Ibuki: Disclaimer! The author does not own any of the material appearing in the story. The OC's belong to their respective owners!
BGM: Hades' Infernal Theme (Kid Icarus: Uprising)
"Time! Space! Reality! It's more than just a boring ol' linear path! It's a prism of boundless entertainment! A single choice can branch out into infinite realities and infinite amusement from yours truly! Alternate universes created from the ones that we know and love! I am Lord Hades, your handsome guide to these wonderful and boundless fun of opportunities! Follow me, if you dare… and bask in the neverending torturous question of:"
SUPER RWBY: WHAT IF?
"What If!"
End BGM
"Now that was a treat if I say so myself! Got you good, didn't I? Iris catching a Pokemon was nothing more than an April Fools Joke. I thoroughly enjoyed that if I say so myself! Hahahaha!"
He looked through the universes. "Ah, nothing like having a joyful laugh in a moment such as that." He chuckled as he came across one universe. "Oh? Ooooooh!"
He grinned. "So! We all know the story of Xena, right? A girl losing her livelihood due to war, gets a split personality, her dark side gets a whole lot worse as time went on before they eventually set aside their differences and now they became the ultimate powerhouse of Team JINXY! Seriously, I swear they carry the entire squad."
He let out a chuckle. "But… let's say under different circumstances, King Bob-omb sent her someplace further away than just Toad Town. Where could it be? Let's find out!"
What If… Xena Was Shot Someplace Else?
"KING BOB-OMB!"
King Bob-omb turned around, seeing Xena in front of him. "Oh? And who are you?"
"Xena Ayami… and I'm going to kick your ass for destroying my home and killing my FAMILY!"
"...I've destroyed tons of homes and families in this war. You know how little that narrows it down?" King Bob-omb rolled his eyes. "Where are you from?"
"Bob-omb Village!"
"A human family lives in the Bob-omb village? That sounds like a recipe for disaster… don't blame me for that!"
"SHUT UP! I'm going to destroy you… I'm going to make sure you'll PAY for everything you've done!"
"Threatening me without a mustache? You are a bold one."
"What's this got to do with frickin' facial hair?!"
"Facial hair is equal to one's strength. You don't have any so you're worthless."
"Well… I think it's time we shaved that off!" Xena growled.
"Whatever. I never say no to a duel, so… give me your best shot!"
Xena hunched over, growling in anger as she lunged, swinging her sword and slashing him but King Bob-omb side stepped to avoid it and then punched her in the back of the head to knock her down. She got back up and slashed again as King Bob-omb calmly backed up until he stepped to the left right as Xena lunged… as she fell into a trap and fell into a cannon.
"There we go." King Bob-omb chuckled as he pulled the cannon up and aimed directly for Toad Town. "Aaaand goodbye! The impact will kill you-"
"Wait, your highness!" A Bob-omb came running toward him.
"Yes, what is it?"
"Do you think Toad Town is a good idea? Suppose if she survives the impact, she'll just keep coming back just to try and kill you."
"Hmm…" King Bob-omb stroked his mustache. "That is a good idea… where do you propose we should shoot her at?"
"How about shooting her into the arctic tundra? By the time she'll come around, she'll already be frozen and she'll freeze to death. No one will come for her."
"Yes… that will work! Much better than my original plan!" King Bob-omb chuckled as he changed the directory and added more firepower to it. "Trajectory?"
"The arctic tundra. She'll be in a massive snowbank."
"Good enough!" King Bob-omb smirked as he pulled the trigger, sending Xena flying as she screamed. "Happy travels!"
Once at the arctic tundra…
Xena came flying in and slammed into a snowbank, knocking her out for a few moments. She immediately climbed out of the snowbank. "Mmmph! That asshole… he definitely has a superiority complex…"
She looked around, seeing nothing but snow everywhere… not to mention the temperatures were freezing. "Brrr…" She shivered. "I need to get warm… find a town… something."
She walked through the frozen tundra, trying to find somewhere to stay… but unfortunately, the cold was making her disoriented as she breathed heavily, looking around and seeing the same scenery except for when her feet were trudging through the snow.
