content warning: hey all, got content warning you'll probably want to read. as you get into the chapter there will be a bunch of things we'll be dealing with. these are not limited to traumatic experiences and reliving such, instances of psychological distress, and abuse. our main character will also be engaging in physical, verbal, and psychological abuse along with torture and blackmail among other acts. the depiction of these acts is not an endorsement. please be careful as always and I hope you enjoy the chapter.
Scarlet Justice: Full Blossom – ep. 52
"Acid Rain"
[Glass Hearts, Part 1]
Talking to people can teach you a lot about them, both in the things they tell you, and the things that they do not. This held true as I went on my little date with Yugito, which we both enjoyed after the drama we had escaped from earlier.
We were never going to start revealing the deepest parts of ourselves to each other, like Fuu and I did once we met – Yugito is reasonably guarded and hasn't grown up completely starved of affection or attention. She's well regarded in her village for her work ethic and great skill as a kunoichi, and has a sizable fan club, which is why she wasn't too shocked with my flirting beforehand. There's still a lot of pain below the surface. She leaves it out, not wanting to be a burden or lower the temperature any. I leave it alone and let her tell her own stories. Perhaps one day, we might able to talk openly about our experiences, and the things that we've had to overcome...but for now, this will do. She's safe, and so is Matatabi. I hope it stays that way.
She is a good person. Honest and brave. Loyal to her village, but she's known little else, for many reasons. I don't blame her for being so attached to the place where she was born and raised. But there are hints that...if it didn't have to be this way, she would choose something else.
After eating, we talk a bit more before heading back to the inn. Yugito feels confident that she'll be able to leave within a day or two. I take my position on the soft chair and Yugito rests in the single bed, going to sleep quickly as usual. My thoughts about the past few weeks occupy me until I fall asleep myself, thinking of home.
The next morning comes. I take Yugito over to the town doctor that I scouted a few days earlier. Deidara and Kisame haven't come around yet, at least to my knowledge. The doctor doesn't have a great amount of experience with shinobi, but our physiology is similar enough to normal humans that he can do a quick check. As I suspected, Yugito is still a bit exhausted from her survival run. She's well enough to fight at normal combat speed, but even with Matatabi's help she'll tire faster than normal for a while. Some good rest and proper medicine from a shinobi medic will put her back into top shape.
"Ugh. Thought I was a lot closer to recovery," she says as we leave the doctor's office. "Also, it looked like the old man's eyes were going to pop right out of his skull. How much money did you give him, and why?"
"Enough, and because I felt like it," I answer in order.
"You really are strange, Lili. Not that it's a terrible thing. More people should be weird in the way that you are." She pauses. "Uh, incredible potential for killing aside. I can't believe you took down ninety bandits by yourself as a genin."
Hm. It would be like the Cloud to adjust the numbers downwards, compared to everyone else. That's propaganda at work, I suppose.
"It wasn't as difficult as you would think, even in those days," I say casually.
"You would say that, eh." She sighs. "Guess it's an even speed back home, and definitely no fights if I can help it. But I'm thankful to be alive."
"You do know your body best, so if you think you can head out, you should do so. There's no telling when those two miscreants will show up on your doorstep."
"That's true." We stop outside of the inn entrance as she rubs her chin in thought. "I should head over to the Hidden Grass. There's nothing saying that they won't attack another hidden village, but I doubt they want to bring that kind of heat down on their heads right now."
"I was heading in that direction before I detected Deidara, and we had our fortunate meeting."
"Fortunate is putting it lightly," she says with a smile.
"Indeed. Perhaps we should head there together, and you can send a proper message to the Cloud. I can't imagine they would mind sparing a company in order to escort you home."
"Heh. You think I'm worth sending a whole company for?"
"I think that's the bare minimum they should send. One regiment would be the most appropriate amount for someone so vibrant and decorated," I say with my own smile.
"You're too much sometimes. But thanks for the compliment, as always. I wouldn't mind going on a trip with you to neutral territory, if it's not any trouble."
"None at all, my darling. When do you want to leave?" I ask her.
"If we can check out now, that would be good. Might as well get ourselves a move on."
"Then I will grab my things from upstairs and sign us out. It will only be a moment."
