Saturday, February 19, 1978

"Beth, I'm gonna go on ahead, okay?"

I looked up at Al from where I was kneeling in front of the stroller, trying to determine why Bridget was crying, and nodded, "Okay, honey. We'll catch up to you."

He smiled at me and headed in the direction of the shoes. I returned my attention to our daughter and identified the problem. She couldn't find her "passie" and was wailing as she frantically searched the area around her. I located it beneath her small leg and handed it to her with a grin. Her pacifier restored, Bridget stopped her fussing, and I stood up, preparing to cross back behind the stroller to catch up to Al, who I could see had entered the shoe department. I'd barely taken a step when a slender, dark-haired woman approached him from behind, surprise on her face.

"It can't be! Bingo? Bingo Calavicci!"

Al turned, his head whipping around at the sound of his old call sign and nickname, and an expression of sheer delight lit his eyes. "Lisa!"

She laughed and grabbed him in a tight embrace, kissing him full on the lips. I clenched the push bar of the double stroller and began making my way over. Did she not even care about wedding rings? As we got nearer, Michele shouted, "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!"

Lisa's eyes widened, and she finally pulled away from Al, laying a hand on his chest and turning her head to watch the stroller drawing closer. "Nooooo," she laughed again. "These are YOURS?"

Al chuckled and bent down to lift Michele from the stroller, kissing her forehead as he nestled her against his side. "Yep. This is Michele, and that's Bridget."

Lisa reached out a perfectly manicured finger to tickle Michele under her chin. "She looks just like you, Bingo."

I waited for Al to correct her, as he always maintained the girls looked like me (save his eyes. Even he had to concede they had his eyes), but he just grinned and thanked her. I took in her trim figure, the clean lines of her pantsuit, and felt incredibly self-conscious in my rumpled shirt and jeans that were still, over a year after giving birth, a bit too tight around the hips and thighs. I was too aware of the stray hairs escaping from my ponytail, and contrasted them with the sleek coif of her dark hair.

I cleared my throat lightly, and Al turned, as if noticing me for the first time. "Oh, Beth! Lisa, this is my wife, Beth. Beth, this is Lisa Sherman. We were stationed together in the Fifties."

I started to reach out to shake her hand, but she'd tossed her head and was correcting Al, "Actually, Bingo, it's Parker now. I went back to my maiden name after I finally divorced Jack."

"And you never remarried?" Al handed Michele off to me.

"Now how could I, Al, when you're already taken?" she grinned, nodding at me. She glanced at the girls and shook her head lightly at him. "I never dreamed you'd settle down, and now look at you. With a wife, and two kids!"

"Yeah, who woulda thunk it, huh?" he laughed.

"You guys planning on having more?"

Al shrugged. "These two can be handful enough sometimes."

I pretended to adjust Michele's small pantsleg to hide the tears that had suddenly sprung to my eyes at his words. C'mon, Beth, you haven't even said anything, I reminded myself. I sighed a shaky breath and tried to join in the conversation. "Do you have any kids, Lisa?"

"No, thank God! I wouldn't want any reminders of Jack around!"

Michele tugged on my sleeve. "Just a minute, honey," I told her. "Mommy and Daddy are talking." She sighed and rested her head on my shoulder.

"I can't believe you stayed with him as long as you did," Al said.

Lisa smiled and touched Al's cheek. "I know. I should've left him long before I did. Who knows? Maybe I'd have landed you instead of Beth!" She laughed merrily. "Oh, those were good times, weren't they, Bingo? Even if we did have to sneak around."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing! Did she have no shame? I waited for Al to say something, anything, but he just nodded in agreement. "They sure were."

Michele poked me in the arm again. "Mommy, I…"

"Not now, baby," I interrupted her. "Just a second." A pit had started to form in my stomach. "Sneak around?" I asked, starting to get an idea of what their relationship had entailed.

"He never told you the story?" Lisa laughed. To her credit she actually blushed slightly. "When Bingo and I were involved…I was kind of married to Jack Sherman."

