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Chapter 583 Sounds Like Good-bye

"

Scarlett was just waking up when her cell phone rang. It was the hospital. Tara was awake and wanted to talk to her before she went into surgery. Jax and Scarlett dressed hastily and hurried down to the hospital.

Tara was still in ICU hooked up to an IV when they arrived. She was pale, but managed a smile when she saw Jax and Scarlett walk into the room.

"I'm sorry, Scarlett, for putting you in charge of my medical decisions without asking."

"It's OK. I know you had limited options. I had you made a no contact patient, so no one will know you are here."

"And that's why I put you in charge," Tara said with a grateful smile.

"Not sure how you are going to feel about the next thing I did. I sent Steve away. Told him you would be so out of it with the surgeries, there was no point in hanging around. He is telling people you were in an accident and are in Queen of the Valley Hospital in Napa. Even if St. Thomas calls trying to find you, they'll think they aren't releasing your name for privacy reasons. You can make me the bad guy for sending Steve away."

Tara shook her head. She adjusted the bed so she was sitting up.

"No, that was the right call. I need to end things with him, but I'm not up to it and I don't want him to think I'm not grateful. I remember everything and the way he shot at the driver to keep him from running over me; I'd be road kill if it weren't for him."

"When Steve called me, he told me that your last words before you passed out were to contact David. I called him and I'm meeting with him sometime this morning. Do you still want me to share the information you gave me?"

"Absolutely. David is the only cop I trust. I know SAMCRO owns Unser, but he might have a couple more owners out there."

"Hale is a pain in the ass, but he's honest," Jax conceded.

"OK. I'll keep my meeting with him. He's coming to the hospital."

"I'll probably be in surgery for awhile. It's going to take some time to put my leg back together. I'm glad you waited for the orthopedist. I know him and he's outstanding."

A brunette nurse in green scrubs poked her head in the door.

"We're going to take you down to pre-op in a few minutes," the nurse said.

"Jax, I'd like to talk to you for a few minutes."

"I'll leave," Scarlett said.

"You don't have to. I'm not going to say anything you can't hear."

"It's OK. I'll be down in the cafeteria."

Jax nodded and took a seat next to Tara's bedside.

"Don't worry," she said with a small smile, "I'm not going to tell you I'm madly in love with you or anything like that."

"Good to know," Jax said with his own small smile.

"I'm sure I'll be fine after the surgery . . ." she said her voice trailing off. "I'm glad you found Scarlett. She's perfect with you. I'm glad you came with her to give her moral support."

"Yeah, Scarlett has brought so much happiness to me. It's a little scary," he admitted.

"I've been thinking a lot. Almost dying has given me clarity. I have been desperate to fall in love. I took our friendship for true love when it was a sexual friendship. I do love you but except more like a brother except for the sex part," she finished awkwardly with a nervous chuckle.

"Yeah, I get that. I feel the same. You kept me from giving in to some of my worst tendencies until I grew up, matured a little and got my temper mostly under control. I'm glad we can still be friends."

"That's thanks to Scarlett. If she were the jealous possessive type, it wouldn't work. She trusts you. I never did. I think that was because deep down inside, I knew we didn't have romantic love. I was always insecure that you were going to leave me. I never felt I was pretty enough for you."

"That's nonsense," Jax said. "I could never make you feel secure and after awhile, I just got tired of always trying. Deep down, I kind of enjoyed your jealousy."

"I've always been the misfit nerdy girl, but when we were together, I was suddenly cool because I was with you. I loved that. You made me feel like someone and for the first time in my life, I belonged. I fit in."

"You fit in with the smart kids."

"True," she smiled ruefully, "but they weren't as much fun as the cool kids in your clique."

"Never really gave being in the cool clique much thought."

"I have made some terrible choices trying to find the kind of love you have with Scarlett. No more. I'm going to make better choices. I just am dreading facing Steve."

"I can help with that. We talked a little bit yesterday. He likes you a lot, but he isn't in love with you. Deep down he was relieved he didn't have to hang around the hospital."

"Good. He's nice, but I just am not feeling it. To be blunt, I would have ended things with him if I didn't have this trip and wanted his protection. That's what I do," Tara said bitterly. "I use men for protection. I think that was part of the reason I came back to Charming. I knew you would help me with Kohn because we still have that strong bond of friendship."

"It's about time to go," the nurse said poking her head into Tara's room again.

"OK," she said. "Thank you for everything, Jax."

"This isn't good-bye," Jax scoffed. "You're going to be fine."

"Yeah," she said softly. "I will."

Jax heard the doubt in her voice and wondered if the doctors had told Tara something she didn't want them to know.

Looking for a Christmas story? Check out Tara's Perfectly Imperfect Christmas and Unexpected Christmas. Tara is in them, but she is different from the show Tara. The first is high school Jax and Tara and the second is the story of Tara coming home for Christmas when she's in college and both are under my other name MVeneer.