Hello! Happy Friday! Who wants a chonky chapter? Well you're getting it! Enjoy! ^-^

Another day, another set of training, another lot of preparation. The mission crept closer, and as usual the tensions rose bit by bit. I'd barely seen my Captain during all this, other than when the squad had training, and even then he generally left us to our own devices until we had to do a quick run with him ready to bark fresh orders. But we were a well oiled machine, and we worked together perfectly.

At the end of our latest practise, I landed a second before Eld and he cursed the ground as he kicked a stone. "You're ridiculous!"

"I'm fast, and you're slow." I stuck my tongue out and he rolled his eyes at me. "Oh c'mon it was a second, if that!"

"I know, I know, I'm just a bad loser." He started undoing his straps. "Who's cooking tonight?"

"Jolston Squad, so you know it's gonna be good." I grinned and waggled my brows. It was always a treat when that squad was on cooking duty, some of them had actually been cooks before they signed up. Our convict workers had been left back at the main base – we didn't have the numbers to maintain them here. "Let's hit the showers and get down there."

"Sounds good, see ya there!"

We all split and headed back into the building; the hustle and bustle of the place now making it seem far more familiar. It could have almost been the old base. It had been barely another week here and already it felt like we'd always been there. I guess we really were adaptable.

"Sanshi, got a minute?" My Captain called from along the corridor.

I turned and gave a salute. "Yes, sir!"

He blinked and gestured behind him. "My office."

"Right away, sir!"

I liked to throw in the full-on formality occasionally just to confuse him, and it worked every time. He turned away, utterly baffled. Poor man. I followed and stepped into his office as he held the door open. The door clicked shut, I stayed very still, well aware of how quickly my body now responded to being in the same room as him alone. A dangerous feeling to be so wrapped up in, but one I found myself less and less willing to deny.

"How was training?" He asked, heading to his desk to perch. "Sorry I couldn't attend, but the paperwork is getting ridiculous. The brass are really being assholes about this run."

"Everything was fine, sir."

He frowned. "Something happen? What's with the 'sirs' left right and centre?"

I tilted my head and grinned. "Just fucking with you."

"Brat."

"Sorry, can't help it. Training went well, yeah, I beat Eld by a second on the last run."

"He'll be pissy about that." Levi snorted and looked me over. "You healing all right? Your hands look better."

"Yeah just fine now, even the bruises have faded. You?" I approached, loosening my straps.

"Completely healed."

"I realise it probably wasn't why you asked me in here, but can I be a cheeky wench and request using that private shower of yours?"

"Mm, absolutely. Fancy some company?"

"Sounds great." I grinned, loosening my shirt, stepping right up to him and loosening his cravat. "Why did you ask me in here?"

He started to undo my belts. "Wanted to check-in, see how you were feeling about the mission, didn't fancy having that conversation in front of a bunch of brats."

I reached the last button on his shirt. "Fair enough, c'mon." I led him through, got the water going and finished stripping myself while he did the same. "I'm feeling alright to be honest. But I was wondering something…"

"Mm?" He checked the water then pulled me in there with him as the steam began to rise.

Perfect temperature. I sighed under the warm flow and let my head hang back for a moment, the day slowly rinsing off me, circling the drain. He hummed and he moved the soap across my skin, skimming my shoulders, tracing my collarbones, gliding over my chest, all then followed by a massaging hand. Bliss. I brought my head back up and blinked past the water, finding his gaze fixed on the progress of his hands as they seemed to be acting like I was being moulded from clay.

I returned the favour, taking the soap from him and lathering his skin.

He smirked and met my gaze, leaning in and brushing his nose against mine, his touch grazing my hip bones. "What was your question?"

"Just confused about the contrary reports." I breathed, closing my eyes for a moment as his touch traced the small of my back. He encouraged me to turn, pressing his thumbs into my lower back muscles, easing the tension there. I sighed and rested my head back against his shoulder. "You're good at this."

"Got to look after my Fuck Buddy, don't I?" He murmured, pressing hard, pulling a small groan from me. "Now what reports are you talking about?"

