Chapter 17: In Miseriam

It is quite an easy task to describe the essence of Rockman, or Saito Hikari. We only have to look at the priorities in his life, of which the list I have here:

1. Netto kun

2. Netto kun

3. Netto kun

4. Netto kun

. . .

Wait, I am sorry readers, this is not what I meant to pull out. No, wait, this is what I meant to pull out...then where could it be-Aha! Here, at the bottom of the page. Come closer, you will not see it from that afar...closer...here. No, you are not looking at the right place. Stop staring at '?. [Redacted] with Netto kun' trying to peek under the redaction...it's probably not what you think...here:

27. Recalling memories of Netto kun

This one is so far down in the list as it was only worth his while when Netto was unavailable to him, and they were virtually inseparable...

So, when Rockman found himself sitting on the swing of ACDC Park in the setting of a sunset, he instantly knew that he was back in his dream which repeated every day and brought him a morsel of comfort to his mind laden with countless anxieties. The only reason it brought him comfort was that it was a recollection of what he did with Netto while he was still Saito Hikari, and it was one of those rare moments of peace and quiet he enjoyed. It was an unspoken rule that Netto took the place to his right; there was no practical reason for it. The habit solidified because there was no reason against it. In truth, who sat on the left or the right was a trivial matter; should someone have pointed it out, the Hikari twins would not have found it unsettling to swap their positions.

By the reason of his priorities #27, in honesty, whether the place of the dream was ACDC Park or a junkyard, if he was watching the most splendid of sunsets that could put an atheist into a religious mood or a featureless and moldering prison, or if he was in peace or pain were not important. Remembering this dream after waking up only gave him pleasure insofar as he believed that the shadowy figure to his right, of which form he never succeeded to capture in his sight as the dream predictably ended just as he attempted to do so, was Netto of his memories. Therefore, in each dream, he also predictably repeated his effort to lay his eyes on the boy whom he desired so much, while being fully aware that his method was nothing but his questionable tenacity. Who knew, after all, if in one of many tries he would finally succeed and get to touch Netto kun again, even if it was an illusion generated from his Netto-deprivation?

After playing with the swing several times before turning his head to the right as was inevitable, Rockman noticed a difference: his body was that of a netnavi, not Saito Hikari. The helmet that shaded his eyes from the blinding glory of the sun, the perfectly fitting gloves and boots, and the blue navi suit with side stripes were all there. This was a new pattern. When Rockman understood the possible implication of this change in his heart, he became uncontrollably intoxicated in hope. If he was different, then there was a possibility that the dream would be different. In that difference, there was a possibility that his Netto, who should be on his right, was to be attainable. Perhaps his loneliness had crossed the threshold and his mind fulfilled its own wish. Rockman brought his swing to a full stop and slowly turned his head to the right. In optimism, he wanted to find and hug his Netto in speed; in pessimism, he wanted to delay his disappointment. The previous failures discouraged him, and pessimism prevailed.

When he turned his head to the right, he saw-

The most hideous form.

It was Netto and Mayl locked in an embrace, naked.

Behind them was a black halo that radiated inexplicable darkness. It was darker than anything he could imagine; no metaphor was capable of describing the blackness it displayed. Yet, in it, everything was made visible, possibly clearer than when those objects were under the sun. The radiation disseminated in curved and twisted beams. When that unnatural radiation reached Rockman, he found it painful. Like hooked tentacles of mucid cephalopod it surrounded him, leaving an uneasy impression of suppressed predatory intentions. Rockman shuddered at the nauseating displeasure.

The Mayl form spoke, in the amorphous voice which he heard from the mouth of Iceman in that abyssal mirage:

.

Saito Hikari, Rockman

A man turned shadow

Here I tirelessly pulled you into the dream of your navi

Who dreamed unwillingly through your soul.

A pity!

.

