"What did you think? When you first met me?"
Jane looked at Maura over the lip of her beer bottle, taking a quick sip. She tried to remain casual, but she meant the question seriously, and she could tell by the way that Maura stilled for a moment that she was taking her answer seriously as well.
Jane searched her friend's face for clues, a reconnaissance mission spurred by a desperate, tiny hope that maybe Jane was wrong. Maybe there was something there, or once had been. Jane could tell Maura was choosing her words very carefully, which she recognized as her tactic to avoid lying while holding back the actual truth.
"I considered it possible that you were homosexual," Maura stated after a moment, accompanied by a small shrug. She took a sip of her beer and made a face.
Jane smiled wryly at Maura's diplomacy. "Jeez, and you would have made your conclusion based on the available data, so it really must have been obvious," she said with a small laugh. She chalked up Maura's careful consideration before answering to her friend hadn't wanted to offend her by stating what had evidently been apparent to everyone but Jane.
Jane glanced down at the bottle of beer that had just offended Maura's refined palate. "You want to switch? It was very cute, the bit with the beer, but I can get you a glass of wine." Jane's heart stuttered as she heard her own words. She hadn't meant for it to sound quite so flirtatious but decided to lean into it, and looked Maura directly in the eyes. She found herself holding her breath, and holding out hope. Her heart crashed into her stomach when it looked like Maura winced.
"I should probably get home, actually. It's been a long week," Maura said, and then she pulled her lower lip into her mouth with the tip of her tongue, and Jane tried not to watch as it slowly slid back out. Her heart felt like it was breaking, which was so fucking dumb. Jane felt a sharp pang of embarrassment as she suddenly remembered she'd made plans with Amy, and glanced quickly at her watch to see if she was late for them.
Maura saw, and continued. "This was nice, Jane. It may be hard to believe based on how I've acted, but I missed this. Maybe we can get coffee next week, work our way back some more?" And then Maura was moving to stand, and Jane was on her feet, blocking her before she knew what she was doing. Jane couldn't tell if she was fucking this up and she tried not to show her panic.
"Work our— Maura," Jane infused her name with as much tenderness as she could. She reached for one of her hands, squeezing it gently. She felt immediate relief when she could feel Maura give a light squeeze in return, watching her as she looked down at their hands. She wondered if Maura, like her, was cataloging every time they've touched since this fight began. Jane had this down as the fourth. She continued softly. "We're back. Maybe it's a little weird for a while, but we are back."
"Thank you, Jane," Maura said demurely. Jane watched as her eyes travelled from their joined hands, all the way up Jane's arm, before finally looking at her directly. "But don't let me keep you."
Jane felt aflame. She looked down into Maura's eyes, and truly, seriously considered kissing her. If it went badly, they could probably come back from it, she figured. Maura understood the biology of attraction better than anyone, she wouldn't hold Jane's against her, even if she didn't share it. But the soft, sad look in Maura's eyes stopped her. This evening had gone so well. It felt like miles had been travelled. She couldn't take advantage of Maura's vulnerability and forgiveness. She gave Maura's hand one last squeeze, and let go.
"See you soon?" Jane tried to keep the desperation out of her voice.
"Yes, soon." Maura said, a little distantly, and before Jane could interrogate when 'soon' would be, Maura was heading for the door. Jane watched her all the way, and stood staring at the door for a long moment after Maura was already gone.
She groaned loudly as she folded herself back into the booth, shoulders slumping. She reached for her beer and finished it in one long gulp, grimacing afterwards. Next came Maura's abandoned beer, but this one she took slower, starting with a small sip, and trying not to imagine she could taste her on the mouth of the bottle. Jane closed her eyes and leaned her head against the wall beside her.
The evening felt like both resounding success and abject disaster. The air between them was clearing, and they had teased and laughed and spoken about feelings. Jane didn't necessarily feel like they were out of the woods with their friendship, but the reconnection felt real. Strong.
