Chapter 1: Epiphanies and Resolutions
"Time doesn't heal emotional pain, you need to learn how to let go."
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
Kakashi Hatake was less than excited for what the next morning would bring. Another year of academy graduates, another group of brats that would probably fail his bell test. With speed too fast for most to track, the jonin pulled down his mask, took the shot of sake in front of him, and had his face covered before anyone in the lively bar could notice he had moved. Standing five-eleven and built lean, his silver hair defied gravity and stuck straight up. His headband, stamped with the familiar spiral symbol of his village Konoha, covered his left eye, leaving only his right uncovered.
The man had no idea why the Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi, insisted on giving him a team every year. Not a single one had shown the teamwork necessary to prove to the Hatake that they would make a good squad, and even if they had, it wasn't like the cyclops would be a good sensei. No, if he took on a team, they were much more likely to die early, like everyone else Kakashi had tried to protect.
Heaving a deep sigh, he picked back up the file he had placed haphazardly on the bar and flipped it open, once more surveying the three genin he had been given this time. He would hand it to the old monkey, this particular group of brats was more interesting than any team he had been given to this point. The kunoichi of the year, the last Uchiha, and the Kyubi jinchuriki. Certainly an interesting trio.
Kakashi felt stabs of remorse as his eyes went over the pictures of Sasuke Uchiha and Naruto Uzumaki in particular. It was almost as if Sarutobi was trying to guilt him into training these kids. Obito's last living and loyal clansman and the son of his dead sensei. Certainly an apt reminder of how he had failed and what he had lost. And while he didn't know Sakura well, her file indicated she was infatuated with Sasuke much as Rin had for the gray-haired man.
He had often thought over the years if he should've done something for either Naruto or Sasuke. Naruto was his sensei's son, and based on what he knew of the boy, was desperate for anybody to acknowledge him as a person instead of a demon. While Kakashi had been less than capable of taking care of himself, much less a child in the wake of the Kyuubi attack, the cyclops had pondered more than once meeting Naruto. But how would he explain a sudden interest in the boy without tipping him or someone else off to his heritage? The fact that nobody had realized he was the son of the Yondaime, Minato Namikaze, from the kid's looks alone was a miracle in and of itself. It would paint a bigger target on his back than his status as a jinchuuriki.
Then there was Sasuke. Getting in touch with him had less danger involved, but it would be equally hard to justify, either to people in general or the boy himself. Sure more than a few people knew about Obito and how the Uchiha's death had affected Kakashi, and he had the Sharingan, but would that be enough for the lone survivor of the once proud clan? The child's file had said he was antisocial to an alarming degree. This would be especially true if Sasuke reacted poorly to somebody not part of his bloodline having the fabled dojutsu.
No, it was probably better that he had never reached out. What good would he have done anyway? He was an emotionally stunted, barely functional porn-addicted failure. Someone who couldn't protect his father, his teammates, his sensei, or anybody else he cared for…
Allowing his self-pity to consume him, he reached towards the inner pocket of his flak jacket where he stored his copy of Icha Icha Tactics, ready to immerse himself in the erotic literature. Then he heard a familiar booming voice behind him. "Kakashi my friend!"
Letting out another sigh, the copy-nin raised his hand at the bartender to signal for another shot as Gai Maito came up behind him and helped himself to the adjacent stool. Standing at an even six feet, Gai was an absolute nightmare to look at. He wore a green spandex suit with orange leg warmers and a red sash displaying his headband, and was possibly the most physically fit man in the Elemental Nations. He was also Kakashi's best friend. "Hey Gai, good to see you." Kakashi replied, his voice muted by the din of the bar.
"Kakashi!" The taijutsu specialist exclaimed, giving his signature nice guy pose. "I heard that you have been assigned another group of fresh genin! Any intention of passing this group?"
Immediately grabbing and downing the next shot as soon as it was placed in front of him, the silver-haired man held up two fingers. Gai was too stubborn to take a hint, so he supposed he would have company tonight. "I'm sorry Gai, did you say something?" He replied blithely.
"Urk! Curse you and your hip attitude Kakashi!" The spandex-clad ninja replied, shaking his fist. At least if Guy couldn't be quiet, he could be predictable.
The two continued amicable conversation from here, reducing the pace of their alcohol intake to maintain their chat. Well, if you could call Guy shouting boisterously and Kakashi pretending to not hear him half the time a "chat".
Around three drinks in, Kakashi was somewhat surprised when all the good humor left Gai's face. "You never did answer my question Kakashi. Think you'll give this team a chance to pass?"
Kakashi exhaled harshly as he placed his glass back down. "They always have a chance, Gai. If they can see through the objective of the bell test, then they'll pass."
Gai frowned in response, the expression looking out of place on his normally enthused face. "Still Kakashi, I've heard you've got a very interesting team this year. They are supposed to have a great deal of potential."
"Maybe they'll show it, maybe they won't. You know how it is." Kakashi shrugged off the question. "How is Lee and the rest of your team, by the way?"
"They are doing quite well, even though I wish Neji's flames of youth would burn brighter. But don't change the subject Kakashi. You've failed eight teams in a row. Be honest with me! Why are you so against having a genin team?"