Rockman, whose mind was overburdened by the revelations, failed to respond in any way. His eyes were glued to the hideous sight of Mayl and Netto, which he could not endure seeing any longer, but equally could not bear to avert his eyes from. It is a nature of a man that in seeing a scene most repugnant, he is both repulsed and fascinated. He knew this much: the scene was not true; Netto and Mayl did not promise their futures in the real world. That future, however, always seemed probable to Rockman. Therefore, when that prospect emerged before him in the visual form, his rationality was wiped away. The scene looked too real to him; a hope—a hope for a future that Rockman did not know how to articulate—seeped away from him, rendering him powerless.

'The dream of his navi' as 'Mayl' spoke, Rockman was also made aware. The memories of the desolate and nightmarish ACDC, in which he constantly fought or fled for his survival, flooded into him. His time under the red sky and the black sun, the mere suggestion of which was able to bring him to an episode of schizophrenia in the oven server, was made fully known to him. It was a devastating hit to his mind, already weakened by the sight before him.

.

Firstborn,

First to be complete

First navi with a soul

In your perfection, you resisted my bishops

Marvelous

Desirable!

.

Another conversation reached him in a channel orthogonal to the spoken language they were currently engaged in. It was something similar to telepathy, except its mechanism was not communication over a distance. It was a form of communication that occurred through the direct contact of a soul to a soul. In this conversation, Rockman learned that those 'bishops' indicated the monkfish face he witnessed once, whose lure always assumed the form of Netto, sometimes even mimicking his voice, and the chitinous one that took his left arm. The identity of those bishops, the organization of this debauched spiritual cult, and the agenda of this hideous light did not matter much to Rockman. What mattered was that he was chased, his life was sought, he was tormented, and that he had been barely surviving every night. The reality was too charnel to accept; it was obvious that in the miracle of oblivion was he spared from madness in the waking hours.

"My...navi?" Rockman struggled in a barely audible voice, but he also knew that the being before him had no trouble understanding him. The actual communication was beyond the medium of sound; it was simply being utilized to accommodate Rockman's perception.

.

Your body

Which you possessed

And oppressed!

.

"What...what do you want from me...?" It was an extremely feeble voice wrought out of a sense of despondency.

.

In me,

What did you see?

What do you see?

What will you see?

You do not avert your gaze

For fear and desire are one

.

You sacrificed your flesh

You sacrificed your salvation

You sacrificed your freedom

For love!

Aromatic!

Yet you sacrifice in vain

Nothing remains in your hands

Your tongue is tied

Though you have sold everything

You could not purchase your treasure

You will never reach your heaven.

.

A man cannot save himself

He cannot turn one of his hairs grey or black at his will

He creates many gods for himself

Idols of silver and gold, clay and bronze,

Yet cannot create an ant

Will you save yourself?

You, with your perfection eroding?

You pretend your humanity remains within

But it belies your change

Behold

Yourself changed into a shadow of men even in your dream

.

What is your hope?

Where is your hope?

Tell me

Show me

Then I will admit that I was wrong and that you have a future!

.

A cackling laughter filled the air. Rockman could not formulate an argument against this hideous light. In everything, it was right. Despite his sacrifices, Netto was still far away, and he had no way of making any progress toward the reunion. His tongue was tied in his promise to his father, and it forbid him from revealing himself. In this prohibition, even the reunion of hearts was denied, leaving him adrift and thirsty for connection. The attempt so far in trying to establish a new relationship with Netto could not be said as satisfying; the limitation of netnavi's existence meant no true equality could be attained between them. Either he was a superior authority, chastising his operator for irresponsible or rash behaviors, or Netto was a superior authority, commanding him into the network or operating him for various routines. There was no true companionship.

"Why are you doing this to me...?"

This was most unfair. Why should he be subjected to a series of such cruelties? What was so wrong with his love and sacrifices?

.

Your soul, that was once saved

Within my reach!

I shall shackle you, but not with knowledge

I shall shame you, but not by worms

I shall split you, but not in my image

You will be lifted up

The perfect display

For the perfect soul

.

Rockman buried his face in his palms. "You are trying to have me, for...what?"

.

In your flesh and blood

The shadows of men will commune

And their sins will be forgiven.

It is the end times

The men of this time

The men of this place

Enamored in themselves

Will become no more

.