"Oh." I didn't know what to say. I straightened Michele's sock instead.

"A true nozzle if ever there was one," Al said. He seemed to feel the sudden awkwardness as well. "So, are you seeing anyone?" Al asked Lisa. I stared at him in disbelief. What was he trying to do, see if she was available for another affair? Did he want to see what it was like to be the married party?

"As a matter of fact," Lisa said, "I am."

"I hope he treats you well."

"He does." She smirked. "Almost as well as you did."

"Mommy, yucky!" Michele finally exclaimed, throwing politeness out the window, and taking my face in both small hands. A foul odor filled the air, and I lightly patted her bottom to feel a full diaper. She hated wearing a soiled diaper, and I knew we were just moments away from a crying fit to rival Bridget's earlier one.

"I'm sorry, will you excuse me?" I said, grabbing the diaper bag from the storage area on the back of the stroller. "It was nice to meet you, Lisa," I lied. I turned to my husband, "Al, I'm gonna leave Bridget with you, okay, love?" I took off for the bathroom before he could give his assent or decline. Maybe your daughter will remind you that you're married!

"Mommy?" Michele asked in concern as we hurried to the bathroom at the back of the large department store. She reached up and touched an errant angry tear that was trickling its way down my cheek, staring at the wetness on her finger.

"It's okay, honey. Let's go get you changed, how's that sound?"

Michele was studying my face again, holding on to both cheeks, and she suddenly leaned forward and kissed me—a sloppy baby kiss. "Love Mommy," she declared.

I stopped in my tracks and started crying in earnest at the innocent gesture. "I love you, too, Michele. I love you so much, baby." I hugged her close to me and tried to get control of myself as we continued to the restroom.

The ladies' room was thankfully empty, and I found a stretch of empty counter. I reached one-handed into the diaper bag and found the changing pad, which I laid out on the counter, before hefting Michele up and setting her on it. She obediently lay on her back and waited for me to unsnap the legs of her toddler pants and change her diaper. She sang a little made-up song consisting of "la la la" and "ha ha ha ha," punctuated every so often with "Love Mommy."

"Bye, yucky!" she announced as I cleaned her bottom with the baby wipes.

I laughed, "That's right, 'Bye, yucky.'" New diaper on, I fastened the snaps of her pants leg and began cleaning the area. Michele sat up and hitched her bottom up on one side, yanking the changing pad from underneath her and handing it to me. "Thank you, darling," I told her, folding it and shoving it back in the diaper bag. She smiled and extended her arms for me to take her.

"Daddy?" she asked, once she was in my arms.

"Yes, we'll go find Daddy," I agreed.

By the time we arrived back in the shoe department, Al was at the register, paying for a pair of shoes, the stroller by his side. Lisa was no longer around, I was glad to see. Bridget had fallen asleep, and she was bent forward, her head pillowed on the padded restraint bar. I settled Michele into the seat behind her sister, and she beamed at me.

When I stood up, Al had finished at the register and was right next to me, studying me. I colored slightly, fully aware of the fact that it would be obvious I'd been crying. "Beth, we need to talk," he said, simply.

"Yes, we do. But not here." I grabbed the handle of the stroller and started pushing it away from the shoes, but Al took my arm, halting me.

"Honey, wait."

I stared at him. Al, of all people, wouldn't want to discuss anything in a public place.

He paused and rubbed the back of his neck, then hugged me to him. "I love you," he whispered in my ear, before kissing my cheek. "I just wanted to tell you that. I love you."

I didn't trust my voice. I just nodded into his shoulder and took a shaky breath.

After another moment, he released me, allowing me to push the stroller forward and following alongside. We walked silently out of the department store and to the parking lot. We didn't speak as we settled the twins into their car seats and collapsed the stroller, stowing it in the trunk. The ride home was silent as well. Al kept his attention on the road and I stared out the window.

Al parked the car in the driveway and cleared his throat. "Beth, I…"

I shook my head and opened the car door, getting out without saying a word. I halfheartedly returned Rick's friendly wave from the next yard, and focused on unfastening Bridget's car seat straps without waking her. Al had already gotten Michele out and was carrying her around the car to meet us.

