Hello! Another week, another update! ^-^

The rumblings of dinner filtered from the mess hall as I climbed the small porch, freshly showered, with the light buzz of a double shot fizzing at the base of my skull. It had been a long time since I'd felt this calm. On base, we were that much closer to the walls, so there was always that tiny threat of 'If there is a breach, we won't have a lot of time'. But here? Way out here? There would be plenty time, and the sightlines were good too. No sneaky Titan swarms would find us here. We'd see them coming for a solid three hours at the least. So, calm sunk into me and a whistled tune fell from my lips.

"Uh M-Miss Sanshi? Oh, sorry uh Corporal?"

"Robyn is fine." I smiled and meandered along the porch area to where Eren's little blonde pal was stood. Had he been waiting for me?

He shifted his weight. "I uh wanted to ask you something, b-but if you'd rather get to your food then–"

"It's fine." I grinned, and leaned against the railing. "Your name?"

"Armin Artlet." He gave a salute, only relaxing when I waved my hand. "My friends Eren and Mikasa are already pretty set on the Scouts but I uh... I was wondering a few things."

"If I can answer, I will. Or I can write to my Commander if it's something I don't know."

He jolted. "Oh! You would do that?"

"Not much use me bullshitting you with false information, is it?"

He smiled softly and nodded. "True. I wholeheartedly agree."

Damn these kids were sincere.

He continued. "What I was wondering was… The statistics for the Scouts, with the past five years having seen deaths decrease in your ranks, but remain around 30% per mission. Is that correct? Or hyped up by command who aren't keen on the regiment?"

I smirked. "You're a perceptive one." He blushed. "Well, I dunno that it's per mission. Sometimes we lose folks, sure. Other times we lose a lot. But it's rarely the same per mission. Depends where we're going, if it's new ground or revisiting old ground, if its a town we're exploring or if there's woodland nearby."

"What's the difference there?"

"Trees are far better for gear. Town… Well it takes more skill to get a kill done, or indeed to escape." I tapped my boots. "Skidding around on cobbles or rooftops doesn't half take it out on your equipment as well."

"I see…"

"So, you're unsure because you dunno that you can trust the official info?"

Something entered his blue eyes, a kind of aged experience that did not belong in someone of only fifteen-ish years. What the hell had this kid seen?

He leaned on the railing. "You seem pretty shrewd about them yourself."

"Yeah, but compared to you, I'm an old bag." I chuckled.

He simpered and clasped his hands tightly. "To put it lightly, I don't trust much that the higher ups say, without being to check it myself. Having heard the way things were reported after the wall fell… It's clear to see they like to put a shine on the truth."

"The type to crack a window and check if they say the sky's blue?"

He blushed. "I'm not paranoid or anything, I just–"

I laughed. "I was complimenting you, Armin. Sorry. Let me be clear, that's a good thing in my book, in almost any Scout's book. To question, to wonder, it's kinda what we do. It's often what drives people out beyond the walls, or rather, in between them."

"That's what I thought." He smiled softly. "But glad to hear it straight from a Scout. In all honesty, when we were kids, I thought Eren was kinda nuts for wanting to join you guys. I've always wanted to explore the outside world but… Can't say I'm much of a fighter."

Well, the kid did look about as robust as a tissue in the rain.

"And now?"

He frowned down at his hands. "It's like you said, be the clean up or the prevention. I fancy being part of the prevention. Seems far more efficient that way, and like I might be able to help in that area."

"So how come you didn't wanna say this in front of your pals?" I nudged him and he blushed brighter. "Fair enough if you only just thought of the questions but… I am kinda sensing something else?"

"Eren might think I was doubting the Scouts, and then Mikasa might well think I was doubting Eren so… Seemed best to ask you on your own, at least for now." He added with a small wince. "My friends are… They're great soldiers, and they're so determined. But I worry they also only see one side of the coin sometimes, if that makes sense?"

"A lot of sense." I let my hair loose and ran my fingers through it. "I don't envy you the amount of insight you seem to have, but it'll be a useful tool for you, no matter where you go."

He chuckled. "You're really not here to pressure, huh?"

"Nope." I winked. "Can't be arsed with that nonsense, and who knows maybe my dashing charm will do the job for me."

"I wouldn't know much about that, but the fact that you're forthright will certainly help those unsure."

The last of the sun slipped over the horizon, and lanterns were lit along the perimeter as those on patrol readied for the first hours of dusk.

I tapped the railing and headed for the mess-hall door. "Shall we, Armin Artlet?"

