Hello! More shenanigans ahoy and new info gleaned from the books in the basement/vincents work.

On that note!

WARNING: I am majorly diverging from the canon end game events, as I've mentioned previously, but now we're actually getting to those bits. I do not personally like the direction the series went in past the end of Season 3. After that, when reading the manga and such, I just totally disconnected I'm afraid. More info in the end notes if you wish for the expansive part, but otherwise, just keep that in mind, we are going OFF ROAD people. You're reading a fanfiction, prepare for my own take on things lol!

Ceremonies were never my favourite. All of us gathered in our formal military attire, milling around some big dusty building, awaiting our 'awards' from the Queen. From Christa. Or Historia rather. I was still struggling to wrap my head around that, but I suppose I was at a bit of a disadvantage in not having witnessed even her coronation. Still, she was our Queen. I had to put that to the forefront of my mind, and not recall how she struggled to even get into the saddle of her horse at the training camp. It felt like a lifetime ago, and yet it had only been a few months. Lately our world had become more than just cruel, it had also given us flickers of hope, but generally it was just becoming a bit more insane.

The room was filling with people now, the gentle hum of conversation making the strange stone room seem a little less cold. Still, it was uncomfortable. So few Scouts were present for this, because so few had survived. And in all honesty, those of us that had, were still reeling.

Hanji had taken up the mantle of Commander officially now, and she would do an amazing job, but even so I could see her nerves. It was a lot. Beyond the duty itself, she had to follow in the footsteps of Erwin Smith. My only hope was that she realised sooner rather than later that she didn't need to outdo him, simply be the Commander herself.

Levi remained quiet. I think Keza had done a lot of good in reaching him, but the guilt remained. Not only had he lost a dear friend, but also the man who had led him since leaving the Underground. A cornerstone of Levi's life was gone. And at least in Levi's own mind, he had a large part to play in that loss. I did what I could, but regardless of our talks, we both knew it would simply take time. So while he took that time I would be nearby, to hold his hand, to do anything he needed of me. Be that coming closer or giving him space to breathe.

Eren and Mikasa had been detained for their misconduct on the mission, and while they were both apologetic for having been so brutal towards their Captain, neither of them regretted their decisions. I couldn't blame them. Their childhood friend was still alive, perhaps partially due to their efforts. It was a big win for them, I just hoped they also took some time from here on to rebuild bridges. Both Levi and Hanji had every right to be wary of them, because both Mikasa and Eren had put themselves above the creed of their superiors. Commander Erwin had entrusted the serum decision to Levi, and they had ignored that, demanding he heed their decision instead. Even so, I still smiled at them, still considered them a part of the Scouts. It was just a bruise that needed a little tending.

And then there was Armin.

The ongoing debate around his survival was hard enough to hear from the sidelines, so I could only imagine how hard it was hitting the boy himself. Or perhaps I should consider him a man now. They were all headed towards sixteen, which is hardly a grown age, but they had already been through so much it felt foolish to consider them children. Ever since he had come out of the infirmary, having been checked over by several doctors, he hadn't spoken much. His eyes remained low, and his lips tight. Guilt. Confusion. And likely a fair amount of uncertainty. He now had the Colossal Titan's power in his veins. Admittedly he had less confusion on that side of things than Eren had, we did at least have a little bit of understanding now about what a Shifter was. But it also came with the weight of that new information.

Beyond the revelations about there being more Humans beyond the walls, a whole other settlement in fact, the journals had revealed more as they were studied. There had been a few hints about the origin of Titans, but specifics on that nugget of information still remained elusive.

Our little group were gathered and ready for the ceremony to commence. Jean kept pacing and eying the rest of the room with suspicion, like he expected someone to attack. But I think he was just on edge for his friend. Him and Armin had never seemed overly close as far as I knew, but as it turned out, they often got paired during a battle situation. They had some serious history in the worst scenarios. I think it had brought up some protectiveness within Jean, to see so many people turning on Armin, simply for having been the one to survive. As a Scout, we all knew that guilt to some degree. Regardless, I was glad to see one of Armin's classmates so ardently stepping up to his defence.

