A/N: I've been replaying NieR: Automata again. In this particular play-through I was trying to speed-run the game and ran into money issues quite a few times during said run. Also, I gave up on the speed part of the run entirely around Route C because the story swept me up in its drama and angst all over again without my consent. And so, as a means of petty revenge, I present to you this random humor story about our two favorite YoRHa Units, 2B and 9S, facing financial issues. This story (which will have multiple chapters) is not connected to my other NieR: Automata stories in any way. This one is just for fun. I hope you guys will enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Best wishes and God bless you all!
Disclaimer: Not today. This is a fanfic. You know it. I know it. End of story...but not really since this will have multiple chapters.
Warnings: Mild fourth-wall breaking and general buffoonery with touches of fluff and angst. The grammar and general storytelling may not be as good as my usual quality of work either since I tend to just let my imagination run wild in humor stories. This first chapter is tame on the jokes but soon...oh dear...
We're Broke! Please Give Us Money!
`-1-
Believe it or not, war is a surprisingly expensive venture. From resources to personnel, things can get mighty costly if proper budgeting isn't a factor. and allocating funds during a period of great conflict is a delicate balancing act in which the slightest mistake can (and will) create high levels of stress for all parties involved.
YoRHa Unit 9S is facing such a dilemma as he paces back and forth just outside the Resistance Camp, waiting for his inevitable doom. His partner, 2B was recently assigned to provide backup on a large-scale mission taking place around a section of the planet painted in the hues of twilight. Under normal circumstances, 9S would have gone with her, but Commander White ordered him to remain behind and continue gathering intel on Pascal and his village. Though the Scanner complained about being separated from 2B, especially since she would be partaking in a highly dangerous operation, the combat model assured him she could manage on her own.
Of course, such words did absolutely nothing to ease his dismay, so 9S approached one of his Scanner model friends who was particularly gifted in fusing plug-in chips...for a price.
At the time, 9S held no concern for the expenses. He fused several chips he and 2B collected on various missions or as rewards for helping out at the Resistance Camp. With careful precision, he and the other Scanner, 4S, fused defensive chips together to start off with. 9S specifically asked his friend to fuse the chips in such a way that they took up as little storage space as possible...which cost him extra.
For whatever reason, 4S didn't believe in giving discounts, even to his friends.
But 9S didn't care. This was to ensure 2B's safety...
Well...that's how it started anyway.
With the completion of +7 Melee and Ranged Defensive chips that took up as little as ten slots of storage space, (an unprecedented feat even for 4S), 9S decided to fuse some attack chips not only for 2B but for himself as well. First it was +5 Shockwave chips then he moved on to +5 Critical Damage output chips, and after that he started combining hacking chips together.
He forgot all about the cost and practically threw money at 4S' face, not that the other Scanner minded. Oh no, he was becoming quite rich in one session of work. With funds like this, he could do something really nice for his secret girlfriend, the YoRHa fugitive, A2...
But we're getting off track. That's an entirely different story...one a certain authoress should really get to work on.
At any rate, after two hours of fusing chips, 9S finally deigned to look at how much money he had left.
Upon seeing the amount, 9S gasped audibly, and his eyes widened like saucers beneath his visor. Soon his mouth went dry and his breathing came to an abrupt stop as shock and horror completely overtook him.
"Only 50G left! That's not even enough for a recovery item!"
"From the look on your face, I'm guessing that's enough for today," 4S had stated, a devious smirk on his face while he wiped artificial sweat from his brow. "Do give 2B my regards."
9S took off for 2B's room after that. Clad in heavy armament, she was about to put on her helmet when the Scanner model knocked on the door. After he was called in, 9S quickly presented the attack and defensive chips. 2B's responding expression and words showed simple gratitude for his thoughtful gesture, and said gratitude kept her from asking questions she would have normally asked...things such as 'How much did these chips cost?'
Since the two of them were partners in arms, their funds were in a shared storage server they both had access too. 2B didn't shop unless they were in dire need of recovery items for field repair, so she gave 9S permission to handle all of their finances and buy whatever they were in need of on any given occasion. She usually liked to look over receipts though...just so she'd know how much was left in storage at any given time. If an emergency came up, she didn't want to be ill-prepared for it.
However, distracted with her preparations for the vicious battles ahead, she neglected to ask the Scanner for the receipt of his most recent shopping venture, and he didn't have it in him to break the news that they were broke just then, so he figured he'd wait to come clean until she got back from the operation.
Now he's regretting that choice.
