What does it mean to be human? It was a question that someone who was never human to begin with could ever hope to find an answer to. It was easy to say that the memories defined a person, but does that logic apply to being human?
"So why do you choose to live as a human?"
"Are we so different from humans?" Aether asked in response to the question.
When the nameless puppet was born, he cried before his mother as he lacked the words to express his emotions. His mother said nothing to him, she showed no emotions to him, and she threw him away. On the same day he was created, his mother left him.
Day after day, month after month, year after year, he waited for her return, his hand always clutching hold of the feather she left behind. But she never did.
That was how he learned what 'abandonment' was.
"It hurt when I saw her walk away. It hurt even more when I realised she wasn't coming back."
The nameless puppet roamed around his new home — his prison — searching for something else that his mother left behind but apart from the feather he held in his hands, there was nothing. The nameless puppet spent his days wandering around his home. He had tried to leave once but the way to the domain was sealed off and no matter what he did, he could not break through it. There was no one else in this place except for him. No creatures, no life, nothing at all but him. Even the trees that grew in this place was nothing more than an illusion born from the energies sustaining the domain.
"I didn't know how long I stayed in that place, only that time was a curse when spent with no one. A lifetime of loneliness… I'd rather spend my time in the Abyss with the monsters to keep me company."
That was how he learned what 'loneliness' was.
Eventually, a group of humans found the nameless puppet and brought him to their home. They took care of him and showed him how to live. They taught him how to read and write. They taught him how to be human. However, the humans did not know what to call him and the puppet had no name so they decided to bestow him with one — Kabukimono.
"They named me that because my behaviour was strange, too inhuman, but that name was what tied me to them so I accepted it."
That was how he learned what 'joy' was.
However, despite living with the humans, Kabukimono did not know what it meant to be one. He was a puppet. He did not need to breathe, he lacked a beating heart in his chest, and he was never warm. Yet, the humans he lived with did not fear him. They took him in as their friend and family, raising him in place of his mother who abandoned him.
They never cared for what he was or who he was. In return, Kabukimono strived to make them happy. He learned what they taught him and he helped in any way he could. He learned swordsmithing from them as well as how to wield the very weapon he forged.
That was how he learned what 'happiness' was.
Kabukimono lived with the humans for a long time. He thought that he had found the purpose in life he was looking for. Until one fateful day, one of the swordsmiths at Tatarasuna fell ill. It was the starting point as slowly, one by one, more people fell ill. There was visible black smog coming out of the furnace, slowly killing the people who went near it. However, the furnace was the lifeblood of the people living in Tatarasuna. They could not just abandon their livelihood.
Niwa Hisahide, one of the humans caring for Kabukimono, sent out people to seek aid from the Raiden Shogun. However, none of the messages reached the Raiden Shogun's ears with the messengers seemingly disappearing into thin air. This was no longer an accident, this was sabotage.
In the end, Kabukimono volunteered to seek an audience with the Raiden Shogun. He still had the feather she gave to him. She would not deny his presence… at least he hoped so.
However, he was stopped at the gates and was denied entry into the castle. He begged the guards to let him through, telling them that there was a disaster at Tatarasuna, even showing them the proof of his heritage.
But they refused to let him through.
"I never saw her. She didn't come out of the castle to see me at all."
That was how he learned what 'despair' was.
He begged to see someone, anyone, who could help him save Tatarasuna and he was directed to Yae Miko, the Raiden Shogun's closest aide.
She listened to him as he told her what was happening at Tatarasuna and he begged her to act quickly before it was too late. He even gave her his most precious treasure, the feathered proof of his birthright, in exchange for her help. However, she promised him that she would assist him at a later time but time was something he did not have. He tried to tell her that but she brushed him off and hurried away. When he tried to follow her, the guards forcefully removed him from the castle grounds.
"She did not understand the gravity of the situation. Instead, she promised me nothing but empty words and thought that was enough."
That was how he learned what 'helpless' was.
Kabukimono hurried back to Tatarasuna with the empty promises weighing heavily in his mind. He came back empty-handed and apologised for his failure, only to find out that the one he called his family, Niwa Hisahide, had fled. He was told that he fled because he wanted to live and left the people of Tatarasuna to their fate. Kabukimono could not believe it but there was no evidence to prove contrary.
"'What if I told you there was a way to save the people of Tatarasuna?' Oh how I leapt at those words. I was so foolish back then."