Flock entered the room. Oh goody. He approached our group. We were still his regiment, even if he had declared himself disgusted by my Captain's decision. No one could blame him for being emotional on the battlefield. In the heat of the moment we were all victims to our panicked hearts sometimes, but this was beyond that. Flock had returned from the field, one of the lucky few to live. And now he lived in bitterness. Snarling, scowling, and at every opportunity sowing more seeds of doubt on the decision Levi had made. It made me sick. There was no point to it, other than causing pain. Surely we had endured enough of that?

He nodded to us all, and begrudgingly saluted Hanji. "So, we all ready to play the part?"

The rest of them winced, worn down and utterly wearied by his hatred by this point. Levi just stayed stoic in the corner. We both knew if he opened his mouth he would rip Flock to pieces, so my Captain was opting to stay silent. Armin had shrunken back, only slightly, but still. On the back foot, ashamed to even be breathing. I knew the pain well enough, and that it was not deserved.

Blocking his view of Armin, I stepped in front of Flock. "Enough."

"You're okay with being rewarded for this shitshow?" Flock scoffed, looking me up and down in derision, but me nothing but an itch in my hand to slap him. "This is bullshit. We know it. And he knows it. We're celebrating sealing Maria, sure. But we fucked up on so many other levels–"

"So don't make another one." I hissed, well aware that a few others in the room, from other regiments had already taken note of the argument. "Leave it alone. The decision has been made, and now we'll make the most of it."

"How?" Flock's grimace became a little smug. "We lost our Commander, and instead have this useless weed in his place."

"How about I measure your survival against those who fell?" I snapped and he winced back from me. "No? Because you got by on luck rather than someone else's decision? The dice landed, we dealt with the situation, and the Commander trusted Captain Levi to make the call. He made it. So if you're so fucking bent out of shape over the loss of your Commander, at least respect his wishes and stop mouthing off like a tantruming toddler."

"I'm allowed to be pissed."

"Of course you are, and if you keep this childish shit up, I'm allowed to sort you the fuck out." I jabbed him in the chest. "Be angry, that's fine. That's valid. But don't take it out on Armin, and don't you dare take it out on our Captain either. If you want someone to blame, go find that Ape shithead. He's your enemy. He's the one that threw boulders."

The ghosts had entered Flocks eyes. I didn't like to drag anyone back to their lowest point, but by now he should have cooled off. If he continued to refuse to see reason, to stop punishing Armin for being alive, and Levi for having made a choice, he needed someone to wake him up.

He glared. "Can't say it means much, them being defended by the Scout's own little murderer."

"Don't give a damn about your opinion of me either, Flock. Literally didn't even know your name until this past mission, doesn't stop me being a higher rank and right now, your best chance at not embarrassing yourself."

He scoffed. "Sorry bunch we're left as, isn't it. The Scouts, being defended by nothing but a murderer who couldn't even fend off the likes of Jack Sent–"

I flicked his forehead.

He blinked at me.

No doubt he expected a punch to the face, or to the gut. A kick to the balls maybe, or a dragging across the room. I could do any of them. All of them. Repeatedly. And oh boy oh boy did I fancy it. But he wasn't worth it. So all he got was a flick – even that was too much effort.

I flicked again. "Firstly, I did fend him off thanks very much. Secondly, shut the fuck up or get out, it's that simple at this point. We're almost ready to begin, can you stifle your verbal diarrhoea long enough to meet your queen?"

He wrinkled his nose. "You don't get to–"

Flick.

He jumped back, hand over the pinked spot on his forehead. "Would you stop that?"

"Sure, as long as you get over yourself."

He rubbed and rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

"Good boy, now then, I believe they're about to start playing those awful trumpets, so you might wanna cover your ears."

