve performance had been a big bash at the club as the patrons celebrated with them. This would be more solemn, but it will also give those who know her best their first chance to see her speak and to find out if she really was okay. She may be able to fool the rest of the world but those who love her...they will know. She hasn't been able to see them face to face, but she talks to them when she can, and she will text with them all of the time. She misses them, but she will see them all when Camille's tour reaches New York City. They'll be right there to see her when she's surprises the crowd and comes out to sing "Deeper". It will be the first time they've seen her perform professionally live. Everybody is very excited, especially Santana, who can't believe that she'll be performing in her hometown at Madison Square Garden, a place she's gone to see so many of her own favorites perform.

Santana woke up early. She couldn't sleep. At 6am she checked her DVR again to make sure it was set to record Good Morning America. Then she started coffee and breakfast. She wanted to sit at her piano but she didn't want to wake Brittany, and so she hummed the tune that was running in her head into her phone and recorded it to work on later. That happens a lot these days, a song popping in her head. Song after song after song, but mostly Brittany's song. It's finally done and just in time. Valentine's day is less than two weeks away. Santana wants to make it special. Then her birthday is ten days later. She's hoping they can go away on a romantic trip. Where, she doesn't know, and she doesn't care, just as long as she has Brittany to herself.

As breakfast cooked Santana decided to tidy up the already tidy apartment. Good Morning America comes on at 7a.m. but Santana's segment won't air until the 8 o clock hour. She and Brittany had fallen asleep holding each other close after Santana had gone down on her for what seemed like forever. She just wanted to tell her that she loved her. She made love to her that way slowly, so slowly, until Brittany couldn't take any more and then she pulled her in close. She pulled her in close and just stared into her eyes as if studying her. This woman...this woman was driving her insane. This woman has put so much music in her. Santana's writing more than ever before. Brittany smiled softly at her and Santana just wanted to cry. She's scared for her, more scared for her than she is about how people will receive her first interview. She wanted to put a bubble around her and Brittany knew it...she felt it...as Santana hummed "I love you" into her sex over and over again until Brittany was consumed by that love. Brittany knew, and she felt protected because of it.

At 6:45 Brittany entered the kitchen and greeted Santana, who prepared two plates that they would eat in the living room so that they could turn on the tv. They wanted to see everything, every announcement, until the interview started.

As the hour neared for Santana's segment Brittany could see her nerves growing. She was fidgety, clearing away the breakfast items and quickly returning to the couch where she grew more quiet with each passing moment. Brittany just held her close, pulling a blanket that was folded on the back of the couch and placing it over them as they curled into one another. Finally it was announced that her interview was up next, followed by Santana performing "Stronger" 'live' for the first time. It was pre recorded of course. Good Morning America is a live show but will sometimes pre record interviews. The performance was harder to pull off, and so they had Robin Roberts interview Santana intimately...just Santana sitting at the piano and Robin sitting across from her, and after Santana's truth had been told Robin would ask Santana to perform "Stronger" for her as the lights dropped and the studio became black, highlighting only Santana singing at the piano and Robin sitting across from her. It was intimate and in a few moments it would be played for the world to see and afterwards briefly commented on by the Good Morning America panel.

Santana and Brittany listened closely as the interview began, Robin first telling a brief synopsis of Santana's story, a young girl with big dreams who came out to her family and fell in love with a girl. How that girl made a mistake that sent Santana into a spiral that threatened her life and took away her desire to sing. How Santana fought back and is now a rising star with a powerful new song and a foundation that offers hope to those who are in a situation that she was once in.