According to a brief e-mail she sent him thirty minutes ago, the infiltration mission was a triumphant success, in no small part thanks to the chips 9S installed for her before she left.
Unfortunately, 2B also mentioned stopping by the Bunker to claim her reward from the Commander. Upon receiving said award, she would immediately see the total sum of their combined savings on her HUD screen.
The mission had taken her away from him for a week.
In that week, 9S earned...basically nothing.
It's not that he didn't try to take up extra work around the Resistance Camp or even in Pascal's Village. He practically begged for work, but alas...there was barely anything available for him to do. What little he could do didn't pay much.
So while gathering reconnaissance data alone, he fished...and fished...and fished...
He didn't catch so much as mackerel.
Having kept some of the combat chips for himself, he was able to scrounge up useful materials from any small machines who chose to pick a fight with him. They sold for low prices, but it was better than nothing.
Unfortunately, he came across a Goliath-class machine at one point during the week 2B was gone. In that lone battle, he sustained enough damage that he was forced to spend every last cent he had for repairs.
And so...at present, their collective funds are at exactly 0G.
"Any minute now she'll find out," he mused, gritting his teeth as he continued to pace outside the camp. "And when she does, I have no doubt she'll kill me. I'm definitely getting murdered over this."
Oh the sick, twisted irony of those thoughts.
9S' support unit, Pod 153, floated in place near him. "Alert. Incoming message from YoRHa Unit 2B."
"Crap," he muttered, stopping all movement as his HUD screen appeared in front of his face. Within seconds, 2B was on his screen. Though her eyes were covered with the standard YoRHa visor, 9S knew those eyes would be alight with fury if he could see them. The pronounced frown on her face was more than enough of a giveaway to her current mood.
"Yep, she's angry," 9S thought, sighing internally while offering a timid wave. "Hi, 2B."
"9S, what happened to our funds?" the combat model asked. She'd never been one to beat around the bush, even while in a favorable mood. It was always about business with her, but the Scanner noted the sharp edge of hysteria just beneath the usual calm tones of her voice. "The last time I checked, we had at least 100,000 G. My reward for this mission was 5,000 G...and that's currently all we have."
"For a high stakes mission like that!?" 9S wondered, surprised. "That's ridiculously low. Sure, the Commander's a slave driver, but the rewards she gives are usually a lot better than that. Maybe she's having some budgeting issues too..."
"9S, what did you do?" 2B demanded, cutting off his previous train of thought while introducing the Scanner to a new level of fear. He'd seen his partner irritated before, but right now, with gritted teeth and her heels loudly echoing into the HUD feed, she was the personification of pure, unmistakable rage.
"Please...just don't kill me for this, 2B," he begged, his fingers twitching in fright. "I-It was...an accident."
"How do you accidentally spend 100,000 G?"
"Well uh..."
The sound of the clacking heels stopped and 2B's expression shifted on his monitor. She groaned.
"It was the Plug-in chips, wasn't it?"
9S hung his head in adamant shame.
"Yeah," he murmured. "Initially it was just to strengthen the defensive chips we found so you wouldn't get hurt during your mission, but then I got swept in the fun of creating more powerful attack chips, and after that 4S convinced me to upgrade my hacking chips too, and...well before I knew it...pretty much all our money was gone. I'm sorry, 2B."
Somewhere on the Bunker, 4S was laughing maniacally. It was just loud enough to reach 2B's ears.
The beautiful combat model forced out a sigh. "This is going to create problems for us in the future. I'm in charge of money management from now on."
"That's fair."
"And 9S."
"Yeah?"
"Those chips were a great help during the mission," 2B stated, her demeanor a bit softer now. "Without the boost in my defensive and offensive capabilities, I would have sustained major damages, so...thank you."
9S perked up a bit. "Does this mean you're not mad at me anymore?"
"I didn't say that."
Sputtering, the Scanner model hung his head in shame again.
"I'm headed to the transporter now," 2B proclaimed curtly. "What's your current position?"
"Just outside the Resistance Camp."
"Understood," she answered. "I'll rendezvous with you in five minutes. Over and out."
Not waiting for a response, 2B cut the connection, leaving 9S in uncomfortable silence...
That is until 153 chose to chime in.
"YoRHa Unit 9S is, as the humans would say, in deep water?"
"Please...be quiet Pod."
"Negative, this pod finds the current circumstances...amusing."
9S groaned and took a few steps away from the camp's entryway. "Are pods even supposed to feel such things?"
