Ta dah, another week another update. BIG chapter for you this week! Enjoy!

ROBYN POV

I forced my eyes open. The room was my own, I think. The light was dim, pre-dawn filtering under my curtains and some birdsong in the distance. How long had I been out? My mouth was dry. Someone was still holding my hand, tight and steady. I looked. It was Eren. Asleep with his head on the mattress, a blanket over his shoulders. I groaned against the hang-over feeling and failed to sit up, barely managing a wriggle. I flexed my face and thankfully found it free to move. But everything else was cold to my command. This was beyond weird. And then came the shiver of fear. The awareness of being so wholly helpless. Anything could happen and I'd just have to lie there and take i–

Stop. Stop that. Wake Eren up. Speak to him. Anything but this train of thought.

"Hey, Eren?" I sounded like a chain smoker – partially the dry throat and perhaps a little the fear that had begun to choke me. Silly really, I was perfectly safe in the Scouts. I had Eren right there. He would protect me against anything. Still, my heart was hammering and my lungs ached, like they prepared for a sprint.

But all that faded as Eren shot upright, alert and angry, but then he saw me awake and relief took over from the rest. He blinked. He enveloped me in a hug. "Robyn."

"I'm sorry, kid."

"Apology not accepted," he mumbled into my hair. I sighed and nuzzled his head with mine, it being all I could manage. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I couldn't… It was all part of the plan."

"Shitty plan." He mumbled, still not moving.

"I'm so sorry, kid, really. But you're a shit liar, Eren. I wanted to tell you, but this was the only way. They told you quickly, right?"

"Jean had to kick me a couple times to get me to listen, but yeah they told me, as soon as we were out of earshot. Him and the Commander told me everything." He breathed and sat back. "I was fucking terrified."

"Really? Couldn't tell, you've got such a good poker-face."

"Shut up. I'm still angry at you, you aren't allowed to mock me yet."

"Fair." I blushed. "How long have I been out?"

"A week. Hanji was getting pretty worried she'd messed up the dosage or something. But your heart was strong and your breathing, so it was just a case of waiting."

"Fuck… So… Have they got anywhere?"

He didn't look all that keen to answer, but as I stared at him imploringly, he took pity. He scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah. Seems promising. They sent Keza down and the Captain almost bust right through the bars to snap her neck. But then she laid a couple hints that you might not be dead, to test the resolve of his return to normal. It seemed to work, he just got angrier. It seems your death was either convincing enough, or painful enough, to break their hold. So basically you saved him."

"After condemning him." I bit my lip.

"Just enjoy the victory for ten minutes?"

"Sorry…"

I could see it all so clearly. Those moments leading to the breaking point. A cold smirk on his lips as he watched me drink – eyes empty as he presented the deadly brew. Not even a tremor as he held out my supposed death. Nothing but determination lay in his face. I'd been screaming in my head, demanding he regret it, begging for him to come back before the grief took over. But it didn't. I watched him celebrate my demise.

I cleared my throat. "Did Hanji happen to mention when this paralysis might properly wear off?"

"She said she was hoping by today, so shouldn't be long. Just be patient, and endure it while I give you a proper telling off."

"Yes, sir."

Eren stayed with me, and berated me, but eventually he couldn't keep the smile off his face. Despite his huffing, he knew how necessary it had been. But my guilt was genuine; I could only imagine how I'd feel if I thought Eren had died. The kid had so much to give this world, so much fight in him. As soon as I could move my arms I pulled him into a long and strong hug, ensuring he knew my heart was beating. Not just for him, but for everyone that gave a damn. Which these days was a surprising number. The lonely little girl scrubbing around in the streets on her lonesome was a faint memory. I was loved.

Apparently Keza had been given word of the plan's success, in so far as I was still alive and Levi was broken from the control, but for now she was staying at the orphanage. I knew she would want to stay busy. She could be impatient at the best of times, and she didn't want that to get in the way of this recovery. I could respect that. I'd have to write her a letter.

