General Content Warning: Chapters in this story may contain upsetting or triggering content including but possibly not limited to violence, consensual and non-consensual sexual references and descriptions, drug and alcohol use and abuse, references to or descriptions of mental illness, self-harm or self-injurious behaviour, and references to or discussions of suicide.

~Twenty-Nine~

Tifa seemed surprised to see Zack when he walked into the bar for his shift. It was a couple hours before opening but he couldn't sit alone in his apartment a second longer without trashing it at that point. What felt like grief was starting to also feel like panic and despair forming in the pit of his stomach. He had to get out of there.

When he got to the bar, Tifa was washing some dishes in the kitchen in the back. She seemed startled when she came into the bar area with a bin of cleaned glasses in her hands and saw him taking the chairs down from the tables.

It was only that morning that Tifa had learned through a phone call from Aerith that she was going to be going away on a retreat for a few months. It had been a complete surprise for Tifa and there'd been no time for her to even meet with Aerith in person to say goodbye. Aerith said she hadn't wanted a party or any kind of going away send-off.

"You came in through the front door?" was the first thing Tifa said when she saw him, something she wasn't used to.

"Yeah," he confirmed without looking at her. "You hate when I use the back," he reminded her.

"That's never stopped you from doing it," she argued softly and he just shrugged to that. "Is…is she really gone?" Tifa asked him then and he finally looked at her.

"Yeah," he confirmed and received what seemed like a sad and pitying expression from her. It was the last thing he wanted to see.

"You know," she said as he went back to setting the chairs down onto the floor in front of the tables, "this is always one of our slower nights," she pointed out. He knew what was coming before she said it. "I can manage without you if you'd rather—"

"Sit at home alone?" he finished sharply for her. He watched her set down the bin of glasses on the bar top. She didn't seem to know what to say or how to even really look at him. "Thanks," he said, his tone softening again. "But…I'd rather just work," he told her and nodded.

"Okay," she said with a small smile.

000

It was barely eight at night and Rand was considering going to bed. He'd drank enough in the afternoon and early evening hours that he was feeling the need for sleep. He'd been seated in front of the television flipping stations, barely paying attention to what was going on when he heard a loud pounding on his apartment door. It sounded urgent and yet he considered not bothering to get up. Another round of the pounding found him dragging himself up to see who it was. He assumed it was someone at the wrong door. That wasn't it. It was the right door, but it was for a reason he hadn't seen coming.

After a brief look through the peek hole in the door he unlocked it and opened it, almost at the same time he began to pull it open though, Cloud was pushing it open forcefully and coming into the apartment.

Cloud could tell Rand was taken by surprise seeing him there.

"What are you doing?" the man asked as he shut the door again.

During the ride back to Junon, Cloud had gone over and over in his head what he wanted to say to Rand. None of the various ways of approaching him were what really played out when he got there though. "Were you part of Hojo's secret baby project?!" he was yelling in accusation almost immediately.

"What?" Rand questioned with confusion as he moved away from the door to face Cloud. "Why are you here? What's going—"

Before he could finish Cloud had hold of him, the material of his t-shirt in his fists. He threw Rand back against the closed apartment door. "You forced me to give him that sample in Gongaga! You said it was for testing, you're a fucking liar!" he shouted angrily.

"What sample?" Rand asked him. He seemed genuinely confused but Cloud wasn't buying the act.

"What sample?! The one you strapped me down into a goddamn chair for to take yourself if I didn't give it to you! You fucking asshole!"

He was pushing the man hard against the door. Rand hand his hands on his wrists then and was trying to get him to let go of his shirt.

"Okay, just, calm down," Rand said. It was a soft command but the words had Cloud's temper rising quickly and he pulled Rand back from the door and turning him before releasing one of his hands from his shirt to send a hard hit into his face.

Cloud let go of the man completely then as he stumbled backward into the living area of his apartment. He managed to stay standing and quickly tried to make distance as Cloud moved to advance on him.

"Stop!" he ordered while moving backward quickly, getting himself to where the couch and coffee table were between them. "Okay, I know what sample you mean," he admitted. "It was for testing," he tried to claim.

Cloud picked up the first thing that he saw that was near his hand, a heavy hard covered book on the side table next to the couch that he pitched forcefully toward the man. Rand raised his arms instinctually and the book hit one of them before falling to the ground. Cloud already had the next thing in his hand, a ceramic lamp.

"Put it—" the man began to order but as Cloud raised the lamp and launched it he was forced to duck. It crashed into the man's small kitchen table and shattered. He had the next thing in his hand quickly, a heavy crystal whiskey glass that had been on the coffee table. "I was told it was for testing!" Rand claimed loudly then, making him pause. "That's the truth, Cloud."

Breathing hard from his anger, Cloud studied his expression trying to judge if he believed him before finally setting the empty glass back down hard enough he was surprised it didn't smash anyway.

"Testing," he said sharply. "I can't believe I was so dumb that it never entered my mind what he could do with something like that," he said, talking to himself about Hojo, feeling angry tears welling up in his eyes.

"What do you mean? What did he do?" Rand asked. He seemed truly puzzled.

"He sent it off to some fertility clinic. He wanted surrogacy services," Cloud told him and watched as his eyes lowered to look at the floor.

"Oh," Rand muttered barely loud enough to hear.

"Oh?" Cloud fired back. "That's it? Oh? You didn't know anything? You had no idea?" he questioned with accusation in his tone.

Rand shook his head at that. "Did anything…come of that?" he asked tentatively.

