It's a day late, sorry about that, yesterday got away from me. Next instalment! Enjoy ^-^

ROBYN POV

Steam. Screaming. Red. Panic. Begging. Burning. Fear. Fury. Blood.

"Sh-Shit!" I sat bolt upright, panting, whole body rigid as if I was about to run full pelt away from an oncoming Titan.

Instead I dragged air into my lungs and tried to think. One thing at a time. Easy. Just breathe. Okay. Done. Now then, where the hell was I? Alone in the small infirmary room, of course. Right, I knew that. The last light of the day dipped over the horizon, windows slightly open to let in the pleasant breeze. Okay. Breathe. I wasn't bound. I wasn't being watched either. My hands settled against my lap and I thought back, vaguely recalling being awake to talk to my Captain. Yes, that was right. We'd spoken about the team, about the Mission. About… I swallowed hard and looked down at myself. My body far more repaired than it should have been. For one thing, I managed to sit up. For another, I was alive. I carefully kneaded the leg that had been demolished during the mission; a dull ache remained, and a sharper one further down. Damage remained then. But it was still remarkably well healed considering it had only been 48 hours if that. Unnaturally well healed.

So… Was I a Titan?

And if I was… How the hell had I not known?

My mind fizzed.

I tried to focus.

When Eren had talked about what preceded his first transformation, it seemed to indicate that the ability had been triggered by the fact he was on the verge of death. I had certainly been that on the field. But I hadn't transformed. And I hadn't healed fully either. My body was far further along the recovery process than it should have been, but Eren's abilities always took him back to peak health, if a little tired. So… Was my own ability somehow different to his? How? Why?

I reached over my shoulder and ran my finger along one of the marks Vincent had left behind, his tapestry of bullshit. Was that work somehow connected to this? Had Vincent been trying to turn me into a Titan the entire time? I frowned. It didn't add up. He wanted me dead, so him trying to make me powerful didn't make sense. Nor did him sterilising me. That didn't seem connected at all to the goal of creating a shifter. Then again, that was me making assumptions with a tiny amount of information.

A headache formed behind my eyes.

God dammit. All I wanted to do was live my life, serve humanity in its last ditch efforts to survive, maybe even have a little fun along the way. And yet… The past just kept crawling back into place, nestling in the present, cluttering my world.

I jolted as the door closed, turning too quickly and making myself dizzy. My Captain watched me carefully, brow raised, eyes raking over me as he approached, still limping. It hadn't been any length of time then, maybe a few hours since I was sedated.

He perched on the bed. "Had to wake up when I needed to take a piss, huh?"

"Just to be awkward." I smiled uneasily, hands shaking in my lap as my head tried to wrap around even half of what had happened.

Female Titan attack. So a new shifter had entered the fold. They had definitely been after Eren. They had presumably been within our ranks, or knew of our movements. Our team was gone. All dead. And now I was potentially some version of a shifter myself.

I put my head against his shoulder and sniffed, head feeling fit to burst. "So…"

"So…" He encouraged me to lay back, fixing my blankets, taking one of my hands in his. "You feeling up to talking? It can wait if need be, you were only out for a few more hours."

I squeezed his hand. "You and Hanji are already keeping me shielded from some major scrutiny I'll bet."

"Erwin's getting a little suspicious, yes. But we can handle him."

"You don't have to." I smiled softly. "But it's appreciated. I… I don't really know where to begin…"

"Makes two of us." He smirked and moved the chair closer. "But aside from that subject. How're you feeling?"

"Aches here and there but generally all right." I looked up at the ceiling. "Is it just you and Hanji that know?"

"For the time being. We didn't want anyone else aware until you were able to handle questions."

"Thanks." I closed my eyes. "I really didn't know."

"We believe you."

My lips wobbled. There was still so much trust despite everything, despite me losing my own team, then being right there and losing his. How? How could he look at me and see anything but a liability?

I sucked in a shaken breath. "And I'm sorry. I know you don't think it's necessary, but I am."

"As am I." He sighed. "But we will make this right. They won't have died for nothing."

I wasn't entirely convinced that anything could really make up for those losses, but that wasn't the conversation to have right now. My hand squeezed his and the words remained behind my pursed lips.