After leaving the inn and grabbing some sandwiches for a portable breakfast, we make the run towards the Hidden Grass Village. In the meantime, I attempt to keep an eye out for Kisame and Deidara. By stretching my sensing ability towards its limit, I find out that they're far below us, on the far western edge of the country at least. Itachi told me before that they do not venture into Fire Country often, first because of the past alliance between Itachi and Obito, and more recently because of the increase in active shinobi – a direct result of our counterintelligence operations. If Kai and Ishako were there causing trouble, it might explain a lot of their movement patterns...this Pain person was likely not amused at their murderous antics and reassigned them to areas where they would cause less visible trouble. The only other places of note in this section of the continent are the Hidden Rain, which is perpetually wrapped in mystery, and the Hidden Stone, a known gathering place for terrorists and other types of mercenaries with...questionable moral values.
A few people are standing guard on the perimeter of the village, but we time our entrance and slip by them without incident, while wearing our travel cloaks. Once shinobi make it inside of a village quietly like this, there's no impulse to openly bother them, especially if they're not causing any notable trouble. That's if they notice, of course. Yugito was understandably in dire straits for a number of weeks, so I've given her some of the spending money I keep in reserve. She's insistent on it being a loan, and I decide to let her believe that it's the case. It seems to make her feel better about the whole thing. She's a stubborn woman, honestly.
"Nice little place," Yugito says as we enter the village proper. There is a very neat, modern look to it. Buildings made out of common material, with nothing too far out of place. Much like the Leaf, there is plenty of green space and a few bamboo structures here and there. Each of the important buildings and bureaucratic offices are clearly marked, making it easy to get from one point to another.
"Very nice," I say with agreement. The roads are paved and smooth too, which is nice. They don't seem to be damaged, either. I wonder how much maintenance costs for something like this, and the frequency required.
"Well, I guess this is where we part ways. I really, really appreciate what you've done for us. Thank you, Lili. I'm going to figure out a way to properly repay you."
"Living your best life would be payment enough," I say sincerely. "It was my pleasure helping you."
"I know. But..." She stops speaking, and a pained look goes across her face.
"You're worried about things as they are now. The possibility of us meeting again, but in unfavourable circumstances."
"You've thought about it too."
"I have. We might be enemies the next time we see each other," I say. "It has been in the back of my mind, ever since we met in the forest. But I will always remember our time together, and I will always care for you. And even if it is a foolish thing, even if it earns me the ire of my village-"
"Lili. You can't go that far," Yugito says firmly. "It's not worth it."
I frown at her. "Says you."
"Of course I'm saying it. You can't throw away everything that you've worked for. If we have to fight...we can't hold anything back. I wouldn't want to hurt or kill you, but this is the world we live in. We each have our place."
"And you think I should abandon you to the fates like that?"
"Yes. Not only because it could stop the ambitions of Obito and Akatsuki...but because I could never think less of you for doing your duty." She gives me a tender smile. "After all, you have a world to save. If we meet, and you have to cut me down...then that's how it is. Sometimes the world is cruel, in those intensely personal ways that you can't forget. We have to be prepared as shinobi."
"To be a shinobi is to endure," I say sadly.
"Yes. That's the truth."
Yugito wraps her arms around me.
"But I'm not completely without hope, even as much as I talk about how cruel reality is. I'll pray every night that the next time we meet...it's as friends. Without the threat of war between our nations."
I hug her back.
"I'll never forget you, Lili. Thank you..."
"Please be well, Yugito. I'll grant your wish...and if we meet each other across the battlefield, I won't hold anything back. Even if it hurts to do so."
"I appreciate hearing that, as sad as it must sound to you."
As we let each other go, I see that Matatabi has taken Yugito's place briefly. She looks at me sadly before putting her hands at her sides, bowing deeply towards me with her head down.
"I will put my faith in you, Lady Kobayashi. That this terrible struggle will end, and that we will erase the boundaries that separate us. Both with our nations, and all of our peoples."
"I will pray for your safety as well, Matatabi. Thank you for giving me a space in your heart."