Kakashi sighed again, something that was quickly becoming a theme for the evening. "It's just better that way, Gai. Even if the kids tomorrow pass, I'm not cut out to be a sensei. They'll probably get killed on their first chunin exams, if not their first C-rank mission." Just like everyone else.
"Give yourself more credit Kakashi! You're my eternal rival for a reason. Any young genin would be lucky to learn from you, and I'm sure your students would burn bright with youth despite your hip attitude!" Gai reassured, transferring back into a smile.
"We second that." Another male voice came from behind the two. Kakashi turned his head just enough to see Asuma and Kurenai walking up to the bar, taking the two stools to the left of Kakashi that Gai was occupying. Kurenai stood a respectable five foot six inches, wearing a unique scarlet outfit wrapped with white bandages, the dress-like article cut off at her upper thigh to avoid her legs being restricted. Asuma was a bear of a man, tan and bearded with a burly build and easy going nature that made him a natural leader. "Well, minus the weird youth part." The smoker said, lighting up a cigarette as he got comfortable.
"I agree with them Kakashi." Kurenai added. "You're a strong ninja who would be able to get a group of genin out of a bad situation alive."
"Not to mention your skills and what you have to teach." Asuma chimed back in, exhaling a lungful of smoke. "And your record as an ANBU captain speaks for itself. Over thirty S-rank missions in two years, and without a single man -"
"Or woman." Kurenai interjected, gazing at the Sarutobi with a look that said she didn't feel like she should've had to make that correction.
"Shinobi" Asuma corrected, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. "reported as a casualty."
"Those were all trained veterans. I'm not qualified to look after and teach genin so wet behind the ears they can't tell which end of the kunai is which." The cyclops replied, his tone a little harsher.
"Woah!" Asuma replied, his hands up in faux surrender. "No need to bite our heads off!"
Despite wanting to reply with indignant rage, Kakashi sighed and let his shoulders droop. "You're right, I'm sorry. It'll be a moot point if they don't pass anyway."
At his words, all his fellow sensei exchanged uneasy looks that the jonin easily picked up on. "What? Am I missing something?"
After a couple more seconds of silence, Gai finally said what was on their minds. "Kakashi, my friend, regardless of your unyouthful thoughts about yourself, I did not think you would be allowed to fail this group."
Despite his slight intoxication, Kakashi didn't think he was that drunk. "I'm sorry Gai, what was that? And I mean that seriously for once."
Another exchange of uneasy looks, and Asuma spoke next. "Well, I was going to see my dad a couple of days ago, and when I was walking up to his door, I heard him talking to that chunin, Iruka I think, about team assignments. They were talking about your team, and the old man said he was going to make sure you didn't fail them-"
And then, as if on cue and in a swirl of leaves, a mouse-masked ANBU appeared behind the group of jonin, wearing standard issue gear with his only identifying feature being the short brown hair atop his head. "Kakashi Hatake. The Hokage would like to speak with you as soon as possible."
Taking his last shot, the copy-nin nodded at his colleagues before turning to the new arrival. "No need to be so formal, Mouse. I think I need to talk to the Hokage myself."
Hiashi Hyuuga was not a good father. He would be the first to acknowledge this, though never directly to anyone. His appearance, tall and stern with long hair suitable to his position, further belied his inability to relate to his daughters. Ever since the loss of his wife Hitomi to complications during the birth of his youngest daughter Hanabi, any emotional intelligence he possessed withered and died, and even prior to her loss, she would likely have been the only person to describe him with words like "kind" and "loving". And unfortunately, while he was not a good father, he was an observant one, and he could easily tell that his methods for training his eldest daughter Hinata were not working.
The girl was undoubtedly a wallflower, something she must have gotten from her mother. Shy and gentle, the rigid training methods of his clan did not mesh well with her personality. It was bad enough that she had always been behind his nephew Neji, a branch house member, but lately even young Hanabi had been beating her sister with ease during spars. At the rate things were going, it would not be long before pressure from the clan elders forced his hand and made him mark her with the caged bird seal.
But despite not being a good father, despite being a cold man, he did love his children and wanted to put off seeing either of his daughters marked as long as possible. And the best way to put off that decision was Hinata improving rapidly enough that there was a reason the decision could be postponed. But Hiashi was unsure if that was liable to happen, hence why he was currently having an audience with the Hokage in the man's office.
Sarutobi exhaled a plume of tobacco smoke, shifting slightly in his chair as he looked across from the clan head. "And why do you feel your daughter will not be successful with her new genin team?" The old man asked tiredly, clearly still exhausted from the previous night's events involving the forbidden scroll. His already wrinkled and liver-spotted face looked as old as ever, his deceptively small frame hidden underneath the flowing red and white robes of the Hokage.
"Several reasons." Hiashi responded. "Namely her sensei and team function."
The old man raised one eyebrow at that response. "Sensei? Kurenai Yuhi is one of the most accomplished young jonin in the village, and is known as possibly the strongest genjutsu specialist this village has ever seen outside of bloodline limits."
"It is not that I do not feel she is a quality shinobi, but as you said, her specialty is genjutsu." The Hyuga explained. "And while I have great respect for her abilities, the Byakugan gives my daughter a natural advantage over genjutsu, making instruction on its finer points redundant. The Jyuken style's close-ranged nature also does not mesh well with genjutsu. In addition, Hinata has been in Kurenai's care as her retainer for some time, since she was displaced as clan heiress. While there is familiarity, I believe Kurenai may not push her to overcome her limitations due to their relationship."