"Wha–ugh!" He flinched and the brassy notes bounced around the room, announcing our Queen's arrival. God damn did I hate those instruments.

Translations of the books continued. And with that came more revelations, and more hard truths to swallow. Then again, when does anything not do that? After another week of combing through the texts and cross-referencing between Dr Jaeger's journals and Vincent's, Hanji asked everyone to gather for a meeting. It felt strange to do so without the Commander. Then again, we are with the Commander, that's Hanji. My head hurt as much as my heart.

Once we were all gathered, she explained. Levi listened closely, grey eyes honed on Hanji the whole time. I myself couldn't look at her as she delved further into the sickening truths. Eren was wide eyed. Armin paced a little. Mikasa hugged herself tight, with Jean beside her doing the same. Connie looked ready to cry and Sasha was beside him, an arm around him. Flock had been invited, but had refused to attend. I think he's still pissy about things not going his way.

Still. We now knew more about the Titans and how they were made. Ymir, some distant ancestor of our people the Eldians, a slave to those of another human settlement called Marley, tapped into ancient magic to free herself, to protect herself, and thus the Titans began. Our nightmare began. Ever since, all that time ago, the people of Eldia (us apparently), had been caught in the cycle. Titan to human, then human to Titan. An endlessly refilling well of madness. We were technically immortal if you looked at it like that, but fuck it wasn't worth it. None of it was.

And King Fritz (some old bugger who split us off from the rest of humanity) wanted to keep it this way?!

I can't wrap my head around it yet.

Then again, I don't know that anyone here has either.

I swallowed hard and stared at my hands as the explanation finished. It was a cycle, a cycle connected to Ymir's initial connection to that strange magic; Titan, human, Titan, human. As each Titan was cut down, the person was reborn into our community again, somewhere. And as each human died, naturally or otherwise, new Titans were created. Endless. Ceaseless. Hanji's voice hung in the air, dripping all over the floorboards, dripping red. It began to spread to my hands. It pooled in my palms and oozed between my clasping fingers. So many people. Reborn and perhaps reborn again, cut down by our blades. But what was the alternative? Allow them all to gorge endlessly on those within the "human" part of the cycle were all gone and all we had left was Titans? It made no sense. Then again, this Ymir sounded like she had acted out of desperation. Panic. There had been no plan beyond survival. And we had that, albeit a twisted one.

Strawberry blonde hair crossed my memories. I shivered. Did that mean Petra was out there somewhere, wandering the plains of Maria as a Titan? Grinning inanely at the green world around her, not knowing how free she was, or how trapped. It seemed Levi had landed on a similar train of thought, at least judging by how pale he had become. His eyes met mine and we both flinched from the pain we saw reflected.

I licked my suddenly dry lips. "So… To stop all this, to defeat the Titans, we need to break the connection to Ymir? This source?"

Hanji nodded. "Correct. Though finding that nugget of information is going to be trickier than anything else. Obviously it's well hidden. Those in charge of our people, be it King Fritz or whoever was pulling his strings at the time, they wanted the power. They saw it as keeping us safe."

"Safe and trapped." I swallowed and stood on shaky legs. "We have to keep track of deaths within the walls better, to know, or at least to guess, at what kinds of numbers are out there beyond Maria."

Hanji took out her notebook. "Agreed. It might not be an exact swap, we only have very old records to go from here, but it couldn't hurt to keep track."

"I…" Levi cleared his throat and stood. "I can go inform the queen, if you wish?"

We all looked to him, but it seemed like he needed to be busy right now. That or he'd snap. I nodded to Hanji and she gathered her things. She would look after him.

"Sure thing, Levi, let's go."

"I'll be back soon." Levi dipped his head to me and I smiled softly. Whatever it was he needed to do to work through this, I would give him that time. And more. The door closed behind them and left the rest of us in a tense quiet. Where the hell do we go from here?