After the intro the interview starts and Robin is respectful as she asks Santana to tell her story in her own words and she does. She tells it as powerfully as she did on her own site, and then Robin follows up with a series of questions. It was nothing scandalous. It was Santana going deeper into her eating disorder, her darkest hours before she decided to fight back. Her talking about her cousin Nani, her friends at Holly's in Manhattan (her way of paying it forward and getting more people into the club), the women in her family who all helped her find her strength. She talked about the Tainted Angels (with their permission for her to use the club's name in her interviews since people were finding out she was a member anyway). She talked about how they all helped her, how riding helped her, a lifestyle her dad...a man they call Wolf...helped her to find as a young girl. She fit as much of her life as she could into three minutes and by the time Robin asked Santana to sing 'Stronger' she felt like it had been a good start, a good first interview addressing things. On Monday she would be flying off to Hollywood to film Jimmy Kimmel Live with Brittany at her side. She would do another interview, this time where she would delicately have to sidestep questions about Brittany. Still, she was ready.

Santana sang that song so powerfully that Robin had tears in her eyes at the end, and then she gave Robin a soft smile, a smile that showed a woman who possessed all of the hope in the world. Robin smiled back and thanked her for her performance, rained words of encouragement and support on her, and then the camera cut to the panel. Robin gave some statistics about how many people a day had their images shared without their permission and how important it was that Santana was bringing light to the situation. She went on to say how wonderful it was to sit down and speak with Santana. She spoke about how the foundation was growing quickly and the response that it was getting. Then the three co hosts added how brave and talented they thought that Santana was and how powerful her music was. They said they couldn't wait to hear more from the talented and interesting girl who had lived so much life already at 26 years old. Robin then finished up by saying that Santana appeared wise beyond her years and that she had an old soul, and that her music reflects that. Then the panel thanked Robin for her report and they moved on to the next segment.

Santana finally let the air out of her lungs and Brittany leaned over to kiss her.

"You were amazing honey. You did so great."

"Thank you."

"Really, you were perfect, and that performance never changes with you. It's always you laying it all out there every time you sing that song and I can't believe you can pull up those emotions each and every time."

"It's because the emotions are there each and every time. I don't know if it will always be that way but for now I feel it as deeply as the day I wrote it every time I have to perform it. It's part of my healing and growing I guess. The final part I hope now that the world knows about what once had me willing to die rather than face the world with my shame."

"I hope it feels that good for me, too."

"I hope so too, baby. I know you must be nervous."

Just then Santana's phone rang. She looked at it and sent the call to voicemail and then placed it on silent mode.

"Santana, people want to speak to you after the interview. Was that Nani?"

"My mom, and they can wait. I'm talking to you now. How are you feeling, doll?"

Brittany sighed. "You're doing this so gracefully. I just hope my video, that my confession, is as natural and as genuine and as flawless as yours has been."

"I have a PR team..."

"Whose advice you haven't taken. You spoke from your heart..."

"And you spoke from yours, and when you are true to your heart you can never go wrong."

"How was it for you, that moment you first stepped outside after the video was released?" Brittany asked quietly.

'Scary, but not the kind of scary that I felt, that you probably felt too, when you wanted it all to stay a secret but you thought everyone who looked at you knew. Yes, more people know, but I told them to break the chains that had me locked to my shame. I know you're scared, scared to go back to work, scared that the cameras are going to flash in your face the way they flashed in mine that first night. It may happen...not today, but the first couple of times that we go out together probably. So we can postpone that, or we can walk out of here together like we planned. It's up to you."

"We walk out together, Santana." Brittany said firmly.

"It's why I was a little worried about us staying here instead of a hotel. Don't want people hanging around your place, don't want them hanging around here either, but it's a necessary evil. Maybe we should have just stayed at the hotel I could have booked it for one more night but I missed you, and I missed home, and I don't know I just wanted us to be in our most comfortable place when this all happened. I can get you out of here now before your video drops if you've changed your mind. We have a couple of hours. You can leave first and I'll meet you at a hotel or something. Whatever you need, Brittany."

"I just need it to be noon. I need it to be over and I hope I'm left feeling like you feel."

"Brittany, I will get you on a plane or a boat and whisk you right out of Manhattan until the smoke clears if that's what you want, and it's not too late to scrap the video altogether."

"No Santana, I can do this."

