A/N: Next chapter! On a roll! I wanted to explore a delicate subject from a girl's POV. Hope you aren't scared away by the rollercoaster lol As unrealistic as it seems, this is based on truth! God help the guys... that's all I got to say... Enjoy!

DW.618 Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I've actually been on those rides before. The first one that goes backwards and forwards is easy enough. Sounds scarier than it actually is. It's really mild. But the Slingshot? I walked off of that and I couldn't wait to get far FAR away from that one. Neither could my husband ROFL It was fun though, truly. But some of those rides... they look a little... questionable in structure and integrity if you ask me... I make it a habit to avoid fair/carnival rides because of that alone lol

Obviously

Chapter 4: Overwrought

It took me a while to recover from what Ben had told me. He'd threatened Poe. No wonder Jyn said he was grey. Having read books, I kind of know what a grey character is, but I never would have applied that word to Ben. Until he told me the truth. I could tell my lack of a reaction startled him, but he was trying to not let it. I wanted to apologize, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was still on a ride of my own from his comment. And he'd said it so flippantly, too! Like it was obvious that I should have known he would do that! News flash, Ben Solo! I don't know what you're capable of, nor am I certain of the lengths you'll go to. This was all a learning curve for me.

"So... Finn said we can choose my place or yours." It was a simple enough statement. One that I should have registered as a deterrent to his prior statement, but I couldn't. "Where would you be more comfortable?"

I blinked at the question. He was staring at me, waiting for me to answer. I still couldn't. No doubt I would be more comfortable here at my place, but I knew that I couldn't keep him away from his place for the full two months. That wouldn't be fair to him. "We could alternate."

"What, like a week at your place, a week at mine?" he asked, mulling it over in his head. He nodded quietly. "That could work fine. Would you be all right with that?" I nodded. "Are you sure?" I nodded again. "Really? Because last time you said you were sure about something, you almost fainted at the fair."

I glared at him. "Stop bringing that up! It's embarrassing enough without you constantly reminding me of it."

"You realize this is the first time I've said anything about it since it happened, right?" he countered, a brow quirked.

I flinched and sighed heavily. "Still... just don't."

"Hey," he said as he stood and walked toward me. He stood at arm's length, but I wouldn't look at him. "Rey," he said as he tilted my chin up to look at him. "I've already said I'm not judging you for that. I just want to make sure you don't underestimate yourself again and wind up a mess that you kick yourself for until who knows when."

I sighed softly and nodded. "We can give it a shot... I don't know how I would feel about staying at your place, but I can at least try." He nodded with a small smirk. "But... on the off-chance I can't..."

"We'll come back here, no matter what time it is." I gave him a small smile, truly grateful that he understood. "Now that that's settled, where are we staying tonight?"

I flicked my eyes over to the couch for a moment, afraid to move out of his hold. Not that he scared me; I scared myself. I was already feeling things that I knew weren't there before. I wasn't sure what it was, but it was strong enough that I couldn't deny it. "Let's try your place..."

He grinned. "Great. Go get packed. I'll clean up here," he said as he gently kissed my forehead, releasing me completely. I stood there, stunned as my face burned at the unexpected contact. My hand went up to touch the spot that was burning where his lips had been just a few seconds before. I knew if he say me, he'd think I was a blushing mess. I tried to will myself to move, but all I could do was stand there like a moron. He'd actually kissed me. And it felt natural! Like it really was nothing. I'd kissed his cheek out of gratitude, but he'd kissed my forehead as if it were nothing out of the ordinary. Maybe for him it wasn't anything special. "Rey? Your bag isn't going to pack itself."

I gasped and retreated quickly to my room, shutting the door behind me a little more forcefully than I should have. I leaned against it, back flat as I tried to process my own emotions. This was already off to a bad start. He'd kissed my forehead once. No need to go screaming from the rooftops, Rey. But it was so sweet. Every time I ever thought of a forehead kiss, I thought of the highest form of adoration and affection and romance. Out of all the kisses, forehead kisses were always the ones I'd wanted to experience the most. They were the sweet kisses. The kisses that, without words, told you exactly how much someone loved you. The kisses that could fix any problem in the world when given by the right person. They were classic you-are-my-world kisses. Of all the kisses he could have done first... he chose that one.

