'I hear that Potter's been expelled,' said Malfoy loudly enough that everyone could hear. He looked like Christmas and Birthday, as my dad says.
We mostly ignored him, though some of the Hufflepuffs looked up and at the Gryffindor queue. I had a quick glance. A very quick one. Sure enough, no Potter. No Ron Weasley, either, though the twins were there and looking worried, which was weird. I had never seen them looking worried before.
'I gather he was arrested for stealing a car,' said Malfoy.
'Be quiet, Mr Malfoy,' said The Proflet. 'Don't parade your ignorance.'
I'll say this for The Proflet. He may be short but he can hand out put-downs like the finest.
'I wonder where Snape is,' muttered Tony Goldstein. The Proflet glanced at him but the doors opened before he could say anything and we all surged into the Dining Hall.
The only surprise at The Feast (apart from Ravenclaw's acquisition of a girl with a completely spherical blonde afro hairdo, like a vast dandelion clock) was the announcement of that Gilderoy Lockhart had joined the staff. That was absolutely stellar. Even I had heard of him. Mum thought he was the bee's knees, though Dad said he looked like a second hand car dealer. Snape and McGonagall reappeared while people were still cheering and Lockhart was lapping it up. McGonagall looked as severely disapproving as she always did but Snape looked as though he had bitten on an unripe lemon.
'Snape looks upset,' said Tony.
'I expect he's discovered that Harry hasn't been expelled after all,' said Boot. 'Nothing else could make Snape look so sour.'
'Either that or he doesn't like Lockhart,' said Tony.
'Oh, come on! Everyone likes Lockhart,' burbled Mandy Brocklehurst.
'He looks a bit flash to me,' I said.
'I think I'll reserve judgement on him,' said Boot.
It was a pretty weird year that one, what with attacks and the school nearly closing but it really hit home how strange things were going to get when Filch's cat was frozen. We were heading for Charms and got tangled up with a bunch of first years who were going to Binns's history classroom when this screaming started. Dandelion girl was being minded by Penny Clearwater because there had been a bit of bullying. Penny was trying to steer Dandelion away from the screaming and Dandelion was determinedly pushing her way forward and seemed oblivious to the noise. We turned the corner and there was the cat hanging by her tail with Filch wringing his hands and Potter and his crew trying to look inconspicuous and failing miserably.
Dandelion stopped and stared. Her eyes, which were always slightly protuberant, bulged even more when she was excited. 'Now that is interesting,' she said.
'Come on Luna," said Penny, trying to pull her away. 'Mr Binns is just down here.'
'What's interesting?' I said and she turned her searchlights on me.
'They don't usually roost in buildings,' she said.
'Well, of course she doesn't,' I said. 'She's a cat. They don't roost.'
'She's a Bwilti,' she said. 'She's not a cat, but it's a mistake a lot of people make. They roost in trees, hanging by their tails. I've known she was a Bwilti for some time.'
'Please, Mike,' said Penny, looking harassed. 'Don't lead her on.'
'Sorry,' I said. 'I didn't mean to. I was wondering what she was talking about.'
Penny gave me a 'Don't we all?' look.
'Expressing an interest is not leading me on,' said Dandelion. She gave me a swift smile and marched off to her lesson.
Penny made sure that she was settled and gave me a disapproving frown as she walked past me to her own lesson. I didn't like the thought of upsetting Penny. She was great. And she was a prefect. Upsetting prefects was not wise especially when they're beautiful they.
'What's all that about?' said Tony.
'Someone got to Mrs Norris,' I said. I didn't want to talk about Penny. 'Not before time.'
'Oh, that. Was it Potter?'
I shrugged. 'He seemed very keen to let everyone know it was nothing to do with him,' I said.
'Actually, I was wondering whether it was Loony,' he said.
'Don't call her that,' I advised him. 'You'll get into a whole heap of trouble. I think the first years are giving her a hard time and you don't want to get tarred with that brush.'
'Well, she may be as weird as a stoat but apparently she's absolutely shit hot at Charms and Transfiguration,' he said. 'I heard McGonagall and The Proflet talking about her and she's OWL standard already. Pretty sharp at Potions, too.
'I bet Snape loves her,' I said.
'I heard that he tries to get at her and she totally ignores him,' said Mandy.
'Good for her,' I said. 'I wish I could.'
It took another attack before anyone actually did anything. I reckoned that the staff were as confused by the whole thing as the students, so when Mad Camera Boy was attacked the staff's reaction was to set up a duelling club so we could be taught to defend ourselves. That would have been a great idea if
Whoever was doing the attacking agreed to abide by Gobfletcher's Rules Of The Duello Magicorum and
If the club hadn't been set up by that idiot Lockhart.