"Nnngh… I… I need to… find… some… place to…"
Xena collapsed into the snow, her vision getting blurry as she looked up to see a figure approaching her. "H-help…" She whispered as she closed her eyes.
Snap!
Crackle!
"Gah!" Xena sat up, startled by the noise as she looked around, seeing that she was in a room that had a fireplace inside of it. "Where… where am I?"
"Ah, I see you're awake." A voice said as she looked up to see Esdeath.
"Wh-who…?"
"I'm General Esdeath, I'm General Ironwood's adoptive daughter." Esdeath said gently as she knelt down. "We caught wind of something entering our land so I went to investigate, and it's a good thing I did otherwise you would've been dead."
Xena sighed, rubbing her forehead as she felt something cold. She pulled her hands back to see them made entirely of ice.
"Yeah… severe frostbite got to you. I had to replace all your hands and feet for that, aaand part of your ears. Surprisingly, your nose wasn't affected." Esdeath conjured up ice. "I'm a master of ice, that's my semblance." She said. "...What is your name, by the way?"
"X-Xena Ayami… where am I?"
"You're in Atlas. Where are you from?"
"Bob-omb Village… it's a village in the Mushroom Kingdom…" Xena said. "I'm… the only survivor." She teared up. "This tyrant came and destroyed everyone in a war… bombarding my village and killing everyone, even my family… I tried to stop him but he shot me out of a cannon all the way over here…"
"Oh my gosh…" Esdeath whispered as she sat down next to her and gave her a warm embrace. She's just like me… except it was Grimm who destroyed everything. She thought to herself while Xena cried in her chest. "Shhh, it's going to be okay… I'm here."
She gently looked her in the eyes. "You're welcome to stay here for as long as you'd like. Do you need anything? I can make something for you."
"I'm… not hungry right now."
"That's fine." Esdeath whispered, caressing her hair and then the door opened as Ironwood walked in.
"Hoo, what a day…" He said as he turned his head to see Xena. "Oh… um… hello there. Esdeath…?"
"One sec." Esdeath said as she got up and walked toward Ironwood, grabbing him by the wrist. "You. Me. Kitchen. Now." She dragged him away.
"Oh!" He yelped.
Esdeath dragged him until they were out of earshot. "Okay, we're good."
"Sooo… I take it that's-"
"The one who entered Atlesian atmosphere, yes."
"What's she doing here all alone?"
"She was shot out of a cannon. Apparently there's a war going on in a far away land that she tried to stop after this tyrant destroyed everything she loved and was sent here instead."
"So she's an orphan."
"Just like me." Esdeath said.
"So… what do we do with her, then?"
"I'll look after her."
"You sure?"
"You took me in after you found me in my village, so I might as well continue that legacy." Esdeath winked.
Ironwood sweatdropped. "I… wouldn't consider that a legacy."
"She needs someone to look after her. I think I'm perfect for the job."
"You're already commanding the Winter Ops. You sure you want to do this?"
"As I recall, you were asked the same question and look how I turned out." Esdeath winked.
"I…" Ironwood raised his finger to interject, but then lowered it. "Fair point. I guess she's your responsibility now."
Esdeath smiled. "I'll take care of her, just like how you did with me." She kissed him on the cheek and walked over to check on Xena.
"Heh… that girl, what am I gonna do with her?" He chuckled.
Esdeath gently sat on the couch and repositioned herself, pulling Xena close to her and putting her head on her chest as she wrapped her arms around her, rubbing her back.
A few days later…
Xena lay in her new bed that was actually in Esdeath's room, sleeping peacefully.
"We need to kill him…"
Who… are you?
"What does it look like, genius! I'm your dark side!"
I… I have a dark side? Why… do you have a different voice than me?
"Hell if I know, but we need to go to Bob-omb Battlefield and kill that jerk!"
What's the point? We're in an unknown area called Atlas and… are we strong enough to defeat him?
