The following weekend is a busy one. Laura ropes Jenny into helping with the book exchange she organises every year. Jenny thinks she was just there to keep Laura sane as the students harangued her with question after question. Laura was in her element though. As a thank you, Laura takes her to the coffee shop down the block from her apartment.

Jenny orders a tea while Laura takes a cappuccino.

"Not your usual black coffee, hold the sugar and cream," Laura observes as they luck out as another couple gets up to leave, opening up a corner table.

"Felt like a change," Jenny replies, shrugging out of her coat.

Laura lets out a moan of appreciation as she sips at her coffee. "This is going to keep me awake half the night, but it's oh so good." She gives Jenny an appraising look. "I feel like I've barely seen you lately."

"You know how it is when the term gets going," Jenny replies. "Thank you for meeting with Dawn, by the way, Buffy really appreciated you taking the time to go over the course material with her."

Laura waves her hand to dismiss Jenny. "I was happy to do it, you know that. You said you used to teach Buffy? From your old job?"

Jenny feels herself flush. "Yeah, I left during Buffy's junior year of high school."

"Must have been quite a shock, running into her like that," Laura, more perceptive than Jenny gives her credit for, just nods thoughtfully. Jenny rolls her eyes.

"Brought back some memories," Jenny admits. "Stop looking at me like that, we caught up."

"It's fine but I'm kind of curious about your life before moving here. All I know is it involved your international man of mystery."

"Rupert's not a mystery," Jenny laughs lightly.

"Rupert?"

Uh oh.

"Yeah, that's his name," Jenny admits. "He was the librarian at the same high school." She pauses, swallowing. "He's like a mentor to Buffy."

"Ah."

Oh, that's a loaded 'ah', Jenny thinks, especially when Laura frowns.

"He mentors her all the way from England?"

During their dinner, Buffy had explained it was Rupert's decision to return to England, saying he was the one who could tell Jenny why. Jenny hadn't pushed because the younger woman was uncomfortable with the situation. Buffy had qualified her cryptic explanation by saying there was one good thing about Giles relocating to England; Willow had needed somewhere to go and Giles was helping her.

She'd fallen in love and her girlfriend died. Willow gave into her grief, almost ripping Sunnydale apart in the process. Rupert had stopped her and taken her to England to recuperate.

Anything else, Buffy had said, Jenny'll need to ask Rupert if he responds to her letter. Jenny thinks back to his first letter, how he mentioned his conversations with Willow made him think about their relationship and prompted him to reach out.

Her heart aches for her former student, feeling that much pain she literally has no other option than to release it. She understands the comparison Rupert made; she's been grieving their relationship for four years. Has Rupert?

There is so much she doesn't know, so much she's scared to find out, so much she's scared to admit. This letter-writing holding pattern isn't helping. She's using it as a shield and a way to keep her distance while trying to reestablish a connection with Rupert.

If she and Rupert are going to have any kind of relationship, she has to stop being afraid.

That doesn't mean she'll call him first. It means she'll pick up the phone if he calls.

When she doesn't say anything, Laura asks, "How are things going with your pen pal?"

"Do you have to phrase it that way?" Jenny pulls a face at Laura.

"How else would I classify it?" Her friend returns haughtily. "You're not currently romantically involved and you exchange letters. That, by definition, is a pen pal."

Jenny sips her tea, unamused by Laura's assertion, which is just a ruse to get a reaction out of her or an admission that it's more than two former lovers keeping in touch amiably. Or possibly both.

"I sent him my phone number," Jenny explains. She figures giving Laura a smidgen of truth will stop her from probing for more. It was easier talking to Buffy, awkward, but easier. Jenny didn't have to skirt the truth, not like she did with Laura. Buffy knows what happened and clearly blames herself for some of it.

"About time," Laura grouses fondly at her. "From your expression, I assume he hasn't called yet."

Jenny does the quick calculation in her head; Rupert should have received her letter yesterday, maybe today at the latest. He hasn't called, yet. She's not sure he will. Her letter was one giant contradiction, she told him it was too soon and gave him her number.

"I'm not entirely sure I want him to call," she confesses focusing on her cup and its saucer.

"Why not?" Laura's tone is void of her usual blend of mirth and general teasing.

"I think it's too soon," Jenny admits. "I also want him to prove me wrong. Is it strange to be so afraid of something but want it just as much?"