Eren helped me sit up and got me some breakfast, staying after to sit on the end of my bed, legs crossed as he leaned against the wall. I didn't understand him at all these days. One minute he looked like such a man, a grown soldier ready to kill. But at that moment, with his messy brown hair fluffed from sleeping oddly, grinning at me as I ate a little food and drank my coffee, he was a kid.

It was half way through the afternoon when my legs started to reawaken, and I could wiggle my toes. The whole day Eren knew what I was eager to ask more about Levi's condition, specifics, but Eren wasn't willing to bring up the subject for me. I bit my tongue though. I could wait. Maybe. I had to wait on Hanji giving me the okay to move about anyway, so when she arrived, I was keen to get things moving.

She checked me over and smiled. "You seem to be back to normal, kiddo. Feel okay in the head?"

"As okay as I ever do, yeah." I swung my legs towards the floor. There was no numbness left, no tingling, all normal.

I stood carefully and let things settle. Meanwhile, I gave Hanji a side-glance and raised my brows. She looked to Eren and sighed. Yup, I was using her as a way round the elephant in the room. It was getting cramped.

"Yeah kiddo, Levi's doing great. At least… As far as being free of their control."

Shit. Well that was about as good as I could hope for.

It was so clear in my head. After the realisation hit, Hanji having announced me as dead, Levi dropped to his knees, gripping his head as he stared at my corpse. Eyes wide. Teeth grit. Like every bone in his body was being broken all at once, so much pain blazed from his usually calm eyes. He shook his head. Tears shone and spilled.

I pulled on a jumper as I shivered. "Oh."

"Mm, obviously he's in bits otherwise… Then again he does think he murdered you. Levi has done a lot of stuff in his life, we all know he has a pretty shady past, but this is different."

"Thanks Hanji… I think."

"But it's been long enough, we can trust that our stunt worked to a certain degree. We'll do a couple more checks, but as soon as you feel able, you can go see him."

Eren glared. He angled himself between me and her protectively. I bit back my retort, after all he wasn't doing any harm. It was annoying, but he'd been put through a lot as well. He looked ready to kick off, so I just gave Hanji a pleading look. Clearly I needed to talk to the boy.

Hanji pushed her glasses back up her nose and smiled gently, looking fixedly at me and ignoring Eren. "We've run all the questions and testing we can, but really we need you there in front of him to know for sure. Then we can move onto you asking trigger questions. Unless he goes berserk right away… Then we'll have to rethink."

"Of course."

It would be so much worse, wouldn't it? Seeing him break free, seeing the true emotion of my Captain to only then watch that control fall back over him. For those strings to reattach. Please. Please don't let it be that way. For once, give my Captain some peace. Humanity still needed him, and as much as I did as well, I could be taken out of the equation. And I think somewhere deep in this husk of myself, there was still enough courage to try that.

I cleared my throat. "If he does revert, I'll leave."

I help Hanji's gaze as she pursed her lips.

Eren spun round disbelief in his eyes. "You can't just give i–"

"He's been in a cage long enough." I spoke calmly, but firmly. My expression composed, not blank or empty, but composed. It didn't frighten him, it just annoyed him. My hands shook. "Eren, it isn't fair to treat him like this, the man has done so much for this regiment, for humanity, for the cause. Hell… He's done a lot for you."

"I know…"

"I won't have him treated like a beast."

"But we can't—"

"Lose me?" I interrupted. "Yes you can. I don't make or break your life, Eren, I make or break nothing. Plus, me leaving would be no different to me dying out there beyond the walls during a mission. Except if I simply left, I'd be able to write to you all, to keep helping humanity, to keep fighting."

His shoulders sagged as he stared at the floor.

Hanji smiled and polished her glasses; I knew she wasn't keen on my talk of leaving, but I wasn't being melodramatic about it anymore. It was just a simple truth. If that was what had to happen, then it would happen. A small part of me hoped she had maybe grown to respect my decision. I still hadn't had the chance, or the nerve, to speak to her about the fact she'd kept her knowledge of my 'other' injuries to herself, but it hardly seemed to matter. It was something that would haunt me, and she had simply bought me a few months of ignorance. Really it was a gift. And she had simply hoped it wouldn't ever come back. I could respect that hope, as I had my own for Levi.