There was no c).
I was paired with Mandy, who may be small but she packs a wicked wand. I was absolutely determined not to be outfought by her because Penny was right next to me and I didn't want to look stupid in front of Penny. In the event it didn't matter much because
Lockhart could make anyone look intelligent by comparison and
The whole thing rapidly descended into a shambles and no-one saw Mandy disarm me in the chaos.
Boot got a bloody nose, which was quite entertaining, but I was certain that it wasn't my spell that hit him. Mind you, with the speed that Mandy disarmed me my spell could have gone anywhere.
The only real outcome of the duelling club was that most of the school now knew the Expelliamus spell and for a couple of weeks nobody's wand was safe.
But still nobody knew who the attacker was. And the next attack was worse, or, if not worse, stranger. Fletch, who was a friend of mine in Hufflepuff, was hit, and who should discover him but Mr Potter himself. Fletch is Muggleborn, which sort of reinforced the theory that Muggleborns were the target, except that one of the ghosts was frozen as well and they could in no way be classed as Muggleborn. It was beginning to look to me as though the attacks were random and the victims were just in the wrong place.
A few days after Fletch was attacked I was on my way to a Library lesson when I saw Penny with Dandelion Girl staring at one of the windows. I wandered over, mainly to have a chance to talk to Penny.
Penny looked up and smiled, which was wonderful.
'What are you looking at?' I said, peering at what turned out to be a line of spiders scuttling out of a crack in the glass.
'The spiders are going on holiday," said Dandelion Girl.
'Oh come on, Luna, said Penny. 'They're just squeezing through a gap.'
'No. If you look closely you will see that they are carrying suitcases.'
I peered at the spiders, trying not to get too close, and, sure enough, most of them were carrying a little black square thing with one of their legs.
'What do you think they've got in the cases?' I said. 'Spare web? Fangbrushes?'
'Probably bits of fly for snacking on their journey,' said Luna, looking at me seriously.
'Mike, could you do me a favour?" Penny asked.
'Sure,' I said. Anything.
'I've got to get up to the Observatory Tower. Can you escort Luna to Professor McGonagall's room?'
'That's no problem,' I said. 'It's on my way.' My heart was singing and I must have been grinning like a maniac as we walked down the corridor to the Transfiguration classroom.
'Of course, it must be a basilisk,' said Luna.
'What must be a basilisk?' I said, thinking this was another Bwilti.
'The monster,' she said.
'What's a basilisk?' I asked, wondering whether I wanted to know the answer.
'It's a giant snake,' she said. 'It catches its prey by petrifying it with a glance of its eyes.'
'I'd be pretty petrified if I saw a giant snake,' I said.
'You just mean you'd be very frightened,' she said. 'Basilisks actually turn people to stone by looking at them.'
'Do they eat the stone then?' I asked.
'I don't think anyone has had a chance to find out,' she said. 'I've thought it might be a basilisk for some time, but it was the spiders that clinched it.' And she slipped into the Transfiguration classroom.
I didn't have much to do in the Library lesson, or not much that I felt like doing, so I found myself looking up 'Basilisk' in one of the bestiaries.
And what do you know? There it was: Giant snake, check. Petrifying eyes, check. Preys on spiders, check.
I called Tony, Mandy and Padi Patil over. Boot came too.
'Look at this,' I whispered. 'I saw some spiders piling out of a window and thought of this.' Which was true, though I might have glossed over some stages in my reasoning. Boot had been quite patronising in his comments on my results and I thought the others were beginning to look sideways at me. I wanted to prove that I was just as much a proper Ravenclaw as he was.
Even Boot was impressed. 'We need to start practising some anti-snake spells,' he said. 'Herpetomortis is good, if you can say it fast enough.'
'I thought that was something to do with spots on you face,' said Tony.
'It's the spell Eloise Midgen tried on her acne,' said Mandy. 'Oh! Of course! That was why she ended up with her cheeks all covered in scales.'
'Not a good look,' said Boot nodding sagely. 'And the vertical eye-slits didn't help either.'
'We ought to practice it,' said Tony. 'Pity there aren't any snakes in the castle to practice on.'
'We could try the Forest,' I said, and they looked at me strangely.
'Snakeo had a spell that produced a snake at the duelling mess,' said Padi. 'We could try that.'
'Yeah. Serpensortia,' said Tony. 'Pointing down with that little left flick at the end.'
We found an empty classroom during the lunch break and Tony tried the spell. There was a green flash and a snake emerged at speed from his wand, heading straight for Boot.
'Aargh, you idiot!' he shouted jumping on a chair. 'Not at me! Kill it! Kill it!'
