Oook I figured I could give you guys a cheeky extra update, been feeling good about things recently ^-^
LEVI POV
It came as little surprise that not only had Sanshi's squad made it to the base unscathed, but also with a kill to their name. Well led, well trained, they made a good team. But it did come as a surprise to find her looking so openly tired. It must have been a real strain. That made sense, a mission felt entirely different when you had a team serving beneath you. Every interpretation of a signal could mean life or death, and for more than yourself. It would get easier. He hoped she got the chance to realise that, perhaps to even enjoy it.
As the meeting came to an end, Hanji looped an arm around Sanshi and led her towards the food tent. Good. She was being looked after, someone was ensuring she rested. He headed to his own squad to ensure they were all settled and had checked their gear – the journey had been quieter without Sanshi, but less of a headache without Sente. His team was solid. They were ready for their own patrol, and their gear was refreshed. Perfect. Whether the formation would continue tomorrow or not, he was proud of the group he had by his side. Petra handed him some food, and they ate by one of the smaller camp fires as the night grew deep.
Hush took to the camp. The small hours of the morning approached, and only patrols moved, beyond the wooden barricades, their occasional calls of 'clear' calming. But of course, there was always the threat of when 'clear' became 'enemy sighted', and beyond that 'incoming!' But everyone wore their gear at all times, for that very reason. Sleep rarely visited Levi anyway, but even less so when on a mission, so he sipped tea, inspected the walls and double checked supply waggons.
Then, as three in the morning passed by, he spotted Sanshi getting tea. She talked with the supply sergeant, smiling and laughing softly, despite how her hand shook. Levi doubted anyone else would notice it. But he had. Something had her shaken, something kept her up, plagued her mind enough that she sought company rather than linger in the quiet of a tent.
"Here, sir." She held out a streaming cup. "It's a fresh brew."
He blinked and took the tea. "I was just going to come ask how–"
"Walk with me? I could do with some advice if you have the time, sir." She asked casually, sounding perfectly reasonable to anyone nearby. Just a cadet seeking advice from a superior. But her eyes said something else. In the flickering light from the scattered lanterns, her gaze screamed 'help'.
"Of course, I was going to check the back walls if you're all right with a walk?"
"Sounds perfect." She smiled and fell into step with him.
They passed the tents, and heard the patrol trot past with the calls of 'clear' coming steadily. Her stride was slow, mindful of her tea as she periodically blew on it, or breathed in the steam.
"Couldn't sleep?" It wasn't his best opening line, but it would do to break the silence.
She simpered. "Yeah… I got a couple of hours, but the dreams wouldn't shut up so…"
"Dreams?" He guessed she didn't need much of his input, just the knowledge that he was listening, that he wanted to listen. Which he did. He wanted to help, to bring the light back to her eyes – despite how much further than indicated his feelings to be beyond 'fuck buddy', and yet he couldn't have cared less.
"It went so well today." She breathed, and they paused by the back wall. She sucked in another breath. "So what's going to happen tomorrow?"
"Not sure I follow." He sipped his tea, hearing her teeth click together.
"The other shoe has to drop, these… these things don't go well for me, luck… it doesn't stick to me."
He frowned. "Didn't figure you for the superstitious type."
"Tends to catch up with me whether I believe it or not." She sighed, leaning against the wall, looking up at the stars winking down. "You don't get those feelings? That things have gone too well?"
He wanted to brush it off, cast it aside as nonsense and assure her she was just overthinking. He wanted to. But he couldn't. He knew exactly what she meant, that sickly feeling when a premature celebration came, or those last few steps before the walls. Something had to give. The toll wasn't high enough, death wanted more. It was still hungry.
He leaned beside her, gently touching his shoulder to hers for a moment. "I know what you mean, I do. But it really is in your head, as annoying a phrase as that is." He clicked his tongue. "Whether something bad happens or not, it's got fuck all to do with what came before. Act in the moment, and just… try to focus on that. Or else you'll drive yourself mad."
"Mad-der." She smirked and nudged him. "Thanks, I think I needed someone to spell it out for me."
"Happy to help."
"You're a kind man, sir."
"Dunno about that. I just know it's a lot, suddenly having a team to lead…" he sipped his tea. "And to lose."
"I just want to get them home."
He lowered his mug and glanced in her direction. Her eyes were fixed upwards, her lips pressed into a thin line, knuckles white as she gripped her mug tight. Like a worried mother. In the ripples of her tea he saw it, the want to hold tighter, to keep them safe, to bring them home. No matter what.
"Sanshi."
She blinked and looked at him, almost as if she had forgotten he was there. "Sir?"
"What did I say about saving them?"
She closed her eyes. "Sorry. I just–"
"Don't throw your life away for theirs." He didn't intend it to come out quite so harshly, but there it was. He sighed, her eyes flickering down to her mug again. "You're too quick to consider your life beneath theirs."
