AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I have noticed and been informed that e-mail updates are beginning to work again on the website! If you're here now and realize that you haven't heard from me in a while, that would be why! I have updated this story three or four times since the website began having issues with sending alerts a little over a month ago. If this is your first time here in a while, please go through and catch up on recent updates so that you're not confused with the storyline, and please drop a review below! I'd love to hear your thoughts and any ideas you may have (make sure to follow this story too so that you never miss another update!). Thank you so much to everyone who has been consistently reading and reviewing thus far. I appreciate all of you so much!

Chapter 33: Sorry is the Hardest Word

SEBASTIAN

The twin-sized bed that Sebastian woke up in was unpleasantly cold, thanks to the absence of another person's body heat to accompany him. That, coupled with the morning light streaming through the blinds directly into his eyes, meant that Sebastian's day was off to quite a bad start. Squeezing his eyelids closed as tightly as he could, Seb rolled over, suddenly all too aware of the pounding headache he was experiencing.

It didn't take long before he realized where he was as the events of the night found him, one by one.

The 'Blamtina' trio, his fight with Artie, how he'd stormed out and headed straight to Scandals, his conversation with Blaine, executing his homemade formula to seduce the guy whose bed he was currently in… As the memories of the night came creeping back, so did the heavy, dreadful sense of remorse.

As it turned out, Sebastian's man of the night– he still had yet to learn his name– was a football player at the University of Lima. Apparently, they stayed on campus all summer for pre-season practices, and thanks to the fact that the campus was otherwise empty aside from athletes, Blonde Guy had his room to himself. No roommate in sight. This was ideal since Sebastian preferred to make a stealthy exit in the morning if he could help it. The fewer witnesses the better.

There were a couple of noises– thumps, bumps, and things of the sort– indicating that someone was moving around the room. Sebastian– curious to find out what the ruckus was all about– slightly opened one eye to sneak a peek. As his vision cleared, he noticed that Blonde Guy had slipped out of the bed they'd shared last night and was now rifling through the drawers of his dresser.

"Looking for something?" Sebastian asked dryly, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

Blonde Guy spun around, and the shocked expression on his face told Sebastian that he was guilty of having been caught.

"Sorry, I was trying to be quiet. I didn't want to wake you up," Blonde Guy told him apologetically, scratching the back of his neck. "But, uh, now you're awake anyway. So, uh, good morning… um…?"

"Oh," Sebastian said, realizing that Blonde Guy was racking his brain for Sebastian's name– probably wondering if he'd misplaced it in his previous drunken state, when, in fact, Sebastian had never shared it to begin with. "Sebastian."

"Morning, Sebastian," he repeated, smiling and reminding Sebastian of why he'd fallen for the other guy in the first place. "I'm Hudson. I, uh, suppose that we probably could have done this introduction last night. Before…"

"Yeah," Sebastian cut him off, knowing what the other guy meant. "I guess we could have."

"Um, so, anyway…" Hudson stammered, glancing down at the handful of clothes he was carrying and seemingly remembering what had woken Sebastian up in the first place. "Sorry again for waking you up. But I, uh, need to get in the shower. The team practices at nine-thirty on Tuesday mornings."

"Seems early."

"It is. I think it's supposed to dissuade players from going out drinking the night before. But, well…"

"Right," Sebastian nodded. "And when you get back from the shower, I won't be here."

These pleasantries were getting increasingly more uncomfortable by the second. He wished that he hadn't alerted Blonde Guy– Hudson– to his consciousness in the first place, thereby avoiding the awkwardness. Sebastian could have just snuck out while the other guy was in the shower, sparing them both from what they were doing right now. It was the least that the universe could do for him in his current deathly hungover state, and yet, it didn't seem like the universe wanted to do him any favors.

"Exactly."

Sebastian nodded his understanding. Hudson was in a tricky bind, and it was most of the reason why Sebastian tended to never put himself in the position of being the host of the night. It was much easier to be politely told, 'You've overstayed your welcome, please get lost' than it was to be the person trying to form that sentence.

That, and because Sebastian still lived with his parent. Maybe next year– in college, when he has his own place– he'd feel differently. Until then, though, Sebastian didn't mind being the one to make an early morning exit.

"Well, uh, nice to meet you, Hudson. Good luck with everything. Maybe I'll see you around."

Hudson gave him a half-smile, tossing a towel over his shoulder as he prepared to go across the hall to the communal bathroom. "Yeah, maybe. Have a nice day, Sebastian. See ya."

Hudson headed out the door, and Sebastian tried to mask his mortification as his head throbbed.

