~Four~

It was Cloud's phone ringing that woke him up hours after he'd gotten back from the race out in the wasteland. He was shocked when he saw that he'd stayed asleep straight through until 5 a.m. It was Zack calling him to check to see if he was okay. Well, he hadn't had any panic attacks over the previous hours, so that was nice…but he was definitely sore from his wipe out at the lake bed hours earlier. The last thing he wanted at that point was to go to the gym like he'd planned with Zack and Reno, but he also didn't want to disappoint Zack by not going or have to make up a reason he'd changed his mind about going.

Besides the scrapes to his arm and knee he'd gotten, he found when he was in the bathroom looking in the mirror that he had some large bruises on his left hip and shoulder. For the most part, he was sure he was going to be able to hide the damage he'd sustained. It was just his arm that was going to be visible and he supposed the best and most simple story to stick to was that he fell down the stairs at the apartment. He knew it was a typical excuse and he felt stupid when he even thought about saying it, but it would have to do.

Predictably, Zack asked about his arm and the bandage he'd taped to it the moment he noticed it, just a few minutes after he'd gotten to the gym. He said he fell and outside of the comments about how he really needed to be careful, and the questions about whether it had anything to do with his medications and being tired all the time and if he'd cleaned the wound right to prevent infection, Zack seemed to accept he'd just had an accident and that was that. So he thought.

While Zack was busy at one end of the equipment room, lifting some free weights, Reno approached Cloud where he was sitting on a recumbent bike, trying to force himself to get some cardio in. He used to like working on his cardio before Galen's treatment in Costa Del Sol. Since then, it was hard and generally uncomfortable and even painful. As soon as his heartrate started to climb it felt like he had a constricting weight pressing against his chest. He'd improved a lot over the previous months but it still wasn't anywhere in the realm of comfortable and he felt sometimes like he was never going to be back in the shape he was once.

Reno had his phone in his hand and was watching something as he approached. He hopped up on the seat of the bike next to his before reaching the phone over to him.

"Check this out," he said. "You gotta see this, it's crazy."

Sighing a little, Cloud took the phone from him and paused pedaling to watch a video clip that was cued up on the screen. Right away he knew what it was. It was a recorded clip from the race the night before. It was recorded feed from the camera that had been on his own helmet, specifically the moment he came upon the wolf and found himself losing control when he tried to avoid hitting it.

"The idiot nearly slams right into a huge-ass wolf!" Reno commented on the obvious.

"Pretty crazy," Cloud agreed as he handed the phone back to him.

"Yeah. Bet he had some road rash after crashing," he said then and Cloud looked at him to see he was clearly looking at the bandaging and visible bruising on his left arm.

"Oh, so you think I'm the idiot?" he questioned and Reno smirked.

"I know you're an idiot," he claimed. "Just didn't know you were this kind of idiot."

Cloud exhaled forcefully as he started pedalling the bike once more slowly. "You don't know what you're talking about, as usual," he told him.

"You're a pretty crappy liar, baby boy," Reno retorted.

"What if it is me?" he challenged, feeling himself getting immediately irritated. "Then what? You gonna tell on me?"

"Probably should, before you—" Reno began to reply and he cut him off fast.

"Before what, Reno? Huh?" he fired at the ex-Turk. His feet stalled on the bike pedals again. Reno just shook his head, chuckling a little under his breath as he stared down at his phone in his hand. "What the hell is your problem?" Cloud found himself asking him a little angrily. He didn't know why he was suddenly mad. If it was because he'd been found out or because he hated the thought of some kind of lecture or advice or opinion coming.

"At this moment, you, I guess," Reno answered him calmly, seeming to find his angry reaction more entertaining than anything else.

"Yeah, everyone's problem, right?" Cloud snapped.

"Oh, don't be so emo," Reno said to that, earning a bit of a huff from Cloud. "Is this about the money from those races, because—"

"It's not," he denied quickly. "I don't care about the money," he told him. He could tell by the look on Reno's face that he was expecting further explanation. "Look, I really don't wanna talk about it right now. And…I'm probably not going back for another race."

"Probably not?" Reno echoed.

He shook his head and then got up off of the bike. "Well I guess now that the secret is out, it won't be so fun anymore. So…no need to tell anyone about it. It's over," he said as he motioned to walk away.

"Hey," Reno called attention back. "I'm not going to tell on you," he said as he got off the bike he'd been perched on. "Other than the fact what you've been doing is definitely dumb and dangerous, it's also kind of cool," he admitted.

Cloud did feel a little relieved at hearing that.