But oh fuck, her heart. She'd let her guard down or something. The walls Jane had built were tall, but she hadn't dug deep enough into the earth, and something from tonight had burrowed its way underneath. Jane took another sip of beer, heaving a sigh. It had been so easy just ten days ago. When she hadn't been seeing Maura at all, she'd pushed this out of her daily thoughts almost entirely, barely even acknowledging it to herself. And then suddenly, they were spending time together, and everything was bubbling at the surface. Perhaps she'd miscalculated her ability to compartmentalize. Jane wasn't entirely abandoning her belief that she could learn to live with these feelings, or even eventually get over them. It just felt very possible she'd end up blurting them out like an idiot. The only thing she knew for certain was that avoiding Maura indefinitely was not an option—she had to get the friendship back on solid ground. They simply had to be friends. Whatever happened after that didn't matter.
She drummed her fingers against the tabletop and looked at her phone. She was supposed to meet Amy soon, but she knew what kind of evening was waiting for her, and there was no way she could do that while feeling this way about Maura. The way her body was thrumming with pent up energy for someone else, it wouldn't be fair. She grabbed her phone and composed a quick text, lying about a break in a case. That was true often enough that it barely felt like deception. A few texts back and forth and Jane had plans to see Amy at her market the next day. She sighed in relief and went to slide out of the booth. Maybe she could just sleep this off.
Jane's head rolled against the back of the couch as the hardened tip of a tongue carved a path from behind her ear, travelling just below the hard line of her jaw, and pressing in where her pulse throbbed the hardest. Her heart was hammering in her ears, but Jane could still hear Sportscenter beginning its third replay of the night across the room. The tongue softened and lips joined it, traveling wet and warm down Jane's throat. She opened her eyes as she felt the mouth against her neck pull away.
Maura.
It was Maura straddling Jane, one leg on either side of Jane's thighs. Maura, eyes dark with want, blouse unbuttoned. Maura, biting her lip hard as she ground down into Jane's lap, searching for the friction their current geometry couldn't provide. Jane watched, enraptured, as Maura wordlessly took Jane's left hand with both of hers and curled her ring and little finger in against the palm. She pressed a kiss against the tips of Jane's index and middle finger before parting her lips and taking Jane inside her mouth, down to the second knuckles, eyes fluttering shut. Jane could feel Maura's moan reverberate against her fingers. She felt frozen in place. Jane found she could do nothing but watch as Maura, still with both hands holding Jane's left, withdrew the fingers from her mouth, and, with great purpose, directed Jane's hands between her legs. She leaned forward, facilitating access, and pressed her lips to the shell of Jane's ear and breathed.
"The Red Sox lost four to two to the Orioles, dropping their record to 68 and 84 on the season."
Jane bolted awake on her couch and looked around with wild eyes. Sportscenter was in fact playing, she could feel her heartbeat hammering in two places, and Maura was nowhere to be seen.
"Oh, you gotta be fucking kidding me," Jane moan, placing her hands over her face and digging her fingertips into her eyes. She couldn't recall having a sex dream that vivid since high school, and this one didn't even have the decency to make her come in that faraway way that sex dreams sometimes did. That thought made Jane flush at a memory of Maura telling her about a 'fascinating study on nocturnal orgasm in women' before Jane had begged her to stop and refused to provide her own data point.
Jane swung her legs off the crouch and onto the ground then checked her watch to find it was just past five in the morning. Earlier than she wanted to be up but late enough that she didn't even have to pretend she could get back to sleep after that.
She made her way to the kitchen and turned the hot water tap on. As she waited for it to get as hot as possible, she poured instant coffee into a mug without measuring, then thrust it under the running tap. She stirred a spoonful of sugar into it and walked out of the kitchen with the mug in hand. Jane sipped around the spoon as she made her way to her bedroom, letting Jo Friday run figure eights around her legs. It was perhaps the worst cup of coffee she'd ever had, and Jane took a small amount of pleasure in imagining how horrified Maura would be by it. But then that mental version of Maura, aghast and explaining the sediment build up in a hot water heater Maura, was immediately replaced by a vivid flash of sexy dream Maura. Jane swore to herself, taking a seat on the edge of her bed while consuming a big gulp of her coffee, crunching undissolved granules of both coffee and sugar between gritted teeth.
