A/N: Another chapter to apologize for my slacking.


Chapter 21

My dreams were vivid and surreal.

Some of them were memories, but they were warped. Mom bandaging my knee after I took a particularly gnarly spill off my bike, but I wasn't a kid. It was me, now, at twenty one years old. I was so much bigger than her as she knelt on the ground beside me, crooning in my ears as she wiped the blood from my skin.

The little girl who played across the street from me was older, too. She was beautiful, with flowing brown hair and big, dark eyes. We did not play together, in fact I did not even know her name, but when I gazed at her, my knee didn't hurt any more. I felt all better.

Another dream, this one stranger than the last. Dad coming home as I helped Alice with her sixth grade math homework, even though I really wanted to be hanging out with Jasper.

Dad was different, though. He was clean and well dressed… and blond. His name tag read 'Carlisle.'

"I want to talk to you kids about something." He said, pulling out a chair across from us. "It's serious."

"This life you are living is trash." He said. "It is disgusting and pathetic. Your friends are dirty hoodrats."

"I like my friends." I said. "I like my life."

"Pathetic." Carlisle repeated. "We're leaving." He added.

"What?!"

"I am taking you away from here, Edward Cullen. Son, we are going to go West and find gold there. I can not bear to see you here any longer."

"Dad!" I tried to cry out, but my voice wouldn't come. I didn't want to leave Chicago! I didn't want to leave Jazz or Emmett or ugly Mike Newton. I couldn't bear the thought of never seeing the girl across the street again. "Please!" I tried to beg.

He did not hear me. Instead, he stood from his chair, and Alice followed him. Together they walked out the front door, shutting the lights on their way out. Leaving me in the dark, in the cold, all alone.

I was awake for a few minutes, desperately trying to keep my eyes closed. I failed- the sensation of being watched was growing stronger by the second. My heart race started to increase, fight or flight mode setting in.

I opened my eyes to Alice's big blues staring at me.

"What the fuck!" I yelled, sitting up. "You scared the shit out of me, Alice!"

"You look like shit." She barely whispered.

I felt like shit. I hadn't seen myself since the incident, but I knew it couldn't be pretty.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

I shrugged. It hurt. "I'm alive."

"That's not what I asked."

I heaved a sigh. What did she want me to say? I was getting really sick of that question.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you on the way to the hospital. I just-"

"You don't have to say anything, Alice. I know."

"I just thought we were passed this, you know? You and Dad seemed to be getting along lately."

"Fuck him, Alice. Don't fucking bring him up infront of me again, do you hear me?"

"It's just that-"

"Alice!"

My sister huffed. "I just wanted to check on you. We don't have to talk."

"Have you thoroughly checked? Do I look as shitty as you anticipated?"

"Worse."

I snorted, and Alice managed a small smile.

"Thanks for checking on me."

"No problem, brother." She stood from her spot on my bed. "Oh, also, Bella called. Everyone's coming over for a bonfire in the front yard. You have to come out so she knows you're not dead."

"I highly doubt she gives a shit."

Alice laughed. "You're an idiot, brother. Trust me when I tell you that she cares."

I stayed in bed for a bit, waiting until I heard the familiar sounds of my friends laughter coming from my open window. I was still in a fuck ton of pain, and was more than tempted to take another Percocet, but decided against it. I would show face, however mangled it may be, and I'd drink some beers, and that would numb some of this pain. I didn't want to be fucked up and slurring my words from the pills- that would only make Alice and company that much more annoying.

It was time to face the music, though; I had to know what I was dealing with here. I rolled out of bed, grabbing my cell phone and turning it on on my way to the bathroom mirror. Not to toot my own fucking horn, but I knew I was a good looking guy. I prayed the damage to my face wasn't irreversible.

My phone flicked to life right before I turned into the bathroom. It pinged a notification again and again, the high pitched beep going straight to my already fragile head and causing it to pound.

It was Bella; she had called me eight fucking times while I was asleep.

The shock and awe I felt at that moment would have been monumental had I not approached the mirror at the same time.

I was Fucked. Up.

First of all, my left eye was nearly swollen shut, it was puffy and purple. The dark shade of bruise continued along the bridge of my nose and under my other eye, which thankfully did not take any more damage than that. I was also sure my nose had been broken, because it hurt like a bitch, but that did not look like the case. My eyebrow was a fucking mess; I couldn't even count the amount of stiches there, because it was caked in deep red dried blood. The stitches on my lower lip were only a few, but it was swollen and bloodied, as well.

I'd been in plenty of fights before, fights where I lost. I've had the shit beaten out of me by my father, along side plenty of my peers who'd started shit with me in school. Being wounded wasn't foreign to me, but this… I've never looked like this.

Suddenly, the idea of going outside and facing my friends was even less appealing than it was before.

Still, I went. If only to prove I wasn't too pussy to face them.

As expected, the first thing I noticed when I walked outside was the lack of Bella's presence. It distracted me enough to ignore all of the gasps and unnecessary comments from the Emmett, Jazz and Rosalie.

"I'm fine," I told them as I sat down, holding my hands to the fire while I waited for Jasper to hand me a beer. "It looks worse than it is."

