I wake up in familiar sheets and blankets, common sounds and smells and for a moment I feel like maybe I dreamt everything until I realize the most familiar things are the parts that don't fit and I'm sitting bolt upright.
"How am I here?" I mumble and find that I have pajamas on, even though I vividly remember falling asleep in much less and somewhere completely different…with my arms around a large silver wolf. I hop out of bed and look through my window and see that my truck is parked where it normally is…so where is he?
I throw on some clothes and head downstairs, Charlie has beaten me to the coffee pot and is reading the paper at the kitchen table.
"Worked late last night, kiddo?" he asks, still looking at the paper.
Actually, I nearly fucked Paul in the library. "Finished up some homework," I say, pulling my hood over my head hoping it would hide my flushed cheeks as I grab a mug and pour myself a cup of coffee; feeling slightly ashamed of how easily the lie rolls off my tongue.
"Okay then," he says, turning the page of the newspaper, "you got work today after school?"
"Yep," I say as I splash my coffee with some cream and a few spoonfuls of honey.
"You gonna be late tonight too doing homework?" and although his tone is light, there's the mildest bit of wariness as his eyes bore into my back.
"Why?" I ask, realizing Charlie was acutely in cop mode at the moment which means his current propensity for bullshit is not very high; I had to be careful. Charlie may come across as easy going and passive but he's no slouch when it comes to intuiting people and situations, which is a large reason why he's such an excellent cop.
"Oh I don't know Bella, could be the extra large guy I saw parking your truck out on the street late last night," he said calmly but it covered up the angry pressure that threatened to break through the well placed placidity, I could feel it.
"I was tired, so Paul took me home," I say with a shrug, hoping he'd buy it…for now.
"Paul from Thanksgiving?" he asks, one of his bushy eyebroes arching up and he's still holding the newspaper, which generally means that he's still not wholly invested in scrutinizing the situation with much gusto.
"Yeah, Jacob's friend," I smile and take a sip of my coffee and he folds up the newspaper, setting it on the counter.
Shit.
"So is he, like, a friend or you know a…boyfriend," he asks, looking at me with a steady careful eyes.
"Friend, Dad," I say, setting my coffee down on the table and sit in the chair opposite him, pulling my knees up to my chest, "not really ready for boyfriends these days."
This has him relaxing into his chair remarkably fast as he purses his lips and gives me a gentle nod. Usually he pivoted rapidly away from anything involving Edward seeing as he had to witness my dark spiral into depression for the past few months.
"Okay then," and he picks back up the paper. "You can always call me if you need a ride home," he says, looking over at me.
"I know Dad, thanks," I say and sip my coffee.
I walk into the library already burning. I let myself think about Paul all day during school and it was as exhilarating as it was distracting. I arrive through the front doors, my eyes lock onto the fiction section and the flames in my belly are doused in seeing his spot vacant.
He doesn't have to be here every day, get a grip. I take a deep breath and walk behind the front desk, Kelly greets me with a warm smile, a cup of coffee from the cart, and a pat on the shoulder as she practically skips out the door.
I try to occupy myself with tasks, willing myself not to look at the clock or the vacant spot in the fiction section. I'm finishing up putting all the books that need to go back onto the shelves in the historical non-fiction section when I find the Quileute Wolf Legends book laying out of place on top of the neatly filed books. I tuck it under my arm and finish my task, pushing the cart back up to the front desk.
It's more quiet today than it usually is after school on a weekday, which gives me time to take a few notes. I notice a dog eared page and flip to it, finding it is the beginning of a chapter called, "The Imprint of the Wolf."
I read through the chapter and take a few notes:
The Quileute wolf imprint is a bond that is as magical as the appearance of the wolf itself. It is unclear as to why or how, but the wolf that imprints does it once and it is for the remainder of their lifetime.
Imprinting happens primarily to members of the pack that are in roles of leadership; alphas or chiefs are the ones that imprint primarily.
There has been some controversy around the tale of the Third Wife and her sacrifice. Some say it was her death that saved the Quileute people from the cold ones, others say it was her blood.
The imprinted counterpart accepts the wolf and the bond of imprinting through the act of joining, which looks different for certain relationships. In their acceptance, certain abilities that are associated with the strength and magic of the blood of the wolf are inherited. The strength of the bond between wolf and imprinted determines the strength of abilities.
Imprinting a counterpart is historically not a choice, it is something that the Quileute wolf and their blood chooses.
