V - To Live
Kakashi's hand paused at the door. Why was he here, why did he even try? He had failed before, failed to save them— their smiles, their hopes, their dreams. All he had done was stomp on them with his misguided beliefs of what a shinobi was. There was nothing left to live for, nothing in this mortal world that he wanted to see. Danzo was right— he had stopped living the moment Rin had died.
After all, his world had been his quest to become a true shinobi, one who was not like the White Fang. Since the start, everyone near to him had died. There was no world that could contain him, for Kakashi could not understand the world. Friendship. Bonds, faith. What use did they have in a cruel world, what was the purpose in such ideals? His dreams were haunted by their faces, by the past that had escaped him. His fears had taken feet and entrenched themselves so deep in his heart he had turned away from the world he had left.
His gaze shifted to the baby in the cot. Danzo had been strangely forthcoming with the information regarding sensei's son, especially when the Sandaime had classified it and barred Kakashi from seeing him— not that Kakashi had cared. He had been neck deep in ANBU and his own self-grief.
"H-hey..." Kakashi cringed as he looked at the blonde child. What was he supposed to say? "I was your dad's student..." The tears were flowing now, and Kakashi wiped his face slowly. The images of training, of Obito's pranks, of Minato-sensei had come into focus all of a sudden.
The baby just laughed as he watched him. It was the laughter of a child- quiet gurgles and the like. Those were the only sounds that eclipsed the room. As Kakashi watched the child, he thought of Minato-sensei, who had been like a father to him. He wasn't sure what he could be for Naruto, and wished that Obito had been here instead.
Obito would have picked up Naruto, would have smiled and laughed. It should have been Obito who lived, Obito who was so full of life and hope—
—But it was Kakashi.
"Jin. That is your name." The boy gazed at the tiny room he was in. He couldn't remember much— there was a tank, and then a funny old man. He felt different, more alive now. He wasn't exactly sure what was going on, so he slowly got to his feet. White hair fell to his back as his hand brushed across the grey wall.
Jin. That was who he was, his name. He had been in this room for the past few days, learning about some energy called chakra. He could hear footfalls, and his eyes locked on to an old man covered with bandages.
"So you are Jin." The voice was scratchy, and 'Jin' measured his options. Should he use chakra? "Only two years old, and with such intelligence..."
"Who are you?" There was no emotion in Jin's voice, for he did not know what it was to be human.
"Come closer child." Jin followed, and could see a seat next to the old man. The man sat down, and Jin followed his instructions. Whatever was happening was new, which meant it was fun.
"Do you ever wander why you were created?" Jin shook his head. Such a concept was lost on him. The old man chuckled, and turned his gaze towards Jin's pure blue eyes. "Your eyes— they are so much like him..."
The boy wandered who 'him' was, but decided it wouldn't be a proper question. "Are you my father?"
"What would make you think that?"
"People have fathers— that's what the book says. They have emotions and all kinds of thing that I don't have. You're the only guy who stayed long enough to talk to me."
The other man was silent, and appeared...sad? Jin knew that was bad, but how was he supposed to make him happy? He was happy because he had someone to talk too, something new to learn...
"It's ok if you're sad. Maybe we can learn something new together?"
The man broke down, and were those...tears? "Learn something new..." He shook his head, and looked back at Jin. "Tell me, what do you think of your life? Are you content?"
It was a context that the boy could not fathom— he knew there was something beyond this world, but he didn't know what it was. Was he happy here, or happy out learning? He frowned at those thoughts— he wanted to see the world, to understand what it meant to be human. It was the simple question of his existence.
"You know how to speak, what mankind is, what our language is. You know everything but can not feel anything." Jin just stared back at the man. What was he supposed to say? Would people get offended by the elder's words? In all the books he had been given, old people often had some wise words of wisdom, some new way to find a purpose.
The other man sighed, and put a hand on Jin's shoulder. The boy bristled, and looked upwards. He could feel something being pushed into his hands, and looked down. It appeared to be chocolate.
"Go on. You may eat it." Jin bit into the brown treat, and could feel some sensation. It was better than that of the previous mush he had been given to eat. His lips moved upwards, and he found himself curious. What was this feeling, was it h-happiness?
"Is this what happiness is, elder?"
"Happiness is different for everyone, Jin. It is up to each one of us to find it."
Jin frowned at those words. "I don't know my purpose or my happiness yet."
"You still have time to learn it, Jin. You need not worry so much."
"What about you? What's your purpose, elder?"
The man's lips curled upwards as he looked down at Jin. "I try to make this world a better place. I guess I'm trying to be a hero." He chuckled, and patted Jin on the back.
"A hero? Like the First Hokage?"
"A hero doesn't have to be someone strong. A hero can be anyone— such as an old man giving some kindness to a lost boy."
"...anyone..." Jin eyes furrowed as he thought over that statement. "Can I be a hero?"
"You can."
Jin smiled. The descriptions of the Hokage had been so cool, and the way Elder talked about heroes was cool too.
"Do you know why you were named Jin?"
There was a reason? Jin wasn't sure what to say— was his namesake some hero? He shook his head, and looked back at Elder for an answer.
"Names have great importance, I suppose. But you don't need to worry about that. As for your desire to see the outside world, I suppose that can be arranged."
Jin looked at everything he saw with awe. The world beyond his grey box was something fascinating— the expressions, the emotions, the sheer humanity. He learned more from this one trip than those books had ever thought him. Elder was following at his own sedate pace, and Jin was mostly free to go where he wanted.
"So this the world?"
"It is, Jin. This is what I want to protect— all these smiles."
"Why not me?" Jin was curious. He saw children with parents, children smiling. Why did he not have that love? Elder had already said he was not Jin's father. He did not receive a response, so dropped the question. The two continued on in silence.
"Are you hungry?"
Jin thought about it. Everything he saw was amazing, but he hadn't been able to have those feelings. Maybe food would bring back his smile?
"Okay then." The two entered a Ramen stand, and sat down. Elder ordered two bowls for the both of them, and Jin waited.
"Do you want to know something, Jin?" Jin turned his head towards Elder, and shrugged. Elder continued though. "Happiness is like currency. Not all of us can smile, and some of us sacrifice our smiles to make others happy."
Jin frowned. That was wrong—everyone should be able to smile. "That's wrong. Why can't everyone smile?"
Elder smiled then. "Some people put others above themselves, like parents. They would sacrifice everything to ensure their child lived, even if it meant not being able to watch their children grow up."
That made sense, and Jin wandered— did his parents sacrifice themselves for him? "So... people can't be happy without first feeling sad?"
Elder nodded. "Jin, you felt discomfort and empty in that room. When you were able to talk to me, you were able to be happy because you knew what discomfort was."
"So sadness is the absence of happiness..." That made sense. Jin didn't like feeling empty, and bored and the like. "But I still haven't found my purpose..."
"You still have time. You could be a shinobi, a chef, a businessman." Elder paused, and then looked at the bowls or hot ramen placed infront of them. "But at the end we all want happiness..."
"You are a shinobi, elder?" Jin poked his noodles, and tasted them. He felt happiness once more, and that emptiness was gone.
"I was. Now I teach young children." Elder had found his purpose in being a shinobi, and had spoken to Jin when no-one else had.
"Could I be a shinobi?"
Elder smiled, a full smile. "Of course you can. But right now, eat your noodles."