"Can't believe you wrecked out over that wolf, man," Reno remarked in awe as he headed with him away from the cardio equipment. "You see the size of that thing?"

"Yeah, I was there," Cloud replied.

000

That night he went to work his shift at the college where he had been assigned to the Math and Sciences Building. Of course after having been an unwilling subject held captive by the Shinra Science Department he'd found himself assigned to clean the science department at the college. Life wasn't without a sick sense of humour apparently.

Rick and some other people he'd been hanging out with sometimes after his shifts were going to be meeting up later but half-way into his shift he still didn't know if he would join them or not. At around eleven, long enough after the last classes for the night had ended, he made his way to the science department's staff lounge to vacuum and clean the tables. The faculty had their own lounge so the one for staff was really only used by students with teaching assistant positions and maybe occasionally by people from administration or with lab positions.

He swiped his key card to unlock the lounge door and at first it seemed as though the room was empty. There weren't many people who tended to hang around at that time of night. He pulled his maintenance cart into the room with him and lifted the vacuum hose and attachment from it to connect to the one outlet in the room. It was then that a voice spoke up from the one corner of the room, making him realize the room was, in fact, occupied.

"You're not going to start that thing with me in here are you?"

He looked over to where a familiar girl was sitting. It was starting to get pretty common seeing her in that staff lounge a couple times a week. She was a student and teaching assistant. There was a stack of what he assumed were probably assignments she was supposed to grade in front of her on the table she was seated at.

"I'm kind of trying to work still," she told him sharply, sounding irritated.

"I'll come back later," he said. She didn't thank him or anything.

As he was about to leave he heard something. The sound of throat clearing meant to get his attention. When he looked back over to where she was sitting he could see she was holding her paper coffee cup in her left hand, waving it at him and looking at him expectantly over the rims of her black framed glasses. He guessed the cup was empty.

"You mind getting rid of this for me?" she asked and he had to resist the urge to roll his eyes.

Not saying anything, he approached her. As he reached out to take the cup from her hand, she dropped it to the floor. It wasn't an accident.

"Oops," she said.

"Really?" he questioned as he looked at her straight. "You think I'm picking that up?" he asked her.

She pushed her chair back and stood up then. She looked back at him challengingly. "Yeah, I think you are," she replied firmly.

"Oh yeah? And then what?" he asked. She smiled at him then.

The then what wasn't really a question. He knew what. The same what that had happened between the two of them a few times already. Her name was Stacy. That's all he really new about her except her student and teaching assistant status and that she liked to pretend to boss him around. Outside of that, she was one of the prettiest girls he'd ever seen. Sexy, he supposed. She had silky skin and long glossy dark hair that smelled like some kind of wildflower, and for some reason she was interested in having sex with him whenever it was late and they were alone in the immediate area. Relatively alone. Unlikely to be caught in the act but with the prospect of it happening still known.

It was the second time in the staff lounge, first time on one of the plaid couches in the room, though it couldn't possibly be the first time two people had hooked up on it.

"Bet this thing's seen a lot of action over the years," Stacy noted as she was readjusting her clothing. "You alright?" she asked him while he was re-buttoning the front of his uniform. "You seem quieter than your usual anti-social self," she pointed out.

"Just tired," he told her with a weak smile.

"Right," she said a little doubtfully. "You know, we could try hooking up off-campus sometime. You've got my number," she reminded him.

"Yeah, maybe," he agreed. "I gotta get back to work," he said.

"Ditching me to go mop some floors and plunge some toilets?" she questioned jokingly as she went to retrieve her things. She took the stack of papers she'd had in front of her on the table and put them in her messenger bag.

"It's kinda what they pay me to do," he replied and she smiled.

"Alright. Well, see you Thursday, Jan," she said before finally leaving him alone in the room.

Jan. Janitor. She knew even less about him than he knew about her.

He finished out the rest of his shift and made his way back to the maintenance hub in the main building to put his supplies away, change out of his uniform, and punch—technically swipe—out. He had an employee card that he had to slide through a machine at the beginning and end of the shift and a fingerprint scanner he had to stick his thumb onto.

It was the one time he couldn't deny who he really was as his last name and first initial flashed on the screen. So there were a few people who knew who he was. The college human resources department and the few guys who worked the same shifts. Either they didn't know the significance of his identity, didn't care, or were polite enough not to try to talk to him about it. He knew a couple of the guys had criminal records and were working their jobs as part of parole or probation requirements.

Maybe the type of people he was working with just understood and valued privacy more than others. Maybe they all felt the same, that the past was shit you just don't bring up in case you offend someone or make them uncomfortable.