"I say we are! We can just shave that mustache to humiliate him!"
How did you even get in me anyway?
"...You know how when mom and dad protected you and you felt something snap within you?"
Yeah?
"I was born at that moment. Your rage awakened me… I'm your dark side, and I took over."
You took over just like that?!
"Yeah! Just like that! And now look at us, he shot us to Atlas and because of that, we lost all our fingers and toes to that jerk! Sure, we got new ones, not to mention our ears look like we have permanent jewelry, but even so! We need to go back and finish him."
We can't… we're too weak. We don't even know where Bob-omb Battlefield even is anymore.
"Not with that attitude! Alright, we've been here for far too long. Their hospitality is nice and all, but we need to kill."
No!
"Yes we do!"
I don't want to!
"You don't have a choice. We need to kill. Kill. KILL!"
"NO!" Xena shot awake, panting in a cold sweat.
"Mmm…? Xena…?" Esdeath woke up from her slumber. "Everything okay over there?"
"N-not really…"
Esdeath immediately climbed out of her bed and climbed into Xena's, wrapping herself around her. "Shhh, it's okay… you just had a bad dream…" She said, gently bringing her back down.
"Esdeath… is… is it possible to have a dark side?"
Esdeath frowned, gently caressing her hair. "Everyone has a dark side. Even the nicer ones if they're pushed against their limit."
"Is… it possible to speak with your dark side?"
Esdeath giggled. "You were just having a bad dream…"
"...Perhaps I was." Xena closed her eyes into Esdeath's breasts, softly sighing as Esdeath closed her eyes and fell asleep, softly kissing her on the forehead.
The next day…
Xena walked around the city with Esdeath accompanying her.
"KILL!"
"Agh!" She clutched her head as Esdeath turned her head.
"Xena?" She wondered with concern. "Are you okay?"
"I… I don't… know…!" She said as her eyes and pupils changed as she stood upright. "...I'm going to kill that son of a bitch."
"Huh?" Esdeath immediately put her hands on her shoulders, taking a good look at her. Her eyes… they're different. And her voice sounded different too.
"Rrrgh… out of my way, Esdeath. I'm going back to Bob-omb Battlefield and slaughter that asshole."
Change of personality… She thought as well. "You're going to have to go through me."
"Fine by me. You look like you won't take a hit!" She said as she punched her, but she caught the fist and sweep kicked her to knock her off her feet, but Esdeath caught her before she slammed into the ground. She picked her up bridal style and headed off to a doctor's office.
Unbeknownst to them, Jacques watched this happen from a car window. "Hmmm…" He narrowed his eyes.
Once at the doctor's office…
"Okay, so here's my diagnosis." The doctor said. "That war that she was in caused her to develop a split personality disorder, and it appears that the other personality is taking over at a whim. Now, my suggestion is that she goes into intensive therapy that will merge these personalities as one again. That way-"
"No."
"Eh?"
"I'm going to squash this myself. Because I feel as if sending her to intensive care will just make things worse."
"Oooor absolutely better, depending on the universe!" Hades chimed in. "Oh, wait, they can't hear me. Never mind!"
"With all due respect, general… I don't think this is a good idea."
"I feel as if it is."
"Alright… if you say so, but if it doesn't work out, you know where to find me."
"Right." Esdeath nodded as she took Xena's hand and walked off, only instead of going home, she went into an alleyway. "This should do."
"What are you-"
Esdeath turned around. "Xena's Dark Side. I wish to speak with you."
Dark Xena took over. "What do you want?" She asked, her arms folded. "By the way, I go by Dark Xena."
"Yeah, lovely. What is your game here, anyway?"
"What do you think? Going back to the Mushroom Kingdom and destroying King Bob-omb… and I'm not going to let anyone get in my way."
"Okay, so say you go back to the Mushroom Kingdom and have your rematch with this tyrant. What then?"