She nods and closes her eyes, giving control to Yugito once more. One last look passes between us, before she pulls her cloak tighter and turns to walk away. I watch her go with a heavy feeling in my heart. It will pass soon, because ultimately...she is right. I just hate admitting it to myself.
Even with my power, I can't yet save everyone I want to. The chains are still too numerous, and wrapped around too many things at once.
"That doesn't mean...I will stop trying. Maybe I won't hold back, but you will never be a weapon meant for destruction in my eyes. Neither of you."
I pull my own cloak tight and start looking for a place to stay a while. There are still many things to take care of.
With Yugito off on her own and no further chance of confusion, I make myself known to the village administration properly and get to use some of the bureaucratic levers, due to the Leaf's good working relationship with them. I draft a few letters before sending them off via bird; the information regarding Fuu which will go to the Sand, and the classified reports that will go back home to the Leaf. Some catching up on news across the continent, which includes alerts from Cloud and Waterfall regarding their jinchuuriki. Nations are starting to share some data regarding the spate of killings that Kai and Ishako are responsible for.
I have another conversation with Fio, telling her about what's happened recently and that I plan to be home within a week or so if things go well. She's very happy about that. The village seems to be back to its normal operating windows, tension between ROOT and Hyuuga aside. I think I'll take it easy a while when I do make it into the village, doing things like having lunch with the girls. Yes, that sounds nice.
All in all...this was a good and enlightening trip. I made four new friends, gained new intelligence on the enemy, and bought some more time for the shinobi world. I just hope those fool Kage get their heads out of the sand soon, or else all the time in the world won't be enough. Speaking of time...I think it's well past the time that I gave Naruto access to the information he's been kept from for so long. He's more than old enough to understand, and delaying it will only cause him more pain later. I couldn't stand see someone I love so much get hurt again.
"All things to take care of in a few days. For now...rest, and then beginning the journey home."
I find a hotel, take my first hot bath in what feels like forever, and then happily fall asleep on a soft bed.
Morning comes and I have a hearty breakfast while checking in on regional news. Nothing new in terms of movement. I send a snake messenger to check in with Anko, send one bird to the Leaf with a scroll as a dummy and then a second after it with an encrypted drop. That code Tomo developed has been an absolute godsend.
Another hot bath just because, some long desired skin care, and then I check out of the hotel before leaving the Hidden Grass altogether. Tenchi Bridge is directly east, and I settle into an easy jog through the forests and plains. After the bridge, it's an easy trip across the border and into Fire Country. According to Erika, it was only a few years ago that they started regularly posting shinobi on or near the bridge at random times. It doesn't seem remarkable, either...so it makes me wonder what they've been hearing.
Today, the bridge is void of any visible presence. I take it for what it is and run across to the other side, then find somewhere to rest.
"Here looks good."
A fallen log serves as a good place to sit and set up items. I clear out the space in front of it and start to make a small pit for a fire. There's plenty of kindling around, and I ignite it with a puff of flame from my lips.
"The smoke is a bit thick, eh. Well, I just have to warm these things, so it should be fine." I look up into the evening sky and sigh. Just a few more days, and I'll be back home. I wonder how things at Magnolia House are going. At this rate, I might not be around enough to take care of those children like I promised. Ah, well. I'll find a way when it comes to that.
A few hours pass in silence. I get ready to warm up some food when I notice something coming through the forest, at a cautious pace. It's not an animal, it's definitely a person, with a developed chakra system. A shinobi, then.
"Someone from the Grass on patrol?" I mumble. No, it doesn't seem like it. This chakra feels...familiar?
It only takes another moment for me to realize why, and I feel my blood start to go cold. I stand up and face the direction that the shinobi is coming from, feeling anger build with each second that passes.
This chakra feels like Aiko's. And there is only one reason for that.
I watch the figure emerge from behind the trees, their hands up in a preemptive gesture of surrender. The image of a human male, with long and unkempt black hair that has streaks of grey in it. A full greying beard, pale skin from self neglect, visible exhaustion shown from the dark bags under his dark eyes. An old and tattered black cloak covers most of his body, and I can see parts of his obviously cheap and damaged clothing underneath, making him look the part of a vagrant. He is old, and tired on the inside and out. Nothing but a shambling shell of a human being.