The man gave him a box that would absorb the destructive energy emanating from the core of the furnace, long enough to remove every last drop of pollution emanating from the core. It was the last thing Niwa Hisahide left behind before he left Tatarasuna and it was the last thing he entrusted to Kabukimono. Although Kabukimono was suspicious of the item, he decided to accept the task.
Kabukimono marched into the broken furnace with the box in his hand. He thought he would be subjected to pain and torment but the person was right, the box did protect him from the furnace. Once all the pollutants were cleared, he quickly returned to the man but when Kabukimono held the box out to him, the man refused to take it.
"'Why don't you open the box and see what's inside? It's the last thing Niwa left behind for you. It's what you've always wanted,' he said. And like a fool, I obeyed."
In it lay a bloodied flesh of a once beating heart, now withered within its confines, that used to reside in the body of an innocent man. He explained to Kabukimono that Niwa Hisahide had killed his servant and tore their heart out of their chest. The heart was placed in the box and the man was asked to entrust it to Kabukimono.
In a fit of rage, Kabukimono threw the box — heart and all — onto the ground and crushed it beneath his foot.
"When I finally obtained a heart, I no longer wanted it."
That was how he learned what 'betrayal' was.
Kabukimono left the village in his anger, uncaring of what the future held for them. His wanderings took him to a sickly boy living alone in an abandoned village. The nameless boy welcomed him into his home and in return, Kabukimono took care of him. The boy made a promise with the puppet, to never leave his side, to always be together forever.
However, time was cruel and fate was just as merciless.
That was how he learned what 'grief' was.
"I wasn't there when he passed and when I came back, I was furious. 'How dare he betray me too!', 'How dare he break his promise!'. I didn't consider that he never wanted to break his promise to me. He died alone and all I cared about was the betrayal."
Kabukimono burned his home along with the body of the child he once called his brother. He lay down as the house burned, leaning against the wall as the fire raged all around him. He no longer cared if he burned to ashes as he watched the dancing flames. If he perished in the fire, then so be it. He was done living this life.
"I made a wish back then. I wished that I wasn't born. How strange that it did eventually come true. But in the end… it changed nothing."
That was how he learned what 'sorrow' was.
The puppet discarded his name after that day. 'Kabukimono' was filled with too many memories of betrayal, it was a name he could no longer use when it brought nothing but anger and grief to him. On that day, 'Kabukimono' died and 'Kunikuzushi' was born.
The first thing Kunikuzushi did was to take revenge. He wanted the people who betrayed him to suffer, everyone, including those close to them. Everyone would pay and Kunikuzushi did not care how innocent those people were.
"To me, they were the same as the people who betrayed me. It didn't matter that they never saw me in their entire life or that they were not closely related. It didn't matter if there were children. In my eyes, they were the same. Their blood remained stained on my hands. Even if history changed, it doesn't remove what really happened."
That was how he learned what 'bitterness' was.
When Kunikuzushi found a samurai who was related to Niwa, he found that he could not lift his blade to end his life. The man lay defeated on the ground and the bloodied sword Kunikuzushi carried was still in his hand. His revenge lay before him but he could not bring himself to do it. In the end, he spared the samurai's life and he left to wander Inazuma once again.
That was how he learned what 'emptiness' was.
He wandered around the country for years until a Fatui Harbinger found him and invited him to meet the Tsaritsa. With nothing else left for him in Inazuma, he agreed and followed the Harbinger to Snezhnaya.
Kunikuzushi was brought before the Tsaritsa and the Archon invited him to join her as one of the Fatui Harbingers. He had potential, she told him. She could help him obtain anything that he desired, she told him. However, there was nothing that Kunikuzushi wanted. He had no purpose, no power, and no aspirations.
Then the Tsaritsa promised him to bring about the Electro Archon's downfall.
He remembered his original purpose behind his creation — to take the place of the Electro Archon. He could use the Fatui to obtain the Electro Gnosis, then he could ascend and take the throne for himself. He could become a god greater than his mother.
That was how he learned what 'desire' was.
On that day, 'Kunikuzushi' became 'Scaramouche, The Balladeer'.
Scaramouche served the Tsaritsa for years, often assigned to assist one of the Fatui Harbingers, Dottore, with his research.
Being a puppet meant he was more resilient than humans — a fact that Dottore exploited. He was subjected to endless painful experiments and he was often thrown into the Abyss to gather data. It was constant pain and suffering but Scaramouche persevered through it. He refused to back down from anything thrown his way. He held his head high even when he wanted to scream and cry.
That was how he learned what 'torment' was.