"Okay honey. Hey, you want to listen to my entire family encourage us. I've missed at least a dozen calls by now."

Brittany laughed. "Your friends don't know about me," she said quietly all of a sudden, realizing that only Santana's family was in that room when she disclosed her secret and that Holly may have figured it out when she heard that Brittany had some sort of video to film.

"And you know they won't care."

"I know, but for some reason it feels like I was lying to them."

"Who cares? I lie to them all of the time when I let them think that I like them."

Brittany laughed and then sighed. "I don't know how I'm going to make it until noon."

"I have an idea," Santana smiled cheekily.

"Always ready," Brittany said smiling and shook her head.

"I am, but I wasn't talking about that, I mean, unless that's what you really want," Santana looked at Brittany hopefully.

"I always want you. Always. But what did you initially have in mind?" Brittany smiled.

"Come with me, doll" Santana stood, taking Brittany's hand and helping her up from the couch. She went over to the piano and pulled out the stool for Brittany to sit. Then she sat next to her, gently tugging at the stool so that Brittany stood a little so that Santana could pull it forward.

Santana let her fingers run across the keys. Brittany loved it so much when she did that.

"Any requests?" Santana smiled.

"What was that you were just playing?"

"Something that was running through my head this morning."

"It's beautiful. Are you going to keep working on it?"

"I don't know. Need to work on a few up tempo songs. All of these ballads and Celine Dion is going to be very angry with me. Might be kind of sexy to hear somebody tell me to stay in my lane in French besides Pu, though," Santana said and Brittany laughed. "You want a co writing credit on a song?" Santana asked smiling.

"I could never write a song."

"Sure you can." Santana said. "You already have if I'm being honest."

"What are you talking about?"

"The number of lyrics that just pop into my head when I look at you, when I kiss you, the melodies I hear when I make love to you. You've written a dozen songs and don't even know it. So let's write one right now."

Brittany smiled. "You're crazy. Sweet, but crazy."

"Let's do it, Ohio." Santana said as her fingers ran across the keys. "What are you feeling right now?"

"Happy, scared, loved, ummmmm," Brittany pondered her feelings.

"That's a good start." Santana encouraged her. "What story do you feel like telling? What does the music make you feel?"

"I don't know..." Brittany said shyly.

"Think of it like dance. When you're dancing alone just fooling around, is every move done perfectly? Do they instantly fit together or do you sometimes have to rearrange it, like a song? You may keep the move but decide to move it to the end of the dance. Throw some thoughts and feelings around, and then we'll rearrange them to fit. Throw out some feelings and we'll make a feelings stew out of it."

Brittany laughed. "A feelings stew?"

"See, I just threw something out there. Maybe it'll make one of my songs one day. Lately I have so many of them in me." Santana smiled.

"Okay, ummm, don't laugh."

"I won't laugh. I would never do that. This is art, Brittany. It's whatever you want to say however you want to say it and there is no right or wrong. It's just for you. I'm not submitting it for Grammy consideration. Pick something silly to sing about and then maybe one day we'll write something more serious together."

Brittany laughed, "Ok. Ummmm...I'm thirsty."

"Want me to get you something?"

"No, I'll get it. Gives me time to think a little."

"Okay," Santana said. She stood and as Brittany fumbled around in the kitchen she grabbed her guitar and moved to the couch. She started strumming the guitar playing around with some chord combos.

"You give up on me?" Brittany said, returning with her drink.

"No. I figured if you're struggling we'll struggle together. I haven't been practicing the guitar much lately. I know the label wants me to take lessons but it's been impossible to fit much in besides from working with my vocal coach. I need to keep at it until my schedule begins to make sense. Sue says I need to stop throwing things at the label so that they can focus on getting me ready for my own tour. She says that I'll probably be touring a year from now, maybe even sooner at the rate I'm going."

"That sounds exciting."

"For both of us. I need you to drop in any time you can. See the world with me."

"I would love to, Santana."

