I'm back with a long chapter today! Prepare yourselves for strong feelings...

Blossomstar sighed. It was the beginning of leaf-bare, the most difficult season for the Clan. Webholloow still wasn't back from that wild goose chase the she had let her go on, and she worried that something terrible had happened. Because of that, she had an apprentice who refused to receive his new name until the young warrior was back, and she already knew that no words would convince her nephew to change his mind – of all the things he could have inherited from their side of the family, of course it had ended up being their stubbornness. At least he took on more duties than the average apprentice, but she feared that they would struggle to feed everyone.

And yet, here was her deputy, with an unknown cat. Again. Nothing could express her bewilderment properly, so she only closed her eyes before turning away and motioning them towards her den with a quick movement of the tail.

She would deserve a nap after this conversation, she decided. A long nap, curled up with a friend. Usually, Snaildapple was high on the list of those she would ask, but depending on how things went, she might end up wanting to swat him on the flanks like an unruly kit. Maybe Pricklesong would be free…

Sitting up straight in the middle of her den, she watched the two toms shuffle uncomfortably for a moment and decided to ease their suffering.

"Again, Snaildapple? Really?"

"I'm not doing it on purpose," he grumbled. "He was just there and well. Look at him, he isn't completely grown up! It's leaf-bare now, and with the foxes…"

That was another problem Blossomstar desperately tried to solve. Fox sightings were more and more frequent and now, the patrols avoided two spots altogether. The Clan couldn't keep on going like this, but what could she do? With the cold coming, food was a more pressing concern, and she wasn't going to send her warriors to their death. She could understand her deputy's choice to not leave the young cat to fend for himself. Resigned, she turned to him.

"Hello, little one… What's your name?"

"Buzzard…"

"How old are you, Buzzard?"

"Ni-nine moons…"

"Right. My name is Blossomstar, I'm the leader of MistClan. Would you mind answering some more questions for me?"

He nodded shyly and she tried to make her voice softer. It wouldn't do to scare a future Clanmate after all.

"Have you ever lived in a Clan?" she asked and he immediately shook his head. "We have rules, but we try to be reasonable about them. To make it short, at six moons old, kits are apprenticed to an older cat, to learn as much as possible about being a warrior or a medicine cat. If you want to stay with us, I'll make you an apprentice and change your name to Buzzardpaw – it's a temporary change. You'll have to follow our code, but in turn, you'll never be alone again because we'll be your friends and your family: your joy will be our joy and your pain will be our pain."

The kit looked up at her, his amber eyes bright and sparkling, and Blossomstar worried that her speech might have been too convincing for a young and impressionable cat – she had used the same on Crookedflight and Tornacorn after all. But the paleginger tom now seemed ready to jump around in excitement and well, she did really try to make her Clan the idyllic place she had described.

"Well, if you want to join us, you came at the right time. I was planning to hold an apprentice ceremony for our deputy's kits very soon," she added with a quick look to Snaildapple. "It'll give you a bit of time to get acquainted with everything and everyone and decide if you want to stay."

Buzzard nodded so eagerly that she couldn't help the snort that escaped her.

It wasn't really a surprise that their new addition decided to stay permanently. Minor adjustments had to be made to her plans – mainly choosing another mentor – but otherwise, it barely changed anything. Everything was ready to go without a hitch and, as she called for a Clan meeting, she thought that amidst everything else that was going sideways, at least she was getting the hang of this whole ceremony thing.

"Mousekit, Olivekit and Silverkit, you have reached the age of six moons, and Buzzard, you have just joined us, so it is time for all of you to be apprenticed." From her vantage point on the Flatrock, Blossomstar turned towards the oldest of the future apprentices. "From this day on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Buzzardpaw. Your mentor will be Snaildapple. I hope he will pass down all he knows to you."

She watched her deputy approach before continuing.

"Snaildapple, you are ready to take on an apprentice. You have received excellent training from Fawnheart, and you have shown yourself to be considerate and thoughtful. You will be the mentor of Buzzardpaw and I expect you to pass on all you know to him."

