Surprise! Extra upload! I just super like this upcoming scene with the hand-to-hand, and in all honesty, it flows so nicely from what came before... so fuck it, have an early update haha. Enjoy! Next update will be Friday as per usual. ^_^

ROBYN POV

I changed into the appropriate training gear and headed for the ring. Wrapping my hands as I went, I was glad to have them tingling with the tape rather than my imagined returned filth. It was fine. It hadn't been my fault. I knew that. I did. By the time I got there, Petra was already warming up with Oluo and Eld. Watching her spritely movements compared to their more sweeping motions was interesting. We smaller cadets had the advantage of speed and nimbleness, but once those bigger brutes actually landed a hit? Us small-frys were often floored. Balance, that was key to a squad.

In my own team I figured the hardest hitters were myself, Jacob and Nadia. What I lacked in size, I made up for in my actual blade strikes. And then came in Isla and Jon with the quick background work, taking on ankles and vital points to slow the beasts down. Hand-to-hand helped hone these instincts. Though of course, on Captain Levi's squad I had been more of a background helper. The odd kill came my way, but me and Petra had been the take down queens.

"Oh!" Petra beamed when she caught sight of me. "He wasn't kidding then, great!"

I perched on the fence and booped her nose when she jogged over. "Have you ever known the Captain to joke?"

"Just seemed weird that he would bring you in for this. Did something happen?"

"Nope." I lied between my teeth, wearing my sweetest smile. Perhaps predictably, she didn't look convinced. Regardless, she let me away with it and we started to stretch.

"Enough. Let's get started." The Captain said, suddenly appearing from nowhere as usual. He began with a round against Gunter, quickly putting the subordinate in his place. Swapping out for Eld to take on Gunter next, then Oluo against Eld. Petra tried her luck against Oluo and Eld alike. Then it was my turn against Gunter.

So far the losses to wins were fairly even. But as I took up a defensive stance, I felt the Captain's eyes linger on me as I circled with Gunter. What was the Captain's problem? I caught gazes with him. He glared. Either furious, or trying to figure something out. Maybe something was off with my technique? Regardless, it wasn't a good idea to allow myself to be so thoroughly distracted when dealing with the mountainous likes of Gunter. He charged. I ducked. He caught a strike to my shoulder, I jabbed him in the kidneys and swiped at his legs. He took the hit and shoved me back, jabbing for my ribs as I was on the backfoot. I swerved, caught his arm, used his momentum and flung him to the muck. Out.

I looked back over my shoulder to the Captain, but the glare persisted. What the hell did he want from me?

"My turn!" Petra called, stepping into the ring.

All right.

I grinned and we began the dance. It was always harder to get a read on Petra for me, she was more subtle than the guys, harder to bait as well. All you had to do with Oluo was a small feint and he would pounce on it every single time. But for every feint I used on Petra, she used another back. Eventually we came to proper blows, but as usual it ended in us locked, neither able to move much beyond the odd wriggle or squirm.

"Enough." The Captain clapped his hands. "Sanshi, take a breather. Ral, we're going to work on your kicks."

I perched on the fence and accepted water from Eld, his grin broad. He loved these days, the simplicity of just working together, trying to improve and learn. Oluo stroked his chin, peering at the ongoing lesson like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. Be it the study of Petra's butt or the Captain's, something had him transfixed. That or he was still trying to refine his Levi impersonation.

My breather was short-lived. It was time for me to enter the ring with the Captain. Oh goody. He stood like a statue, watching me, waiting for me to make the first move. I did. I failed. The mud soaked into my training shirt, and I scrambled to my feet. Again. Again I hit the deck. Next time it was the fence. The others were told to go train together until they felt they'd done enough, then they could head for the showers and be done for the day. No such luck for me.

It seemed we were in for the long haul.

It had been hours.

Or days?

I had no idea.

But still he wouldn't let up. The sky was darkening, Oluo and Gunter had headed inside and Eld excused himself next. Petra was told to head inside as she passed me a water skin, and I looked at her imploringly.

"Kill me?"

