Chapter 26: Judgement

Sans was curled up in a bed way too big for him for hours. He could hear Toriel and Gaster scream at each other downstairs, but he couldn't do anything to help this time.

The guards escorted him to his room, inside the Royal family building. The small skeleton couldn't stop staring at the bed in front of him. All of Charlie's stuff was still there, like they would come back in a minute or so. Except they wouldn't. Sans killed them. He killed them and they would never come back, and it was all his fault. He felt so guilty. He felt sick. He could still see all the blood on the floor.

He didn't feel stronger. Or better. Just sick.

He didn't even have his brother to comfort him. He ignored where were Undyne and Papyrus. Maybe with the Queen. Maybe they didn't want to see him again. Fair. He couldn't stand what he did himself.

He tried to focus on the voices, lost in thought. Toriel was negotiating to come to visit him. Gaster answered it would only destabilize him more when he had such little time to realize how serious was the situation. A third voice fell in with Toriel, Asgore's one, pretending he wouldn't do well if no one came to reassure him.

But he didn't want to be reassured!

He wanted an adult to scream at him! He killed someone! He needed someone to tell him that killing wasn't justified, even for some power, that he wouldn't be able to protect his brother even after this because humans were so much more powerful than monsters anyway. He wanted to come back down to Earth and think clearly again, like before he saw Charlie's corpse on that chair. He needed to convince himself it was what was best for his brother and his people when he didn't believe a word of this. He lost all combativeness. He lost who he was. He may have lost Papyrus too.

So why did it matter? Why was he fighting for a cause he didn't care about? Toriel was right: he was only eight years old and he had no idea what he was becoming! He was not a soldier, or a weapon. Simply a child.

The voices got closer outside the room. Gaster gave in, probably annoyed with Asgore supporting his wife only so she could forgive him. Feelings never came under consideration for his father, and love in particular.

The door unlocked and opened on Toriel, his brother and Undyne, half of the face still bandaged, Asgore and Gaster behind them. Sans looked at them briefly before wrapping himself almost entirely under his blanket. In the corner of his eye socket, he saw Toriel and Asgore stare worriedly at each other. At least, she didn't seem mad. Only sad.

Slowly, the Queen approached the bed, then sat at the edge of the mattress. Sans didn't react, looking desperately in front of him, ashamed. He couldn't meet her eyes.

"My poor little one…" She whispered, shifting closer. "Sans, look at me, please." She asked firmly.

He hesitated, but obeyed. She smiled at him, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. She was bitter. Slowly she raised a hand. Sans flinched, making her stop dead in her gesture. She turned briefly to give a dark stare aimed at Gaster, then promptly moved again to stroke his cheekbone.

"I am not angry. And you should not blame yourself." She said in a whisper, holding her tears. "What happened… It was not your fault. I am so sorry if I made you feel like it was. In all of this, you are a victim, Sans, not a murderer. You did what he asked you to do. He abused your faith in him and his authority to manipulate you, which no father should ever do. You're not responsible in any way, you hear me?"

The skeleton shivered, shaking violently. He tried so hard not to cry. He had no right to cry. Then why couldn't he hold himself? By guilt, fatigue, sadness, anger, relief? He didn't know anymore. He felt completely lost, like everything happened to someone else. It didn't make any sense.

As soon as Toriel put a gentle hand on his shoulder, Sans broke down entirely. The final straw. He bursted into long painful sobs and hurled himself into her arms, horrified. He discharged his guilt and terror on her purple dress, curled up against her, and kept repeating the same words, again and again:

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to, I'm so sorry…"

The Queen hugged him close and gently patted his skull to calm him down. Soon, two little skeletal arms embraced his back. Sans froze. What was he doing? He was showing Papyrus that he was right to be scared and that they were hopeless!

He looked down at his brother. Papyrus had cried a lot recently, it was obvious seeing how dark were his eye sockets, but he still smiled at him. They didn't need words. Sans knew he had forgiven him already. Undyne joined his brother in hugging him, making the skeleton suddenly overwhelmed.

At the door, Asgore, however, refused to look his way.

"Toriel, it is time." He said sadly.

The Queen tensed. She sighed heavily before sitting straight again. She put her hands on Sans' shoulders.

"I will be there for your departure." She explained, her voice shaking with emotion. "Sans, promise me you will not give up, will you? What's done is done. You have to live with this and move on now. Do never forget I believe in you. Save Papyrus and come back to the Mountain. Prove them they are all wrong. Prove your father and Asgore that you are better than them. I will be there to welcome you when you return."

She unhooked her necklace and put it around his neck. The Royal Deltarune, the symbol of their people, fell back on his chest.

"You need to find allies. Not all men are bad, or murderers. They will help you to escape. Trust your instincts."

"But I'm scared to fail. I'm scared they will hurt Papyrus and… I can't lose him."

"You won't lose him. Sans, you two are the strongest and bravest skeletons I have ever met. I promise you the second these unfortunate events will be over, you won't have anything to fear. And certainly not your father. I will protect you, and I will think of you, even if I am not physically there. I will never leave your side, you have my word. It's a promise."

Her words touched him more than he thought. She hugged him one last time, then stood up. Sans brutally realized Undyne was going with her. The little girl buried her face in his chest, refusing to let go. Toriel let her have her moment, then gently picked her up, as she started crying.