Eren smoothed his hair back and drew a deep breath. "Guess this might be a good a time as any… Though, Robyn can you tell the Commander and Captain Levi, later?"

"Depends what it is." I glanced at the door. "Why say it once they're gone?"

Mikasa hugged herself tightly. "Because it's personal as well as important."

I tilted my head. "You want me to go too? I'm flattered at the idea of you including me, but seems like it might be something to discuss with only the near and dear–"

"It affects you too." Mikasa bit her lip. "Potentially. That's a… Foggy point."

"All right, that's suitably ominous… Spill."

Eren clasped his hands tightly. "More memories from my Father have been coming back. And one… Well it's kind of put a new timer on things."

I looked at Mikasa, watching how her eyes began to shine. Armin had begun to tremble.

Eren continued. "As part of the toll the Shifting takes on the human body, each Shifter… They uh… They only have 13 years of the power before it… Before it…"

He didn't want to say it. To admit it. Something awful, unfair, unjust. It was in the tightness of his jaw, the way his eyes shone with unshed tears, the whitening of his knuckles. Oh.

I swallowed hard. "Before it kills them?"

He nodded and closed his eyes. "So I only have maybe eight or so left."

"Sh-Shit." I clamped my hands over my mouth. So even if we did break the cycle and stop this madness, Eren would be dead within a decade. Barely begun to live. Tears welled and spilled, rolling down my cheeks. "Eren, I'm so sorry."

"I've got time to appreciate it." He cleared his throat as his voice clogged. "But it's you I'm worried about."

"Me?" I wiped my eyes, only then feeling a chill run along my spine. I wasn't a proper Shifter, not when it came to actually having the ability. All I had was whatever Vincent had cobbled together in a basement. There was no telling if I would have the same time limit, or more, or more likely less. "Oh."

Eren likely only had 8 or so years left to live, and now Armin had 13 hanging over his head.

But I'm not a regular shifter.

For one thing, I didn't have a Titan form.

For another, my body rejected the healing so thoroughly it had almost killed me due to fever and illness.

And lastly, it was a fabrication at the hands of Vincent. I wasn't one of Ymir's special Titan forms, I'm some ragdoll. And I bloody doubt the origin of the other Shifters was some mad bastard in a basement. Their powers seemed more realised, more certain. So did that mean I had less time? Or more? And when did it start the countdown if there was one? Had it started when my healing kicked in due to the Female Titan attack? Had my 13 years started to slide through the glass?

Eren tugged on his hair a bit. "So far there's nothing concrete about my Father working alongside yours. I keep trying to find it, to reach back specifically for that but… But it doesn't seem to work that way."

"Vincent might have drugged your father to forget." I shrugged, feeling a numbness creep along my veins. "I suppose your timer started when you were injected? When you made the transformation the first time?"

Eren nodded. "Seems so."

"I've never transformed. Not even sure I can… But I suppose I never healed myself back from the brink of death until recently either. So maybe…"

Armin sniffed. "Maybe your timer has started now."

"No real way to know, I guess." I sighed, scraping my hair back, mind landing immediately on Levi's face.

How before Maria, sat in that little tea shop, we'd talked of the future, of a life beyond the madness of our war. Would I even see it? I could only have thirteen years left. Or less. But that was just it… None of us knew how long we'd live. I chuckled and put a hand over my mouth as more laughter followed. They all eyed me.

I shrugged again. "Since when do Scouts expect to live beyond their next mission? This doesn't… This doesn't change that."

"No," Eren came over and took my hands in his, kneeling before me. "But it does mean that even if you do survive those missions, and we do break the cycle, you might die anyway."

"Might."

He smirked. "You guys better pay up."

Mikasa half laughed, half sobbed. "Shut up, Eren."

I looked between them. "What?"

He grinned. "I knew you wouldn't be disheartened. You'd cling to that uncertainty. It's just you. Mikasa figured you'd freak about all that potential future being ripped away."

