Get your act together
Electric blue light illuminated the shuttle's interior. Bright rays shimmered on the smooth durasteel surface as the ship drifted forward. Fives always liked the mesmerising feeling of hyperspace. A feeling, 'cause that's all it was. Just a steady whirling that seemed to swallow them whole yet was strangely reassuring. It prompted him to lean further into his chair. He folded his arms behind his head and was about to stretch his legs out on the ship's cockpit when-
"Don't even think about it, Fives." Ahsoka warned without raising her gaze from the panel control.
"Oh, come on, you should be happy that I feel so safe as your passenger." He argued but put his feet on the floor anyway.
"Your tightly fastened seat belt indicated otherwise." She glanced sideways at him, her eyebrow marking slightly raised.
"You can't really blame me, I've seen records of your and General's crashes." At that Ahsoka turned in her chair to face him.
"It was always Anakin at the controls, I'm a very good pilot." She defended her pride confidently.
"There are no witnesses to confirm it." He remarked thoughtfully, leaning against the arm of the chair. He was now facing her, his chin resting on his palm.
"There weren't any casualties if that's what you're implying." She made a pout and narrowed her eyes at him. Fives fought the urge to laugh at her expression and went on with his act.
"Lack of victims is sorta reassuring, I guess."
"Right?" She exclaimed briskly, her eyes lighting up. "You can be the first!"
"Was that supposed to put me at ease?"
"It should." Ahsoka stated simply and folded her arms as if to emphasise her statement.
"Well, that's very little compassion for a Jedi." Fives straightened up and rolled his shoulders to shake off the stiffness. "But I guess my assumptions were unfounded, it's been quite a pleasant flight so far." Ahsoka let out a huff of laughter but out of the corner of his eye, he saw that her lips tugged upward in a gentle smile.
"Don't worry, shipwrecking was one lesson I decided to skip in my apprenticeship." She assured him softly and turned back to the panel control. A low beeping sound informed them of emerging from the hyperspace seconds before a navy planet abruptly came into their view.
Hundreds of ships were heading towards its atmosphere, effectively diverting Fives' attention from the twin moons orbiting along the golden ring. He started to wonder whether such traffic was a good sign or not. The undercover mission he and Ahsoka had been assigned to didn't sound very challenging - track down the smugglers and intercept their next target, all the while not blowing their cover. A simple plan, the way Fives liked best. The problem was that he could hardly call himself a subtle person and the civvies felt unfamiliar on his skin. He knew Ahsoka, too, wasn't as composed as she strived to appear; neither of them was much of an actor. Or maybe it was Fives who knew her just a bit too well.
They soon reached the planet's surface but the sky that now loomed over them was nearly as dark as the vacuum space. The city, however, was glowing as if set on fire, every building glistened from colourful specks of light. Fives didn't have time to get a better look as Ahsoka pulled over between two skyscrapers and slowly lowered down to the landing pad.
"All right, let's get this over with. I bet Jesse that we'll be back before the second half of Huttball" Fives said while unbuckling his seat belt which he did leave fastened till the end of their ride.
"Awfully confident, aren't you?" Ahsoka asked with the cheeky smile he was so well acquainted with. "You think you're so good at acting?"
"Well, you believed me I liked the way you fly." He didn't need to look at Ahsoka to know the kind of glare she was sending in his direction. He could hear its intensity in her voice as she retorted.
"I was also under the impression that you value your life." Fives should have seen it coming, the threat in her tone was obvious, but when Ahsoka sharply hit the brakes, he was already on his feet, stumbling forward as the ship jolted.
"You only further confirm my belief." He shook his head disapprovingly after regaining his balance but Ahsoka didn't raise her gaze to see it.
"I have no idea what you're talking about." She chirped innocently, seemingly oblivious to his statement. A soft chuckle escaped Fives' lips and he wasn't going to deny it, even to himself.
Fives didn't take long to prepare. After hiding the knife in his boot's upper and tucking blasters into the back of his jeans, he leaned against the wall, waiting patiently with his arms crossed over his chest. Ahsoka donned a leather jacket long enough to cover two lightsabers hanging at her waist. She gingerly pulled her long lekku out from under the material and Fives had to catch his lingering gaze before she could notice.
"Ready?" Ahsoka asked.