"I'm their leader, I shou–"
"You expected me to die in your place?"
Her lips closed and she rolled her eyes. "This circle again?"
"I've already admitted I was an idiot for acting the way I did, don't go repeating my mistakes." He snapped, heat rushing to his cheeks before he cleared his throat and looked away from her accusing eyes. "I screwed up, don't do the same."
"I'm just not sure how I'll be able to not try to save them, if the moment arises."
"Neither am I." He stared at the tea.
In truth, he had only taken such a risk with a few other people on a mission before; Robyn, Isabel, Farlan and Hanji once when she got too close to a potential experiment subject. Other people could sort themselves out, they didn't raise that need to save. Not because he didn't trust those four names to be capable of looking after themselves, but because he couldn't stand to think what would happen if they didn't. But Levi couldn't say that. It made it too obvious that his feelings had gotten away from him, without him even realising it. Because in truth, he found it maddening how Robyn acted. Everyone counted for more than herself. Everyone. Even someone like Jack Sente had been worth the trouble, apparently.
"I'll try, sir. Promise." She stepped away from the wall. "Sorry to take up your–"
"You're not." He shook his head. "I just don't want one of those snivelling brats only making it because you threw yourself into their place."
A strange look came over her, like she was trying to decide on something, or she was watching a coin flip in her mind.
She tilted her head. "Know my own worth, sir?"
He swallowed hard. "Yeah, something like that."
She chuckled and nodded. "Guess I'm still learning that one, will keep working on it though."
"See that you do." He stepped away from the wall. "Think you'll manage to get some sleep now?"
"Maybe. I'll give it a shot anyway. Good luck tomorrow, if we're headed back or forwards." She raised her mug and began to back away.
"You too, Sanshi." He raised his own and did his best to not watch her turn and walk away too closely.
He leaned against the wall again and put his head back. At least Farlan wasn't around to laugh at him in person, but no doubt he was rolling around on his ass as a ghost.
"Punch him for me Isabel…"
ROBYN POV
Sleep had never been my friend. But in the camp, with the unknown of tomorrow hanging over me, it was being a proper elusive bastard. I sighed and kept my eyes closed, at least I could rest them. My squad snored, apparently. Jon especially. I smirked and let my mind wander through the camp, noting the details, trying to trick myself into drifting. It had worked before. Keza taught me the trick – she used to try and recall her old house, she'd start at the old red painted door with the paint flaking in the sun, the rusted iron handle that wailed every time it was turned. Then came the small corridor leading to the warped stairs. One of them creaked louder than the others. I much preferred to adopt Keza's recalled home for the attempts to sleep better than my own house. That house held bad memories. Turning any corner might lead to some kind of awful revelation. The corner where I was thrown after my fourth birthday, bursting my lip. The sink by the back door where I dealt with any nosebleeds caused by kicks or slaps that weren't aimed quite right. No. Stop it. The camp was safe, patrolled, warmly lit and filled with my comrades. Safe.
Grass swayed in the chilled evening breeze, and the patrols thundered past every so often. Trees rustled nearby and gear clunked as people moved in their tents, or readied for their own turn to take a turn around the boundary. I imagined my fingertips grazing a tent as I passed, the material weathered and worn, but holding strong. Guess that summed up a lot of us. But as I turned that next corner, I paused. Captain Levi was stood pouring over a document, a formation layout maybe, or plans for the next base? Unclear. But he looked good in the dim light, pale eyes catching the orange glow of the nearby flames. His cravat was pulled a little loose, revealing some of his pale skin, the join to his shoulders almost visible. Maybe he'd want a cup of tea. Maybe he'd be able to help me with these recurring worries.
I opened my eyes and pursed my lips. Why I was revisiting that? I'd found him, we'd talked, he had helped me in his own stunted way. Lines were important to him, rather ironically, considering how blurred he had made other lines. But still. No point re-examining that. He had helped. Because he was kind. A grin pulled to my lips and I closed my eyes again. There were far more fun things to revisit from the recent past, after all.
Would I regret taking that plunge? Probably. Closeness with other people had rarely worked out, certainly not for them anyway. My mind wandered to that small room on the base in Trost. A building full of comrades, and yet, behind that small door, it was like the world had fallen away.
He looked so frustrated. Angry. And I guess in a way, he had been. But not with me, with the world in which he lived, or rather, served. But he had been right. No doubt he was endlessly smug about that, but I couldn't deny it. When we weren't on the field, what was the harm in living a little? In feeling some warmth, some connection to this world that we're giving everything to save.
I sighed and let the memory play out, biting my lip as my skin tingled where his lips had lingered, those dull aches where he had bitten, caressed, pinched and gripped.