I laid a hand on Eren's shoulder. "Don't go despairing on me now. I'm not saying I'll definitely leave, but it's an option to consider. We'll do the tests, we'll see if we can bring him back with me being here, however should this fail? That's it. No more games, no more lies, no more experimenting."

Eren didn't like it. Not one bit. But the fact was, this world was cruel. Sometimes we just had to bite the bullet and get on with it. Hanji saw my resolve and didn't argue – beyond anything else, it couldn't be decided here and now, we had to see how Levi reacted. Regardless, my Captain was not an animal, and he was too damned useful to be kept in a cage. That was wrong, and I would do anything to correct it. Beyond anything of duty, he had to be given the chance to live again. And he couldn't do that in captivity.

So perhaps the solution would be me leaving. To take myself out of the equation for the sake of him being able to walk freely, to feel that sun on his skin again. I owed that to my Captain. To Levi. To the man that had fought with everything he had to step out of the Underground and into the light, into the world with open skies. Where he could fly. That man wouldn't be caged for the likes of me. Not after everything we had been through, apart and together. Though it was still wrong, wasn't it? All of it. The fact I even had to think like this. Red. I shook my head, the anger at myself, at the team, the world for putting such a decision before me. My eyes grew warm. Burning. All of it, the pain, the wounds, the smoke that never really left my lungs. I tried to take a deep breath, it taking a few attempts and a quick perch on the end of the bed. My hands shook. My hands, that had always been soaked in… Blood. My mother's, John's… I couldn't let them also be soaked in Levi's. He was alive. And he had to be allowed to live. Either way.

Stop. Breathe. Think.

Eren and Hanji were watching me closely, but I just took a sip of water and let the ripples in my mind settle. My skin stopping itching, my eyes no longer felt ready to well with tears, and my heart slowed. Perhaps an after effect of the drug. Perhaps my emotions getting the better of me as usual.

"I'm okay. And I… I'm okay to do it, let's try."

I changed into my civilian clothing. As we walked along the corridor, Eren walked behind me, sticking close but silent all the way. The door down to the cells loomed. But as I reached for the handle, I stopped. Eren had to stay away. At least for now. Nothing could be accomplished with him looming, glaring and baring his teeth. Even as I turned to him, he looked ferocious.

He met my gaze and faltered, a blush appearing on his cheeks. "Robyn, don't even think it. I'm going down there with you."

"No you're not." I smiled. "Eren? The Commander will be there, the bars are solid iron, and I'll be careful. We need to do this, we need to find out if he's back or… well… Or if we need to explore other options."

"I just want to protect you."

"That's admirable, and I appreciate the concern, however I can look after myself, Eren. It might not have seemed like it lately, but I can get by. Go get some food and proper rest, they'll come get you if anything bad happens. Which it won't."

He didn't look happy but he also clearly knew he wasn't going to win. So he sighed and walked away with hands balled into fists.

Hanji stayed quiet. I was setting the pace here. Drawing a deep breath, I turned to the door and laid my hand against the wood. My heart was calm. I think my body was entering battle mode. Made sense. Whichever way this went, my Captain would be free. Or at least on the road to it. I smiled at Hanji. She nodded and led the way down the stairs.

The dark of the cells swamped us and the faint glow of lanterns took over. The burnt smell of lantern oil and musk of unmoving air filled my lungs. Pacing sounded in the first cell, steady but agitated. The Commander paused at the bottom of the stairs, looked to me with an encouraging smile and headed over to stand in front of the cell in question. I stayed out of sight. The pacing paused only briefly. Nothing more than a 'Tch' as response. Well that seemed fairly normal for my Captain. Then again, he had seemed fine when assuring us all he was okay before being released the first time, after making his supposed deal with Keza. I bit my lip. Would he freak out again? Demand my blood? Or would he simply accept I was alive, and then look away in disgust. It was a lot that I'd put him through. It was a lot to look past. I wasn't sure he could do that, and I wasn't sure I could expect him to.