And the dream came to its sudden end.

The return from the dream that was so vivid to the real world was a strange transition. It was similar to surfacing from the deep of the oxygenless water—a very slow relief from suffocation. Someone was calling his name; not Saito Hikari, but his new name, Rockman. Just as sound is distorted in water, so did it reach him unrecognizably indistinct. The more his consciousness buoyed upward in the 'water,' the clearer the calling became.

"-R-an"

"Ro-man"

"Rockman!"

Someone was calling him. Someone he knew. Someone he cherished...Who was this?

"Rockman! Wake up!"

His Netto kun! Rockman's eyes opened briskly, only to be struck by the blinding light in the most unpleasant way. He nictated.

"Rockman...can you hear me?"

Rockman detected a tremor in Netto's voice. This was odd; what could have made him so distraught? What could have woken him up at such an early hour, the time during which his navi was in the sleep mode? Was it even reasonable to speculate that anything short of a natural disaster could wake up the boy?

"...Netto kun? Wha..what time is it?" With his left arm, Rockman made a shade over his eyes. He could not see anything in the light.

"Eleven!"

11 P.M., Rockman assumed. Ah, so his operator roused him because he could not get some sleep. A sense of relief came over him.

"Eleven...? You could not sleep, Netto kun? My, my...shall we pass some time together then? You still have school tomorrow, but I guess we can't help it...especially considering what happened tonight in the Waterworks..."

Rockman's vision was getting accustomed to the bright illumination that had been striking him on the face since the beginning. He could open his eyes inasmuch as a squint. Why was there light? Was Netto shining his flashlight on the PET screen?

"Eleven as in one hour before noon!"

Rockman fully opened his eyes in an instant. The time indicated the worsening of his symptom. In turn, this indicated either that he was still dreaming, or a disaster had reached them; by a disaster, it meant...that the dream he had, of which memory he still retained, in contrast to his past experiences, had been real. It meant that the demonic entity he conversed with was real. It even meant...that the unspeakable horrors he resisted in the 'dream of his navi' was equally real. Betraying his hopes, the source of the light was the sun, hitting the PET at an angle after coming through the window. From the internal clock, Rockman saw that what Netto said was true. The face of his operator was invisible, hidden behind the screen glare caused by the sunlight.

Well, let disaster be a disaster. There was a far more pressing issue for Rockman.

"Wait, Netto kun, what about school? You are late! Oh no, what classes have you missed? Let me check quickly..." Rockman sprung up on his feet and began accessing the academic scheduler. There was no weakness nor the debilitating terror that characterized his mornings. Well, no wonder, since that demon let him go after a conversation.

"Haha..ha...that's the first thing you say?"

"Well, it is important! Let's see, we missed English, Math, Literature..."

"Rockman..."

"Don't worry, Netto kun. I will come up with something...Say, I ask this to...hmm...Roll can help me in this, I am sure, and..."

"Rockman!"

Rockman stopped and set aside the scheduler and his notes. His PET moved, picked up maybe, and was freed from the influence of the sun. The face of his operator became visible, which was, not surprisingly, signaling a kind of frustration, but partially amused by the show of the navi's dedication to his everyday life. Rockman, of course, knew where Netto wanted to steer the discussion. He also did not want it to be steered in this way. He still needed time to contemplate on his own and come to a conclusion about all he had seen, both in the Waterworks and in the dream after, and all the terrible memories that had been excavated. The netnavi body's inhumane ability to delay the processing of that information was the only barrier between his current functionality and a complete breakdown. What little of that nightmares he glimpsed...it was full of gore and despair, and he was the sufferer. He hoped to acquire some solitude, while Netto was occupied by the lectures, or perhaps he could use other navis as shields to delay his eventual interaction with the boy further.

"Yes?"

"You would not wake up. Do you have...any idea how long I've been trying?"

"I..."

What was he supposed to say? That he was sorry? He could say it ten thousand times had it been what Netto wanted, but it was not so.

"It's worsening, isn't it?"

