Heaven Knows Everyone Is Miserable Now
Chapter 19: Monster
The sight of groups of people scattered about the farm fields, walking with purpose and sticking to predestined directions, was as surreal as sharing the van with three others. The last time Gintoki had been in the vicinity of that amount of living people, strangers who banded together by the dozens, hundreds, even thousands, had been at the very beginning of the outbreak when government shelters burst to the seams with panicked civilians. Gintoki retained faint memories of those times and the random groups he and the kids had joined in their haste to escape from Tokyo and its unrest, its chaos, the constant change of rules, the constant moving.
Seeing those numbers of people again did not feel real, nor safe. Gintoki remembered how most of those crowded places in the early days had ended up. So did Jirocho. If Gintoki trusted any of the garbage the old man had spouted, his distrust of surviving communities was at the top of Gintoki's list.
He stared through the van's window at the fields and scoured the distance for the pair of familiar heads he knew were not there. In her haste to assuage Gintoki, Sarutobi had told him Kagura and Shinpachi were too busy at the Yagyuu estate to join the groups clearing the farms. Gintoki noticed how vaguely she had worded her explanation, though after what had happened earlier in the forest, Gintoki didn't think Sarutobi had the courage to lie to him. He hoped she didn't. Because if she did, it meant Sarutobi was already in with these people and Gintoki had let Hijikata go with one of them.
He tensed in his seat, aware of the throbbing wound in his arm.
"Gin-san, are you feeling well?" Sarutobi's voice was quiet beside him. She looked at Gintoki like he was a wild animal. Her mouth a thin line as she spoke, "I know this is a lot to take in at first, but it's ok. The kids are ok."
"If you say so." Gintoki said.
"I do. Taking care of them… it's all I have left. I wouldn't…"
From the corner of his eye, Gintoki watched Sarutobi clench her hands into fists. Her eyeglasses slid down the bridge of her nose as she took a deep breath. Trusting her body language was easier than trusting her words. Gintoki read her pain clearly. The tension in her shoulders, the burden of self-possession. He saw her differently now than he had at the shrine. Since then, the two of them had walked the same path in opposite directions. Sarutobi out of the darkness and Gintoki into it. He could no longer judge the knife Sarutobi had held at Kagura's throat the first time they'd met, nor the bodies she had sowed across the mountain, dead and undead alike, to keep the Sweepers away from her and Zenzou's scent; to put up a barrier between the outside world and the little nest of grief the two of them had built among the pines. For, in his own way, Gintoki had done the same. Donned a mask to wander the world in search of Hijikata, his body, his corpse—any trace of him.
Watching Sarutobi now gave Gintoki a little hope. Despite what she had suffered losing Soyo and Zenzou, she still carried on surviving. She still carried on living. Protecting Kagura and Shinpachi, just as she had promised him. Maybe she had even found some other purpose to keep going. Something outside of Gintoki's understanding and, thus, something he couldn't trust. Not yet.
"It's a lot of people out here." Gintoki observed.
"Yes. They are cautious about outsiders, but they care about helping people," Sarutobi said, words which held no meaning since they could be heard by the two estate men sitting in front, "They have to. They need people. More than anything."
Gintoki met the eyes of a group of workers fixing a fence by the road. They stared back at him with guarded expressions as the van passed by. It hadn't been the first group of people gaping at him since they had reached the fields.
"That guy back there," Gintoki said, recalling Kitaoji's speech, "He said they got people to feed. I didn't think it was like this."
"I could barely believe it myself when we first got here," Sarutobi said, "They are in contact with other settlements too. I guess the world is doing better than we thought."
"I guess," Gintoki nodded, "What's the catch?"
"There is no catch," answered the man in the passenger seat, "Master Yagyuu takes in anyone who is willing to serve the family and be part of our community."
"Serve is a strong word, don't you think?" Gintoki replied, eyes squinting.
Sarutobi nudged him with her elbow; a quick, discreet jab that deliberately missed Gintoki's bandaged arm.
"Don't mind him. These people are not very good with words," Sarutobi whispered by Gintoki's ear, "They have this strange fixation with the master of the Estate. Kinda like a mommy complex."
Gintoki's features writhed into a frown.
"So they are freaks? Couldn't you find a normal community?"
Sarutobi pouted.
"Gin-san, don't be cruel like this. Do you think I had a choice?! They found us! It was your dear Shinpachi-kun who gave us away, if you must know!" her voice escalated to a muffled, high-pitched screech pushed through gritted teeth, "I had nothing to do with it! Please hear me out, Gin-san. I'm telling the truth!"
Gintoki shook his head softly.