Even if he was past the murderous rage they had implanted in his mind. That didn't mean we would return to what we had been. Of course I hoped for that, and his pain at seeing my passing certainly indicated affection – but it was a different thing to think you'd lost someone, to actually returning to loving them again. I wouldn't assume anything. I couldn't. When it came down to it, I had been saved and he had been abandoned. No, it wasn't my fault, but it was an easy pit to pull resentment from. I wouldn't blame him for that. Not at all. We all had to heal in some way, and if I had to be an outlet for his anger, then fine. I would do so from afar. Who knows, maybe eventually he would be able to move past it, to speak to me again, to not loathe the sight of me. Maybe. Or I was overthinking and he would be just as desperate to hold me as I was to hold him. No idea. And not much point spiralling into 'maybe' territory I suppose.

I shook my head and stopped biting my lip. This was Levi. My Captain. Humanity's Strongest. He wasn't some wounded puppy; he'd been to hell and back, but really it was just a momentary revisit. We'd all been through hell, we'd all come out the other side bruised but functioning. He was in good health, he would be okay. I closed my eyes and smiled. I could do this.

Without a sound I approached, but stayed out of sight, hidden by the dividing wall of the cell. Hanji would do a few last checks before I revealed myself as alive.

Which way would the coin fall…?

LEVI POV

The door to the cells had opened and steps descended. Probably Hanji again with a guard on hand just in case, though only because Levi had demanded it. She came alone the first time. He could barely believe how naive she had acted. After all, long gone was the comrade she had once known, now he was nothing but a murderer. At least, in his own eyes. Everyone else seemed all too keen to look past that fact. And every time they tried to ease his guilt he only drove it further in himself. To deny it was to deny Robyn's importance. She was dead because of him. And that couldn't be ignored.

Hanji stepped into view, her one lens gleaming in the dim light of a lantern.

Levi shook his head. "What is it this time, Glasses? We've been through all this, just get out."

He didn't want to hear another platitude. Another plea to talk. None of it mattered; what had been done to him, why, how they could move forward. None of it. The bastards had won and Robyn was lying in the earth somewhere. Trapped. Dead.

Hanji sighed. "Levi, you've got to listen to me. You weren't in your right mind. You didn't mean to—"

"Stop." He paced harder, the movement helping ease the want to lash out in some way. He hadn't felt such impulses since his Underground days. When outlandish violence was the only way to prove oneself – at least, before he learned another way with Farlan. But that was just it. Levi felt he was losing grasp on all of it, on everything good, and it felt justified. He had let them all down. Not just Robyn, but Isabel, Farlan, even his mother. It wasn't worthwhile. None of it. Not when someone like Robyn was murdered on the whim of a sadistic lie. He sucked in a breath between clenched teeth. "Don't say it. I can't… I just fucking can't. No matter how you dress it up, I did it."

"Debatable."

"I killed her, Hanji. You saw me. I was weak, and I let them use me. Nothing will fix that."

"Lev—"

"Cut the shit!" He hissed, voice cracking. "I know you wanna tap into the stuff Erwin did when I lost them back then, Glasses, I know you do. But it's not the same. It's not. This isn't a mission where a Titan caught the wrong person, where some mindless beast consumed a comrade or friend. I can't pretend this is something I don't regret. I can't just keep going like before. I've done that before, too many fucking times. But I'm done. I will not pretend like she never existed."

Hanji frowned. "I'd never ask you to."

"Then stop trying to make me feel better."

"But you've got to consider that—"

"I swear if you say, she'd want me to keep going…"

"And what if she would?"

He sighed. "I got in too deep, and was selfish enough to drag her in as well. Because of that…"

It was so easy to look back on all those times he had managed to resist giving in, on keeping his feelings inside and unknown. They were the right choice. But then he had to be selfish. He reached out. He cursed her to be dragged down into his mess. The White Cloaks might have been after her via him, but they used him to kill her. Simple.

He cleared his throat. "Because of that she's dead."

