Annnnd here we have it! Another update ^-^ sorry for the delay again, totally missed when friday was haha. Hope you enjoy!

How had this all fallen apart so quickly?

We'd been such a good team. The trust had been there. Hadn't it? Maybe. I thought it had. But the second things started to get tricky… It fell apart. Why? What had I done wrong? As soon as my gear hit the ground, after they kicked it off, the two girls fled. Mud kicked up from their scrambled strides, the rain lashed harder against my face. Think. Just think and figure a way out. Steps approached. Dammit. Think. I just needed a plan.

Thunder was almost on top of me. Isla glanced back, still trying to help Nadia, but as she saw the looming monster over my shoulder, she dropped her wounded comrade. Panic. Fear. Hysteria. In those moments, people's true colours are revealed. Dammit. Why? Why couldn't I beat this cruel world?

I turned to the looming Titan. Well… Shit.

Instinct kicked in.

My body moved before my mind had caught up. I grabbed fresh blades from my discarded gear, having no time to put it back on. Then I jumped over the enormous hand clasping at me, and ran up the arm. I slipped and skidded all the way, barely clearing the other hand as it tried to get hold of me. Then I stabbed into its shoulder as it began to run. Where was it going?

Shit. It had spotted Nadia and Isla.

The rain blinded me and the wind howled. The Titan lumbered forward with an eager mumble. I desperately sought traction. The nape was so close. I just had to kill it. I just needed to save them. My team. Or what remained of it. No, fuck off guilt, we could dance when it was over. I refused to accept that I'd already failed. I stabbed my way across the shoulder, feet unable to stay under me for longer than a single stride of the beast, so I pulled myself along on my belly.

The beast stopped.

Nadia screamed.

Shit. I approached the neck.

"Kill it! Please! Kill it! I need to see my mother again! Kill it Robyn! No! Please! K—"

Nadia's guttering chokes told me I was too late. I kept dragging, tears blinding me far worse than the rain. Keep moving you moron. Keep going. The beast moved again, faster, and desperate. It knew how close I was, didn't it? It was determined to make this as painful as possible. It chased down Isla as she wailed and jabbered. No doubt her legs were giving way. Fear could make you as fast as a bullet, but also as weak as wet tissue. I hauled myself up as the neck was in reach. Nearly there. I wedged myself between my blade still embedded in the shoulder and its neck. The beast stopped. Momentum slammed me into its skull. Crack. Another broken rib. I gritted my teeth and started to slice.

"What're you doing? Save me! We trusted you!" Isla shrieked as I hacked at the neck with my remaining blunt blade. Steam smothered me. Burns peeled at my hands. The nape slowly stripped back.

I would make it. I would do this.

"You should've died! Not us! I told you we should've made for the trees! No! No!"

The nape was gone. The beast jolted.

Isla was silent.

As I fell with the beast, I whirled round. Blood dribbled from its jaws. Islas? Or leftovers from Nadia? Still no sound from Isla. My body went cold. Numb. Empty.

The ground rushed up to meet me; I didn't even brace, I just held my blade and let myself be flung forward. They were all dead. My entire team wiped out. Nothing had changed. Nothing had mattered. Still just a useless child, lying in a heap in the mud, instead of at the bottom of the stairs. No matter how hard I clawed for progress, the world laughed. I stared up at the sky as it continued to piss down. Blood collected at the back of my throat, I turned my head and spat it out. Otherwise I didn't move. I couldn't. My mind couldn't wrap around what had happened. Or it didn't want to.

We had done so well. We had built such trust.

You should've died!

Kill it! Please! Kill it! I have to see my mother again!

No! No!

You should've died!

Not us!

You should've died!

The kid was fucking right. As usual the universe was an unfair sack of shit. But then I recalled how close that last fight had been. How recently she had been yelling. Maybe? Could she still be saved? I sat up. A chance was enough. Maybe I could save her. Maybe she was just inside the mouth, like I had been, like when my Captain saved me. I scrambled to the inane face of the Titan, half vaporised, and pried the stinking jaws open. Maybe I could still be worthwhile. Maybe my survival could mean something for once, instead of some sick punchline.

Isla. Hold on.

Someone. Hold on.

P-Please?