"...Maybe." Rockman's voice was apologetic. He had to be; he saw that if Netto found anything to be worse than what he saw right now, tears would flow out of his eyes.

"And this happening the day after you interacted with Iceman. You were not very well after coming out of the network..."

In Rockman's mind flashed the head of Iceman, his last plea, and his last expression. After showing such derangement, Iceman reached an indescribable peace in his last moment for not having to 'eat Tory.' What did that mean anyways? Was Rockman supposed to accept it literally, just as how that small navi claimed to have drank the blood of the frogs, which Tory testified? At the center of the eldritch enigma was the hideous light he saw today. That much was certain.

"Why do things have to be this way, Rockman?"

He saw, through the screen, that Netto was taking him somewhere. First, it was to the window side; by the sound, he deduced that the boy was closing the curtains. Then, it was back at the desk again. He was transferred to the PC, forced to face the boy in a higher resolution.

"Why do I always have to lose what I cherish the most? Why?" Netto said while sitting down. "Rockman, listen. I need to tell you something...it's not for you, but for me, I know. But I thought it would be unfair to not tell you..."

"Netto kun..."

"You don't have to be so sorry, Rockman. None of this is your fault. I am sorry. I wanted to tell you this, and I hope it is not too late. I thought about how I treated you after...you lost it in the oven server. That was unfair of me. I was...just scared that you were going to leave me...leave me behind like..."

Tears flowed from Netto, evidently overwhelmed. The boy could not continue. Any attempt to do so resulted in a stutter, inhalation, and more tears. Rockman remained silent; he knew what was coming, and he could barely contain himself as well. The word, no, the name was eventually squeezed out of the boy, by sheer determination, in the most terrible way.

"Saito niisan."

Rockman hid his hands behind. They were trembling. No, trembling was an understatement.

"You see, I had a brother before you came. We were twins..." Netto wiped his face with a tissue. "And I...I..."

"Netto kun, you don't have to talk about it, if it's so difficult for you." Rockman's voice was trembling as much as his hands were out of control, but Netto did not notice, sunken in the emotion that surged from the old wound that was split open.

"...Thank you, Rockman. But I have to...I see that I have to...Because..." Netto still stuttered severely, for such unforgiving hyperventilation is what often happens to a kind-hearted when he is crushed to tears. "You look so much like him."

Moroseness filled the boy's eyes. Was it because of the navi's outer resemblance or because of the painful loss he was revisiting? Rockman did not want to know.

"He was...sick...It had been that way since the beginning. Ma-maybe you already know all this...did, did papa tell you?"

Rockman shook his head. He could not bring himself into saying a simple "No" without crumbling like the boy in front of him.

"Okay...okay..."

Realizing that he could not continue in this state, Netto went through the tissue box until he regained some composure. It was achieved only after running through almost half of it. The desk between them was getting covered with undisposed and crumpled white Kleenexes.

"He had something called HBD. His heart was bad; that was what I was told...and everyone said that he would not live more than a year...but he was with me until recently. I don't know how he did it, but that's how much longer he lived. I was happy when he was with me. Really happy..."

Netto, with reddened eyes, gazed straight at him as if the answer to all of his questions lay deep inside the navi's green eyes.

"I...used to sleep while hugging him. He was a morning person, but he would stay with me until I woke up. I really liked it. I liked how our eyes met when I lifted my eyes. I liked how he ran through my hair. I liked how he said 'good morning' when we both knew the sun was too high for that...What a spoiled brat was I...haha...but when I was next to him, I found peace...everything felt right..."

'Netto kun, I liked them too. I liked how you looked up at me the first thing in the morning, how you let me run through your hair, how I was able to greet you-'

No, Netto was not looking at him, though he physically was. Rockman grasped that he was simply a conduit to an image of the unachievable happiness of bygone days. Netto was looking through him, beyond him, behind him.

"The peace...not in the way of describing how nothing is happening. The perfect peace of perfect satisfaction was there. Will you be able to understand that Rockman? It was the kind...where even if death reached me, I would not feel any pain. At least that's how I imagined it."

