Three weeks. She lasts three weeks of avoiding him.
Three weeks of heel turns in the hall when she saw him, of disappearing into the lingering mass of students that seemed to cram a hallway all of a sudden whenever she needed them to. Three weeks of not meeting his eyes in the faculty room or during a meeting. Three weeks of sitting by herself and shrugging off questioning looks from other staff over the abrupt rift. Three weeks of ducking the kids.
That last one was hard.
Willow – and surprisingly, Cordelia – checked on her. Jenny told them she was fine as kindly as she could muster. They knew she wasn't though and gave her a while to process.
Xander tried to make her laugh a couple of times when she was particularly down yet she forced herself to let him only elicit a small smile or an eye roll from her.
Buffy kind of stayed out of her way, smiling kindly when they passed in the hall or if she met Willow after class. Jenny wasn't concerned about Buffy; she knew Buffy was keeping an eye on Rupert. He was Buffy's main concern and not just because she needed her watcher to be on the top of his game. Rupert was more than a watcher to her. Child of divorce and absent of a consistent male role model, Buffy was craving a father figure and, without any conscious doing on either's part, their bond was developing into that.
Jenny was just relieved someone was watching out for him. It also served to remind her that she and Rupert weren't the only ones affected by the dissolution of their fledgling romance. The kids cared about them; they were invested in their happiness. And neither of them was happy right now.
He finally worked up the nerve to approach her in her classroom with some excuse about textbooks. She tried to pick a fight with him. Pouring her frustration, and her embarrassment into their brief conversation, hoping to spark his fight rather than stoke his guilt over her encounter with Eyghon. Sleepless nights fuelled her anger which wasn't only aimed at Rupert, but herself as well.
Jenny shouldn't have let herself fall for him. It was safe when it was a meaningless crush, she could fight and flirt with him all she wanted. Then, she asked him out. They had fun and smiled and gazed at each other as they fell deeper. She's kind of relieved this happened before they slept together. She doesn't want to think about how she would feel if they'd spent the weekend together.
She knew she couldn't dodge him forever. When he found her in her classroom, Jenny didn't turn her tail and run. Two minutes in his presence, barely eight feet apart, and she was struck with a yearning to close the distance and take comfort in his arms. He stood in front of her with his heart on his sleeve. He wanted to make sure she was alright. He wanted to comfort her.
She was angry at both of them because they couldn't keep their distance. She was cruel, harsh. She needed him to stay away because she couldn't do it by herself. She lashed out at him, trying to pick a fight. Instead of fighting back like she hoped, he'd issued a stifled apology and fled, leaving her feeling guiltier than before.
Later that afternoon she tried to get the kids to get the textbooks Rupert approached her about.
Only she's met with an awkward stance of panic. Willow stands between Xander and Cordelia as Buffy waits in the hall just beyond the open door. The kids exchange glances before all of their eyes fall on Willow. Jenny's star pupil takes half a step forward.
"Um, you're our teacher and we would totally get the textbooks for you, except we don't want to if it's just because you want to avoid Giles. We don't want to help with that because we think," she gestures at the others and pointedly nods at the others to back her up. She waits for them to start nodding before turning back. "Well, we think it might help if you guys talked."
Jenny doesn't mistake the slight hesitation in Willow's voice as a question. She knows it's wrong for her to ask them to run interference. This is her mess and they shouldn't get involved or feel the need to be the voices of reason.
"It's completely up to you, you could pull the teacher card and I don't think we could say no to that," Willow rambles. "But, if you want to get the textbooks, we'd come with you to help carry them for moral support."
Jenny considers them for a moment. Their kind, encouraging expressions got to her in ways she used to be able to resist. She doesn't want to give them false hope but maybe it'll be easier with them as a buffer. "I'll think about it," she tells them in a neutral tone.
Willow nods and does a little twirl as she follows her friends out of the classroom. Xander falls into step with Cordelia as Buffy lingers as Willow passes her, her eyes not straying from Jenny. The young slayer looks thoughtful, almost assessing, as though she wants to say something. The others walk ahead. Jenny approaches the door.