Maybe I would regret it.
For now, I could remember it.
My voice whined as I rode him. My nails dug into his chest as I worked myself up and down, seeking that delicious friction. More. Give me more. Don't stop fucking giving me it all.
"Fuck, Robyn. Look at you." He sat up, like he couldn't stand to have any space between us. Good. Neither could I. Closer. Please. He cupped my jaw, strong hands so soft against my skin as he kissed me deeply. More. His kisses travelled down my throat, teeth catching against my skin. Yes. That's it. Everything. Give me everything. Please. He latched onto my chest, sucking and biting like it was the most delicious thing in the world. The sensation drowned me, and yet I just wanted to drink more. The push and pull. Up and down. Deeper and deeper. Stoking the flames higher. Higher.
My body began to tremble. Close. So fucking close. I knew it. Every nerve ending hummed, begged, demanded to tumble over that edge. I clung to him. He held me closer. Breath panted between us. More. All of it; his lips, his tongue, his touch, his grip, the throbbing pulse of his dick. Everything. So deep. I whimpered against his hair, like silk against my cheek.
We sped up.
He moaned and took control. Yes. He turned us and fucked me into the mattress. Perfect. One of my legs over his shoulder and the other knee tight to my chest. Oh god. That angle. Yes! He kissed me and moved in long, deep, languid thrusts. So much power behind every strike. His whole body moved inside me. Giving me everything. Demanding I take it all. More. He stroked my nerves. I cried his name.
"Robyn… Robyn…" He panted against my lips, like a mantra.
Our eyes met in a storm of hazel and grey. He stared like I was some kind of fine art. Foolish man. I blushed. I grinned. I kissed him chastely.
He grit his teeth and put his forehead to mine, half laughing. "Fuck, you're p-perfect."
His eyes fluttered closed; mouth hung open with a breathless groan of my name. So free. Perfect. Fucking perfect. My nerves sang, we tumbled over that edge together, my nails dug into his arms, my lips sought his as his name tumbled from my tongue.
Yes…
I opened my eyes and breathed out slow. Judging from the light bleeding through the tent material above me, it was a few hours later. I must have drifted off as I revisited the tantalising details. Not a bad trick. I'd have to keep it in mind.
Thanks Captain, you've helped in more ways than one tonight.
"Hey Robyn? You awake?" Isla whispered from the next bunk over, and I rolled onto my side, smiling at her in the gloom. She gave a small wave. "Did you get any sleep at all? I heard you come and go a few times. More late-night visits?"
"Fucking… Out here?"
"You never know!"
I snorted."Very sensible idea. Imagine if there was an attack? It would be the epitome of being caught with your trousers down."
"Good point. Still… You get any sleep?"
"Eventually, yeah." I smiled sleepily. "I just needed some air. Sorry if I woke you."
"Nah, all good. I'm a light sleeper anyway. You think we'll be pushing forward?"
"Dunno, depends on the weather. Was clear last time I was outside, but if it's at all iffy, the Commander will likely head home. He knows how badly the plains can turn to soup if the rain is hard enough." I sighed and sat up in my bunk. Did I hope for it either way? Forwards or home? I guess it didn't really matter, I just wanted my team to be okay. And going forward or back held risk. "I'll go see if I can find anything out, okay? You get some more sleep."
"Hey, Robyn?"
"Mm?"
"When we're back in Trost, think I can swing by my parents before heading back to base? It's easier to talk to them with a mission behind me instead of in front."
"I'll ask the Commander or Captain, okay? I don't have a problem with it though."
"Thanks, my Mum'll probably send me back with a bunch of baked goods."
"Then I'll fight really fucking hard for that permission." I chuckled and headed out into the waking camp.
The sky seemed heavy. I bit my lip and made for the central area, hoping I was wrong, but the longer I peered the clearer it was to me that I couldn't see any stars. Shit. Would the heavens open? Would we even make it back before conditions got bad? No point in panicking. Missions had endured this kind of thing before, we were prepared.
"Good morning, Sanshi." The Commander nodded and sipped his tea. "I was about to call a Squad Leader meeting, please head to my tent."
I gave a salute and was about to head away when I paused and spun on my heel. "Sir?"
"Yes, Sanshi?"
"Can I give Isla Benon permission to stay in Trost overnight once we're back within the walls? She wishes to visit her family as we'll be in the area."
A small hesitation came and went in an instant, but within it, I saw the smallest hint of a smirk. But a warm one. Like he was glad of something. "Very well. It is gratifying to know you're so confident in your team"
"Thank you, sir. And I'll let her know, sir." I headed for the tent, hoping I hadn't just jinxed myself.
Dun dun duuuun. Will they make it? Will they make it in one piece? Find out next time! Lol, thanks for reading, faving, following, all that jazz ^-^ cya friday!