Snaildapple's dark nose touched briefly Buzzardpaw's very pink one, and the Clan cheered as the new apprentice went back to sit awkwardly next to Hootpaw who gave him a shoulder bump.

Then, she called Olivekit and paired him with Grasslilac. Olivepaw would undoubtedly be the older warrior's last apprentice. Flipspot and him were not getting any younger, and she felt bad to saddle them with such responsibilities so far into their lives.

After that, she appointed the newly named Mousepaw to Mumblepond. He had been hesitant when she had asked him if he felt ready for his first apprentice, but he was a good warrior and she trusted him. If Alderwhisper had been out of the nursery, she might have given the her the grey-speckled kit instead, to let the long-furred tom prepare for a while longer, but she wasn't and the next kits to be apprenticed would be theirs… Before becoming leader, she would have never guessed that such a common situation required this amount of planning beforehand.

There was only one kit left. After the first part of the ritual speech, Silverpaw stayed very seriously in front of everyone and, as there were no good reasons to keep him waiting, she jumped down from the Flatrock and mewed loudly.

"I, Blossomstar, will be the mentor of Silverpaw. I vow in front of my Clan and my ancestors to pass on all I know to him."

His muzzle was cold and a bit wet when they brushed against each other and Blossomstar resisted the urge to groom him right there. She was very happy to watch the new apprentices leave to explore their new den after the Clan chanted their names one last time.

The deputy sat next to her after congratulating his children and his new apprentice.

"You didn't tell me that you were thinking about taking an apprentice."

"I knew you would have tried to make me change my mind, but understand that it was Crookedflight or me," she quietly answered, and Snaildapple winced. "Time will tell us if it was the right choice."

Blossomstar already had successfully trained two apprentices before, but she studiously avoided thinking about Lakestreak - killed by a dog only a few moons after earning his warrior name – and Iceclaw – forced to take part in the patrol who had chased them out to prove her loyalty. Anyway, she knew what kind of challenges could arise, even if all cats were different, and she thought that Silverpaw would be a good addition to her routine. If anything, training him would distract her from this growing sense of self-doubt that was eating away at her more and more as time passed.

And from the worried looks she exchanged with Pricklesong.

They didn't dream of StarClan anymore. Neither did Heatherrump apparently. Their desperation had allowed them to send Webhollow on a mission with no real goal, hoping she would come back with a sign or anything. Each time the moon rose and there had been no news of her, Blossomstar was invaded by guilt. They had done that. She had done that.

The habit to hold on to StarClan for everything had made her weak, and at the first issue, she had made a stupid choice. And whatever the outcome, she would have to live with it. If the young warrior never came back, she would never be able to look Hootpaw in the eyes.

This first leaf-bare was off to a very bad start indeed. And a stirring in her gut told her that it was about to get even worse.

As the leader, she took it upon herself to take part in as many patrols as she could when she wasn't busy training Silverpaw. He was a good student and took her advice seriously. Being her apprentice might have made him a bit haughty, but time would tell if he would have to get knocked down by others a little – his sister, Mousepaw, in particular wasn't the type to let herself be looked down upon – to realise that everyone had their strengths and weaknesses; that in the end, Blossomstar was merely another cat.

After a morning spent teaching Silverpaw how to slide under a taller opponent, she had scheduled a patrol with Bluestripe and Hootpaw. She wanted the eldest apprentice to get used to shouldering more responsibilities and planned on letting him lead. For anyone else, leading a patrol with her present might have been too much, but he was her nephew, and even if he was able to respect her as a leader, they were close enough for him to feel comfortable. Hopefully, the ordeal would give him the push he needed to allow Blossomstar to perform the naming ceremony, instead of staying as he was, a warrior in all but name – she didn't think it would actually work, but it would prove his worth at least.

She was waiting near the camp's entrance when the silver tabby warrior joined, sitting primly with her head cocked on the side.