Sarutobi sat back, seemingly pondering the clan head's words. "And the issue of the function of the team?"
Hiashi nodded. "A team and skill set that specializes in tracking would not be best for the development she needs to avoid a cruel fate." He said, a hint of bitterness entering his tone on the last words.
"The Caged Bird Seal." Hiruzen replied, his eyes narrowing. "That seal and your clan's division are a blight on the village's honor and the Will of Fire itself, Hiashi."
"I do not disagree with you sir." Hiashi replied, his words careful. Despite the mutual respect he enjoyed with his village's leader, this had been a sore point with whoever was wearing the hat the entire history of the Leaf. "However, without an alternative seal to protect our bloodline, the two house system isn't going anywhere. And if my daughter cannot improve her combat abilities soon, I worry she will be marked before she can reach Chunin in favor of her younger sister."
The old kage sighed heavily, reaching beneath his desk and pulling out a bottle of sake and two glasses. "I understand your predicament Hiashi. Would you like a glass?" The Hyuga shook his head in a polite decline, and Sarutobi chuckled before filling a glass for himself and putting away the spare. "Your prudence will lead you to a boring life, Hiashi."
He sipped his drink a bit, clearly pondering something, before speaking again. Hiashi's attention did not waver from the only man, as that was the respect commanded by the Professor. "There is only one solution I have for you Hiashi, and I doubt you will be particularly thrilled with this alternative."
"And the alternative would be?"
"I could switch her with Sakura Haruno and put your daughter on Team 7 under Kakashi Hatake. Her teammates would be Sasuke Uchiha and Naruto Uzumaki." Sarutobi elaborated before finishing off his drink and pouring another glass. "In truth, despite it going against the tradition of putting the top male and female graduates with the academy's dead last, that was the team composition I initially wanted."
The gears began turning in Hiashi's head as he processed this information. While he was less than thrilled at the idea of his daughter being on the same team as the Kyubi jinchuriki and the last Uchiha, he saw some of the advantages. "Based on those two and Sharingan Kakashi being their sensei, I take it this team is intended as an assault squad?"
"That is correct." Sarutobi confirmed. "I think Miss Haruno has great potential as a kunoichi, and her almost prodigious chakra control will make her a dream pupil for Kurenai. Not only that but based on her file, she has a rather unhealthy fixation on young Sasuke that would only grow worse if they were on the same team."
Now it was Hiashi's turn to raise an eyebrow. "If you feel so strongly about this, why is it that those were not the original teams in the first place?" He asked, perplexed.
The old man chuckled lightly. "In truth Hiashi, going with assignments I initially did was an effort to avoid meeting as we are now. I expected you would take great issue with your daughter being on a team with either Naruto, Sasuke, or both, given one is a pariah and the other is an Uchiha."
Hiashi saw why the Hokage had expected a reaction resulting from that arrangement. Many of his clan held ill feelings towards Naruto because of his burden, afraid of what could happen if he could not control the fox's power. And while there was not a person in his clan who held a personal grudge against Sasuke, it had historically been unheard of for Hyuga and Uchiha children to be on the same genin team, much less the two current clan heirs, due to the historically intense rivalry between the two families, topped only by the contempt held between the Uchiha and Senju. Then there were rumors about the boy's mental state to consider, ones that painted a less than flattering picture.
That being said…
"While I might have been less amicable to the idea if it had been the initial plan, I find it preferable to the alternative." Hiashi replied after only a moment of thought. "Though… I worry about the fitness of Hatake to teach. His record as shinobi is impeccable, but while I do not pretend to know the man, I have heard some… Concerning things regarding him as a person."
Sarutobi sighed. "And what are you specifically referring to?"
"Does the man have any desire to teach?" Hiashi replied to the question with a question. "He has failed eight teams in a row. While the exam does have a high fail rate, it is hard to believe eighteen potential genin were not good enough to be ninja."
"And here I thought your problem would be his blatant reading of porn in public." The old monkey replied, a small smile on his face.
"That is admittedly not an… Ideal personality trait. But considering Jiraiya-sama wrote them, I've accepted that the most powerful Konoha shinobi have a degenerate streak." The clan head replied, a tinge of annoyance in his voice. Evidently he had been trying to forget that little quirk. "I am far more concerned with the idea that he has something against being a sensei that could impact Hinata's development."
Hiruzen paused to reach into a small container on the edge of his desk, pinching more tobacco for his pipe. After reloading and taking another puff from the apparatus, he leaned back on his chair. "I understand your concerns Hiashi, but that is something I plan to deal with this evening. Without sharing stories that are not my own, I believe I know why Kakashi has been so reluctant to take a team to this point, and it has more to do with him than the idea of students itself. After our meeting concludes, I plan to have a conversation with him so an understanding can be made. In fact…"
Kakashi moved quickly across the rooftops of Konoha towards the Hokage tower, Mouse by his side. After a moment, he spoke. "Do you know why they think I have to take this team, Mouse?"
"Not sure," The ANBU replied, "but I think I have an idea. Your students are probably Sasuke Uchiha and Naruto Uzumaki, right?"
