Enjoy!

After lunch we attended a meeting in the Commander's office. Time to start properly planning Shiganshina. As if the Commander hadn't planned everything already, but this was his chance to get our input and see where he felt our ideas could or should be implemented. It would have seemed arrogant if the man wasn't almost always correct. In front of our seats were lists and summaries of the numbers we had, the supplies, the permissions. He had left no stone unturned of course. I had been to many of these meetings, but it never failed to amaze me how much our efforts as a regiment could be boiled down to a few scratched lines of ink.

But once the nuts and bolts had been discussed and agreed on, the room grew quiet. Something else was looming. I looked between the Commander and my Captain, and they both looked uncomfortable. Had they found new information? New resources? I noted the way Levi was avoiding looking at me, and my heart clenched.

"You mentioned another element?" Hanji prompted, looking over the notes again and coming up without her answer. "Erwin? Is it the syringe?"

Syringe…

He sighed. "When Captain Levi found the nearly-dead Kenny Ackerman, he was given a syringe supposedly filled with the substance that allows people to be turned into Titans."

It was like the air had been sucked out of the room.

The Commander continued. "Though it is the mindless kind, not shifter. As far as we can determine from what Reiss was saying to Historia, in order to become a Shifter, and regain one's sentient mind, that 'pure' Titan has to eat another Shifter."

A small box was brought out and placed onto the table. Sleek, black, seemingly unimportant. Except it was very important. Using that serum would save someone from the brink of death, could literally save their life and allow us to take hold of one of the enemy Shifters. Maybe. All of our eyes were fixed on it, like it was a loaded gun. We had no real idea what being a Shifter even meant. Judging from how it sometimes wore Eren down, it hardly seemed like it was a healthy thing for the human body.

The Commander continued. "I am entrusting this syringe to Captain Levi. It will be his decision who it is used on, if it comes to that."

I clasped my hands tightly. It was an incredible amount of pressure to put on someone, so it made sense to go with Levi. In battle he was always focused – except when it came to me, but I couldn't use the serum. As long as that was clear, it should be fine.

My eyes met Levis from across the table.

He looked conflicted.

I felt like I should raise a hand. Something in my gut told me that this fact needed underlined. Like I could already hear Levi trying to justify at least trying the serum on me one last time. It was probably just me being paranoid. But still, the worry brewed. Perhaps I should talk to Levi about it later on.

We went back over the supplies, the route, and the fact we would be able to travel at night as well thanks to the strange glowing crystal from the cave. More and more we edged towards having advantages. Assuming the enemy didn't have these things as well. Really, we had no idea what they did or didn't have. Sure, Reiner and Bertholdt had been living in our world with our technologies for the past five years or so, but that didn't mean their own home didn't have its own boons.

As the meeting came to an end, I lingered at the table, along with my Captain, Hanji, Keza who had come in towards the end, and the Commander. We got some tea, and the windows were opened to let in the afternoon air. A golden light pooled into the room, the end of the day, but burning such a beautiful colour it was nice to simply sit and enjoy it for a moment. Even if I felt something going unsaid at the same time. Keza had been spending more and more time with the Commander, and despite not seeing a ring on her finger, I assume they had talked again about marriage considering that talk I'd had with Keza the night of the cadets wedding. I simply hadn't had a chance to chase her up on it yet.

She was perched beside him at the table, helping him with his tea, stirring in some honey for him. I had seen Keza manipulate men plenty, use them like toys as easily as others breathed. But that wasn't what this was. No. She was doting on the man. I don't think I'd really appreciated how affected Keza was by the Commander, as well as him being blindsided by her.

"So Erwin, you're still planning on going on this mission?" Keza spoke calmly, casually almost, but it landed like a nail into a coffin. The room fell silent.

Hanji stirred her own tea slowly, eying me and Levi as she likely felt as lost as we did. Why would Keza bring this up now? Surely if they were going to have some kind of domestic – which seemed likely from the tone, and the fact he had gone totally rigid as soon as she said anything – they would take it elsewhere? But no. It seemed Keza wanted an audience, and I had the funny feeling it was in the hopes of getting some back up.

The Commander cleared his throat. "We have discussed this."

"Mhm, and we're gonna fucking discuss it again, with a few more folks around to get through that thick skull of yours."