"The ones about where our s-squad is going to be." I swallowed hard, unable to ignore how pleasant it was to feel his lips wandering along my neck, a heat pooling in my core. Fuck, I really had missed him; the conversation, the familiarity. It was easy to fall back into old habits, of going day by day as just a soldier, but this intimacy really did make me feel more human.

"I'd seen the same, but I just assumed it was a ploy of Erwins. We'll find out what it's for when we need to." He kissed along my shoulder. He had so much trust in our commander. Perhaps I should have been working on doing the same. "How's the back feeling?"

"Great, thanks." I leaned against him more, his arms wrapped round my waist instead, thumbs brushing lightly against my ribs, lightly grazing the underside of my chest.

It was a little worrying that he knew nothing more than I did, but then again, I guess I had no real reason to believe Commander Erwin kept Levi in total confidence. Commander Erwin was a strategic genius, no doubt he didn't bother explaining himself fully until after the fact.

He traced the shell of my ear with his nose. "So you're ready to be back out there?"

"Yeah, feeling very in sync with the team."

"But you're still remembering the important part, right?"

I swallowed. "Don't get attached?"

"Mm." He kissed under my jaw. "I know it's a contradiction in terms considering where we are right now, but you know what I mean, don't you?"

I angled my head. "I do. And I appreciate the reminder, I do." I knew it would hurt like hell to lose even one of them, but I also had to accept that the lives of Petra, Eld, Gunter and Oluo were not my responsibility. Help them, sure. Act as a team, of course. But do not throw myself away for their sakes, just as they shouldn't do so for me. Comradery not foolishness. "I'm remembering, Levi, I promise."

"Thanks. I don't want it to seem like I don't trust you but–"

"You don't want me to have to sink again, I get it." I hummed as he held me a little tighter, the contradiction against 'don't get attached' only becoming more evident as we stood there lightly swaying in the hot water. "I don't want to do that either, so I'm doing my best to learn."

"That's all I can ask." He gave another squeeze. "So… Having dealt with one form of tension…"

I grinned and took hold of one of his wrists, slowly easing it dowards, my hand drifting over his, encouraging him between my legs. He kissed along my throat again, lips pressing more insistently. I arched slightly, pressing my ass back against his hardness, well aware that it had been growing since he started to soap me. He groaned softly as I pressed his touch into me, rolling my hips back into him at the same time. Taking over, his touch reached deeper. Yes. Two fingers curled into me as his thumb worked my knot of nerves. My head fell back against his shoulder, breaths panting. Small moans. Quick breaths. Fuck. So good.

"Levi…"

"Yes?" He husked, teeth grazing my shoulder as he ground his hips against me.

I keened as a third finger slipped into me, building that pressure on my nerves so beautifully my knees were trembling. He played me like a fiddle, knowing every note to make me melt. "As amazing as th-this is… oh fuck… I c-can't reach you…" I jolted as he pressed harder and I arched further. "S-So you gotta let me turn around or… Nngh!"

He chuckled. "I'd rather just spin you round and fuck you against the wall, May I?"

"Yes. Fucking do it." I moaned my demand, turning my head to meet his lips with mine, moaning louder as he gave an extra knead to my nerves before removing his touch and allowing me to turn in his arms. He eased me back against the tiling. The chill made me gasp, his kisses moving along my throat.

"I think I quite like you giving me orders." He murmured, hitching my leg up onto his hip, hand skimming along the underside of my thigh to caress me into submission again. I whined. He chuckled darkly, licking into my mouth to turn that whine into a whimper as my body shuddered. "Then again, that's a rather nice sound too."

I could play along.

"Just fuck me already." I groaned, gripping his hair so hard he hissed. "Earn those noises, Brat."

He swallowed hard and eased himself into me. The water hardly helped but he'd worked me into such a frenzy, he was soon flush against me, filling me to the brim. My body thrummed. More.

I laughed in the euphoria and rested my head back against the wall, panting hard as I slowly rolled my hips. My legs were wrapped tight around him. His hip bones dug pleasantly to my thighs. His jaw was tight, his brows raised in the middle. Barely holding on to composure.

I bit my lip. "G-Good boy."

