Chapter 60: Dark Will
"I'll be going away for a while now, Alex." Whispered the father, an echo of the past.
"Are you sure? Why can't I come with?" The boy asked, trying to hold onto his father's hand.
"...Where I'm going is chaotic and doesn't warrant a moment's rest," The father bent down and put his hand against the boy's chest, "You'd HATE to be there."
The boy nodded slowly and accepted this, "Ok."
But then he looked away and wondered, "But can't you take Erin with you?"
"I-I…" The father closed his eyes and smacked his lips, saying softly with a twinge of regret, "I'd love nothing more than to keep her at my side. But…"
He briefly patted the boy on the shoulder, "Now that'll be your job. Can you do it?"
"Of course, dad. I love my sister."
"Heh, I'm glad you do. And son?" The father poked at the boy's shirt, depicting a cartoon he liked to watch, "Never stop loving what you love. You're you. And that's perfect enough."
The boy's smile was as small as his hands.
The father hugged his boy gently until two light pats on the back signaled that he was leaving his life for who knows how long.
The boy felt a sense of finality to this moment, not in that he'd never see him again, but by the time he did…who knows how much he'd have changed.
The father exited through the door, and the boy remembered it sounding very loud in his memories.
The light faded from the household, its significance lasting as long as his memories of that moment, and the boy stood alone in darkness.
The boy lifted his head, now older, and the emptiness of his thoughts was filled by a steady, watery dripping sound behind him.
"Will you cut it out?" The boy murmured in a tired, agonized voice.
The dripping noise got louder, closer.
The boy bit his teeth and sighed, then tucked his hands into his jacket, "'I'm me', he said…"
"But you're not perfect enough." His voice echoed behind him, and a cold shiver ran down his spine. But there was no reaction from his face. He simply looked up into the sky and tried to think of something else.
"Stop and listen." The voice's inviting whisper was followed by the dripping noise getting louder.
And now it dropped to the beat of his heart, which elevated steadily in elation.
"..." The boy opened his mouth and cold fog was exhaled like a nimbus cloud.
"N-No." The boy uttered in meek defiance.
Louder. Louder. Louder! Did the dripping drop.
"Stop pretending. You cling to fond memories. But you HATE what you are becoming."
The boy closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and started to walk away.
"A life is only valuable if lived in indulgence. And you suppress your urges, because human eyes are watching. Judging."
The boy picked up the pace, and the voice retaliated by getting louder, "I am your friend, because I am YOU."
"We NEED what's best for us. Otherwise we starve! Who cares if we're deemed ill of mind by others? We have strength BEYOND COMPARE."
"We NEED liberation. God cannot define our way of life!"
The boy started to slow down, staring with a paralyzing blank gaze towards the source of the dripping noise…a rusted pipe, leaking blood.
Sixteen cold fingers crawled up onto his back and latched onto his shoulders. His whole body turned numb, but he enjoyed the feeling.
"You know what your mind needs? Honesty."
"It should be filled with how much you want to ****-"
"NO!" The boy screamed, and the fingers thus plunged into his back and made the screams louder.
"AH!" Alex jolted awake from his nap in the library to the sight of other students looking at him funny.
It didn't take very long for them to go back to their business and for him to shrug it off with only a brief thought spared at disliking their attitudes.
He then turned ahead and saw Nero was sitting on the same bench as him.
A brief exchange of looks confirmed to Alex that this wasn't worth the headache and he prepared to get up and find another relaxation spot.
"I see you aren't taking my advice to heart." Nero prodded him with just enough strength to make him stay.
"One punch to the face. Just enough to knock him down." Alex felt a shiver in his chest and shook his head, pupils dilated and his brain feeling foggy.
"You know what?" Alex scowled and resorted to a more tried and true level of bluntness, "Fuck you."
He then stood up but Nero followed suit and tried to get ahead of him, which probably would've gotten him tripped up had he not presented Alex's backpack.
"Ahem." Nero said with a sly smile.
Alex grabbed it and hung it by his hip weakly, remarking to him, "You better not have looked inside."
"I'm not that kind of guy." Nero remarked, laughing at him all the while.
"But seriously now. Why are you wasting your life away on naps?"
Alex glared at him and stated in a blunt, mocking tone, "People need naps? …Why am I doing this song and dance with you again?"
He started to take a few steps forward when Nero remarked, "Personally, I think you enjoy our conversations."
Alex turned around and marched right back to shove him lightly on the chest, "Get real."
"Why do I get the feeling you wanted to make a fist there?" Nero said, humming along pleasantly as Alex widened his eyes.