"Please…" She said, turning towards Gaster. "I don't want my family to go again… I don't want to be alone. Let them stay."

The scientist looked away, as Toriel took her out of the room. Sans felt his heart broke. He got attached more than he thought to the little fish lady. He felt guilty about giving up on her too.

Gaster waited for Toriel to leave before he entered the room. He closed the door behind him. A heavy silence took place. Sans tensed, while Papyrus clung to him tighter, nervous. His father broke what little trust his brother still had in him. Maybe it was for the better. If they ever made it back to the Mountain like Toriel said, Sans would make sure he never got close to his brother ever again.

The scientist sat next to them. Both skeletons crawled as far away as they could from him, keeping a safe distance.

"I know you're scared and you must take me for a monster. But you need to understand I did all I could to prevent this moment from happening. You both think what I did was wrong, and I understand, but I had no other choice."

"Do you want us to cry and forgive you?" Sans asked, icy. "That's not going to happen."

"Mom would have never done that." Papyrus spitted to support his brother, bitter.

"Your mother died, Papyrus. She died because she fought in a long war and was too weakened to give birth. She died only because she didn't abort like I advised her to do. Without you, she would still be alive."

Papyrus hiccuped in horror, and hid in Sans arms. The skeleton hugged him close as he sobbed. Sans was too tired to react. His father always held Papyrus responsible for their mother's death. His brother did all he could to spare him from this reality, but it seemed Gaster thought innocence and kindness had no place anymore in their family.

Who was he kidding? They were no family anymore. Their family exploded the day their mother disappeared.

"You couldn't stop yourself, uh?" Sans answered, bitter. "This is so easy to blame Papyrus. Mom wouldn't have to fight so hard if we left the house like she proposed to. You decided to wait for the fights to come to us because of your stupid job. Now all skeletons are dead. They listened to you and they all died, Mom included. Stop blaming Papyrus for your own mistakes. You are the grown-up here. Your actions have consequences, it's not because you can't make the right choices we're not here to pay them for you."

"I can't make the right choices?" Gaster mocked. "Do you have any idea what I had to sacrifice while you were on the road? Do you know where these scars come from? I had a long-time plan to prevent all of this, but as soon I realized I couldn't avoid sacrificing the two of you, I was forced to eradicate the only thing preventing me from going on with this plan. I ablated the part of my soul that creates feelings. I made you hate me so you stop seeing me as the model father you looked to as a kid, so you will be ready to face what was coming. I spent the last six months trying to save you, Sans."

"Do you think I didn't understand it? I'm not stupid. The only problem with your stupid plan is that to save me, you have no remorse for sacrificing your other son. Papyrus is your son too. I never wanted to become some sort of dad replacement figure for him. He's my brother! I had to teach him how to talk, how to walk, how to not make you angry! That was not my role! He's not some spare part you can use as a replacement. You never cared about what would happen to him because you are selfish and hate him for no valid reason. I should never have been the one to raise him. He's right here in front of you and you're still talking like he doesn't exist. You never told him even one single time you love him."

Sans clenched his fists, angry.

"Do not ever bring mom as an excuse for how bad of a father you are. Papyrus doesn't have to pay for your mistakes. I don't have to pay for your mistakes either. We are not tools, we're children. Your children. And Mom would be ashamed of you just like I'm ashamed to be your son right now."

Gaster slapped him hard. Papyrus gasped, and took his hand, worried. Sans flinched, but quickly regained his composure. He would not break in front of him.

"Now get out of our lives." Sans whispered, looking down. "Since you can't have two sons, you will have none from now on. I don't want to see you ever again."

A tear ran down Gaster's face. He caught it in his hand, confused. He shook his head off and shut down completely, digging a little more into the fosse existing between the two of them. He stood up, gave him a harsh look and walked to the exit. The door slammed behind him. Sans heard the key turned several times in the lock.

The skeleton sighed, relieved he was finally gone. He looked down at Papyrus, still clinging to him. His brother stopped crying, but seemed lost in thought.

"Sans?" He finally asked. "Do you really think we can get out of this alive? I'm scared."

"Of course we will, buddy. You heard Toriel, she said she would protect us. Mom will protect us too. They're both with us and they won't let anything happen to us. We need to stay strong. Do you think you can manage to do that? I need to be sure I have a brave hero by my side, or we're doomed."

"Of course I can manage!" Papyrus answered, more determined. "If Toriel said we can do it, then we can do it! We're going to win. Oh!" He suddenly screamed, excited. "Sans, look!"

He bounced on the bed a bit, before focusing hard, dead serious. Both his eyes lightened bright orange and, suddenly, a huge blaster materialized behind him. It was… Something. The weapon looked goofy, with wide big googly eyes, but it… existed? Papyrus posed, definitely proud of himself.

"I can do that now! See? You don't need to worry so much about me anymore! Can you… Teach me how to teleport? Like you do? That way, if you're hurt, I'll carry you home all by myself! Toriel says I'm like super strong and cool, and handsome. And truly, I think I am indeed."

Sans chuckled. "Eh, let's make a deal. If you behave and you obey everything I say once we'll be with the humans, I'll teach you when we get home."

He screamed an excited "Wowie!" of joy, before dancing on the bed. Sans felt his soul broke in two. In a few days, he would perhaps be holding the lifeless body of his brother in his arms.