He sighed. "When it comes to personal matters, my dear, your opinion is invaluable. But this is different, this isn't personal, it is the military–"

"You dying on a vendetta isn't personal?" She snapped, letting the teaspoon clink against the teacup as she raised a brow at Erwin, her jaw set tight. "How'd you logic that one? Go on, explain it to me, the silly little civilian."

He pursed his lips and met her eyes. Brave man. "You know fine well I am not suggesting you are silly for these concerns. Do not demean my intent."

"And don't think you can hide behind protocol. It's why I want their input. They're just as military as you, just as driven as you, just as oh-so-fucking-heroic as you. So I wanna know how they feel about their one-armed Commander coming along for the ride." She then landed those bright eyes on us, all of us in turn, and I was reminded why my friend was as fierce as she was beautiful. We were all in for it.

The Commander smoothed back his hair, but it did little for his composure. "I value my comrades opinions, but they are not deciding this for me."

"And your decision making is clearly on the fritz." She snorted. "What good are you going to be on the field, seriously? You're just about managing to ride your horse, but the second a Titan turns up? Or better yet one of those shifter bastards. You'll be a sitting duck. In fact no, worse than that, a sitting lame duck with no bloody wings!"

"I cannot not see this through." He closed his eyes, frowning deeply. "You know why."

"Do they know?"

"Levi and Hanji do, yes. Sanshi has no reason to trouble herself with her Commanders–"

"Hairbrained logic. Actually, I think that's exactly what she should be doing. Troubling herself."

I leaned back in my chair as they both stared over at me. Or rather, both glared. And for very different reasons. I assumed the Commander wanted me to excuse myself, to refuse the information and simply leave. Perhaps he even wanted me to launch myself from that window. Keza wanted me to ask. She wanted me to pry, to help her get to whatever point it was she was trying to make. But I was never good at being a puppet, a well-intentioned one or not.

I cleared my throat. "Keza, what the hell has this got to do with–"

"He's fulfilling some promise to his…" She stopped talking and looked to the side, jaw clenched tight and blush blooming. "Dammit."

A promise? I looked to my Commander, and saw his anger had disappeared, melting into concern as he looked to Keza. A promise to his… Parents? I thought back on the Commander's reaction to my tale in the aftermath of my killing Vincent. The promise. That had been when his eyes changed from calculating leader to someone on common ground. Bloodied common ground. And now Keza had connected those dots, or at least very similar ones.

Hanji bit her lip. "Yeah… I dunno that you're gonna get the back-up you're looking for from the likes of Robyn."

"Shit." Keza got up and shoved the nearby chair over, tears spilling down her cheeks as she glared at the room, storming over to the window to try and compose herself. She hugged herself tightly. Alone. Scared. Faltering. Everything my friend wasn't.

I got up and went to her side, raising a hand to Levi and Commander Erwin alike. This wasn't the time for their input. My friend was in pain, she was scared, she was desperate to have me in her corner. We never backed each other up blindly. If one of us was being an idiot, the other would say as much. We could always depend on each other to be honest. But we needed all the information to do so.

She faced away from me, shoulders shuddering with her silent sobs.

I hugged her from behind and tucked my head onto her shoulder, waiting for her breathing to even out a little. It took a few moments, but eventually she breathed slower, and one of her hands landed on top of mine.

"Hey there." I murmured, nuzzling her neck a little.

"Numbnuts… R-Robyn… You see it's crazy, don't you?"

"I ain't got the whole picture yet, don't go asking me to make a choice like that." I kissed her cheek, still streaked in tears. "C'mon, come back to the table, let's talk."

"Fuck, I'm so scared." She breathed, and I guessed only I would be able to hear it.

"I'm right here."

"Don't let go of me."

"Never."

We returned to the table. I sat beside her near the head of the table, her being between me and the Commander. Her eyes stayed low. No doubt she felt foolish, but she had no reason to. She cared for Erwin. That was a good thing. It made sense that she was getting emotional over potentially losing him, any of us would do the same for a loved one. If anyone argued otherwise, they'd find my boot up their arse.

"To clear the air a little," the Commander began, clasping his hands under his chin and leaning on them slightly, "I shall explain myself to you, Sanshi. Though I appreciate you don't consider the information owed."