"Unknown. Emotions are an abstract concept for Tactical Support Units. We are programmed to protect the androids assigned to our care; however, Unit 9S' lack of foresight makes this task difficult. Hypothesis: This pod has developed what human records call frustration. This has further developed into a coping mechanism known as humor. A sense of humor has the added effect of drawing enjoyment from mild misfortunes due to several different factors. This Pod would label this particular misfortune as one caused by sheer idiocy."
"Could you knock it off already!" 9S shouted, cheeks red from his internal processors heating up to an abnormal level. "I get it! I did something really stupid."
"Indeed, but such is normal for your unit."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S NORMAL!"
"Alert: Blood pressure levels are rising at an alarming rate," 153 stated in its usual feminine monotone. "Proposal: Inhale for approximately ten seconds then exhale for the same amount of seconds. Repeat the process as needed until vitals stabilize."
Clenching his fists, 9S turned away from the pod and took a seat on the pavement with his legs folded beneath him. Through gritted teeth he whispered that his so-called "support" unit wasn't helping with his stress levels at all as he closed his eyes and began to inhale for the suggested time. He exhaled then inhaled again, and the cycle of more controlled breathing continued. The process eventually calmed him down enough that he could think from a more rational perspective.
He and 2B are pretty much out of money. Rectifying this issue is a top priority. If they're unable to afford maintenance, repairs, weapon upgrades, pod upgrades, stronger plug-in chips, and recovery items, their performances on the battlefield will suffer immensely. One easy way to procure funds is to perform tasks around the Resistance Camp or Pascal's village when needed, but 9S had already tried that while 2B was away. Fishing was also a good tactic, but time consuming...and it didn't always yield positive results.
"Machine activity has been relatively low as of late." A soft breeze shook through the air, dusting the Scanner's cheeks in a pleasant sensation. His bangs moved with the flow of the wind, and for the first time, he noticed a chill in it, which was odd to him. The weather was typically humid within the City Ruins.
The curiosity-driven instincts programmed into his personality module wanted to investigate the change, but the sound of heels clacking against the pavement eliminated this line of thought. Opening his eyes, 9S inclined his gaze over his shoulder to see 2B, armed with Virtuous Contract and Virtuous Treaty, marching toward him. Her Tactical Support Unit, Pod 042, hovered near her side.
9S didn't bother to give his usual greeting while rising to his feet. With that scowl on her face, it was obvious to him that 2B wasn't up for any pleasantries right now.
"Did you take on any jobs while I was gone?" she asked, walking right past him and down into the valley beneath them.
"I brought a book to Pascal for Anemone," 9S answered, following in step behind her as she walked through a small stream cutting through the valley. Though walking slowly, the water made a ruckus when they moved through it.
"He gave me a small sum for it," he continued, his gaze on 2B's weapons as they hovered a few centimetres behind her in the electromagnetic sheaths. He summoned his own weapon, Cruel Oath, to hover in place behind him as well then muttered, "No one else had anything they needed help with, so I went fishing...and it didn't pan out well."
"I see," was her reply. "Did you try anything else?"
9S nodded. "I kept some of the attack chips and started scrapping hostile machines for anything to sell. That yielded some good results, but then I encountered a tougher enemy. Got damaged pretty badly. I had to use all the money on me for repairs."
2B didn't remark on this but her movements stalled.
"Hmm?" 9S came to a stop beside her. "What's wrong?"
The combat model clenched her fists and didn't say a word for several minutes. Impatience clawed at 9S during that time, begging him to repeat the question, but 2B's rigid stance kept him silent.
Eventually her posture relaxed, her movements easing into a gentle sway as she pivoted slowly on her heel to face him fully. Raising her hand, she hesitantly brushed her fingers against his cheek.
9S froze in place, his lips parting in surprise at the unexpected touch.
"2-2B?"
She brought her other hand up and soon she was cupping his face. 9S couldn't move, was too stunned and breathless to think properly. He was pretty sure his logic circuits were malfunctioning and the black box that served as his heart seemed to be skipping in its rhythm.
Once the shock wore off, 9S finally noted the intensity of 2B's shrouded stare. She was analyzing him. For what reason, the Scanner had trouble guessing at due to their proximity.
2B, though affected by the proximity, was touching him merely to confirm he wasn't still damaged in some way.
"All of this happened because he wanted to ensure my safety while we were apart," she thought, allowing her hands to drift to his shoulders. "And then he nearly got himself killed trying to fix this financial disaster on his own. Oh, Nines..."
Strong emotions took hold of 2B then, and for the first time in a while, she didn't bother resisting them.