LEVI POV

It was hard to believe things had gone south so quickly. Until he recalled that no, that was exactly how they should expect things to unfold. At all times. Levi bent his head against the lashing rain and pushed his horse harder, maintaining pace with the formation was difficult when you had no idea where most of the formation was placed.

In such weather, Erwin's formation was practically useless, so gradually everyone headed towards the centre. If they could deduce where the hell that was. Levi, along with Mike and Hanji rode out to the less experienced squads, to help them find their way to the centre, but some ended up beyond help. Two squads had already been lost from the outer flanks. Safety in numbers counted for something, but sometimes they simply weren't fast enough. It was the kind of weather that turned even the most experienced soldiers into jittery newbies. And as much as it waned Levi's patience, he couldn't get angry with a single soul. He knew how frightening it was. He knew how quickly a Titan could appear in such conditions, and how quickly friends could be lost.

Most teams had been retrieved, but as Levi returned with his latest regroup, he realised Hanji had returned but was missing a team. Sanshi.

Erwin barked out before Levi could. "Where's Sanshi's team, Hanji?"

A clap of thunder rolled overhead.

"They weren't where they should have been, something must've sent them off course! Hopefully just the weather. But there was no sign, and I had to head back as we had injured to deal with."

"No signals?" Levi demanded, and she shook her head.

Part of him wanted to be angry, to demand why Hanji had stuck around longer and sought them out. But it made no sense. If she had injured to bring to safety, there had been bigger things to deal with. Plus, Sanshi could handle herself. The rain would be unnerving to her team, but they had been looking like a tightly knit unit. Unless of course, those kids gave into fear.

A rookie rode closer from the outer ranks of the central column. "Sir! A lot of flares have been spotted in an area to the west, lots of reds and purples. Mainly faded, but lingering."

Purples and reds. Assistance and Titans. Or sheer panic.

Sanshi could be reckless at times, but only with her own life. She wouldn't have taken her team out of formation without reason, or without it being due to the weather. But being out there alone, they could have attracted several Titans at once. Or, god forbid, a swarm.

Levi's stomach lurched. "I'll go check it out."

Erwin nodded. "Take two soldiers with you, if you find no clear sign of survivors, get the hell out of there and aim for the wall. Got it?"

"Eld, Gunter with me!" Levi barked and they veered off towards the lingering flares.

Gunter and Eld rode close behind, both being strong enough to carry a body on the back of their horses if need be. But would there even be bodies to be found? Levi shook his head and pulled his hood closer. There was no reason to assume death. It could be that their horses ran off, that someone was injured, anything. It didn't mean she lay in the muck, staring up at the raining sky like Isabel had. It didn't mean she was cut in half along the middle, her legs left a few dozen metres away from her torso like Farlan. No. It didn't need to mean any of that. And yet…

"Sir! Titan skeletons!"

Out of the mist, vaporising bodies lay ahead, a few hillocks away. The weather must have been calming slightly as sightlines returned to almost useful. Levi gritted his teeth. Downed Titans was a good sign, but the fact they hadn't spotted a fresh flare yet, wasn't.

"We can't stop for corpses. Unless there's survivors, we keep moving."

"Yes, sir!" They chimed, and Levi felt that familiar swell of relief that he had a reliable team.

They knew he wasn't being heartless. If it were up to Levi, every body would be taken home to be properly buried and mourned. But the world didn't always allow for such niceties. Sometimes, the field itself had to be grave enough. If they ever did reclaim Maria, or anything beyond that, how many skeletons would they find bundled and tangled in Scout capes? Too many. Always, too many.

"Had to be a swarm." Eld yelled, confirming the fear that had been gnawing that the base of Levi's gut the longer they rode and the clearer things got. "The flares were over there, sir."

"Think I see fresher steam too!" Gunter called, and they shifted course, heading for the most recent Titan kill.

If it was possible, Sanshi would get the brats home. If anyone could, it was her. She could be terrifying, but that same intensity was what made her brilliant in a tight spot. When others gave way to despair, she had a fresh fire lit under her ass. Survival. That was her base instinct, and he could rely on that. Along with her stubbornness – mules were more compliant. Another roll of thunder. Levi shivered. Of course, sometimes none of that mattered. It didn't matter how good, or stubborn, or instinctual you were. Sometimes life just wanted to smear your blood on the ground. Two sets of staring, glassy eyes, flashed within his mind and he gripped the reins tighter.