The first time he heard of the Traveller, he overheard a report about La Signora's success in obtaining the Anemo Gnosis. The report spoke of the Honorary Knight of Favonius who was with the Anemo Archon when the Harbinger struck. He thought the Traveller was weak for being easily defeated by someone like La Signora and so he put the Traveller out of his mind.
"Make no mistake, I still think that you're weak. Your kindness will get you killed one day."
So when he first met the Traveller, he thought nothing of him. The weak Traveller was nothing but a pebble on the side of the road towards his final goal of becoming a god. He had more important things to focus on like the meteorites that Pierro had taken a large interest in. Scaramouche did not know and he did not care to learn why but a mission was a mission.
(But what was the price of gaining the knowledge that one must not know?)
"The stars, the sky… It's all a gigantic hoax. A lie."
The second time he met the Traveller, a few years had passed since their first meeting and Scaramouche was not surprised to find the Traveller at the Delusion Factory in Inazuma. It was all too easy to anger the Traveller when the god's rage still lingered on this tainted land and with his anger, he absorbed the miasma that was slowly poisoning his body. However, before Scaramouche could kill the vulnerable Traveller, Yae Miko stopped him.
He wanted to take revenge for when she abandoned him and Tatarasuna to their fate but she offered him the Electro Gnosis in exchange for sparing the Traveller's life.
"I wonder… If I said no back then, would the outcome be any different?"
"You wouldn't have," Aether said. "You valued the Electro Gnosis more than anything."
"Hmph. And look where that brought me."
With the Electro Gnosis in his hands, Scaramouche was one step closer to his ultimate goal. All he needed was a way to draw upon the power that Gnosis held. And for that, Dottore offered to help him.
"Why?" Scaramouche questioned as he narrowed his eyes in suspicion at the Harbinger.
"You want to become a god, and I want to know if that's possible," Dottore explained. "It's a mutual benefit."
Scaramouche followed Dottore to Sumeru where he convinced the Grand Sage to allow the Fatui to build an artificial god beneath the Akademiya.
A lot of time was needed to build the vessel and there was nothing Scaramouche could do to speed things up. He spent most of the time being experimented on by Dottore. He kept telling himself that the constant pain and suffering was worth it to become a god. Once he obtained the power he so desperately sought, he would no longer be the puppet no one wanted.
(And if he kept telling himself, he would eventually believe it.)
The third time he met the Traveller, he was awakened from his slumber when someone touched his consciousness. At first, he felt the presence of the first human who revered him and so he allowed her to make contact with him. But when he felt the presence of the Traveller, he tried to latch on to the connection, only for it to be pulled out of his hand.
So the Traveller managed to obtain the protection of Buer, the Dendro Archon. Well, it was of no great importance, the Traveller would make contact with him again.
It was only a matter of time.
That was how he learned what 'anticipation' was.
The next time he met the Traveller, he first felt his presence close to his worshipper. Scaramouche immediately latched on to the connection, surprised when there was no one stopping him from moving his consciousness to the other side.
He opened his eyes to a greenhouse and he laughed when he saw the Traveller shift into a defensive stance. Oh how he missed the look of pale horror on the Traveller's face.
"Haha, I've missed that look of abject horror. You've given me that look every time we meet."
However, there was something else Scaramouche discovered the moment he connected himself to the Traveller.
"Oh? And to think you were blind the whole time. I wonder, do your 'friends' know about this? Do they pity you for what you are?"
He laughed at the shocked realisation on the Traveller's face. He laughed when the Traveller cowered in the face of thunder and lightning. He laughed when he felt the panic from the Traveller through the connection. He laughed at how the Traveller easily crumbled beneath his power. He laughed when he severed the connection between them, leaving the Traveller to his fate as he returned to his vessel.
"My friends knew about my disability," Aether said, "but not all of them know the truth. If I ever tell them, would they give me the same look of pity as you do?"
"How would you know what kind of look I'm giving you?"
Aether smiled, looking smug as if he knew some kind of secret that no one else did. "Just a feeling."
He laughed at the Traveller who warned him of what the Akademiya planned to do to him. What was the point of pretending to care for an enemy anyway? He already knew that there was no one else left in this world who cared about him.
"But I was wrong. You did care. How foolish."
When Scaramouche saw the Traveller again, the man was not alone.
Scaramouche scoffed. So what was one or two more to represent the Dendro Archon in a duel among gods? He was strong, stronger than even his own mother! At the end of this battle, he would stand victorious and he would claim the Dendro Gnosis as his prize. With two Gnoses, he would become the strongest god in the entirety of Teyvat.