Seb wasn't sure how many drinks he'd had, but each one of them had been sufficiently strong. The bartender had known he was having a tough time and had treated him well accordingly.

Sebastian quickly got dressed, gathered his belongings (which only consisted of his wallet and keys), and called a taxi to bring him back to Scandals. No, not for more drinking. Sebastian vowed never to drink like that again, though even he knew that was a promise he couldn't keep. 'Never again' was something he said far too often for something he tended to enjoy all too much before the side effects kicked in a few hours later. He was headed back to the bar to retrieve his car, which had remained parked there overnight.

Sebastian may have been residually drunk and hungover to the max, but even through his present haze, he could still feel the embarrassment that came along with his almost comically conspicuous walk of shame as he waited on the curb outside the dorm building for the taxi he called. When the car pulled up to the sidewalk, Sebastian ducked inside as quickly as he could, hoping to avoid being seen by any other sexy University of Lima athletes who happened to be passing by or glancing out their window at that moment. Did the car have to be such a bright and obvious yellow?! Ugh.

That went incredibly smoothly and was not embarrassing at all, Sebastian sarcastically thought to himself after giving the cabbie the address and settling into the back seat.

The bright sunlight continued to hurt his head and feed his pounding migraine, so Sebastian closed his eyes. Finding some slight relief in resting his forehead against the cool window, Sebastian was unable to push away the realization of what awaited him when he arrived home. He'd be returning to the scene of the crime, and his stomach churned anxiously at the thought of what lay ahead.

He needed to apologize for the way he'd acted last night, Sebastian knew that much. He also knew that however simple of a solution it appeared to be, it wasn't as easy as it seemed. From where Seb stood, he and Artie were on the same team– he had been fighting on Artie's behalf, after all! But the other guy didn't want him to do that. His brother didn't need to be protected or looked out for. Sebastian knew that he needed to respect that, no matter how difficult it felt for him. He needed to make things right between himself and Artie, and apologizing was the first step of that.

The only problem with that was how much Sebastian loathed apologizing. He couldn't help but avoid it like the plague– it just wasn't him.

See: the events of last winter.

Scratching Blaine's cornea with rock salt had been an accident (and so he actually did feel bad about that), but everything else… not so much. The name-calling, playing dirty, taking Santana Lopez by surprise with a slushie facial while she was wearing that ridiculous outfit after their 'Smooth Criminal' duel… that was all in good fun! He was even kind of proud of those. Therefore, no apologies were given.

But between then and now, something had shifted. Sebastian guessed that he had Dave Karofsky to thank for that, despite barely knowing the guy.

Dave and Sebastian were both regulars at Scandals, but other than that, their paths never crossed. Dave had tried to flirt with him once, and Sebastian had shot him down… with a handful of insults. They were acquaintances at best, and yet, when Sebastian had heard the news of Dave's suicide attempt, he'd been stopped in his tracks.

In an instant, Sebastian had learned that his actions and his words had meaning and consequences. Sometimes even dire ones. He felt guilty for the way he'd treated Dave. What Sebastian had thought of as a little jab– a harmless comment– had played a role in something much bigger. He wasn't any better than the guys who had tormented Dave every day at school once they found out he was in the closet.

Sebastian's guilt about the small role he'd played in pushing Dave to the edge would have eaten him alive if it hadn't been for Artie.

Sebastian knew that he couldn't continue on this path of being an asshole to every person he came into contact with. Life was too short. Artie had heard him out and encouraged him to change for the better. He had helped Sebastian apologize to Blaine and the New Directions, and– Artie didn't know this– but Sebastian had even sent Karofsky a text, apologizing for what he'd said in the past. He'd never heard back, but then again, he hadn't expected to. Sebastian wasn't expecting to be forgiven. He knew that many of his actions were reprehensible. He just wanted Dave Karofsky to know he was genuinely sorry.

Up until the events of last year, Sebastian hadn't been entirely familiar with this overwhelming, heavy feeling of remorse that he'd so often heard about.

Things were different now.

Nowadays, Sebastian felt like there was always something he needed to apologize for. He was constantly messing up, taking things too far, and accidentally hurting the people he cared about in the process. When would he learn from his actions? When was enough going to be enough?

You ruin everything you touch, Sebastian internally chastised himself. No wonder nobody wants to be around you. Can you blame them?

The drive home from Scandals was a quick one, made easier by the fact that Sebastian's sunglasses were in his car's center console. The Ray-Bans made having his eyes open bearable even though the constant state of self-loathing made him want to close them again.

With each street Sebastian passed, he got closer to meeting his unavoidable fate at home.