Looking to Hanji, she flinched back a little. He hadn't seen her do that since Isabel and Farlan had fallen, since she tried to dry him off after the torrential rain, since he first realised she actually cared. Whatever she saw in his eyes in those cells, it was the same kind of haunted look he had worn then. He felt their deaths had been on his hands because of his allowance of them coming onto the mission. But this? This wasn't via proxy. It wasn't a side effect. It was direct. His hands were soaked in Robyn's blood.

Still, Hanji rallied. "She knew what she was getting into. You know she did. She wanted to be with you."

"That doesn't excuse me. Just get this over with and ki—"

"Do you remember any of their faces?" The Commander asked calmly, but sternly.

The commanding role had definitely taken over in that moment. The way her brown eye tightened at his words, he knew she would be trembling with rage, always so open with her emotions. He knew she would never execute him. But he would keep asking. It was the only thing that made sense. Not only had he killed the woman he loved, but he had killed a fellow Scout in cold blood.

She adjusted her glasses. "The ones that did this? Do you remember what they looked like?"

"Not yet."

"Then all the more reason not to not just get this over with."

"Tch." She would always find a loophole. He scuffed the stonework. "Have you caught that so-called friend Keza yet?"

"Yes."

"But not killed?" He pushed, eager to confront that terrible woman. So called best friend. Robyn had always spoken so highly of Keza, so warmly. The woman Erwin had married. And yet it had been Keza to hand over the means of killing Robyn. She had held it for so long. Ready to strike. She couldn't be trusted.

Hanji smirked. "I thought you'd want a strong word with her first, Captain Levi."

"Mm… but don't call me that. I'm no Captain." He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, the weight of his actions wearying his bones. "Hanji…"

"Levi?"

"Why… Why're you talking to me?"

She looked almost wounded.

He swallowed. "Why're you still coming down here? How can you even look at me? I murdered her. I am a killer. I know you cared for her, beyond a fellow Scout, she was your friend. You should be—"

"I have my reasons, Captain." The Commander glanced to the side and he heard the shifting of boots.

Levi gave an impatient huff. "What does that mean?"

"Try and stay calm, Shorty."

Levi was ready to turn away and simply lie down again, when the steps approached. "Again, what the fuck does that mean, Glasses?"

"I'll let her explain." The Commander stepped to the side slightly.

The steps grew closer, and he watched the space intently. Whatever new game Hanji was playing, he wouldn't indulge her, he wouldn't allow her to hoodwink him into anything–

Robyn.

She stepped into view, clearly shivering, but very much alive. A careful smile played along her red lips, and her hazel eyes met his as they shone against the lantern's glow. Silence. It hung heavy in the air, only the occasional pop from the damp air hitting the lanterns sounded for at least a minute. He swallowed. Initially fear reared its head, like he was being presented with an actual ghost. That she was haunting him. But it quickly passed into the realm of confusion. How was she there? A blush on her cheeks, hair flowing down to her slight shoulders, auburn shades so fiery with those tantalising flecks of gold. He looked her up and down. She was alive? Thinner, a little shaken all over, but alive.

Shaking his head, he took a couple cautious steps forward. He glanced to Hanji, but she was just grinning, her own tears flowing freely.

He reached the bars, gripping them tight, letting the rust bite his palms. "Hanji… I've finally fucking snapped."

She laughed softly. "Not yet, buddy."

"But…"

"She's real. She's alive and well."

"H-How?"

He saw her drink. Watched her fall. Saw the light leave her eyes, heard the last breath rattle from her lungs, felt the warmth leave her body as she was cradled in his arms, limp and lifeless.

Hanji explained. All the while, Robyn's gaze never left Levi's. The Commander took him through the whole situation piece by piece, like she was holding the hand of a frightened child. And she couldn't have been more right. He was terrified to hope. Any second, he would wake in his cell bunk, covered in a cold sweat, to a world in which Robyn was still dead. But no. He didn't wake. She was still there, breathing, smiling, doing her best not to tear up as she quivered.

Hanji's explanation ended, and silence retook the cells for a few moments.

Then the Commander stepped forward. "Do you understand, Levi?"

