School of Seduction

Emma and Kathryn were at the breakfast table together. The younger Swan was digging into some cereal when Fred came into the room. "Morning, sunshine," he said, kissing his fiancée on the cheek and trailing kisses down her neck. He whispered, "What do you say we hit the shower for a quickie?"

Emma dropped her spoon in disgust.

"Sorry, Emma," Kathryn said. "And you know what? It would be nice if we had some romance on occasion."

"I got a good 42 minutes before I have to perform an emergency endotracheal intubation," Fred said with a smirk.

"That's very funny," Kathryn said as Emma continued eating her food. "Do you realize that you have not taken me on one single romantic date since we've been engaged?"

"Took you out last week," Fred said indignantly.

"To Subway... with Emma and her little friend," Kathryn rebutted. "It's not exactly every girl's dream." She looked at her sister. "No offense, Emma."

Emma shrugged. "None taken."

The shirtless Captain Awesome sank into a kitchen chair. "I guess I have been remiss in the romance department."

"What we need to be is more like Emma and Regina," Kathryn said as she was scooping some cereal.

"Excuse me," Emma asked, letting the cereal fall out of her mouth.

"Every time you see her, your eyes light up," Kathryn observed. "I mean, how do you keep that spark alive?"

Emma blinked several times, trying to think of what to say. "I-I... You know, I don't think I should be getting involved in…"

"Come on. What's the secret, bro?" Fred stated.

Emma glared at the "bro" comment. "You know what? We-We kind of just… You know, we pretend like we're not really dating, which is weird, I know, but it-it forces me to have to win her over again and again," then she gritted her teeth and stated one more thing under her breath. "And again."

"That is so sweet," Kathryn stated, patting her little sister's shoulder. "Honey, see, all I'm talking about is simply an evening of wining and dining."

"I hear you, babe," Fred said with a smile. "Mission accepted." Then he leaned forward and kissed his bride-to-be.

Emma had been put on the spot and set up as an example of true romance from a fake relationship. She looked at these two and wished she could just have that. A boring never-go-out kind of life with Regina.

Meanwhile, in Mal's apartment, Blaise and Mills have a debriefing. They have been babysitting Roan, and the man has yet to awaken.

Gen. Mills looks out from the monitor and explains. "The mission is the Cipher. The brains of the Intersect, the most important piece."

Mal furrowed her brows. "If Sasha Banacheck has the Cipher, we've got 24 hours max before she unloads it."

Gen. Mills leaned forward, finding Agent Blaize's demeanor unusual. "What's wrong? Did you find Agent Montgomery?"

"We did. It's just... he's having a bit of trouble remaining... upright," Regina answered.

"We tried everything, water, aspirin," Mal stated. "The guy's out. Bottom line, if we want Sasha Banacheck, it's up to us." Maleficent shook her head. "I suggest going old-school, torture it out of her."

"Torture will never work," Roan said, walking suavely down the stairs. "Hello, Cora."

Gen. Mills turned on a flirtatious smile and fixed her hair as he came on the screen. "Hello, Roan."

Regina cringed and nearly gagged at the spectacle her mother was making of herself. She looked at Roan and saw he was freshly showered and dressed in a fine Armani suit. She supposed he did clean up well, but that was her mom…

"The only way to get Sasha Banacheck is to seduce her," Roan stated, coming closer. "Sasha is well versed in seduction. She has wide preferences."

"Well, duty calls," Mal stated.

"Not you, Agent Frankenstein," Roan stated with a roll of his eyes. "She'll peg you as CIA in an instant. Same goes for you, Mini Mills," he said, looking at Regina's polished composure. "We need somebody innocuous. Someone with whom she can let her guard down. Essentially, the last person in the world she'd ever suspect of being an agent."

Mal made her way to work. Of course, her shift at the Apple Store had long started, but she was there to get Emma out of work yet again.

She walked up to the younger blonde and tapped her on the shoulder. "Let's go, Lover girl. I need your services in a romantic capacity."

Emma looked at the older woman in concern. "Oh, I'm flattered. I just hope Regina's involved." Then she followed her out of the Apple Store and back to their Echo Park apartment complex.

Emma walked into Mal's apartment and was surprised to see Roan on his feet. Regina walked up to her with a smile and asked if she was ready for her mission. "Bring it on," she said.

"So, your date tonight will be with Sasha Banacheck."

Emma panicked; she knew that name; it was the bad guy's name. "Um, I'm sorry. What?" She paused, looking at the faces in the room. "You mean the previously tortured in a Bulgarian prison Sasha Banacheck?"

"Don't worry. Mal and I will be there for cover," Regina stated, placing a hand on her forearm. "Just approach her at the bar and get her to invite you up, and see if you flash on anything in her room."