It was also the same for Saito Hikari; the last breaths, the arrest of heart...he had no pain. He passed away in the perfect peace, for Netto was next to him. He knew exactly what was being described. Oh, how he knew.

"He was like the Earth, and I was his moon. You know, the moon always faces the Earth in the same direction...Heh, what am I even talking about? I practically orbited around him. Back then, I thought that it was all because he had a bad heart, and that he always needed my attention. Well, that was true, but not the whole truth. I only realized this when I held his ashes in my arms. I...I...I'm sorry, Rockman. One moment..."

Some more tissues were used in absorbing the few teardrops. Despite the contortions of his face, the tear did not come out in quantity. The lacrimal glands were empty.

'No, you are wrong! I was the moon, and you were the Earth! Oh, how I hated myself for binding you down!'

"...I realized that it was a convenient excuse. I just wanted to be with him, and I was taking all excuses I could find along the way. I even...I really did not want to admit this, but now I see, and you need to know. I even made sure that he did not have time to develop meaningful friendships with others. I wanted to continue to monopolize his heart and attention. He never knew how creative I had to get to achieve this...The worst part is, that I still do not regret it."

Rockman never suspected this, and the confession deeply shocked him. The shock, however, was not the one that resulted in repulsion; it was the kind that brought him a twisted happiness. It was entirely possible that it was because his soul was twisted, trapped in this twisted dimension.

"But there is one thing I regret. I regretted it almost every day when he passed away...so much so that when you first came to me, I could not look at you out of guilt. It was..."

Netto buried his forehead in his palms. He made many deep sighs, unable to find a proper place to begin his excision. The guilt was inside him like a tumor, and it was larger than what he naively thought.

"Saito niisan...Saito niisan...I'm sorry Saito niisan...I'm so sorry..."

That was it. There was silence, and only the ticking of the clock was in the room. Why did it sound so loud today? Why was each second like an eternity?

"He-"

When Netto resumed, he did so with many pauses, choosing each word very carefully, as if the subject required a degree of reverence that was beyond his qualifications.

"-accepted everything. It is clear that he had accepted his fate at a very early stage. I do not know how he could have been so strong."

'I wasn't Netto kun! I wasn't! It was because you were right next to me!'

"He always clearly expressed his affection. He always poured his tender heart into mine. He praised me. He hugged me so often. He would even sniff me and tell me how...how...nice it was to know that I was here. We would check each other's heartbeats and feel assured. He was always next to me. I basked in his love. And I was embarrassed." In saying this, Netto made the most devastated expression.

"I was embarrassed! Oh God...I really did not see what I was doing wrong until he was gone. I never properly told him how much I loved him. 'Action speaks louder than words,' I told myself...I was an idiot. You know what? Once a person is gone, he does not return...and I cannot say anything more to him."

Netto now buried his entire face in his palms, unable to bear the shame of his guilt.

"...The night he passed away, I was sleeping right next to him. In the morning, he was...gone. With the happiest smile and immovable peace...and I slept through the whole thing without knowing. I felt like a useless pig after that. I missed his last moment. I missed his last word. Why didn't code blue activate? Why did he have to die that night? The hospital did not know. The doctors on duty were frightened, thinking a malpractice suit was near. They looked over the internal footage and showed it to us. Can you even guess what he did in his last moments? He wiped my drool and went to sleep like it was nothing! The monitor showed the heart slowing and then stopping. Nurses said that he must have been in agony, and could not understand how he managed to not squirm one bit. He...he...even to the last moment..."

Rockman wanted to reach out. He wanted to hug him. He wanted to say that there was no reason for Netto to put the blame on him. At the same time, all was impossible. Netto was unreachable, and the boy would not be able to accept anything he could offer unless it was offered in the identity of Saito Hikari.

"Only if I can tell him...Haaaaaa...only if I can tell him that...I was...I am...that I...Now it's too late."

"...I'm sure he knows, Netto kun."

Netto lifted his face. He looked bitter.

"Heh, you talk like mama. Is that the idea she gave to you? Don't kid me, Rockman, I know better."