With careful movements, the combat model drew 9S into an embrace. An immediate gasp slipped from his mouth. It was a sound full of confusion as well as delight, but it didn't really register in 2B's ears. Instead all that registered was the sound of his black box pounding from within his chest. It was a beautiful sound...one she'd been forced to eliminate so many times.
9S' arms remained at his sides for a moment as he processed this turn of events. He wasn't really sure what to make of it, so he decided he would only focus on reciprocating this sudden affection he was getting. His hands shook a bit as he moved, was certain he was breaching some form of protocol, but eventually his arms settled around 2B's waist.
Instant contentment filled him.
"This is nice," he thought, closing his eyes to better hear the soft yet steady thrum of 2B's black box. He felt something wet hit his neck, like a raindrop.
"9S."
Her whisper was soft, almost too soft for him to hear despite how close they were. "What's on your mind, 2B? As much as I like this, it feels a little out of left field."
2B held him tighter and 9S' black box nearly jumped out of his chest.
"I'm just...glad you're okay," she said after a moment. "I'm sorry that I left you alone."
"It couldn't be helped, 2B," he answered, smiling. "Orders are orders. And really, it was my own fault. You don't have to apologize or feel guilty about anything."
"But I do," she thought sadly, pulling away from her target. "I've stolen so much from you, yet all you've ever done is show me kindness again and again."
9S lets his arms fall away from 2B's waist. The loss of contact makes him feel cold and empty.
"Besides," he says, ignoring the feeling. "Providing support is what I do best. I just...got carried away this time."
2B offers him her own smile. "Perhaps, but that kind of devotion is...charming."
"Charming?"
Placing a hand on her hip, the combat model looks toward the crater in the center of the city. "We should make our way to the Flooded City. That area has more potential for big catches in terms of fish. Basking Sharks and their machine equivalent sell for a high amount. If we're lucky and manage to catch two or three of them, we'll have enough money for the necessities."
"Um...yeah...got it," 9S replied, still processing the compliment she'd just given him. "Pod, mark the position on the map."
153 doesn't respond.
9S quickly shifted his attention to the hovering support unit. Its arms were moving up and down in wild, haphazard motions.
"Pod?"
"What's wrong with it?" 2B asked.
"I don't know!"
That was when 042 decided to speak.
"While observing Units 2B and 9S roughly 200 seconds ago, Pod 153 began to experience a strange phenomena uncommon to tactical support units. It is a hyperactive state induced by an overwhelming amount of positive stimuli."
"And what does that mean?" 9S wondered aloud.
"In short, 153 is replicating the human emotion of extreme euphoria. She is speaking in condensed conversation mode at this time, which Units 2B and 9S are unable to understand; however, I will translate it into text that you can read." 042 turned slightly to face 153. "Pod 153, please repeat your last few statements."
153 let out all kinds of gibberish in that moment and for a few seconds 2B and 9S thought about leaving the two pods to their own devices so they could focus on fixing their money issues.
But after a few seconds, 042 projected 153's words onto 2B's HUD screen.
"Okay, let's see what all the fuss is about," 9S muttered, moving closer to his partner in order to see what was written on her screen. It read:
2B and 9S are so cute! SO CUTE! SOOOOOOO CUTE! MY MECHANICAL HEART IS MELTING! MELTING I SAY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
The two YoRHa Units stood gaping at the screen without a clue on how to respond.
"Query: Would Units 2B and 9S wish to see more..."
"NO!" they both shouted, glancing at each other with artificial blushes on their faces before immediately looking away. 2B stalked off first with a shaky order for 042 to mark the position of the Flooded City onto her map. 9S stood dumbfounded for a minute then quickly followed after the combat model while muttering to himself that he'd get 153 to maintenance as soon as possible. That Pod clearly had some kind of error in its central processing unit.
But error or not, 153 wasn't wrong. These dorks are adorable.
A/N: Yeah, this first chapter is mainly just an introduction to what will become utter foolishness. I hope you guys enjoyed this random, mostly fluffy beginning to what will be...a rather strange tale. Please let me know if there are any major grammar problems up there too and I'll work on fixing them. Thank you for reading! Feel free to leave a review if you'd like. Best wishes and God bless you all!
Additional Note: If you guys ever get antsy waiting for me to update these NieR stories I keep starting, then please feel free to check out my YouTube channel, Lillymu961. I mostly post K-Pop content, but every now and again I'll post NieR stuff, things related to anime, book reviews, music reviews, and even Biblical content from time to time. Just depends on my mood really. That channel is random...just like this story will be...muhahaha! Many thanks in advance if you choose to check me out on that platform.