cw: transphobia/homophobia, basically a bunch of bigoted and hateful talking points come up in this chapter, ones that are more than familiar if you've spent time on the internet or like, existed
enjoy the chapter and be safe out there

Scarlet Justice - ep. 82
"Dirty Water"

We finish our lunch, clean up, and continue our journey through the countryside. The next set of checkpoints are innocuous-looking boxes set on the side of roads in the open. A technical difficulty comes up and we stop to see if I can fix it. If not, the next checkpoint will be waiting.

"It will take a few minutes to properly reset. Once it does, I'll try again and see if we can get that signal to go up," I say. "Everyone can rest in the meantime."

Naruto flops back onto the grass nearby while Futaba sighs and crosses her arms.

"Captain? Is it okay if I have a word with you?" Yuno asks.

"You can have as many as you like. Come over for a moment, yes?"

"Yes, ma'am."

We cross over to the other side of the road. Futaba gives us a look but soon turns her head away.

"What was it you needed, darling? Is everything alright?"

"Mostly, yeah. I just wanted to thank you for...accepting me as I am. I know it must have caused you trouble."

"Not at all. You're very welcome, Yuno."

"I, um...I'm okay with being called a guy, since I am and all. But I'm more...undecided. I like to present myself as feminine. It started as something silly. A friend of mine thought I would look really cute as a girl, and while I gave it thought, I was really afraid of doing anything like that. I used to get teased a lot because I looked a little too pretty for a guy before. But I was still a guy in everyone's eyes, you know?"

"Mm, I see."

"Yeah. So we tried it out. I had the makeup on, got some girl's clothes...went all the way with everything. I saw myself in the mirror and my heart kind of just...stopped. Not literally, but I was so confused and amazed at the same time. The person in the mirror was the same person I had seen in my dreams. The same person I wished I could become. After that day, I started changing myself in secret, going out at nights, chatting with people who didn't know who I was."

"And then you decided to show your true self to everyone."

"They all hated it. My parents kicked me out of the house. That friend...she tried to help, but she's mutual friends with Futaba. You might have noticed how she's been looking at me. As soon as I got my promotion, my team split up. My sensei hasn't spoken to me since. It was hard getting experience...nobody wanted to be seen with me, aside from some local creeps. Sorry. You don't want to hear my sob story."

"Listening is what a good leader does. And you've been waiting a long time to talk about this, I can tell. It's perfectly fine."

"I don't know who I truly want to be yet. Mom and Dad say they'll let me back in the house once I get over my 'phase' as they keep calling it. And for a while, I was thinking that it really was just a phase. That maybe, if I just stopped and got some help, everything would get back to normal. But that never happened. It's been a year now, I think. I do this every day, and it feels natural. Like it makes sense."

"You don't have to be normal. Just yourself. Things will be difficult, surely. But you will make it through if you believe in yourself. You are beautiful, inside and out."

"You really think so?"

"You are fabulous, my dear," I say with a smile. "Those other bitches are just jealous. They can stay mad for as long as you live, don't let it get you down."

"I won't. Promise."

"Good. And if you ever need anything, come and find me. I do hope you're not living in some hovel within the village, or shacked up with a creepy man."

"I've got a decent place uptown. Believe me, I met my fair share of creeps. Thanks for...just caring. Just this much means a lot, Captain."

"Lili is fine in private."

"Lili, then. I'll be sure to call on you if I do need anything."

I think for a moment. "Actually...there's someone you can contact right away once we get back to the village. I'll give you her number, she's one of the Hyuuga girls. Don't tell anyone, but I've managed to get a cabal under my control."

"Wow...you really are an elite, like I kept hearing."

"Most of the rumours are true."

"Like how you seduced Tsume Inuzuka's daughter?"

"That one is still floating around, I see. No, I haven't done such a thing." Well, not yet.

"Hm. I guess you can't believe everything you hear."

"Certainly not. Hold a moment, dear. Naruto? Could you come here?"

"Yeah!" He jumps up and speeds over to us. "What's up?"

"Yuno here has something to tell you."

"I...do?"

"Yes. You do," I say with a deliberate look.

"Oh." He takes a deep breath in. "Right. Um, Naruto...I have to tell you the truth. I'm...actually a guy."

"..."