"What then? I'll win. I'll destroy him… he took everything I loved. He destroyed EVERYONE that I cared for. I asked my mother why we moved here and her response was that my father was friends with a Bob-omb and he convinced him to move there because "We're friendly bombs that don't explode!" and let me tell ya, they all frickin' exploded when we were carpet bombed by that tyrant! So I'm going to make sure he feels the same pain as I did… I'm going to break him and I'm going to put him out of his misery."
Esdeath frowned. "What good will it do if you actually destroy him? Will it bring you peace? Will it satisfy you?"
"Absolutely!"
"Will it bring everyone back?"
"...What's this got to do with-"
"Revenge is a poison that consumes you. By the time you're fully consumed and you destroy the person who took everything from you… you'll feel nothing but emptiness."
"And how do you know that?"
"I was the only survivor of my village too… we got attacked by Grimm. My parents, my friends… all of them were wiped out overnight. I was almost killed but my semblance saved me. But… when my adoptive father took me in… I wasn't in the right mindset. I was consumed by those damned Grimm even though I froze them. So I went back to what was left of my village, saw them as icicles and decided to finish the job."
"What did Ironwood do?"
"He watched… I thought it'd feel great that I would finally finish them off. In my rage, I attracted some Grimm as they came for me, but I froze them up too. But…" Esdeath looked away, closing her eyes. "Once I was finished, I… felt empty. The catharsis that I thought I would have never came. That's when my father taught me that revenge can turn you into a monster…"
Esdeath turned to her. "I don't want you to make the same mistake that I did."
"Well, that's fine that you don't feel anything, but I'm not you, Esdeath… I'm going to destroy him." She walked off. "And I'm not going to let you stop me."
Esdeath grabbed her wrist. "I'm not letting you leave."
"Let. Go." Dark Xena snarled.
"No."
"Then you leave me no choice." Dark Xena turned around and screamed, throwing her fist into Esdeath's gut, shoving her into a wall and punched her repeatedly. "You've been a great host, but now it's time we leave and finish the damn job!" She yelled, slugging into her chest and gut as Esdeath stood there and took it.
"Why aren't you defending yourself… DEFEND YOURSELF ALREADY!" She yelled, continuing punching… however her punches got softer with each hit as tears swelled in her eyes. "Why… why won't you…"
She collapsed on her knees as Esdeath knelt down, putting her hand on her shoulder as tears freely fell from Dark Xena's eyes. "He took everything from me… and…"
"You're in agonizing pain…"
Dark Xena looked up. "I… I need help… both of us, just… please just take this pain away from the both of us!" She sobbed as Esdeath wrapped her arms around her as Dark Xena cried on her shoulder.
"Shhh, it's okay…" Esdeath whispered.
"What are we supposed to do…"
"We'll figure this out." Esdeath caressed her cheek.
"Just… take us to therapy. Do away with me, whatever…"
"No, that won't do you any good." Esdeath said. "What we have here is a unique case. A lot of people may see this as something else, but I see this as a broken girl who needs a lot of loves. Actually, scratch that. Two broken girls."
"Huh…?" Dark Xena looked at her.
"Intense therapy will make things worse for you… that's what I think anyway. But I think we can strengthen the both of you."
"You… you see me as-"
"A person. To me, you're more than just a darker personality of Xena. You're you."
Dark Xena teared up again and hugged her tightly as Esdeath returned the hug, kissing her on the forehead. "Thank you…" She whispered.
"You're welcome~ Now come on, let's go back to the store and restock the fridge."
"Right." Dark Xena nodded as the two walked out of the alleyway together.
…Hey, Xena?
"Yeah?"
As strange as it is… I… I don't have it in me to go to King Bob-omb anymore…
"Oh! That's good… by the way, I didn't appreciate being shut out like that."
Sorry… you want to start over? Let us be one?
"Honestly? I'd love that. Two personalities together as one sounds way good to me~!"
Dark Xena smiled. Oh, I got that warm fuzzy feeling in my chest… no… our chests. She said as they walked into the store… right as a limo pulled up with an open window.
"Jacques, what is it that you're doing?" The driver asked.
"I've seen enough. Drive." Jacques ordered as the driver took off.
