Blubber

[SCHALE New Request Received. Sender: Okusora Ayane]

[Title: Help!]

Hoshino is in trouble! Come quick!

—

"What the hell…?"

More succinct words have never been spoken that accurately describe the situation.

After receiving the ominously presented request, you dropped everything and rushed to the Foreclosure Task Force's club room. What greeted you there was a scene truly peculiar. Sprawled all over the floor were the warm bodies of your precious students, battered and motionless. A few twitched when called by name, but they were mostly unresponsive. It was as if each one had fallen to the monstrosity trembling before your very eyes.

A spherical mass of… something sat on the chair in the middle of the room. It appeared to be alive, and it was only when it whimpered in a familiar voice did you dropped your guard.

"Uheee… Help me, Sensei—!"

—

Earlier…

It was a usual, if not chilly, day in the Abydos District. Sand got into feet; sand got into eyes. Sand got swept away from empty classrooms to make way for even more sand. Serika had returned from her shift of dutifully maintaining the school's facilities to find her adorable club members goofing off.

"...What are you doing?"

Her question was rhetoric, frankly. She didn't need to ask what they were doing. It looked dumb. It sounded dumb. The safe assumption was that, yes, they were doing dumb things.

"Ohh, welcome back, Serika~" Hoshino greeted. The short girl was twice her size— length-wise— and her features flushed a balmy red. A shirt draped over her head, and she popped out the other end with a smile, "Wanna help out?"

She appeared to be wearing several layers of shirts and putting on more. Why? Because why the hell not.

"To stave off the cold," Shiroko answered. She spread another shirt open in her arms. "Hoshino had this idea to wear more shirts this morning, and I wondered if we could take it a step further."

'How many shirts do you need to be warm enough to sleep outside?'

"It's brilliant, ya' know?" Hoshino said. "Ah, Shiroko really is taking after me. You're gonna make this old geezer cry!"

Shiroko nodded. "Nn. Nonomi, next box."

"Here~" While humming, Nonomi opened the cardboard box containing dozens of shirts in sizes far larger than any of them could wear. The shirts seemed packed just for the occasion, and a couple more of the same boxes were stacked in the corner. Clearly, someone was enjoying this.

Serika sighed. It didn't take her much to deduce what happened next. The three girls went past the point of trying to get warm and moved to the 'let's pile as many shirts as we can' phase. Because of course they will— probably no thanks to Nonomi egging them on.

It did look fun, though.

"Nghhh… Fine, I'll help." Two black cat ears perked up. Too late for her to try and stop the madness, anyhow. As they say, when in Abydos… go big or go question your sanity. She wasn't feeling up for the latter. "Shiroko, pass me that shirt."

"Catch."

"Hohh, that's the spirit~" Hoshino cheered. She readily accepted the new shirt put on by Serika. The number 58 was drawn on it by a marker, indicating how many layers they were at right now. "Alright, team. Let the operation commence! Let's go for the record and crack 100!"

"Yeah!" "Let's go!"

—

Ayane shrugged. "And that's the situation."

Simply put, the girls kept going until they used up all the shirts they had. Come time to take them off, they… couldn't.

The abominable shirtman that was now Hoshino cried out in pain as two pairs of hands attempted to pare off the outermost layer— like a human-sized onion made of cloth. "O-owch, s-stop! You're gonna break my arms!"

"Endure it!" Serika shouted. "We just need one good pull. On my count, Shiroko!"

A glint flashed across Shiroko's face. She held the shirt tightly and pulled, prompting Hoshino to cry louder.

To no avail. It was… harrowing to watch.

"Aren't you gonna help?" you asked Ayane.

The bespectacled girl shook her head. She had a difficult expression, one of forlorn resignation mixed with regret. No doubt she did not want anyone else involved in their club's silly affairs, but the utter doneness she felt pushed her off the edge.

All that was left was a hollowed-out voice pleading in despair. "I've done my part. Sensei, please. I'm busy, so I'll be back later…"

"Oh, uh… Thank you for your hard work…?"

Ayane didn't even spare a glance before closing the door behind her. Poor girl.

You turned towards Nonomi, the blonde hugging her knees as she rested. Her smile was ever-present, but you couldn't help but notice the distant look in her eyes. She's practically given up, as well.

Your attention focused on the two still making an effort. "How's it going?"

"No good," Serika answered. She tried yanking at a different angle, but that just tired her even more. She was too short to take advantage of any kind of leverage. "It seems like the more I pull, the tighter it gets. What are these shirts made of, anyway?"

