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~Two~
He was caught between trying to decide if it was better to hold his ground in the bathroom and hope whoever had entered his apartment and was approaching him would just leave, or if he wanted to try to take them off guard and get the upper hand. The locked door to the small space made him feel trapped and cornered, rather than safe.
Taking a deep breath and opening his eyes he reached down next to him to quietly unlock the door. He held the doorknob in his hand for a moment before finally working up the guts to twist it and open the door to face what was on the other side. He thought there was maybe an equal chance no one would be on the other side, the way his mind was spinning things for him most days.
With the window dowel in his hand, his arm raised and ready to strike, he flung the door open and pivoted his body around and into the doorway to face the intruder. There had been someone outside the bathroom. It wasn't just his imagination. He clearly startled them, a gasp and curse of surprise cutting through the otherwise quiet air. The fear he had felt was suddenly collapsing then under the rush of relief that went through him. It wasn't some intruder. It was Rayna.
"Sorry!" she apologized as she held her one hand to her chest. "Sorry, sorry, it's just me," she panted.
"Sorry," he breathed out as well as he lowered his arm and the weapon he'd been holding.
"I texted you I was coming in, I guess you didn't see it," she told him, watching as he turned slightly back into the bathroom and set down the dowel he had in his hand.
"No, I left my phone in the other room," he said, adjusting his hold a little on the towel around his waist. His hand was shaking as his adrenaline was falling.
"I'm so sorry," she apologized again. "I didn't mean to scare the shit out of you. Are you okay?" she asked and he nodded.
"Just glad I didn't swing first before looking," he said.
"Me too," she replied. She stepped back from the doorway then, turning toward the main area of the apartment, the kitchen and living room all one room.
"I'll just be a minute," he told her as he headed out of the bathroom after her, moving back toward the bedroom so he could get some clothes on. He got on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt before joining her.
"I brought you a coffee," she told him and he smiled uneasily.
"Brought me a coffee? You're letting me use your apartment, I should be getting you surprise coffees," he remarked, taking the brown coffee cup from her when she passed it his way. He sat himself down on the couch nearby.
"Well, I figured since I decided to invade your space so early this morning I shouldn't come empty handed," she said as she leaned back against the kitchen counter, her own coffee in her hand. "Just had to get out of Johnny's this morning."
"You and him have a fight?" he asked her while carefully taking the lid off of the cup she'd handed him.
"No, it's fucking Reno," she answered through an irritated sigh. "That kid just drives me up the fucking wall sometimes."
"Sometimes?" he questioned and she smirked.
"Right?"
"Hey, if you want your apartment back—" he started to say and she shook her head.
"No no, I don't, I swear," she said fast. "You need the private space way more than I do," she commented.
"You're paying rent for it though and you're not even living here," he said as he looked down briefly into the hot liquid in the cup in front of him. "I told you I can pay."
"Well, I'm working for Johnny so technically he pays for it, so...whatever," she said with a light shrug. "You'd never really know it by looking at him that the guy is loaded," she commented and took a sip of her coffee. "Anyway, I may just have to hide here sometimes when I'm feeling particularly bitchy," she told him and he smiled a little.
"No problem," he replied, nodding. "I really appreciate you letting me stay here."
"No sweat. I brought my laundry with me. Gonna do that while I'm here," she announced. "Got any stuff you want washed?" she asked.
"Yeah, but—" he started to say, following her with his eyes as she was already leaving the kitchen.
"Hamper still in the bathroom?" she questioned, though she was already half-way to it. He turned slightly on the couch.
"Yeah, but you don't need to—" he tried to protest but she wasn't listening. She was already in the bathroom, searching out his dirty clothes. "Thanks," he muttered to himself.
He didn't know why he bothered even trying stop her. Why he bothered trying to stop anyone from doing something like that to help him out. No one ever listened anyway. He was perfectly capable of doing things like laundry and yet everyone he knew always seemed to be jumping at the chance to do the things for him. On one level he appreciated it and at the same time resented it. He knew they were trying to be nice but sometimes it made him feel more helpless than he already did on a daily basis.
He really did appreciate that Rayna had given up her apartment to him, though. He'd been bouncing around a little since he'd been back in Midgar with the others. Initially, he'd stayed with Zack and Aerith, but he felt awkward being there, especially knowing they were engaged. They only had the one bedroom, which had him sleeping on the couch. He felt like a third wheel, even if neither of them actually did or said anything to make him feel that way. He'd stayed at Johnny's for a while and for a week now and then at Tifa's, but as his panic attacks became more frequent, he felt desperate to have his own space. He didn't actually like being alone, but it was better than having people around when he was losing his shit.