"Fuck." He moaned, eyes flashing open, determined as he pulled me into a fresh kiss. He picked me up, kneaded my ass, pressed me to the wall and slammed his hips into me. Wow. The praise and demeaning words seemingly lit a fresh fire in him. Not that he had likely needed much help. "You're such a fucking brat."

"You… a-asked for it!" I gasped into a giggle as he bit on my shoulder, then he struck even deeper and I just clung to him. "Th-There!"

"There?"

"Right there." I snapped.

"You got it." He gritted his teeth. "But next time you're doing all the work, got it?"

"I'll ride you till fucking dawn if you want." I moaned and raked my nails along his back, making him shudder and growl against my throat as he slammed into me. I grinned. "Do you want that?"

"Fuck."

I bit at his neck. "Answer me, brat."

"Dammit, Robyn. Yes." He growled, speeding up again. "Yes. Yes, I fucking want that."

"Good." I tightened my walls and he sped up, hands gripping my hips so tight I knew there would be bruises, perhaps even small crescents where his nails had begun to dig into my skin. More. Mark me the fuck up. I don't care, at least I asked for those kinds of marks.

He shifted me upwards slightly, that ridiculous strength of his making it seem like I weighed little more than a bag of flour. And then his lips descended on my chest. I could do nothing but grip onto his shoulders as my body sung for him. Pinned, held, I could barely move. But it didn't matter. He drove my nerves wild as he bit, sucked and lathed my skin, worshipping it as his hips snapped against me in an almost desperate fashion.

The water cascaded, the steam billowed, and our breath combined in another frantic kiss as we chased our endings. There. So close. Yes! And then we entered bliss. I toppled over the edge just before him, dragging him over soon afterwards, his hips leaving me at the last second. He lowered me again, easing me onto my feet, gently stroking my core as we came back down to reality. I gasped for breath, head on his shoulder, panting through soft moans as he caressed me back to reality. Fuck. This man. He was too much.

"I missed you." He breathed, kissing under my jaw, his touch stopping right before I think he realised he'd spoken aloud. Then he went a little still.

How much longer were we going to pretend this was as casual as 'fuck buddies'? But considering how he tensed up, I wasn't convinced he was ready for that conversation. So I just threaded my fingers into his hair, kissed him deeply and smiled softly when coming back up for air.

I put my forehead to his. "Mm, likewise."

He swallowed hard, looking a little confused when I opened my eyes, but he soon put the mask back in place. It would be a conversation we had to have eventually, but right now, I didn't feel the space for it. Soon, but not now. Hopefully we got the chance, but I wasn't about to force it. He was a careful man. A meticulous man. Rushing into things, blurting them out, jumping in without a plan, it wasn't how he worked. I could see that. And I could respect it.

He cleared his throat and licked his lips. "We should probably get some dinner, hm?"

"Yeah, I'm starving." I pecked the end of his nose, reaching for the soap. "Another quick wash and then back to the real world?"

"Guess so." He kissed my cheek before we both quickly scrubbed up and got out.

I slipped back into my uniform enough to be presentable for the corridors, changing into fresh civvies once back in my room. I braided my hair and glanced at the red ribbon over the mirror. Perhaps Keza was right about me and Levi. Perhaps we really did need to be honest with each other and ourselves sooner rather than later. I dunno if I could go so far as to say the word 'love' about my feelings, but I knew it was approaching that point. Yes, the sex was great, but it was everything else as well. His company, his insight, his… Just him. I'm an idiot of monumental proportions. It would likely only lead to a fuck ton of pain for one of us later, but regardless, it was done. I was falling for Levi.

Then there was the fact I couldn't have kids. Like Hanji had said, I had to tell him. It wouldn't change much at all, I doubted a family was in Levi's mind either. But it would at least change his worry over needing to uhm… vacate the premises, before he reached his moment. Nothing was going to take if he did that inside of me, I had no oven for the proverbial bun. A small silver lining to Vincent's bullshit. Unless it turned out Levi did want a family… I shook myself free of my thoughts. Stop it. Just cross that bridge when you get to it.