Nero then smiled and wagged his finger at him, "See? We get each other."
Alex closed his eyes and nibbled on his lower lip, "Haaa. Get this over with, Nero."
"Do you believe in free will, Alex Dark?" Nero whispered, his very words manifesting as a force that slithered inside of Alex's ears.
Alex opened one eye and raised his brow, "Well…duh."
"See, I knew you did," Nero flicked his finger at him confidently, "But there are many people, mostly religious devouts, who believe that the course of their lives is predetermined."
Alex muttered with a bit of scorn, "And use that to justify acts of indecency."
Nero gestured his hand out, "But the fact is, we are responsible solely for ourselves. At the end of a well-lived life, the only person who can judge the worth of our actions and the time we spent is ourselves."
He tucked his hands behind his back and remarked, "Not fate…not destiny…and certainly not…'God'."
Alex leaned his head back and grumbled out of annoyance, "...But what you're suggesting is that the presence of free will is also a justification for indecency, just as long as you can die believing you're virtuous."
"Ah ah ah, that's where you're wrong," Nero remarked, "What's virtuous to those who have surrendered their free will has been decided for them. But with the power of free will, YOU decide what is right and what is wrong."
"...I don't think your logic pans out the way you think it does." Alex whispered bluntly.
"...Let me try another approach then," Nero gestured his hand out, "What do you think is right and wrong, Alex?"
"My guess…judging by your desire for a simple life, you think it's right to be able to freely relax without an excess of pleasure, and wrong to act out of an inconvenience for others."
"You strike me as someone who helps his mother cook, or makes sure his sister gets her schoolwork in on time. But not as someone who would bother a fellow to get out of his way if he's blocking his path, out of fear of causing trouble."
Alex felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise, as his pupils shrank with a tense grunt, "He's good…"
Alex froze on that thought and shook his head, "Yeah? And?"
Nero tucked his hands back and leaned sideways with a smirk, "You project the image of having free will, but in the end you're just another slave to the virtuous teachings of God."
He narrowed his eyes and muttered, "That's why I want to ask…'Who is Alex Dark'?"
Alex's eyes flared and he let out a tense grunt, before turning around and making yet another attempt to exit the library.
"...I'm going to make a prediction," Nero uttered so confidently it held Alex in place like chains had been wrapped around his legs, "By the end of the day…you'll know the answer."
Alex gripped his backpack tightly, "Stop holding back and take a swing!"
He hurried out of the library and shook his head, scrambling to reach into his bag and pull out his phone for some calming music.
But along the way he rammed into another student and both went tumbling to the ground on their butts, his phone falling between them.
"Ow, watch your front, not your feet, jackass!" This blunt tone came from a girl with deep brown hair with red highlights on her side bangs. Long haired, it was primarily swept to the right, revealing piercings on the exposed ear.
She had spiked bracelets but the spikes were clearly made of plastic, likely due to regulations. She had an extra-large white tie-dye shirt shredded at the bottom and tight jeans complete with strap sandals.
After rolling up her sleeve in an attempt to look threatening she leaned in and snatched his phone up before he could get it.
"H-Hey!" Alex blurted out, riding on a furious high from before.
The girl looked at his phone and winced, "Hey, this is 'Goat Lamentation'. I love that band!"
She looked up and flinched again as Alex snatched the phone from her hand and stood up.
"O-Oh shit, sorry dude," She stood up and brushed her sleeves back down, "You're Alex Dark. From class 207?"
Alex paused and silently rubbed the back of his head, squinting to try and figure this girl out.
"Uhhh, and you are?" He tried to inquire politely.
The girl nudged him with her elbow and winked, "Ah, c'mon. Josephine! You know, your classmate?"
Alex rubbed his head slower while raising a brow.
"...Ah, you've never noticed me. Bummer…" Josephine remarked.
"I tend to zone out in class, so…" Alex murmured, and upon looking at the girl a little more he wondered, "Though you…definitely stand out. She's kind of cute too."
"But there's no point having these kinds of thoughts. I know who I like the most…"
"..." He stared blankly over the girl's head with a disgruntled look.
"Yo," She snapped her fingers in his face, "Stop daydreaming. I asked you a question."
"You…did?" Alex murmured sincerely.
"Yeah. Have you ever gone bowling?"
"...Can't say I have?" Alex replied while giving a gentle shrug.
"Aaaaare…you interested?" Josephine came across as having reluctance to ask.
Alex found his curiosity piqued, strangely enough. And after the stress of dealing with Nero's bullshit, having a simple, friendly offer was nice.