Zack looking at him with concern and trying to help when he was freaking out was one thing but it was just uncomfortable for him when it came from anyone else. He hated it. When Rayna had offered to let him stay in her apartment and she would move in to Johnny's place with him and Reno, he'd been incredibly grateful. Zack kept talking about getting a different place with Aerith with another bedroom that he could stay in but he told his friend not to do that.
Ultimately, he wanted to get his own place but it was hard to even commit to looking. Everyday normal living was hard to do. His therapist in the city had said it was essential. The only way he'd be able to feel normal and in control of his own life was to be independent and to keep himself busy. The only way he was ever going to be able to come to grips with the fact that not every person he ran into wanted to hurt him or use him in some way was to reintegrate into society.
Some days it felt impossible. Hojo was still out there somewhere. Rand was still out there. There were others too. People who had worked for Hojo. They were still out there living their lives and those lives could one day intersect with his own again, even in the smallest of ways. Maybe just at the train station or in a coffee shop. He also bore a heavy likeness to an ex-army private and one time SOLDIER whose face had been everywhere in the media only a year earlier.
The one good thing about losing so much weight in Costa del Sol while on Galen's treatment plan and the treatment kicking his ass and nearly killing him was that he only looked just like that kid everyone thought was dead but then came back to be a SOLDIER and saved the president's life at the parade. People told him that all the time.
He tended to wear a hat when he was in public now, or at least a hooded sweater. It helped but people still commented on who they thought he looked like, even when he was on the train with earbuds in his ears, pretending to sleep. For some reason they thought it was okay or acceptable to put their hands on him, tapping his shoulder to get his attention just so they could say the same thing he'd heard a thousand times.
Sometimes he could tell they were looking at him like they knew there was no doubt who he was, but weren't going to get into an argument with him about it or push for him to tell the truth. The media hadn't shut up about him after he'd saved the president at the parade. Video of the incident had been on the news and all over the internet. Pictures were in the paper. He'd been such a celebrity from the minute Zack's video had aired declaring that he was being held captive in Gongaga by Shinra, that naturally people were curious and suspicious when he suddenly disappeared again from the public eye not long after the parade.
He'd been shot multiple times that day. That gave Shinra a good cover story for why no one was seeing him anymore. He'd been critically injured. It was speculated in the news that he might have had to give up his position in SOLDIER because of the injuries he sustained or that perhaps he'd even died later due to complications from them.
Zack hadn't been immune from attention either. After his father's interview when he'd been arrested the year before, details of his assault case against Rand and his sentence had been in the news. When it was discovered that Zack was serving time in a Shinra funded treatment facility in Costa del Sol, the media hounded Shinra demanding to know whether the treatment was legitimate or if all the claims he'd made against the company in the past had been true and this was their way of silencing him.
Shinra had only insisted Zack was being treated legitimately but would not agree to submit proof of that, citing privacy concerns. It was Zack's parents who ultimately confirmed for the media that he was safe and that he had in fact agreed to a plea deal that meant he'd serve time in a medical facility rather than a prison. Asked about why he was being treated in a facility that had close ties to Shinra, they commented that it was difficult to find a private organization or facility that did not have some sort of connection to the mega-company. Asked if they still believed Zack's claims he'd made in the past about being held captive and experimented on by the Science Department, they told the truth which was that they'd signed agreements when he went to Costa del Sol stating they would not talk to anyone about what may or may not have happened to their son while he was supposedly dead for four years.
Shinra had decided to blame Hojo, issuing an official statement that it was always the company's belief that the Science Department was adhering to their strict ethics policy and guidelines and that any evidence of illegal human experimentation or evidence that they were utilizing involuntary participants in their projects was kept within the department and hidden from the rest of the company. They also stated it was the responsibility of the head of the department to report any incidents or evidence of unapproved experimental procedures or neglectful or abusive treatment of project participants. He'd failed to do so.
It was something of a half-admission of guilt, at least to him and Zack. A way of saying without really saying it that there was a possibility Zack had actually been telling the truth in his video revelation he'd made public about what Shinra had done to them. Actually, more than a possibility. It was…probable.
The company had promised a complete overhaul of their science department, and to find and shut down any project which did not adhere to their policies. They didn't mention Hojo's name specifically but said that the department head would be replaced and when questioned if legal action was going to be taken against the former head, meaning Hojo, all they had said was that they would be cooperating with city authorities should an investigation be launched and pursuit of action initiated. Perhaps there had been an investigation, but if so no one seemed to know. Hojo's name stopped appearing in the newspapers a few months after Rufus took up presidency.