If the copy-nin had been a lesser ninja, he might have stumbled in surprise. "How did you know that?"
Somehow, the agent's mask couldn't hide his smirk. "Hard not to be aware of the last Uchiha and the village jinchuriki. If I had to guess, you're the only person that can teach Sasuke to use his sharingan, and outside of me and Jiraiya, you're best equipped to reign Naruto in if he loses control. It has to be you."
Kakashi saw the logic in that kind of thinking, but that didn't make him any happier about it. "Then you should be their sensei, not me. I'm not cut out for teaching kids, especially not these kids."
The two skidded to a stop in front of the Hokage tower. "That's not true. You taught me everything about what a shinobi is supposed to be. You freed me from ROOT, and you were the first person to acknowledge me for who I am, not whose cells I have."
The copy-nin looked at Tenzo, his single eye conveying exactly how much he disagreed with that sentiment. Yet Tenzo met his gaze unwaveringly. "It's true, sempai. And I'm not the only ANBU who feels that way. Most of us have learned something from you, be it a technique or how to conduct certain types of missions, to people like me, who learned how to be a true ninja of Konoha. You're a great teacher when you try to be."
"When I try?" Kakashi replied, seemingly having developed selective hearing. "What do you mean by that?"
"You tell me… Sir." Tenzo shrugged. "Well, I need to get back to patrol. Try not to keep the Hokage waiting." The agent then hopped off back to the rooftops, returning to his normal duties and leaving Kakashi to ponder his words as he walked up to the office.
'When I try?" The jonin thought to himself as he passed the receptionist, lazily waving his hand in response to the greeting from the receptionist. The Hatake would be the first to acknowledge that he was not the most high-effort person compared to the normal person, much less compared to himself when he was younger. But on important things, he always tried.
'Unless you could fail. Unless you could lose something. Then you try to avoid the situation entirely.' A small, dry voice replied in the back of his head. 'Just like always. Failure.'
At that thought, the silver-haired man stopped in front of the door to the hokage's office. It was true. He was a failure, and everyone he was supposed to protect died. He didn't think these things often, but evidently another group of genin was making him remember why he avoided teams and working with comrades when he could.
How could he trust himself to look after kids? He was an emotional wreck who somehow had zero emotional availability. There wasn't a snowball's chance in hell he would be able to coach a preteen through their first time killing, not when he wasn't sure if he had ever even processed his first kill, or just compartmentalized and moved on.
And even if they got through that, what about their first C-rank? His record on keeping subordinates alive on their first higher-ranking mission, regardless of what Tenzo said, would forever be piss-poor in his eyes after his first great failure. Not to mention the actual teaching portion. The copy-nin was well aware that progress in his own skills had ground to a standstill over the last couple of years since he had been decommissioned from ANBU. His competitions with Guy kept him from getting too rusty, but Kakashi shuddered to think of the team's odds if they had the misfortune to come up against one of those rare mislabeled missions. He could get himself out of any bad situation, but some random newbies?
Feeling his resolve harden, Kakashi came to a decision. He would go in, tell Sarutobi he was not cut out to be a teacher, and request a return to active ANBU duty. Being a cold, faceless agent of Konoha was probably all he was qualified for at this point anyway. Who knew, if he was lucky, maybe he would find someone who could kill him.
'Like father, like son.' That insidious little voice chimed back in. But no, it wasn't the same if somebody else did it, even if he was secretly hoping that somebody else would come along. Besides, he wouldn't be leaving anyone behind. Nobody really depended on him. Gai, Tenzo, and a couple other ANBU he had worked with, they might miss him. But they would move on easily enough.
Consumed entirely by his self-destructive train of thought, Kakashi knocked twice against the door. From the other side he heard the wizened old voice of Hiruzen Sarutobi call him in. He was surprised when he opened the door to see not only the old leader, but Hiashi Hyuuga, head of the esteemed Hyuuga clan.
"Isn't his daughter also in this new crop of genin?" Kakashi thought to himself. He was almost completely sober, and remembered from reading the full roster of graduates that her name was Hinata. "You wanted to see me, sir?"
The old man straightened himself out from his reclined position across from the clan head, clasping his hands together with his elbows against the table and leaning forward. In his eyes Kakashi saw a twinkle he was all too familiar with - it wasn't something that was good natured like in the eyes of many aged people, but rather a sign that he was still what he had been in his youth; the God of Shinobi, the longest serving Kage in history.
"Yes Kakashi, I did. It is convenient that Hiashi here stopped by when he did, as now I have more than one reason to speak with you." Sarutobi replied, his tone serious. "I wish to speak with you about recent team assignments for the new batch of genin."
The Hatake tensed slightly. "Seems like plenty of things are convenient tonight. I wanted to talk to you about the same thing."
"Is that so?" The Hokage replied. Hiashi sat silently watching and listening to the exchange, his face betraying none of his thoughts. "Well, I believe I shall go first. Sakura Haruno will now be Kurenai Yuhi's Team 8. Hiashi's eldest daughter, Hinata, will join Team 7."
Kakashi went from slightly tense to a living statue with these words. The Hyuuga clan heiress?