The past didn't have to repeat itself, just because it was raining.

Despite it having only been a few minutes, to Levi it seemed as though they had been riding for hours in the mist. At first, the fact it was only downed Titans gave him hope. That perhaps they would find the squad huddled together, Sanshi having kept them tightly knit and out of harm's way. But then they saw a detached pair of legs. Dammit. A hand. Shit. A head. Jon or Jacob? It wasn't clear, but Levi felt that swell of sickening thankfulness that it at least hadn't been her. Such thoughts were wrong. And yet, there they were. At least it wasn't her.

"You better be alright. Dammit… Please…" He cursed himself. It wasn't the time for that. Bargaining only made it hurt harder afterwards.

"Fresh flare!" Eld barked and they altered course.

"We assume they're still riding. Aim ahead of that point." Levi pushed his horse harder. "Keep an eye out. Titans could still be lingering."

"Yes, sir!" They chimed in unison.

The mist was weakening, but the rain seemed to pour harder as the horses struggled through the swamping mud. But as they passed another small hillock, a few horses could be seen. No riders though. Gunter went to collect them. Levi saw no decent trees in the area, no buildings. The team would have been left with only the beasts themselves to use for manoeuvres. Hard for any team, let alone a fresh one.

So far the bones had looked like ten metre or twelve metre Titans. Another arm lay on the ground, another cape discarded in the fray. Like a bloodied breadcrumb trail they followed it, the most recent flare smudged against the sky, but still fairly distinct. A black one. Perhaps they were running out, and simply used anything and everything to call for aid.

Levi rounded the latest Titan corpse, still steaming, goo dripping from its bones. And he had to swerve at the last moment. Sanshi was sat on her knees. She didn't even flinch at the sound of the horse, or the near impact. No response at all. He swallowed hard and slowed, bringing his horse to a halt a metre or so away from her huddled frame. Still she didn't look round. Her body faced away from Levi as he slowly approached. She was upright, covered in mud and blood alike, and her shoulders shifted with effort. It didn't make any sense, but at least she was alive. Levi glanced up, well aware he owed someone upstairs a few favours for that outcome.

He approached. And then he heard her muttering.

"Open your eyes Isla. C'mon, just fucking open your eyes."

Over and over. Pleading with her comrade to stay alive.

Levi approached carefully, not wanting to startle Sanshi. The cracked voice was familiar, the agony. And beyond that, the rage that would simmer underneath. At the world, at the Titans, and worst of all, at herself. Once close enough, he saw past her shoulder and he closed his eyes as the truth became clear. Sanshi had no chance. She pressed onto the chest of her teammate, except that the torso and legs were all that remained. No head, no arms. Nothing above the lower half of the ribcage. Bitten clean away. There were no eyes to open. But on she went, pleading with Isla. Begging. Sanshi's uniform was torn and stained in blood, but how much was her own or not was unclear. With each push of her bloodied and bruised hands, gore sloshed out of the corpse. It was as revolting as it was heart-breaking.

The other two caught up. Levi turned to them, gesturing to the body under Sanshi's care. It could be collected at least. Someone could bury their child. The others would have to remain, the rain was only getting worse, and they still had a risk of a second swarm. Enough death had fed the ground.

They walked to the other side of the corpse, in front of Sanshi, whilst Levi knelt by her side. Her eyes didn't shift. Her hands didn't stop. Her lips didn't silence. Totally unaware of anything else, it was sheer luck that another Titan hadn't come along and finished her off.

Eld shook his head. "Why's her gear over there?"

Levi glanced, noting the gear sunk half into the muck, but the swords still being nearby. Had she fought one manually? If desperate enough, it seemed possible. But had she taken that bad of a fall to lose her gear? Her injuries could be very bad. Adrenaline and grief likely avoided her feeling anything in those moments.

With a slight shake to his hand, Levi reached and gently touched Sanshi's shoulder.

She didn't react. She just kept trying. "Open your eyes Isla. C-C'mon, just fucking open your eyes."

"Sanshi."

"Open your eyes Isla! C'mon! J-Just fucking open your eyes." She gasped, replacing the rain with her tears as she shuddered and pushed harder.

"Sanshi, stop." He squeezed her shoulder.

She jolted. Then she wasn't pushing down on the chest anymore, she was hammering her fists against it. "Open your eyes! Please!"