"Y-Yeah. Thanks for the information."

"It's what I'm here for." I grinned and headed inside, zoning in on the stew and bread, glad to have a helping of tea as well.

The cooks were the same as when it was my time training, so I had a small catch up with them, and it was heartening to know they were doing well. Their family's were healthy. A new baby had turned up whilst I was away, and the eldest son of the head chef now had a girlfriend. As much as it occasionally frustrated me how 'normal' some folks still had it, likely not ever being able to fully appreciate what soldiers and Scouts alike did for their normality to exist, I adored knowing how much life just… continued. Regardless of the blood, the pain, the losses. Life continued. As fragile as Humanity seemed to be, we were a damned stubborn species when it came to surviving.

As I looked for a seat Eren waved and I headed over to his table, where he sat with Mikasa, Armin, the freckled boy and Jean, along with a bald kid and a girl who was looking at her food like it was the love of her life.

"Thanks for the welcome." I nodded to them and sat. "Was kind of expecting to be more outcast than this in all honesty."

The bald boy tilted his head and spoke with his mouth full of bread. "Why?"

"I just know we were a pretty tight knit group when I was a trainee, so coming in as an outsider I figured there might be some tension." I stirred my stew. "But I'm very glad to be proven wrong."

Jean leaned on one hand, propped up by the elbow, very nonchalant and 'cool guy'. "So is Shadis gonna let you off the leash tomorrow?"

I smirked. "Leash?"

"Just wondering why you were only observing our training instead of getting stuck in, showing us how a real soldier fights and all that." His sarcasm practically dripped onto the table.

"I'm on no one's leash, Shadis is happy for me to spend my time here as I please, and it seemed more prudent to see how you lot did against each other first. A good soldier gets a lay of the land whenever they can." I ate a spoonful. "Why? You desperate to get your arse landed in the dirt?"

He snorted. "Big talk for such a small lady."

I blinked. The rest of the table were aghast, looking at him like he was insane. I had no idea why this kid had decided to enter a pissing match with me, but something was between his teeth clearly. And after all, I was here to answer questions, and I suppose in a way that meant I was here to teach. So, serving some humble pie couldn't hurt.

He shrugged. "I just question the point of sending a Scout here for two weeks. Seems more like you might be being punished for something, and we're actually here to babysit you."

"Gosh, and you figured that all out on your own? You're the brains of the class then?"

The rest of them tittered, doing their best not to laugh but failing.

He glared. "Look, I got a point, guys. Why send a Scout here for two whole weeks? We can't have that many questions this close to choosing time. And when're we having such visits from the other regiments?"

"I don't exactly have the scoop on the inner-workings of the other regiments, sorry. I know plenty about the Scouts, but bugger all about the others, except what I've experienced." I sipped my tea. "Jean, I'm here for some information for you guys, and to rest up. I said as much earlier."

"Rest up?" He snorted. "Why such a long break for you as opposed to any other Scout? You seem to be walking around fine for me."

A suspicious nature was good, but his attitude needed a serious recalibration.

"Partially for my own recovery, and partially to keep me away from the person who caused the need for a recovery, I think."

"You think?" He laughed. "So you don't even know why you've been sent here?"

I rolled my eyes. "What's the big issue here, Jean?"

"Issue? I have no–"

"You're snarling and yipping like a little dog with something big to prove." I kept my voice even. The boy shrunk back. "Is it that a little lady is the source of your information, that a lady might be able to outperform you? Or that you've been unsure on what to pick and now you don't like that you're leaning towards what the uhm… what did you call him… 'suicidal maniac', has been saying for three years? Hmm? I get the frustration, but seriously kid, find another outlet."

The whole room had gone quiet.

The cook stepped away, hand over mouth as he fought back laughter. He knew what I was like, but the kids had gotten a rather quick lesson in Robyn's inability to take too much pointless sassing before she nips it in the butt. Or bud, rather.

Armin cleared his throat. "Plus Jean, we already had this explained by the Commandant."

"I just wanted to hear it from her, supposedly she's an open book to us, but not on this subject?"

"I'm here to talk about the Scouts, not myself."

"But you are a Scout, and if they're randomly flinging soldiers around the country for no good reason, seems like a pretty weird way to run an outfit. Makes me question the Commander's–"

"Commander Erwin Smith is doing me a favour, will that suffice?" I leaned back. I could explain it, but I hardly wanted one of the first things for these kids to have stuck in their brain, was a Scout hurting another Scout. The regiment was built on trust, and Sente had violated that. But I didn't want that to taint how these kids saw the rest of us.