Emma looked down at herself, then looked at Roan, the one person who knew her the best in the room and noticed one stark difference. "One small problem," Emma said, signaling her body. "Why is she gonna choose me?"

"Because you're not going to be you," Roan said. "You're going to be me."

"I'm dressing up as a dude?" Emma asked.

"I'll teach you everything you need to know," Roan stated. "First, the proper way to drink a martini. Hold it by the stem, and nod to mark. Slowly tilt back." Emma emulated the action. "A moment to learn, a lifetime to perfect. Let's get to work."

Roan turned and headed to get her ready. Emma watched him drink the martini in his hand, how he just drank it like it was water. "His liver must look like camouflage," Emma whispered to Regina.

"I need to see what I'm dealing with," Roan said, pouring another martini. "Assume your partner is the mark. How would you seduce her?"

Emma looked Regina over and then back to Roan. "That's an excellent question," Emma stated, sitting at the kitchen island. "I-I would probably start with the, uh, bedroom eyes maybe. You know, the old, uh, Swan eyebrow dance." Regina chuckled slightly. "Then come in at you like this. You know? And then I'd start firing the gun at you, you know." She pointed both index fingers at Regina, "Hey, baby…"

Regina laughed more heartily. "Hey, don't encourage him!" Roan stated. "This isn't happy hour at Chili's. This is Sasha Banacheck."

Emma, getting nervous now, stated, "I don't know, I-I would probably, you know, I'd-I'd-I'd be myself, and I'd try and make her laugh a little bit, find a common cultural interest- music."

"Be yourself?" Roan asked incredulously. "You think a woman like this could ever fall for someone like you?"

Emma shrugged. "I don't know," she swallowed and looked at Regina then back at Roan. "Barring any national security emergency, I think I might have a shot."

Roan rolled his eyes. "Be reasonable. This is a gorgeous, sophisticated woman, and you're…"

"Passionate and-and sweet and caring," Regina added.

"Really?" Roan asked. "Tall, dark, and caring. What a combo!"

"I didn't mean it like that. She-she has a lot to offer," Regina stated.

"Fine. Let me see this caged passion," Roan stated. "Kiss her."

"Excuse me?" Emma asked with this act so casually mentioned. "I don't think that's necessary at this particular juncture right now, Roan. I'm-I'm solid as a rock in that department."

"What's wrong?" Roan goaded Emma. "Don't you find Agent Mills attractive?"

Emma paused and looked between the two agents. "Of course, I find her attractive." Regina looked away trying not to give a reaction. "It's just that I had a burrito earlier, and I'm trying to be respectful."

"While I admire your chivalry," Roan stated, "if you can't kiss her now, what makes you think you're gonna be able to kiss Sasha Banacheck when the entire mission is on the line?"

Regina held out her hand and placed it on Emma's hands. They were starting to do those nervous tics. "It's okay."

"Really?" Emma asked, looking at her.

"Yes," she stated and took her hand.

Emma leaned closer to Regina and gave her a small awkward sideways peck on the lips. "There." She said and turned to Roan.

"Perhaps I've moved too fast," Roan said, disgusted. "Have you had intercourse before?"

"Okay, you know what? You're crazy. This is crazy," Emma said, annoyed. She stood up from the kitchen island. "I don't have to take lessons from you."

"Really? Maybe I picked the wrong agent," Roan stated and started to move toward the living room. "Maybe I'll get Agent Blaize to kiss her."

Emma stood, not really wanting Blaize's lips near Regina as if the woman didn't have a say in the matter. "You really want me to kiss her?!"

"Desperately," Roan said, sarcasm dripping in his tone.

"Fine," Emma said, taking Regina's face between both her hands and pulling her into a searing kiss. One that Regina happily returned.

Roan quirked a brow. That was interesting. He had never seen such a bad cover in all his life. These two had clearly been doing more than this, surely. "Bravo."

"I better fix my lipstick," Regina stammered, "Excuse me." She walked around Emma and headed for the bathroom.

"Sure," Emma said, clearing her throat.

"Something tells me that wasn't the first time that's happened," Roan muttered to the youngest agent.

"What? No. No. We're totally professional," Emma said quickly. "That's... we work together."

"Don't worry, Emmerson," Roan said. Emma blinked at the new nickname. She kinda liked it. "I'll teach you how to get her, too. But first, we're gonna need more gin."

That evening, the agents and their asset got ready for the mission. Emma was being equipped with a mic so that she could get instructions from Roan, their "secret weapon." The moment Emma and Regina were left alone, Regina took this moment to get Emma in the right headspace.

"Well, it may not be the steamiest," Emma said, "but we probably have the strangest relationship in Los Angeles."

Regina smirked. "I doubt that. Ruby is still dating, right?"

Emma chuckled. "Good point."