She once again cursed her cocky confidence from the previous week. It had only taken Jane a few days to get from being one hundred percent sure she could suppress her feelings for Maura indefinitely, to feeling like she might die if she doesn't tell her. She thought back to the simple two step plan she'd formulated the night before—fix friendship first, then ?.
"So let's get fixing, right?" She muttered down to Jo Friday, who acknowledged her with an eager shake of her tiny dog butt. Jane got dressed for exercise, pulling on a worn BPD t-shirt and some jogging shorts. She glanced at her watch and saw it wasn't even five thirty yet. On Saturdays, Maura usually left the house to run around seven, which gave Jane plenty of time to give Jo a good walk before driving over to Beacon Hill.
Late summer was swiftly bleeding into autumn, and Jane threw on a hoodie before tying her hair back and grabbing Jo's leash. She skipped down her building steps with dog in tow, oddly energized despite the early wake up and only having the world's saddest coffee for breakfast. Maybe she'd fallen asleep earlier than she thought she did. Or maybe it was the unspent sexual energy from dream fucking her best friend. Who could say, really. She broke into a brisk walk, which thrilled the little terrier who scampered along beside her.
An hour and a half later, in Maura's driveway, Jane bounced from foot to foot with phone in hand. She tapped on her messaging app and started scrolling until she found her chat with Maura. Although she knew that the two of them hadn't texted since before the shooting, it was still a little jarring to find their chat history and see that the last message had been the two of them volleying nervous jokes back and forth about Maura wearing a wire. Jane cleared her throat and composed her message, then hit send as soon as the digital display showed 7:00am in the corner of her screen.
J: you up?
She raised a brow when she saw 'read 7:00 AM' show up immediately below her text message. She figured Maura would have turned those off for her. She suddenly felt a little bad that she had turned them off for Maura.
M: Yes. Everything okay?
J: run this morning?
M: Are you asking me if I ran this morning, or are you asking me if I'd like to run this morning?
Jane rolled her eyes.
J: like to run
M: …
Jane watched the typing graphic undulate on the screen for a long time, and her brows knit together in concern at the amount of typing and/or indecision that seemed to indicate. Was she about to be rejected? Suddenly the ellipses disappeared, and Jane's breath caught in her throat. A text bubble blooped into existence before she could start to spiral.
M: Sure.
Jane decided not to think about how long a single word took. Before Maura could change her mind, Jane hopped up the front steps and hammered the doorbell.
Jane was a little surprised and a lot flustered when the door opened a minute later to reveal Maura in a silk robe and nothing else. For a brief moment Jane had wondered if she'd fallen back asleep on her couch. She knew she was blushing, but hoped it got chalked up to her warm up.
After a little back-and-forth, Maura was upstairs getting ready while Jane was standing over her friend's state-of-the-art juicer, feeling very grateful that it was a more intuitive piece of equipment than Maura's espresso maker. She made a face as the machine burped out a steady, electric green mix of kale, celery, cucumber, lime and green apple. Jane had just enough time to tidy up and place the glass of juice on a coaster on the kitchen island before Maura trotted down her stairs in a jogging ensemble. Jane's eyes swept up her body before noticing the curved eyebrow as her friend approached the glass of juice.
"You figured it out," Maura said with some surprise.
Jane made a wounded face. "I know I don't have a four year degree, but they did have Juicing 101 at my junior college. Drink your nasty drink."
"It's not nasty," Maura said as she approached the counter. She took the glass of green juice in one hand, and placed her other lightly against Jane's forearm in appreciation. Jane breathed deeply through her nose, and resisted looking down at the physical contact. Maura smiled at her before dropping her hand away and taking a sip. "And even if it were, the health benefits would be worth it. But thank you."
Jane couldn't help but smile, and took the glass out of Maura's hand. She rotated her wrist while bringing the glass up to her face, placing her lips exactly where Maura's had been, like a kiss by transference. She took in a mouthful of juice, and looked thoughtful as she swished it around before swallowing. She was too nervous to look at Maura while she did it, instead looking off into the distance like she was doing long division, so she missed the other woman looking a little flushed and completely entranced.