"Eh, I guess it could be fun." He said with a shrug.
She then gave him a light punch on the shoulder and her smile wiggled, "A-Awesome…! I can borrow my dad's car and pick you up or uhhh…"
Alex rubbed the back of his head, "I don't have my license yet."
"But…I can hitch a bus to the bowling alley in town."
"That run down place? I was thinking uhhh…out of town. Ever heard of Astro's?"
Alex leaned his head back, "I might've seen it outside a car window once or twice…"
"So that's a yes. Awesome! Well, I'll be there around 7:00. Try and have room in your stomach, they got WICKED sundaes. So I heard."
Josephine then turned around and walked away, and before he knew it, what just happened clicked in his mind.
"...Wait what."
Once he was back home after school, he explained what was going on to his family, all the while wondering why he was actually going through with this.
His mom squeezed her fists and remarked, "Oooh, your first date!"
She started trailing off about memories of her own first date, but he tuned her out and muttered to himself, "...I guess it is a date, huh?"
While rubbing the back of his head he faced his sister trying to watch an action flick on TV with their dog on her lap, and she had to throw out a comment he didn't expect, "Just try not to bore her to death, bro."
"That's it?" He murmured.
She turned her head and scoffed in a humored tone, "What? You want more advice? I've sure as hell never been on a date!"
"I-I guess not, but…you're ok with this?"
"Sure, whatever." Erin then shrugged and looked back at the TV.
Their mom grabbed Alex around the back and hugged him closer, "Lemme give you a few pointers before you go."
"First, eye contact. Show her you're paying attention. Your dad was a total flop at that."
"Second, offer to cover a receipt. Shows you're not a leech. But don't buy too much or you'll look desperate. Your dad loved to do that."
"Third-"
Alex gently pushed his mom off with a blush and raised his hands up in defeat, "I-I'll be fine. My phone'll be charged, and I'll be back by midnight."
She looked stunned, maybe a tad disappointed, but proceeded to pat him on the cheek and say, "Just don't be too nervous."
Alex smiled and whispered, "Thanks."
He then waited for the appointed time and took a bus out to his destination. Along the way, he got a short nap in, watching the night atmosphere breeze by through the windows.
"Why am I doing this? Seriously." He leaned his head back against the stiff seat and sighed.
"Maybe it'll be fun. I guess? I don't know…I suppose I need more stuff to do when I'm not at school." If someone wrote a profile on him, his hobbies would include "Listening to music", "Watching old children's cartoons" and…that was about it.
Not very exciting, but he didn't mind it that much.
Maybe. Possibly…
"Well, I guess I also know how to cook…" When he put that into consideration though, it made him come across as domesticated.
All these thoughts lead back to what Nero was saying about him.
He pulled back his lower lip with his teeth and smacked his lips, "I can do more with myself. A simple life doesn't have to be a dull one…"
He arrived at the bowling alley and it started to rain a little bit. The lights of the sign were very bright and strained his eyes, and the parking lot was barely half full.
He looked around for a bit and then with a light shrug made his way over to the entrance to wait.
Once he turned and started leaning he saw Josephine running straight at him wearing a thin leather jacket.
"Hey, you made it! Was the trip rough?"
Alex peeled off the wall and murmured, "Eh, a little bumpy. You know. Buses."
He was talking to a complete stranger, but she was pushing hard for them to be much more than that so early that he had to try and put in a little effort.
"Yeah. Buses," She said plainly. She then brushed up the side of her bangs and looked at the clouds, "Ugh, hate this weather."
Alex looked up and smiled, "I don't know. It's fine. Especially when there's thunder out."
Josephine faced him and scoffed, "Pffft, yeah, alright. 'Mr. Thunder'. Ready to have fun?"
"Sure." Alex said, unenthused.
The interior of the building had dark purple walls and lots of small, dim lights acting as stars. Vibrant paints were used to imitate cloudy nebulas.
Alex perked up a bit, "Oh, neat."
Josephine bolted for the counter and gave it a couple slaps, "Hey! A couple shoes for me and my friend. Size 10 for me."
Alex strolled up and after a short, timid pause remarked, "Uhhh, Size 11."
The man nodded and picked out a pair of shoes, and once Alex had them he remarked, "Oh, we…put these on?"
"Yeah, it's the rules."
Alex looked at his feet and realized he hadn't changed out of his bright red socks before coming here. He cautiously looked at Josephine and murmured, "Yeah but why though?"
"...I dunno." She replied.
Alex swallowed hard and then found a spot to hide his feet while he was changing. The shoes were kinda stiff and uncomfortable until he stood up and started walking.