I can see Aiko's face in his...and at the same time I can see Sasuke's, and Itachi's features. My vision starts to flicker on and off, taking me in and out of reality. I can see one more face, making me seethe. That man. That person who shattered me so badly I almost died in the smoke and dust of that ruined mansion. His face...so wretched I feel like I'm going to explode...
"I...I'm sorry to appear so suddenly," he says with a timid voice. "I just noticed your presence, a-and...I've been looking for you, to tell the truth."
"..."
"My...my name-"
"You don't need to introduce yourself," I say tersely. "I sensed you coming through the forest. I know what you are."
"O-oh."
"The man who once played at being a father. Sozen Uchiha, humble sperm donor."
He nervously brings his hands together and nods. "I know. I...deserve that. I haven't...been anything but terrible. I'm nothing but a coward, I realize that. I have for years."
"Do you?" I ask. "I wonder. If you were aware of all that, if you understood it, then you would have killed yourself years ago. Then you would have done some good for once in your life by clearing your pathetic existence from this world."
"I...I thought about that."
"A pity it only went that far."
He nods again. Utterly worthless. Is this some sort of performance he's putting on, or is he really this broken? Not that I give a fuck. This useless trash hasn't suffered nearly enough for what he did to Aiko. For her to end up as such a beautiful, kind person, especially after what this garbage did, is nothing short of a miracle.
I should put him out of his misery now, if he's in agreement on being a complete waste of space.
"Then again, I don't know what else can be expected from Uchiha," I continue, drilling my loathing into him. He hangs his head to avoid my gaze.
"You...might be right. The clan has always been a toxic thing. It's...it's little wonder that they ended up the way that they did. Ultimately destroyed, possibly never to return. If I...could have prevented that part from going to Aiko-"
"Don't you say her name, you worthless fuck!" I yell at him. He shrinks even further and nods.
"Sorry."
"Shut up. You're not sorry yet. Now tell me what business you could possibly have with an elite like me, Uchiha dog. You said that you were looking for me? Disgusting," I sneer. "I suppose you're into stalking women with those worthless eyes of yours..."
"I wouldn't use..." He lets out a shaky breath. "I-I was looking for you because...of what I heard."
"And what did you hear?"
"I was...in a town to gather supplies, and I heard about what happened to the Kazekage. Gaara...I didn't think something like that could happen, but..." He coughs. "I heard about his rescue from Akatsuki, and the defeat of Sasori of the Red Sand. That a team with Ai...my daughter...killed him with your help. I instantly knew that it was you who took the lead in order to stop him. Your strength is already legendary-"
"I don't need your fucking flattery," I snap. "Get on with your story."
"I...sorry." He takes a breath in. "It was...what I heard next that made me want to find you. That...my wife had actually been killed by Sasori years ago, defending the village while everyone was occupied during Shukaku's last rampage. I, and everyone else had believed that she was killed by Shukaku that night. But it wasn't the case...you must have known that by then. And so, I decided that I would find you, in order to express my gratitude. And t-t-to find out how A...my daughter was doing."
The forest is nearly silent for a while as I let the words hit me. Sozen's quiet, ragged breathing reaches my brain as the most horrific screeching, as nails being dragged along a chalkboard...something that makes me feel like I'm about to go insane. I can barely...perceive myself.
I can't feel anything but madness.
"I..." It's hard to speak. "You...came to...express your gratitude. To me."
"Yes," Sozen says.
"You...came to ask me...how Aiko was doing. You came to...me. For this."
"I did."
"You couldn't even...go to see her. After so long in hiding, you didn't go to her."
Sozen's eyes widen, and he starts to move backwards. It's too late. I grab him and slam him into the nearest tree, Murakumo already pressed against his pale throat.
"I'll kill you."
"No, please-"
"You don't deserve to live, you worthless fucking garbage!" I scream. "I'll kill you! I'll cut your fucking throat out!"
"I can't...I can't die!"
"You will!"
"No! I have to see Aiko! I have to! I can't die!"