I couldn't say anything because I was laughing too much, but Mandy managed to get out a respectable 'Herpetomortis' and the snake burst into flames.
'That was fun,' I said. 'Can we do it again?'
By the end of the break we were all reasonably proficient at Herpetomortis. I was quietly confident though I was aware that there might be a bit of a difference between a spell snake and a damn great reptile sufficiently magical to Petrify a ghost.
There weren't any attacks for a while and the hysteria started to die down. Life returned to normal and Quidditch, as ever, became the balm to everybody's soul. The next match was between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff so my interest was fairly academic. I decided at the last minute to get my coat, as I reckoned the day was a lot cooler than it looked, so I was running late and hurrying down a corridor when I saw two figures hunched down by a corner. I recognised Penny straight away and my heart sort of sped up, but I didn't recognise Granger until she looked around and gestured to me to keep away, or keep quiet, or something.
I crept up to them. 'What's going on?' I whispered.
'There's something moving around the corner," breathed Granger. 'I think it's the monster.'
'It's a basilisk,' I said. 'A big snake.'
Granger looked at me. 'How do you know that?' she said.
'Worked it out,' I said.
'Shhh!' hissed Penny. 'It'll hear you.'
'It's okay,' I said cockily. 'I know how to deal with it.'
Now was my chance to impress her. I had all Uncle Siegfried's power building inside me and I felt invincible. I stepped around the corner before they could stop me.
The corridor was dark, but I could see a massive writhing shadow in front of me. The snake was heading in the opposite direction, emerging out of an old girls' toilet. It was green and brown and slimy looking, and it stank. It reeked of raw sewage so strongly that it made my eyes water. I could hardly speak, but at last I yelled 'Herpetomortis' in a strangled sounding voice and gave it every ounce of welly I could manage, but the spell bounced off it and smashed a sizeable hole in the plaster.
The snake paused, reared up, and swung its head around.
'Mike! Get down' shouted Penny as I turned to get back around to the other corridor. All I could see was her hand poking around the corner, holding a mirror, and a flash of sickly green light swept over me and threw me into the opposite wall.
I could barely stand up, but I had to stand up. I had to fight the monster as best I could. I staggered to the corner where I could see Penny and Granger lying on the floor. I dreaded what I would see, and I was just in time to see the end of the basilisk's tail slithering back into the toilets. I slammed the door behind it and slid down to sit on the floor for a moment.
I had to get away and tell someone, then I remembered that everyone was down at the Quidditch pitch. I felt sick and dazed and as though I was on another planet. I found my way back to Muriel without conscious thought. Homing instinct, I suppose. She let me in without a murmur. Though she never asked me her questions she did sometimes make a snide comment as I passed her, but this time nothing.
I collapsed in my bed and heard the rumble of feet in the Common Room. People were back from the match. It must have been a quick one. Gryffindor and Hufflepuff. There was something I remembered about Gryffindor, someone in Gryffindor, but I couldn't remember who.
I missed supper that evening. When I missed breakfast as well, Truman came to see me and had me carted off to the Sick Bay without delay. Poppy Pompom tutted over me and diagnosed spell damage. The Proflet came and tried to find out what the spell was, but I couldn't remember.
Then Potter and Weasley came in to see how I was and my memory came rushing back. They had come up to see Granger and I remembered what had happened. After that I didn't want to remember. I tried desperately hard not to keep thinking that I had nearly caused the death of Penny. I really didn't want to be there when she woke up, in case she remembered, but I was too weak to move. Pompom said I had caught the backwash of a very powerful spell and I would be pulled down for some time yet.
It was nearly the end of term and I was sitting reading in the Sick Bay common room when the door opened and Granger walked in. She looked even shakier than me.
'Oh! Hi, Michael,' she said. 'What are you in for?'
'Hi Hermione,' I said nervously. 'They got you sorted, then.'
'Madame Pomfrey gave me the draft a few minutes ago,' she said. 'Is that what happened to you?'
'I've got some spell damage,' I said. 'I just feel a bit weird.'
'The same as me, I guess,' she said. 'Any idea what caused it?'
'No clue,' I said, thinking Yes! She can't remember.
'I'll see you around, then,' she said and tottered out again.
That was a relief. I felt so much better. I just hoped it had affected Penny in the same way.
There was a commotion outside and I heard parents' voices and staff talking loudly, along with someone protesting that she was okay really, and asking her mum to stop fussing. I kept my head down and went on reading until the voices departed with much hugging and kissing and someone came into the common room.
'Hello,' said the girl staring at me from the door. She had red hair, and I recognised her as the Weasleys' little sister, though she wasn't particularly little. 'Who are you?'
'I'm Mike' I said. She looked fairly tear-stained. 'Are you okay?'