"Robyn!" He shouted and she froze.

Silence.

Only the rain and her shaky panting interrupted.

He made no more move. The most stable of soldiers could be driven deranged by such a loss, let alone her and he had no way of knowing if she had a weapon to hand or not. It wouldn't be him she was lashing out at, it would be the idea of leaving them. He tried to stay focused. But the memory of that desperate rage was close at hand. The unbridled rage of the loss, the fact he hadn't been there, that he hadn't been fast enough, and because of that they were dead. Gone. Never coming back. No more laughter, no more support, no more dreams. No more smirks in the dim light of a lantern, or foolishly trying to nurse a damn bird back to health. None of it. Just death and the slow decay into the dirt. He had wanted to burn the whole world down, to blame anyone and anything. But then Erwin brought Levi back, he made it clear who was to blame. The Titans. Not him, not Levi. The Titans. But in the present, with the rain chilling his skin, he knew she was beyond that. The way her eyes swam as she stared at the headless corpse made him doubt that kind of talk would work. She wasn't him. She didn't want to burn down the whole world, she likely only wanted to burn down herself.

Gunter and Eld wrapped the corpse in a cape.

Sanshi straightened up, looked at her hands, then slowly turned to Levi. Rushed breaths still rattled from her as she stared, not really seeing anything. Nothing lay in her gaze. No pain, no fear, nothing. Reality wasn't somewhere she wanted to be. Levi hated how familiar the look was. But on her, where usually a mess of emotion and tells lay waiting to be read, it was terrifying. Her flame was guttering beneath the rain.

Her mouth opened and she sucked in a deep breath. "I should've died. Not them."

The other two flinched as the words toppled from her tongue. Levi didn't dare flinch. He held her gaze, not even blinking. It hadn't been a question, she considered it a certainty. So much for making her survival worthwhile. He could not let her drown.

"We need to go, Sanshi." Disputing the words there, with the blood still coating her hands, would do no good. No. She needed time, guidance, and something strong to drink.

"Yes, sir." She stood and began walking towards the walls on the horizon.

Levi sighed and went after her, letting the other two gather the body and get back on their horses. Levi signalled for them to head back, as he caught up with Sanshi and once again took hold of her shoulder. Like a statue; cold and obstinate. Levi had hoped she wouldn't need to become like that yet, not for a little while. Still, at least she had stopped walking.

"Cadet Sanshi, get on my horse."

"Yes, sir."

He almost wished she had argued. That she had thrown a punch, bared her teeth and screamed at him in defiance. That was the Sanshi he knew. But as he climbed onto his horse and tugged her up behind, there was still nothing to be found in her eyes. The fire, drive, all extinguished. He pulled her arms round his waist and held her hands against his stomach with one of his, trying to ensure she didn't fall off from simply letting go. With how catatonic she seemed, it was a risk.

Mumbling continued against his back, but he tried to block it out. An entire team loss. Not even he had endured that yet. She wasn't ripped in half or bleeding out, but he had to wonder how much of her mind would remain. Sanshi had seen shit and dealt with plenty of it too, but this was beyond that. It was beyond anything else.

Loss of comrades wasn't a pit easily crawled out of. He wasn't sure he had ever managed it. Since his first mission, he had trusted Erwin, trusted the Scouts, but had always had that shred of doubt for himself. The only thing that had really changed since that mission was meeting Sanshi. She allowed distraction, hope even. Beyond that, she had no time for nonsense. Least of all his. She saw him for him, not a title, not a kill count. Just a man. A man she could put in his place with a tilt of her head, cock of her hip and raise of her brow. It was alluring. It was refreshing. It was everything.

He held her hands tighter when her mumbling became interrupted by the occasional sob.

Could he help her as she had helped him?

The gate and formation came into view and he squeezed her hands again. He would help her. Dammit, he had to. The woman was ridiculous, insane and sometimes reckless to the point of being deranged; but their late night meeting, and her friendship had lit a fire in him for the first time in too many years. That flame wasn't something he was ready to lose.

No matter how hard the rain fucking poured.

Aaaannnnd there we have it... Yeah... Gotta love a mission that goes off without a hitch... Anyway! Hope you enjoyed, see you next friday! Thanks for reading, bookmarking, giving kudos and commenting when you can guys. Cya!