"I fucking hope so, dude," Emmett said. "This one time, my Uncle…."

The sound of her voice from the side of my house effectively silenced Emmett in my mind. I had to strain to make out what she was saying, but her voice was raised just enough that I could get a few words.

"You have no idea what you're talking about, Jacob! They're my friends."

"Yeah, well, I don't like the way you treat me when you're around your friends, Bella! You didn't even ask me if I wanted to come with you-"

Glancing around me, I saw that everyone else was too enamored with Emmett's bullshit story to hear what was going on between Bella and her asshole of a boyfriend. I leaned closer to the sound of her voice, undetected by anyone.

"It's not about you right now, Jake! He's hurt!"

"Yeah, and he's fine! Why do you even care so much?"

"He's my fucking friend!" Bella got even louder, but no one seemed to notice.

In the next instant I was on my feet, unsure of what the fuck I was planning on doing, but heading towards her, regardless.

"Where are you going, Edward?" My sister called out from behind me, but I just threw my hand up. She could find out later.

"Jesus Christ, Bella. You know what? I get it now. It's this shit hole of a city, making you insane. I knew we should have stayed in Phoenix, I can't believe I let you drag me here-"

"Fuck you, Jacob. Get the fuck out of here!" Bella's voice cracked as she yelled at him, and as he stalked off behind my neighbors house, she came into view.

"Hey."

My voice made her jump as she spun around to face me. I took a few steps closer, noticing that tears stained her cheeks.

I would kill that mother fucking Jacob Black at my next chance.

"Holy shit, Edward, you scared me." She cried, moving closer and closing the gap between us. "You look even worse than you did before."

I waved her off. "I'm fine. Are you okay?"

She burst out into another round of tears, and my hands twiched, aching to reach out and pull her into my arms, but I didn't dare.

"Loaded question." She muttered out between crying gasps.

"Mmm," I agreed. "This is the third time I've caught your boyfriend being an asshole." I added.

Bella scoffed, tears still streaming from her eyes. "He's not… fuck. I don't know. Maybe he is an asshole."

I laughed and, in spite of her tears, Bella smirked back. It was her who took the final step to me, wrapping her arms around my waist and pressing her face into my chest. My arms synched around her instantly, squeezing her against me as I felt her tremors as she cried.

"I was so worried about you." She mumbled into my shirt, now dampened with her tears.

Pressing my lips to the top of her head, and wincing as pain shot through my lip, I spoke into her hair. "I'll survive, Bella. It's not the first time."

She turned her face up, looking right into my eyes as if she was searching for my lie. "You were acting so weird before, I just didn't know."

I planted a soft kiss to her forehead, careful not to hurt myself again. "They gave me pain killers at the hospital. I was out of it."

A quiet laugh escaped her lips, her breath fanning across my face like perfume. I leaned in closer to her, desperate for more.

"What was that about, with Jake?" I asked, my voice quiet.

More tears welled up in her eyes, and I immediately regretted my question. Jake had no place in these moments I shared with Bella.

"I didn't invite him out tonight. I just left, without sayin anything, and he found me here with everyone and…"

"Shh, Bella." I crooned, attempting to calm her as she was getting herself worked up again.

"Its my fault, of course. Why wouldn't he be insulted? He has no one else here, and I just left him out."

"Why didn't you invite him?"

"I thought…" Another sob wracked through her before she continue. I held her tighter. "I thought it would upset you more, and I just want you to be okay, and…" More crying. "Oh, Edward!"

Before I could even comprehend what was happening, her lips smashed against mine. The gasp that escaped my mouth was not caused by the pain from my lip injury; I knew this should have hurt, but I couldn't feel it. It was just my body's reaction to her lips on mine, the taste of her in my mouth.

How long have I fantasized about this moment? I certainly didn't imagine it would be in reaction to Jacob Black, but beggars can't be choosers, right?

My mouth opened to welcome her tongue, and I let mine roam, tasting her lips and her spit and losing myself in it. The last time I'd kissed someone was the last night I spent with Bella all those years ago, and it was better than I remembered it. I pulled her impossibly closer to me, groaning at the sensation of her body flush with mine.

In the next second, she pulled away.

"Oh my god," She cried out, prying herself out of my grasp. "That was a mistake."

"Bella," I choked out, not willing to hear this. "Don't say that, please."

"I'm sorry, fuck. I'm sorry. I can't do this to him, Edward, I can't."

"Please," My voice came out in a gasp. She was backing away from me, the pained expression in her eyes only a speck of what I was feeling. The world was going black around me, and I was fighting to find the air to breath."

"I'm sorry." She said again, turning from me and running in the direction Jake left in only a few minutes earlier. Before everything changed again.

I could not come back from this.

I said nothing as I walked past my friends with my head down. I had to get inside. They questioned me, asking if I was okay and what happened, but there was nothing to say. What was I supposed to tell them? That my heart had been shattered one too many times? That the pain I felt as my father beat me to a pulp next to my mother's grave was a shadow of the pain I was feeling now? I could not explain this, not to them or to anyone. I simply had to get away, get the fuck away from everyone and everything.