"He didn't mean for this to happen," Buffy tells her quietly.
"I know," Jenny nods. Rupert couldn't have seen this coming. "I just need some time."
She'd said the same thing to Rupert, ambiguous and maddening. She's angry with herself for not being able to say what she needs to. She can't say what she needs to. She can't make a clean break. She had no problem fighting with him when they first met. It got her a little worked up seeing how passionate and snarky he got. She liked seeing that spark in him. Not for the first time in the last three weeks, her heart hurts at how much she misses him.
"Time?" Buffy tried not to let her disappointment show. They both know what time means.
"Buffy," Jenny sighs. "It's not just about what happened. I'm not going to make promises I don't know I can keep."
"I appreciate that," Buffy gives her half a smile. "Giles deserves honesty, so if you don't forgive him or care about him, you should just tell him."
"It's because I care about him that this is so confusing," Jenny replies. "I don't deal with being sick or being in pain very well and I tend to react by either pushing everyone away or running away myself."
She's tried both in this instance and neither worked out in her favour. Buffy looks at her, searching for some sign Jenny has one foot out the door.
"Everyone's got to do what they have to, but if that's what you need to do, you'll say goodbye, right?"
"That's part of the problem," Jenny admits. "I don't think I can."
Realisation dawns on Buffy's face, and she slowly nods in understanding. "So, time, huh? How much time are we talking about?"
Jenny smiles despite herself. "I'll let you know."
Satisfied with Jenny's answer, Buffy heads off to find her friends.
The next day, Buffy is accused of murder.
Jenny weaves in and out of halls as Snyder opens Buffy's locker for the police and arranges meetings with the teachers about Buffy's behaviour and temperament. Rupert is summoned because despite not being a teacher, it hasn't escaped Snyder's notice that Buffy spends an inordinate amount of time in the library.
Jenny manages to curb Snyder as he tries to pry Willow and Xander out of her classroom to speak with the police. She steps out into the hall to loudly remind him they are minors and need a parent present. She watches him slither away before returning to her students, catching their grateful smiles. Their smiles are forced and she can tell the kids are freaked and she can only think of how Buffy and Rupert are.
Buffy is the slayer, but it hasn't gone to her head. She wouldn't turn on a human without cause. Jenny feels the desperation in the air as a lot more rides on the situation than potential incarceration. She can't stand by when she can help with…well, she's not sure what beyond offering to help.
She waits till her last class leaves before heading towards the library. Upon entering, she finds Cordelia alone at the computer set up on the table.
"Hi Miss Calendar," she greets. "Are you looking for Giles?"
"Among the others? You're here alone?"
"Babysitting a computer search while Willow tests the cookies Ted made," the popular girl explains.
"I'm going to need a little bit more Cordelia," Jenny tells her. She knows the guy Buffy supposedly killed was named Ted, but she isn't sure how cookies fit in. Or where Rupert is.
"Xander was raging," Cordelia waves dismissively at the other side of the table as though Xander was standing in front of her. "Then, he starts mellowing out when he starts munching on a cookie. Willow thinks they might be laced with something. She's testing them to prove Ted was some kind of creep."
Okay.
"And where's Rupert?"
"Patrolling," Cordelia pulls a face. "I offered to go with him but he said Buffy needed our help more than he did."
Jenny blinks at her. Patrolling. Alone. Right.
"I thought you were avoiding him anyway," Cordelia continues, softer, more tactful than usual.
"I was just wondering if there was anything I could do to help."
"I think we've got it covered here," the girl muses, frowning at the computer. "At least, Willow says we have."
Jenny finds herself holding her breath to ease her building frustration. "Did Giles mention where he was going on patrol?"
Anything could happen and all the time she wasted not talking to him would be for nothing. She doesn't want to attend his funeral and play the ex with regrets. She's going to find him and make sure he doesn't get himself killed.
"He didn't say," Cordelia admits. "Are you going to look for him? I know he's the watcher and everything, but he's not Buffy."