"Love Mommy," Michele proclaimed as she caught sight of me.

"I do, too, Sheli," agreed Al. He held my gaze. "More than anything."

I pressed my lips together and bent to pick up Bridget. I stood, settling her into my arms and saw that Al still watched me, his dark eyes earnest. Exhaling roughly, I pushed the door closed with my hip and marched toward the house without responding. From behind, I heard his frustrated growl before he followed me inside. Still silent, I carried Bridget upstairs and put her down in her crib, gently tugging her shoes and socks off and draping a light blanket over her. I brushed a soft hand across her head and bent to kiss her, then turned to leave the room. A small gasp escaped me when I saw Al standing in the doorway, Michele in his arms.

"Bridget's asleep," I said in a low voice. "She's going to wake her up if you bring her in here."

"Sheli's starting to drift off herself," Al pointed out. "She'll be out in a minute."

"Fine. Give her to me."

He shook his head. "I've got it." He walked to the rocking chair and sat down, setting it into motion and softly humming to Michele. I folded my arms and watched from the doorway, my lips tightly scrunched. Michele let out a soft sigh and gradually relaxed against her father, rubbing his earlobe. When her small fingers stopped moving and her limbs drooped, we both knew she was asleep.

Al put her to bed and turned to face me. "Are you ready to talk now?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly, in a hard voice. My arms were still folded defensively across my chest, and I glared at Al before turning to head downstairs. He hurried after me and grabbed my shoulders when he caught up with me in the den. Forcing me to turn and face him, he studied my expression.

"You're upset with me," he said, finally.

I rolled my eyes. "Very good, Mr. Obvious."

"Why?"

"Why! Al, if you even have to ask me that, we've got bigger problems than I thought!"

"You mind clueing me in on these problems we supposedly have?" His hands flew to his hips.

My eyes narrowed as I said, "Just what the heck was that back at the store?"

"Lisa? She's just an old friend."

"Don't give me that. It was more than just friendship, Albert. Lisa said it herself. You two were involved."

Al blew out a frustrated breath. "In 1957. That was over twenty years ago!"

"Hmmph. As far as Lisa was concerned it might have just been yesterday." I looked fiercely at him. "Would you have told her you were married if I hadn't walked up?"

"What kind of question is that?"

My mouth dropped open at the question and I couldn't help but shake my head as I looked at the man that I thought that I knew. "One that you're evading." Al reached for my hand and tried stroking it, but I roughly yanked it away. "Would you have told her!"

His eyes were fiery. "Of course I would have!"

"How long were you two….?" I couldn't finish the sentence.

Sighing, Al answered, "About a year."

"Did you know she was married?"

He tried defending himself, "It wasn't much of a marriage, Beth. He cheated on her, and he hit her!"

"So that made it okay, huh?" Tears cast a sheen across my eyes and I blinked furiously.

"Beth, she was married, I wasn't!"

I rubbed my face and turned away from him, my shoulders shaking from anger. "Maybe you weren't then, but you are now. And it all makes me wonder. If you didn't respect her vows…." I inhaled a ragged breath then faced him again, finishing in a quiet voice, "…will you respect ours?"

Stricken by my words, Al's mouth fell open. "Oh, Beth. I'm sorry." He reached for me, but I backed away, waving my arms in front of me for emphasis.

"Don't touch me right now, Albert. Just…don't."

He dropped his arms to his sides. "Beth, you mean the world to me. You know that, don't you?"

I gave him a harsh look. "I felt like an afterthought today."

"No. You're not." He stopped and looked at his shoes for a moment, then raised his head to look into my eyes. "Beth, when Lisa and I were together, you have to realize, I hadn't even met you yet! It was four years before we met!"

Shaking my head, I said sadly, "One look at Lisa and you were Bingo again, not just in the air. You were Bingo, and not my Al." I started crying. "Do you miss those days? Do you wish you could relive them? That you weren't saddled with a wife and kids?"