I had to keep reminding myself that it may have meant nothing to him. It was just a simple mwah and slink away to do something else. It was like it was a passive action that was thrown in there, like the cherry on top of whipped cream. The cherry was there to make it look better. The forehead kiss was there to lessen the tension of staying at his house.

Yeah, that's all it was. An icebreaker. Sort of. That's all. I sighed heavily to myself and groaned as I walked to my closet, shoving off my door begrudgingly. I grabbed my overnight bag, hoisting it onto my bed and unzipping it. I stared at the black emptiness of the bag lining. I was about to spend the night at a man's house. A man I wasn't dating. A man I knew little about, but somehow didn't mind not knowing a lot about. A man who, with the slightest of touches, turned my heart into an erratic mess in my chest. A man... whose forehead kisses were sweeter than I'd ever imagined.

I slapped my own cheeks and groaned softly at myself, silently berating myself and trying to get it together. I went to my dresser, flinging drawers open and grabbing underwear, sleepwear and day clothes. Some day clothes were yoga pants and oversized sweaters. I grabbed jeans and a couple of nice shirts, not knowing when I would have to go out in public. Then I grabbed the essentials: deodorant, toothbrush, etc.

After a few moments, I zipped everything up with a sigh and looked down at what I was wearing. My heart thumped in recognition of his scent and this gift he'd given me. I pulled it over my head and tossed it onto the bed, staring at it like it had just accosted me. It was because of his smell that I couldn't concentrate. It was like crack or something. Had he laced that hoody with crack? Because I clearly wasn't thinking clearly. I ran my hands through my hair with another heavy sigh. "I need a shower..." I grabbed a few other clothes, tucked them under my arm and snatched my bedroom door open. I walked past him on the couch and to the bathroom on the opposite side of the kitchen. He started to call after me, but all I said was, "Shower."

All I heard was a chuckle before I shut the door behind me. I turned on the water without thinking and just stood there, watching as the steam started to crowd the bathroom, filling the space I didn't want to think about Ben filling. I shook my head, tore off my clothes and walked into the shower once I adjusted the temperature. It was insane how one act of kindness, well... two acts of kindness... had such an effect on me. Was I insane? He could turn out to be some kind of stalker or killer or something. That was such a blue crayon... I smirked to myself.

The blue crayon theory. I remembered it when I was a kid. It was a simple little thing that reminded me that while my body was changing from a kid to an adult, my brain, in essence, was lying to me because of the chemicals my body was producing. It was such a stupid thing, really. But the way my adopted mother put it to me was that way. She illustrated with a blue crayon. She asked for a crayon to be handed to her, I did. It was a blue crayon. Mom freaked out, saying that she expected me to just know what crayon she wanted, and that she shouldn't have to explain it to her and went off on a whole other rant I didn't really remember. What I remembered the most were her next words. "It's just a blue crayon, true. But our bodies, our minds? It's something way bigger and way more meaningful. Our bodies are being tricked into believing that what doesn't matter, does, and in a big way. Knowing that what you're feeling, while valid, is just a blue crayon, will help you learn to control your emotions and communicate better."

I huffed as I washed my hair. That lesson stuck with me. And now, it was happening again. Was I being hormonal? Was it that time of the month again? I couldn't remember. I'd have to check the calendar in my room. Surely, that was it, right? The hormones, the chemical imbalances, the changes... Surely that was responsible for my insane attraction to this man I know nothing about, right? That had to be it. All of this - the feelings, the attachment, the longing for his touch, the love of his smell - it was all just a blue crayon. Once I realize that, and make my body acknowledge that, it should be easy to put it in its place... right?

I finished washing, getting the fair off of me, and the last remaining scent from his hoody. As I stepped out and started to dry off, I realized that I had a bigger problem. If the hoody was driving me nuts... I was about to be surrounded by his scent. I groaned and rolled my eyes at how stupid I was being. I wasn't some freaking werewolf or vampire that lost all sense on a stupid smell. I was smarter than this. Maybe it was just the attention. I don't know what it is, but it needs to piss off.