"In addition to this, I will let you know right now that the expectation this time is that this team will pass and become ninja of Konoha." Hiruzen finished, leaning back again and bringing his pipe to his lips. "You cannot fail these three, Kakashi."
There was a pregnant pause as the jonin's brain ran at Gai-level speeds. He had come in expecting to be told this when he came in. However, that was before he had the Hyuuga Heiress on his prospective team in addition to the last Uchiha and the Kyuubi jinchuuriki. He would need to tread carefully in front of Hiashi. "They will pass if they pass my test, Lord Hokage." He ground out slowly.
"And they will pass, Kakashi. No matter how many chances you must give them. They must." The village leader responded evenly yet firmly.
The room was silent for a moment longer before Kakashi spoke again. "And why must they?"
"I'm rather interested in your reasons for that choice of wording as well, Lord Hokage." Hiashi finally spoke up.
Hiruzen took another puff of his pipe, smoke rushing from his nostrils as he sighed heavily. He reached to grab his bottle of sake, filling his cup and taking another sip of the liquor before continuing. "What I say is not to be repeated outside of this room. Both of you."
The elder ninja met both their eyes as if to hammer this home before continuing. "Konoha is on the decline." He paused again, gauging their reactions. Both men kept their faces schooled, but both were surprised at the frankness of their leader's words. "On the surface, we are as strong as ever. Missions flow in easily and readily, our civilian sector is prosperous and enjoys liberties not available in other hidden villages. We have more bloodline limits than any other village, and our village's defensive capabilities are unmatched thanks to the forests that surround us."
He brought his glass to his lips, finishing its contents and placing it back down before continuing. "However, that is all just on the surface. We are still not fully recovered from the Kyuubi attack despite it being more than a decade ago. Our alliance with Suna is on shaky ground thanks to the actions of their Daimyo. We sit on an island where if one of our enemies elects to attack, others jealous of our dominance since the third war will join and we will find ourselves overwhelmed and alone."
There was complete silence in the room for several moments before Hiashi finally spoke up. "This is all… Disconcerting to hear, Lord Hokage. But I do not understand how it pertains to the newest genin teams."
The Hokage smiled, the act tinged with a bitter sardonicism. "Because all of that has been true for the entirety of Konoha's existence. Always showing a veneer of strength despite crisis after crisis. No, the problem arises from the absence of what has always offset these issues over the years; truly exceptional shinobi."
Sarutobi leaned forward again before continuing. "Currently, myself and my student Jiraiya are the most powerful ninja active in Konoha's forces. After that is likely you Kakashi, and Gai Maito, though I hope you won't take offense when I say the gap is wide. A few clan heads, like yourself Hiashi, as well as Shikaku Nara and Inoichi Yamanaka, are also at the level of elite jonin."
"However, despite that, I am old. Jiraiya is never in the village, while clan heads always must be. We lost so many promising ninja between the attrition of the third war and the Kyuubi attack immediately after, most importantly the Fourth Hokage, that the current generation lacks the notoriety our best held in the age the Sannin, let alone when my predecessors' singular capabilities kept our enemies in check. After the defections of my wayward student Orochimaru and Itachi Uchiha, I believe this may be the weakest Konoha's forces have ever been as a whole."
The Hokage paused now. Both men were starting to comprehend the point he was building to, their eyes widening. "This particular graduating class has almost limitless potential. The heirs to every major clan in the village, most noticeably young Sasuke. Many academy teachers are saying he is the most promising student they have ever seen. Not to mention Naruto. How familiar are you both with the incident two days ago involving the boy?"
The sudden question jarred both men out of their rapt silence. Sharing a quick glance, Kakashi confirmed that the Hyuuga next to him was not particularly well informed either. The jonin spoke up, "I understand Naruto took the scroll on false orders from one of the academy instructors. He succeeded in doing so… Which begs the question, how did he manage to steal it from your office?"
The Hokage blushed slightly, the first sign of any levity the room had seen all night. "Young Naruto has a very creative mindset when it comes to new techniques." Clearing his throat and unknown to the other two men, trying to forget the image of a buxom blonde, the Hokage continued. "The boy managed to learn the shadow clone jutsu in just one night before incapacitating the rogue instructor Mizuki. Iruka Umino was injured in the incident, but gave Naruto a field promotion to genin that I later approved due to his actions protecting the scroll and his teacher." The Hokage paused. "Iruka told me he created well over one hundred clones without any real exertion."
Both men processed this new information. The shadow clone jutsu was not a technique easily learned by a jonin, and even then a strong ninja with respectable reserves like Kakashi could only make a dozen before exhausting himself. Not to mention the shadow clone jutsu's auxiliary abilities…
That boy had the potential to be an absolute monster on the battlefield even without the power of the Kyuubi.
"I will be frank." Sarutobi continued after allowing his previous statement time to sink in. "A team with the potential offered by not just those two, but Hinata as well, could be a new generation of the sannin. Even your daughter is praised highly by her teachers at the academy Hiashi - and many wonder how much more she would excel if not for her timid nature and lack of confidence."
"We - and by we I mean the village - need not only for this team to pass, but for them to realize their full potential. Out of all the ninjas under my command, I believe you, Kakashi, to be the most capable of seeing them to that potential alive and well."