"How is my son doing?"

"He's good, he's doing fine. If he keeps on like that, he'll be a good warrior in no time. Have you seen him after our morning session?"

"I did! Actually, all of my kits were there, and they took turns telling me everything they had learned. Is it normal for me to be proud that they can catch leaves properly now?"

"Stars, what will it be when they will bring you mice!" Blossomstar laughed, tail flicking playfully.

"You will hear me brag for entire moons, no less!"

Hootpaw emerged from the medicine cats's den and joined them quietly. He was getting used to doing things without Flipspot, but there was still an obvious shyness to his behaviour around most warriors. It was normal, she thought, only growing up could show him that they were really all the same.

"Ready to lead you first patrol?" Bluestripe asked happily. "Don't be nervous, you're going to do just fine. And even if you mess up, you'll get to try again. For my first patrol…"

They left, the other she-cat still sharing stories from her apprentice days. The young tom knew the way and, step after step, the tension stiffening his stance seemed to uncoil. Trailing behind, she began taking note of his performance.

"… Then I slipped and fell into the river! My mentor had to fish me out, it was so embarrassing."

Suddenly, Hootpaw stopped, ears flattening on his skull as he took a deep breath. Worried, Blossomstar imitated him, catching the scent just before he hissed.

"Foxes!"

As if on cue, two orange heads appeared out of the bushes and there was no time to think, barely enough to react. Avoiding the creatures clacking jaws and sharp claws was a challenge on its own; doing it while constantly checking on the other cats she had to protect was a downright nightmare. Blossomstar knew that she had to find an opening soon, or it would end in disaster.

When the smallest fox lunged for Hootpaw, she jumped towards it. The speed knocked them both down and she didn't bother with getting back up: sprawled on her enemy, she aimed for the throat, biting and scratching as hard as she could. A frenzied sort of glee ran through her veins when she felt the skin break under her claws and the taste of blood filled her mouth. If anything, she went at it harder, ignoring the fox's squeals and gurgles.

Then something hit her from behind and there was only darkness.

At first, she thought that she could see a small light in the distance, but it quickly disappeared, and Blossomstar was left floating alone in a vast nothingness. She remembered the stories: when a leader lost a life, a spirit of StarClan would greet them before sending them back. But there was no one, and so she wondered. Were her nine live, granted begrudgingly, a fluke? Was she going to die here, not having managed to protect her Clan for a single cycle of seasons?

A tug in her chest pushed her to open her eyes – that she didn't remember closing – and she looked at the forest. Through the fogginess of her mind, one thought remained: had StarClan really given up on her?

She got up, ready to reassemble her patrol and go back, but the sight that awaited her cut short any remark that she had been about to make. The second fox laid on the ground, dead. Next to it, Hootpaw talked to Bluestripe in urged whispers, but even from were she was, Blossomstar could see the blood soaking the warrior's silver fur. She rushed towards them despite her body's stiffness, barely noticing her own injuries, desperate to quell the bad feeling arising in her.

Seeing the she-cat up close only made her assumptions worsen.

"… and believe me: you'll do great and Webhollow will come back." The two other cats finally noticed her. "B-Blossomstar, you're back… Listen, you have to swear," Bluestripe coughed, her breathing obviously shallow and pained. "You and Snaildapple, you have to take care of my kits."

"Of course we will, but you will to, if we just…"

"Don't. I know. I can feel it already. Promise me Blossomstar."

"We will take care of them, Bluestripe. The whole Clan will. And MistClan will honour your name and memory for seasons to come."

"Thank you… For what it's worth, I always thought that you were the best leader we could have asked for…"

Bluestripe's eyes slid closed, and for a short moment, it looked like she was just sleeping, like every other night. But the smell of blood and the dead foxes shattered this peaceful illusion.

"Go back to the camp."

"But…"

"Go back!" she roared before getting a grip on herself. "Sorry Hootpaw… Please. Go back, and fetch Snaildapple. Stay in the camp and get your wounds looked at. Don't tell Mousepaw, Olivepaw and Silverpaw anything yet."