"Yup." He replied quickly. Maybe even a little too quickly.
The streets were crowded, to say the least. Fives compared it with the rush hour traffic on Coruscant with displeasure, when another person bumped into his shoulder while they tried to squeeze through a narrow alley. On the flip side, he finally made up his mind as for the number of incoming ships - it was definitely a bad sign and he couldn't even imagine more people strengthening this massive wave of wandering bodies. Fives kept a close eye on Ahsoka and an even closer arm, trying to protect her from any stray limbs pushing from the opposite direction.
As they moved at a bantha speed through the traffic, Fives got a better look at the traditional lanterns hanging from every possible surface. A rather peculiar contrast to all the modern glass-and-durasteel buildings reaching into the sky. Some kind of tribal music came to his ears but it was hard to catch the exact rhythm with the surrounding conversations and overall commotion.
"Is this some kind of celebration?" Fives asked from behind her, Ahsoka's montrals at the height of his lips and inches away as the street narrowed further.
"Looks like it. No wonder they choose this date, with so many distractions they'll easily blend in with the crowd." He was sure she frowned, could see with his mind's eye a small wrinkle appearing between the white markings.
"Maybe, but so can we." Fives replied with a smirk that permeated his voice. Ahsoka turned her head to look up at him, her left lekku brushing his chest slightly in the process. The sincere smile adorning her face reached blue eyes and evoked a pleasant flame in his chest. Fives cleared his throat.
"So, where to now?" His voice was still more hoarse than usual. Ahsoka closed her eyes in concentration for a moment.
"This way." Her eyes snapped open and without further ado, she submerged in the crowd. Ahsoka didn't have much trouble finding gaps and squeezing through passersby; she was small and agile, something that couldn't be said of Fives. Trying not to fall behind too much, he resorted to shoving with his arms, earning hostile stares from his victims. Murmured apologies probably didn't make things much better but he was too focused on the receding blue-white montrals to care.
"Soka, do you know where we're going?" He grunted with someone else's elbow jammed into his back.
"I have a feeling." She replied simply, not slowing down one bit. Ahsoka confidently continued maze-walking as if on autopilot. After all these years of service under Jedi, Fives was somewhat knowledgeable about their sentience, though it never ceased to amaze him. Sometimes he wondered what it felt like, the Force. To be able to sense the things - however vague it may sound - that others were not even aware of. But just now, after the third seemingly random turn, Fives felt something too. It was sweet and intense, making his stomach flinch slightly. Ahsoka stopped in the middle of a square, with Fives right behind her. He stared sceptically at the stalls, which were almost collapsing over fancy food.
"A feeling?" Fives scoffed. "It's called smell, Ahsoka." She turned to face him, her mouth opening to argue but he forestalled her. "And don't play the Jedi senses card on me." She just rolled her eyes.
"That's the spot, this is where they'll meet." Ahsoka pressed. She rolled up the sleeve of her jacket and checked the chrono on her wrist. "We're too early."
Fives looked around discreetly. The square wasn't as crowded as the streets they'd fought their way through earlier - he could take a proper breath in without someone crashing his lungs - but still enough to make their presence irrelevant to the smugglers. Loud clangs of beer mugs followed by peals of cheers and drunken laughter were drowning them quite well too.
"Happy Rubrum-Lunas!" Bright, and a little tipsy, voice sounded next to him. A young Tholothian woman, grinning broadly, stood with her hands outstretched, almost pushing sparklers into Fives' palm. He was about to refuse when orange fingers curled around the offering.
"Here." Ahsoka handed him one after cheerfully thanking the girl. Fives send her an incredulous gaze. "What?" She asked surprised, but his only response was a raised eyebrow. "Come on, what happened to your 'I'm a great actor' attitude?" The question was filled with her own attitude.
"It's still there, just don't need props." He eyed the shimmering fireworks.
"Trust me, you do." She assured him. Then, after looking him up and down, she added. "And maybe a beer, too."
"With that, I can agree." He conceded wearily.