"I… In… In a sense." He looked down, guilt swelling up beside the relief as the truth sunk in. He hadn't killed her, but she was well aware of how much he had wanted to. Right up to the point of actually doing it. He hadn't managed to break their hold on him in time. Or at all. She had saved him. He was beyond weak – not because he had to have Robyn save him, hell no, he was honoured she would want to try, but weak because he had failed to break the White Cloaks hold. He had failed to hold onto what he and Robyn had.

Hanji cleared her throat. "I'll leave you two alone."

"Is someone nearby?" He asked without looking up.

"There's a guard stationed outside."

"Ready to do what's needed if I act out?"

"It won't come to that. Good luck." Hanji ascended the stairs and the door closed.

A bubble of tension surrounded them. He could feel her staring still, both of them frozen in place. He gripped the bars tighter. It would bruise, but he needed the pinches of pain to stop him losing his grip on everything else. So many things to say, to apologise for, to beg. But she was too good for that. For him. She had saved him with her sacrifice, and that would be it. The spell was broken. She had no need for him anymore, he couldn't protect her, couldn't keep her safe, couldn't defend her against their cruel world. What use was he?

Still, her silence hurt more than any torture.

"Say something." He whispered. She made a small choked noise, but failed to manage actual words. He sighed. "Please say something."

"Do you hate me?" She gasped, slamming her mouth shut again so hard her teeth clicked.

He looked up with disbelief. Tears brimmed her beautiful bright eyes, her frame was practically convulsing with her shivers, and her fingers trembled as she raised them to her lips, like she wanted to restrain any more words. Like she was afraid of his disapproval.

His heart ached. "You can't think I do."

She pursed her lips tighter, hands clenching by her side.

He shook his head. "Those things I said… Robyn, it wasn't… I wasn't…"

"I-I… I know."

"Then why would I…?" He shook his head again, it made no sense. What had she cooked up in that head of hers that would make her fear that outcome? Hate her?

She sucked in a breath and he watched her crumble. "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, Levi. There's nothing I can do to make it right, I know that, I fucking know it and I hate it. I left you behind, I failed. I-I didn't manage t-to—and so you were left there. You asked me to k– but I couldn't, and then you had to endure their shit. I-I– and I—"

"Robyn."

Her mouth closed.

He had seen it as the memories returned, as his world from the past six months became clear to him in that cell.

The moment he woke in that strange chamber he had known it was bad, there was no way to determine where they were or how long they had been there. Robyn was still out of it, lying against him as if she had simply fallen asleep after lunch. And then came their captors. She had clung to him so tightly, kissed him so fiercely. Her body was wrenched back like his, pulled apart as they fought to stay together. It was some sick game he didn't know the rules of yet.

"Levi!" She had screamed, hauling her shoulder free from one thug and punching another. His brilliant Robyn. His own scuffle had been with five others, their filthy hands pinning him to the dirt. He watched her fall, beaten to the earth by three thugs with malicious sneers on their unshaven faces. They would pay. Every single one of them.

But as she met his gaze, a coldness settled into his gut.

It was pointless. They were outnumbered. And then he felt the injection.

He yelled to her. "Don't give them anything, Robyn! They'll just kill you! Just—gnh." He groaned, movements growing sluggish as the drug took hold. The room swam and his skin felt on fire. Was it a serum like the ones they had tried to get to Robyn? How would it work with his blood? Would he shift?

She was there in the next moment, touching his forehead, flinching back from the heat. He tried to stop whatever was happening. The strange tightening of his muscles. The ache of his bones. Like something terrible wanted to be unleashed. He grabbed her wrist. She gasped. No doubt he was holding too tight, but he couldn't stop.

"Hide." He begged.

"What?" She whimpered, struggling against him. "Levi please, what did they do? How can I help? Please, how do I—"

"Run."

His body felt filled with flames, and rage. He assumed it had to be a serum, some new concoction they were trying out on him for some deranged reason. But he couldn't turn into a Titan. Not in that chamber. Not when she didn't even have the means to defend herself. Unless she could figure something out. She always did. That was what Robyn did. Survive. So he said it, his final plea if his fate was to be a pure Titan for the next however many years…

"Run, Robyn, and kill me if you have to."