Santana smiled and started strumming her guitar. She began playing an easy, up tempo, fun tune.

"What's that?" Brittany asked.

"Don't know. Just something that wouldn't piss Celine Dion off."

Brittany laughed and then smiled cheekily at Santana.

"What?"

"Something silly just popped into my head that's all."

"Well let's make a song out of it."

Brittany chuckled before she began to sing along to Santana playing the guitar. Brittany began doing the cutest little dance as she sang.

"In the middle of the night,

I'm in bed, alone

Don't care if you're glass, paper, styrofoam

When I need some water, baby

Coffee or gin

You're the only thing I want to put them in

My cup, my cup

Sayin', "What's up?"

To my cup, my cup

More of a friend than a silly pup

My cup

You know what it is

Sayin', "What's up?"

To my cup (Ahh)

I'm sayin', "What's up?"

To my cup (Ahh)

I'm sayin', "What's up?"

To my cup (Ahh)"

Santana is cracking up as she strums the guitar.

"You must have really been thirsty. You're singing about a cup?"

Brittany winked at her and continued singing.

"I've got you in the palm of my hand

wanna put something hot in you

something hot that you can't stand (That you can't stand)

gonna take you to my lips empty out every last drop

so thirsty for what's in you baby

that I can't stop (that I can't stop)"

"So maybe it's not about a cup," Santana smiled and Brittany winked at her. When she finished singing she plopped down on the couch next to Santana who was laughing hysterically.

"I love when you laugh like that. You don't do that enough these days."

"It's because I'm not around you enough these days."

"Well maybe we can fix that. I've got a lot of vacation time, you know, because I didn't have a life before we met," Brittany chuckled.

"Britt, that would make me so happy."

"Yeah, you can thank Nani and Lexi in part for that. They've been telling me that if you want to enjoy this once in a lifetime ride with me I should buckle up and enjoy the ride. I have to admit seeing new places would be so much more fun with you."

"Remind me that I owe Nani and Lexi a dinner."

"Last time you sent them out to dinner together they ended up becoming a couple. Maybe the next time Lexi will propose."

Santana laughed, "They are lesbians. We can move pretty fast sometimes."

"I'm starting to understand that." Brittany smiled.

The little song writing exercise managed to calm the ladies down a bit, and finally Santana turned up her phone and returned some of her calls. Her entire family had called and Holly as well. So did Sue, but Santana wasn't in the mood to talk about work. She and Brittany returned the calls together, speaking with the speaker on, and it helped the time fly by. Before Brittany knew it Santana was turning on the smart tv and making her way to the "Stronger than Shame" website. She expected there to be a lot of traffic, as the site had a banner announcing that "another inspiring story of triumph over trauma" would be shared there at noon.

It was now 11:35 a.m.

The ladies sat and waited, all of a sudden a little more quiet than they had been the past couple of hours. Santana pulled Brittany in close as they sat on the couch. As the final seconds ticked down on the countdown clock on the site Brittany took a deep breath.

"I love you Brittany, more than words can say."

Brittany's eyes looked up and she was met with the softest, kindest smile. "I hope our kids have that smile" was all Brittany could think.

"I love you too Santana, and thank you."

"For what?"

"For you, for all of you, for this crazy ride you have me on. A year ago I was living in a shell, and today I finally come totally out of it."

Santana squeezed Brittany's hand. "It's time Britt."

The ladies fixed their eyes on the tv screen as the final seconds counted down. When the clock hit zero Brittany appeared on the screen. Even under the circumstances Santana couldn't help but to think first of how beautiful the woman is. All she could see was what looked like a white top she had never seen Brittany in before, and she couldn't make out where she was. It didn't look like the club.

"Hello, my name is Brittany S. Pierce, and I wanted to share my story with you. When I was 18 I fell in love with one of my oldest friends. I'm from a small town in the midwest, and at the time I had big dreams. I wanted to dance, just like he did, but soon we would be graduating and off the separate colleges, and so I think we finally became a couple partly out of love, but also partly out of fear of what this big world had in store for us. It was our way to keep a part of home. We became each other's safe link to the place that we had come from.