Ahsoka led him to the edge of the plaza, where the view of lower levels spread out. Fives rested his elbows on the metal railing, its chill permeating the material of his jacket, making him shudder slightly. He stared dully at the sparklers in his hand and resisted the urge to scoff at the bright glimmers. He was glad that none of his brothers could see him right now, he would never hear the end of it. Fives glanced sideways at Ahsoka beside him. She was drawing circles in the air with her firework, her blue eyes tracing the gleaming trail it left behind, mesmerised by the sight. Fives was amazed as well, only the subject of his observation was different.
"And here I thought that after wielding lightsabers this wouldn't make a big impression on you." Fives remarked softly. She chuckled but didn't stop painting imaginary shapes. Ahsoka's lekku swayed slightly in the gentle gusts of wind. Her bright blue eyes reflected every glittering speck of light and more. He probably should have turned away, look at the starry sky above him, or the bustling city below. But Fives had never been the subtlest one in the 501st and the only display he was interested in was right beside him, locked in Ahsoka's irises.
Suddenly, a shrill whistle reached his ears and loud explosions filled the air, drawing screams from hundreds of throats. Fives' breath got trapped in his lungs, heartbeat throbbing painfully fast till the glowing sky enlightened his panicked mind. Fireworks. Not guns, not bombs. Just the fireworks. Yet the reality didn't fully come back to him, not until a warm palm rested on his wrist. Only then did he realise how tense he had become. Fives took a deep breath to calm his raging pulse but the true reassurance came from the sight of slender fingers curled around his jacket's cuff. Fives didn't dare look up. To be honest, he couldn't bring himself to move at all, afraid that if he stirred too much she would take her hand back.
Fives did a double take. Why did he cling to her touch so much? He must have gone crazy. Yes, he did enjoy Ahsoka's company, her fierce spirit, the mischievous grin she wore in a set with feisty sparks enlightening her eyes as well as the serenity that settled within his chest at her closeness. But there was nothing surprising about it, they had known each other for a long time and after so much time spent together, with shared successes and traumas, it was hard not to develop a close friendship. And a little unusual one, given that she was his Commander. But that never was an issue to Ahsoka. She has treated him with utter respect and kindness since day one. And on the second day, when she found out about his fondness for mischief, with a special dose of sarcastic retorts. So when off duty, or rather without supervision, they were simply themselves, and Fives couldn't recall the moment when her presence became so essential in his life. He looked again at the palm on his wrist.
"Aren't you tired of pretending?" Ahsoka almost whispered but he would have been less surprised had she shouted. Fives' head snapped at her, surprised by the sudden and significant change in her tone. Her quiet and wistful voice indicated that she didn't mean just today's mission. He prayed she hadn't managed to read into his thoughts either. "Of putting on a brave face even though things are going sideways." He watched her in silence. Sparklers in her hand slowly flickered out, as did the lively sparks in her blue eyes. He felt Ahsoka's hand tighten her hold on his wrist. "That all of this doesn't affect us the way it does." The words tasted bitter on her tongue.
Fives was stunned. He knew damn well what Ahsoka was talking about but he never found any consolation that was satisfying enough to sleep peacefully through the night. Living on the front lines of this war had few upsides and the Clones had little room to complain. Ahsoka had been thrown into this karking mare far too young, and yet she always stood strong for her soldiers, trying to carry more than she could bear. Fives wanted to tell her that it was alright, that he understood but he was struggling to find a proper way to put it. The silence resounded louder than his unspoken thoughts, becoming the only answer Ahsoka received.
"What am I saying?" She murmured ashamedly, as if suddenly more aware of her actions. The warmth of her hand was gone in an instant. "Don't mind me, forget I said anything." Her smile was so forced that it physically hurt him. He had to tell her. At this point, he just had to say anything because letting her put on a mask in front of his eyes was not an option.
"Ahsoka, I-"
"It's them." She cut in, her gaze fixed over his shoulder. It took Fives a moment too long to remember why they were there. Ahsoka had already moved towards the opposite side of the square, Fives right behind her, followed by the guilt and frustration digging at his heels.
Fives spotted the Devaronian and Trandoshan in the corner. The latter was eyeing the crowd intently, licking his mouth with his long lizard tongue in a foul manner that made Fives' lips twitch in disgust. He tried not to head too obviously in their direction, faking an utter fascination over surrounding stalls that just coincidentally were in the same direction. However, Ahsoka didn't pay much attention to anything besides their target, determined to get within earshot. Fives wanted to warn her that she was acting recklessly but it was too late. Trandoshan's gaze fell directly at them, his pupils dilated dangerously. Before Fives could react in any way, Ahsoka stumbled backwards and fell against him, her hands spread across his chest.