To him and to Zack as well, it felt like the man had gotten away with everything, and what was worse, he could be anywhere, and if a stranger who'd never met him in person could identify him or note how similar he looked to Cloud Strife, certainly the professor would be able to also should their paths ever cross.
Zack, on the other hand, somehow seemed to be able to walk around the city regularly without getting stopped. It may have had something to do with his own change in appearance. His hair had gotten long enough that he was able to tie it back or into a topknot if he wanted. Reno had pressured him into some bet that if he wore it man bun style in public every day until his wedding he'd pay for his and Aerith's honeymoon.
Zack also had the ability to grow some actual facial hair now, though he didn't really let it grow out. He said once he'd been properly medicated during treatment and really stuck to an appropriate diet and started shaving every single morning in Costa del Sol, as just something to do, that it had really started to come in like it never had before. It made him look just the right amount of rough and gave him enough of a disguise that he could blend easily into a crowd. Him on the other hand…he felt like he just looked like Cloud Strife's thinner, more depressed and sleep-deprived twin brother.
When Rayna was alone in the bathroom she paused in front of the hamper to get her phone from her back pocket. Right away she could see Zack's text message on the home screen.
'Did you go?' he asked.
'Sure did even brought him a coffee,' she text back to him. She could see the indicator on the screen that he was responding back to her almost immediately.
'Did he buy the story?' was his next question and she scoffed under her breath before tapping back her answer quickly.
'Oh it's not a story reno pisses me the duck off,' she told him. '*fuck, not duck,' she corrected.
'He really does need to duck off, though,' Zack wrote back. 'Was Cloud ok?'
'Think so' she told him. 'No real food in the fridge, but...looks like he's taking his meds.' She'd had a quick glance in the mirror cabinet to check.
'Tks, Ray,' he wrote back.
'Np.'
000
Cloud decided to leave the apartment not long after Rayna got there to do laundry. He had a session with his therapist at 10 a.m. on the plate so he figured he'd just go up there early and grab another coffee and some breakfast at a café he went to a couple times a week. He usually brought a book in with him and tried to read, or at least look at the words on the pages as if he was taking in the content. Sometimes he was too distracted to really focus on the story, and sometimes he just sat and stared out the window at whatever table he was at.
Sometimes he found himself looking out and wondering if just that one time he'd spot someone he recognized and then maybe he'd be able to explain the feeling he frequently had that he was being watched or followed. It was a feeling he'd had a lot since being back in Midgar. He'd told his therapist about it before and she suggested maybe he felt that way because of his fear of being recognized. He supposed it made sense, but knowing the possible reason didn't stop him from feeling what he felt. Not even his meds helped.
His phone sitting on the table in front of him vibrated loudly against the surface and he picked it up quickly, looking at the lock screen and the text message that had come in. It was just one word. 'Hey.' The contact wasn't listed in his phone. It was just a phone number he didn't unlocked the screen and opened the conversation.
'Hey'
'Hey'
'Hey'
The same word over and over for the last four days. Always just that one word. He had no idea who it was. The messages never came in at the same time of day. Sometimes it was the middle of the night, sometimes midday. Based on when they started all he could think was that it was someone who'd gotten his number when he had been at a place on the plate called Junction. It was a student bar, near the college where he'd been working.
He hadn't responded once to the messages. He didn't remember giving his number out to anyone, which didn't really mean anything those days…He'd thought about blocking the number but so far the texts had been annoying more than worrying.
'U jus gon be a bitch and not answer ever?'
He stared hard at the incoming text, the first one that wasn't a 'Hey.'
'U give me a fake number you bitch?'
Blocked, Cloud said in his own head as he finally decided he'd heard enough from whoever the person was. The number dropped into a growing list of other blocked unknown numbers that had been gathering in his contacts. Exhaling deeply, he stood himself up and put his phone in his pocket, getting ready to head over to his therapist's office.
He went to Tifa's around four that afternoon. Once a week she tried to have everyone over for dinner together. She tried to do it on a Sunday night, which tended to be her least busy night at the bar. That way they could still semi-hang out together even if she had customers to serve later in the evening. Sometimes they'd have a potluck and everyone would try to bring something, other times she and Aerith would cook together. His schedule working at the college rotated a little so he didn't always have Sunday nights off. He made an effort to go to Tifa's when he did. He did like seeing everyone.