It was busy in the mess hall.

The new recruits were mainly keeping to themselves but the new blood had morale boosted. When we got more than ten people at once, it tended to create a bit of a buzz. I got my food and sat by Hanji, who was bending the ear of the Commander about some kind of serum she was working on. The details skimmed over me though as I just focused on enjoying the tantalising food. I would never know how that squad did it, but they always made monumentally good food.

"How're things with Levi squad?" Hanji rounded on me, eyes flashing behind her glasses, ever eager to pry into the world beyond her lab when she occasionally surfaced.

"Going well, think we're primed and ready for the mission." I smiled and nodded to my Captain as he sat opposite, nodding to the table. "You ready to be back on the field instead of in your lab Hanji?"

"Oh yes, yes. Me and Moblit will be running drills tomorrow to make sure I'm in tip-top shape!" She grinned and I heard a far off groan of impatience from her long-suffering assistant. That man deserved medal upon medal for keeping our Hanji going – be it stopping her being bitten in half by a test subject, or remembering to sleep at least once in a week, he did a lot for her.

Eld sat down with Gunther at the same time, muttering to each other and shaking their heads. We all glanced at them, assuming they'd share the gossip any second, but as their frowns deepened it looked less likely. Had something happened with Eld's fiance?

Stabbing a fork into his meal a little too enthusiastically, Eld rolled his eyes. "Stupid… So damn stupid."

"Care to share with the class?" Hanji cooed, glasses flashing as she pushed them up and leaned so close to me she nearly bumped her nose into my cheek. Eld and Gunter looked to each other and sighed. "C'mon boys, we know something is up."

"Unless it's super personal and not worth dragging into the open." I nudged her back with my elbow and smiled at them. "Don't let her pry guys, you can keep you secre–"

"Not our secret to keep, really." Gunter grumbled, rubbing his eyes. "Just had to break up a fight between two of our younger cadets."

"The newbies?" I frowned, that didn't sound like the 104th, unless Jean and Eren had gotten into it again.

Gunter shook his head. "Nah, I mean ones from last years drive. Dunno their names, but they were really going at it, seems one of them could be becoming a Daddy sometime soon."

"Ah… And the lovely lady has written to them both to–"

"No need, she's in our ranks." Eld shook his head, gesturing towards the Commander. "It's all being ironed out by their squad leaders sir, you'll have full details by morning."

Commander Erwin nodded and set down his water. "A shame to lose a recruit so close to a mission, but at least she realised before we set out."

A silver lining I suppose, assuming she wanted the thing. If not, I hoped she could find legitimate help.

"Sounds like quite a messy situation though." Hanji sat back, biting her lip, and then she stiffened when glancing towards Captain Levi.

I followed her gaze and found him frowning down at his plate, very still. Ah crap. Since that first time, he had been careful to 'leave' before reaching that moment, but it was hardly a fool-proof approach either. He was panicking. I nudged his foot under the table, trying to rouse his attention, but he just frowned more.

Mike cleared his throat. "Hardly an outcome we should assume though, plenty of the cadets fool around and nothing comes of it."

"E-Exactly!" Hanji agreed, digging the hole deeper.

Of those at the table, I was fairly sure at least Eld and Gunter were unaware of me and Captain Levi's relationship. Petra likely knew something was occurring, she was too sharp to not know. But Hanji and Mike definitely knew, and the Commander, well, he was the Commander. He knew shit before we did, almost every time. But a tension had entered the air anyway and soon enough everyone would be aware of it.

"Robyn, you okay?" Eld leaned forward, ever the concerned comrade who was unfortunately about to put his foot in it. "Is it a sore subject for you? Sorry, I didn't realise."

"Me? Nah, I've never wanted kids!" I shook my head and smiled, completely unaware of whether I was naling coffins into my relationship with Levi or not. I had dismissed it earlier, but did he want kids? Did it even matter? Was I already thinking about the long term? Bloody hell. I needed to talk to him alone, but if we suddenly left together now it would make it oh-so-bloody-obvious. "I just hope those cadets are asking her what she wants, as well as figuring out their own spat, the two guys."