A few hours later…
"Dark Xena isn't good enough… like, yeah, it's a darker personality, but maybe we can come up with a different name." Esdeath said.
"Like what?" Xena asked. "...Oh, wait, let me have her take over."
"Got any names?" She asked.
"Well, there's a few that popped into my head, so let's see if you like them. Rachel?"
"Nah…"
"Colleen?"
"Ooooh, tempting… I like that but… is there something else?"
"Laura!"
"Ooooh, I love that one!"
"Xena likes it, but I'm leaning toward Collee-"
"How about… Yagami?"
Her eyes sparkled. "Ooooh my goodness, I LOVE that!"
Esdeath smiled. "Yagami, it is."
"You… named the dark personality?" Ironwood asked.
"Yup."
"But why-"
"Because she's her own person, just like the other personality."
Ironwood blinked. "...And you're okay with this?"
"Duh." Yagami smiled as Xena took over.
"We both like it!"
Ironwood chuckled. "Well, I suppose that checks out…" He said as his scroll went off. "Hmm?" He immediately answered it. "This is Ironwood… oh, I see. Very well. I'll bring them with me. Goodbye." He hung up.
"Who was that?" Esdeath asked.
"I don't know why… but apparently the head of the SDC has invited us to dinner, and he wants all of us to be there."
"All of us?" Xena tilted her head.
Later, at the SDC…
"Ah, James! Esdeath! Good to see you both." Jacques said. "And… the puppy." He looked down at Xena who awkwardly rubbed her arm as Esdeath shot him a dirty look. "Come right on in." He said as they walked into the dining hall and sat down, Xena sitting close to Esdeath as some servants came in and handed them their dinner… but when one waiter took the cover off of Xena's plate, her plate was empty.
"Huh?"
The waiter tilted his head in confusion, rubbing his head.
"Oh, my apologies." Jacques said. "We weren't expecting any more guests. Allow me to-"
"Here, eat mine." Esdeath moved her plate. "I'm not that particularly hungry." She shot Jacques a glare.
"Thanks…"
"So, this dinner is quite unexpected. What's the occasion?"
"Can't old friends catch up? Besides, there's been… a disturbance that has me concerned."
"What's that?"
"One of us in this room has a split personality."
Xena immediately froze, nervously swallowing her food.
"Oh, is that so? That's… troubling." Ironwood said.
"Indeed. Wouldn't you agree, young lady?"
"Um… y-yeah, uh… wh-who would have a split personality?"
"...Oh no."
"I'm talking about you. Your actions have been distressing lately. You literally punched Esdeath in the alleyway and she didn't do a thing about it. Why, I saw this when I was in the car, and I was so distressed that I told my family about this… Weiss had a panic attack when I told her."
Weiss stabbed her food with her fork, putting it close to her mouth before pausing. "...I did? I don't remember you telling me about this."
"Oh, wait, did I mean Weiss? I meant Winter."
"I was not told about someone with a split personality."
"Ah, my mistake. Everyone's names starts with W, it's hard to keep track of who's who!" He chuckled. "I meant my wife."
Willow sipped some wine. "...Beg pardon?"
"Whitley!"
"Um… what split personality?"
Jacques frowned. "Okay, I confess… I do not like you. Your split personality is a danger to us all. You're one slip up away from actually hurting someone! You are a constant danger to Atlas!"
"Xena is anything but a danger. The fact that you're threatened by this is absurd." Esdeath said.
"And you are taking care of her." Jacques said. "You're coddling that thing just like you're coddling that mutt in your platoon!"
"That "mutt" has a name… and I will not allow you to talk that way about Seryu or Xena and Yagami."
"Yagami? Who's Yagami?"
"Her other personality."
"You NAMED that other personality?" Jacques asked. "For the love of Oum, Esdeath… your antics are something else. It's bad enough that James picked you up from what happened to your village but now you're-"
"You want to repeat that?" Ironwood glared.
Jacques cleared his throat. "Apologies. I am just concerned for Atlas's well being. Having that thing run around with a split personality is a threat to Atlas!"