I nodded, but stayed quiet, holding Keza's hand tightly under the table.

He continued. "At the core of my want to free Humanity from the Titans is the reason for my father's death. My own foolishness. I gave information away that I shouldn't have, and it led to him being killed by the MPs. My father knew things of the world before the Titans, or at least, he had books about it and theories. As a child I found it fascinating, but didn't understand the dangerous nature of these things. Some MPs asked me questions, the next week my father was killed."

When he looked my way, I found myself transfixed by his gaze.

He maintained eye contact. "And so I feel I must be on this mission, because I must fulfil the promise to my father I made at his grave, and to his memory ever since. I wish to find the truth. To prove him right, or at least, continue his theories."

Keza closed her eyes and her grip on my hand tightened.

Quite the promise. The Commander was a few years older than me, and it sounded like this happened when he was very young. A lifelong obsession. He stood upon the cusp of seeing it realised, and now an injury might keep him from that moment. Or rather, the immediate realisation of that moment. Ah. I see. The impatience was the thing grating Keza's heart. There was still no need for him to be actually on the mission, anything we discovered would be revealed to him as soon as we returned. Unless at the root of this was also a doubt. He didn't expect anyone to return?

"So… You're determined to come on the mission, to see this promise fulfilled."

"Yes."

Keza jolted. "But–"

I held up a hand to her. "Hang on, love."

She sat back.

I fixed my gaze onto the Commander. "So why can't you wait until we come back? It's still fulfilled even if you're not there to–"

"I have to witness this."

"Why?"

He glared at me, but I didn't waver. I couldn't. From knowing Hanji and Levi, they would have the same concerns. Perhaps they had already voiced them before this, perhaps this was the Commander's seventh time through this argument and he was just plain tired of it. But bugger it. I cared for the Commander. Not in the same way I cared for Levi and Hanji, but he mattered to me, he was the first person in authority to really believe in me. Shadis had endured me. Vincent had bullied me. My mother… As much as I love her, failed me. But the Commander saw me and believed I could do the task, believed I could be a Scout.

It seemed like he had been glaring forever, but eventually he just sighed and closed his eyes. "I would have thought you of all people would understand, Sanshi."

"I do." I replied, noting the slight outrage in his eyes that flashed into place. If I understood, why question it – that was likely ringing in his mind in that moment. "But I also know it isn't quite the same."

"How do you deduce that?"

"Because I'm not depended on in the same way. You should strive for your dream, sir, of course. That promise is clearly very important to you, and I understand that. But I also understand how it can cloud your judgement."

He glared. "Those that depend on me will only benefit from this truth being found."

"But not by you being killed in the process." I smiled softly at his ongoing furrowed brow, it smoothed a little as he saw the lack of fight.

Sure, I could have snapped back, I could have got my heckles up and started a snarling match. Easily. It's me. But this wasn't the place for it. Not only was it a delicate situation, my Keza was literally trembling next to me. This wasn't an abstract debate. Between her wanting to keep the man she loved, I also had to consider the dream of a man I admired.

I sighed. "Look, I know I can't really change your mind, sir. Not my place. But I do see where Keza is coming from. She doesn't want to deny you your dream, she just doesn't want you to die in the process."

She nodded, pursing her wobbling lips.

I then looked to her and gave her hand an extra squeeze so she would look at me. "But you also have to understand, Keza… Commander Erwin has been living for the rest of Humanity for a long time. He takes so much abuse and hardship, simply to keep this regiment going, afloat, functioning. I don't want him risking his life either, but at the same time, him claiming something for himself is also… not exactly something I feel I can deny him. Or try to."

She wanted to argue. I knew it. The angry words bubbled up her throat, brimmed her tongue and stung her lips. But as her eyes shone I knew she had heard me. Truly heard me. Honesty, that was what had kept me and Keza going through thick and thin. No matter what, we would be honest with each other.

"Fuck." She whimpered, squeezing my hand before letting go and scraping her hair back from her red face. "Fat lot of good you are, Numbnuts."

I laughed softly and nudged her. "Sorry love, but this is something you gotta work on together."

The Commander was still watching me closely, the glare long gone, but something new in its place. I couldn't quite place it myself, but it made me feel warm inside. Perhaps it was respect. Perhaps it was simply he had begun to think about dinner. No idea. But when he gave a small nod, I returned it.