Naruto raises a brow and looks at me. I nod and he looks at Yuno.

"Really? Again?"

"...eh?"

"I thought you would have noticed sooner," I say.

"I dunno. I mean...Haku was sorta more like a guy than this, I think?" Naruto tilts his head to one side in thought. "Hmm..."

"What's...going on?" Yuno asks. "What does 'again' mean?"

"Oh, sorry! You look like another person I met a while ago. His name was Haku. Haku...Yuki, I think. Part of a clan in the Mist that disappeared."

"A bloodline limit user?"

"Yeah, he used ice and junk. How'd you know?"

"The Hidden Mist used to purge those with special abilities."

"That's what he said, too. You don't have one of those, do you?"

Yuno smiles apologetically. "Afraid not. Just a normal, non-bloodline limit shinobi."

"Ah, okay. That's fine, too. Anyways...yeah, Haku was someone I ended up fighting, and he died protecting the person he cared about the most in the world. The very first time we met, he tricked us and disappeared. But he was wearing a mask, see. So we met another time while I was training in the forest, and I didn't know who it was that I was talking to at that point. I didn't want to admit it, but he looked way prettier than Sakura did. Most girls, really! Aside from Lili and Hinata, of course. Hehe."

"You can stroke my ego properly later, but I appreciate it all the same," I say.

"So yeah! That's why I'm not super shocked that you're a guy. You look even prettier than he did, honestly. Which is alright." He shrugs. "Don't feel any two ways about it in the end."

"I see. Thank you, Naruto. For the compliments and everything else," Yuno says while blushing.

"No problem! Uh...the other girl is like, a girl...right?"

"Yes, Naruto. Futaba is a girl," I say to him.

"Okay, cool. Things get confusing sometimes, you know."

"Speak for yourself. This one has a perverted jutsu that he's trying to get me to help with."

"Dunno why she's being so stubborn. I mean, she'd get something out of it, too..."

"It's vulgar. Unbecoming of refined ladies such as myself."

He leans towards Yuno. "Better watch out, she might be all over you by the end of the day."

"I can hear you, Blondie."

"Nyeh."

I hear a beeping come from the other side of the road. Seems like the device is ready.

"Let's send the signal and continue on our way. If we go at a good pace, we should make it to our destination by nightfall. Camping is nice, but I'd like a warm bed if possible," I say as I punch in the appropriate code. A green light goes on to indicate success, and I close the cover over the keypad.

"Lili likes to spring for inn rooms," Naruto explains.

"Really? Are those expenses part of the mission?" Yuno asks.

"Nope! Out of pocket, because she's loaded. She likes to treat us to whatever we want. Eh...sometimes it's a lot. You kind of feel like a kid, and with us shinobi being all independent and rugged and junk, it's a weird feeling. But you get used to it."

"I see. It's really generous."

"That's just how she is. Pretty cool, if you ask me."

"Yeah. Very cool."

"Let's continue on our journey. Is everyone ready?" I ask. After getting a positive response, we take off down the road towards our next destination.

The last checkpoint was an hour ago, and evening is shifting into night slowly. We've reached the town, our final destination. The border between Fire and River is not far away from this modern-looking little settlement, and we walk through it comfortably in single line formation, underneath the street lights as they flicker to life.

"I'll be inside for a bit. Make your rounds and keep your eyes open."

We go our separate ways as I ascend the steps to the front door and knock. I can hear a small bit of shuffling before the door opens. A woman of middle age, with long black hair and glasses that have thin rectangular frames. She dresses neatly in a cardigan with dress pants.

"You made it in good time," she says with a smile.

"I'm glad that I met expectations."

"Same here. Come on in, I'll get you a cool drink while I review those documents."

"Thank you." I step inside and remove my footwear, stepping into a pair of slippers at the front entrance. She leads me down the narrow hallway and past the living area towards the kitchen. It's a cozy little house, something that I could see myself living in one day.

I take the satchel off and remove the package from it, handing it to her. She sits down at the kitchen table and slides a glass to me filled with cool green tea. I take a sip and sit down myself, watching as she opens the package and inspects it, then flips through the documents that were inside of the manila folder.

"Beautiful. This is like a hundred gold bars dropped into my lap. Wasn't difficult getting here, was it?"

"Not at all. Everything worked perfectly. How are you doing so far?"