Jean huffed. "Mm, whatever."

I swallowed hard. "I'll likely be able to partake in training in a few days, I have a couple of bruises that I'd prefer were gone before you lot give me new ones."

His eyes darted over me.

"Ribs. Small of back. Right thigh and left collarbone." I listed off and he blushed, staring at his stew. "Like I said, I'm here to talk about the Scouts guys, not me. Happy to get to know you, but go ahead and remember why it's called 'personal information'." I snorted. "Curiosity is good, just don't go yipping and nipping at my heels?"

He blushed and nodded, the others chuckled and carried on with their meals. I had the vague hope I hadn't destroyed any rapport I had already built. No doubt Jean had lashed out at a few of the others in a similar manner over the years – he seemed the type with something to prove. All I could hope was that he also had the skill to back that up with a follow-through.

Over the course of my first week, I got back to full health and was able to take part in a few exercises. First, gear training. In all honesty I had been thrilled that would be my first opportunity to take part as frankly, this was where I wiped the floor with the kids. Many of them had good skills, no doubt, but they didn't have the experience. I zipped around, dodged them, overtook them, I showed off a bit, I can't lie. But it did at least show what joining the Scouts gave you, along with all the risks, the chance to seriously grow as a soldier.

When it wasn't gear training, I helped with some gear maintenance too. It had never been my favourite area of training, and usually the area that Shadis made me repeat most often. He took real pleasure in informing the kids of that little nugget of information. They chuckled and as much as my pride was bruised, I understood what Shadis was doing; humanising me. Showing the kids that as much as I was a fully-fledged Scout now, I was still just a person, someone who had trained like they had. Under that big bald head full of rank and rules, it seemed he actually had a knack for this rearing of younger minds thing.

As we headed into the second week, I was sat outside the mess hall enjoying my mug of tea after dinner, when a set of boots scuffed the boards next to me. Eren. He had the most endless list of questions I'd ever known, but thankfully so far I had known most of the answers. But perhaps he still had more.

I glanced at him, and then straightened up as I found his usual determination replaced by a strange wariness. Like he was afraid of something, or at least, unsure. And uncertainty did not suit the likes of Eren Jaeger. Come to think of it, I still hadn't figured out why I knew that name from somewhere. I should just ask the kid really. But first, I had to find out what was troubling him so much.

"You gonna spit it out kid or we gotta dance around the point a bit first?" I smiled when he looked up, a little startled. So far he had been one of the easiest to get along with. Be that because he was already set on being a Scout, or because he was less suspicious of me than his counterparts, I have no idea. But Eren was easy for me to get along with, a simple guy but a decent one too.

"I wanted to ask uh… About the day Shiganshina fell."

"Ah." I leaned back against the railing. "You were there right? In the thick of it?"

He nodded. "Yeah, me and Mikasa's house got crushed during the initial attack."

"I'm so sorry, kid. That's fucking awful."

He swallowed hard and frowned. The determination, the fire, it dulled in that moment and left a kid in its wake, shivering from the cold. "My Mom… She… She didn't get out. We couldn't get her to safety a-and she got eaten by a Titan. Right… Right in front of us. It's… It's why I wanna be a Scout. I mean, I always did , but now it's personal."

I blinked. "Personal?"

The determination returned in a fiery flash. "Damn right."

Oh, wow. I knew many Scouts had their issues with the enemy, and of course we all hated them for what they had done. But at the end of the day, they were still mindless meat sacks of endless hunger. They had never shown much intelligence, just an endless hunger despite the fact they didn't even need us to sustain themselves. The logic wasn't there, but then again, it didn't have to be. A landslide didn't pick its victims, it didn't have a vendetta against one family over another. And the Titans were similar, they were a force of nature as far as we knew. Their origin was as much a mystery as their want to wipe us out. But Eren was talking like that Titan had planned to kill his mother, like it had chosen his mother above all others. The personal drive was impressive, of course, but the way he said it set my teeth on edge. Passion was one thing, obsession, was something else entirely.

"Eren you–"

"How close were you?"

At first the question confused me; was he trying to judge me for not being close enough? Or somehow gauge how much right I had to talk about the day itself? It didn't sound right for him.

"At the foot of the mountain, I could see the gate into the town as it smashed open with that big… Armoured thing having burst through. Why?"

"I just… You saw that Armoured Titan and decided you had to fight? That it was the only way for you to live, right?"