There was another pregnant pause before someone broke the silence. This time it was Kakashi who spoke, his tone betraying anger. "You may sir, but you're wrong. There's no way I can make those kids what you're asking for."
The Hokage sighed. "You may not believe so Kakashi, but you are perhaps the least objective person to judge that. Despite how you view yourself, you did nothing but prove yourself to be an excellent leader and teacher in your time in ANBU." His eyes softened for a moment, then hardened. "I know you hold yourself personally responsible for a great deal. But as much as I need those three to reach their potential, I need you to reach yours even more."
The last statement from his leader brought Kakashi's anger to a dumbfounded halt. He was so surprised that it was not him who spoke next, but Hiashi. "And what does that mean, Lord Hokage? While my reservations about Hatake as a teacher are unaddressed, a ninja of his fame and skill is rarely seen."
"You're quite right, Hiashi." The Third replied good-naturedly. Finally satisfied with his vices, he placed the sake and his pipe back in his drawer. "However, Kakashi is capable of so much more."
Suffering from more genuine mental whiplash than he had in years, the jonin couldn't keep the confusion out of his tone when he finally choked out, "Why? How?"
The old man smiled, this time in a manner reminiscent of a grandfather advising a child. "Do you know, that after Obito died -" Hiruzen pretended not to notice Kakashi recoil as if slapped - "Minato told me that I may be better off holding onto the hat another eight years, until you were ready? That he believed you could be not just stronger, but better than him?" Then the smile fell from Sarutobi's face. "And then Rin died. I had never seen him so anguished, not only because Rin was gone, but he believed you had lost your will of fire."
This time silence reigned in the room for several minutes, uncomfortable and thick. Even through his mask anyone would have been able to tell Kakashi was absolutely shell-shocked, not even remembering Hiashi was in the room. The Hyuuga himself was stoic, but internally wondering if it was proper for him to hear much of what had just been said. The Hokage kept a warm smile on his face, eyes twinkling pleasantly now.
Finally coming out of his stupor, Kakashi slouched, unsure how to respond. He wanted to get angry, to yell at his leader how wrong the man was, but every single weakness in his armor of self-loathing had been hit. Had his teacher really thought so highly of him?
"I am old, Kakashi." The Hokage's smile finally relented, and he looked suddenly ancient, and much more fragile than he should have. "And I worry that even then, I may live to see the Will of Fire snuffed out for good." Both of the other men in the room were once again giving him their full, undivided attention. "It must be carried on, as it was by your teacher, your teammates… Even by your father."
The son of the White Fang snapped to attention at the mention of his long dead sire. Anger finally dominated his mind again, but only for a moment. Now, he understood why his father had saved his comrades… He even understood, to some degree, why his father would want to take his own life. Pulling himself away from painful memories, he met Hiruzen Sarutobi's eyes once more.
In those eyes, he saw the man who had once been the most splendid shinobi alive, lacking in the special techniques, bloodlines, or physical traits, but with thorough and unmatched mastery of all the shinobi arts. He had heard the rumors comparing himself to the Professor, but they focused simply on the breadth of techniques. Not a soul would say he came that close compared to the man now, let alone in his prime.
And this man, this titan of his era, was asking him to be what Minato Namikaze had thought he could be. How could he refuse? Kakashi couldn't even be angry.
"... I'll… I'll try, Lord Hokage. That is all I can promise for now."
"You will succeed. Because you must." The Hokage's moment of vulnerability passed, and he was once again the leader of Konoha. "Now go. I expect you to be on time to pick up your team tomorrow. Dismissed."
Kakashi nodded slowly, turning and leaving the office. The door closed, and a moment passed before Hiashi finally spoke up. "If I may ask, Lord Hokage… It sounds as if you mean to have Kakashi succeed you?"
Hiruzen pursed his lips, looking first past Hiashi as if thinking about something far away, before focusing on the clan head and responding. "Perhaps. Time is certainly going on without any progress being made on finding someone who can wear this hat."
His expression grew hard. "Which brings me to the reason that I would have called you here soon regardless of the team placements. The real reason you heard all of that."
"My Lord?" Hiashi responded, for the first time in the evening, letting confusion enter his tone.
The Hokage leaned forward again. "I need you to reach out to your old sensei." He said as Hiashi's eyes widened.
Kakashi wandered out of the Hokage tower, digesting everything he had just learned. When he had gone in, he had been expecting a tense argument. Instead he was blindsided by a frankness he had never seen from the old man before. He was aware that the village hadn't put out any big names recently. Kurenai had actually been Konoha's last new entry to the bingo books, and that was six months ago.
He considered some of the rumors he had heard coming out of the other villages lately. Iwa was largely quiet, but they would always jump at the opportunity to antagonize Konoha. There were rumors that one of Kumo's jinchuuriki had full control over his beast, plus a general aversion to the post-war demilitarization efforts of the last several years. Suna supposedly had a young ninja with significant power and bloodlust that was theorized to be the current container of the one-tail. The civil war in Mizu was reportedly coming to a close, meaning they could very well become a threat again, especially if they could rebuild the seven swordsmen and rediscover some bloodlines.
Meanwhile, he had not done anything of note since the months following the Kyuubi attack, and he was easily the village's most noteworthy ninja outside of the Hokage and Jiraiya. He barely remembered those days following the attack. His legs carried him mindlessly as he fell into the memories of those days.