"I knew that four-eyes was shifty… with his pincer-like stare and the hair and the weird serf-vibes. I knew it!"
"Kitaoji-kun isn't like that. I mean, maybe a little. He's a little bit of a serf, but he is one of the few who actually hears and speaks sense. Please don't fuss so much, Gin-san."
Gintoki tugged his good arm away from Sarutobi's clingy clutches.
"One of the few?" he scoffed, "So it's all about to go down hill from here, uh? I bet Shinpachi is having the time of his life. While I was out there tearing through armies of growlers- wait, is Kagura even really alive? If what you said is true, I don't think she would survive long in this place."
"Well, actually, when I said they were busy doing chores, I didn't tell you the full story." Sarutobi said, head cast down.
"So you lied?"
Sarutobi raised her head at the accusation.
"No, Gin-san! No! Never! I would never lie to you! I just omitted the reason why they were busy doing chores."
Gintoki pinned a stern look on her. For a moment, they gazed at each other silently, letting the obvious realization settle in. Gintoki spared Sarutobi the big reveal. His voice was flat, bearing the heavy weight of resignation as he spoke.
"Kagura stole food?"
Sarutobi nodded.
"Kagura stole food."
"Of course she did," Gintoki sighed, "I supposed these Yagyuu freaks can't be that bad if they didn't kill her because of it."
A little smile curled Sarutobi's lips.
The gates of the Yagyuu settlement appeared in the distance as she spoke.
"She certainly tests their limits." Sarutobi said.
Gintoki had no doubt. His heart beat faster at the prospect of seeing the two kids. His unofficial wards. His family. In the back of his mind, he heard Hijikata's voice, deep and thrumming, encompassing all the understanding in the world.
The kids are waiting for you.
Gintoki smiled too.
"You can't keep a good kid down."
It was quiet in the car. Kitaoji's hyper awareness of Hijikata mirrored Hijikata's own regarding the man sat quietly beside him, so unlike Gintoki, so much Gintoki's opposite, that Hijikata could not but welcome the silence. However, the quiet was a double-edged sword as well. It cut through Hijikata's suspicions of the bespectacled man and went right to the heart of the matter.
The emptiness. The absence.
Of who and what, Hijikata couldn't exactly pin down. Events had followed one after the other in such a quick succession that he could barely keep his wits about him. While his senses focused on the sturdy steering wheel under his fingers and the road ahead, his subconscious seemed to work double-time, trying to juggle the sudden reunion with Sougo and the equally sudden separation from Gintoki. Hijikata could not conjure Gintoki's steady gaze, angry and eager and sweeping over Hijikata's entire body, without invoking Sougo's blank stare, immovable like marble and containing depths of hatred Hijikata could well imagine.
Her name was Mitsuba. Okita Mitsuba.
The echo of Hijikata's own voice rang in the back of his head, repeating Mitsuba's name over and over again and growing ever fainter until it disappeared and became Sougo's.
You are dead.
Dead. Dead. Dead.
"Been together long?"
Kitaoji's question broke the heavy silence without preamble. Straight to the point. A reminder that cold hard numbers were worthier of concern than a past Hijikata could not make peace with.
"What do you mean?" the words left Hijikata's mouth bitterly, as if he couldn't bear hearing them.
"You and him."
Hijikata pushed down a scoff, unwilling to show too much emotion and give Kitaoji a way in.
"What's it to you?" Hijikata grumbled.
Kitaoji huffed with amusement.
"I guess I got my answer."
"Think you're clever, uh?"
"He did as he was told, didn't he?"
It was Hijikata's turn to smirk at Kitaoji's feeble attempt to determine where Hijikata stood on the chain of command. Hijikata couldn't help but laugh, considering the particulars of his old job. Nevertheless, he relented, opting for a fact-based approach which Kitaoji seemed to favor.
"You people have his kids, what else did you expect?" Hijikata shot back.
Kitaoji nodded silently, depleted of smart comebacks. He stared ahead, expression serious.
"So is it more family you're taking me to?"
"No. Just people worthy of help."
"A rarity these days." Kitaoji observed.
"Sounds like you get your fair share of trouble filtering who gets past your gates."
"Unfortunately, we can't afford to be picky," Kitaoji said, disappointment mild in his voice, "We keep security as tight as we can."
Hijikata nodded silently at the admission. It sounded honest enough, as did the rest of Kitaoji's drivel. Further conversation didn't enlighten Hijikata on the man's intentions other than protecting the place he came from. Kitaoji's quirks, his manner of speech, his looks, all pointed to a capable enough fellow, quiet but obstinate when it came to his duty, with the makings of a fine officer in Hijikata's estimate. He suspected Kitaoji would open up more if Hijikata was more forthcoming himself. The dangers of the world at large fostered the undercurrent of suspicion between them as much as the negative amount of information Hijikata was willing to provide Kitaoji about himself. Discussions about him, about Gintoki, about anything related to Hijikata's recent past were too much of a sore point to press. And the more miles they drove, the longer they distanced themselves from their starting point, the more Hijikata withdrew into himself.