"Mm, good point." Eld stirred his stew.

We all continued to eat, but the tension rolling off my Captain was immense, and eventually I had to throw caution to the wind and excuse myself. I finished my meal and headed outside with some tea. It was hardly unusual for me to do so, so that part was at least subtle. But would he follow me out there? I hoped so. I hoped he wanted to talk as much as I did. Then again, he might simply want to bury it, to never bring it up and leave things unsaid. We had talked, sure. But this was quite an intense subject for a lot of people. I had no clue what having, or not having, kids meant to Levi.

For the time being though, I was sat alone on the back steps of the base, watching the clouds skirt by the moon. It was a nice night. The patrols would have an easy job of finding their way. An owl hooted nearby, and the leaves rustled in the canopy as a breeze fluttered past. Even with the bustle of activity behind me, the outside evening was still fairly peaceful.

The breath before the plunge, I guess.

"Hey…" Levi spoke softly, approaching slow, presumably to avoid spooking me.

I glanced back and smiled, nodding to the spot beside me. It was unlikely that anyone would be out here, and even if they were, they would assume he was just a Squad Leader talking to one of his cadets. He sat. I couldn't ignore how straight he held himself, how rigid. Was it panic? I couldn't quite tell.

Presumably it would be best if I spoke first. "So listen–"

"I'm a damn fool. A moron. I should have been more careful, and now you're paying the price for it. I'm sorry." It poured out of him. "I'm a selfish bastard who should have kept himself in check. But it's going to be too late to do anything about it now while being safe, so please, please don't take that risk. It's not ideal obviously, I'm hardly a damned parental figure or any kind of parent material, but you won't be abandoned. It isn't what we signed up for but–"

"Oi!" I pressed a finger to his lips, ignoring the potential for us to be seen.

His eyes searched mine, hopefully finding mine calm. If not a little amused. Beyond that, I was touched. Sure his assumption was a little odd, I hadn't been the one getting tense in there, so it wasn't like I'd had a 'I'm pregnant' sign swinging above my head, but clearly he had interpreted it like that. But beyond that oddness was the sheer amount of kindness. No anger, no revulsion or rejection. No. Just apology and responsibility, stepping up and being every bit the good man I had always figured he was, but now saw very plainly.

"I'm not pregnant, Levi."

He blinked a few times, the words slowly slipping through his mind and hopefully putting out the panicked fires that had broken out.

"But inside… You went all quiet and odd." He frowned and shook his head. "Didn't you?"

"I was worried about how you were reacting." I chuckled, which made him give a huff of a laugh as the relief caught up with him. I think. This conversation could still take a bitter turn. Just because he was worried now, didn't mean he never wanted a family. Or rather, what was usually considered a family.

"Hold on, why were you worried if you knew you weren't…" He shook his head again and sighed. "I'll let you explain, I'm lost."

"Good idea. Look, I… I have something I need to explain to you about all this, about why I was so unbothered that first night. And… Well I'm just sorry I didn't do it sooner, okay? I should have."

He looked me over. "Are you ill?"

"No." I laughed again and shook my head. He was the sweetest man, wasn't he? "No, this is something that happened a very long time ago, but if it upsets you or whatever, that's perfectly valid. Just know that, okay? I get it. But a-anyway…"

I really was worried about his reaction, wasn't I? Damn I'm an idiot.

I continued. "So essentially I can't have children. Well no, not essentially, entirely actually."

He frowned. "How do you know that? Have you… Have you tried?"

"No, I know because I uh… Well because of Vincent's work." I swallowed, that familiar dull ache appearing in my gut whenever I thought of it, of that table, of the blood and my mother's screaming. I put my hand over the faint scar and reached for my tea when shivering tried to take hold. "He sterilised me when I was a kid. I'm barren."

If I thought Levi had been still and rigid before, that was nothing compared to how he went now. His eyes remained fixed on my hand against my stomach and his jaw tightened, but otherwise nothing moved. It wasn't clear if he was even breathing. At first I took it as shock, because of course it was a surprise. But then as it continued I figured that I had been right, that if we were both headed in the same direction with our long term feelings, this would be a major blow to him. No kids. Never. He said he wasn't paternal, but I knew he would make a great father someday. He had the caring instincts, and the selfless manner.