Jane smacked her lips, scrunching her nose just a little. "Tart. But you're right—not nasty." She put the glass back in Maura's hands and finally looked at her, grinning. Maura smiled at her indulgently, which caused Jane's stomach to churn, and went back to her juice without another word.
The clip at which Maura was running felt a little ridiculous. Jane hadn't put this much effort into keeping pace with her since they trained for the marathon. For the fourth time during their run, she'd fallen behind, and she pushed herself to come back level with Maura on the path they were running through the Common.
"Did you…" Jane gritted her teeth, a few more long strides putting her slightly ahead of Maura. "…spend the whole six months running?" She threw a glance behind her to find the doctor rolling her eyes.
"I maintained my usual routine." Jane could tell Maura was pushing herself, but her words still came out evenly. Despite her disadvantage in leg length, she pulled even with Jane again. That cyborg thing still wasn't entirely off the table. "Perhaps with a bit more consistency, since I didn't have to deal with dragging you out."
"I look forward to slowing you down again soon, then," Jane shot back with a grin. Maura returned a reprimanding look, but Jane could see the deep enjoyment of their familiar banter in her eyes. It did things to Jane to see that Maura needed this as much as she did. That, more than anything, gave her the energy to surge ahead of the doctor one more time.
"Jane? Did you hear me?"
Jane blinked out of a daze and looked over at Amy. She had not heard her. She had been thinking about parting ways with Maura half an hour ago, how good the entire run had been, how stupid she felt for inviting her back to family dinner so soon, how suddenly loaded their goodbye had felt. Jane looked at Amy's expectant and slightly annoyed face, and a warm trickle of guilt travelled up her spine.
"No, I'm sorry." Jane shrugged helplessly. "Late night." A lie. But she had to commit to the bit, she'd told Amy she'd been pulled away for work the night before. Amy's expression mellowed a bit. It helped that her brother was a cop. She had a lot more patience for this bullshit than Jane probably deserved. Amy put down the crate of produce she was holding, and reached up to caress Jane's cheek. Jane shivered with pleasure. What was she doing? Pining over her almost definitely straight best friend when something increasingly solid was right in front of her?
"I asked you about Tommy. Did he hear back about the job?"
Jane felt warm again, but this time with affection.
"He did, yeah. He didn't get it but only because another guy who interviewed already had his forklift training. The guy promised to call him next time he was looking if Tommy did the certification." Jane watched Amy for a moment, who still had her hand on Jane's cheek, rubbing the line of Jane's cheek bone with her thumb. "You know, that's not really a 'we're just fooling around' question, Amy. And this doesn't feel like 'we're just fooling around' touching."
Amy blushed, dropping her hand away, but Jane caught her gently by the wrist and gave it a squeeze. Amy looked down at their hands before answering. "Well, we were friends before. I do care about you. I remember Tommy." She looked back up, now with a little gleam in her eyes. "And our 'just fooling around' touching isn't very appropriate for a farmer's market."
"Do you want to come to family dinner tonight?" Jane dropped her voice an octave, having learned recently exactly what effect that had on women. "Do you think I've maybe slept with enough other women that we can call this dating?"
Amy raised an eyebrow. Her eyes darkened with arousal, but Jane could see her reservations were still there, too. About Maura. And Jane knew she was right to hold back. Jane wasn't sure what she was doing, and a small part of her thought she might be doing something really unfair. But she liked Amy. She really did.
"I'll come to dinner." Amy answered Jane's first question, but pointedly didn't answer the second. It wasn't really about other women. It was about just the one. Jane could tell it was a challenge, and Amy wasn't about to let her guard down. Jane smiled.
"Great."
This was not great. Jane had probably already blown it. Amy had stumbled upon Jane and Maura holding hands while surrounded with flowers. And then Jane, brilliant fucking brain genius that she was, had asked Maura to Sunday dinner again. In front of Amy. Who she had also asked.
And then Maura… Maura had what? Jane wasn't quite sure how to describe how Maura had behaved. Predatory? Possessive? But in a really bizarrely polite way? Jane couldn't think about that right now.
Amy had pressed her whole body up against Jane's as they said goodbye to Maura, staking a claim, but as soon as they walked back to the driveway, she'd moved away from Jane and eyed her with suspicion. That was where they stood now, Amy staring at Jane, Jane wetting her lips to speak.