I got up and went to Mikasa, cupping her face and then wiping her eyes. "You're sweet to worry, but at this point, I expected to be dead at least twenty times over. I'm doing fine."

"So you'll tell the Captain?" Eren asked, standing and looking to me imploringly. "I can tell the Commander but… I don't know that I can tell the Captain about you."

It was sweet of Eren to be so concerned, but then I saw all their faces wearing that same worried concern. Did they think Levi would lash out or something?

Jean stood and put a hand on my shoulder. "You hardly hid it at the cabin, did you? We can see how much you both care for each other. The Captain… Hell he'll probably out live us all. But the idea of him outliving you that much? It's beyond sad."

"You're all very sweet, but… Let's not go planning my funeral just yet. Right now, we have an actual timer for Eren and Armin. And I'm not accepting that it's a done deal. You two are not dying before you've fucking lived."

He wore a sorry smile. "Guess you got that part right, Armin."

"Knew it." Armin nodded, that familiar determination lighting his blue eyes, so similar to the late Commander's. I continued to dither on whether that was a good thing or not. As long as they kept on shining, I suppose that was the point.

They all filed out and left me to contend with the news properly. No, Scouts didn't expect to live long. But I was a fool as well as a Scout, and sat there having tea with Levi, us both admitting we didn't know how to live as anything but soldiers, a part of me, the same part now quivering with rage, had wanted to find out. My future. Something I had never really thought of; as a child it had just been another day to be struck, as a teenager it had been another day to fulfil a promise, as a soldier it had been another day survive. With Levi… It had held possibilities. A house maybe. A life. The domestic to and fro of the mundane.

I wanted to scream, at nothing in particular, but to unleash this outrage from within me. Hadn't I fought hard enough? Helped enough? Done enough? Apparently not, apparently I was destined for nothing but an uncertain ticking clock. I tried to focus on my breathing, but eventually just sank to my knees and put my head in my hands. And I cried. Maybe it was weak, maybe it was foolish, but dammit I sobbed until my throat was raw and my eyes were burning. Because I could. Right now, I had that luxury, so on I wept.

But once those tears dried I had to think, I had to plan.

How the hell was I going to tell Levi…?

I might die in thirteen years.

Or this damned work of Vincent's could claim me tomorrow.

Shit… Levi… I'm so sorry.

Thank you for reading! Cya next week!

SHOUTOUT:

Bechilldarling: Glad you're still enoying, your review was on chpt 33, so if you ever get this far, I appreciate the input! Thank you!

Note on why I'm diverging from Canon, for anyone that's missed it previously:

I found the continuation of the story, beyond season 3's ending, to be a bit... meh. New characters who I had no real care for, parallels being shoved into place that didn't really work, tonal shift to say the least, and a fair amount of the main cast had to become a bit daft in order for things to even work out. (Example: Levi suddenly allowing wine to be drunk on a mission, walking away from Zeke instead of killing him in order to permit Zeke the time to fleeeee in the other direciton. Oh, and standing right beside an explosive device... This is very dumb and very OOC for the strategic captain we had seen up to these points, in my opinion.) There are other things I take issue with as well, but yeah, I took that point onwards as a total breaking of the promises made in the opening seasons, not to mention the direction the titans themselves take, and it seemed like the writer/creator simply wanted to write something else, but contract dictated he couldn't lol.

Just my thoughts. Not saying I'm right. But as this is my fanfiction, I'm gonna write the ending how I would have liked to see it go, or at least in the kinda direction! So yes, I know it isn't canon that it's a cycle in such a one for one way, it's MY own version of proceedings. And I know that there wasn't other settlements and now there's only 2 left, that's MY interpretation. Not naming names but my dears, take a deep breath and go touch some grass.

If that's not okay with you, that's valid! Feel free to go rewatch/reread the source material! I sincerely wish you joy with it, it's just not my cuppa tea. Ok, last time I'm gonna bugger about explaining this. From here on, we be in my imagination! To a degree...