Josephine was already out at the lanes and Alex caught up to her, getting his shoulders feeling a little less stiff and cracking his neck.
"Need a lesson?" She asked while handing him a ten pound ball.
Alex found the ball felt very light in his hands, "Nah, I know the rules."
Josephine then picked up an eight pound ball and started walking backwards, "Then…I'm going first!"
She strutted to the edge of the lane and then threw the ball down.
It hit eight of the pins and threatened to tip another over.
"Guh! So close!" She cheered.
Alex got up and waited for his chance. She stood a few inches behind and wondered, "Are you SURE you don't need help?"
Alex leaned over his shoulder, "I can manage."
He lined up his arm with the lane and walked up and shot the ball, knocking over six pins.
"Huh…" He expressed disappointment. Josephine bumped him with her elbow.
"You didn't think you'd get a strike on your first shot, did you?"
"N-No?" He said through bitten teeth.
"Ha ha! Just keep at it." She then gently shoved him back towards the seats with one hand and scooped the ball up in the other.
Honestly? He kinda liked it.
After a few brackets she was keeping the lead, while all his shots hung below 7 points.
They paused at her forceful behest, as she tugged him by the arm to the seat, "What's the rush? We got all night!"
Her laughter was a delight, and a little nasally.
"..." Alex was enjoying himself, but he couldn't really look forward to the rest of the night without getting something off his mind, "Say, why'd you ask ME out on a date?"
"You got a 'I don't give a shit' kind of vibe. I dunno, a lot of our classmates are posers."
"...Huh." He wasn't…totally unsatisfied.
He shrugged any further concerns off and asked, "So, you come here often?"
"Oh yeah, my dad loved this place."
Alex felt a chill in his gut, "Wait, 'loved'? Which means…"
Josephine spat in surprise, "He's alive. But he divorced my mom and moved out of state."
"The car?" He wondered.
"Mom got it in the divorce. But it's still his. At least…" She pouted her lip and stood up to take another turn at the lane.
After rolling a seven overall, she shrugged her shoulders and then dove forward at him, grabbing onto his jacket zipper, "Hey, take this off. It's warm here."
Alex slapped her hand away and stared, "N-No way. I'm fine."
"Huh." Her response was as judgmental as they come.
She jaunted back over to her seat and Alex took his turn.
"Did I say something wrong? W-Wait, who cares?" He ended up rolling a five for this bracket.
After a few more brackets, Josephine had vanished into thin air.
He just sat there and waited for her to get back, where she had two orange drinks in her hands.
"Here! On the house!" She cheered.
"Orange soda?" Alex remarked with confusion, and then recalled his mom's advice, "Y-You could've spoken up, I would've offered to pay for it."
"A-Ahaha, that's alright…" She said, looking the other way while shoving the drink into his hand, "Enjoy!"
She dropped onto her seat and took a drink, immediately coughing after swallowing, "Uuugh, that's strong!"
"But I don't like…" Alex squinted his eyes and after a heavy sigh he took a sip. He immediately tasted something…bitter, and not in the normal orange drink way.
And there was barely any fizz. In fact, the liquid looked pretty thin too.
"This sucks." He put the glass down and decided he wasn't going to force his opinion to change.
After a few more rounds Josephine had finished her drink and moved on over to him, "Hey you've barely touched yours."
He glanced at the cup and then handed it to her, "Want it?"
"Fuck it, sure!" She took an immediate drink and started laughing, "It's almost like a kiss."
Alex shivered at the thought.
"There's been so many ups and downs it's like I'm on a damn rollercoaster, is this…really how it's supposed to go?"
"Should I be worried…?"
"No, there's nothing she can do against us."
"..." His pupils shrunk and he felt cold.
"I…need to get some water." He then went to the restroom and splashed his face with hot water.
He then took a deep breath and made his way back out to the lane.
His eyes blurred for a moment and he felt dizzy. But he held on until he had the bowling ball back in his hands.
The rest of their time at the bowling alley existed in a vacuum of uncertainty as to what really happened. He felt like they had tried talking for a bit more, but she got way more energetic as she had more of those drinks.
After maybe two hours of sticking around here, Alex was feeling mentally exhausted and just wanted to get back home. He snuck his old shoes back on and tried to sneak out of the building, but Josephine caught up and slapped him on the back.
"What's the rush? The night's still young! Like us!" Her face was red and her eyes looked slightly glazed over.
Alex rubbed the back of his head and grumbled, "I…just want to head home, if that's alright."