"All right." I drew a long breath. "So… I might be like Eren. Pretty sure we should broach that subject before it festers too much more."

"Hanji will be along in a minute to talk as well." He stroked my hair back. Clearly he wasn't afraid to be near me, to touch me. That was something. "Do you have any questions?"

"I guess… Do you and Hanji have any theories on what the hell is happening?"

"A few. But while Jaeger heals completely, you haven't. Your injuries stopped healing once you were out of a life threatening situation. Or that was what we surmised at the time." He ran his thumb along the back of my hand. "Hanji's favourite theory is this is something to do with the work Vincent did when you were a child. But she's not exactly keen on attempting to get the healing to work again to further study what's happening."

I gritted my teeth. "Because you're scared I might shif–"

"No, because clearly you have to be on the brink of death for it to work, or at least to activate it. We won't be returning you to that state on purpose." He sighed. "Your healing stopped by the time we returned to the walls, no steam, nothing. That's why you still have bruising. Beyond that… Well Hanji thinks it made you severely ill."

"H-Huh?"

"Between the fever and the weightloss and vomiting, it was like your body was trying to reject the healing entirely." He swallowed hard and shook his head. "We were worried the damned healing had done more damage."

"I… I guess that helps back-up the idea that Vincent did this."

Levi raised a brow. "What do you mean?"

"If it's not natural, no wonder my body was in revolt. That and… Well he'd never intend something to be helpful for me."

Levi nodded and traced some of my bandaging at my wrist. "I loathe how it was done, if that is how this was done, but both me and Hanji are pretty convinced it's why you're still alive."

I bit my lip. "Bad, huh?"

"Your leg was destroyed, your lung punctured, y…" He stopped and gritted his teeth. "If bloodloss hadn't taken you, infection would have or simply parts of bones getting into your bloodstream. At least, that was what Hanji said."

All right. I think that could be summarised as about as bad as I'd ever been. Broken bones, sure, I'd had plenty. But that sounded like my body had been pulp. One thing to be grateful for, I guess. Well, along with being alive, Levi being alive, Hanji being alive… Okay no, I had plenty to be thankful for.

"So presumably I can't shift." My hands clenched to fists. "Typical."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, of course he didn't give me the useful part…"

"What?" Levi frowned. "Not useful? Robyn, it saved your life."

"Yes but–"

"No." He snapped. "No, you're not cheapening this with your need to be the hero."

I flinched. "It's not that. I just wish I–"

"Robyn." He lurched forward and cupped my face, putting his forehead to mine. "You don't have to save everyone to justify your own survival."

I stayed quiet. Words of refute brimmed my tongue; you're wrong, it's not like that. But it was. He saw right through me. My heart ached, wondering what might have gone differently if I had transformed when those injuries took place. Would Eren have even had to shift? Would Petra be alive? Perhaps Oluo as well. But no. Vincent made me a doll that could partially stitch itself back together. That was all.

Levi kissed my head. "I highly doubt the healing advantage was an intentional part of this from Vincent, seems unlikely he'd have intentionally given you anything good, but it's a silver lining to that time in the basement, isn't it?"

"Y-Yeah. You're… You're right."

"You're enough, Robyn."

Tears rolled down and he wiped them away. "I'll work on remembering that."

"See that you do, Brat." He smirked as he leaned back as steps approached the door. "Go ahead and pretend to be sleeping, I'll fill her in on what you've said so far. Let her ramble a little without you getting the headache."

I smiled, but then gripped his hand. "Thank you, Levi."

He frowned. "For?"

"Just… You gotta be the best fuck buddy anyone's ever had."

He snorted. "An honour, I'm sure."

I closed my eyes and let go of his hand, noting how he held on a fraction of a second longer before releasing his grip. Luck had never really been on my side in life, or at least it hadn't felt like it had. But between this silver lining of Vincent's bastard work, and now having Levi by my side to help get my head out of my ass, maybe I would have to rethink that summation. In a lot of ways, I am the luckiest shithead that ever lived. And sooner rather than later I would have to admit it, wouldn't I? This situation, between me and Levi, it went beyond the scope of fuck buddies. It had since the start. I don't know if either of us knew that was going to happen or not, but it had. At least… For me. I could have been reading into things too much. It was my nature. But it seemed like he felt more than that too. But how much more? My heart clenched. I knew how deeply I felt, in the base of my gut I think I'd known for a long while. But saying it out loud would make it so much more real.