I wouldn't have put it that way, but all right. When his gaze flickered to me again, demanding a response my tongue felt made of lead. He wanted some version of me that wasn't there. A Firebranded maniac hell bent on destroying the Titans. Sure, I wanted them gone, sure I wanted the land back for humanity. But I wouldn't stake my entire being, soul and mind on it. It seemed like Eren would. It seemed like Eren had.

He stepped closer. "Right?"

"I decided I had to learn how to be able to protect myself and those that couldn't do it for themselves."

Going along with what he was saying could have worked, no doubt it may well have done the trick and got the kid to head inside. But something stopped me. Whether it was a sudden need for total honesty, or just the fact that the kid looked fit to burst into tears either way, so pent up in his emotions that anything would release the rage within.

He blinked. "But that's just it, you knew you needed to fight in order to keep going, to find the way to live."

"Sure, but I don't consider the only way to live being to fight. Knowing how to, sure, but knowing when not to is also pretty damn important." I sighed as he recoiled, looking a little disgusted. "Look, a soldier's job is to follow orders. Sometimes that is to advance, to get into enemy territory and take the bastards down, but other times it's to retreat."

He frowned. "Why? We can't run away from those things, they'll just keep coming."

"Which is why we, and our leaders, have to be careful. We have to be clever. What we lack in strength against the Titans, we make up for in our ability to think and rationalise."

It wasn't what he had wanted to hear. In all honesty, I think I disappointed the kid to a whole new level, but then again I guess that was the role of adults sometimes. I put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed, but he was trembling, teeth gritted and eyes shining.

"I just…" He sucked in a breath. "None of them seem to get it. Mikasa and Armin try to, they do, they were there and saw what I did but… I dunno, I'd hoped a Scout, especially one who saw Shiganshina fall might get it."

Get it. Like this want of destruction was somehow novel and new.

I squeezed his shoulder again. "I understand rage well enough Eren, believe me. I know the kind of rage that fills you up like water in a cup, and eventually it starts to spill over, leaking over everything, making it hard to not slip."

Hope entered his gaze, and for some reason, likely the context, that was incredibly sad.

I let go of him. "But it doesn't do any good in the end. It just consumes you and leaves you… Well… it leaves you pretty hollow afterwards."

"The hell does it matter what it feels like afterwards? If I reach the afterwards? That means the Titans are gone, the world is free, that–"

"And if you never do reach the afterwards?" I stepped towards him and he retreated. "Kid, living your life consumed by that kind of hate is going to lead you to nothing but pain. You don't deserve that. Try to live a little as well as fight."

"But–"

"You do not need to fight, in order to live, constantly. Occasionally yeah, that totally applies and you best give it your all to get home again. But not always." I sighed and scraped my hair back. "You have more worth than the rage, Eren. That much is shown in how much people rally around you. Know your worth, that might start to help."

"You sound like my Mom."

"Then I'll go ahead and say she was a damn clever lady." I laughed lightly and nudged his arm. "Seriously Eren, you're a good kid, I don't want to see you turn into a husk of that. Fight the Titans, sure. But also remember to be human at the same time, or at least, when you're not on the battlefield itself."

He frowned, he pursed his lips, and I kind of expected an explosion to follow suit. But it didn't. He was so quiet and still, mind ticking over, until finally those green orbs landed on me again and he almost smiled.

"Thanks for not calling it stupid."

"Hmm?" I tilted my head. "What? A want to remove all Titans from this world? Why the hell would I call that stupid?"

"Plenty others do."

"Then they need to stop being so darn bound by this box of an existence." I winked and then realised that whilst I knew what had happened to his mother, I had no idea what had become of Eren's father. It wasn't that I needed to know or anything, but I was curious what, if any, home life he still had. "Say Eren… If I can ask, what's the situation with your Dad?"

"Wish I knew." He shrugged and scuffed the boards again. "He took off sometime after the fall of Maria and I haven't seen him since. Been asked plenty, folks are keen to know where the Doctor that cured Shiganshina's plague went. In case there's others."

"Doctor Jaeger." I mumbled, the name seeming so much more familiar with that honorific in front of it. Why did I know it? How did I know it? "Eren, did you ever meet a guy called Vincent?"

He blinked. "Uh… What, like an associate of my Dad?"

"Maybe." I frowned and tried to think, but that pain behind my eyes reappeared and stopped me pushing further. Damn memory. Did I know the name or not? "Sorry, probably sounds daft."

"I dunno the name, sorry. But my Dad is pretty secretive about his work, and now his existence." He rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, Dads can be bastards like that. Sorry if it's an old wound."