If Hootpaw heard her scream in rage after his departure, he had the foresight to not come back.

While she was waiting for her deputy, who would soon be a friend in need of support through the grief, a terrifying thought imposed itself to her. What if Bluestripe and Lichenkit were doomed to spend all eternity struggling in that expanse of darkness that she had had a glimpse of, all because she made the wrong choices?

Snaildapple had a very silent way of mourning, but a look was enough to read the slump of his shoulders and the dullness of his eyes. In the middle of the clearing, with his three kits huddled against him, he looked even smaller than when they had lost Lichenkit. There were nothing words could do, and yet, here she was, trying to piece something together for a speech on the Flatrock once Heatherrump would be done fussing over her.

"Webhollow?"

Mumblepond's cry echoed in the silent camp, snapping her out of her dark mood. The long-furred warrior was right: standing in the entrance, looking dishevelled and an ear haphazardly bandaged in cobwebs, was the golden tabby.

She stumbled inside, ignoring everything and everyone else except for Bluestripe's body and, once she was pressed against it, she looked up at Snaildapple with wet eyes.

"I'm sorry… I didn't come back fast enough… Stars, I'm so sorry! If only I had been faster…"

Pricklesong, probably worried by the strange behaviour, dragged the young warrior away to check up on her, and Blossomstar took it as her cue to take over. Jumping on the Flatrock, she steeled herself.

"Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather here beneath the Flatrock for a Clan meeting." Everyone was already there, but the familiarity of the ritual call gave her a bit of strength. "Today, we have lost an important member of MistClan. Bluestripe and Hootpaw protected my body as I was losing a life after killing a fox. They proved their bravery, but sadly, Bluestripe paid the price of her courage and loyalty with her life. Were it possible, I would have gladly given her one of mine… Her last words were for her family, and I have sworn that the Clan would take care of all of them, as is the way of our ancestors. The vigil will be held tonight, so that her spirit may be able to travel safely to StarClan, and we will honour her memory through the generations."

It was one of the most impersonal speeches she had ever done, and she wasn't proud of it. But Blossomstar knew herself; sadness turned to guilt which turned to anger. And it was better to look cold rather than enraged when losing someone.

She waited a few sunrises for Webhollow's recovery before calling a Clan meeting for Hootpaw's warrior ceremony. Everyone deserved the reprieve after all.

"I, Blossomstar, leader of MistClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice. He has trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend him to you as a warrior in his turn. Hootpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your life?"

"I do."

"Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Hootpaw, from this moment on you will be known as Hootpuddle. StarClan honours your fighting skill and your determination, and we welcome you as a full warrior of MistClan."

She delicately touched her muzzle to his head, careful not to strain the still bruised muscles of her neck too much. A lick of her nephew's rough tongue on her shoulder, and it was done, the Clan chanting his name. She would have wanted her sister to see it.

Even if the event was tainted by grief, the whole Clan still seemed proud of Hootpuddle. Blossomstar watched quietly as Webhollow clumsily rubbed her cheek to the newly appointed warrior's before leaving him to his silent vigil. She made a sign to the other she-cat and led her to her den; she wanted to learn everything in relative privacy.

"What happened when you were gone?"

"I saw you lose a life. I saw… I saw Bluestripe die."

"What do you mean?"

"StarClan… sent me a vision," Webhollow answered cautiously. "It's possible that the other dreams were visions too."

"The nightmares you told Pricklesong about?"

"Yes."

"How can you be so sure?"

Webhollow's pink tongue came out briefly to wet her nose.

"It might be best to discuss this with Snaildapple, Pricklesong and Heatherrump."

The younger she-cat had always been respectful to the point that Blossomstar wondered if her courtesy wasn't fueled by fear. For her to ask such a thing so brazenly…

"Alright."

A lot of things happened in this chapter... It was very sad to write too...

As always, thanks for reading!