"Oh, so NOW you're calling regular humans "things"?!" Esdeath growled, ice surrounding her hands.
"I can call it however I see it! Those with split personalities are on par with Faunus!"
"Her entire village was carpet bombed by a tyrant during a war and she developed a split personality. They need love. Not disdain."
"They? You think that split personality is a person?"
"Of course they are!"
"Well, I don't! Xena is a threat to Atlas and will continue to be if we do not put her DOWN!"
Immediately, they heard a chair being scooted back as they looked to see Xena walking away in tears.
"She knows I'm right." Jacques said.
"There's a place for people like you." Esdeath walked off, chasing after Xena.
Ironwood sighed in annoyance. "Dammit, Jacques…"
Esdeath walked outside, spotting Xena crying by herself on the porch as she sat down next to her. "Am I… just a freak?"
"No… you're not." Esdeath said gently, pulling her in close. "You're anything but that. You two are more than that. Both of you are unique, and that's what I love about you two. Yes, you're split personalities, but you're more than that to me. To my father… don't listen to Jacques, he's always a grouch."
"We can tell…" Xena mumbled.
"Hey." A soft voice spoke up as they turned to see Weiss approaching. "Xena, right?"
"Yeah…"
"Don't… worry about him. He always thinks he knows what's best for Atlas, but we can all tell that he's in it for the money. I'm actually the heiress of this company, and frankly, I have plans to undo everything he's done."
"Good for you…"
"Here, this will make you feel better." Weiss handed her a chocolate bar. "It's chocolate."
Xena took it and then took a bite, a smile forming on her face.
"So… you have a split personality? Can I see it?" Weiss asked as Xena hesitated before she took a deep breath and had Yagami take over. "...So you're Yagami."
"Yes. You probably think I'm-"
"Gorgeous? Cute?"
Yagami looked at her in surprise. "What?"
"Who cares what he thinks? You seem like a nice girl… broken from this war that you were in, but you're not evil. Not to me. You're just like everyone else."
A tear fell from Yagami's eye as she hugged Weiss. "Thanks… Weiss."
"You're welcome." Weiss smiled as Yagami pulled away.
"You can thank mom for saving the both of u-... I mean, Esdeath… I mean… uh…"
Esdeath looked at her in surprise before smiling. "I have been acting motherly to you these past few days, haven't I?"
"Yeah…"
Esdeath giggled. "I'd be happy to be your mother, and you being my daughters." She hugged her tightly.
"Awww!" Weiss smiled.
"Hey." Another voice said as Winter came down with a plate full of brownies. "This might cheer you up."
"I got cookies if you want some!" Whitley smiled.
"I got punch!" Willow said, and then noticed she held a wine glass. "...With… a kick to it… I'll be right back." She took off.
"You see us for who we are underneath." Yagami smiled as Xena took over.
"Thanks…" Xena smiled as the Schnees hugged her.
A few days later…
Xena clapped her hands, closing her eyes as she was deep in concentration as Esdeath watched on, together with a curious Weiss, Seryu, Sheele and Kurome.
"What's she doing?" Sheele asked.
"I've been training her the past few days. Thought she might need an extra boost." Esdeath said as an icy aura surrounded her, opening her eyes as she unleashed ice shards everywhere, conjuring up snowballs and throwing them everywhere. "In fact, I helped them unlock their semblances."
"Both personalities have their own semblance?" Kurome asked.
"Yeah. Xena has ice under her belt, while Yagami…"
Yagami took over as the ice and snow immediately turned into fire, where she manipulated the flames as she shot it into the air as the fire exploded and sent fireballs raining down, then Xena took over and snapped her fingers, as the fire turned into snowflakes as it gently snowed around them.
"Whoa!" Seryu said with her eyes sparkling.
"Ice and fire. Apparently, when we were training, Yagami decided to switch and to our surprise, the ice turned to fire. Fitting, if I say so myself." Esdeath chuckled.
Xena turned to Esdeath. "What can we say… we have a great teacher helping us out. And a great mom too."