It was a blur of pain and noise after that, but the transformation never took. His blood wasn't compatible probably. Or something else shitty like that. Eventually she made her way back to him, appearing above him with her face panicked as his body rejected the serum. She held him, cradling him as he convulsed and vomited. But she wouldn't be told otherwise. She was there for him. Tending to him. When all he could do was suffer. He kept trying to beg her to run, to get to safety, to get out. But she refused.

Despite the tears rolling down her face, she had been so determined, holding him close as she bared her teeth. "I love you. I love you, Levi. And no matter what these fuckheads do to us, that doesn't change, okay? You hear me? H-Hold onto that."

He tried to hold onto her hand, but he was too weakened. "R… Rb..yn…"

"That's right, Levi." She kissed his forehead, it feeling like fresh snow against the fever. "Your Robyn. Just don't forget that, okay? Don't let them break that, or you."

And some small part of that must have held onto those words, because he didn't know how else he had made it through the rest. The drugs. The mind games. The beatings. The madness. But somewhere deep down in his cynical heart he had known her love. He had felt her determination. She saved him long before she put that poisoned cup to her lips.

But now, in the cells, she was riddled with guilt.

He had been kept prisoner for six months and she saw that as her fault.

The want to cast it aside as foolish was strong, but he knew it wouldn't be much different if their roles were reversed.

He breathed deep. "I shouldn't have asked you to kill me." He made himself meet her eye, because he knew avoiding it would only be making her assume he was angry. He wasn't. He was ashamed. "I'd have rather had you kill me than I you. It was selfish."

"But–"

"You didn't leave me. The Scouts saved you, and I'll always be grateful that they did."

She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath, it rattling past her unvoiced sobs. He hesitated, but slowly reached out, grazing his fingertips along her porcelain cheek. So soft, warm and alive. Delicate touches. Loving touches. Their real reunion.

She smiled and opened her eyes, leaning into the touch. "I love you, Levi."

Everything in him cringed back at the shame of it all. As if he could deserve those words after everything he had done, and failed to do. But his self loathing could be dealt with later. Right now, she needed to know how he felt. And he had to be open with her. He owed her that much, and so much more.

"I love you too." He played with an errant strand of her hair.

"We'll get through this." She sniffed, clenching her jaw tight. "You won't be in those cells for much long–"

"You need to look after yourself, brat. You look half-starved." He had to change the subject. Freedom wasn't an option until he knew he wouldn't hurt her, until he could be certain of that, he'd never let himself step outside those bars. He dropped his hand.

"Yes, sir." She half laughed, half sobbed. "I just haven't been able to stomach much. Not knowing was… I-I didn't even remember our goodbye."

"Guess they didn't want you to spoil their fun…" He looked her over, but of course her uniform left everything to the imagination. "Has everything they did to you healed?"

"Yes, just more scars added to the pile. What about you?"

"Brat, I'm fine." He sighed tiredly, but she shook her head.

"They beat the shit out of my body, but they fucked with your mind. That's not the same, Levi." Desperation entered her voice, tackling his pride just how she likely intended. She stepped forward. "Let me help… Please."

"Robyn–"

"Let me do that at least. Let me help you feel." She laced her fingers through his and kissed the back of his hand.

He leaned against the bars, the touch so simple but something he had been needing despite being afraid to have it. "D-Don't."

"Levi I want to help–"

"I won't risk being any closer to you than this. I… I can't hurt you again."

"You won't."

"I might."

She sighed.

He glared and dropped her hand.

A worried expression passed her face. "Levi?"

"I might not have actually done it, Robyn. But I thought I did, I believed I was killing you."

She had to know that, to believe it and accept it. No, it hadn't been real, and yes it had broken the White Cloaks hold on him. But they didn't know if it was a permanent break. They had no idea. And he wouldn't risk it. Risk her.

She swallowed. "I know but—"

"I still handed you that tea, and watched you drink it. I think I even smiled at the sight. Doesn't that bother you? Doesn't that scare you?" His hand shook and he backed up to the opposite wall. His breathing was hard. "It fucking terrifies me."