It seems like imprinting was a Quileute wolf version of finding a soulmate which was incredibly romantic. It gave very little examples of what the act of "joining," meant…like a ceremony or a ritual of some kind? It said it "looks different for certain relationships," which I suppose makes sense; not all soulmates must be romantic ones.
Of course I had thought for a while that I had found my soulmate in Edward which now makes me laugh in the darkest of ways. Maybe someday I'll be able to look back at everything that transpired between him and I and not feel like a total fool for believing that I was wanted by someone who is so quintessentially…perfect.
…you are perfect, Bella… Paul's voice whispers across my mind; maybe someday I could understand what Paul sees when he says that I'm perfect, and not have the knee jerk reflex of denial. Maybe someday, I'll actually see what he sees.
I clear my throat and close the book, folding up the paper with all my notes. I take the book back to the correct shelf and slide it back into place, my eyes flitting again over to the fiction section and feel my heart sink a little further in seeing the empty spot where he usually sits.
A week has gone by; seven entire days and I haven't heard anything from Jake or Paul. Jake hasn't called and Paul hasn't been at the library which makes the hole in my chest twinge and itch and the sex monster writhe in sheer unbridled agony. As much as I try to just ignore any budding feelings I may have for Paul, I don't think I can deny the way my body responds when he's around me and when he's not; I feel irritable, frustrated, and angry with longing. It's intense, more so than anything I've felt with Edward…and a part of me is terrified…terrified, to endeavor into a new relationship when I still feel so broken from the last one. So where was he all of a sudden?
And why the sudden radio silence from Jake? What the hell was going on?
I decide to rip the bandaid off and call Jake to figure it out. I actually have my flip phone with me, because I have been hoping to get a call from Jake. So I punch in his number (the only one I really know, apart from Renee's) and listen to the line ring.
"Bella?" Jake answers.
"You're alive," I say sarcastically.
"Hi," he says, his voice sounds strained and worn. Like he had been up all night.
"I haven't seen you in a while. What's going on?" I ask.
"Um," he says, and pauses, trying to collect his thoughts, "listen, I…I'm sick, I've been really sick."
"You're sick?" I ask, trying to reign in any tone of cynicism because he sounded fine, "are you okay?"
"I don't know, I think so, I just…" he says and his voice is so weary and dry that it's freaking me out, "I'll call you when I'm better. Just, don't come to La Push, okay?"
"Why?"
"Promise me you won't come out here looking for me."
"Jake, you're scaring me, what's goin,-"
"Bella!" I've never heard him yell at me before and I'm stunned into silence, "promise me," he says more gently, pleading.
"Okay," I say quietly.
"I have to go. I'll call you when I'm…better," and he hangs up the phone.
What the hell was that? He's very clearly not sick and then makes me promise not to come see him? Does he even know me at all? I charge downstairs straight to the coat rack to grab my coat, toe into my snow boots and snatch up my keys. I have Charlie give me a quick set of directions to Billy's since I hadn't been there in months and I head for the door.
"Billy said he's got mono or something, apparently it's going around the rez right now, you sure you wanna,-"
"I'll be fine Dad," I snap, "I'll be back later," I yell over my shoulder as I walk out to my truck, hop in, reverse out of the driveway and start the drive out to La Push.
He sounded fine, well no he didn't sound fine he sounded like he's been through hell, what I mean is he didn't sound like he had mono; he wasn't sick and Jake was no liar so what was actually going on?
I step on the accelerator and go a little faster than what was comfortable and before long I'm pulling up to a small house tucked away behind trees and buried in fresh white snow. I park on the street and walk up to the front porch and hear voices on the far side of the house, behind a thick wall of trees. I walk around to the side and see a path that leads to a clearing where four guys were standing around talking, all shirtless which is absolutely insane. Then I see Jacob running up to meet them wearing nothing but athletic shorts.
"Jake," I yell over to him and he whirls around to see me standing on the path leading up to the clearing. I hear the guys in the distance start laughing and whooping at him.
"Bella?" Jake calls back to me and one of the guys in the distance turns suddenly around and I see the faint silhouette of Paul staring back at me. I'm angry and frustrated at both of them because I know this has to be about the werewolves. I wasn't an idiot and they were both shutting me out for no reason whatsoever; and then there's Sam and I don't know what kind of pull that guy has over both Paul and Jacob but he doesn't get to take both away from me; especially not Jake.