"Yeah, a pregnancy," was his sharp response he launched as hard as if it were another object. His tone did soften a little then as he added, "Some girl—woman, I don't know…" He wasn't looking at Rand anymore then as he looked over at the television screen briefly, barely noting some kind of infomercial on, demonstrating us of a cooking pan.

"Where is she? Was the child born?"

Rand's questions had him blinking and nodding a little.

"Yeah. It's gone," he said. He felt his adrenaline falling hard then. He was shaking. The sick feeling in his stomach as returning.

"Gone," Rand echoed.

"It got sick and died apparently," Cloud told him and he finally looked up at him again. "Probably because that sample that came from me, that DNA, my DNA, is messed up. It's fucking defective."

The man shook his head slowly. "There's lots of other reasons that could explain—" he started to say and Cloud stopped him fast.

"Some better reason than some kind of hybrid freak genetic code?" he blurted at him. "I'm not even human anymore!" he declared as he threw his arms out at his sides before putting his hands to his face to rub at it harshly. It was starting to feel impossible to hold back his tears that had wanted out of him since Tseng called him.

"That's not true," Rand argued.

"You said that!" Cloud retorted quickly, lowering his hands again. "Scientifically, biologically, chemically, whatever—"

"Even if there's some truth there, that doesn't mean what happened to the child is your fault," Rand conveyed to him gently.

Cloud scoffed to that and looked around the apartment briefly before his eyes finally settled back on the man and he stared him down intensely.

"You swear you know nothing about this?" he questioned firmly.

"I swear," Rand assured him.

With that Cloud felt his anger disintegrate under the much heavier feeling of grief and not knowing what he was supposed to do now. It was too much…this…it was too much.

"Who told you all this?" Rand asked him then but he just shook his head.

"Who cares," the words fell out of him. He leaned a little against the couch and quickly swiped away a tear that had trickled from the corner of his left eye.

"It's going to be okay—" Rand tried to tell him.

He didn't hear him. All he could really hear was his own voice screaming at him inside. He felt like every part of him that was still intact was imploding, crushing in on itself. He couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm done," he said aloud to the ceiling before turning toward the door again.

That's what he truly felt right then. Done. With everything. Everyone and everything. His movements felt automatic, out of his control as he was making his way to leave.

"Where are you going?" Rand called after him quickly then but he didn't answer, not even as Rand said his name. The former Keeper had rushed up behind him to take hold of his one arm.

"Get away from me," he said as he shoved him back from him.

"No, you're not leaving like this," Rand told him firmly, clutching onto him tightly then with both hands. "Cloud," he said his name and tried to make him face him. As Cloud tore out of his grip he stepped in front of him, blocking his access to the door.

"You think you can stop me!" Cloud challenged him. He wasn't scared of Rand anymore. He just saw him as an obstacle no different than a piece of furniture blocking his way at that point.

"I'll do whatever I have to do to keep you from doing something crazy right now," the man retorted, making Cloud laugh dryly as he reached around Rand to get hold of the door handle.

Rand fought with him to keep him from accessing the hall, holding the door closed under the weight of his body and finally wrestling with Cloud when he tried to force his way around him to get out of the apartment. The man was a lot stronger than Cloud remembered, but really he hadn't been in a physical face-off with him like that before. He was cursing at the man, shouting at him to get away from him when he just managed to get the door open a few inches. Rand was able to force it shut again before getting him into a hold where he had him immobilized.

"Are you kidding me?!" Cloud shouted at him as Rand had his right arm twisted behind his back and was able to pull him back a few steps from the door, turning him and bearing weight down on him.

He felt something press into the back of his right knee, maybe it was Rand's own knee. He didn't know. The man's weight pressing down on him though and a sudden application of force to his arm that brought sharp pain to his shoulder and elbow had him crying out and dropping to his one knee on the floor. It brought tears to his eyes instantly.

"Just stop fighting and relax," Rand ordered him. In response to that, Cloud tried to wrench himself out from the man's hold to stand himself up. The man wasn't having it, only applying more pressure with his other hand between his shoulder blades, keeping him hunched over.

"I really hate you, Rand, you know that?!" he shouted.

"You can hate me, it's okay," the man told him in a level tone. "It's okay," he repeated as Cloud finally gave in and stopped resisting. "It's going to be okay," the man said as he let go of his arm and stopped applying pressure to his back.

Even though he was free to move again, Cloud stayed where he was, shifting his body to sit while he put his head in his hands.

"It's not okay," he denied through his tears that had started flowing. "Everything is screwed up." He cried for a minute before taking a breath and quieting himself again. "I can't do this anymore," he muttered barely audibly.

"What can't you do?" the man asked from where he'd sat down next to him on the floor.

This life, Cloud thought, though he didn't voice that aloud. Instead he said softly, "There's just always something worse around the corner. It doesn't get better or easier, you just get fucking older."

"I'm sorry," was all the man said to that. After a moment Cloud looked up at him. The man actually looked like he felt. At the end of his own rope perhaps. He looked truly more unkempt then he'd ever seen him before, and tired.

"You smell like old whiskey," he commented.

"Probably," Rand agreed with a short nod.

"Where is it?" Cloud inquired. The man caught on to why he was asking and shook his head.

"No, you don't need—" he started to tell him and Cloud cut him off fast.

"You don't know what I need. You never did," he stated firmly. Rand appeared to be considering it then.

"Will you stay?" he asked and Cloud looked away from him before nodding a little.