He had been absolutely destroyed by Minato and Kushina's deaths in the aftermath. They were his surrogate parents, and with them gone he truly felt alone in the world. But regardless of his personal issues, Konoha was weak. They, like all other villages, were still recovering from the events of the third war. The devastation of the Kyuubi attack undid all of the progress and then some, as Konoha had never been directly attacked in the entirety of the war.
Practically all of the elemental nations had sent covert agents, smelling blood and hoping to further pry open the wound. ANBU teams, even whole platoons of elite troops were fended off in the following months as they ran all manner of sabotage. It was during this time that Gai had made his name, single-handedly defeating a squad of Kumo ANBU attempting to sabotage a major trade route between Konoha and Tea country by opening six gates. They had gone back to their village with terrified tales of "Konoha's Green Beast", and one week later Gai was in the bingo books. Asuma had also gotten a medal for preventing an attempt on the Daimyo's life by Kusa ninja that were rumored to have been hired indirectly by the Tsuchikage.
It was during this time that Kakashi had made his name as well. Iwa had sent an emissary to the Fourth Raikage proposing a joint venture after Gai's victory. They had both contributed troops of high quality, most jonin and ANBU, to a force that numbered roughly two hundred strong. The group converged in Rice country, planning to head directly south through the Land of Fire to attack the still rebuilding Konoha while it was weak.
Intelligence uncovered after the fact indicated that they had three main goals; to kill the Third Hokage and Jiraiya, who was in the village at the time due to its vulnerability, damage the remaining infrastructure, and make off with as many young Hyuuga and Uchiha as possible to gain their fabled dojutsu for the villages.
If the mission had been completely successful - though Kakashi highly doubted that either the Third or Jiraiya would have actually fallen - the Leaf would have been crippled past the point of no return, and the fourth shinobi war would have broken out. When spies managed to get a message to Konoha warning of the planned attack, the numbers were grossly underreported, with the opposing force said to be in the dozens. Kakashi had been sent with a team of twenty ANBU to assess the situation and report back. It had been both his first mission as an ANBU captain, as well as his first S-Rank mission.
When the Hatake and his team had found the much larger army on the border, he had not thought twice. He told his team to retreat as fast as they could to the village to get reinforcements. There had been much a great deal of arguing, as his team saw no point in him senselessly throwing his life away. He had done nothing but assure them calmly that he had no intention of dying, and that with his skills in assassination and infiltration, he would be able to kill their leaders and sow discord while they worked to bring a suitable force to back him up. They had trusted his assurances and left for the village, thinking he would be careful and methodical as he promised.
He had been lying. For the first and only time in his life, Kakashi tried to kill himself. Maybe not as his father had with his own hands, but all the same, he had no intention of survival. Filled with rage and anguish from all he had lost, he had planned to take as many enemy ninja with him as possible.
The following five days were the longest of Kakashi's life. He would not die senselessly charging the overwhelming force head on. He had spent the first day playing it smart - gathering information, identifying patrol patterns, determining leaders from subordinates, and mapping out camps during the night. The second day he made his first few attacks, poisoning water supplies and taking out the occasional isolated watchman. The third day the force began moving south and he harassed them as they moved. By the end of the third day, the leaders of the invading force realized they were missing close to two dozen men, and knew they were under attack.
On the fourth day Kakashi had grown bolder. He began using guerrilla tactics, hiding in the forests that served as Konoha's greatest natural defenses only to burst out and take out entire scout patrols, fading back into the shadows before the force at large could pin him down and overpower him. By the end of the fourth day he had been awake for ninety-six hours and was running on nothing but soldier pills and pure determination. The enemy force had been cut down to maybe one-hundred and fifty ninja.
On the morning of the fourth day, Kakashi decided to break their backs. Remembering a trick he had only recently learned from Gai, the younger scarecrow had opened two of the hidden gates and blitzed the enemy camp. Using Obito's Sharingan as he never had before, he hit his enemy hard and fast before fading back and using mass genjutsu to hide, only to strike again. His personal record of fifteen chidoris in a one day was set then, and his repertoire of lightning and earth techniques expanded dramatically as he turned the jutsu of the erstwhile force against them.
In the end, a force of two-hundred Konoha shinobi led by Jiraiya himself had arrived the evening of that fifth day to find only fifty terrified elite enemy shinobi staring down an exhausted but defiant Kakashi, far past the end of his limits but facing down death with nothing but a focused glare.
Upon seeing his reinforcements, the enemy's spirit broke completely and they went into a full blown route. Only a couple dozen members of the enemy force made it into Rice country, and they carried home with them tales of the Copy-Cat ninja who outclassed the Uchiha themselves in use of the fabled Sharingan.
Said copy-cat woke up in the hospital back in the village three days later, dealing with severe malnutrition and sleep deprivation, as well as heavily strained chakra coils to go with countless bone fractures and muscle tears from the use of two gates.
In front of his teammates the Hokage had praised Kakashi's selflessness and skills. Once they were alone, the old man had berated the young ANBU for his utter lack of self-preservation. Now Kakashi understood better why he had reacted that way. Only one month into his second stint as Hokage and still mourning his wife, Hiruzen had nearly seen a person he apparently believed had the potential to take the hat off his head try to die.