It was laughably easy to break through the enemy defences. Their attacks did nothing to his vessel and the Dendro Archon did not even try to fight back. Where was their bravado now?
However, when he reached in to grab the Dendro Gnosis, he came out empty-handed.
"Do you even know how many times you've tried to take my Gnosis from me?" the Dendro Archon asked, her eyes never once breaking away. "We just concluded the 168th loop. Did you know that, in the effort to create you The people of Sumeru were forced to live through the exact same number of Sabzeruz Festivals and Samsara cycles?"
"The power of dreams… When did you use it on me…" Scaramouche said in confusion as he watched the world around him shatter into pieces.
At first, he was surprised when the world shattered all around him. Then, he understood what happened. And finally, he felt anger for having fallen for such trickery. He pulled himself together for what will finally be the proper and final showdown between gods.
No more lies and trickery.
…And he lost.
For the first time since Scaramouche ascended to become a god, he lost to the very thing he once dreamt of becoming. He lost to humans. The Gnosis was forcefully taken away from him and he was left with nothing more than an empty shell of himself yet again. It was always the same thing. He would obtain the one thing that made him happy, only for it to be ripped away from his hands over and over again.
Even when he became a god, it never changed.
"No! Wait! Please! Anything but the Gnosis…!"
That was how he learned what 'loss' was.
When Scaramouche tore himself out of the machine in a desperate attempt to stop the Dendro Archon from taking away the Gnosis, he lost connection with his body. Though he was conscious, he was trapped in his mind and in the darkness with no way of knowing what was happening outside.
He was never meant to be removed from the vessel. And in this world with only himself for company… It was the first time Scaramouche felt so alone.
That was how he learned what 'fear' was.
It was a long time before the Dendro Archon showed up in this dark world. She told him that she would get him out and when Scaramouche asked her what the price of freedom was, she told him there was none. However, that did not mean that he was freed from the judgement that awaited him.
"So why bother to let me out? Just keep me here forever. It's a fitting end for someone who tried to take your throne isn't it?"
However, contrary to his expectations, the Dendro Archon shook her head in disagreement. "To keep you here would be cruel. Whether you deserve something or not is not your decision to make."
When Scaramouche was pulled back into reality, the Dendro Archon, Nahida, offered a deal to him — Investigate Irminsul on the Princess of the Abyss with the Traveller and she would protect him from everyone he had wronged before… even from her friend, the Traveller.
"Why?"
"Though what you did was immoral and wrong, you were only trying to survive and there's nothing wrong about that."
Scaramouche wanted to say no, to yell and scream that he did not need anyone's protection even if he lacked the power to do so. Let him rot! Throw him into the Abyss to wander in the madness forever! It was what he deserved after all. However, he agreed to her demands because she was right. Who was he to decide what he deserved? He lost that right since the day he was born.
Nahida had him bring the Traveller to her, trusting him not to run off the moment he left the Sanctuary of Surasthana.
(As if he had the power to fight her off in his current state.)
He did as he was told, luring the Traveller with glimpses of his shadows. The Traveller never noticed him but his companion did and that was enough. His companion was loud and she pulled the Traveller towards him as he walked away towards the Sanctuary of Surasthana.
The Traveller showed up at the sanctuary shortly afterwards and his companion demanded to know why Scaramouche was walking around freely despite the crimes he committed, as if she had the right to judge when Nahida was standing right in front of her.
Scaramouche remained silent as Nahida explained to the Traveller what she wanted him to do, only sniping back when the Traveller's companion made any snide remarks at him. He may have lost and was currently powerless but that did not mean he was to stand there and allow insults to be thrown at him.
"Ugh, well that escalated quickly. Not a good start…" Nahida said. "Could I ask you all to please calm down?"
The Traveller agreed to Nahida's request, much to his companion's protests. His companion reluctantly agreed when Nahida promised to watch over the Scaramouche to ensure he would not attempt to hurt the Traveller. Internally, Scaramouche scoffed. Why would the Traveller need protection from him? He was in a god machine when he was defeated! His powers back then rivalled that of an Archon! And even with a disability, the Traveller still won. Do these people have so little faith in the Traveller?
He kept those thoughts to himself as he waited for Nahida to send them into Irminsul. He could go there by himself as he was connected to it when he was in the vessel when the Grand Sage was preparing to upload the knowledge of men into him, but Nahida had cut off his access to it even if the connection was still open. Thankfully, they never went ahead with the plan and now he could use it to his advantage. Nahida knew that and it was why she needed him to guide the Traveller to the centre where Scaramouche could relay his findings to him.