"Can I talk to you?" I yell and I hear one less whoop and holler in the distance as Jacob runs over to me. He's about 4 feet in front of me when he starts admonishing me.
"Bella I told you,-"
"Don't feed me more bullshit about you being sick Jake, because I'm not buying it," I say, my breath heaving as he approaches, "you're a werewolf."
He stares at me, bewildered with his mouth slightly open and eyes wide, "how did you,-"
"Paul changed into one in front of me, Jacob," I snapped back, "so what is this? Some kind of exclusive werewolf gang or something?"
He closes his mouth and looks back to the guys and they are now all looking intently at us.
"Jake, you promised me, you promised you wouldn't leave. You can't do this, not after what happened," I feel my eyes begin to prickle out of a lethal mixture of pure rage and agony, Sam doesn't get to take Jacob away from me. I wouldn't survive losing him too.
"I know I did, Bella, but I just,-" he steps closer to me but not close enough for me to touch him, to take his hand and I want him to. I want him to pull me into his big Jacob Black arms and push all the sadness away from my body like he always did. "I can't, I have to do this, it's important."
"What did Sam say to you?" I yell. What did he say that is pulling you away from me? Fresh tears stream down my face.
"Nothing, I,-" he stops and he winces the exact same way that Paul had that night in my truck. What was going on?
"Are you hurt? Is Sam hurting you?" I ask and I am practically seething with anger at this point, I want to punch that Sam guy right in the mouth.
"No, Bella, I'm fine. Just go home, okay? Please," he says in a resolving tone, but nothing is resolved, nothing has been explained to me and he turns to run to the other half naked guys standing around in the snow.
"Jake," I yell after him and he doesn't turn back this time and keeps running. He reaches the rest of them and I see Paul staring at me as a few more tears fall. "Goddammit," I yell and kick the snow that's piled up on the side of the path.
"Bella," and I turn to see Billy Black sitting in his wheelchair on the back porch. I can't stop the tears even when I'm angry crying and I feel utterly ridiculous.
"Hi Billy," I say through a sob as I put my hands on my knees to try and steady myself.
"Come inside," he yells back at me and I wipe my eyes and nose with my jacket and walk towards the back porch. I meet him through a sliding glass door leading into the house. It's been years since I was in Billy Black's house, but nothing has really changed. The furniture is still the same although arranged a bit differently so that Billy could get around easier in his chair, and there were pictures everywhere of Jacob and his twin sisters Rachel and Rebecca and one picture that sat in center on the mantle of the fireplace of Sarah, Jacob's mother that died in a car crash when he was nine. Everytime I see that picture of Sarah, I see Jacob.
"Here," Billy says, handing me a mug of hot coffee and wheels over to the living room where a fire is lit and I sit on the couch feeling the warmth on my legs.
"Thanks Billy," I say and I wipe a stray tear that escapes as I sip the coffee.
"So, you know about the wolves," he says and my eyes slide up to him and his eyes are gentle and warm, so much like Jake's.
"Yes," I say, rubbing the top of one of my thighs. "I've known about them for a few weeks. I guessed Jake was going to be one since Sam mentioned it a while ago while he was leaving school," I say, wrapping my hands around the mug, feeling the warmth begin to permeate through my frozen fingers.
"Do you know why they are changing?" he asks, barely moving or breaking his gaze from mine.
"Because of the vampires," I say and he nods, "but I don't get it. The Cullens are gone, why are they changing into werewolves now?"
"It's not the Cullens," he says and leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees, "Sam and the others have been tracking this particular vampire for a few weeks, but she seems to be incredibly fast and even better at disappearing."
Fuck. I thought she disappeared once the Cullens killed James, I thought Laurent and her moved on. I thought…
"What can you tell me about the red-headed vampire?" he asks and I feel my blood turn to ice as he validates my panic. I set down the coffee cup, worried I would drop it as my hands start to tremble, I swallow hard.
I explain to Billy all about James, Victoria, and Laurent, and how James and Victoria were mates; about how they showed up and James saw how much the Cullens wanted to protect me which spurred him into hunting and killing me even more. I told him about James tricking me into thinking that he had kidnapped Renee and held her hostage at my old ballet studio and that James had broken my bones and bit me before the Cullens arrived and killed him. Ever since then, we hadn't heard from Laurent or Victoria, but we knew she was out there; but the Cullens felt like she wouldn't dare come back and risk death...but the Cullens were gone now.