Netto was restless in the fabricated guilt, yet it was too real for him to be not fettered in it. Rockman fearfully observed that what he did to Netto so far was not enough to save him. It was to be achievable only by revealing himself to the boy, just as he saved his father by the same truth. By returning, he bore the blasphemous guilt of his father and acquitted him. Netto, too, would not be saved unless he bore the guilt in his stead—by letting the boy have the chance for a missed penance of reciprocation. The chance to right the wrong. In the return of Saito Hikari, Netto's sins would be cleansed.

"And then you came to me, and you had to look so much like him. What was papa thinking? I was too afraid to ask, because I knew, whatever the reason was, it was going to be my fault. Maybe I was too depressed, or maybe it was too obvious that I was not letting him go."

'Netto kun...it was not you. It was papa's guilt. He did not take his loss very well, arguably worse than how you did.'

"For some time I could not even look straight at you, because I hated myself for trying to consider you as a reincarnation of Saito niisan, and then, when I grew out of that strange notion, as his replacement. In retrospect, had I treated you exactly like that, would I have atoned myself by telling you how much I loved the time spent with Saito niisan? No...you would not have understood any of it..."

Netto emitted an empty laughter.

"And then we had adventures. We even made promises of travels...to see the world together. The kinds that could never be had with Saito niisan. You know, I was really happy when we beat Gutsman. I was really happy when I saved you from Numberman. I was really happy to see you happy. You became my second treasure. You saved me when I could not escape from the ghost of Saito niisan. Strange...after you came, I was no longer tormented by the thoughts of my brother. I was even able to convince myself that this—living on—was exactly what he would've wanted. That it was not...a betrayal."

Netto was mistaken. It was not a betrayal in any shape or form. Rockman was exactly that which he lost in the first place. How was he supposed to know? How was he supposed to suspect based on how Rockman fit perfectly the hole in his heart left behind by Saito Hikari?

"And now..." Netto lifted his eyes to the ceiling as if waiting for providence to his lamentations. "I am going to lose you...and I am unable to do anything about it...Had I never known Saito niisan...or had I been the one with HBD...then..."

"Don't say such things, Netto kun!"

"Why?" Netto was not amused. He was powerless. He was tired.

"Because I am still here."

Netto, at long last, looked at Rockman, not as a portal to the memories of Saito Hikari, but as the navi in front of him. He noticed how there were tears welling up in that similar face. He noticed the tremor in the navi's voice. He noticed the authentic sadness and reluctance.

"Rockman..."

"Un, Netto kun. I am right here." Rockman placed his hand on the screen.

"But...but..." Netto placed his hand on the screen, matching that of the navi, pretending that their palms met. It felt warm—probably his mind fooling his body.

"I am here today. I will be here tomorrow."

"But then, a few more days, a week, a month, and you will leave me too." Netto whimpered.

"But I am here." A teardrop that had been hanging at the corner of Rockman's eye like a fruit of crystal raced down the navi's cheek.

"...Must you leave me like this? You too?"

Rockman saw dread in Netto's eyes.

"What time we have left, we will spend them together. We will make the best memories. Netto kun, I'll be in your heart. I'll be with you, always."

"That's...too cruel." The boy floundered in the vision of the future in which he was to be alone again. "Rockman, your kindness is too cruel. You will be there forever, and I won't know what to do with it...I won't be able to use any other netnavi."

"It's okay."

"It won't be the same! Even if the new navi blares alarms for me in the morning, scolds me for doing stupid things, reminds me to do homework...it won't be the same..."

"But you will have new adventures, make new memories...it's okay if you grow to forget about me, because it means you are alive. Life goes on. It's been a little less than a year since we came together, and I am very grateful for everything: the fun we had together in the net, the joy of winning in netbattles, the world you showed me, the flowers you gave me, the chatters we had...Netto kun, today you told me about your brother, Saito. I'm very happy that you consider me so important to you. I'm...flattered that you consider me someone so precious. However, it is an end only for me. It is not for you."

The dread in the eyes of Netto evolved into desperation.