The crimson circles appear, and I throw him to the ground. My hand goes to my head. I can hardly breathe. Why is it so hard to breathe?! All of those nightmares, flooding back, all I can see is-
"Wait-"
I have to get rid of it, get rid of the pain. Get rid of him-
"Miss Kobayashi, please...I didn't mean it. I'm sorry, I didn't..."
Sozen is on his knees, with his hands up. It's taking all I have to not cut his head from his body. I'm still shaking...it feels like it won't stop.
"I'm sorry. I...it was a reflex. I just...I didn't...want to use it. But I was scared."
"..."
"I know what terror those eyes can bring, which is why I don't...I don't use them unless I have to. I'm sorry for hurting you..."
It's becoming easier to breathe. My vision is starting to clear, and I dismiss Murakumo, retreating back to the log so that I can sit and catch my breath. The tremors are starting to lessen.
"Miss Kobayashi?"
"Shut the fuck up," I say hoarsely, rubbing my throat. It's not tender at all, but...it feels like it. My mind isn't well, is it. Seeing the Sharingan normally doesn't make me react this way, so why...why is...
"S-sorry."
The blood trickling from the shallow cut on his neck draws my attention to a necklace with a pendant on it. It must have been hidden by the cloak before. Sozen notices my gaze and slowly takes off the necklace before setting it on the ground and backing away.
I reach down and pick it up. This is a locket, from the looks of it. I open it up and see there's a picture inside.
"..."
An old photograph. Sozen, Pakura, and Aiko as an infant. All of them together and happy. So he was carrying this on him the entire time.
Those words...insisting that he couldn't die. Using the doujutsu that he so clearly despised. And carrying this memory with him, even as broken as he seems to be. The loathing that I feel for him won't ever go away...what he did was and is unforgivable. But I can see now that he really does love Aiko. Is this an attempt to overcome himself? To finally reach her, like he should have so long ago?
Should...I give him that chance?
The memory from back then is clear in my mind. Of me reaching out towards my father, crying, begging. I put away the shame and embarrassment I felt at that moment, to try and bring him back to me, as my family. And he rejected me. He threw everything away, including the bond we shared. What if that happens to Aiko? What if Sozen sees her again, and wastes the opportunity? What would that do to her? I don't want Aiko to hurt like I did. I don't want her to shatter.
I don't know what to do.
I close the locket and toss it back to Sozen.
"I'm not going to move from this spot. Come back in the morning," I say quietly.
"I-"
"Shut your worthless fucking mouth, and get out of my sight. If you want to me to listen to anything you have to say, shut up and do as you're told."
"...okay. T-thank you."
I hear him leave, and put my head in my hands to try and calm down. Memories I had pushed down are clear in my mind again. All of the abuse and suffering my father put me through. All of the terror I had to endure. Right in front of my eyes, all over again. It hurts.
I have to endure, as I always have.
Thankfully, breakfast goes down easily enough. I ended up falling into a rough sleep, drained and hungry. Today is starting off better than last night ended, at the very least.
The darkness in my heart is now sharpened to a fine point. I understand what I need to do with Sozen. I understand now what I've been craving ever since that encounter. He won't die by my hand, and he should be fortunate for that. But I am going to make him suffer, and regret what he did. I don't care if it was self defence, or that he was frightened. I'll make him pay for it.
I don't need any further justification. I want to see him suffer like the garbage he is, and always will be.
He comes slowly through the trees, in the same manner as yesterday.
"Miss Kobayashi. Are you feeling better...after..."
I sip at my tea before pausing a moment.
"Fuck you."
He's quiet before eventually nodding, not knowing what else to say. He thinks that as long as he keeps his head down that he can handle whatever comes his way. That's alright. We can see just how long that attitude lasts.
"You want to see your daughter, then. Is that why you're still around, living in the forests and hills?" I ask without looking at him.
"Y-yes."
"And you think that she would want to see a pathetic alcoholic like you?"
"I...I haven't had a drink since I left the village," Sozen says. "I've been clean...since that day."
"Oh, good for you. I suppose you're capable of being slightly more than trash if you put your mind to it. Perhaps if you put as much effort into being a good father, you wouldn't be standing here in front of me." I cast one eye onto him. "I can't believe that someone as elegant as Pakura married someone like you."
"I...I know. I just...I know that she would hate me..."