How would Artie react? Would he still be mad at him? Artie wasn't really the kind to hold a grudge, but Sebastian supposed that there was a first time for everything. Having Artie's approval felt like a strange, lame badge of honor, and Seb longed for it. Sebastian wanted desperately to please his step-brother. He didn't want to let him down.

Sebastian mustered the courage to turn his key in the front door, and once inside, he could hear voices coming from the kitchen. Sebastian kicked off his shoes and shoved his hands in his pockets as he prepared to follow in the direction of the conversation he could hear happening from down the hall.

"You want the rest of this protein shake I made? It's too chalky for me."

"No, I don't drink that stuff."

"Maybe you should start. You could afford to bulk up some more."

"You're an ass, you know that?"

"At least I have one!"

Sebastian watched Artie shake his head at his older brother's jokingly snide remark. The Abrams boys had seemingly just gotten home from the gym. Their brown hair was struck with partially dried sweat, going every which way, and both were still dressed in their workout clothes– Griff in shorts and a muscle tanktop, and Artie in a Sue Sylvester-esque Adidas sweatsuit.

"Well, would you look at what the cat dragged in!" Griffin cheerily announced as he dumped what remained of his unwanted protein shake down the sink. "You look like you had a restful night of sleep."

Sebastian grimaced as he allowed his step-brother to poke fun at him. Storming out mid-argument, then showing up the next morning in the same outfit he'd left in last night was a humbling experience for sure. Sebastian knew that he deserved a lot of things, and to be made fun of for his current appearance was pretty fair indeed.

"Hey," Artie said, his voice absent of any resentment or disdain, far from what Sebastian had expected to come home to this morning.

"Hi."

Artie had been seated beside the stove, using a free space of the lowered countertop as a makeshift table, but now placed his plate on his lap and moved to take up his usual spot at the kitchen table where a chair was already pulled away for him. Finding himself in front of Artie now, Sebastian didn't even know where to begin with all he wanted to say.

"Seems like you two have some talking to do," Griffin observed, probably having already heard all about Artie and Sebastian's big argument the night before from Artie. "I'll leave you to it," he said, stepping out of the room respectfully to give the boys a moment alone.

Artie surprised Sebastian by being the first to speak up. "Wanna sit?"

Seb nodded silently, taking a seat at the kitchen island, finding himself to be uncharacteristically nervous and keeping some distance between them.

"Artie, I…"

Seb willed himself to say the words. I'm sorry. His brain was begging him to speak, but his mouth wasn't listening. C'mon Sebastian, 'I'm sorry'. Say it. Why is it so hard?

"I shouldn't have flipped out the way that I did," Sebastian said. "I had thought I was doing you a favor by keeping an ear out and being concerned, but you're right. It's your choice, and I overstepped. I… I'm sorry."

Sebastian felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest as he waited what felt like years for Artie's response. Artie was silent and appeared to be thinking over Sebastian's words for a moment before settling on a nod. Sebastian sighed with relief.

"I believe you," Artie told him. "Listen, Seb, I get it."

"Get what?"

"What you thought you were doing. Or, what you were trying to do… for me," Artie said. "I… appreciate you caring and wanting to look out for me, but…"

His voice trailed off. Sebastian finished Artie's thought for him.

"But you don't want to be looked out for."

Artie hesitated for a moment before nodding. "If I spent time dwelling on all the times I've been left out of something, I wouldn't have time for anything else. I figure it's best to just… let these things happen and not try to push back. I only have so much fight in me, and it's not worth wasting the energy. Not on this."

"I know," Sebastian insisted. This was the same thing Artie had told him the last time they had this conversation. Sebastian hadn't wanted to hear it then, but he'd make a better effort to abide by Artie's wishes this time, he decided. "I hear you, okay? I'll butt out."

Artie looked like he wasn't sure if he believed Sebastian, but he nodded anyway.

"So… where did you go last night?" Artie wondered, changing the subject slightly as he moved what remained of the eggs on his plate around with his fork. "I waited up for you, but you didn't come home…"

"Scandals," Sebastian replied simply. "And the University of Lima after that. I much prefer a twin bed when there's only one person in it."

Artie's eyes comically bugged out of his head at that information. "You shared a twin bed?! With another guy?"

Seb chuckled. "Uh… yeah. That's, you know, typically what you do when you hook up with a college guy and stay the night." It was almost as if Artie's eyes were permanently widened with shock, which amused Sebastian. He stood up from his seat at the kitchen island and clapped Artie on the shoulder. "You'll learn that next year, I'm sure, when you're banging all the girls at film school. And guys, too, maybe."

Artie looked equal parts horrified and skeptical at that scenario as he shook his head. In truth, Sebastian was only poking fun at him. He knew his brother was far too much of a traditionalist to have a hoe phase in college.