"Rockman, can't you come back?"

Rockman did not want to see Netto begging. He was the one who wanted to beg; if Netto begged, then he had to be resolute. If Netto was weak, he had to be strong.

'I don't want to be separated from you!' But Rockman said, "I can't, Netto kun."

"What-what if you are made anew? It's okay if you won't remember a thing. We can make new memories, have new adventures..."

'I will be aboard that train, and forget about you, Netto kun...I don't want to forget!' But Rockman said, "No, papa won't do that."

"...Why?"

'Netto kun, why is the world so determined to keep me away from you? What wrong have I done?' But Rockman said, "I'm sorry Netto kun, that it has to be this way. Do you remember our promise?"

Confusion was the face the boy made. They had too many promises between themselves.

"...The one about my disassembly." Rockman softly reminded.

Netto nodded. He refused to speak it aloud; it was not a long time ago since he defiantly declared that Rockman will never come to that fate. He felt defeated.

"I have something important to tell you, when that time comes, so...please come and...hold my hand, okay? With you around, I won't be scared!"

Rockman put on a cheer that masked the sorrow, placing his hands on his waists; Netto's hand, no longer in 'contact' with the navi, felt only the coldness of the screen and slid down onto the desk. By the circumstances, Netto considered it to be an act, designed to calm him down. Yet it did not seem forced, perplexing the boy. The insight was a correct one: Rockman had a reason to look forward to his end, for it was only by then that he would be freed from the heaviest burden of his existence. Netto would finally know who he is.

"Ha...ha...I'll be there. I promise. You better wait for me." Netto resigned, in more than one way. In resignation was acceptance. In acceptance was an unexpected optimistic realism—the satisfaction in the present. Rockman was right: they were still together. Netto added, "So, we better start having some fun together. What shall we do? Any ideas?"

"Netto kun, first, you look awfully tired." Rockman remarked noting the red and swollen eyes of the boy. "As I said, I am still here...you should get some rest. You are not going anywhere with those eyes. I'll notify the school."

"I already told them I am sick today."

"Okay then. Better wash your face and rest up. Please?"

The boy showed every sign of reluctance, but the calm stare of the bright green eyes did him in.

"Fine. You were always right. I'll try to take it easy today. Huh, you are not going to give me that usual smug face?"

Rockman made an effort to make that face.

"That's terrible." The boy said, letting out an involuntary chortle.

"Netto kun, I have a question."

"What is it?"

"Are you not going to ask me what I learned from Iceman?"

"...No. If you had good news, you would've already told me. Tell me...when I can handle it."

Then Netto exited the room, fearing that any more hesitation would lead his navi to reveal a fragment of truth he was not ready to accept. Had any more misfortune reared its ugly head before him, what morsel of vaporous optimism he received from Rockman was bound to be scattered. Besides, The production and shedding of tears was a physically exhausting strain, especially when coupled with emotion as destabilizing as the one Netto just went through. The boy tried his best to resist the fatigue, but it got the better of him in the early afternoon.

Rockman contemplated while watching the boy asleep on the bed. He digested the contents of the speech of the hideous being. He began to integrate the violent recollections of the 'dream of his navi.' The peace of Netto had to be protected at all costs. The life of Netto had to be guarded at all costs. He was not deluded; once he was no more, Netto would live his life under a conviction of a curse: that everything he loves inadvertently perishes prematurely, and that he was destined to watch it unfold helplessly, like sand escaping through his fingers. His life would become a solitary one as long as he failed to convince himself that he was deserving of a third chance. The problem was beyond what Rockman could help; he would not be there for Netto. However, he decided that he would leave such problems to the mystery of life, believing that the miracle of hope would visit the boy one day and untangle the knot of fear in his heart. Presently, he had to come up with something to halt the 'end times.' Whatever it was, it involved 'men of this time and place;' however he put it, Netto was included.

Rockman calculated many iterations in the cold emotionless rationality in stark contrast to the outburst of anguish he had only hours prior. No possibility was spared. All were considered. All was permissible for the sake of Netto.

There was only one solution.