"Hanging in there. I've got three more months before I get a break." She smiles and gives me a playful look. "Gonna go up to Hot Water Village and play around in the hot springs. Help myself to a few pool boys while I'm there."

I laugh quietly. "Seems you know what you want out of life."

"I'm definitely not getting any younger. Might as well make the most of it while I can. Papers look excellent, no issues. Those little annoyances from our friends to the north will be taken care of, along with some other things."

"Be safe, won't you?"

"Only if you do the same. Make sure you rest for the night, the inn here is clean."

"Thank you." I finish my tea and the woman hands me a scroll, which I put into my satchel. We give each other a knowing nod as I leave, heading down the street where our team gathers together again.

"We'll call it a night here," I say.

"Staying in a public place like this isn't all that secure," Futaba says. "Not to make any decisions for you, ma'am."

"The inn is fine. We've had some recon done on it, from what I know. There's no reason to take a moonlight stroll or sleep in the woods. We'll have a light snack, go to sleep, and then leave in the morning. Very simple. Objections, Miss Azuma?"

"No, ma'am."

"Then that's all. I will take care of the accommodations. For the sake of safety, we'll pair off into one room each."

We walk to the inn a few blocks away, situated near the middle of this small town. I imagine that it's one of the main sources of revenue here, that and the printing businesses that we've passed along the way. But there's probably something else keeping this town going, perhaps a steady stream of funding from the Leaf itself.

There's an elderly gentleman manning the front desk. He takes the payment I give him upfront graciously and hands us two keys in return, one of which I pass off to Yuno.

"It's a terrible thing to ruin the mystique of it all, but...Naruto, you'll be with Yuno tonight."

"Cool. You, uh...don't need me to do anything special, right?" he asks Yuno.

"Nothing like that," he says with a smile. "I might be late to bed because of all the stuff I have to take care of. Is that okay?"

"No problem. I sleep like a rock anyways, heh. Oh, we can split that big sandwich I've got lying around, too!"

"Sounds good. I guess we'll see you in the morning then, Captain."

"Yes, of course. A pleasant night to you both."

"I'm going to get a snack," Futaba says. "If that's okay, ma'am."

"Yes, it's fine. I will see you upstairs."

We go our separate ways. I pass Naruto and Yuno as they open their door, already chattering away like old friends. My room is about two doors down. Plain, but far from a monastic experience. I take a shower and wrap myself in one of the provided towels before relaxing in a chair.

These are the times where one simply empties their mind and...stops thinking about most everything else. It's soothing and peaceful. Makes the world feel smaller than it actually is.

"..."

There is that small looking void that I used to wander into. I haven't since I became a shinobi. It's not fear, it's something else. A reluctance, perhaps? No...something other than that. Protection. From what, exactly? Is this where I buried my memories?

I shouldn't touch that right now. Another time...

I rise at the first knock on the door. Futaba is on the other side according to the chakra signature, but I cautiously approach anyways so that she can feel comfortable. Rules and regulations are what keep her sane, it seems.

"Welcome back. How was dinner?" I ask.

"Fine, ma'am." She tries to hide her fluster as she looks at me, before heading inside as I close the door.

"The shower is free, I just had mine earlier. I won't be heading out tonight...not very hungry, it seems."

"That's fine, ma'am. May I...ask a question?"

"You have permission to speak as freely as you like, Futaba."

"Is...that so?"

"Yes." I look at her and she looks back at me, the electric lamps casting a dull glow across the room. Her hands are at her sides, fists starting to ball up with her frustration. "You won't be in any trouble for speaking your mind. From a mission standpoint, at least."

"Do you know about Yuno?"

"Yes, I figured it out within a minute of our meeting. It's why I sent him to stay with Naruto...they're the only pair that would make sense at this point. You obviously don't like him, and putting you in a room with a boy would offend your sensibilities. Shame, that."

"And you're...okay with that?"

"Yes."

"How? Why? Don't you know what he is?"

"A person," I say flatly. "Or do you mean to say that he's not actually a human being? Maybe a member of one of the animal kingdoms in disguise? That would be interesting on top of everything else-"

"He's an abomination."

I roll my eyes. "A touch dramatic, no?"