She leaned in close. "No chance. But clearly he is trying to make a point, Robyn."

"Huh?"

She shrugged. "I dunno what it is… But it might help to find it."

"Help?" I panted, tasting iron on my tongue. "This is bullshit. He's just punishing me for something… Did I not shine my boots properly?"

She flicked my forehead. "You know that isn't it."

"Enlighten me." I grumbled.

"We've all seen the way you flinch whenever that mission is brought up." She frowned, and like a puppet, I did exactly as she said. Flinched. Dammit. "If we can see it, so can he. Hesitation gets you nowhere but a damn body bag Robyn, maybe that's somewhere near the mark." She prodded between my brows and backed up.

Was that a pep talk or a telling off?

I clung to the fence, body burning, muscles aching, knuckles pinching. What more did he want from me? I agreed to the damn leave at the training camp, I played along with the 'give Robyn her own team' schtick. What else? Did I have to pretend like I was happy I nearly got Humanity's Strongest killed? White lies, sure. But I can't blatantly lie like that. Not in my nature. Or rather, I refused to let it be so, despite my Sanshi blood.

The Captain rolled his neck. "C'mon Sanshi, back into your stance."

I swallowed and did as told, raising my hands and readying myself. "Is there a point to this, sir?" I didn't agree, or hoped for it to be wrong maybe, with Petra's theory. But I could still seek out the reason behind this onslaught. Or maybe distract him long enough so I could run the fuck away?

He circled. "We're training. I thought that was obvious."

"Seems like you're putting a bit more focus on me than your own team though, sir. I appreciate the help but it would be better if I knew what it was f–"

"There's that overthinking again."

Oh come the fuck on.

I straightened from my stance. "Bullshit."

"Excuse me, Cadet?"

"This is weird and you kno–" I dodged and skidded, rolling back from his kicks and swipes, blocking the last jab and getting a quick rib strike in while I could. "Sir! Bloody hell!"

"You're a soldier in need of training, I'm a Captain able to give that training. Nothing more, nothing less." He panted lightly, barely winded by my strike. "Satisfied?"

"Nope. Not one fucking bit." I gritted between my teeth, glaring as I took up a proper stance and made my own advancement. "My hand-to-hand is a strength of mine, this is needless and endless. The fuck are we doing out here?"

"Ah, so there's the anger." He smirked, jabbing, ducking, diving, swiping my legs out from under me and sending me into the dirt. "You've been holding back all afternoon, don't think I've not noticed. And I want to know why."

His eyes narrowed, his focus as sharp as ever despite how long we had been working. Did he ever tire out? Was he even human? No. I guess not. Not when he had to be something else. Maybe that was why he was so effective where I was so useless. Stepping beyond his humanity, he got shit done. And I floundered. Maybe. Or he was just unstoppable and I was a mere mortal.

"Holding back?" I scoffed, staying down. "I've been giving it my best. Sorry if that's simply not up to your new standards, sir."

He rolled his eyes. "This isn't your best."

"Agree to disagree, then!"

He offered a hand and I took it, him lifting me like I was a sack of flour from the cupboard.

But he didn't let go. Instead, he glared again, peering close. "I know it isn't your best, I've seen your best. And this is far from it"

Shit, he was so close. Had his eyes always had that bit of blue in them?

I looked down at our hands. "Uh–"

He dropped the hold like it had burned him. What the hell was going on in his head? My best? What the hell did that even mean? Why was pushing for this so hard? Something was going unsaid, yet again.

"Care to share when that 'best' was, then?" I took a long breath, trying to keep my cool as impatience brewed. Being played with was not on my to-do list today. "When was this oh-so-impressive 'best' you're trying to root out again?"

He smirked and readied another stance. No talking for now? Fine.

We danced a few more rounds. I got a couple of hits in, but let's face it, I might as well have been giving Maria, Rose and Sina a slap on their stony arses. He barely moved. Barely reacted. I might as well have been tickling him with a damn feather. Unless that would have worked better of course. It might have. No telling, really. He might be seriously ticklish.