"I'll drive around, keep an eye out for him," she says as casually as she can. She leans over the checking desk to grab a scrap piece of paper and a pen. She scribbles down a number before walking over to hand it to Cordelia. "If you guys need anything, here's my beeper number. I know Rupert gave it to Buffy but I'm not sure if the others have it."
Cordelia nods. "We've got this."
Jenny walks out of the library. She's stayed away from him for three weeks. Three weeks.
She's felt physical pain when thinking about walking out of his life for good. She's agonised over her intentions; conscious or not, her secrets have the potential to devastate him. She's cried more over Rupert than all of her exes combined.
But she can't stand by and let him do this alone. He could die and no one would be there to stop it.
She's going to find him and tell him the truth. She's going to apologise for being harsh and explain she was angry at him for keeping his past to himself. She was angry at herself for not asking about his past because she didn't want to answer questions about her own. In such a dangerous life, she thought he was safe. Jenny let herself fall for him and now she can't imagine walking away from him.
She's going to find him and tell him the truth. And watch him walk out of her life.
Buffy was right. Rupert deserved honesty and she was going to give it to him. She'll deal with the fallout with Enyos later.
It doesn't pan out that way.
She shoots him with the crossbow.
She shoots him with the crossbow.
If she was having some out-of-body experience, it'd be some kind of comedy skit. They actually laugh about it on the way to the hospital.
Now she's standing in the middle of a busy emergency room, relieved she only got a mild side-eye look from the admissions nurse when she tried to explain his injury. The hospital staff must see some really weird shit. Or assume Rupert did something awful which made her shoot him with the crossbow. Either way, the cops haven't been called and she's not in cuffs.
Jenny looks over at Rupert as the nurse stitches the hole in his side. He lifts his head, dopey from the painkillers they gave him. She offers him a smile as she approaches.
"What are you thinking about?" Jenny asks.
"That Xander would have a field day if he ever finds out what happened," Rupert replies with a wince as the nurse touches a sore spot.
Jenny laughs, holding out her pinky to him. "Pinky swear that we never tell him what happened."
Rupert huffs before reaching out and intertwining their little fingers. "I'm not sure who this would be more embarrassing for."
"Oh, I think I've got you beat by a mile here, England," Jenny quips. "Only we would disagree about this."
"It's been some night," he tells her, repeating her words from earlier back to her.
"Yeah," she agrees. Despite the painkillers, he's lucid enough to have questions. There's so many in his tone and his eyes, but the emergency room wasn't the place for that conversation.
She honestly hadn't gone looking with him to get back together with him. She wanted to tell him who she was. She wanted him to understand her decision was more than about him and Eyghon. She wanted him to understand she couldn't be with him because of who she was, not who he used to be.
They've both done things they'd rather forget.
"You know, I will understand if you didn't mean what you said in the cemetery," Rupert tells her. "I'd understand if it was said at the moment."
Jenny bites her lip, wondering if she should accept his offer of overlooking her basically saying they were back together. She'd started giggling at the absurdity of the situation and blurted out a quip about wooing her back. He's allowing her to take it back.
"I meant it."
She's as surprised as he is when she says it.
Jenny has thought of so many reasons she shouldn't be with him. Because of his past, her past and her mission to watch Angel. In all of the internalised processing, her only constant was her agony at the thought of not being with him.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah," she nods, moving forward to help him right his clothes when the nurse finishes at his hip. She steadies him as he pulls up his pants.
"There's stuff we don't know about each other, we've both got stuff we'd rather forget," Jenny continues. "It wasn't your fault I got hurt. It took me a while to figure that out."
"You were hurting," Rupert consoles.
"Yeah, what made it worse was missing you at the same time," she continues. "Rupert, there are things I want you to know, things you should know about me, but I don't know how to tell you."
"When you're ready to tell me, I'll be here to listen." There's no push, no judgment in his tone or expression, only empathy.
Jenny leans up to press her lips to his. She wants to tell him. She will tell him. Just not tonight.