For the most part everyone was usually there but Johnny, Rayna and Reno tended to head out around eight or nine for work. Zack was still working for Tifa at her place and Aerith had been working at a daycare on the plate and also still doing flower sales on the side. Tifa had offered him a job at the bar but his therapist had advised against him working in an environment where he was exposed to alcohol or intoxicated people, or places where people had unpredictable behaviour or tended to be loud or potentially violent.
He decided to take the therapist's advice and applied for a custodian/maintenance position at the city college on the plate. The position was for evenings so he was working between the hours of 5 p.m. and midnight six days a week. There were only a few classes that ran at night and they were all over by 10 p.m. so it was relatively quiet and he was able to work mostly on his own. It was pretty mundane but he supposed he liked it for what it was.
He also liked the way the college kids, who were around his age anyway didn't really pay any attention to him. They were all too self-absorbed and busy with their own lives, or oblivious to certain things going on in the city or the world to notice him or possibly recognize him as anything other than a random janitor.
When he got to Tifa's that afternoon, Marlene practically attacked him and he found out quickly she had glitter all over her hands because it was then all over him as well. She showed him that she'd been working on an art project with glue and ample amounts of multicoloured sparkly glitter.
There wasn't much that wasn't difficult about being back in Midgar, but Marlene was one of the good things. The amount of energy she had could be exhausting but he never really got tired of being around her. She looked up to him like no one else. She had no idea what he'd been through and to her he was someone she felt safe around. He was an adult. A source of protection. She made him feel stronger.
After dinner, Tifa ran her a bath and she asked if he would read her a story before bed. So, while the others were still downstairs he was upstairs with her, getting her ready to go to sleep, not that she was ever really ready to sleep.
"And they lived happily ever after," he said as he reached the end of her book. "The end," he said, shutting the book and looking at her from where she was sitting next to him on her bed, leaning against him. She looked up at him with wide eyes. There was no way she was ready to close her eyes yet and go to sleep.
"And then what happened?" she asked.
"Uhh...and then they decided to take a trip," he told her of the two main characters of the story. "Because…that's what people like to do after they get married," he added when he could see she wanted more detail.
"Where did they go?" she inquired next.
"A very magical land...in the mountains," he told her. He used his one hand to brush off a glitter sparkle on her forehead that had somehow made it back on her, even after a bath.
"What's so magical about it?" she asked skeptically and he smiled.
"Well...all the animals can talk. And the flowers can sing," as he talked she was giving him a look that said she wanted more proof of the so called magic. "And everything is made of candy, and it never gets dark. It's sunny all the time," he told her.
"But what if you want to see the stars?"
He thought about it a second. "There's a big light switch in the air you just pull down whenever you want to see them," he said as he made the motion in front of them.
"That's dumb," she giggled.
"I thought you were afraid of the dark," he pointed out and she shook her head, frowning.
"Not since last year," she revealed. "I'm not a baby anymore, Cloud."
He couldn't help but laugh a little at the serious look on her little face. "Sorry, my mistake."
She looked up at the ceiling in the room then. "I wish we could go outside and see the stars here," she said.
"Can't really see them that well on the plate either," he reminded her. "Too many city lights."
"We should go to the mountains!" she said as she looked at him with excitement in her eyes.
"You wanna go to the mountains?" he asked and she nodded. "There's goats you know." He meant it to sound somewhat scary but she only smiled.
"I like goats," she told him fast.
"What don't you like?" he questioned in return and she thought hard on his words.
"Sleeping!" was the answer she came up with that had him laughing lightly again.
"Yeah," he agreed as he let his arm fall from the ledge of the headboard behind them and tousled her hair a little. "Me either. You need to though. Not sleeping makes your nose get really long," he joked.
"No it doesn't!" she replied surely, though she looked at him as if checking to see if perhaps he was really serious.
"Are you sure?" he asked and she caught on finally that he was just kidding. He got up off the bed then, and put her book on the table next to it. When she was lying down with the covers tucked tightly around her he turned off the small teddy-bear shaped lamp on the table. "Night night, Ponygirl," he said to her. "Sleep tight."
"Night night, Cloud," she replied in her soft voice.
She finally yawned as he was headed for the door. She said she wasn't afraid of the dark anymore but he still left the door open just enough to let some light in from the hall. His mom used to do that when he was little.
"Marlene's down," he told Tifa when he came back down the stairs to the bar area.
"Did she make you read Pony Princess?" she asked him and he nodded.
"Every time," he confirmed tiredly.