Shit, focus!

I slammed into the fencing and clung to the wood as it splintered beneath my impact.

My temper flared again and as I heard him approach I spun with a fresh kick. Go on, do it, grab my leg. He did. I twisted and elbowed his jaw. Crack. Finally, a proper hit. He stumbled slightly, looking dazed for a split second, his eyes flashing with something. Anger? Exhilaration?

I grinned. "That more like it?"

"In a manner of speaking." He wiped his lip, but there hadn't actually been any blood. "Now, stop wasting my time and fight me."

"I have been, you ass." I growled, rolling my shoulder as it ached. "You're asking for dirty tactics, you're acting like you want me as fucking unhinged as I was in the mess-hall that morning. Is that it?"

"Why not?" He shrugged. "You could barely be contained by Eld and Mike combined. To get to that promise, you held nothing back."

"I also killed a man." I clicked my tongue, the strings tugging at my wrists and ankles alike. Dance little girl. Dance for my whims. I thought the Captain was better than that. Or was it less that he intended to play with me, maybe it went deeper.

I dodged his swipe. I caught the curve of his attack and struck hard between the legs. Bang. He gagged. Downed. As infamous as he was, he was still just a man. I'd never understood the term 'grow a pair' when referring to toughening up, those dangling beads were fucking delicate as hell. And easy to strike. If that was the kind of fight you were having, that is – and from his behaviour, he seemed to want nasty tactics. So there you go sir. Ta dah.

My throat burned as I panted and spat to the side, my body screaming at me to stop. My limit was long gone. My head was fuzzy with the need for rest. But I wanted to know what the hell this had been about. Finding me in a damn cupboard might have been odd, sure. He may have concerns about my mental state, fine. But that didn't justify this kind of bullshit.

I stalked over and loomed as he straightened. Good recovery time, but then again, that was hardly surprising. His eyes met mine and shone with something I didn't understand. Fear? No. Awe? Of course not. I had no idea what the hell it was, but I didn't like it. Mainly because I didn't understand it.

I clenched my hands. "You want me to rage out at you? Is that it?"

"Without that promise, what's driving you, Sanshi?"

My mouth closed. What? Where did that… I stepped back and glanced down at my hands. The sweat glistened in the dying light of the day, and my knuckles ached from the repeated strain. But they seemed clean for now. The promise was kept. Done. Finished. Behind me. No need to think of it again, right?

I shook my head. "I'm a Scout."

"So?"

"My duty drives me."

I swallowed after the words left me, trembling as I felt how little that filled me with the same fire as my promise had. Sh-Shit. Had he really figured that out? The promise had kept me going. It had stopped me giving into cold winters on the streets, had stopped me succumbing to fatigue in the middle of training, had pushed me past my fears when finally faced with that monster again after so many years. It pushed me. But now… Now it was finished. It had the line drawn under it, a full stop at the end, a tick hanging over it. So... Now what?

"Knew it." He sighed, getting up and flexing his hands as he readied yet another stance. "Everyone has something driving them, but few accomplish it before dying. Now that you have… Now what?"

I grimaced and readied my stance. He dived, I ducked. I kicked, he swerved. He punched, I blocked and then fell for the feint and caught it along my other side. I rolled and sent him back with another kick and lunge. Buying myself room to breathe, I tried to figure out his words. He 'knew' it. Like he had noticed a dip in something, a lack of energy? A lack of dedication? It made no sense.

"Thought I had done well on the mission?" I questioned, teeth clenched as I felt the Commander's words paling before the truth. "Supposedly my good judgement was being rewarded, and that was why I got my own team? But… But if I'm so lack-lustre now without the promise I made to my mother, which you can oh-so-fucking-wisely see, sir, then why the hell did I get my own squad?"

"You had good judgement, my point is you no longer have something to keep you going."

"Meaning what? Speak plainly." I snarled.

"You're willing to throw your damned life away." He glared, making another attack, but suddenly moving so much faster. Shit, where had this extra energy come from? I wavered and in that hesitation, failed. Slam. Into the fence, then into the muck. Ow.