It was during that first year of awkwardness and home sickness and the challenges of trying to maintain a long distance relationship that my boyfriend asked me to send him a few nude photos. For months I said 'no', every fiber of my being said 'no', and yet like so many people do when they love someone I finally gave into his wishes. He was one of my oldest friends, and we were in love, and I knew he would never willingly share them with anyone. I trusted him that much. What I didn't take into account was that someone would possibly steal them.

Long story short what started out as something that was initially shared around his dorm and then his campus eventually became something that was shared with the world via the internet, and when that happened my world fell apart.

My mother blamed me for what happened. I felt like I lost everything, even though my boyfriend, my friends, and my stepfather never blamed me. Still, each of my relationships became strained. My boyfriend and I broke up. My friends didn't know how to support us although they did their best. After college I never returned to my small town, not until I met someone who changed my life.

I moved to a large city because I could get lost there, and I was for a while, until I found everything there. I had given up my dreams of dancing because I lived in constant fear that someone...everyone would see me and know my secret. I went to work and I went home...day in and day out that was the only life I allowed myself to live. I took a few classes that explored my hobbies and occasionally I'd go out to celebration dinners with my co workers when the rest of my office went. I avoided meeting people and making friends. I spent my holidays alone at home. I had work, classes two days a week, and my cat. I thought that I was happy, but the only true happiness I had was that nobody there knew my dark secret...my shame.

It was by chance that I met Santana Lopez. She had been a model in my art class one night and then a few weeks later we ran into one another in a coffee shop. She sat and talked to me and eventually told me her story. It was weeks before I shared my own with her, but during that time she befriended me, began to help me emerge from my shell, and began to slowly show me that there is life after the type of trauma that we had suffered. We began to hang out, I made some new friends, and remembered what it was like to live again. I was given the gift of community, and that is what we all have here at 'Stronger than Shame', a community of people who can support one another as we reclaim our lives.

As a teen I wish I had a song like "Stronger than Shame" when I was going through things. I wish I had a site like this, but we survived this so that we could tell our stories and help others survive it too. So that they can witness others reclaim what they have lost, and begin to reclaim what is precious to them as well.

Anyone who has listened to Santana sing "Stronger than Shame" can hear her journey, and I wanted anyone who could see to be able to see my journey. I haven't danced in a long time, but I wanted to dance for you, for us...all of us, who wish to rise above our pain and self blame. The shame doesn't belong to us, it belongs to those who harmed us. I know that now, and I hope that anyone who is still suffering out there will know that one day as well and take back what they've lost. My name is Brittany S. Pierce, and I can dance again, because I am finally stronger than my shame."

The camera pans out and Santana can finally see what Brittany is wearing, a soft, flowing white dress that came down to just above her knees. Her hair flowed freely down her back and across her shoulders in loose curls. And Santana can finally see that Brittany is in a dance studio as the opening notes to 'Stronger' begins to play and Brittany takes her place in the middle of the floor and begins to dance.

Santana is in tears. This is the first time seeing her really dance, and she never knew how truly good her blonde was. Just as anyone listening to 'Stronger' could hear Santana's hopelessness and pain anyone watching Brittany dance could see hers. They could see this talent that was set aside because of shame, and that the real shame was that the world may never have gotten to see her dance. She's brilliant, and as she listens to the love of her life sing about a hopelessness they shared long before they shared their lives together Brittany dances. She dances for all of the dances she never got to dance. She dances the pain away, and when that musical interlude comes and Santana's transformation into hopefulness and joy comes so does Brittany's and in that moment Santana felt like she wrote this song just so that Brittany could have this moment but in reality now she truly sees it. Now Santana truly knows that this is not simply a powerful song for her...that this song has power. It gives power, and right now Brittany is dancing like she's dancing on a star. Like she's above the entire world and nothing it says or does can touch her. This may have really been Brittany's moment...the first moment she's truly felt stronger than her shame.