Kakashi came to a stop and looked up, already knowing where his feet had carried him as he wandered. Looking up at Konoha's memorial stone, his eyes passed over the same names he always read each and every time he stood in front of this stone for hours on end.
Obito Uchiha.
Rin Nohara.
Kushina Uzumaki.
Minato Namikaze.
After he single-handedly stopped the invading force, Kakashi threw himself entirely into his job. He personally had a hand in more than half of the S-Rank missions Konoha had received over the next ten years. He never again put himself in a position as hopeless, but he constantly took the riskiest positions, the tallest tasks, all in the name of the mission and his comrades while secretly hoping he would finally die in spite of his best efforts to stay alive, so he could face all those had failed with his head held high in the next life. Instead he had lived and lived and lived, until finally the Hokage saw what his goal was and discharged him from the black ops organization.
Come to think of it, that was when most of his bad habits had arisen, all the reading porn in public, the constant nonchalant attitude, and all the time he spent at the Memorial stone. He hadn't really adopted Obito's constant habit of showing up late to everything until then either.
'Did you really think I could be better than you sensei?' Kakashi thought to himself, not believing the thought. Had the Third just said that to guilt him? No, it must have been true; lying about something like that was far from the old man's usual modus operandi.
Looking up from the memorial stone, Kakashi took in the moon. It had been full the night before and was just now beginning to wane. He felt like he was awake for the first time in a while. How long had it been since he had pondered anything but what he had lost in front of this rock? Now he was being faced with quite the dilemma.
He had not truly wanted to live in so long, for he had outlived every person he had truly cared for except maybe Guy. Lacking in purpose after leaving ANBU - even if his purpose then had been as depressing as his own death in a way his fallen friends and family would not be ashamed of - he had allowed his skills to atrophy and rot, believing he was useless and broken.
How close, he wondered, would he be to Minato-sensei's level if he had spent the last four years after ANBU continuously pushing himself to grow and improve instead of doing the bare minimum to maintain his skills? If he was being honest with himself, while his body had fully matured and his physical attributes had increased suitably, his technique was likely worse in all categories than it had been.
He thought back again to the Third, when he had let down his mask of strength. He had seemed so weak, so weary of the burdens of leadership. The man was long past his time to be sending young men and women to their deaths, to continue to decide the fate of his home every single day. He was at a point where he should have been focused instead on his grandchildren and the time he had left, but the Kyuubi attack had taken both his peace and his wife.
"What would you say if you were here?" He said out loud, seemingly to nobody but directing the question at the specters of his past. He could hear their replies clear as day.
'You are my only student, Kakashi. I'm proud of you for making it so far… But you can go so much farther.'
'Come on Kakashi, you're better than this! You can't let yourself down - and you better not let my son down, you know?!'
'Kakashi, you know I don't blame you. But you have to live; for me, Obito, sensei… And most importantly yourself.'
'Come on, is this the guy who was my rival? I gave you my eye and all you can do is mope around the village and not even teach some kids? That's so lame.'
Finally, one last voice came into his mind, a voice he had not heard since he was a child. 'You're so much more than you think, son. Be the man I know you can be, and never forget why you will become that man.'
Kakashi lifted up his headband, exposing his Sharingan eye to the moon above him. The voices may not have been real, but they were correct. He had spent far too long drowning in self-pity when he could have been more. An older brother to Naruto, a guiding hand to Sasuke, a leader in his village. He could have been what the village lost when Minato died.
Searing the image of that moon into his mind, he swore solemnly on this day one thing to himself. And that one thing was simple.
From this day forward, he would be a new man. A better sensei than Minato, a more skilled and powerful shinobi than his father. He would no longer be consumed by his failures, but would instead strive forward with purpose towards a better tomorrow.
Little did he know, it was this small decision made within himself, about himself, that would shake the world to its very core and shape the future for many years to come.
A/N added 10/29/22
I was so excited when I finally finished revising and editing this that I posted it without an Author's note - didn't help that I was at work at the time and I shouldn't have been revising and editing a fanfic.
It's weird to be back here - I haven't posted anything since I was 17, and I'm currently 25. Life comes at you fast. Kakashi is my favorite character in Shippuden, but there's a reason there are so many bashing fics written about him from back in the day. Looking at you, PerfectLionheart. He didn't do much in part one, and especially after seeing exactly how talented and intelligent he was early in life, he comes across as especially lacking in the original series. So here I am looking to change that.
I'm making smaller changes to other characters to make them more active, such as the Third Hokage, who I think catches a lot of deserved flak. That said, instead of him getting called out on his shortcomings, well... He's smart enough to self-evaluate. At least in my story. Hinata being on Team 7 is also a big change I wish had been the original story. I actually love the character Sakura becomes, and have plans for her, but Hinata will be able to connect to the lore in a way Sakura just can't.
There is one other character who will have large portions of their background changed - there will be AU elements here, though nothing massive in the grand scheme of things - and it's alluded to in this chapter. Y'all will probably know who in chapter 2.
I'll update as quick as I can - I work a fair bit, so this one took me three months to write, but the positive reviews I have gotten have the juices flowing right now, so this one shouldn't take nearly as long. Thanks to everyone for those. Until next time!