I gasped and clutched my side. But what hurt more, was I knew he was right. Dammit. Sure, I hadn't been thinking 'hey, great! A chance to die!' but I hadn't exactly been thinking about the other side of things. Just the kill. But no… hang on a second! No! That's not the full picture.

He leaned into view. "You know I'm right, Brat."

I swung a leg and he landed in the mud beside me. Partly luck? Partly his own tiredness? Whatever, I downed the bastard.

I panted. "Wrong."

"Fucking brat…" He groaned, but made no move to get up, he really must have been tired, it was filthy down here. We lay there, panting in our shared exhaustion as the sky continued to dim to a purple from bright pink. "So spit it out, what's so wrong about my theory on your shitty outlook?"

"I clung onto my swords."

"What?"

I peered and he glared at me.

I smirked. "In the Titans mouth, I could have simply let go and died, right? But no. Being my usual stubborn asshole self, I was like a damn leech onto those swords. Hardly sounds like someone willing to be killed on a whim."

"Not the same thing."

"No? Go on, wriggle out of it." I scoffed, sitting up, leaning on my raised knee.

"Letting yourself die, sure, you haven't done that. But you're way more reckless now."

"Reckless?" I turned and pointed at him, lowering the finger for a moment. "Permission to speak freely?"

"I'm laying in the mud for this fucking conversation." He closed his eyes. "Get on with it."

I pointed again. "Says the man who chased after the person swallowed? What was that if not 'reckless'?"

"It hadn't swallowed."

"Uhuh, and you just magically took note of that? In the heat of battle, with everything else happening?" I got up. "You've acted strangely towards me ever since that mission, sir. Just bloody admit it and get it over with."

"Admit what?" He snapped, also getting up, flicking as much mud as he could from his body, and failing to do more than spread it around the place.

I rolled my eyes and walked away. Protocol be damned. I knew when someone reeked of regret. Even if he didn't say it out loud, that was what this was, wasn't it? I jumped the fence and made for the main building. Probably his pride stopped him saying it out loud, or some deep-seated issue with being open with women? I have no idea. His psyche was as unknown to me as my own.

"Admit what?" He called, close behind. "Sanshi, stop."

I did, and he only just managed to avoid bumping into me.

"What exactly do you think I need to admit to?" He stalked in front of me, looking genuinely angry about my words.

"You regret taking that risk. You regret getting me out of the mouth."

His eyes blazed. "Don't assume what I regret, brat."

"Actions speaking pretty loudly, sir."

He gripped the front of my training shirt and hauled me close enough that our noses touched. "Wrong."

"Oh?" I tried to break free. "Then why have you been so damned weird since we got back?"

"Did you hear a damn word I said about this fucking promise? It was only on the mission I realised the full extent of it." He let go. "Damned idiot, you are impossible."

"Duh!" I threw my hands up. "You said so yourself about my records, you've been snooping enough to know that this is well established. I'm a pain in the arse!"

He glared and shook his head. "Just find something new to aim for, Sanshi. Something to drag your skinny ass home."

"Why?"

He had turned away, but his head snapped back round. "What?"

"Why?" I repeated, stepping forward and jabbing him. "Why the hell does this even matter so much? So what if it was another duty? So what if it was just me aiming for a damned pay-check? And why push so hard for it? If that is the point of this bullshit afternoon."

He sighed. "You make no damned sense, Sanshi."

"Again, duh."

He pushed my finger away. "I prefer to have a good read on the people I serve with, and I cannot fathom why you wouldn't give it your all, not when I've seen how far that can take you."

How far it can take me. The rage, the blind beserk manic episodes.

I blinked and leaned back. "What? So you do want me to act like in the mess hall?"

"Why not?" He quirked a brow.

I looked him up and down. Drenched in sweat, smeared in mud and bruising blossoming along his knuckles. It was a weird version of the Captain, but it was definitely still him. Not an imposter. Not some cheap imitation. So what had gotten into him? Why aim for my mania? Unless it was a means to get rid of me. The penny hit the bottom of the well. Ah. Of course. Have me rage out, throw myself into that darkness and he'd finally be rid of a liability.