I loved Levi.

In my own head, buried within my own thoughts, those three words didn't count for much. But they would have to be voiced soon. After all, as Scouts, we weren't often given too many chances, and me and Levi had both almost died so many times over we were long overdue.

He might laugh in my face. He might run a mile in the opposite direction. He might just shrug and say it doesn't mean a damned thing. Or, he might be his awkward self, struggle to wrangle his own thoughts, and eventually return the sentiment. Maybe. Or was that me being naive? Perhaps. Only one way to find out, really.

Once Levi had summarised to Hanji what we discussed he gave my shoulder a light tap. "You with us, Sanshi?"

Hanji laughed. "Oh come off it, Levi. Cut the formal shit, I know full well you're between the sheets when you're not whispering in corners or snogging in cupboards."

A tense silence followed, and I opened my eyes to avoid Hanji being flung from a window. "N-Not planning on blabbing, Hanji?"

"Of course not, I think it's adorable someone's finally managed to get Shorty all hot and heavy." She winked and then came to my other side, perhaps to get ease of access to me as a patient, perhaps to use me as a human shield. Or both. Both was perfectly possible.

She checked me over and studied the marks on my back a little closer. But there wasn't much to find other the deranged symbols of Vincent. Nor was there any clear connection between that and this apparent power I had. At the most desperate of times. And even then, it nearly killed me itself. I laid back and sighed. What a fucking mess.

"If I remember anything else about the basement I'll let you know." I bit my lip and studied my palms. My past. I'd been running for it for so long, and now they wanted me to scrutinise it. Was I up to that? I guess I had to be.

Levi looked uncomfortable as he cleared his throat. "One other thing, Robyn…"

"What is it? After all this shit, you can't have anything that bad to ask about."

He shook his head. "No, it's just… Well, Glasses here mentioned you were having odd memories at the base camp. And you mentioned someone called Kenny?"

I blinked. "Sure. He seemed to be working with my Father, or trying to be his boss or… I dunno really."

"How did he sound?"

I thought back. "It's all so vague. I uh…"

"Was he–"

Hanji made a peeping sound. "Don't lead the witness! Let her describe his voice."

I had no idea what they were going on about, but I tried to remember. "Rough? Kinda… slangy and… I dunno like he'd smoked a dozen cigarettes every hour since he was twelve."

Levi closed his eyes. "Fuck."

"Ah." Hanji sighed. "Fuck, indeed."

"What… What is this about?"

"Perhaps a connection to my past. I'll try to look into it, nothing to worry about yet, I think." Levi took my hand and squeezed. "Certainly not the current problem."

I looked at our hands. He was usually so warm, but he felt a little cold. Was I running warmer these days? Or was that still a bit of fever running around my system? The only person who would understand this disconnected feeling would be Eren. But I couldn't tell him. Not before we knew what was happening.

I jolted. Hold on.

I looked to Levi. "Wait, what's happening with Eren?"

"We'll be heading for Stohess in a couple of days. He's to be handed over to–"

"They can't do that!"

Hanji put a hand on my shoulder. "I need you to stay calm, kiddo, your body is still in need of a lot of recovery."

I looked down at myself. Bruises. Stitching. I was once again a total mess, and not even sped up healing had helped that much. Beyond that, I guess they didn't want to test out the fact I wasn't able to shift when they were still in the same room as me.

My hands trembled. "I just don't want him being used like some kind of fucking lab rat."

"We're going to do everything we can." Hanji gave my shoulder a light squeeze. "Beyond that, Erwin is figuring out a fresh plan. He very much doubts the Female Titan will so easily hand over Eren to the MPs, she was desperate to get hold of him on the field."

Of course.

But that meant a potential attack within the walls, didn't it? It was all a twisted mess of risks and secrets, but we had to use every card we had available. And I had an ace up my sleeve. Maybe. As long as she was willing to be involved. But considering the fact there might be a damned Titan Shifter running around Stohess within a week, Keza might like the sound of a change of scenery. And beyond that, I would want to know that she was safe.