Esdeath smiled as the two of them embraced, Xena kissing her on the cheek while Esdeath returned the favor on her forehead.
A few weeks later…
"Hmhmhmhmhm…" Jacques hummed, sitting down to enjoy his tea.
"Your paper, sir." A servant said as he handed him the newspaper.
"Ah, thank you." Jacques nodded as the servant walked off. He took a sip of his tea while reading the newspaper, and did a spit take on his computer. "WHAT?!"
"Xena/Yagami duo become new Winter Ops chosen by Esdeath herself. The whole team is estat-"
Jacques angrily ripped the newspaper up. "THAT THING DOES NOT BELONG IN THE MILITARY! NOT ONLY IS IT TOO YOUNG, BUT IT'S A THREAT TO ATLAS'S MILITARY!" He yelled.
With a snarl, Jacques pulled out his scroll. "You give me no other choice, Esdeath." He said.
"Hello?"
"How soon can a few of your actors get to Atlas? There's something I need to exploit for the good of my city."
A few days later…
"I don't know if I can go on…" Seryu said as she walked alongside the streets together with Sheele and Xena. "All of this torment… all this bullying… it's enough to make one go crazy."
"Honestly, we feel the same way… but we don't let that bother us." Xena said. "Some people think we're freaks and we're only in it because of nepotism, but whatever. It comforts us that we know the majority is not like that. Helps that mom told us that too."
"Yeah, but you two aren't a Faunus…" Seryu mumbled as Sheele took her hand.
"We're right here, Seryu." Sheele said gently, where Seryu smiled back.
"-Of all the nerve!"
They looked across the street to see two people arguing.
"Lover's quarrel?" Yagami wondered.
"No idea…" Xena said as the girls looked at her. "Oh, Yagami was wondering if it's a lover's quarrel."
"Probably." Sheele said.
"Don't you walk away from me like that, you bitch! We can still work this out!"
"Drop dead! My mother was right about you, you ugly bastard!"
"WHAT did you say to me?!" He yelled, slapping her as hard as he could, knocking her into the streets.
"Oh shit!" Xena said as they immediately ran across the street, Seryu helping her up.
"Okay, what's the meaning of this?" Sheele asked. "That was extremely uncalled for."
"This bitch cheated on me for her cousin!"
"IT WAS A HUG!"
"A hug too long!"
"Okay, break it up!" Seryu got between the two, as the man's fist clenched. Xena took notice of this and shifted her eyes to where Seryu's trajectory would land her.
"How about you mind your own business, you bitch!" He said, shoving her back that caused her to fall… and landed in snow instead of smacking her head against the fire hydrant.
"Seryu!" Sheele got near her. "Are you hurt?"
"Nah… just a little cold." Seryu said, brushing the snow off of her as Yagami took over where she manipulated the flames surrounding the two.
"Alright, you two. You have some explaining to do." Yagami said coldly.
"Like we'll ever tell you!" The man said as the flames got closer to his neck.
"Don't make me lose my temper… it'll only make the flames hotter." She said as the man gulped. "Now, I'm not going to repeat myself."
"Get your flames away from my brother!" The lady said as the flames circled around her neck.
"Brother? I thought he was your husband!"
The lady grimaced. "I… I meant to say husba-"
"My patience is running thin. Tell me or you two will be finding yourselves in fireplaces when I'm done with you."
A few minutes later, at the SDC…
Jacques poured himself a glass of wine in his study. "Hmhmhm~"
SLAM!
"JACQUES!"
"Gah!" He yelped, nearly spilling his drink as he saw Esdeath glaring at him. "Oh, hello Esdeath."
"What. the. HELL. is WRONG WITH YOU?!"
"What exactly do you mean?" Jacques asked as the "couple" were thrown into his study and was greeted by Yagami, joined by Seryu and Sheele as well.
"You were trying to hurt one of my own, weren't you? You were trying to exploit my daughters into doing something horrible that would make you justified in doing whatever the hell you want!" Esdeath glared.