"What else would you call someone like that? Girls are girls and guys are guys," Futaba argues. "He's trying to be both. He's trying to get away with being a cute, frail little girl and then every night, he gets to go home and strip off his makeup and take off that skirt and suddenly he's a man again. I bet he fed you garbage about how persecuted he is. About how his parents kicked him out for being a deviant."

I put up my hair as she speaks. "I wouldn't know. And it would be confidential if I did know, somehow."

"How is it that you can be okay with a...a freak like that? A pervert who walks around in women's clothing and fakes being a girl. What about me? I have to be a girl every day of my life. I don't get to turn it on and off. I don't get to go through school being accepted just for being a man, I had to deal with my parents trying to get me to drop out of the Academy because they wanted me to have grandkids. And being a kunoichi is too hard and too dangerous, especially compared to being a housewife with three kids and a rich husband. What part of that is fair?"

"It's not fair. I don't see what that has to do with Yuno."

"He's wrong!" she says frantically. "Everything about him is wrong! Everything he does and says makes no sense! It's his fault he has no friends! It's his fault he's not respected! It's his fault for choosing to be a fucking sicko cross-dressing pervert, and nothing he says or does will change that! All he needs to do is get some professional help, take off that fucking makeup, cut his hair, and stop pretending that he doesn't have a dick when he does! He's stealing from us! From women! And as long as he continues to act the way he does, he deserves every bit of scorn he gets! All of it!"

I wait for Futaba to calm down, watching as her fists loosen and the tears come down her face.

"Is that all?"

She looks at me with disbelief.

"What...?"

"I asked if you were finished. Do you have more to say?" I repeat.

"Don't...you care? Are you one of them, too?"

"Them...what does that mean, exactly?"

"People like him. Those...deviants."

"You mean the gays and the lesbians. Those, right?"

"Yes..."

I shrug. "What does it matter to you? I don't have to be a lesbian to support the rights of my fellow man. Is that what you think? That I need to be like those people to have empathy towards them? That sounds quite silly, don't you think?"

"I...I don't know."

"You're allowed to hold whatever views you like. What your parents have taught you, what you absorb from community leaders...that is out of my control. And educating you isn't something that I'm obligated to do either. Offering some sort of detailed rebuttal to all of your nonsense is ultimately a waste of time. Your mind is swimming in twisted thoughts. Panicking because you saw another girl's bare flesh."

She stifles herself for a moment. "I-I didn't...it was just..."

"Indecent."

"Yes! I'm not a lesbian! I don't have filthy thoughts about other women, not at all! Why would you even-"

"Why would I what? Tempt you? Lead you astray? What was it that I said, Futaba?"

"I...but I..." Her mouth flaps open and closed, and intelligible sounds cease to come through. She's shaking, on the verge of tears once more as she scrambles to defend her vision of the world.

"Think what you like. Believe what you like. But in my presence, you don't get to express those views. It's garbage. Trash. All of it. Yuno did not choose his life. He did not choose his feelings. He is not taking anything from you, he is not a threat to you. He is a human being, a person just like you. And you are going to treat him as such, at least while I'm here. Do you understand?"

"..."

"I asked if you understood, Futaba. You can be as poisonous as you want in your home, with your friends and family. But here, you don't get to do that. You will treat every person that you see and talk to with respect until they have clearly demonstrated that they have forfeited that right. So answer: do you understand what I am saying?"

"Yes...yes, m-ma'am," she says through her tears.

I sigh and take a seat on the bed. "You were already intolerable enough. A worthless bootlicker...now I find out you're a bigot on top of that. What a mess."

"I don't...I don't want..."

"..."

She's stuck where she is, shaking and crying. I understand that there's more to it than her just being a rigid traditionalist. She's scared and confused. She doesn't know what to think or feel, and is clinging to everything she's been taught and everything she knows. There's the jealousy, the anger, the feeling of betrayal perhaps. A complex web of things, complicated by our society.

Seeing shadows everywhere she goes. Wondering if this or that will taint her forever. Wandering into dark and painful places. What she's said is disgusting. The truth is that she has also been wounded. Both are true.

To see her values rejected and called out for the trash that they are...that is the first step. She might not change at all after this. This display of emotion could very well be a simple outpouring of frustration at not being validated the way she wanted to be.

"Go and take your shower. You'll calm down in a minute or so," I say to her. She nods stiffly and heads into the bathroom. An hour passes before she comes out, and I've taken to reading mission reports while I wait.