"Would someone inside of Stohess be of help? Having someone who has access to certain areas or perhaps quick routes out?"

Hanji tilted her head. "You got some connections, Robyn?"

"Yeah, a pretty lucrative one. She knows all the quick ways out of a place once she's lived there longer than a week. And I'm pretty sure she's been there a couple of years."

Levi folded his arms. "Your sassy friend you went to dinner with?"

"One and the same."

He rolled his eyes. "Oh good. We'll be seeing more of her then."

"Sorry Levi." I chuckled.

We had a couple of days to play with between me waking up and Eren being summoned. For once, the red tape worked in our favour, and the Commander was making sure it stayed that way as long as possible. So I managed to write to Keza, keeping things strictly on a 'between the lines' basis and got a prompt response:

Numbnuts, you got it.

We would meet her by the main gate into the city, where she would faff and sob and wail as loudly as needed to make the procession pause. I'd do my part, being the ever-emotional lady that I was, and we would be ushered into the carriage simply to keep things moving. And then she would hopefully have a good route out of here if, or when, things started to go awry.

Once again the Commander was playing things close to the chest but I could hardly blame him. Someone within our ranks, or at least within the military, had attacked us. There was no other way they would have happened upon us on the field like that. They had wiped out countless brilliant Scouts and nearly got away with Eren. What might have occurred if they had succeeded was too horrible to consider. The destruction they caused to get to him, hardly gave us reason to think they would treat him well once they had him.

Though I admit, I was as confused as my Captain when he described the Female Titan as having cried when he and Mikasa had managed to overpower her enough to retrieve Eren. In the field she had been so cold, callous and unfeeling. And yet she cried in defeat? Was it a pathetic inability to accept defeat? Or a sudden wave of regret? Regardless, I hoped she choked on those tears. I hope she drowned.

This new base would do for the rest of the 104th Cadets, and hopefully none of them revealed themselves as fucking hidden shifters either. I stopped. I'd been smoothing out a blanket on someone's bed as the thoughts trickled through my mind and I stalled. Shifter. For all we knew, I was one. So far I hadn't done that, but I had the healing. Kind of. It had also made me gravely ill and stopped once I wasn't critically injured. But still. Some of the ability, somehow, was there. Was I a shifter? Could I be somehow linked to these assholes that had unleashed hell the day Maria fell, and now this new crap with the Female Titan? Was it possible to have one without the other? I shook my head. I guess I should have been thinking more specifically about enemy shifters, as opposed to shifters in general being a problem. After all, we had Eren on our side.

I guess I'm still confused. And I guess that's okay. None of us really know what's happening or why. Except maybe those attacking us. And beyond that, I can't claim to be sleeping well. Every time I drift off I see them; Eld, Gunter, Oluo, Petra. My friends. My comrades. My team. They're laughing, joking, we're training, cleaning, and then they start to scream. Then the blood comes. Then the snapping of bones. And I wake. Gasping on my own cries or muffling them into my pillow already. But always with tears streaking down my cheeks, and a fresh burning ache in my heart. They're gone. All gone. And once again it was me left here, to survive. Some might call that lucky. Sometimes I'm not so sure.

Mike came in and set out a fresh crate of supplies.

I dragged myself back to reality.

His expression was as stony as it had been that morning, not pleased about being relegated to babysitting the cadets while the rest of us went to Stohess with Eren. But what he was doing here was vital. Beyond keeping the kids safe, it was keeping them separate if there were more of them acting against us. Still, he was pissed.

I helped him open the crate. "Stohess is going to be potentially a total clusterfuck."

He grumbled. "Probably why you shouldn't be there at all. What're you going to do anyway? You're still injured."

"Me and Levi are going to head for the Underground city once we get a chance. We have a few things to look into."

He nodded. "Makes sense, I guess. Sorry… I'm being a brat."

"It's fine, I get it." I couldn't help but smile when he did that pout. "I hate that I can't actually be involved beyond the aftermath. The plan itself is around me, not including me."

"Half your body was reduced to dust, Robyn." Mike shook his head. "Just focus on healing for now."

I looked down. "Yeah I guess so. Just feels like I should be useful rather than–"

"Your survival doesn't need justified."