Al abortively extended his arms to embrace me, abruptly dropping them back to his sides. "No, I don't," he said. "I wouldn't trade what I have with you for anything."

"I wish I could believe you," I responded in a tiny voice.

A tear spilled from Al's eye and he took a step nearer to me. "Beth. I hurt you today, and I'm sorry. God, am I sorry."

"Did you love her?"

He was taken aback by the question and it seemed as if it hadn't fully registered with him. "What?"

Sighing, I repeated, "Did. You. Love her? And I want the truth, Albert, not some platitude that you think will get you back in my good graces!"

Al frowned. "I cared about her, Beth. We were lovers, yes, but did I love her? No. If I had loved her, she's probably right that I'd have married her." His eyes widened and he suddenly seemed worried about how I might take that last sentence, so he emphasized, "But I married you. Because I love you. I've always loved you. From the moment I set eyes on you, I've been in love with you."

He touched my shoulder, and this time I allowed the contact. "How long did she stay after I left?"

"Not long. I think she realized her being there upset you." Al moved closer, gauging my reactions as he did. "Beth, I wish I could change what I did when I was younger, but I can't. All I can do is assure you…baby, I swear to you, I will never cheat on you. When I said 'til death do us part,' I meant it. You are the only woman for me, Elizabeth Rose."

I closed my eyes and pondered what he had said. I wanted to believe him, wanted to trust him. To forgive him. Opening my eyes, I searched his face, looking for earnestness, for honesty. I found it, but part of me stubbornly clung to my anger, smarting. That part of me questioned the honesty, recalling that Al had done summer stock theatre—and had been very skilled at it. Was he just saying the words he knew would soothe me?

"I love you, Beth!" His voice was strangled, regret and his desire to make it all better mingling and tightening his throat. All doubt left me.

"I love you, too, Al. That's what made it hurt so much."

"I'm sorry, honey." He gently pulled me into an embrace. "I'm so sorry."

I hugged him back, burying my face in his chest. "I just have one more question," I said, turning my head to the side so he could hear me.

He stiffened slightly, but calmly asked what it was.

"Did you mean it when you told Lisa you didn't want any more kids?"

Al carefully pushed me far enough away so that he could see my face. "What are you talking about? I never said I didn't want more children."

"But when she asked if we were planning on having more…."

He smiled and placed a light finger on my lips. "Are you going to deny the twins are a handful?"

"Well, no…." I had to smile back. "But…" He didn't let me finish.

"Oh no. Did you think…?" He broke off and hugged me to him again. "I'm sorry, baby, I just hurt you left and right today, didn't I?"

More than you know, I thought, but all I did was nod. Al pressed my head into his shoulder and tucked my hair behind my ear. He kept whispering how sorry he was and how much he loved me. I let my eyes fall closed and nodded again. After a few moments I lifted my head and told him it was okay.

"I'll be all right," I shakily said, taking a deep breath to try and prove my point. On the exhale, though, I had to clamp my hand over my mouth as a surge of nausea brought on by my tears roiled and sent me running for the bathroom. I made it just in time, and after I flushed the toilet and rinsed my mouth out in the sink, I saw Al standing nervously in the doorway. He looked guilty for waiting til I was done, but I wasn't in the mood to discuss his aversion to vomit.

"Are you sick, honey? Do you want me to call a doctor?"

"I'm fine. I just got too worked up, that's all. Pregnancy'll do that to you, you know."

He nodded agreeably before what I had said fully clicked. He froze in mid-nod, his eyes widening. "Did you say pregnant?" When I nodded, a stupid grin spread across Al's face. He drew alongside me and rubbed his hand against my flat abdomen. "How long?" he asked.

"Dr. Winter confirmed it the other day. I've just been waiting for the right time to tell you."

Al closed his eyes momentarily before regarding me. "And today of all days…we run into Lisa Sherman."

I wagged a finger at him, mimicking Lisa, "It's Parker now, Bingo."

Al seized my wagging finger in his hand and shook his head. "It's not Bingo, Beth…it's Al."