Regina looked into Emma's eyes. "Tonight will be fine. I wouldn't take Roan's advice too seriously." She shrugged. "Just be yourself."

"I doubt Emma Swan's gonna be charming anyone," the blonde expressed in a self-deprecating tone.

"Why not?" Regina asked. "Worked on me."

Suddenly, Roan was in the room, interrupting this heartfelt moment. "We need to talk about protection."

Emma cringed, "I don't think it's gonna get that far, Roan."

"I mean a gun," he said, interrupting. "Why do you think she's known as the Black Widow? Also, what kind of protection do you ladies use?"

Emma blushed at the question and opted to concentrate on the mission instead. "Maybe, because she's African-American, and her husband died?"

Roan shook his head. "Because she kills all her mates." The trio looked at each other, Emma's eyes widening in fear, not sure she could go through with this. The look on Regina's face not helping at all.

At the venue, Emma examined herself in the mirror. She wore a nice linen suit, her blazer over a bare chest, allowing some cleavage to show. She wore white slacks underneath, and her red-bottomed shoes made her almost six feet tall. Her makeup was perfect, better than what she usually did, and her hair was curled to perfection. In her ear, a hidden mic was concealed within the curls. She heard the crackle of it activating, and then Roan's voice came through, stating, "If she survives the night, it'll be a miracle."

"Shh! She can hear you," Regina hushed Roan.

Emma, now practiced with this equipment, didn't give a facial reaction. She simply vocalized, "Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Don't be nervous, Emma," Regina reassured her. "We'll be watching your every move."

"Now, Emmerson, I'm gonna walk you through the world-famous four-pronged Montgomery attack," Roan said as Emma moved into the dining room. "First, work the room."

Emma looked around and spotted Mal tending the bar. Then she noticed the person she wanted to talk to and began walking towards her. "When you enter a room, every eye should be upon you. You could leave the bar with anybody you desire, but you have chosen her," Roan said in her ear.

Emma, in her concentration, managed to bump into a waiter, nearly spilling the contents of his tray.

"Easy, Emma. You're doing great," Regina assured her.

"Next, she'll need to be well lubricated," Roan said, just as the woman in question noticed her. "Ice-cold dirty martini, three olives."

Emma smiled and moved toward Sasha. She put on what she felt was a sexy smile and sauntered into her line of vision. "Excuse me," she said, "is this seat taken?" Sasha looked at her, somewhat surprised because women were not usually this forward in mixed company. "I'll take that as a no. Emmerson Carmichael. And you are?"

"Bored," the brunette arms dealer deadpanned.

"Well, maybe I can change that. 'Garçon!'" Emma beckoned to Mal. "Please, uh, two ice-cold dirty martinis, three olives. Thank you."

Sasha was unimpressed. "That's very nice, but I no longer drink," she stated.

Roan gasped in her ear. "Doesn't drink? That's absurd." The older agent muttered, "How is this waif supposed to seduce her without alcohol?"

"Don't worry, Emma. Don't get discouraged," Regina chimed in. "It'll be fine."

Emma kept up her smile and said, "I should probably cut back, too. A lot of calories in those martinis."

Sasha rolled her eyes and shifted in her seat. "Enjoy your martinis, Ms. Carmichael." Then she stood and walked over to the bar.

"It's okay, Emma. Don't get discouraged," Regina reassured her.

"That was just round one," Roan agreed. "Remember, you're calm, confident, charming."

"Yeah, apparently not. She left after 12 seconds," Emma grumbled.

"You're still alive, aren't you?" Roan stated. "That's a victory."

"Okay, Emma, here we go," Regina said.

"How about you take control," Roan suggested. "Even though she won't say it, she wants to be rescued."

"Actually, that's not true, Emma," Regina stated. "It's a balance."

"I'm not talking about you, darling. I'm talking about the Black Widow," Roan argued.

"So am I," Regina replied. "Maybe she doesn't need to pretend to be someone else. I promise you, Emma Swan, on her own, can seduce this woman."

Emma watched her surroundings as the two argued. "I appreciate all of that, but can we focus on the mission for a second, please?"

Emma stood and went in pursuit of Sasha. "Yes, Emmerson," Roan agreed. "All right, the third prong. The woman is an absolute Francophile. Just the mention of St. Tropez makes her woozy."

Emma sighed when she reached the bar and contritely said, "I hate to keep bothering you, but you look so familiar." She pretended to be racking her brain, and Sasha looked at her bodyguards. "Perhaps we met in St. Tropez? At the Intercontinental."

Sasha's hand went up, and they stopped coming. She nodded, and Emma could see the flicker of recognition in her eyes. "Antoine, the piano player, is the best in Europe, don't you agree?"

Emma smiled slightly and nodded, "Oh, I'm a big fan of Antoine's. I wouldn't miss him for the world."

Sasha's face turned to stone as she retorted, "Antoine has been dead for six years."