My mouth closed. Him and Levi had been talking, clearly. It had been almost a year since I said that to Mike, since I sat him down and pushed through his walls. We needed Mike. We needed him to come through the other side and see the reason he had lived while his team died. Back then it had been so clear to me. But back then, it had been me consoling him.

He took my hand in his. "A cheap move maybe, but you kinda asked for it."

"Git." I huffed a laugh, squeezing his hand. "Don't go running these kids ragged because you're bored, eh?"

"I make no promises."

I smirked. "All right, then I'll make one. I promise I'll do my best to remind myself of my own words, okay?"

"That's all I can ask." He let go of my hand. "Although I do have one more thing to ask."

I blinked up at him.

He smirked. "Have you told Levi how you really feel, yet?"

My face heated.

He grinned. "Guessing that's a no?"

"I… Well he… We…" My eyes dropped to the floor and the blush reached my ears. "Dammit Mike…"

"You love him, don't you?"

I winced. "How'd you know? I only just figured it out myself."

"You always were a bit slow with emotions." He pulled me into a hug. "You stink of it. You both do."

"Charming…" I mumbled against his chest, willing my face to stop burning so brightly.

He snorted. "Plus, knowing you both pretty well helps, but I swear I see it in him too."

I knew full well that Mike would never lie to me, but still I found doubt ringing in my ears. And why? Levi had been nothing but caring towards me, loving even. And yet… And yet the echoes of all Vincent's venom lingered.

Love you? How could anyone love a damned rat!

I'll love you little shit as soon as you're worth a damn thing.

You're worthless.

Damn wretch.

Get out of my way, you filthy waste.

Cruel, malicious, evil, and yet his words stained my thoughts deep enough to make my heart pound. Mike leaned back but I just stared at his boots. I couldn't say it. Beyond anything else it was pathetic. I beat Vincent. He was dead. I did that. With my own hands I had stopped his bullshit, ended his venom, silenced his crap. And yet. When I considered looking Levi in the eyes and saying those three little words, all I could think, hear and feel was Vincent's raucous laughter.

"Hey you're scared, I get it…" Mike's words dimmed. "Or maybe I don't?"

"It's fine." I shook my head.

He tapped my chin. "Hey… Confide in a friend?"

I swallowed hard. "It's so silly."

"Try me."

"L-Love… It's kinda… kinda… a complicated word for me." I croaked, words suddenly barbed in my throat. "But you're right. I do. A-About Levi. You got it spot on."

"This complication, anything to do with the asshole you turned to pulp on the mess hall floor?"

I shivered, but I nodded.

Mike sighed. "Right. I suppose some shits dig deeper than others. I'm sorry, Robyn."

"Don't be, I'm just being–"

"No." He put his hands on my shoulders. "C'mon, don't do that."

I leaned into his hold. "New habit, this confiding in folks."

"A good one though." He knelt in front of me, waiting patiently until I managed to meet his eye.

The Scouts were such a big family. All caring for each other, all worrying over our comrades. Even with the Levi Squad gone, I still had friends here, I still had family. That shouldn't be forgotten. It was probably how we'd beat the bastards in the end.

When I finally managed to look up, Mike smirked, slightly sadly. "I dunno what that bastard made you think, but… I'd seriously advise not letting these things go unsaid."

"Gotta avoid those pesky regrets, right?" I swallowed hard and he nodded. "Thanks Mike."

"Any time."

A bell sounded in the courtyard and I sighed, knowing I had to head back to the real world. Back to the bigger picture and our intended Stohess plan. I just hoped it worked. It had to. That or Eren was going to be a lab rat for whatever remained of his young life.

"You ready for this?" Mike asked as he joined me at the window, looking at the wagon of us headed back to the city.

"Gotta be. Feels like a tipping point, doesn't it?"

"Yeah. It really does." He squeezed my shoulder. "See you on the other side."

"Fucking better." I hugged him tight and headed out to the waggons, waving to the members of the 104th as they watched from the make-shift mess-hall. They were good kids. They didn't deserve to be on the sidelines like this. I winced. Unless of course they were somehow involved. It wasn't impossible after all. At this point, nothing was.

Next stop, Stohess.

Dun dun duuuuun, Stohess incoming! Hope you're still enjoying. Thanks for faving, following and reviewing when you can. Cya next week!