"Got ya!" She giggled sonorously. He placed both of his hands on her waist to steady Ahsoka as she continued swaying on her feet and leaning further against him. Fives looked at her completely confused before catching on to what she was doing.
"That's enough wine for you." He tried to sound convincing despite her hot breaths tickling his collarbones, thus shattering his acting into pieces. Fives shook his head with not-so-fake disbelief. "You never know when to stop."
His Commander sent him a blissful smile and fell into another ripple of giggles. Fives glanced tentatively at the smugglers and exhaled a sigh of relief when the Trandoshan looked away.
"Your acting is a little over the top." He muttered, trying to fight off the heat creeping up his neck. "I've seen you drunk and even then you weren't as flashy."
"I was doing an impression of you" She replied cheekily but was still leaning heavily against him. "Now shush, I'm trying to catch what they're saying." Ahsoka's eye markings furrowed in concentration, trying to isolate smugglers' voices from the crowd. At least one of them was reliable, 'cause Fives felt helpless, her touch overtaking his every thought. Even if he did have sensible hearing like Ahsoka, the loud pounding of his heart would effectively prevent him from catching any words. He tried to pull himself together and focus on the assignment but the pressure of her body against his was too much of a distraction. His chest was rising quickly, along with Ahsoka's palms pressed flat to his shirt, contrary to the rest of his body which was unnaturally still. His hands had been stiff on her waist ever since they landed there even though his fingertips itched to move along her side. Kriff, he missed the cooling feeling of the metal railing. Now the air was hot and steamy and he entirely blamed the dense crowd, denying the possibility that the reason behind his shallow breathing might have had something to do with the girl's proximity. Fives was ripped out of his trance when Ahsoka's eyes began to widen and she snapped her gaze back to him.
"The buyer is here."
"But they weren't supposed to meet him until next week." He recalled information from the report he was looking through.
"I know but they're meeting him now." Ahsoka pressed. "Hurry up, before we lose them." She swiftly shifted her weight to her own two feet and moved behind the receding smugglers. Fives felt an unpleasant cold at her sudden disappearance, his hands hovering awkwardly in the air for a moment before he gave himself a mental smack - there was no time for his nonsense. But even the chill breeze couldn't wash the phantom feeling of her touch.
They turned into the parallel street as the smugglers - getting acquainted with plans of the city was finally paying off. Fives sent Rex a request for backup but he doubted they would arrive in time. Fives had been strolling alleys with Ahsoka for quite some time, with each and next turn the streets becoming more deserted and the sounds of the festival drifting away. Dilapidated buildings and broken windows indicated that they had entered a less reputable district. Many of the street lamps were battered, plunging them into shadows.
"He's late" Trandoshan growled after halting in a deserted alley. Fives and Ahsoka had laid low one corner earlier, blasters already in his hands. They had been waiting pressed against a dirty wall for a while now and Fives was becoming as impatient as the Trandoshan.
"Shut the hell up." Devaronian cursed loudly. "He'll come, so don't kriff it up." There was a dull slam and Fives presumed that Trandoshan's back was pushed against a wall. If they hose themselves off, his job will turn out much easier, Fives thought.
But before any more punches could be made, another voice echoed in the street along with the metallic clank of battle droids.
"I don't have time for this." Zabrak spat coolly. "Do you have the data I ordered?"
"It depends on the amount of credits you brought." Trandoshan snarled and the sound of an unlocked weapon echoed.
"I think that is enough." Fives whispered and Ahsoka nodded. She disappeared in the dark street to encircle the smugglers and cut their avenues of escape, leaving Fives to wait for her signal. When a sound of ignited sabers sounded in the alley, he took it as his cue. He stepped out of the shadows, guns pointed at their heads before they could turn around.
"You're arrested and I suggest you surrender." Fives stated rather casually. Smugglers' hands flying to their holsters was answer enough.