"And yet you've ended up in this situation. You know, you knew, you seem to know a lot of things. You also don't act on them. You don't act on anything much these days. Do you want to know something?"
"What...?"
"I've decided that I'm not going to kill you. It would...make me feel uneasy, since you're Aiko's father and all."
"I-I can tell you're...close."
"A good observation," I say with a smile. Sozen blinks before I leave my seat, driving my fist into his stomach. He coughs loudly and doubles over, allowing me to kick him in the head, sending him tumbling along the ground.
"Guh...!"
"Going to fight back?" I ask.
"I..."
I kick him in the back and he stifles a yell.
"That's interesting. So this is who you are after all."
"Ugh..."
I crouch in front of his head. "You know...I should apologize to you for what I said earlier. I called you a dog, and...that was wrong of me. I'm very sorry for saying it."
I stand up again and tap my toes in the dirt.
"You see, a dog has something you lack. And that something is a spine."
I wind up and kick him in the face, making his head snap back as he yelps.
"An invertebrate," I say as I crouch again to look at his bloodied face. My finger swipes through some of the crimson flow, and I lick it quickly. "An organism even lower than a mongrel. That's what the fuck you are. You are a worm...and I am going to treat you like one from here on. You want to see your daughter, you spineless fuck? You want me to hear you out?"
He coughs and reaches for his head.
"I asked you a fucking question, worm," I say while pulling his hair. "Answer it, or I'll pull this greying garbage from your head."
"Y-yes...I want...I want to see her...please..."
"I suppose that I'm your only remaining bridge to her. All that you have left. You know that you can't simply show up in front of her. But that only makes sense. You are, after all, a dirt chewing worm." I let go of his hair and stand up again.
Sozen groans from behind me, and I turn to face him again.
"That's right. I did forget to do something earlier. Shall we correct that now?"
He starts to wipe the blood from his eye, and I take the opportunity to drive my knee into his crotch. He lets out a pathetic, high pitched squeal before dropping to the ground, wheezing with tears in his eyes. I stand over him and slam my foot onto his head.
"I hope you can hear me clearly, worm. I'm going to go for a little walk to clear my head. It should take no less than thirty minutes. You are going to retreat to whatever slime covered cave you usually emerge from, and come back tomorrow morning when I'm ready for you. So take as long as you want to recover...but keep this in mind."
I grind my foot into his head as he cries.
"If you're not gone by the time I get back, I am going to make sure you stay here, bound, until I finish eating my lunch. And then I am going to spend the next ten hours beating the shit out of you. Make sure you keep it mind."
I drag my foot down his face before leaving. Thirty minutes wouldn't be enough for most people to recover from that sort of beating, but Sozen seems to be a most resilient kind of garbage. I'm sure that I'll see him tomorrow as planned.
He managed to leave yesterday before I got back. The distance was small enough that I could have caught him and continued to beat his face in, but violence for the sake of violence was never the point. The cruelty I inflict upon Sozen means something, and has to continue to mean something. It's not a means of repentance, because I am not the one he has to repent to. He is not earning some sort of credit, or forging an easier path. I hate him for what he did to Aiko...and I also hate him for what he is, what he represents in my eyes.
Aiko's pain is resonating with me more than ever before. I can see the space she occupied. I can feel the terror that she did. Old men that were supposed to be our protectors, becoming monsters in front of our eyes. Little girls who were terrified and helpless, with nothing to their names.
But the locket and that timidly expressed desire...show me that there is still light in him. I almost don't want to acknowledge it. Still...
I hear Sozen approach through the trees, at the same speed, and in the same manner as the last two times. He has bandage on the cut over his left eye.
"Well done on your escape yesterday, worm. I can tell that you're still in quite a bit of pain from yesterday's beating...it must have taken a lot out of you to leave this place."
"I...yes."
"You can relax for the most part. I'm not planning on beating you up today. Well...not much, at least. As always, it depends on my mood." I pick up one of my carved wooden bowls and grab some ash from the fire pit, along with a bit of soil. All of it goes into the bowl, and then I add some water while stirring.
"I...I see."