I cleared my throat. "I'm not about to hand you grounds for my dismissal on a silver platter, sir. Sorry. You'll have to be more creative than that."

"Excuse me?"

I backed away, intending to just leave this ridiculousness, but he grabbed my wrist.

He snarled. "Explain yourself, Sanshi."

"You want me to rage out, so you can dismiss me. Have me removed for concerns over my conduct. Then boom, no reason to fret over fragile little Robyn anymore. Right? Is that it? You saw me indulge in a little weakness today and that was the final straw?"

He looked genuinely affronted. "The last thing you are is fragile."

"Then why're you so determined about this?"

"Why is it that I have to have some deep seated reason?"

"Because I'm just a fucking cadet, sir. Sorry to point it out, but there's quite a few of us."

He bared his teeth. "So I can't give a damn?"

"No, but why give such a damn about this?"

"Because I've left enough good people out there!" He yelled, grip tightening for a mere instant before it loosened and he let go as if burned, just like before. If his jaw was any tighter set, I'd have been expecting to hear the crack of breaking teeth any second.

Good people.

He considered me, good people?

The sting of rejection from a respected superior dulled. He didn't want rid of me. For some deranged reason, he was actually worried about losing me? Shit. Okay. Well, that hadn't occurred to me at all. Not all that surprising I guess considering my confidence issues but still.

"Sir, I–"

"Wake up, and realise your worth." He muttered, moving off and not looking back as he stormed inside and disappeared from view.

Know your worth. I'd said the same thing to Eren, hadn't I?

A strange sensation built in my chest. Relief? Gratefulness? Triumph? I don't know, but it was sweet and sticky like honey, making a small smile appear before I could even understand why. Then again, it was nice to know someone didn't want me dead.

Then came a slightly hysterical giggle.

Oh dear… I really am tired…

LEVI POV

Water cascaded down Levi's back as he braced against the tiles. He swallowed hard, but the words remained out there, in the open. Such a fool. He had said too much. Being so open like that, what was he thinking? She would think he was insane. As a Captain he had to be dependable, strong, reliable. Not driven by emotion, spouting affectionate crap when he was meant to be training. But as he saw her retreat from her team, hiding in that cupboard, the theory that had been bubbling in his mind since the mission solidified. Why had she been so quick both times to put herself forward for dealing with Sente's issue? She could have called out for Eld or Gunter for aid. But she didn't. It wasn't that she hadn't trusted them to deal with it either.

No, Levi knew why. She had said it herself, during her hysteria in the shower, in the wake of realising she had finally made good on that promise.

"Then hang me." She giggled, voice choked with tears. "Throw me over Wall Rose and feed me to a damn Titan."

It sickened him to hear her so blase about her own death. Like her life no longer mattered. Levi wanted to shake her till she saw sense.

He grit his teeth. "Don't give me that shit."

"Why not?" She snorted, breathing quicker, panicked. "I did it. I fucking kept my promise."

Like that justified anything else. As if nothing else mattered?

He couldn't stand it.

"And if you're executed because of it?" He demanded, trying to get a rise from her. "You really don't care?"

"Why the fuck should I? Who the hell would mourn a useless rat?"

He put his head against the tiling. Fragile. Useless. She cast those words at herself so carelessly, like they really applied, like they were so obviously true. He hadn't meant to say it aloud, but he really did want her to see her own worth. If not for the strange, ridiculous, illogical feelings that kept rising up his throat every time he saw her, then for the fact she had so much left to give. Not to him, but the world, the regiment, everything.