"Well, you had your chance." Fives smirked and pulled the trigger. A blaster bolt hit Trandoshan's knee, drawing a painful howl from him. Devaronian made a dodge but didn't manage to avoid Fives' stroke as he approached and swung the blaster's barrel at his temple, the next kick aimed at his shin. In the meantime, Trandoshan pulled himself up and fired a volley of shots. Fives firmly gripped his disoriented opponent and used him as a shield. Shots riddled Devaronian's arm and enraged curses ripped the air the way bullets tore his flesh. Blaster set to stun, Fives knocked Devaronian out and tossed him against the trash can. One more to go.
Reptilian gave a furious roar and limping, threw himself with fists at Fives. Ducking, Fives nimbly shifted behind his attacker and pressed a hot barrel of his gun against the scaly-covered skin. Suddenly, he heard Ahsoka whine and instantly yanked his head towards her. She was trapped in a tight lock of a battle droid but quickly green sabers sent it crashing to the ground. As relieved as Fives was, he had to pay a price for that brief moment of reassurance. Trandoshan yanked the blaster out of his hand, along with Fives' ligament. A painful grunt that escaped his lips was soon interrupted when massive paws clenched around his throat. Fives knew that wrestling with the Reptilian was pointless - his fists had little chance against Trandoshan's claws - so he reached into his boot's upper for the knife. When a blade pierced through the tough skin, the hold on his neck loosened enough to wrench himself away. Mind hazy from the insufficient amount of oxygen, Fives' first punch was weak and imprecise. The second one hardly caused any harm while his third strike bend Tranoshan's arm at an unnatural angle. Fives heard the breaking of a bone but he had no remorse. His conscience remained silent when he kicked the lizard's head and let the limp body hit the ground with a loud thump.
Fives wiped blood trickling down his cheek with the back of his hand and glanced over his shoulder. Zabrak was lying unconscious, surrounded by the severed metal parts that had once been his guards. Ahsoka was handcuffing him, her knee still pinning the trader's back to the ground. Fives' breathing hadn't yet had time to fully stabilise when his eye caught a distant flash on the roof. With adrenaline pulsing through his veins, he threw himself in front of the girl at once, shielding her milliseconds before a bullet pierced his skin. The impact made him stumble two steps backwards, the breath that escaped from his lungs took all of his strength with it.
Ahsoka jumped in front of him but due to Fives' blood loss, her ignited sabers were barely a blur of green. His head fell forward and jerked up as he fought against luring sleep. Weariness was tugging his eyelids close and his whole body swayed heavily. He would have fallen if not for the two hands that helped him stagger to the wall and guided him to the ground. Cold stone pressed to his back sobered him up a little, but not enough to understand the words Ahsoka shouted to her comlink.
She slipped the jacket off his shoulders as tenderly as she could but Fives wasn't able to contain a painful groan when the coat brushed the wound. Ahsoka ripped a piece of her dress and folded the fabric to put pressure on the injury. However, she had trouble locating it since his whole shirt was soaking in blood. She grimaced before pressing on his shoulder, preparing herself for the painful moan that Fives had no control over. He was gasping heavily for a while until the pressure blended with the agonising pain underneath Ahsoka's palm, becoming one steady, dull ache. Fives raised his hanging head and looked at Ahsoka. Her arm, tense from applying pressure, was drenched in blood - his blood. Red trickles ran down her elbows and formed a puddle on her lap. Ahsoka was biting her bottom lip. She didn't blink for an unnaturally long time, her eyes fixed desperately on the crimson seeping through her fingers. Fives was looking at her in amazement, not understanding the emotions displayed on her face as well as the ones she tried to submerge. Her breathing was growing heavier and heavier as if her bottled-up feelings strived to get away.
"I mean, what the hell, Fives?!" She cried out, turning abruptly to face him. Now that her teeth had let go of her lip he could see it was quivering violently. "Don't you ever do something like that again, understand?! That's an order!" Ahsoka tried to use her commanding tone but trembling spoiled the effect. Tears collecting at the brims of her eyes and threatening to fall were far more definite than her shaky voice.