"I have one more thing for you to do before I make my decision. I can tell that you really do want a chance to meet with your daughter again. Tell me, worm. What will you do if she rejects you?"
"Disappear," he says. "Even if she asked me to...to..."
"Kill yourself?" I finish for him. "Would you slit your own throat if she told you to?"
Sozen trembles before slowly nodding. "I...just want to see her...one more time. Even..."
"Such love and determination. And yet you spent years hiding in caves and pissing all over yourself, instead of showing any of that affection to your daughter. Visiting after a year, or maybe three...that would have meant something, even if you would still be scum for leaving her behind."
"I know. I...can't take back what I did."
"There are also the usual logistical reasons, of course. Abandoning yet another village can't be too good for that resume of yours." I continue mixing in various scraps of material until the substance in the bowl starts to reach a thick, glue like consistency. All of the organic leftovers from the past few days of travel are broken down and mixed in. Almost done.
"I just...I got scared after leaving, thinking that I couldn't...just go back. Not after so long. I would hurt her all over again. I know it. I don't deserve to see her face again, but...but after everything, I just wanted...to try." Sozen lets out a trembling breath. "And it's...it's like you said before. You're my only hope. The only way that I might possibly reach her again. I...I'll do anything for that chance."
"Oh. Anything...do you really mean that?" I ask.
"Yes. I really mean it."
"That's good. I was hoping you would say something like that, and you didn't disappoint." I raise the spoon from my mixture and watch it drip slowly into the bowl. This is what I wanted. "And it's your lucky day. I am in a much better mood compared to earlier, so I will give you the chance to prove how much you want this opportunity. You can tell me your pathetic little story, make your excuses, cry and beg as much as you want. Whether that will move me is another thing entirely."
Sozen looks hopeful for the first time. "W-would you really let me...plead my case to you?"
"Oh, certainly. But as I mentioned before, you have to do a little something for me first."
Beating Sozen would never be enough. Unloading that anger, that raw aggression into him would always have its limits. More than that, it could never be a full expression of the anger and hatred I have for him, and for what he did. From the start, this was never just about Aiko. The painful remnants of my past are present in each action I take. And so, this next step is meant to do something beyond crushing his mortal shell.
"Take this."
I toss a length of rope to him.
"Bind your hands behind your back, then get over here."
He picks up the rope and ties his own hands behind his back, then walks towards me. He flinches as I get up and walk around him, checking the work he did. It's not a matter of any importance. I just want him to keep squirming.
"Good. Get to your knees."
Sozen obeys, and I give his hair a few needless pulls to make him sweat a bit. I pull one more time and make his head tilt upwards towards me.
"Anything. Was that it?"
"Y-yes."
I look into his eyes, and watch them start to fill with regret as I give him a thin smile.
"Let's see how much your word is worth."
I let go of him and take a seat on the log behind me, crossing my right leg over my left. He watches with confusion as I take off the sandal on my right foot, setting it aside. I pick up the bowl with my little mixture, and toss the spoon over my shoulder, into the fire behind us.
"Do you remember what I've been calling you lately?" I ask him.
"A...a worm," he replies quietly.
"Lower than even a mongrel, yes. Now, what is it that worms like to eat? Would you know?"
"I...I don't...know."
"That's fine. I didn't expect someone with as little intelligence as you to get it right away. You see, worms like to burrow through dirt and chew it up, along with other sorts of garbage. Kitchen scraps, wilted leaves, rotting plants and the like..."
"I see..."
"Do you? Well, I suppose you will very soon. You said that you wanted to earn my favour...so it's time for you to do your job, as the worthless fucking worm that you are," I say with a cruel smile. My hand with the bowl hovers over my bare foot, and I tilt it downwards. Sozen stares at the mixture of dirt and trash as it starts to coat my skin, eyes widening as he realizes what it is I want him to do.
He looks up at me, pleading with his eyes.
I have no mercy to give him.
"Do what you worms do best. Clean it. All of it."
His breathing starts to quicken. He's nervous. Scared. Fighting the impulse to get up and run into the forest and forget any of this ever happened.
"You're hesitating," I say calmly. "Not a very smart move on your part. Cleaning will become harder the longer you wait."
He tries to calm down, inching closer but coming to a stop each time.