"Nanofiber," Shiroko stated. "They harden in response to physical trauma, offering a new level of comfort and protection standard bulletproof vests can't provide."

"Really?"

"...No. I made it up. They're just regular cotton shirts."

"This isn't the time for jokes!"

That was a bit of a relief. A classic manzai act indicated the two at least had enough energy to spare.

"Hmm…" You took a step back after assessing the situation. Brute-forcing seemed possible with your help, albeit woefully inefficient. "How about cutting them off?"

"No!"

Nonomi stood up from behind you. She bit her lips in frustration, her beady-eyed face one stone's throw away from crying. The guilt must have been really tearing her up.

"Uhm…" she spoke hesitantly. You had an inkling it would not be anything good. "These shirts are from a loan from my family's company… If we start cutting them up, the Task Force would have to pay a fee for the damages. I offered to shoulder the costs, but…"

Yup. Not good at all. "How much?"

"...20 million…"

…

'If they were so expensive, don't use them for ridiculous stunts!' you chose not to say.

"Now, now," Hoshino interrupted, her voice muffled under the fabric. "There's no need to shift the blame, Nonomi. This was my idea. I'm the one who should take responsibility. We'll get through this. That's what Sensei is here for." She gestured what little she could towards you, "Right, Sensei?"

How mature. Despite being the most affected, Hoshino kept her composure, as expected of Abydos' fierce and stoic leader.

"By the way," Hoshino said, a mischievous grin cloying her lips, "I am extremely hot and uncomfortable right now, Sensei. That water bottle in your hand is really tempting for me. It looks so nice and juicy; I feel full just staring at it. I wish I could move my arms, but I'm completely immobile. Sensei, if you don't shove that large, moist bottle into my mouth right now, your precious Hoshino is gonna shrivel up and die. I'll turn into a decrepit old mummy, you know? You wouldn't want that."

…Remember what you said about her being mature? You take it all back.

"Here." Shiroko pulled out her own bottle of sports drink. "Drink this."

Hoshino stopped her before continuing her spiel. "You're missing the point, Shiroko. Sensei is the responsible adult here and I'm a completely helpless student. Sensei has no choice but to listen to me and cater to my whims, no matter what. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Listen, Shiroko. If you ever find yourself in my situation, you should take advantage of it every chance you get to conquer your man!"

Two very impressionable wolf ears fluttered in response. "Oh! I see!"

"That's what adults do! And speaking of, you should really hurry up, Sensei. I really will die if I don't get something to drink. Here." Hoshino opened her mouth wide— wider than it needed to be if you might add. "Ahhhhhh~"

You reluctantly brought your water bottle up to Hoshino's lips, to the clamor and embarrassed blushes of the teenage girls around you. She swallowed loudly and provocatively all the way to the last drop, and you had to mentally block your ears lest the impure thoughts come rushing in.

"Phaahhh~ I'm saved~" Hoshino exclaimed. Her balled-up body rocked in satisfaction. "My belly's all filled up with Sensei's fluids. It feels so good~"

Nonomi clapped. "Oh my. That was so bold, Sensei!"

"Amazing," Shiroko said, her cheeks pink with envy. "As expected of Hoshino."

"Of course~"

"Can at least ONE OF YOU take this seriously?!"

Serika screeched. She started pulling on the shirts again, desperation creeping in as she stared at you as if you were her last hope— her last bastion of stability. The earnest pleas finally shook you out of your stupor.

You had enough.

Serika cursed. "Damn, it looks like we really have to start cutting. I'm sorry, Nonomi…"

"D-don't worry about it…"

No.

You placed your hand on Serika's shoulder. "There's no need for that."

"Oh, Sensei's getting serious~," Hoshino said. "Told you we've got nothing to worry about—"

"Hoshino," you muttered, the scolding tone shutting her up. Her arrogant, carefree attitude started to irk you, and you glared at her in disappointment. Indeed, when children toyed too much with adults, they deserved a fierce correction.

"Y-yes…?" Her eyes widened when you suddenly unbuttoned your coat, trailing it close as you stripped and tossed it aside. "...?!"

Not just her. Stares and several muted gulps accompanied the sound of you rolling up your sleeves, revealing thick, muscular arms up to your biceps. This was the first time anyone saw your body since you hit up the gym months ago. Judging from their reactions, all that free weight training and after-work marathons paid off.

Left with little choice, it was your duty as an adult to follow through on the unsavory decisions in life. Your reputation as Kivotos' most wanted man preceded you, and you were thankful for the opportunity to vent your frustrations. Hoshino's gaze flickered left and right, confused about where to look as your imposing figure towered over her. She shrunk even more as you spoke:

"I just have to take off a girl's shirt, right?"