Now I'm vulnerable, now I'm fair game.
"Well it seems the Cullens have left you in quite a tight spot," Billy says diplomatically.
They left me to die.
"Um," I squeak, as my hands begin to tremble even more, "Billy can I use your restroom?" I can feel the vomit rising in my throat as Billy points to the hallway.
"First door on the right," and I get up and start walking but before I have a chance to get to the hallway, the world around me shrinks to a pinpoint and everything around me goes dark.
"Dude, I just don't see why you two are so smitten with this one, she looks like a ghost."
"I mean I guess I kinda see it, if you can see past the waify pasty-ness."
"Could you two give it a rest, what if she can hear you?"
"First it's Jake pining for like, ever, and now it's Paul and I'm so done."
"It's like Bella angst in stereo now."
"If you two don't shut the fuck up, I'll do it for you."
"Especially you Paul, you go down on her a few times and,-"
And then it's just a flurry of blows and grunts and I realize I've been cognizant for some time but I was getting some pretty good intel even if it wasn't the most honest of means.
"Okay okay, come on, that's enough," and this new voice is older, deeper, commanding, and reverential; this must be Sam Uley, "bunch of babies."
They all shuffle, sniff and murmur their apologies to Sam; I suppose now is as good a time as any to come alive. I crack open my eyes and I see Jacob sitting on the arm of the couch that I'm laid out on, close to where my feet are.
"Jake," I croak and then clear my throat and his eyes snap to me.
"Bella," he says and helps me sit up, "you okay?"
And then I remembered why I passed out and I feel sick to my stomach again.
"Jake, the red-headed vampire, her name is Victoria," I say, looking up at him, feeling my eyes go wide, "Jake she's dangerous, she'll kill you," my eyes flash over to Paul who's sitting on the chair across from me, watching me closely, his knuckles cracked and red, "she'll kill all of you."
Paul rolls his eyes and cracks his knuckles, and I want to punch him in the face as much as I want to have his mouth on me again. And one of the boys, shorter than Paul but taller than Jake, with longer black hair and wide set brown eyes says with a fresh bleeding cut across his lip, "I don't think we need to be worried." I look at him and I wonder if he knows how ignorant he sounds.
"Who are you?" I say, feeling the heat in my cheeks start to rise.
"I'm Quil Arteara," he says, tipping his chin up and crossing his arms.
"Okay Quil, explain to me why you don't need to be worried," I say, taking a deep breath and internally adjusting my level of condescension.
"Because we're werewolves and we'll tear her apart like we did the other one," he says, and he gets a validating high five from the other guy I don't know.
"The other one?" I say, "what other one?"
"Don't worry we didn't kill one of your precious Cullens," Paul finally interjects and I shoot him a withering look. His eyes are dark but they also look tired, defeated, that spark of longing that is usually there muted underneath whatever was going on.
"What did the other one look like?" I ask.
"Tall, dark skin, long dreadlocks, black suit and barefoot, bit of an accent," the other guy rattled off, "I'm Embry, by the way," he says and holds out his hand to me to shake, I take it and his warm hand enveloped mine in gentle firmness as he shook my hand cordially.
"That's Laurent, James and Victoria's third of their…group or nest or whatever," I say. I thought I heard the Cullens use the word "coven," at one point but that seemed more witchy than vampiric to me.
"Well Laurent won't be bothering anyone anymore," Quil says smiling.
Sam then walks over to me and crouches down to meet my eyes. "Bella, we need to know everything you know about this vampire, the more information we have, the more we can keep everyone safe. We think this one is emboldened because the Cullens are absent," Sam says
"Okay," I say, feeling a little strange that I'm finally talking to the guy that I've been trash talking with Jake for the past few weeks. "First, can I talk with Jake for a sec?" I say turning to him and Sam nods and helps me up. Jake and I walk out to the porch and stop at the path leading to my truck.
"What was that earlier? What the hell?" I say, crossing my arms over my chest.
"I'm sorry Bella. You surprised me and I didn't know what to say," he says.
"So you chose to shut me out?" I say, fresh tears pricking my eyes, "why?"
"Bella," he starts and looks down to his feet..
"I've never given you any reason not to trust me," I say and I feel my tears begin to spill over my eyes, "right?"
"No…Bella I'm,-" and he takes a deep breath and meets my eyes, "I'm so sorry. I was sworn to secrecy and I had no idea you knew. I only started shifting a few days ago and…" he puts his hand over my shoulder and gently squeezes, "it won't happen again, I promise."