"Do you feel better?" I ask.

"I...don't."

"That's unfortunate. Let me know when you're ready for bed and I'll stop my reading."

"..."

Another hour passes in silence. Futaba shuffles around a bit and leaves before returning in her sweater.

"Are...you going to change?" she asks.

"Change into what?"

"Clothing...?"

"My towel is secure enough. I'll sleep like this. Honestly, what the hell is your problem? Do you think I'm going to rape you? Fuck off already," I say to her.

"S-sorry...I didn't mean..." She sighs. "I'm ready to sleep now...please."

"Alright." I put away my notebook and hop down from the bed.

"What are you doing?" Futaba asks.

"Helping you sleep. You're clearly upset."

"..."

"Lie down. And relax."

She does as I ask, putting her head on a pillow opposite the side I'm going to sleep. My hand goes to her head and strokes it gently.

"I...don't you hate me?" she squeaks out.

"No."

"Even...if that's the..." She's crying again. "Why...help me? Why would you be so gentle?"

"You have said many, many things that I disagree with. I think you're awful and a complete suck-up that might get people hurt one day under your command. You have a big head and an even bigger mouth. I really don't like people like you," I say as I continue to stroke her head gently.

"..."

"But you're just like me. A person. And it is for that reason that I will give you the care and compassion that all people in this world should have. Even if people like you would say that because of their past sins, they don't deserve it. It is what's known as grace, Futaba. I want you to remember this for the rest of your life."

Her bewildered eyes slowly close.

"And one day...hopefully. You will overcome yourself. And you will pass this grace on to someone else."

We wake in the morning as the sun rises.

Futaba says nothing as she goes through her routines, though she retreats to the bathroom again to get herself dressed and ready for the day. I simply shake out my hair and pull on my clothing in the middle of the room.

We make our exit and head down to the room Naruto and Yuno share. My favourite hyperactive shinobi smothers me in a rather unprofessional hug, which I return without a second thought.

"Seems we're ready," I say. "How was your night?"

"Great! Yuno's an awesome roommate, you know?"

"I didn't do anything special," he says gently. "But yeah, we had a good night. How was yours, Captain?"

"Fine enough. Shall we go?"

The four of us head downstairs and drop off our keys, checking out. A short walk to the edge of town, and then we take off together in formation at full speed. Without a route we need to follow, we can very easily cut through the countryside and make it home before the end of the morning.

We take a small break in a clearing some time later.

"Um, Lili?"

"Hm? What is it, Yuno?" He approaches me quietly.

"Is...Futaba okay? Did you say something to her because of me?"

"We had an exchange last night. She was the one who wanted to express her feelings about a lot of things," I reply. "She's fine, probably upset because I didn't validate any of her bullshit. You can relax, it wasn't solely about you."

"Yeah...I just was a bit worried and all. It must have hurt her, being put on a mission with someone like me. She isn't giving me those harsh looks anymore, which is nice."

"Good. That's one problem solved, at least temporarily."

"Thank you for sticking up for me, Lili. And for everything you've done on this mission. I ended up learning a lot."

"As long as you put these lessons into practice when it's your turn to lead, I will be happy."

"You really think I would get my own team one day?"

"Peacetime promotions outside of the exams are very specific. If you're a chuunin now, it's because you've earned that right. Straighten your back, Yuno. Start believing in yourself as a soldier. Understand?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good. That's one thing you need to fix, your outward confidence. Beauty does not mean weakness."

"Yes, understood."

"Was there anything else?"

"No, ma'am. Thank you for listening to me."

"Any time, dear."

We continue across the forest, Naruto and Yuno talking while Futaba remains quiet and sullen. She is at least paying attention to her surroundings, which is all I could ask for. Finally, after a few more hours of travel, we've arrived home again. The four of us pause at the entrance beyond the gates.

"Hell yeah! Mission accomplished!" Naruto yells. "One step closer!"

"Thank you all for your cooperation on this mission," I say with a polite bow. "Your efforts are recognized and appreciated. We have one last stop to make, and after you collect your pay, we will disperse. Remember to be well, everyone."

We move ahead to the Academy Complex, where the Mission Assignment Desk sits. A familiar and welcome face is here today.