He sat himself back down where he'd been sitting earlier at the two tables pushed together for dinner. Zack and Reno were having a conversation that stopped when he sat down. There weren't any customers in the bar yet. Johnny and Rayna were taking turns throwing darts. Tifa and Aerith were looking through what he imagined was probably a wedding magazine at the bar counter.
"You ever dream about Pony Princess after having to read it so many times?" Tifa asked him. "'Cause I do."
"Not yet, but I'd like to," he said.
"You want a beer?" she offered next.
"You shouldn't be drinking," Zack spoke up before he could say anything.
"I do have the stuff without alcohol in it, you know," Tifa stated.
"The hells the point of that?" Reno said.
"I'm good, thanks though," he told Tifa, passing it up.
"You still have glitter on you," Zack told him. "Should call you Pony Princess," he teased.
"Whatever, man bun," he retorted fast. Zack just smiled and took a sip from the coffee cup in front of him on the table.
"How you doing, kid?" Zack asked him then, his friend placing his arm behind him on the back of his chair.
"Nnnever better," he replied with a forced smile.
"How's your sleeping?" was his friend's next inquiry. "You know, other than the morning attacks. You start the stuff the doc prescribed?"
"Uh, yeah," he told Zack.
"And?"
"Still sleeping like crap," he admitted.
Zack laughed a little uneasily. "Yeah, I get it," he said. He did get it. He'd also been prescribed a sleep aid. Sometimes it helped, sometimes it did nothing. "Aerith's dying to have you try this tea she's got me drinking before bed. It's not bad," he explained.
"Sure," he said.
He looked over at Reno. The ex-Turk was holding onto a beer bottle on the table in front of him in his one hand but he was spinning something around on the table with his other one. It looked rectangular and black.
"What's that?" he asked, tilting his chin in his direction.
"Oh, shit, yeah you haven't seen it," Reno noted. He stopped spinning whatever it was and slid it toward him.
Now that it wasn't moving he could see it was a pin or badge box. When he opened it he found two medals inside. A Shinra Army Medal of Bravery and a Prisoner of War Medal.
"Six was just gonna throw them into some drawer at home so I thought at least everyone here could have a chance to see them, since he turned down the chance to get them awarded to him officially," Reno said.
Cloud looked up from the box at Johnny. "Shinra gave you medals?" he questioned and Johnny looked back at him. "For what happened in Wutai?" he asked.
"If you look closely I think you can see the inscription, 'Sorry we never tried to come save your ass'," Johnny said in return.
"You're just gonna put them in a drawer?" Cloud inquired and Johnny shrugged.
"Not much else to do with them," he declared flatly. "It's not like they really mean anything."
Johnny was focused once more on throwing darts. Cloud looked over at Reno who just shook his head. Cloud passed the box back to him.
"I'll find some place to put them," Reno told him. "They're getting appreciated and acknowledged whether he likes it or not."
Cloud remembered something then. "Oh, hey, Johnny," he said, getting his attention back. He pulled his phone from his pocket and unlocked it to find what he wanted to show him. "Paul sent me this photo from the Academy."
"Of what? Us?" Johnny asked and he nodded. Johnny came to stand behind him when he held the phone up for him to see the picture. "Jesus," he said. "The only picture he had was one where I'm wearing the maintenance uniform for probation work?"
"Well you wore it so often," Cloud reminded him, making Johnny smirk. "He's been bugging me for the three of us to hang out," he told him.
"You liked the kid, not me," Johnny replied.
"Yeah sure," Cloud said back to him doubtfully.
As Johnny returned to his game with Rayna, Cloud was still looking at his phone and a text came in.
'The Flats 1230'
'Not tonight,' he text back quickly. He locked the phone and was about to put it back in his pocket when another text came in.
'It'll be worth your while'
"Who are you talking to?" Zack asked him.
"Uh, work," Cloud told him.
"Kinda late for them to ask you to come in isn't it?" Zack asked and he shook his head.
"It's just the one guy asking where something is," he said vaguely. "I'm gonna head home," he told Zack. "See if I can get a few hours of sleep early before the tossing and turning around two."
"Okay," Zack said. He seemed a little suspicious of the fact he was leaving right after being text by someone. "Gym at eleven tomorrow still?" he asked.
"Fuck yeah," Reno replied while also looking at his own phone.
"Don't leave me alone with him," Zack begged Cloud.
"Yeah, I'll be there," he agreed. He said goodbye to Zack and the others and headed out. Once outside in the street he retrieved his phone again.
'Don't be a pussy,' the text message on the screen said.
He thought about it a moment and finally responded. 'Fine. I'll be there.'