Levi cleared his throat. "For the record…"

Commander Erwin closed his eyes. "Don't."

"I still think I should just break your fucking legs."

LEVI POV

By all accounts it was a fairly pointless meeting. One way or another they had all been given that information already, but as usual, Erwin wished to have it all underlined at once. Which naturally led to him having a bit of a telling off as an aftermath. Robyn, as expected, had handled it well. Between her friend's pain and her Commander's wishes, she had treaded lightly, but firmly. When she had finished speaking, Levi saw real respect appear in Erwin's eyes. It likely wasn't the first time he had looked at Robyn like that, but it seemed like the first time she had ever noticed it. Even if she didn't fully understand it.

After the meeting, they filed out and headed for dinner or their own quarters. It seemed like Erwin had a lot of talking to do with Keza. The fiery woman had unnerved Levi at first, her unwavering nature and playful teasing had made him feel constantly on the back foot. But he had warmed to her. Not only was she a good friend to Robyn, she seemed good for Erwin as well. The whole regiment. She had come medical knowledge, and plenty of life experience to go around. In a way she had become a kind of mascot. Or perhaps that was too demeaning. She was well loved by all. That was the main thing.

Even if Erwin did fall prey to his own pride on the mission, Keza would be looked after. As long as she wanted a home at the Scouts, she would have it, though he doubted she would ever pick up a blade herself. As much as Levi hated to think of ever entering Erwin's office and not finding the man himself behind the desk. Commanders came and went. Levi knew this. It didn't mean he had to like it.

As they sat and ate dinner, the evening sunshine just catching along Robyn's hair, Levi found himself staring. The serum weighed heavily in his mind. It would be in his equipment. On his hip for the whole mission, waiting to be used. And the one person he couldn't use it on, was the main person he would want to save. But maybe that was the point. It wasn't about who he wanted to save, it was who he needed to save. He loved Robyn. Absolutely. Completely. But that didn't make her more important in the grand scheme of things. The bigger picture. That was what he needed to focus on. And yet it was sometimes the hardest thing to keep in mind.

She caught him staring. "Something wrong?"

"Uh, no… I just…"

She smiled softly. "Thinking about the Commander?"

"He'll not change his mind. Idiot that he is."

"Mm, guess you're right." She played with her food, pushing it around the plate with her fork. "So, if not that, what were you thinking about?"

"The serum."

She stopped playing. Raising her eyes to his and pursing her lips, an uneasy energy landed on her shoulders. It was a tricky subject. Not only had she nearly died from being injected with it, no doubt she understood how much he wished it might work if her life was in danger.

"What about it?" She swallowed hard. "You know you can't use it on me. Not even if it's a last resort."

He nodded. "I'm aware. I just wish I wasn't."

She winced. In all likeliness she probably wanted to scold that kind of thinking, to wish for ignorance because the truth was inconvenient. But she didn't. And he guessed he knew why. Because if the situation were reversed, she would be just as frustrated.

She sipped her water. "It's a lot to lay on your shoulders."

"Not much more than usual."

She frowned. "How're you going to even make that choice?"

"I won't know that until it comes. We can't predict a damn thing about any mission, especially this one." He sipped his tea. "Just…"

Involving her in the decision. He wasn't sure if it was the right thing or not. But then again, maybe he didn't need her involved too much. Just enough to keep him thinking clearly. Or… As clearly as possible when a comrade was laying there dying. Or more than one.

"Just…" She prompted, reaching to take his hand across the table.

He entwined their fingers, watching how the ends of her elegant fingers paled as she held on tight. He held on too. "Don't let me overlook things."

"What do you mean, Levi?"

"I mean if you're lying there dying… I can't promise I'll be able to think clearly." He lowered his tea, watching it ripple.

The honesty stung. Since being abandoned by Kenny, Levi had done all that he could to not be dependent on other people. That wavered with Isabel and Farlan. It trembled amongst his fellow Scouts. But it was obliterated by Robyn. Not only did he find himself depending on her, he found himself liking it. It felt good. It felt right.

She smiled and gave his hand another squeeze. "Don't worry, Captain. I'll keep you looking ahead."

Cya soon! ^-^