When the dance ended and Lance had the camera fade out all Santana could do was continue to stare at the screen and wish for more. She wanted more. She wanted to see her dance like that all of the time. Finally she looked at her lover.

"Britt, baby, you're a dancer." Santana said in awe.

"I thought you knew that already," Brittany smiled.

"No...I mean like...you should be in a company somewhere..."

Santana was speaking out loud but mainly to herself. She was flabbergasted. Thankfully the most beautiful thing began to happen and it snapped her out of her haze.

Brittany's phone began ringing like crazy.

Everyone at Holly's was shocked when Brittany came on the screen. They knew a new testimonial would be released on Santana's site that day and since they had all gotten up early to see Santana's GMA interview they figured it made sense to watch the video at noon. Holly had provided breakfast and some of them had stayed to practice their sets since they were already in early. They were all just laughing and joking around when of all people Brittany appeared on the screen.

"Oh my Lord," Mercedes said.

"It's Brittany," Sam said as everyone just instantly quieted down and listened to her story.

"Poor Brittany," Sugar shook her head.

And then after her confession they watched as she danced. She danced and it was one of the most beautiful things they had ever seen.

"She really can dance," Rachel said.

"That is an understatement. She dances on a professional level." Quinn said.

"We should call her," Finn said.

"When she answers we all need to yell out that we love her," Kurt added.

Quinn dialed her number.

"It's Quinn," Brittany said, looking at her phone curiously.

"Go ahead, answer it." Santana said.

"Hello" Brittany said into the phone.

"WE LOVE YOU BRITTANY!" they all yelled in unison.

"You did so good!"

"Girl you can dance!"

"We're so proud of you"

Nothing but love and encouragement was coming through the phone, and Santana was so thankful for her friends and how they were supporting Brittany.

"Thank you guys," Brittany smiled into the phone fighting back tears. Another call was coming through for Brittany.

"Thanks for calling. Somebody is on the other line..."

"Ok Brittany we love you"

"Come by soon. Bring Satan with you."

"I heard that!" Santana rolled her eyes.

"Hi Santana! We love you!"

"Love you guys too. We have to go, we'll see you soon" Santana said.

"Bye" Brittany heard from various voices as she switched over to the next call.

"Hi Stan"

"Well done sunshine. I'm proud of you."

"Thank you. How are you?"

"I'm good Sunshine. I loved seeing you dance again. I was in tears. Melissa called. She couldn't believe you're still that good."

"I'm rusty," Brittany smiled.

"You're perfect." Stan said as Brittany's call was interrupted yet again by another call...

"I'll call you back Stan. I love you. Santana's mom is calling me..."

"Okay sweetheart. Love you too."

And so it went, Liv and her boyfriend spoke to Brittany before they were interrupted, and Brittany tried to answer each call. Nani and Lexi called, Gladys and her husband called, even Wolf picked up the phone. Abuela cried. Melissa sounded like an actual proud little sister. Even Brittany's boss called. He wanted to let her know that she had his support. Brittany never imagined that everyone would come out and support her that way...especially her job. It was amazing and afterwards Santana and Brittany held each other close for at least an hour without even saying a word.

Soon they were interrupted by Santana's phone ringing. It was then that she remembered that she hadn't returned Sue's call.

"What's going on Sue?"

"Wanted to congratulate you on the interview. The label loved it. They're pretty pleased with everything so far. Listen, you've got quite a bit of company hanging around outside of your building, and even more since Brittany's statement."

"Kind of figured that may happen."

"So do you need an escape plan?"

Santana looked at Brittany who seemed so at peace.

"Britt, Sue says there's a small crowd downstairs. Do we need her help getting us out of here?"

Brittany looked at Santana for a moment in deep thought.

"No," she smiled. "Let's take your bike. I feel like going for a ride."