"Hey, it's been a while!"

"Iruka-sensei!"

"Good morning, Iruka. Have you been well?"

"Pretty good, yeah. Glad to see you two rascals," he says with a smile. "Yuno and...Futaba, right? I remember you both. Everything okay, Yuno?"

"Everything's fine, sensei."

"Nothing you need?"

"Nothing, but thank you again. Captain Kobayashi has a handle on things this time."

"She always does. Glad to hear it. Futaba, everything okay?"

"Yes, everything is okay, sensei. Thank you for asking," she says with a small smile.

"No problem. I'm always interested in how my old students are doing. Let's see, now...C-Rank, delivery mission. Completed in good time, but that's expected of your group...and there we go. You're officially done. There were a few bonuses embedded in the contract, and you've managed to hit all of them. 100,000 ryo each. Nice."

"Heh. Guess that'll be decent pocket change for Lili," Naruto quips.

"Not even I can spend that much money recklessly. You think I breathe ryo or something?"

"Have you considered making a donation to your local charity?" he says with a grin.

"No. Your ramen budget will be big enough after this. And don't make me conspire against you with Teuchi, noodle-head."

"Okay, okay! I promise not to spend it all on ramen."

"Good boy." I pat his head and he grumbles at me. "Now go home and sleep, you've earned it." I give him a kiss on the forehead and smile.

"Sure thing," he says while smiling back. "See you later, Lili."

Everyone collects their payment, bids Iruka farewell, and starts on their separate ways.

"Captain Kobayashi...I want to talk with you. Please."

I give Futaba my attention as we stand outside of the Academy building.

"As you wish. What is it?"

"Last night...it wasn't who I was. It was unbecoming of me to speak that way. I don't...hate Yuno. I don't hate anyone who is like him, or has alternative lifestyles. I just think that they're...going about it wrong. But I shouldn't continue on justifying myself. You were right. I shouldn't be so disrespectful. I shouldn't want to hurt people who are different."

"Futaba."

"Yes?"

"Slow down."

"I don't understand."

"Slow...down," I repeat. "You are a person, a young woman with years of bias drilled into your head. I was raised with many of the same values in my early years. I then went through a world where everything I once knew was distorted in extreme ways. And after that, I managed to craft something for myself. What I said last night was the truth. The entire conversation was between us. I'm not going to report you, I'm not going to make your life a mess. Is that what you're worried about?"

"That's...not really it."

"Then what is it?"

"I just want to understand. Instead of having to live in this world where things are upside down all of a sudden."

"That's why I said to slow down. Coming to a proper understanding will take time. It will take effort. And you know what? You may even fail. You may very well let something slip and the mask that you've worked so hard to construct will fall away in an instant. There is no quick and easy fix for these things. The one thing you must do is try."

"I just...I want to be like you. I want to be good and kind to people that I'm...not aligned with, even if we're so different."

"If you could see the scars that mark me, you would not say such a thing, Futaba." I take her hands in mine. "Grow in the environment you have now, with the advantages and privilege that you have access to. Do not seek out pain, or some ascetic means of gaining enlightenment. Live within your own capacity for now."

"..." She slowly nods and I let her go.

"Do not internalize the things I have said about your actions. They are not you. Well...maybe not aside from being a puppet, anyways."

"I...have to disagree."

"You do? And why is that?"

"Soldiers who can follow orders and stick to the rules are an asset, ma'am."

"Then be an office lady. Mindlessly following orders in the field is how you get war crimes."

"Then what good are rules?"

"You're not paying attention to what I've said," I say as I stare at her. "Those shinobi who break the rules of this world are garbage. But those who abandon their comrades are lower than garbage. That is something Kakashi Hatake said."

"..."

"Rules and regulations are important. But they are not the measure of one's existence. Take that thought with you, or don't. It's not my place to make that decision for you, Futaba."

"I think...I understand a little now. Thank you for hearing me out, Captain. I apologize again. And thank you for your kindness towards me, even if I didn't deserve it after what I did. Thank you."

She extends her hand and I take it, shaking once.

"Take care of yourself, Futaba."

"You as well, ma'am."

She turns and walks away. There's really nothing to do but hope that things have started to sink in. I would like a happy ending, but...sometimes it doesn't pan out the way we want.

Humans are fragile creatures, in the end.