The more I thought about it, the more I started to feel the irritation seep through. I wanted to punch something. I wanted to cry. I wanted to cuddle on the couch (not with Ben; with a pillow!) and watch romcoms and eat ice cream.

I glared at myself in the foggy mirror I'd just wiped with the towel. "Hormones." It was a simple word, but it was enough to make me angrier. How these little biological irritations could sway your senses oh so easily at the perfectly wrong times was nothing short of a burden. I feared going to his house. I feared sleeping in a room that was surrounded by his scent. My hormonal brain couldn't take it. But I'd already agreed. I couldn't back out now. I sighed to myself and slapped my cheeks again, demanding that I get a grip on myself. Reign it in, Rey! Now wasn't the time to go all hormonal schoolgirl on him!

Resolve renewed, I got dressed and exited the bathroom, running the towel through my hair silently. He looked up at me from the couch with that stupid lopsided smirk of his and I had to look away. "What is it?" I mumbled, more to myself.

"Chocolate's on the counter. Jyn left you some before she left."

I froze in place, dead in my tracks in the kitchen as I processed his words. I slowly turned to him, horror painted all over my face like a neon sign. "What?"

Ben shrugged. "Time of the month, I assume. I'm not judging," he said nonchalantly. That was when he looked at me and his own eyes widened a little. "Rey... come sit down. It's all right," he said as he slowly stood and walked toward me. I didn't know why he was looking at me like I'd grown several heads, or that I was a glass ballerina that needed protecting from a mallet, but he proceeded with caution.

"I don't need to be coddled, Ben. Stop acting weird." Right... take your own advice, Rey.

He frowned at me before gingerly reaching out and wiping my cheeks. When he pulled away, I noticed that his finger was wet. I blinked several times, my own hand reaching up to touch my face. This was a disaster. I was crying. Again. For no reason! I furiously wiped at my eyes, willing them to go away and cursing them that they didn't listen. It was only when I felt myself being pulled toward him and into his arms that I realized this was what I needed. I clung to his shirt, burying my face into the material and groaned quietly. Apology after apology left my mouth as I turned into yet another dumpster fire of a train wreck in his arms. He chuckled softly, gently running his fingers through my hair. It was oddly comforting. Another apology slipped out into his shirt as his scent assaulted my nose again. "Why don't we stay here until you're feeling better?" he offered gently.

I sniffled against him and nodded, apologizing again as I tried to reign in my emotions. Worst weekend ever... "I'm not crazy, I promise," I managed to get out as I pulled away just slightly to wipe my eyes.

When I was able to meet his gaze, I saw some rare tenderness there with a ghost of a smirk. "That's a lie. We're all crazy in some way." I blushed and looked away, wiping my face one more time. How did he manage to do that? Every. Single. Time. He reached past me, bringing our bodies way to close as I stiffened, but stood my ground. When he straightened back up, he held a small bottle and offered it to me. "Another gift from Jyn." I hesitantly took the bottle from him, fiddling with it in my hands, afraid to meet his gaze again. "Can I get you anything?"

I shook my head. Jyn had taken care of everything. I mean, I wasn't even bleeding yet and already I was a mess. I feared being around him when the real thing came, which, judging by my emotions, would be tonight or tomorrow. Freaking clockwork. "I think..." He looked at me, full attention, but keeping a healthy distance, which I was glad for. "I think I'm just going to... go in my room... Sorry..."

He let out a small sound that sounded like a mix between a laugh and a scoff. "Stop apologizing. It's really nothing to apologize for. You can't help it when your body wants to do all..." I caught him look me up and down for a brief moment, quickly looking away and rubbing the back of his neck. "...all that." He cleared his throat. "Right. I'll be out here. I'm going to order take out for later."

I only nodded in response. "Address is on the fridge." I didn't say anything else to him as I slipped past him and scurried to my room, shutting the door behind me. All I could do was slide down my door, hiding my face in my hands, pulling my knees to my chest and kick myself for this happening now. Stupid, stupid biology.