The familiarity of the terrain and the formality of journeying through a wasteland of rotters without a trusty shadow at his back, warped Hijikata's notion of time. An onslaught of new realizations reached him every hour, making a parody of the days it had taken him and Gintoki to reach the clinic. The miles of road he now traversed under clear skies and unimpeded roads didn't seem to match the ones and he and Gintoki had tangled themselves in the week before.
Hijikata couldn't help but marvel at himself. Being away from Gintoki's presence and tossed into sudden partnership with a stranger, allowed him to see parts of himself he hadn't noticed before. Parts which he had neutered to stay by Gintoki's side without losing himself completely. And, now, removed from Gintoki's orbit, those parts dawned on him coated in shame. All Hijikata could think about were Sougo's eyes studying him from a distance, his voice whispering in Hijikata's ear, describing all the ways Hijikata had failed and disappointed him and Kondo, and, of course, his sister.
The tiniest detail triggered a reaction. Every time Hijikata saw his reflection in the car window, he expected to meet Gintoki's gaze staring back at him. After every stab into the tender brains of a rotter, he waited for the idiot's proud exhale at his back. When he and Kitaoji returned to the car after clearing a stretch of road, the inside of the car smelled different. Off. The pang of absence struck Hijikata then. Without thinking, he reached for the piece of string around his neck and, not finding it, swept a thumb under his ring finger to feel nothing but skin.
He recognized the heartache. What it meant. He had felt it for so long. But somehow, it was easier to bear now. Despite the chaos inside his mind, the fear of admitting the truth, he could carry on because he knew where to return to. He knew his ring was safe. And waiting.
The gates of the Yagyuu estate loomed near as the van halted to a stop. The head of a sentry appeared above the walls that surrounded the compound and, after the driver gave his signal, the gates opened.
Gintoki's first assessment was wonder. Elegant trees endowed the place with the displaced atmosphere of times long gone, before the outbreak and before the modern world. The estate seemed frozen in time, perfectly kept, untouched by the horrors of the world outside its gates.
But soon the van drew up to a big courtyard where the first signs of decay could be seen: the estate's inhabitants. A ragtag group of people approached the van to confer with the drivers as they stepped out. Most were dressed in clothes washed but worn, hanging a bit too loose around their bodies so that belts and pieces of string kept them wrapped tight. Their wary eyes had the glint of life, but dark circles framed the loose skin underneath. The brittle hair and chapped lips, Gintoki knew only too well. Everything spoke of too much hunger and too little food.
They seemed serene, though. Deep in conversation. The guy who had driven them glanced back at Gintoki a few times while he talked, probably explaining the situation. Gintoki was used to dirty looks coming his way. It seemed the customary welcome around these parts, if the journey across the farm fields was any recollection.
"Stay here."
Sarutobi's voice stayed Gintoki's hand on the door handle. Gintoki looked at her and noticed her gazed fixed on a figure walking in their direction. Tall and lean, with long hair. Shoulders straight and chest puffed out.
"Is that the boss?"
Sarutobi's nose twitched with distaste.
"Resident prick." she muttered.
"Sounds fun."
"No, Gin-san, stop-"
Gintoki got out of the van. He filled his lungs with a deep inhale, taking in the fresh air. He surveyed the small group by the van, gauging their surprise and animosity.
This time he did hear the gasps. One woman covered her mouth in shock.
"You didn't restrain him?!" she howled.
"Lord, protect us!"
Gintoki heard the car door slam shut behind him. Sarutobi rushed to his side.
"I told you to stay inside!" she told him.
"Where's Kitaoji? Didn't he go with you lot?" one of the group asked.
"Somebody call Yagyuu-sama!"
"He's harmless. That's not him, I tell ya'." the driver said, assuaging the others.
The constant looks in Gintoki's direction unsettled him. He lowered his head to sniff his clothes and sure, he had smelled better. The reflection staring back at him across the van's windows also had room for improvement, namely a shave and a wash. His silvery hair looked matte and dirty, with clumps of dried blood still stuck here and there. There was only so much Gintoki could do with what was left of a torn shirt one of the guys had borrowed him.
"Who do they think I am again?" Gintoki asked Sarutobi, voice hush.
"That's what I was trying to find out before you ruined it!" Sarutobi hissed.