After swiping out, he went to leave through the bay door that was open. One of the other guys was there, waiting for his ride to come pick him up. Harvey. Harv. He was one of the slightly older guys working there. In his later forties maybe. He'd been working at the college for something like fifteen years.

"What were you doin'," Harv asked him when he came up to the doorway. He had a rolled joint in his hand ready to light.

"Math and Sciences Building, same as always," he said as he looked outside. It was starting to drizzle. He hoped it wasn't going to start raining while he was walking to the train station.

Although he had his bike, he wasn't licensed yet. Even if he were, he knew there was an unlikely chance of him driving regularly on the plate, if Zack had anything to say about it. It was so busy and people tended to drive like maniacs. His friend had already been pretty clear he didn't like the idea of him driving at night and basically, he just didn't like him driving.

"Who was you doin'," Harv asked next and he looked back at him in confusion.

"What?" he asked and the guy pointed toward his neck with the joint he had between his thumb and forefinger.

Cloud rubbed at the skin on the right side of his neck and found remnants of lipstick or gloss on his fingertips. Stacy's. Harvey laughed at him then.

"Shit kid, you really do get more ass than a toilet seat around here, don't you?" he said with the joint now between his lips. He raised his lighter up to spark and light the end of it.

"Gross, Harv," Cloud muttered.

He thought about it though. He supposed Harvey wasn't really wrong. Between the campus and the clubs…yeah he supposed he was getting more action than some people.

"Nothin' wrong with it," Harv said as he offered him a toke from his joint. "If I was still young and had a face worth lookin' at I wouldn't be turnin' down any opportunities," he commented.

Cloud nodded as he took a short hit off the joint and passed it back. When he thought about it, there were more opportunities than he'd taken advantage of for sure, but he wasn't willing to bring people back to his, or rather Rayna's, apartment, and he hadn't made it to the point where he'd even consider going with someone to their home either. In fact, he was pretty sure he'd never make it to that point. Anytime it was even suggested, his mind was immediately making the conclusion that he was being led into some kind of trap. His fear successfully had him convinced that alleys, bathrooms, and the utility closets or lounges on campus were somehow safer spaces. They felt…neutral. The spaces didn't belong to any one person in particular. There was nothing personal about them.

Not even the things he did with other people in those spaces was personal. Harv could say there was nothing wrong with it, but he knew inside himself there probably was because he wasn't doing what he did because he really wanted to. He felt in some deranged way that he had to. He wanted to want to be with people. He wanted to like sex and to get out of it what other people seemed to, and he wanted it to be…insignificant. He wanted it to be normal, like breathing, though most days his breathing wasn't so normal either.

"Here," Harv spoke up after a short silence as they were both staring out into the parking lot. He offered his joint again but Cloud shook his head.

"I'm good," he said.

"If you ask me, your stressed out ass needs to be smoking up as often as possible," Harv told him and he smiled a little.

"Got kinda shit lungs," he informed him softly.

"Here, check this out," Harv said as he bent down to unzip one of the pockets on his old backpack sitting on the ground at his feet. He pulled from it a small baggy of something that he handed to Cloud.

Cloud looked down at what appeared to be some kind of soft candies in the small bag.

"Edibles, man," Harvey told him.

"Uh, that's okay," he said as he passed the bag back to him. "Thanks, but I got a kid who comes around and with my luck she'd find those in a second," he told him as he thought of Marlene. Last thing he would want is for her to get her hands on some drug-laced candies.

"That's real responsible of you," Harv said with a smile as he zipped the bag back up into the pocket of his backpack. "How old's your kid?" he asked.

Cloud found himself looking down at the ground then. "Oh, uh, no she's not mine," he said in return. "I just watch her sometimes."

"Well..." Harv said as the ride he'd been waiting on finally pulled up outside. He picked up his backpack to sling over his one shoulder. "The way you're banging your way through campus you're bound to have a kid out there one day," he joked.

After Harvey had gotten into the car that had come for him and disappeared, Cloud took his phone from his pocket and looked at it. He had messages from a few people. Zack. Tifa. Rick.

You comin out tonight or no? was Rick's inquiry.

He thought about Harv's words about how responsible he was and scoffed internally. Responsible would be going home after work. Responsible would be sitting down with Zack and telling him all the things he was hiding from him. Responsible would be facing what he didn't want to. Facing and doing something about the fact he was being haunted by Sephiroth and Angeal and Hojo and Rand every damn night when he struggled to sleep and failed. Doing something other than what he had been doing. He could just go home. Could just text Zack. Tell him he needed to see him.

But, who was he kidding? He texted back his reply to Rick. One word.

Yeah.