When I had managed to count to sixty a second time I set down my tea and stood from the step. Clearly this had knocked him sideways. This hadn't been what he expected. Perhaps not what he wanted. He needed an out. Presumably. I could give him that, with all his generosity towards me, I could give him that. Even if the last thing I wanted was for this to end.

"Levi, it's fine if this is too much for you. I never wanted to unload my past on you, you know that. I just figured it was better to admit it than–"

"Admit?" He repeated, wrinkling his nose, slowly turning to me from where he had been sat slightly angled towards me on the step. His eyes were silver in the moonlight. "You make it sound like it's something to be ashamed of."

"Well I guessed it bothered you, hence the silence."

He sighed. "Sorry, I just didn't… I didn't expect that. And I guess it bothered me because it horrified me that someone would do that to their own kid, but then again he was a special kind of bastard so… Anyway, the thoughts got away from me." He stood and approached. "And you didn't tell me before because…?"

"Just another part of my past for people to pity me over." I shrugged. "I never wanted brats, it was no loss to me, just another page in his tome of bullshit."

Levi shook his head. "Your mind is… I'm glad it doesn't upset you, but I am sorry about his shitty ways. It's awful. But if it's really in line with what you want, then I guess a silver lining is okay as well. I'm just… Why didn't I see the scar and ask?" He stepped in close, hands resting on my hips, one drifting across my stomach along the line of the scar.

I shivered. "Because I'm covered in the things?"

"Not really my point." He closed his eyes, and I guessed he was on some kind of guilt trip.

"Hey." I bumped my head against his. "I'm alright. And it isn't your duty to fix me, okay?"

He frowned and met my gaze. "Of course not, you don't need fixed."

I swallowed hard. This man was making it very hard to not fall for him. "So you're not disappointed?"

"Why would I be?" His hands rested on my hips. "Doesn't change what drew me towards you in the first place."

"A fine ass and crackin' wrack?" I snorted, sniffing as I tried to keep my relieved tears at bay.

He smirked. "Something like that…"

LEVI POV

Robyn headed back inside, her steps light as she left him in the moonlit courtyard. To have revealed something so horrible, most would have been a little shaken, but not her. Not his Robyn. He cleared his throat and looked down at himself. His Robyn? Somehow he was getting more foolish than ever before, wasn't he? When in the shower, and those words of missing her had slipped out, he had felt his heart climbing his throat. He didn't mean to voice it aloud. It was true. He had missed her terribly; and not just for the sex. Despite that part being intensely enjoyable. No, he had simply missed her company. Her laughter, her smile, the way her brow quirked as she readied to say something she wasn't sure was allowed. And then he admitted to missing her. So blatantly. Foolish didn't cover it.

But she had hardly refuted the sentiment.

In fact, she had agreed.

He loosened his cravat and closed his eyes. The chilled evening breeze brushed past, and the noises of the mess-hall had begun to calm down. Soon the majority of the regiment would be asleep. He should do the same. It had been an evening of revelations. Not only had Robyn trusted him with such an intimate part of her past, but she had seemed genuinely concerned about his potential reaction. Had she begun to feel as deeply as he had? He clicked his tongue. He was getting ahead of himself. She was a kind woman, no doubt she just wanted him informed so he wouldn't worry. It didn't need to mean anything more than that.

"Captain?"

He glanced back at Petra, her eyes checking the compound and then looking confused.

"Ral, can I help?"

"I thought you were out here talking with Robyn, sir."

"I may have been, why?" He turned to her properly.

It wasn't lost on him that it had been Petra to give him a push and actually speak to Robyn about his feelings. Without that, he may well have left things unsaid. Things would have been assumed. And then regrets would have no doubt latched on.

Petra stopped on steps and tucked her hair back. "Is she all right?"

"Yes, I believe so. She was when she went to bed a few minutes ago, why?"

The young woman worried her bottom lip. "I just know that discussion may have upset her more than she was letting on."

Did Ral know?