"Look! It's Toujo-san! Toujo-san is here!"
The crowd fell silent as the tall, lean prick Sarutobi had glared at before reached them. He took a few seconds to size Gintoki up, then cleared his throat.
"I must confess this is a surprise. Where's Itsuki-kun? Why is he not with you?"
The effortless smile on the man's face seemed on the brink of cracking. The guy who'd driven the van tried to explain again, but was instantly shut down.
"Kitaoji-san stayed behind to help-"
"Well, that was not his decision to make, was it?" Mr. Prick said, "Don't tell me this was all you again," his eyes fell on Sarutobi, gleaming with contempt, "I'll be sure to let the Young Master hear all about you leaving Itsuki-kun behind to fend for himself-"
"We didn't-" Sarutobi's outburst was cut short with a wave of Toujou's hand.
"Enough. There will be a time and a place for your excuses. First, we have to deal with the matter at hand, don't we?"
Toujou's eyes finally fell on Gintoki; a pair of mean, shrewd slits that Gintoki would have loved to pry open with his blade.
"Sorry to bust your party." Gintoki shrugged.
"You don't speak," Toujou said, no emotion in his voice.
Gintoki frowned, growing more and more pissed by the second.
"You two," Toujou addressed the two men who had accompanied Gintoki and Sarutobi with a hard stare, devoid of a smile, "If you wish me to reconsider the punishment your morbidly stupid actions have called for, you will hold this thing right this instant and lock it up in the shed."
The word thing followed a quick nod in Gintoki's direction, though Gintoki took too long to consider the ramifications of Toujou's orders because at the exact same time Toujou started laying into the two stunned men grappling with Gintoki's existence, a figure appeared on the deck of the next building over that arrested all of Gintoki's attention. Hair black and short. Eyes watering behind a pair of dirty glasses. He looked a bit taller, or perhaps that was just the illusion of a heart that couldn't help but swell twice its size at the sight.
Two pairs of strong hands bound Gintoki's arms. He gasped at the sudden pressure on his wound and fell to the ground after a kick to the shins. His knees buckled. The instinct to fight only kicked in when Shinpachi's voice reached him, as braying and comforting as ever.
"Gin-san! Gin-san! Stop! What are you doing!? Stop! Gin-san! Gin-san!"
Shinpachi's cries mixed with Sarutobi's. Gintoki saw her trying to fight the men off him, but the small group of people surrounding them followed Toujou's orders promptly. They grabbed Sarutobi and pulled her aside so that the two men could finish tying Gintoki's hands and drag him away unobstructed.
Gintoki hit the ground with the side of his face as one of the men drove the heel of his boot on his back while the other wrapped a zip tie around his wrists.
"So much for taking in anyone," Gintoki muttered, "I knew there'd be a catch."
"If the thing speaks again, gag it." Toujou said, though after a brief pause he changed his mind, "Better just gag it now. Never know when it will decide to bite."
A piece of rough spun fabric was pushed against Gintoki's mouth and tied around the back of his head. The dry, pressing feeling of the cloth against his tongue brought back bad memories of the shrine—the feel of warm entrails against his fingertips, the darkness of the room where the Sweepers had left him and Hijikata beaten unconscious as a treat for Zenzou's rotting corpse.
"Where are they taking him?! Oi! Stop it! Stop!" Shinpachi's cries rang above the other voices as he reached the small crowd.
The zip tie bit into Gintoki's wrists. The wound in his arm burned hot. But Gintoki pushed the sensations to the recesses of his mind so he could focus on Shinpachi's young, calloused voice demanding answers from anyone who would listen to him.
"What happened?! What's going on? Where did you find him? Sarutobi-san!"
"Everything will be alright, Shinpachi-kun," Sarutobi said, "Go get Kagura-chan, before she hears it from anyone else."
"But where are they taking him? Why are they locking him up? What has he done?!"
"I'll take care of this. Just do as I ask, please. Find Kagura-chan. I'll be back."
Sarutobi's hurried footsteps disappeared, but not Shinpachi's voice. He kept pressing people for answers.
Gintoki looked over his shoulder and watched him fight against two pairs of arms holding him back.
"Oi, you can't do that to him! Where's Kitaoji-san? Didn't he go out with them? Kitaoji-san knows him. I told Kitaoji-san-"
"Well. Kitaoji-san ain't here, is he?" a man told him briskly.
"Is he- is he dead?" Shinpachi's voice dwindled for a second.
"We don't know-"
"Of course we know!" spat the shrill woman who'd covered her hand at the sight of Gintoki before, "Don't you know who that is, boy? That's the Crow! He killed Kitaoji-san! He killed my family! He's a monster!"