Chapter 26: The Third Debate: Rocket Town
March 9, 0008
Tobin and I had breakfast with Tifa at the diner in Nibelheim on the morning of the third debate. We explained that Tobin had gone into the library auditorium, cloaked, to find no setups of any kind. Tifa seemed relieved, but Tobin seemed a little insecure that he might have missed something.
Of course, Tifa was grateful.
"I feel I'm ready for anything," she said confidently. "I know its in enemy territory, but, if it's a fair fight, I know I can beat him."
"Tobin will be up there next to you," I added. "Cloaked, of course. Nobody will attack you."
"They'll be on their ass, wondering what happened," Tobin added.
"B. C. E.," Tifa said to him.
That stands for "best cousin ever," by they way. Of course, he was her only cousin ever.
Cloud wasn't with them, by the way.
This gave Tifa a chance to tell me something while Tobin was in the bathroom. Mind you, she was a very private person, and almost never discussed her sex life. But, on this occasion, she absolutely couldn't resist, because it was way too hilarious.
It happened when she and Cloud woke up during the morning of their getaway at Gold Saucer. He had been there for her when she had a nightmare, and she decided to reward him.
I'll try to explain this as best as my publisher will allow.
This is kind of stereotypical, but it's true. As it so happens, whenever a man is with a woman for an awfully long period of time, and they're sexually active, he eventually wants to try her…ahem….back door.
Cloud asked Tifa if he could do the deed that morning. Most women I know eventually allowed it, but, given that Tifa wouldn't stop at third base, I would say Cloud had asked a very stupid question.
I thought she might actually punch his lights out for asking.
Instead, she put her arm around him and playfully patted him on the back.
"One condition, bud," she said with a smirk on her face.
With that, she got up and walked out of the bedroom, trying not to laugh.
When Tifa returned to the bedroom, she was sporting a curtain rod in her hands, along with a big grin from ear to ear.
"So here's the deal," she began. "Before I say yes to the ass, you have to say yes first. With this!"
Needless to say, Cloud didn't get what he wanted that morning. But whether he chickened out or if Tifa actually made use of the curtain rod, she didn't say.
I'll admit I'm curious.
Better luck next time, Cloud.
And to any pervs who will inevitably ask whether Tobin and I ever did the deed, I'll just say this: two weeks after the election, Tobin was really…sweet. Specifically, I came home to find that he had cleaned the house for me, so, since he went that extra mile, I figured he deserved it.
THAT NIGHT….
We duly arrived at the Rocket Town Library that evening. The debate was scheduled for eight, but, like the previous times, they waited until the auditorium couldn't hold any more people. Sumner Balen was in the crowd, as was the older Downing men. On our side, we had Cloud, Barret, Jessie, Cid, Shera, Reeve, Parker, Sage, and Yuffie. I was kind of surprised Yuffie came, considering she wasn't old enough to vote. Red XIII, meanwhile, couldn't come, as the library carried a homo-sapiens-only policy.
Of course, Tobin and I were there, too.
When that was settled, the moderator took his seat. It was none other than Dirk Downing!
I cringed. Tobin had said that there weren't any sexist or homophobic questions in the book, but I was somewhat suspicious that he might blurt one out anyway.
Tobin wasn't visible next to me, by the way; he was already cloaked and on the stage, just in case someone tried to attack Tifa, like last time.
A moment later, Jack Balen and Tifa walked out onto the stage and acknowledged the crowd.
Like last time, they did not shake hands. They went straight to their podiums afterwards.
Dirk Downing asked the first question.
"Mr. Balen, how do you plan to handle the economic situation in North Corel?"
"The answer is to simply create more jobs," Jack Balen responded. "That means preventing ours from going to the Eastern and Northern Continents. If we bring more jobs here, our economy will have its largest boom since the Shinra Company was founded."
There was a roar of applause from the crowd.
I'll admit that response would not be easy to beat.
"Mrs. Strife?" Dirk began. "Your response?"
"If you entrust me with the presidency," Tifa began, "all citizens of North Corel will be hired for construction projects all over the Western Continent, including, but not limited to, solar and wind plants in every town, new highways, new dams, and a spaceport right here in Rocket Town. How can we call it Rocket Town if there's no rocket?!"
The majority of the crowd began to applaud. Considering that Rocket Town mainly supported Jack Balen, that would mean a lot.
She did that well.
Tifa then took a sip of her drinking water.
"On to the next question," Dirk announced. "This one is for Mrs. Strife."
"Ms. Strife," she corrected.
"How do you plan on handling foreign relations?" Dirk asked, without apologizing. "Particularly with President X."
Suddenly, Tifa began to tremble.
I knew something was wrong right away.
"President X….," she began, but stopped there.
"Yeah," Dirk pressed. "The new president of the Eastern Continent."
While all of this political drama was brewing on the Western Continent, President X came into power on the other side of the ocean. Of course, we all know who that turned out to be.
"I know who he is, but…." Tifa began before trailing off.
She was beginning to sweat.
She began to breathe faster.
"What's the matter?" Sumner taunted. "Cat got your tongue?"
It wasn't the question that stumped her.
It wasn't that she was stumped by the question.
No, if only that had been the case.
Soon, she became lightheaded, then nauseous. Then, she felt a burning sensation in her esophagus.
And, to her horror, she realized that her drinking water had been poisoned.