Disclaimer: I don't own South Park.

"And I would like all the latest kewl toys in all the stores in the world…" Cartman dictated. "As well as large chicken pot pie-in fact, make it two! And I want a year's supply of cheesy poofs-"

"Ho Ho Ho!" Santa Claus laughed, cutting off the rambling of the overweight kid on his knee. "I think it's time for you to go, Eric!"

"No wait!" Cartman protested. "I still haven't told you everything I want for Christmas, Santa!"

"I'm sorry, Eric!" Santa pointed to the many children who were lined up to meet him. "There's a lot of children waiting to see Santa!"

"Screw those other kids!" Cartman snapped. "I waited a whole year to see you, Santa! What I want is more important than what those assholes want!"

Every child in line glared irritably at what Cartman has said about them.

"Just send me a list of everything you want…" Santa urged through gritted teeth. "And I'll find the time to read it all…somehow…"

"Yeah, get the hell off Santa's knee, Cartman!" Stan shouted through the open door of the grotto.

"You've been breaking his leg for long enough, Fatass!" Kyle added.

"Shuddup, you guys!" Cartman jumped down from Santa's knee, flipping two best friends off as he stormed out of the grotto. "You shouldn't even be here anyway, Kyle! Santa never brings presents to Jews!"

With Cartman finally off his knee, Santa sighed with relief. He rubbed it gently to ease out how sore it was from having such an obese child sat upon it for half an hour.

"Damn…" Santa muttered under his breath. "My knee always ends up hurting every year whenever that fat kid sits on it to tell me all he greedily wants…"

The bearded old man shook his head as he silent nursed his aching leg for a moment before turning his attention back the children outside his grotto who'd all gathered at the mall to see him.

"Ho Ho Ho!" Santa beamed as he put his jolly persona back on. "Who's next to see Santa?"

He found out instantly as the child at the front of the line stepped forward. He walked through the door to enter Santa's grotto, approaching his throne to perch himself onto his knee.

"Hello, Kenny!" Santa smiled, recognising the boy in the orange parka at once. "And what would you like for Christmas this year?"

Kenny mumbled his reply - which was of course completely obstructed by his hood.

"Oh really?" Santa exclaimed, having failed to hear a single word of what Kenny had told him he wished for. "I'll do my best to do that for you… See you next year!"

With a muffled shout of thanks, Kenny jumped down from Santa's knee and headed swiftly out of the grotto. He was extremely hopeful that Santa would be able to bring some nice presents to his family, as the McCormicks were unable to buy any gifts themselves due to being poor.

To stop dying all the time would also be a nice thing to have.

"Year after year, I can never tell what that kid tells me he wants," Santa murmured, rubbing his beard thoughtfully before turning back towards the children. "Next!"

Yet another child entered Santa's grotto. He sat down onto his knee and gazed up at him - with a look of complete indifference on his face.

"Why, if it isn't the New Kid in South Park!" Santa cried. "Hello there!"

The New Kid said nothing. He just stared blankly at Santa. There was not an ounce of excitement within him over who he was seeing that moment.

"I've heard you've been a very good boy this year," Santa continued, "helping people out with their problems, using that unique gift of yours!"

Still, the New Kid remained as silent as ever.

"So," Santa boomed, "what would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas."

It was at that moment when the New Kid shuffled around on Santa's knee. He turned to sit facing away from him, leaving the old man facing his back.

"New Kid?" Santa murmured, puzzled. "What are you doing?"

As he remained sat on Santa's knee while turned away from him, the New Kid took a deep breath, then began to summon all his strength.

"Wait, no!" Santa cried, his bearded face filled with horror as he realised what the child in his grotto was about to do. "Nooooooooooooooooo!"

BRRRRRRRRRP!

A loud, explosive, thunderous fart filled Santa's grotto. A howl escaped the shocked old man as gas was blasted into his face. The wooden walls of the grotto shook from the intense force - before giving way for the roof to cave in.

Quickly jumping off Santa's knee, the New Kid raced for the door. He managed to escape the grotto as it collapsed from his fart. It fell to bits as it came crashing down - entirely on top on Santa.

As he stood out in the mall, unhurt from his narrow escape, the New Kid found himself being met with several shocked looks from the other children. They were all aghast to see his fart had done to the grotto they had lined up outside of - with Santa Claus still inside.

"Oh my God!" Stan cried. "Douchebag killed Santa!"

"You bastard!" Kyle yelled, shaking his fist at the New Kid.

Not a bit bothered at what he had just caused to happen, the New Kid proceeded to make his way out of the mall. He didn't so much as glance back at the shocked children he left behind. He didn't even flinch at the sound of profanities they were shouting after him.

At that moment, something burst through the broken wooden remains of the cottage. The children turned to see that emerging was the very person who they'd gathered at the mall to see, who'd been inside the wooden hut when it had collapsed.

"Hey, look!" Kyle cried. "Santa's alive!"

"Oh good!" Stan smiled. "That means we still get presents for Christmas!"

Santa groaned as he lay in the wreckage of his destroyed hut. His bearded face was filled with pain from having his grotto collapse on top of him - as well as disgust from having the New Kid fart in his face. In all his years of having children sat on his knee, never before had any kid passed gas at him.

"Jesus Christ!" Santa muttered grudgingly. "I think that little butthole can go at the very top of my naughty list!"

THE END