He should have said something, should have assured her that he was alright. It was probably his lack of response that caused her panic to escalate so much. Normally, Fives would try to break the tension by jokingly answering with 'Sir, yes sir'. But now, when he was drowning in the ocean of Ahsoka's blue eyes, watching it nearly spill on her cheeks, Fives' sense of humour drained from him. His chest tightened at Ahsoka's pained expression but his heart was beating vividly for her. And at any minute he would voluntarily give it up for the sake of her own. Without hesitation and without any regrets. His motives were much more profound and ran deeper than a typical soldier's loyalty. Fives couldn't fully comprehend his feelings at the moment but was aware of them enough to know that he was screwed. Because Clone wasn't supposed to be in love with his Commanding Officer.
Ahsoka sniffled, wrinkling her nose slightly, and turned back to focus on his injury. The steady pressure she applied on his shoulder was the only constant at the moment. His mind was swirling and he didn't know if it was due to his new realisation or the blood loss. But the sorrowful look on Ahsoka's face was hurting him more than the gunshot wound.
"I'm alright." Fives whispered softly although unceasing bleeding was a poor testimony to his words. "It wasn't your fault." He assured gently but the only answer was just another sniffle. Fives wanted to wipe away a stray tear slowly rolling down her cheek but before he could make up his mind, bright rays of light tore through the darkness of the street.
"I need a medic!" Ahsoka's desperate voice outshouted the troops' stomping that filled the alley. Fives watched as the Clones checked the area and dragged the smugglers off the ground until Kix's form obstructed his view.
"I'll take care of him now, Commander." Medic prompted gently when Ahsoka didn't move from her spot. Reluctantly, she stepped back, letting the man take over applying pressure.
Ahsoka stood up, giving Kix space to work, but remained close by, her arms folded across her chest, eyes not leaving Fives for even a second. He probably should have felt weighed down by the intensity of her gaze but instead, a pleasant warmth flooded his chest. He scolded himself and cursed out loud, which coincided with the needle being pushed inside his shoulder, offering him the alibi he needed.
After releasing Fives from distress with painkillers and treating the wound with bacta, Kix glanced at Ahsoka.
"I'm fine." She answered as the medic's gaze asked her a silent question. She was covered in so much blood that she might have been as well wounded herself. "It's all this di'kut's blood." She said reproachfully but the anger was hardly directed at Fives. He searched for her eyes but Ahsoka was purposefully avoiding his gaze.
"Commander?" Rex called from afar.
"Coming." Ahsoka already made the first step towards Rex but stopped halfway to take one last look at Fives before approaching the Captain. Selfish as it was, Fives wanted her to stay. But simultaneously was afraid of what he might do or say if she looked at him again worriedly with those beautiful eyes.
"What have you done to upset the Commander so much?" Kix asked when the girl was already out of the earshot.
Fives looked up at Ahsoka. She was standing perfectly straight, hands clasped neatly behind her back, but Fives noticed that her fingernails were digging inside her palm. He had no idea how to answer that question, nor did he want to, so he just murmured something indistinctly. There was too much turmoil in his head to be able to explain anything to anyone. Thankfully Kix didn't dwell on the subject.
"Jesse wanted me to tell you that the match ended in a draw." His brother mocked. "Shame you weren't there to see it."
"Care to share how much you won on that bet?" Fives retorted dryly.
"Not gonna devastate my patient's condition more than it already is." Kix said while helping his brother up. Fives slung his good arm over the medic's shoulders and leaned against him. They slowly headed toward the gunship. "Guess you won't be doing an undercover mission any time soon." Kix noticed sarcastically as they walked past a wall smeared with Devaronian's blood and pierced by blaster bolts - tangible signs of the past fight.
Kix was somewhat right. Fives was coming back to his life as an ARC trooper, blue-white armour soon to replace these drenched-in-blood civvies. Being shipped to the battlefield again was only a matter of time.
But there was one detail that will fail to fit in this image of an exemplary trooper. His illicit feelings for Ahsoka didn't quite match the perfect picture, nor the GAR regulations. And Fives knew that this was one of the few things that his marksmanship and combat skills would not resolve. He had no idea how to deal with his irrationally fast-beating heart, how to put a leash on his greedy mind. So far, he had done a decent job of deceiving himself that his considerations towards Ahsoka were friendly at best. But how long will he be able to fool everybody else?
Fives entered the gunship and leaned tiredly against the wall with a heavy sigh. Yes, the undercover mission was finally over. But the cruel truth was that his pretending had only just begun. And if he didn't want anyone to find out, he'd better quickly become good at it.