It didn't seem like the sort of thing Robyn would have told anyone else. Then again, Ral was a close friend of hers, wasn't she? They had known each other since training.

He dipped his head. "Without going into detail, we talked, everything is fine, Petra."

"So she told you… I'm glad." Petra laughed breathlessly, eyes shining a little before she sniffed. "I was so scared she never would. To anyone, I mean. She didn't even mean to tell me."

He frowned. "What do you–"

"She was drunk, during our second year, and it sort of came tumbling out." Ral perched on the steps. "She said it so matter-of-factly, like she was telling me her favourite colour or something. I'm glad she finally told you though."

"Mm." Despite being out in the open, he began to feel a little cornered. "If you'll excuse me, Ral, I should–"

"It's not my place, sir. But if I may… You make a lovely couple." She smiled and looked up at the stars. "Can I ask a personal question, sir?"

"At this point, I don't see why not." He leaned on the stone wall by the steps. "What is it?"

The shine returned to Petra's eyes. "Do you love her, sir?"

He tensed, knowing full well his silence was likely a loud enough answer for the damned Titans in Maria to be hearing it. But Petra was kind, and continued to watch the stars, instead of landing those bright eyes on him. Love. Ever since his connection with Robyn had begun, even under the flimsy facade of 'fuck buddy', he knew he felt something far more genuine. But the word Love. It was so tangled in connotation and history. A mother's love had haunted him for years, dragging him back to that small room where he assumed he would die beside her mouldering corpse. A friend's love had nearly drowned him as he rode away from the dismantled bodies of Isabel and Farlan. And he feared admitting to the same connection to anyone else, from Mike to Hanji, and even Erwin. But a romantic love?

Robyn's smile flashed into view.

Her laughter echoed in his mind.

The taste of her kiss lingered on his lips.

Shit…

Petra smiled softly and closed her eyes, a tear rolling down her cheeks. "Like I said, you make a lovely couple."

"Petra…" He began, noting how she kept her eyes closed while the tears fell. "Why're you crying?"

"Because now I'm suddenly very fucking scared, sir." She sniffed. "Have you told her? Guess not if you only just realised because I pointed it out." She laughed breathlessly again and wiped her eyes. "It's a complicated thing, right?"

"Very."

"But at the same time so stupidly simple."

Ral had a strange honesty to her, sometimes seemingly based in naivety, but in reality it seemed more based in the fact she understood people. Certainly better than Levi did. He looked up and wondered how much Farlan would have been rolling his eyes, how much Isabel would have been stomping her foot.

Tell her you moron.

Big Bro, c'mon! Spit it out!

His throat pinched with how clearly he could hear their voices, like they were right here with him, still looking up at the stars.

Petra stood. "Well you know what I think, sir. But I fully appreciate how complicated these things can be from person to person." She began to walk away.

"I appreciate it, Ral."

"Sir?" She looked back with those bright eyes and he dipped his head again.

"I appreciate it. The push to speak, and the understanding."

"You give a lot to this regiment, sir, seems the least you can be given in return is a bit of understanding." She chuckled and shook her head. "I'm happy for you, genuinely."

"You think she's happy?"

Petra blinked and snorted. "Yes, yes I really do. If I didn't, trust me, this would be a very different conversation."

He hummed. "Glad to hear it. Goodnight, Ral."

"Goodnight, sir."

Dun dun duuuuuuun. So now he knows. Some more personal stuff this time I guess, but don't worry, the big ol' mission is just round the corner. Thanks for reading, faving, following and leaving reviews when you can. Shoutouts below! Cya in a week!

Elorene: I hope you spot this shoutout when you reach this chapter, I realise you reviewed in Chpt 1, so fingers crossed you see it. I have kept the original version up because as much as it is a wayward messier thing haha, I still love it. Literally saved my love of writing when I almost gave up, so it'll always be on this site, don't worry! I hope you enjoy both versions ^-^ the original is completed, has been for a looooong time. Same title. But you should be able to find it via my account etc. And don't worry it won't really spoil things for this story, i am doing A LOT of things differently haha. Thanks! Hope you're enjoying either or both stories.