"It was about the case. The community garden one. It wasn't—" and Jane wasn't even sure what the alternative would be. It probably looked like a marriage proposal. "She figured out a new angle, possibly, and we were pumped. It's been dead end after dead end." Amy still didn't say anything. Jane kept talking. "She's family, at this point. She… My mom lives here, rent-free. Even when we weren't friends she never considered… She should be at the dinners. I swear—"
Jane was blissfully saved from further word vomit by Angela throwing open the guesthouse door.
"Girls! Come in. Amy, it's so good to see you again. How are your parents? How's your brother? Come in, come in." Angela herded both women into the guesthouse. Amy smiled warmly, and Jane could tell that at least for now, she was content to leave whatever had just happened outside.
"They're all doing well, Mrs. Rizzoli. My dad finally retired last year, and Mark works for the Cambridge PD. Mom's happy he's in a safer job, and she's not even sick of having dad around yet."
"Please! Call me Angela. You're a grown up now. You look lovely," Angela clasped her hands together. Jane smiled at her gratefully. Whether her mother knew it or not, this enthusiasm to see Amy was surely helping Jane's case. The three of them moved to the kitchenette, where Tommy and Frankie were discussing the start to the Patriots season. Frankie looked over at the two of them and broke out into a grin.
"Hey! Geez, finally." Jane's middle brother ambled over to them, Tommy in tow behind him. Frankie craned his neck to peer behind the women. "Where's Maura? We gotta get this show on the road if we want to be done before kickoff. You two kissed and made up right? Do you think she'll let us watch it on her TV?"
Jane barely restrained a groan. She could've killed him right then. She shot a glance at Amy, who had sucked in both her lips and was looking resigned.
"Maura isn't coming," Jane said, as if it should have been obvious.
"She's not?" Tommy chimed in, baffled. "Ma said you two were talking again."
"Did you invite her?" Angela glared at Jane accusingly. Jane looked over to Amy again, trying to catch her eyes. Amy did finally look at her, and Jane looked at her pleadingly, hoping that she'd understand what she said outside. Maura was family, and the Rizzolis were upset that family was missing. Amy gave the barest shrug.
"I did invite her," Jane sighed. "She said she felt bad coming if she wasn't hosting. Can we just drop it and eat?" The look on Angela's face made Jane realize she gave the worst possible reason.
"That's ridiculous," Angela huffed. "I'm going over there." She was storming to the door.
"Ma! Oh my god. She's not going to come, just leave her." But Angela was already flying out the guesthouse. Jane wanted to chase after her mother, she wanted to intercept her before she could get to Maura. But she knew if she took one step towards that door, Amy would leave. Jane didn't want her to leave. She was going to prove this point. Jane heaved a sigh.
"She's not going to come. Let's just get this food on the table. And you two, stop being such idiots and remember your manners. We have a guest. I brought a fucking date and all you can do is think about a big screen TV." She slipped her arm around Amy's waist when she said 'date', and gave her hip a squeeze. Jane felt the other woman soften, but only slightly. Her two brothers looked ashamed.
"I'm sorry, Janie," Tommy said sheepishly. "I'm sorry, Amy. It's really good to see you again, Janie's been talking about you. Lemme get you a beer, yeah?"
Tommy wandered off to the kitchen to grab two beers for Jane and Amy, while Frankie opted for some gentle ribbing about Mark's pillow soft job in Cambridge. They were suddenly having a good time, and Jane was feeling good about her choices. The four of them had the table set and the food on it by the time Angela returned alone. Jane felt awash with relief.
"I told you, Ma. Why'd you have to g—" But Jane didn't get to finish, because a short moment after Angela walked back in, a somewhat uncomfortable looking Maura followed behind. Angela's face broke out into a triumphant grin, while Maura met Jane's eyes and gave a helpless shrug.
"Uh, hi, everyone." Maura barely had a chance to get the words out before she was engulfed by hugs from Tommy and Frankie. Jane stayed where she was, pulled Amy a little closer, and felt her stiffen.
"Now we can eat," Angela said contentedly.