"Of course it scares me, I'm not a total dumbass." She leaned against the bars, looking at him imploringly. "But so far there's no sign of their control still being there. We'll be careful Levi, I promise. Hanji will be right here as I go through potential trigger questions."

"In case I lose it?" He spoke bitterly.

"In case I choose to ignore any warning signs."

He looked up.

She blushed. "Levi, with you gone and no memory, these months have been far from my finest hour."

"Hanji said you'd been taking down Titan's as good as, if not better, than I ever did."

"Oh sure, I've been killing, training and working my ass off. But that's it. It's fucking pathetic but I couldn't do anything but stay busy. Otherwise I'd start wondering about you, about what more I could have done, about how much you would loathe me for leaving you, about the damned guilt…" She thumped her head of the bars. "So the idea of finally having you back? Might well cloud my judgement."

He stared at the stonework. "You can read me better than anyone, brat."

"But I also seek out the best in you."

"True…" He put his head in his hands and groaned. "This is maddening. I feel fine, but I felt fine when I entered HQ. I felt right when I handed you that tea… I saw all the memories they'd made for me, and this red haze came over me." He stared at his hands and then at her. She was doing a damn good job at trying to hide it, but he could see her pain, reliving the beatings she had endured for their sick scenes. "All I could think was how much I needed to kill you. Of all the people you had killed. But as soon as I realised you were dead, it became so clear… you hadn't done any of it. Like one second I loathed you, and in the next… I loved you again. Like a damned gun trigger."

"We'll figure this out." She paced, kicking the bars occasionally. "Fuck this. I'm not letting you stay in a fucking cage a second longer than absolutely necessary. I promise. I don't care how little you trust yourself, or how afraid you are, they're not winning."

And as she paced, as she raged, and her hair flailed in the warm light, he found himself warmed from the inside. Like fresh tea was brewing in his heart, seeping into his veins. The coldness that had trickled over him at seeing her death, at realising his crime, it melted before her. Like she was spring's first sunrise. He chuckled. She paused her pacing and glared. Challenging him to mock her. But it was the last thing he intended.

He shook his head. "You're really not giving up, are you brat?"

Realising he wasn't mocking, but admiring, she grinned back, a tear escaping. "Not a chance, sir. You're back on home turf now, time to start fighting back. And as the current drooling moron, I will bring you back."

"You're ridiculous." He breathed putting his head back against the wall. She sighed and rested her head against the bars. The silence returned, but without the heaviness. It was comfortable and easy. It was beautiful.

The door upstairs opened and she glanced that way. "I think I'd better let you get some rest. It looks like you haven't slept much."

"Well no, I spent the week thinking I'd murdered you." He studied her face. Alive. Healthy. Breathing. Beautiful. "You're… You're really alive."

"I really am." She laughed breathlessly with him. "Now get some sleep old man, you look like shit."

"Says you. Go eat a fucking meal."

"I'll come back soon."

"I'll be here."

She bit her lip and walked away, leaving him with that last look at her cheeky smirk and glinting eyes. Everything he adored. Beautiful. Strong. Stunning. Astonishing. He heard her ascend the stairs and the door closed behind.

He laid his head back against the wall and stared up at the stonework ceiling. Cold, dank, and just as gloomy as before, but suddenly he wasn't buried. He wasn't trapped. No. He was stuck, sure, but he was making progress. He snorted at himself. So much for not becoming dependent. Farlan would have rolled his eyes and waggled a finger, telling him off for being so 'whipped'. While Isabel would have laughed and gone chasing after Robyn for more lessons on how to enrapture someone so wholly. What would Petra think of it all? Eld would have despaired at the antics and Gunter would probably have just shook his head and kept himself out of it. Oluo… He probably would have imitated Levi in some odd way. The Captain closed his eyes.

"Thank you… Whatever and whoever is up there putting a good word in for this bastard still… Thank you… She's alive. She's… She's alive."

Happy and exhausted, his tears fell.

Aaaand there we have it, their real reunion, but a loong way to go! Thanks for reading!