But that was it. And when he saw her retreat from her team, and hide in that cupboard like a child seeking shelter from a drunken parent's warpath, he felt the last thread slip from his fingers. What if the next time she was reckless, he wasn't nearby to help? Sure, it was frustrating to have so far only been able to clean up the mess afterwards, rather than prevent it. But what if there wasn't even anything to clean up? Except maybe a full stop he could never scrub out. Another one. She shouldn't have gone in after Sente fucked up, and she got through into a window and nearly cut to ribbons. She shouldn't have gone in after Sente ignored orders, and got taken by surprise by that other hidden Titan, nearly being consumed in one gulp. She shouldn't have done anything but pull Hane free of Sente's slippery grip and ran with the girl. But no. She stood and fought, she got involved, she threw herself in the way so that others might get out. Like Sanshi's life was worth less.

He gritted his teeth.

Ral's words rung in his ears: You're going to bloody regret it if you never say a damn thing about it… You know how easily we can lose people out there. I don't want to see you caught up in the regret of never having said a thing before her lucky breaks finally run out.

Like Robyn's life was worth less.

Her name, not that beastly convict's, the one she lay on the stones like he was nothing. Robyn. Why had she affected Levi so much? Ever since he saw her hair caught in the wind like a flame, he hadn't really been able to look away, had he? He swallowed. Idiot. Fool. Damned moron. She was beautiful, sure. Her laugh was infectious, and even pulled a smirk to his cold lips. She burned with a fire that warmed everyone around her, that inspired them as much as it daunted them. She was ridiculous. She was astonishing.

When it came down to it, he didn't know how far he had sunk.

Was it just some foolish whim he needed to work through? Some pent up tension that needed release in a frenzied rush of clasping hands, panted breaths, cold walls pressed against and buckles hitting the floor? He shuddered. Her lips against his, gasping his name. Her teeth catching against his tongue, his skin, her fingers in his hair, pulling him closer, tugging him down against her. Bright hazel eyes clouded as he pressed her into a mattress, or sparking with ecstasy as she writhed on top of him. He bit into his knuckle. Was it just that? Sure that was part of it. She was alluring. Anyone thus inclined would have thought so. But no. It wasn't just wanting her. He had to at least admit it to himself. His cowardly, self-denying, loathsome self who hadn't admitted a feeling beyond 'tolerance' since admitting to friendship with the likes of Hanji, Mike or Erwin. No, with Robyn it went beyond wanting. He didn't know how far. But it wasn't just the want to explore every inch of her body, no. How did those hazel eyes look first thing in the morning? Still lying against a pillow, red hair mussed by sleep. How did it feel to be the reason she laughed with joy? Or to make that smile bloom?

He thunked his head off the tiles. "You're such an idiot."

But even more idiotic was ignoring it any longer. He knew why he had chased after that Titan that took hold of her in one bite. He had panicked. The old surge of power and rage filled his body for the first time in so many years. He had to move. He had to save her. Orders barked from his mouth and his body surged forward.

Get her out. Save her. Bring her back. Not yet. Not yet, dammit.

It ran round his mind like an unbroken horse, faster and faster, determined to break free. Shit.

"Stop it."

He turned the water icy and scrubbed at his skin until it turned pink. This was foolish thinking, and nothing more. Fine. He cared for Ro–Sanshi. He swallowed hard. Sanshi. Keep the lines in place. Captain. Cadet. That was all. Yes, he cared for her, far more than he had any right to, but that didn't mean anything. It would pass. Just because Ral had spotted it, didn't make it more important. It was just a stupid distraction.

The water stopped and he watched the drain swirl to stillness.

Sanshi didn't need anyone to save her, all she needed was a decent Captain to occasionally remind her of the right direction. Same as he sometimes needed a capable soldier to remind him how the world worked. She looked at him like he was mad, and clearly he was.

He dried himself and wrapped the towel round his waist. It wasn't his duty to muddy things like that, it was his duty to eradicate the Titans. To make the world freer than he found it. Otherwise why had he survived when they hadn't?

Farlan would have rolled his eyes.

Isabel would have pouted and punched Levi's arm.

But that didn't help the never-ending sting of guilt.

He was still there, while they were dead.

He smoothed back his hair and drew a deep breath. The foolishness with Sanshi would pass. And giving in wouldn't make any sense. It would only lead to regrets.

And there we have it, wee bit extra for you ^-^ cya friday folks!