"Ah, poor Antoine," Roan expressed. Emma could hear keystrokes being hit in the background. "That's tragic."

"That is a shame," Emma said with a furrowed brow. "No one ever called."

Regina finally spoke up. "Tell her that you prefer the new piano player, Marcel."

Emma, still in character, said, "For my money, though, I prefer Marcel. Better solos, longer jams, just more of an accomplished pianist, but maybe that's just me."

Sasha nodded. "I have to agree."

Emma smiled and turned to Mal. "Barkeep, a refill for the lady, please." Mal refilled her Club Soda, and Emma proposed a toast. "To Antoine. May he rest in peace."

While she entertained Sasha, Emma could hear the argument in the van between ROan and Regina. And Emma couldn't help but focus her attention on it. As she tried not to ignore Sasha.

Roan: So how long have you and Emmerson been cavorting?

Regina: You mean, how long have we been working together?

Roan: Don't play coy. You have feelings for her. I mean, real, non-spy emotions.

Regina: Don't be ridiculous. What, because I'm protective of him as an asset?

Roan: No. The way you kissed her.

Regina: I think you've had too much to drink.

Roan: No such thing.

Then there was a loud screech at the other end. Sasha's arm was around her and Emma discreetly tugged at her ear "Itchy ear there." She said and turned to the beautiful woman who was paying attention to her. She had to admit that was nice. "So actually, it was invented by a Hungarian baker to commemorate the defeat of the Turks. And that is the true history behind the croissant. That's just a little pastry trivia for you."

"You are a fountain of information, Ms. Carmichael." Sasha said

"Well…" Emma said blushing.

Then Sasha leaned forward sensually and whispered in Emma's ear. "Quand etiez vous a Paris pour la derniere fois?"

Emma shuddered. She had to admit that was sexy as hell, but she had no idea what Sasha had said. "Enchante." She said and changed the subject. "And what bands are you into?"

Then the sound picked up again and she could still hear the argument. Roan: If you'd just admit I'm right, we could move on.

Regina: Anything you perceived is me wanting her to think I like her. I assure you, I have no feelings for Emma. She is just an asset.

Emma's heart sank. But at least now she knew she had no chance with Regina. Clean break and all. She no longer had to consider Regina's feelings about anything she did.

"Okay, we're back up. Can you hear us?" Regina said.

"Good night, Ms. Carmichael." Sasha said, since Emma called her French test with her. She slid out of the booth and left her behind..

"Mission failed. Black widow's on the move." Mal said to the team.

"Great. You know, I hope you're happy." Regina stated to Roan. "I told you, he's an analyst, not a spy!"

Mal turned to Emma with a frown, and for once not blaming the younger woman for all of this… not really. "Way to go, Casanova. You're going to have the Intersect in your head forever."

"Okay, everybody, let's pack it up." Roan said in the van.

Emma was out to prove that she was more than just an asset. She could be a good spy. So she interrupted the disengagement. "Roan, what is the fourth prong of the famous assault?"

"The mission is over, Emmerson. It's too dangerous." Roan said. "You're not ready for this."

"I'm ready. What is it?" Emma insisted getting up and heading out behind her.

"Be a bastard." Roan stated. And Regina frowned at the man.

The blonde's eyebrow quirked, "When you say bastard, you mean... ?"

"I mean not you, Emma." Roan stated, and Emma put on Roan's persona. " Don't be sensitive or caring or sweet. Be everything you're not. Be Carmichael."

Emma walked behind her and called out, "Hey, Bitch?"

"Don't call her bitch." Roan said cringing.

Sasha stopped and turned to face him. "Yes, Ms. Carmichael?"

"I just want to tell you, you're a fool." Emma said and kind of struck a pose where she stood.

"Excuse me?" Sasha asked.

Emma shook her head. "No, I don't think I will." Emma shrugged. "See, you're heading up to your room right now to get ready for bed. Floss, creams, maybe watch a little TV. And then just before you drift off to sleep, you're going to have one final, terrifying thought"

"Really? What's that?" asked curiously now.

"That you passed up an evening with the greatest lover you'll ever know." Emma answered.

" And who might that be?

"Oh, you're looking at her, sister. A woman trained in the art of seduction." Emma laid it on thick. "A woman who has traveled the world, sampling women of every different culture and creed." she said stopping in front of the woman. "So I will offer one final time before boarding my jet and heading off to an undisclosed rendezvous, for which I am already late. Can I buy you a club soda?"

" No, thank you."

Emma nodded. "Okay, I just thought I'd ask. Have a good night." She turned on her heel and began to walk her away.

"But you can take me up to my room and make mad, passionate sex to me." Sasha finished, and Emma smiled turning to face Sasha.

Emma was in, Roan Smirked "I've still got it."