While technically accurate, the phrasing deferred much to the imagination. Hoshino knew it, too, as she began to stammer and apologize. "I-I get it, Sensei! I'm sorry for teasing you. You're scaring me!"

You gripped the hems of the shirts. "There is no forgiveness on the battlefield. Prepare yourself."

"Sensei?!"

["UP AND AT 'EM!"]

[Make a war cry.]

"HAAAAAAHHHH!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

…

Time passed, and you eventually carved your way through over 200 different shirts. Although it got easier the more you removed, it took nearly the entire afternoon for you to finish. Everyone, sans Ayane, collapsed on the floor in exhaustion, shivering as the cold winter breeze blew past.

Hoshino covered her face in her hands. "I feel so violated… How could you, Sensei? To an innocent young maiden like me…?"

"I did what I had to," you replied dryly, careening your neck towards the wall. Clearly, the Abydos' school uniforms weren't designed with waterproofing in mind, and, as she was the one drenched in the most sweat, you took extra care not to let your eyes hover over dangerous territory. You were lucky the other girls were too tired to notice.

"You're the one always saying you're an old hag," Serika pointed out. She wiped her cheek and started arranging whatever shirts she could reach into a pile. "Act like it for once. I'm just glad we got you out."

Shiroko nodded in agreement. Compared to the others, she seemed no worse for wear. This constituted nothing more than an early workout for her. You wished you had the same stamina.

The door to the clubroom opened, providing a much-needed distraction. Ayane walked in carrying with her a bag full of refreshments, along with an understandably apologetic smile. "Seems like I got back at the right time," Ayane said. "Great job, everyone."

"Welcome back~" Nonomi jumped in first. She grabbed an armful of energy drinks and tossed one to each of her club members. When she got to you, however, her peppy expression abruptly turned playful, as if a great idea had sprung into her mind. You knew from first-hand experience that it definitely was not going to be a great idea— at least, not for you.

"Hey, since Ayane's back, let's all take a bath together!"

Nonomi winked. You didn't need a dictionary to decipher what she meant by 'all' and 'together'.

"It should be fine if we wear our swimsuits. Right, Sensei?"

"Nah, I'm good. You girls have fun."

"Tch." A straight rejection. Nonomi clicked her tongue but slowly giggled when four hands raised to join her. With you or not, she was content with her suggestion— probably as her own way of making up for the whole mess.

Hoshino had decided to stay for a bit while the others chatted and made for the showers. Now alone, she sunk into her bed of shirts and gave you a heartfelt tug on your sleeve. You laid down next to her, clumping together several shirts to create a makeshift pillow. Peace has been restored… somewhat. You couldn't shake the feeling that you were getting too old for this.

"What a chaotic day."

Hoshino nodded. "Mhm. Sensei got pretty scary. I'll probably have nightmares about this for a long time. I'm just glad I'm not a whale…"

Again, how did it end up on the topic of whales?

"Heehee~ Didn't you know, Sensei? Whales have a fatty layer of skin called 'blubber' that helps keep them warm in the ocean."

You clicked the pieces together. That was probably where she got her idea from.

"I'm a human. I can wear whatever I want." Hoshino exhaled a deep breath. "Blubber sounds great when it's cold, but once it gets hot, it's pure torture. I'm happy I don't have that kind of fat."

…A cute, pudgy little Hoshino? "I wouldn't mind."

"Huh?"

"Hoshino is Hoshino. I think you would look cute no matter what."

"..."

No response. "What?"

Hoshino rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I'm cute, you lady-killer. You probably say that to all the girls, huh?"

"It's not a lie," you answered. That seemed to unimpress her even more.

"Fine, I'll believe you."

Hoshino sat up and hugged her body. For a moment, you thought she noticed the state of her uniform. Thankfully, that didn't appear to be the case. She smiled invitingly. "Sensei, since you helped me out again today, why don't you let this cute, blubberless girl scrub your back for you? I swear you'll enjoy it just as much as Nonomi's~"

How thoughtful of her.

"Nah, I'm good."

"...Tch."

—

Blubber is a thick layer of fat that surrounds whales and other sea-faring mammals that helps them maintain a warm body temperature in cold climates. This also allows them to be more buoyant, despite their immense weight.

Extra fact: The world record for highest number of shirts worn (as of time of writing) is 260.

Tangentially connected.

If you haven't read my other works, zany humor like this is typical. I will not apologize for it. I just wanted to get it all out before I write something more profound.

Her birthday is coming up, after all.