"Jake I don't think I can survive losing you too," I say, feeling my stupid chin quiver as I slap more tears away from my cheeks.
He gives me an imploring look and pulls me in to hug me and it's like everything makes sense again. "I swear it, Bella, it won't happen again."
"Good," I say, "now do me a favor and grab Paul for me."
Jacob pulls away from me and his mouth twitches as one of his eyebrows hikes up slightly, "okay," as he turns his head in a profile and Paul walks out the front door. That was…weird. "Another wolf trick," he says pointing to his temple, "can talk to each other up here."
And the pieces begin to slot into place as realization rolls over me like fog burning away with the sun. All the wincing, the cryptic non-answers, and the overall frustrating brevity from the last few weeks with Paul made sense. He could hear them…it was telepathy…they were talking to him…oh my god were they talking to him while we were together?…my stomach flipped in a sickening way.
"Oh," I whisper out as Paul walks towards me with his hands in his pockets. Jake's eyes bounce back and forth between the both of us as our eyes meet and we stand there staring at each other for a few longer than normal seconds.
"I'm just…gonna…" and Jacob slowly walks backwards towards the front door and steps through once his hand reaches the handle.
"Bella," he says and my eyes narrow as I look at him. He looks back to the house and then to the trees, "come on," he says and then grabs my elbow and drags me over to the trees where my truck is parked.
I pull my elbow away as we reach the trees, "okay that's enough," I say angrily, "where the hell have you been?"
Paul looks down as he leans against the trees, "busy."
"Busy," I say and I step into him, my anger taking the reigns of my actions uninhibited, "fuck you Paul," and I walk towards my truck. I'm not going to do this, I fucking refuse to do this. I'm not waiting for anyone else ever again.
"Stop, Bella, wait," he runs over to me and stands in front of me, "okay, I'm…" he starts and he runs his hands through his hair, "I'm sorry okay? Jake had just started shifting and Sam wanted us to focus on him. I had to stay focused on him."
"Why couldn't you tell me that?" I snap, my fists balled at my sides, "Jake is my best friend and you're my…whatever the fuck you are and I know about both of you," I pause looking at him, his eyes are sharp as they flit between mine, "you should have told me, Paul." I walk around him and open my truck door.
"Bella, wait you're right, I should have said something," he says, putting his hand on the door, holding it open, stepping into me. "I wanted to say something but everything with the wolves," he starts and his lips form a tight line, "communication is challenging, for a lot of reasons."
"Because of the telepathy," I say and his eyes snap up to me.
"You know?"
"Jake just told me," I say as I gesture with my head to the house where Jake and the other guys are.
Paul pinches the bridge of his nose, "he's not supposed to," he sighs deeply, "well I guess it doesn't matter since you know so much already." His eyes meet mine and the flecks of green shine in the gray sunlight and I can't help but soften; I hate that those small parts of him have such influence over me. His hand comes up and his thumb brushes over my cheek, his warmth feeling like the summer sun on my skin and I lean into him, letting my lips brush over the palm of his hand. "Forgive me," he says and his hand threads into the hair at the back of my head, pulling me up to him and I hold his wrist as he brushes his lips against mine. His hands in my hair tightens as I lean into his mouth, sweeping my tongue between the crease of his lips, and I wrap my arms around his waist. His mouth becomes eager and his tongue invades my mouth with hungry fervor as I pull him closer and I rise to my toes. "Wanted this…so much," he whispers and my fire butterflies are back, taking flight with keen haste. "Wanted your mouth," he says against my lips and I sigh, "wanted you."
I reluctantly pull away, my lips hovering over his "then come to me," I nip at his lower lip, "come to me when you want me."
"I'd never get anything done," he chuckles and I smile, "and there is so much right now with this new vampire."
I brush my thumb over his cheek and I lower back down to my feet, "then I suppose I should leave you all to it," I say as I sit back in the driver's seat, "you know where I'll be."
"Wait Bella, you can't just go home," he says, and I look over to him.
"Why not?"
"I think we should probably come up with a plan, don't you think? To keep you and Charlie safe?" he says, giving me a look that says, "can you be more oblivious?"
And I squeeze the bridge of my nose, "yeah, yeah we should," and I step out of the truck as he puts his arm around my shoulders and we walk together back into Billy's house to make a plan.