"Yes," her friend replies simply. "Jenny, the way you've spoken about your relationship, how you guard it with all your heart," Laura breathes out. "I'm curious to know why you're not together now. You said you both made mistakes and for those to keep you apart, they must have been important."

She pauses, her words sinking in. "I don't want to discourage you, truly. Whatever reasons you had to leave, they weren't enough to keep you from writing him back after four years and that must mean what you two have is very special. However, I suspect it will take more than one phone call to fix."

"I know that," Jenny agrees. "I know that." She shrugs. "I don't expect anything to be fixed over the phone. There are things Rupert and I need to say to each other that don't really convey well with pen and paper. One phone call might make the pen and paper thing easier," she tacks on.

"But you're not willing to call him first?"

Jenny flushes again.

"He's going to call, Jenny," Laura tells her with absolute certainty.

Rupert does call.

That night, Jenny almost slips on her bathroom's tiled floor as she gets out of the shower in a rush to answer her phone. She rights her balance, grabbing her towel from the rack as she dashes into her bedroom to pick up the receiver.

"Hello?" She sits on the edge of her bed, wraps her towel around her, and tucks it under her arms to secure it.

"Jenny?"

No one says her name like Rupert does.

His soft, gentle lilt of his. There's a flutter in her chest.

"Rupert, hi," she says breathlessly. "You called."

"Um, yes, hello." She bites her lip at his stumble. "I, uh, just want you to know I think you're right, it is too soon to talk."

"You know, in all the years we've known each other, for all the bickering, I always thought hearing you say that would feel better than this," Jenny muses. Rupert's answering laugh is warm and sad. "And if I am right, why did you call?" She lets the question hang.

"You gave me your number. If you're busy, we can postpone-."

"Rupert," Jenny says softly. He stops stammering. "Why did you call?"

"I wanted to hear your voice," he confesses just as softly yet with certainty. "Selfish, I know," he admits with his next breath.

Jenny swallows. "Rupert," she says again.

"Yes?"

"I gave you my number, I practically dared you to call me," Jenny points out. "No matter what I said about it being too soon, I wanted to hear your voice, too."

Silence follows her confession. The anxiety she'd been carrying around with her lifted when he said her name. This conversation will be difficult, she knows that, but she feels better equipped for it just by acknowledging that. She feels like she did that first day back after summer vacation when they saw each other for the first time in the quad.

"What time is it there?" Jenny asks, shuffling back towards her pillows and keeping the towel secured around her. She pulls the comforter out from beneath her to fold over her lap.

"Just coming up to one in the morning," Rupert replies. "I, uh, wasn't sure when I should call. I just hoped you'd be home this evening."

"Evenings are good, I'm normally home." Jenny closes her eyes at how pathetic that sounds to her own ears. Something about his stumbling grounds her, reminds her some things have stayed the same despite all that's changed. "How about you? When's good for you?"

"Anytime is fine," Rupert freely admits. "I have a few things to research for the council to keep me busy but most of the time, I'm home keeping Willow company. Though she's got it into her head she can't stay indefinitely despite the fact she's more than welcome to."

Jenny smiles at his contemplative worrying. "I'm sure she knows that, but she probably knows that she has to come home at some point. You've made her feel she can do that, the rest is up to her. It's part of recovering."

"Did Buffy tell you everything?"

"Only about Willow's situation, I think," she tells him, hoping to give him some reassurance. "She said the rest of the story is yours to tell." A beat. "You don't need to tell me if you don't want to, Rupert."

"I want to, but perhaps not during this conversation."

She wasn't expecting that. She can hear it in his voice, the want, the self-depreciation.

"I don't want to burden you with my problems, Jenny, that's not why I reached out."

"Why did you?" She needs to know. He told her he wanted to get to know as they are now, which implies they've probably both changed more than location. She wonders why he left Sunnydale and Buffy, especially after her mother died. Buffy obviously felt his absence despite remaining tight-lipped about it.

"I was wrong to make you leave," he whispers, bringing her back to him. "I can see that now."

"Hindsight is a bitch, isn't it?"

"Yes, yes, it is." She can hear his watery smile. They're quiet for a moment. "I also want to apologise."

"Would you do anything differently?" Jenny grips the phone tighter, willing him not to answer because she already knows what he's going to say. She wouldn't either.

"Probably not, no."

Notes:

Oh boy...Thank you all for bearing with me, I had to get a couple of things right for the next chapter before posting this one. Any feedback is welcome, let me know what you think.