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

I sighed softly when I woke up to a sharp pain in my side. I curled up and let out a soft groan in pain. Cursing under my breath, I knew what was next, but I couldn't bring myself to leave my room. I bit my lip, swallowed my pride, and dragged myself out of bed to the door. In one motion, I opened it and walked quickly to the bathroom. It was easy to take care of the problem since I'd caught it in time, but it sucked that this was happening now. I kept reminding myself that it was only a couple of days. If Ben wasn't scared off in a couple of days, he'd get to see the real me; not the hormonal cracked up version.

When I came out of the bathroom, my hand placed gingerly on my stomach, Ben was fixing a plate of pizza in the kitchen and pouring a cup of tea. He set it on the bar and nodded his head toward it for me. I couldn't help but smile at him. "You're pretty well informed for a guy. What's the deal with that?"

He scoffed and rolled his eyes. "I had a very... direct... mother. And in case you haven't noticed, my female friends aren't exactly reserved about it either." I blushed and gave him a shy smile. "I wondered if it was that time, given what happened-" He stopped himself and cleared his throat. "Anyway... eat up. If you feel like it, we can watch a movie when you're done."

He went to walk away, but I grabbed his wrist out of reflex. He looked down at the touch. I looked down at the touch, horror of realization slowly crawling onto my face. Then I decided not to fight it. I promised Jyn I'd be honest if I felt something. "It's stupid... but... can you sit with me?" There. I'd taken a risk. Whether it would pay off or not was another thing, but I'd put myself out there.

Without a word, he laced his fingers with mine and took a seat next to me at the bar. I glanced at our hands, then risked a glance at his face. He used his free hand to sip a cup of his own tea. He didn't look at me and I was partly grateful, but partly scared. I turned my sight to the pizza and started to eat. I was hungry, but not terribly so. I usually ate like a bird at this time. "Ben?" I said as I set the pizza down after a bite or two. I felt his eyes on me. "I'm sorry I keep putting you out like this. I'm not usually like this."

Ben snickered and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. "Yes you are. And it's all right." I looked at him then to see him propping his head up on his fist, angled to look at me. "When I was growing up, my father told me that women are actually four people wrapped into one." I raised a brow at that. "He said it's like one personality a week. You get a fierce firecracker, a bipolar cuddle monster, the original, and the bear."

"Ok... the what?"

He snickered again. "The bear. Wants to sleep all the time. No energy. Not really productive."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Your family sounds..."

"Interesting? Odd?"

I gave him a smile. "Cute. I was going for cute."

Ben lazily shrugged his shoulder and looked down at our hands as his fingers idly played with my knuckles. "That was a long time ago. Dad died a few years back and mom's been so busy with work I hardly see or hear from her."

"I was adopted when I was young. Apparently, my parents just disappeared. Some said they had an accident and died, but some say that they just dropped me off at an orphanage and left. I didn't try to look for them either way. I spent the better part of my life hopping from foster home to foster home until I landed with Maz. She raised me from the time I was eleven to when I was old enough to graduate school." I couldn't help but smile at the feisty little old lady that raised me. She was such a kind person. I truly felt like she was my mom.

"Maz... Kanata?"

"Yeah... how'd you know?"

Ben scoffed. "She's a friend of the family. She dated my Uncle Chewie for a time. Didn't work out. Dad and Chewie were always off on their own little adventures. We still kept in touch with her though. I had no idea she adopted a daughter."

"It wasn't advertised. And it wasn't really ever made official. By the time the adoption process would have gone through, I was already a legal adult and didn't need to be adopted. We still went through with it though. I took her last name anyway once I graduated," she said with a grin.

Ben gave me a grin then. "Rey Kanata. Huh..." He was silent for a little bit before sighing softly. "I haven't seen her in... ten years."

My eyes widened a little. "We should go visit her. I'm sure she'd love to see you!" Ben cringed at that, but quickly recovered. I think I made him uncomfortable. "Or not if it's too much..."

He sent me a sad look, followed by a brief upturning of his mouth. "It might be... but I won't know unless I try, right?" I smiled wide at him when I realized he'd echoed my words from the fair. I playfully bumped my shoulder into his and took another bite of my pizza. He turned my hand in his and kissed the back of my hand with a small smirk.

"You already gave me one kiss today," I reminded him, unsure if he forgot.

"Hm... I suppose I did," he replied with a mischievous grin as he sipped his tea.