He shrugged. "You've answered enough of them, you're also allowed to ask questions, Robyn."

I smiled and then nodded towards the mess hall doors. "Wanna go join the other humans now? They'll be wondering where the heck you are."

"Sure. Thanks for uh… Thanks for the lack of bullshit."

I gave a mock salute. "That's what I'm best at!"

My final day with the 104th Cadets. The sun was high and it was time to do some hand-to-hand apparently. It seemed like a few of them still wanted to manage to floor me. A few of them already had during my stay; Mikasa, Annie, that Reiner guy got a lucky shot in, and Eren took advantage of a poorly timed sneeze from me. But this was it, and I'd be leaving first thing in the morning. After this, next time I saw any of them, would likely be when they rolled onto the HQ grounds as Scouts, or at least, as new recruits. As they say, you're not a real Scout until you come back alive.

I leaned against the fencing, waiting for them to figure out who was going first, when Armin came over and perched beside me. It was a voluntary situation today, so the fact he was in his civilian attire was no surprise.

I smiled up at him, squinting in the sunlight. "Gonna be my referee, Armin?"

"I'll keep them honest." He chuckled. "It'll be quite weird not having you around, Robyn. You feel like part of the class."

"Gosh I am ageing well."

He laughed softly. "You know what I mean. Do you think the time here has helped?"

"Helped?" I frowned, peering at him.

He gave a small, almost wary smile. "We didn't exactly get specifics, but we knew it was some kind of altercation between you and another Scout that brought you here. Though don't worry, we all fully understood it was an isolated incident, the Scouts are a pretty tight knit group, right?"

Ice filled my stomach. They had known all along? Well, shit.

"Uh y-yeah, usually we are."

"Nothing you've said has been false, Robyn, we know that."

His blinding sincerity was pretty intense. Armin Artlet would go far in this world, I reckoned. As long as fate let him. It seemed likely that he would follow Eren and Mikasa into the Scouts, I just hoped Commander Smith realised Armin's strategic prowess early enough to avoid him being put too much on the front lines. A good soldier, but more built for thinking than fighting. Not that he didn't have his darker side, I had seen him play his little mind tricks, outsmarting his fellow cadets in small ways to get his way with things. A clever kid, but also cunning.

Had he been a bit brasher, maybe more confident all round and prone to cackling wildly, he would have been very similar to Keza. She had that kind of wisdom. Having been on the sidelines so much of her life, she was good at observing. A little too good. And her mind, as much as her outside was where most people found themselves drawn in – green eyes sparkling, a smile that made the sunshine seem dull, she was a beauty in every respect – it was her brain where she really shone. Give her a situation to deduce, and she had answers, theories and suggestions in a matter of moments. And she never bullshitted when someone needed help. No matter who you were.

I sighed and cracked my neck. "I just wanted to be honest with you guys, but not make you doubt the Scouts. One shithead does not mean the whole regiment is tainted. He's behind bars, and will eventually be trialled for what he did, or rather, what he attempted as well as what he did."

"Ah." Armin blushed. "Considering the marks on your shoulders, we had been wondering if the incident had been um… intimate in nature."

I snorted. "Intimate. Interesting choice of words, but I appreciate the attempt at discretion."

"Sorry, I don't mean to pry. I did genuinely just wonder if your time here had been of some benefit to you as well."

I smiled up at him again. "You're a kind soul, Armin. I sincerely hope the world doesn't ever manage to take that away from you. And as for if it's helped… yeah, I think it has. I feel more grounded, like coming back to the basics of training here has helped me clear the fog. You kids have been a great distraction as well."

"Yeah? Glad we could help. It'll be strange not being around these guys every day… Can't say I'm all that certain where anyone is going to end up, other than maybe Eren, Mikasa and Marco."

"Not even yourself?"

He wrung his hands together. "I want to say the Scouts, but I also doubt my nerve at the time, when it comes to that moment of actually signing my name or holding my ground at a choosing ceremony."

"You'll find out at the time. And I reckon you'll surprise yourself." I let my head hang back. "It's often the quiet ones that prove to be the bravest."

"How do you figure?"

"Because it's your type that have actually noticed way more of this world's bullshit, and yet you're still here, still trying to make it better. That's a lot tougher than being brave and totally ignorant of what you're actually fighting."

"I… I hadn't thought of it like that."

I grinned. "My, my, I managed to out-think the brainbox? If I had a mother to write to, I'd do it immediately."

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