"Whatever do you mea-"
"The jig is up, Jacques…" The man groaned. "The fire lady found us out…"
Jacques' eyes widened. "Now… hold on a moment…"
"Based on where they were fighting, I probably would have hit my head on the fire hydrant and I probably would've gone crazy." Seryu glared. "Just when I thought you couldn't sink any lower…"
"We know you don't like us, but this is despicable." Yagami growled as she conjured up fire as it flew over to him. "We've half a mind to burn you up right now… but you're not worth killing. So instead-"
The fire formed into a hand as it grabbed the wine glass and splashed it all over Jacques, then grabbed the wine bottle and smacked it on his head to ruin his suit even further after it shattered.
"Agh!" He yelped as the fire hand then flipped him off and then disappeared.
"Good look for you." Yagami said as she walked off.
"Try to exploit my daughters again… and I won't be so merciful next time." Esdeath threatened, kicking him square in the crotch as he screamed, falling to the ground as she walked off together with Sheele and Seryu.
Sheele closed the door behind her. "That… could've been messy."
Esdeath sighed as Xena took over again. "Unbelievable…" She mumbled.
"So… you guys want to patrol Mantle to get our minds off things?" Xena asked.
"Oh, absolutely." Seryu said.
"I'm game." Sheele nodded.
"Honestly? I'd love that." Esdeath smiled as they walked off.
Once at Mantle…
The four of them patrolled Mantle, all of them keeping an eye out for anything and taking out the occasional Grimm that tried to ambush them.
At one point, Xena walked by a nearby trash can as it started moving. "Huh?" Xena turned her head as the trash can jostled about. She cautiously approached the trash can as a ice javelin formed in her hand.
"A Geist?"
"One way to find out…"
She opened up the trash lid… only to discover it wasn't a Geist at all. "What the…?"
"Daru?"
Xena pulled out a Galarian Darumaka. "What the heck are you… and why were you in that trash can?"
"Darumaka Ma ma Maka Da!"
"We… don't speak your language." Xena said as she took a closer look at him. "Scrapes and bruises… you're hurt! Where's your family?"
"Daruma…"
"Someone abused you and abandoned you?"
The Darumaka nodded.
Xena pulled him close to her chest. "Don't worry, we'll take care of you."
"What ya got there?" Esdeath approached.
"A creature. We're not sure what it is, but… it looks hurt." Xena showed her the Darumaka who was hugging her.
"Oh, it's so cute! Poor thing… come on, we'll get it looked at and… hey, since it's attached to you, you might as well keep it!"
"We were planning on it~!" Xena smiled as they walked off.
Meanwhile, at Bob-omb Battlefield…
"Any status reports?" King Bob-omb asked.
"Negative. We seem to be at a stalemate."
"Bah… increase our firepower."
"Yes sir!"
At that moment, a phone went off as King Bob-omb pulled it up. "Hmmm?" He answered it. "Hello?"
"Is this the tyrant of Bob-omb Battlefield?"
"Indeed I am. Who is this that is addressing me?"
"That is of no concern. But perhaps you could do me a favor."
"Oh?"
At Jacques's study…
"Yes…" Jacques turned around in his chair. "I was wondering if you could come to Atlas and… take care of a certain problem for me."
"Bum bum buuuuum! Cliffhanger! See y'all later!"
So, if I may direct y'all's attention away from the sheer insanity that was today's RWBY episode... I'm here to tell y'all what I thought about the Mario Movie! What did I think of it? I thought it was absolutely AMAZING! Seriously, it was a massive love letter to the Mario franchise and I loved the HELL out of it! The music, the scenery, the easter eggs, all of it! It was spectacular! I give it a 9.5/10! I wouldn't mind watching this again because it was BEAUTIFUL!
Ibuki: Beautifully AWESOME!
Oh hey! You guys are back! How was it?
Deadpool: Amazing!
Ibuki: Awesome! Chiaki-chan was geeking out the whole time. It was adorable!
I bet it was! Oh, and this What If idea is credited to Jacob!