"I'll pass. What I don't need is to be known as a film school player," he said. "Plus, sex isn't the be-all-end-all. I don't have to… share a twin bed with somebody for them to know that I like them, or that I'm interested in them."

Sebastian snorted. "Spoken like somebody who's never had sex."

As soon as it came out of his mouth, Sebastian realized he wasn't sure if that was true. Had Artie lost his virginity? They'd never talked about it. Typically, whenever this kind of topic came up, Sebastian was the sharer and Artie was the listener. It wasn't that he was one of those overly 'sex positive', radical individuals– he just didn't see the point in making it such a taboo topic. People had done it for millions of years, or else none of us would be here, so what shame was there in the game? It was only now that Seb realized that he hadn't a clue of what Artie's romantic life was like. Have he and Quinn gone all the way? Sebastian guessed that maybe they had. Lord knows that Quinn Fabray is no prude. Plus, they seem pretty serious. Would that have been Artie's first time? Or maybe there had been another girl before her who he would have gotten it on with. Not Tina. No, certainly not Tina. Who else had Artie dated in the past? Sebastian couldn't remember, and he realized that he tended to tune out a lot of the time whenever Artie talked about his usually boring personal life. Now, Sebastian was paying the price.

"That's not… it has nothing to do with sex!" Artie insisted before shaking his head and changing the subject. "I knew you were out, but I couldn't figure out where. Blaine texted me to say that he saw you, though, so I knew you were… okay. Alive. You didn't… go out and find them to ream them out, did you? Because I meant it when I said I wanted you to stay out of it, and–"

"No, I wouldn't do that," Sebastian cut him off. "I mean, not anymore. Blaine was at Scandals. He ended up needing to drink his own sorrows away and decided to ditch Sam and Tina."

"Why? What's wrong with Blaine?"

"Something about Kurt moving. I don't know." Sebastian realized that– whether due to lack of interest or the amount of alcohol that had been flowing through his bloodstream– he couldn't remember why exactly Blaine had been breaking down beside him at the bar. "Ask him yourself."

Artie nodded, setting his plate on his lap and moving to put it in the sink. Sebastian watched as he retrieved a glass, before heading to the pantry and collecting a can of tomato juice and a whole hodge-podge of random spices.

"Will you hand me the vodka from the liquor cabinet?" Artie asked him casually, as if it weren't just past ten o'clock in the morning. "Out of my reach." He offered a simple explanation for his question without any other context.

"Whoa, dude, I know that it's five o'clock somewhere, but don't you think this is a little extreme? I know you're probably still annoyed with me or whatever, but let's just talk about this, okay?"

"It's not for me," Artie reasoned, stationing himself beneath the cabinet that he couldn't get to on his own and continuing to point at it. "It's for you. I'm making you a Bloody Mary. A little hair of the dog that done bit yo' ass. They help with hangovers, and you look like crap. I don't think we have any celery, though."

The idea of putting any more alcohol in his system (aside from maybe an espresso martini) made Sebastian want to vomit, but he retrieved the handle of Tito's for Artie anyway. He watched his step-brother transform into a mixologist as he concocted the cocktail while he looked on with disgust. He was willing to try anything to rid him of this awful hangover, though, and that included Artie's spicy tomato drink.

"Drink up," Artie said, pushing the glass toward him. "Then after do you want to maybe, I don't know… watch a movie or something? It's too hot outside to go anywhere or do anything other than enjoy man's greatest creation: central air conditioning."

Sebastian took a sip of the Bloody Mary and tried not to gag. He knew that this– the drink and the offer to spend quality time together– was a peace offering. Watching movies with the people he cared about was one of Artie's love languages of sorts– this was his step-brother's way of assuring him that he was forgiven for the events of the night before without saying it in so many words.

"Sure." Secretly, Sebastian was even planning to allow Artie to make all of the directorial comments that he wanted to, no matter how annoying Sebastian thought they were. He felt that he owed Artie that. "As long as you shower first. You're disgusting."

"You're one to talk," Artie retorted. "You smell like a dive bar and have been wearing those same clothes since you left here last night!"

"Well," Sebastian snorted, unable to help himself from making the next comment. "I took them off when we–"

"Ugh, no! Too much information!"

Artie reacted by covering his ears with his hands, causing Sebastian to cackle and take one more gulp of his (okay, he'd admit it– surprisingly quite helpful) Bloody Mary before heading upstairs to take his much-needed shower. Spending the rest of the day with his step-brother, making up for the last twelve hours, was exactly what the doctor ordered to remedy his current condition.