"Ooooooh, fine. I'll drive you back! Just…g-gimme the directions." She pulled out her keys and jingled them around.
"..." Alex regretfully chose to go along with her offer.
And it didn't take very long for him to regret that, as Josephine's driving was a little unhinged. When she had open space on the road she was swerving around slightly.
On straightaways, she was going WAY over the speed limit.
And all that while, Alex was pinned to his seat and suffering a mild panic attack.
"W-What is wrong with you?!" He blurted out, restraining swearing her out.
"Who cares?! This fu-fu-fuuuuuuuuuck!" She made a hard swerve around an incoming car, and it was that point that Alex realized that they were heading out of town.
"Hey! This isn't the way to go!" He said, leaning in towards her, but she wasn't listening, "Are you crazy? Stop driving!"
"WHEEE!" She slammed the gas pedal and started to reach 100 MPH.
"STOP!" He shouted in anger.
"Oh fine, f-fine…" She loosened her pressure and the speed started going down to a very, very slow pace as she pulled the car off road, landing on a partial slant.
Alex immediately got out of the car and with his spirits spent, he pulled out his phone and prepared to call his mom to come pick him up.
But the moment he was about to hit the dial button, Josephine jumped onto his back and turned him around, causing his phone to fall to the ground.
"Ha ha ha!" Her laughter was like a screeching harpy. Alex managed to pull her off and then faced her, holding his hands back, and putting all his anger into a scowl.
"ENOUGH!" He had picked up the signs. This damn girl was drunk.
After that brief outburst stunned her into silence, he turned around, picked up his phone, and muttered in a very, very tired voice, "I'm going…home."
When he turned back, she jumped the zipper of his jacket and pulled it straight down, "Naaaah, we're gonna…we're gonna…fuuuuuu…."
She stared and started a fit of unhinged giggling, "Hee hee hee…!"
Cause she unveiled Alex's "dark" secret, that he wore a shirt based on children's cartoons.
She stepped back, leaned in, and wagged her finger at him, "Looooooser…you're a kiddie loving looooooser…snrk!"
"..." Alex stared at her with not a shred of emotion in his eyes.
"What the hell am I doing?"
"Why am I here?"
The rain picked up, his body became positively soaked in a matter of seconds. He stared up into the clouds, finding comfort only in the chaotic sound of the thunderclap.
And even that felt…pathetic.
He creased a minor scowl and told himself, "...Who are you kidding Alex? A simple life? Yeah right…"
"You're part of a family cursed with excellence, with a name cursed with bad luck…"
"You can try and fight it. Pretend you're happy the way things are…"
"But it's time you finally admit it…you want things to change."
He slowly lowered his head to stare at this drunken, waste of a girl and made his judgment as blunt as a hammer, "Someone like her…is never going to amount to anything."
"..." And then he turned that hammer upon himself, "...How am I any different?"
"Yes. You're dissatisfied with life. You want free will, but the morals imposed onto this world will always prevent you from getting what you want."
"...I-I can't choose that," His morals fought back, "I…"
"Stop pretending."
Alex froze in place, and found tears had been rolling down his cheeks for a while now.
Shivering with hate towards himself, and guilt that he felt so strongly in his heart…
He stared at this pitiful, broken, wasteful girl, and whispered to himself, "C-Can you…help me?"
A cold fog was breathed onto the hair on the back of his neck, elated.
"I'm glad you finally asked."
There was a flash of black, of pure, unnerving silence…
And when Alex saw the light again, that girl was gone.
And he stood a few feet further away from where he was before.
His body felt cold, he knew his skin was dreadfully pale.
He looked up at the rain. The clouds looked a slight shade redder, before quickly returning to normal.
He started to look down and took a step back, and the ground made a loud, visceral sound.
Blood.
It was…a thick puddle of blood.
His heart rate quickened and he covered his mouth.
Futile, as his natural response was to lunge forward and vomit into the puddle.
"...!" Once the initial shock wore off, his pupils remained permanently dilated and he swung his head around.
He ran.
For how long, he didn't know.
But he never got exhausted.
The rain washed off the blood from his body.
He found his way back home and slammed his hands against the front door, hunched over in exhaustion.
It didn't take long for the lights to click on and his mom to answer.
"A-Alex?" She murmured in concern.
He lifted his head, and he could only imagine how scared and tired he had to look to make her hold him gently and warmly right away.
Trembling against her soft skin and caring touch, Alex whimpered pitifully, "W-What is wrong with me…?"
She stroked his hair and whispered, "Nothing."
What a terrible, terrible, awful day…
Next Time: Dream World RPG Returns!