"Is this all you're going to do? Blow the disgusting air from your lungs all over my foot? Perhaps I should just get up and beat the shit out of you after all."
"Ugh..." He trembles and forces himself forward, leaning closer and closer to my foot. His mouth opens, and his tongue reaches out to lick some of the muddy mixture.
"Remember that you're a worm. Swallow it," I order.
He whimpers quietly and pulls his tongue back into his mouth, swallowing the filthy mud before letting out a wheezy breath.
"If you do a shit job, I'll stomp on your worthless face until you lose consciousness. And when you wake up, I'll be gone for good. So if you really want the chance to see Aiko again, you had better work hard for it. Make sure you clean every inch of my skin, worm."
He sniffles and takes a deep breath in before leaning forward again. He licks at the mud as quickly as he can, while I lean back and quietly watch. He coughs and chokes before forcing himself to continue, tears welling up in his eyes.
"Pitiful."
He swallows another mouthful of mud before looking up at me.
"Are you sad? Angry, perhaps? Remembering something that happened to you in the past, no doubt. Abuse at the hands of another. Good. Relive those experiences. Suffer as they swirl around in your head, live on the edge of despair and madness."
I pick up the bowl and pour a fresh coating of mud onto my foot, Sozen watching with despair.
"And maybe you'll understand just a fraction of the suffering you put us through," I say with contempt. "Keep going, worm. Lick and swallow until every drop is gone. You will get your one chance when you finish to my satisfaction."
I lean forward and pull his head upwards.
"This is what happens when lesser lifeforms make demands of a goddess. This is how you pay tribute to me. Do you understand?"
He whimpers and nods.
"Then get back to work."
I let him go, and he gathers himself before starting to lick at my foot again.
After a bit of meditation, I open my eyes to see Sozen slowly trying to finish his job. The bowl has been emptied, and my foot is nearly cleaned...relatively so. All I can feel is the old man's slobber all over my skin. But as disgusting as it is, watching him suffer like this was well worth it. He's nearly listless by now, dirt all over the front of his cloak, matting his beard, on his face and on his nose. His hair is filthy from where it was ground into the dirt, as I took a break in frustration to punish him for getting my sweater dirty.
He hacks and coughs, trying to catch his breath.
"Enough," I say. "You've done a passable job, and I'm sick of you getting your fucking worm slobber all over me. Undo your own bindings."
He does so.
"Here." I toss the bowl at him. "Use that to get yourself a drink and clean yourself up. You look worse than I thought possible. There's a stream a half kilometre behind me that has fresh water. Keep the bowl and then fuck off home."
"I...I..." He lets out a wheezing cough.
"If you don't shut your fucking mouth, I'll make you eat the dirt from the ground directly," I say to him. "You don't get to decide anything here, do you not fucking understand that? Get the fuck out of my sight and clean yourself off. Come back tomorrow." I shrug. "Or don't. It's not important to me. I personally think it would be better if Aiko never saw your worthless face ever again."
"...I'll go."
"So you do have brain cells to mash together after all. Miraculous. Get the fuck out of here before I break your legs."
He stands and hurries off. I gather water in my mouth and spit it into my hands, then rinse Sozen's disgusting saliva off my foot. I wonder if I should give him a beating when he shows up tomorrow.
No. I don't care enough to do it. And he managed to survive what I did to him...so I will keep my promise. I'll listen to whatever he has to say. And then...I'll know exactly what to do.
The harsh memories from my past come back into my head, as I turn around and face the fire again. Abuse, neglect. He spent a lot of time drunk after Momma died. I thought it was him drowning his sorrows. Now, I don't know what exactly what it was. Was he celebrating his success in erasing her? Or was he running from his guilt?
It didn't matter, because the result was the same. Every other night, I ended up desperately holding my breath so that I could convincingly play dead. Sometimes it was before he could hit me, and he would pass out on his own. Sometimes it was afterwards. I don't think he remembered much of anything during his blackouts, but he knew the damage he was doing to me.
I kept forgiving him, because he was all I had left.
"..."
I start to warm up some water, in preparation for a much needed bath. The portable shovel comes out of my scroll, and I start digging out the necessary basin.