As soon as they entered Irminsul, they needed to wait for the Traveller to adjust to getting his 'sight' back before they could proceed. Scaramouche bit down his tongue to stop any hurtful remarks from tumbling out.
They had a truce and he would not be the first one to break it.
As they walked, the Traveller stayed mostly silent, only speaking once to shut Scaramouche up when he made a biting remark to his companion.
When they arrived at their destination, Scaramouche quickly went to work extracting the information he needed. With Nahida's help, his access to Irminsul was restored and he sent his consciousness into the tree. However, as he was querying for any strange findings recorded in Irminsul, he found a set of anonymous data. Curious, he pulled the information out to access it as the Traveller's companion demanded to know what he found. Giving in to her demands, Scaramouche played the memory stored in the data and he watched as the world shifted around him.
"Hey! Don't you forget the agreement. You have to share it with us!" Paimon said, huffing as she crossed her arms over her chest.
He watched as the past he once knew was shattered when the truth came out. He watched as Niwa was murdered by the man who gave him the withered heart in a box, the same man who lied to him that Niwa betrayed him.
"Dottore!" Scaramouche shouted, his voice full of anger and rage.
It was one lie and it took him down a path of blood. So many innocent lives lost because of that one lie. His very existence resulted in the death of his loved ones. If only he never existed, then Dottore would not kill Niwa just to use him for his sick experiments. If only he never existed, then no one would die because of a single lie. If only he never existed, then all those tragedies would not have occurred. If he never existed, would his brother live as well?
Why was he given life when all he ever did was take the lives of others?
"If only I could have burned to death in that fire too… No, in fact… I wish I'd never been born at all."
But one could not turn back time and history would not forget. The proof was stored in Irminsul… but what if someone deletes the information from Irminsul? If the record ceased to exist then it might as well not exist at all, as if the record was never created to begin with.
Scaramouche's eyes fell upon the Traveller who was still trying to break down the information he obtained from the memory in the anonymous data.
The Fatui had a category for outlanders, true outlanders who were unbound by Teyvat. They called them 'Descenders' and Scaramouche knew that the Traveller was one of them. Pierro told him once that Descenders could not be affected by Teyvat's laws and back then, Scaramouche had no idea what he was talking about. But now? If there was a way that could defy the flow of time in this world then it was likely that the Traveller would know about it. And if he could confirm it then he could remove himself from Irminsul, thereby changing the past to ensure that no more tragedies occurred.
"It was foolish hope, a desperate attempt to change what could not be changed. It amounted to nothing in the end."
Aether shook his head in disagreement. "You tried and that's important."
"And you're an optimistic fool."
That was how he learned what 'hope' was.
His thoughts were broken when the Traveller spoke to him. It was strange to hear words of comfort from people he used to call his enemies. The Traveller reminded him of his reason for coming to Irminsul, unaware of the desperate plans Scaramouche had created.
Irminsul would not contain any information of the Descenders, something he already expected. However, he remembered that Pierro had removed the Traveller's twin from the list which meant that she was no longer counted as one of the Descenders. He had thought nothing of it, uncaring of the fate that befell her but now he wished he had paid more attention when he spoke of her.
Still, he shared whatever information he remembered from when Pierro was reminiscing in front of him. Anything that he could remember. It was not much but it was more than what Irminsul could offer.
In exchange for the information, Scaramouche wanted information in return.
He knew that Nahida would catch on to what he might do and so, with the last dregs of his power, he connected to the Traveller's consciousness through physical contact of their mental bodies. He asked him if it was possible to change the past and he was rewarded with the Traveller's hesitant face.
That expression was an answer all in itself.
"Scaramouche, what are you trying to do?" the Traveller demanded but Scaramouche ignored him.
Scaramouche touched Irminsul and let himself be absorbed into it, ignoring the demands from the Traveller to stop. He fell into the sea of knowledge, scanning through the data until he found his own record.
"From this day forth, the names 'Balladeer' and 'Kabukimono' will cease to exist… Those who died in Tatarasuna because of me deserve another chance at life. You know, I never did like insects. Hordes of the puny things swarming together can be a real nuisance… and I enjoy nothing more than to stamp them out like the pests they are. But if a colony of harmless ants isn't threatening anyone, I guess they deserve to be left alone... Luckily, everything can be set right. It's time to solve this once and for all."
In a blink of an eye, the puppet ceased to exist.